A/N: Sorry if this is a bit on the short side. I've been in a bit of a mood lately and it's been hard to do much beyond dragging myself to work every day. A big thanks to IWannaBeBoothy, for listening to me complain about my inability to focus on writing anything. You should all go and check out her fic, Surviving the Noble and Most Dysfunctional House of Black. It's excellent and I highly recommend it. Hopefully this isn't too disappointing a chapter. Apologies in advance if it is.


Remus paced outside Sirius' bedroom, unsure of whether to knock or just walk in. He'd arrived at the Potter's a half hour before, biding time by having a quick cup of tea with James and Lily before she hurried off for her evening Organic Chemistry lecture. He took a deep breath, preparing to knock on the door, only to feel a light hand on his shoulder.

"What?" he asked, turning his head.

"Don't be so nervous. Just walk in and see him. God knows that's what I do," James replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"But you live here, James. I haven't so much as heard a word from him in two weeks," Remus argued, shoving his hands in his pockets. "How is he?"

James sighed. "He's been in a mood. Hard to tell if he's in a depressive state or still adjusting to his medication."

Remus nodded, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry I haven't been much help to you... It must be hard, having to handle him all on your own."

"It's okay. Truthfully, it's been mostly my mum and dad dealing with him... I was just recruited to help ensure he's taking his meds," James replied, waving off Remus' concerns. "You're here, now. That's a huge help. I'm sure he'll respond to your presence. He's not really thrilled with Lily or I at the moment."

"Oh?" Remus asked.

"Lily asked him to help her with her orgo homework and he... it's understandable, really. He's frustrated that we're all back in school and he's not. He's not himself, right now. But he'll shake it off and be alright, soon."

Remus nodded. "Alright, well. I guess it's now or never."

James nodded, offering Remus a weak smile. "Don't take it personally if he's snippy or anything. He's not well. I'll be in my room... if you need anything. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

Remus nodded, watching as James retreated down the hall to his own bedroom. With shaking hands, he turned the doorknob, entering Sirius' bedroom. To his surprise, he found Sirius sitting up in bed, staring ahead at his television. "Hey," he started, closing the door behind him.

"Hi," Sirius replied, eyes still glued to the television screen.

"How are you feeling?"

Silence.

Remus quickly slipped off his shoes, lowering himself onto the edge of Sirius' mattress. "Haven't heard from you in a few days," he noted, glancing up at the tv screen. Rick and Morty. Hmmm.

"Sorry," Sirius muttered, glancing over at Remus with a hesitant look.

"It's alright. I've just missed you," Remus replied, offering Sirius a warm smile.

"I didn't know you watched this," Remus noted, attempting to make conversation.

Sirius nodded, turning his attention back to the screen. "Yeah. Found it when scrolling through Hulu... Been watching it repeatedly for the past few days. I like it."

"That's very you. Fixated on something and watching it repeatedly until you're sick of it," Remus said teasingly, inching closer to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged. "I guess so... Haven't been able to do much but watch tv anyway so... I've found this show to be rather calming."

Remus nodded. "That's... Good. I'm glad that you found something you like watching. But um... I wanted to..." he trailed off, unsure of how to broach what he wanted to say.

"What's up, Rem?" Sirius asked, again turning his attention to Remus.

Remus sighed, taking a deep breath. "So I've been thinking, we never really discussed... if you don't want to talk to me about everything going on with your health, I get it, but if there's something I can do, you can tell me and-"

" Remus. I can't. I'm just. It's hard to even construct sentences right now. My medication is making me so tired. Can we not, right now?"

"Sure, sure."

"How's school?" Sirius asked, turning off the tv set.

"It's alright. I've been thinking about teaching."

"Teaching?" Sirius asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah. Like once I'm out of uni. Teaching English," he elaborated.

"You'd be an amazing teacher, Rem," Sirius assured him, offering Remus a warm smile. He paused, frowning. "Has anyone.. you know, asked about me?"

Remus nodded. "Yeah. Apparently Marlene was pretty upset we were all no-shows at her last party."

"Who do you mean by we?"

"Well, I didn't go, and James and Lily didn't either so... Sirius, if you want to talk you know I'm here, right?" Remus asked, unnerved by the panicked expression on Sirius' face.

"I feel worse than I did before, Rem. I just sit here and stare at the wall and go to therapy. I have no purpose," Sirius replied, staring down at his lap.

"Don't say that," Remus replied, reaching out and placing a hand over his.

"Everyone is gone all day and I have nothing to do," Sirius retorted, sighing heavily.

Remus cleared his throat. "I was doing some research and you know there's... groups. For people struggling with... you know."

"You can say it, Rem. It's okay. I'm mentally ill. It's fine."

Remus frowned. "When's the last time you've eaten anything?"

Sirius shrugged in response. "Dunno."

"Why don't we go downstairs? I'll make you breakfast if you'd like," Remus suggested, eyeing Sirius hopefully.


Reluctantly, Sirius followed Remus downstairs, settling into a chair at the kitchen island. "What time is it, anyway?" he asked, stifling a yawn.

"It's seven pm," Remus replied, staring into the open refrigerator.

"So why did you offer to make me breakfast?" Sirius asked.

"Because you love breakfast. I figured you might want to eat if it's something you enjoy."

Sirius nodded, leaning on the counter with his elbows as he observed Remus. "What are you going to make me?" he asked.

Remus frowned as he settled a carton of eggs on the kitchen counter. "I'm going to try my best to not burn your eggs this time. Though I'm not making any promises, given I'm not used to cooking with such fancy appliances as the Potter's have," he noted, turning to face Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "You mean because you don't have to light a match to ignite the burner?" he asked wryly, cracking the faintest hint of a smile.

"You're the one accustomed to such fine things, Mr. Black. Perhaps you could assist my poor, common self with cooking in this futuristic kitchen?" Remus asked, shooting Sirius a pleading look.

Sirius smiled, rising to his feet. "I suppose I better help you... I don't want to eat blackened eggs.

Remus watched as Sirius stretched his arms over his head, the hem of his tee shirt rising up, exposing an inch of Sirius' pale stomach. He stared, his eyes focused on the faint trail of dark hair traveling downward from his navel. Remus coughed, feeling heat creep up his neck. "Shall we get started?" he asked, ignoring the knowing smirk Sirius was giving him.

"Sure," Sirius agreed, lightly brushing past Remus as he made his way towards the stove.

"You've always been great at cooking, I don't know why you don't do it more often," he noted, retrieving a carton of orange juice from the refrigerator.

Sirius shrugged. "You know why, Rem," he muttered, bending to grab a frying pan from the cabinet beside the range.

Remus nodded, abandoning the juice on the counter and approaching Sirius from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist. "Still... you're good at it. I'm rubbish at cooking. I can't even make toast without burning it."

Sirius smirked, turning around to face him. "That's because it requires precision, like chemistry. Forget what they say about cooking being an art. It's all science, Moony."

Remus made a face, sticking his tongue out.

"That's a good look for you, Moons," Sirius noted, laughing.

"I'm dying of hunger, Sirius. Please, cook us some eggs. Please," Remus begged, nodding towards the range. "Go on."

"Alright, alright. Set the table then, would you? And pour me a glass of orange juice as well."

Remus nodded. As Sirius busied himself with preparing the scrambled eggs, Remus retrieved his cell phone from his pocket, hastily sending a message to Regulus. I think I've cheered him up some. I've gotten him to leave his room, at least. He's making us something to eat.


Sirius stared down into his drink, his vision doubled. What the hell is wrong with me? I've only had three drinks. He frowned, trying to remember what time he'd arrived at the pub. By his calculations, he'd only been there for two hours. He'd been nursing his drinks, so how could he possibly already be drunk? I He'd been taking his medication for a month and a half now, and had at last started to wander out about town on his own accord. Bored out of his mind, he'd elected to go out and have a drink, needing a distraction as his friends all had evening classes that night. Thankfully, the side effects of his medication had begun to subside and he was feeling more like himself. He reached for his beverage but paused as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Where are you? Time for evening meds. "Fuck," Sirius muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. "It's the fucking meds."

He had forgotten one of the many reasons he did not like taking antidepressants; they decreased his tolerance to alcohol. Probably shouldn't be drinking on them, anyway. A few more drinks and I'll probably be ready to slash my wrists open, again. He shrugged, ignoring better judgment as he reached for his glass, draining the contents. He dug through his pockets in search of his keys, paused, then decided against driving home. Instead, he dialed James' number, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he ordered another drink.

"Hey, are you okay? Where are you? What's going on?" James' panicked voice asked, answering after barely two rings.

"I'm drunk. Come get me," Sirius replied, offering the bartender a polite nod as he reached for his freshened beverage.

"Where are you? And why are you drinking? I thought that wasn't a-"

"I'm well aware of that fact, Jamie. And yet, here we are. I'm at the pub near uni. You wouldn't deny me one of the few pleasures left in my life, would you?" Sirius interrupted, taking a sip of his drink.

"You're going to be sick, you know... don't you think, Sirius?"

"At least I didn't try to drive home drunk," Sirius muttered bitterly.

"Well, thank you for that," James replied, sighing heavily. "Are you okay, mate?"

"What, I want to have a bloody drink and suddenly you assume that something is wrong with me?"

"Sirius, don't-"

"Hanging up now, James."

Angrily, Sirius slammed the phone down onto the bar, tossing back the remainder of his drink. "Another one, I think," he muttered, grabbing hold of the edge of the bar as he felt a wave of dizziness pass him. "And a shot. Jameson."

Fifteen minutes later, James arrived, watching with distaste as Sirius tossed back another shot of Jameson, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Honestly, Sirius. How much did you have to drink? Look at you, you can barely stand straight," James sighed, watching with arms crossed against his chest as Sirius dug through his wallet to pay his tab.

"Not that much," Sirius countered, slamming a fistful of notes on the bar. "Cheers, Leslie," he muttered, offering the blonde behind the bar a short wave before turning his attention to James. "Let's just go, already," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Can you even take your meds if you've been drinking?" James asked, once they were settled in the car.

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno. Guess I'll take them and find out," he offered.

James frowned, gripping the steering wheel tightly. "This isn't a game, Sirius. It's not funny, being so careless about your well-being."

"At least I'm taking my meds, James," Sirius retorted, fumbling to dig through his pockets for his pack of cigarettes.

James put the car in reverse as Sirius lit up, blowing smoke in James' face. "I don't even see how you have the right to be angry, James. I'm the one who's life sucks. I'm the one who has to be on medication because I'm crazy. Where's some fucking sympathy, mate?" he continued, an accusatory tone to his voice.

"Stop," James said warningly. "I'm not in the mood to argue with you."

"I don't know what you expect from me, James. It's not like I even see you expect when you're tasked with giving me my meds. Too busy with uni and Lily and being an actual person to bother with me, huh?"

"You're not even making any sense, Sirius. Please. You're drunk. I'm sorry if I was being short with you, I'm just tired. I've had a long day."

"Next time I'll just drive drunk, okay James? Sorry I'm such a burden," Sirius muttered, staring sulkily out the window.

"Sirius," James started, watching as his friend miserably slumped up against the passenger window.

"All I'm good for is making other people miserable. I'm sure you're tired of me, by now. Having to deal with me and all of this. Having to be like a fucking caretaker because I'm too fucked up to be trusted to take my medication myself. I'm sure Remus is sick of me. Like I even deserve to have someone like him. How could he ever love someone like me?" Sirius slurred, continuing to stare out the window.

"Sirius, you're not a burden. I want to be able to help you. And don't say that about yourself. Anyone would be lucky to have you. You're wonderful. And you're being ridiculous, saying that Remus could ever get sick of you. He's known you nearly as long as I have, and he's stuck around, hasn't he? You're thinking nonsense, Sirius," James said calmly, fiddling with the dials on the stereo.

"He's not even my boyfriend, James. We're just... I can't even... Christ this is embarrassing," Sirius mumbled, turning to face James.

"What is? You haven't said anything."

"I haven't even slept with him, James. Like... You know."

James observed him a moment, eyebrow raised. "Really?" he asked, surprised.

Sirius nodded sullenly. "Fucking meds..."

"You've been adjusting to the meds. It's understandable that you haven't yet when you spent nearly two entire weeks holed up in bed, Sirius. You're starting to feel like yourself again, I'm sure it'll happen sooner or later," James assured him, turning his attention back to the stereo. "What do you feel like listening to?" he asked.

"Doesn't matter," Sirius muttered, shrugging. "It's not just... Look I need to talk to someone about this, so I guess you'll have to do. I don't... He's tried to initiate things and I just keep shrugging it off because I can't get it up... The meds killed my libido. I don't know how to explain that to him and he must think I hate him or something because you know... I mean, I know I'm a whore and that I usually fuck everyone, immediately. And I just... I don't know how to deal with this James," Sirius said miserably, raking his fingers through his tangled mess of hair.

"You know Remus wouldn't care if you told him that," James said quietly, selecting a song and pressing play. He turned his head, feeling a weight lifted from his chest as he caught sight of Sirius' lips turning upward into a slight smile, obviously recognizing the opening part of The Postal Service's Brand New Colony.

"You think so?" Sirius asked, tapping his foot in time to the music.

"Of course," James assured him.

Sirius nodded, staring down at his lap.

"Are you okay?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know."

James nodded, reaching over to pat Sirius on the shoulder. "You'll be alright, mate. When we get home, why don't I make you some tea and you can take your meds and maybe have a bath if you'd like? If you're still feeling... you know... down, maybe you can take half a xanax?"

Sirius nodded, shooting James a grateful look. "Alright... Thanks mate."