"What the fuck are you doing?" Adam seethed at her, pulling her behind his car and out of earshot. Not only had she put herself at risk but Rojas as well when she leapt out of a car and chased a perp into an unsecure house. Rojas had followed her of course and they were lucky to not be riddled with bullets when shots started ringing out. Adam and Halstead had scrambled to follow them, stunned that they actually didn't wait for back-up.
"My job."
"Your job is to not get killed and protect your partner. You wait for back-up." He was furious. "This is fucking insane."
"Back off Adam."
It had been ugly for almost a week and Adam had reached his wits end so he gave her a lot of hard truths and he hoped he had got through to her. She couldn't keep hiding it. He found it hard to walk the line because she kept putting herself in dangerous situations and when he challenged her he was politely reminded it had nothing to do with him.
He threw up his hands, not for the first time. "Fine, you are right, it's got nothing to do with me but don't expect me to just stand by and let you put yourself into stupid situations, situations I might add that you would never have contemplated before. It makes no sense." He angrily tapped his temple. "I wouldn't do it if you weren't pregnant and I certainly won't do it now. If you are not going to look after yourself then I will."
"Back off Officer Ruzek."
"Officer Ruzek? Wow?" he took a step back, stunned by her bitterness. "You know what, I've had enough." He spat at her. "I'll go to Voight and ask him to put me with someone else, tell him that I can't work with you because I know I have no say in this.." He pointed to her stomach. "..but what I do have a say in is removing myself from a situation that I don't feel comfortable with. He'll probably ride my ass but what the hell. You don't want to care about yourself or your baby, the baby that you decided to keep that's fine by me, but you can't ask me not to care or pretend I don't see what you are doing."
"Oh God, this has nothing to do with you. It's not your career in jeopardy is it? I tell Voight I'm benched." She clicked her fingers. "Just like that and I may never get my spot back."
"Oh, for Fuck's sake. You know how Voight thinks. You are in his team because you are family. This Unit is family, he's not going to kick you out. So you'll be on a desk, in Intelligence most probably, working with us every day, you know it so don't give me this woe is me bullshit."
"Easy for you to say. You've never had the threat of losing your job."
"No? I walked away from Intelligence because of you, remember?"
"I didn't ask you to, that was all on you."
"I know and did I ever blame you? Huh? I still risked it all though didn't I? I am just pointing out some facts seeing as you seem to think you are the only person who has done it tough or had uncertainty. I spent a night in jail and had my badge pulled and I still have no idea what Voight did to get it back, but I suspect one wrong move and it will be over. So don't tell me I don't know what it's like to almost have your whole family ripped out from underneath you, because I do, I do know. You may lose your spot temporarily but you won't lose your career or your future, I could have lost it all."
"Go to hell Adam."
"I am in fucking hell."
"You don't know what it's like."
"No I don't know what it is like to be you and you don't know what it is like to be me, to watch you put yourself at risk day in day out just to prove a point. I get it, you are pregnant not crippled, you can still be a cop but you know what? You've got no idea how hard it is to not want to protect you and your baby. I'd risk my life for you every single fucking day, but I don't want to do it because you can't be fucked looking after yourself." He stormed off. She wanted to do this on her own it was fine by him. All she had to do was say the word but be dammed if he was standing around to watch her risk it all to prove a point. He wasn't having that on his conscience.
He hated doing it but he gave her an ultimatum. Waiting for her beside her car when she left she District he saw her shoulders slump when she saw him. He knew what she was doing, he'd left an hour ago and she had nothing to do upstairs so she was just waiting for him to be well and truly gone. If Voight had been upstairs he wouldn't have waited but he wasn't there so he knew she wasn't telling him, there was nobody around.
"Before you start on me again I will just say this. You tell Voight by the end of the week or I will ask to be reassigned."
"Come on Adam, that's not fair."
"Nor is it fair to ask me to ignore what I know and that you are risking it all because you are scared. I get that, I get that you are terrified. I get that everything changes for you from that moment on, but it already has changed for you Kim, it changed the moment you decided to keep the baby. I'm not saying tomorrow, but by Friday, yeah?"
"I can't believe you." Kim reefed open her door. He could literally see the steam coming off her. She was pissed but he didn't care. This had gone on long enough, she was almost three months pregnant.
"Yes you can. You want me to do this because you are too scared to do it yourself." He pushed himself off the side of her car and reached for his bag that was at his feet. "See you tomorrow Officer Burgess."
It was clear as day that he was distancing himself from her, she'd seen the look on his face when she called him Officer Ruzek, it had stung him and made him angry. He just couldn't do it anymore, the stress he was under was getting to him. Someone was going to get killed if this went on much longer. Him? Perhaps and he wasn't quite ready to die just yet.
Pulling into his parking space the next morning he saw Kim's car already parked up. He had left her alone last night, or more to the point he wasn't stupid enough to try and communicate with her. She didn't want his help; he wasn't going to beg her to accept it. The offer was on the table, it had been from day one. It was up to her now.
Grabbing his coffee out of the console he glanced around and took note that nobody else was here yet. That was a relief, he was sure the only reason Burgess was here so early was to get it over and done with before the crowd arrived. It may have been hard to say last night but he had faith she just needed the push.
Coming up the stairs he saw the hug, even catching the faintest of smiles on Voight's face. Voight said something and inclined his head in Adam's direction and Kim swung her head around and saw him.
"Ruzek, a word." Voight beckoned him when Kim left his office. She smiled at him and nodded slightly as she passed by his desk and disappeared downstairs, there was one more person that needed to know.
Closing the door behind him he just stood and waited for his boss. While he was expecting her to tell Voight, he didn't expect that she would involve him. She had made it very clear yesterday that it wasn't his baby to worry about. "I want you and Burgess to partner up today."
"Okay."
"It's her last day on active duty and I need you to make sure she stays safe."
"I've been doing that."
"I know, I just want you to know I know." Voight scratched at his jaw. "Is she going to be okay?"
"I hope so."
"And you?" he tilted his head as he saw the heads of the rest of the team coming up the stairs.
Squeezing his hands together he shook them slightly. "Right now, I'm all she's got. I won't let her down, not again."
"Look after her today."
"Will do." He threw his boss a quick and lazy salute. Atwater eyed his suspiciously as he came out.
"What you do this time?"
"You know." Ruzek shrugged. "We were talking about a man with a dog."
Atwater knew two things, he was full of shit, and something was going down that he wasn't supposed to know about. "Dawg, remember last time you kept secrets? You ended up in the can for a night."
"Kev, you wanna gossip go hang out with Platt. You know she loves a good session."
In the best interests of Kim he said nothing, the train was in motion now and tomorrow was soon enough to let it come out and this was her last day and he sensed that it would be important for her to have it as business as usual as they ran the board for the day and Voight assigned tasks. They got the witness statements, which while necessary wasn't exactly thrilling work but someone had to do it.
"Sorry you've got the shitty jobs today." Kim muttered on the way to the car. "I know you love this stuff."
"Ah I get to spend the day with your pretty face beside me, what's not to love."
"Too much Adam."
He nodded; he knew it but it was in his DNA to flirt especially with her. He couldn't help himself. "Hey, how'd it go with Voight."
"Well I am sure I don't need to tell you because he hauled you in there to no doubt tell you all about it."
"He told me that I was working with you today, to look after you and make sure you are okay. That's it. I have no idea what else went down."
Kim sighed and closed her eyes. She felt nauseous and hungry all at the same time. "He was happy for me, which is funny because I don't know if I am happy for me. He'll work on a plan with Trudy about what I can and can't do but basically as of tomorrow I'm on a desk."
"At your desk though? Upstairs?"
"Yes. Yes you were right." Kim responded flatly. "Happy now?"
"Am I happy you told Voight and no long putting yourself at risk, then yes I am happy. I am also happy that you are still with us. I'd miss you."
"Why are you doing this?" It was a question she'd asked him many times and she always got the same answer. 'because you need help and I'm a good guy.'
Until today, "Because I think you know why but now is not the right time. I think you've always known the answer, you just never wanted to hear it."
"You and Upton?" Kim just blurted it out. So many times she had wanted to ask him about it but her courage always failed her. Perhaps she didn't want to know the answer, she didn't want him to admit that Upton meant as much to him as she did. On top of all this she wouldn't be able to cope with that so she just swallowed it.
"Ever heard of rebound?"
"After three years?"
"Takes some people longer than others." It was a not so subtle dig at her and Adam shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He didn't want to talk about it. It was a mistake and all he could say was it was a distraction because he had no strong attachments, he wasn't happy and he never felt comfortable and he didn't look forward, he knew it had an end date and they both walked away with no lingering feelings. It was like it never happened and they both preferred it that way.
"It hurt."
"I know, I know how that feels."
"I guess." Kim sucked in a few deep breaths as all the colour drained from her face and he slowed down a little to ease the drive. "You know, that's how I ended up with Blair, he asked me out just before I found out about….you and I was stinging and hurting and I said yes and it kinda snowballed and I didn't stop it."
"Ditto."
"I didn't love him; I don't think I ever would." Kim lamented. "I know when he died I thought maybe I was perhaps heading down that path but I think that was just the emotion of it all." Kim stared out the window, unable to look but she knew he was watching her, she could feel it. "It just wasn't like that, I didn't get that rush, that heart thudding feeling."
"Ditto."
