"You've been hiding something from me," the voice whispers as he tries to fall asleep.
"No … nothing important," he evades.
"Perhaps it's something I could help you with … I sense longing."
"It's nothing." Everything.
"You know I always help you."
"I get to have privacy!" Ben flares, pushing through the fear in the pit of his stomach. He hasn't defied the voice in a long time. He's not really sure why he doesn't want to trust it.
"Of course you do. Besides, I'll find out in time."
In his bed, Ben flinches, hoping that isn't true. Maybe the voice could help, like it always has … No. NO! Rey is precious. He won't let the voice have her. When it talks about his parents—about how they don't understand him—it feels so true. But after … he doesn't want to be confused about Rey.
Because deep down, he knows the voice is wrong about his parents.
Ben watches like a hawk as Daxon sits next to Rey during breakfast. And what's worse is she doesn't seem to mind. True, Ben might have his daily walks with Rey, but he hasn't yet managed to sit with her at meals. Some part of him wants to keep her a secret. From everyone.
Now, though … now he's wondering if it isn't time for a more public claiming of her. Would she even want that? It's not like he's managed to kiss her or anything. They don't even hold hands.
Rey laughs at something Daxon says and Ben sees red. His fingers clench to wrap around that smug throat, show him who the better Jedi is. He stands swiftly, about to interrupt this little interlude when he feels a hand on his forearm.
He looks to his right and finds Voe grasping his sleeve. She shakes her head and says, "Ben, no."
"Why not?" he nearly snarls.
"She won't appreciate you treating her like a child who needs to be protected."
"But it's Daxon," he complains.
"Look, I know you two have … history, but I'm sure she's not interested in him, not like that."
"Then why is she talking to him!" he sputters.
"Because she's nice? Come on, you don't just walk over there and steal her back like she's a twyla's toy. She's new. Let her get to know people."
Slowly, Ben sits back down. "But what if she … she … she likes him."
Voe rolls her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you have nothing to worry about, there."
"Why?" he asks suspiciously.
She throws her hands up. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe because everyone knows you've been walking together for weeks now."
Well, it's only been just over two weeks, but that everyone has noticed makes him feel a bit exposed and also a tad smug. Maybe Voe is right, that he has nothing to worry about.
"She did say that she likes me."
Voe gives him an impatient expression and huffs, "Duh."
"Alright, pair up!" Master Luke calls out to the older students. "Ben, I'd like you to spar with Rey."
Ben isn't sure what he thinks about that. He doesn't really want to fight with her, but on the other hand, it means time with her. She's been more distant ever since she'd come to sit with him that night and he hasn't known how to cross the space between them. Maybe this will help?
Everyone takes their places and stands ready, with their hands prepared to reach for their sabers. It strikes him then how strange it is that Rey already had one when she arrived. It's a beautiful shade of gold, but the hilt is strange.
She only found her powers a year ago. Who has been training her? Are there other Jedi out there? It reminds him of how she'd spoken of that other man, the one who'd helped her, and his mind isn't focused properly when Luke calls out, "Begin!"
Rey goes on the offense immediately, rushing him, hard and fast. He hadn't been prepared for her ferocity and before he knows it, he's tripped over his own feet and landed on his ass. A twitter of amusement at Ben Solo making such a stupid mistake sweeps through the room.
His cheeks burn with humiliation. He'd wanted to show her how good he is. He's the best fighter in the school, almost as good as Luke.
She doesn't gloat at least, just offering him a hand up and a grin. When she pulls him to his feet, she holds on to his hand for just a moment too long. But he can't dwell on the tingling in his fingers, he has to get his mind in the fight.
"Ready?" she asks.
'This time," he grumbles.
"Let's see," she says with teasing eyes.
Then their sabers clash with a force that surprises him and he realizes Rey isn't really sparring. She's fighting for real. Well, two can play at that game.
Light on his feet, he parries each of her swings, using his endurance to tire her out. He can always fight longer and harder than the other students.
As they dance across the practice room, he realizes that he needs to win. He needs to prove to her that he can protect her, that he's the strongest one here. Even if that means she has to lose. It's not like he wants to beat her. Right?
Memories of the voice come then, how he's better, stronger than any of them. How he has to show them why they should respect him, follow him. Make her want him.
Rey's fierce, determined face pulls his attention back to the fight. Gods, she's so graceful, and he realizes that he's the one growing tired. Where in the galaxy did she learn how to fight? It's like she's inside his head, always knowing what he's going to try next.
Her cheeks are flushed and she's started to breathe harshly. If he thought she was pretty before, she's downright delicious like this. His blood is up and, Force, he's getting turned on!
As they move across the floor, it's so easy to imagine her flushed and glistening from altogether different activities. Not that he would know, but he's always had a vivid imagination.
They're near the edge of the space and he finally gets the upper hand, forcing her to the wall with sabers clashed. Quick as a viper, his hand shoots out and he pins her wrist to the wall, the action forcing her to drop her saber with a startled yelp.
He extinguishes his own saber and steps into her body, keeping her wrist in his other hand, panting as he looks down into her face. Her chest heaves and her tunic has come loose, giving him a very pleasing view of the tops her breasts.
Their faces are so close as he leans towards her that he can feel her pants for breath, smell her scent. He should let her go, step back, but he's trapped by her heated gaze. It's almost as if she wants this as much as he does, and his head starts to descend.
"I think that's enough, Ben," Master Skywalker admonishes, breaking the spell.
Ben shakes his head quickly, but it still takes him longer than it should to release Rey.
As he steps back, he prays to all the gods that she won't notice his painful erection.
That night the older students sit around the communal fire, the little ones already having been ushered off to Bed. Luke had gone with them, so the conversation has turned to gossip and what their master calls frivolities.
Ben remembers when his uncle had a sense of humor and he smiles at memories of how his mother used to tease him mercilessly.
Rey sits alone, watching the fire, and Ben watches her. He wants to stand up and go sit next to her, but there's an impenetrable solitude to her he doesn't know how to break through. She's rubbing her hand and clearly lost in thought. What is she thinking about?
Then he's pulled from his musings by the most annoying apprentice at the school. Daxon.
"So, I guess Alderaan must have been pretty open minded," Daxon says casually.
"What are you talking about?" Ben growls. He just wants to get back to watching Rey and trying to work up the courage to invade her space.
"Well, on Bentha Six I certainly never looked at my cousin the way you look at the new girl."
Ben whirls towards Daxon and exclaims, "What?!"
"Oh, come on Solo. I know you miss a lot, but even you must have heard what everyone's saying about her?"
"Daxon, I really don't care about children's tales."
"Heh. Well you might want to know this one. They're saying she's Luke's daughter."
Horror, pure horror blooms in his chest. She can't be! Then … oh gods, no!
"That's not true. That's impossible."
Daxon shrugs. "I dunno. Things got pretty wild after the Empire went down. Maybe even old Master Luke had a little fun."
Is that why he feels so drawn to her? Because they're … related? The thought makes him hate himself more than normal.
Ben can't handle this. He has to be alone.
In his little hut, he throws himself down on his bed and rubs his face. If Rey's his … his … he can't even think the word. He loves her. But not like that. Could he even manage to be around her if she was just … family? Forever out of reach?
Gods, the things he's imagined about her in this very bed … He's even taken himself in hand to thoughts of her pretty lips and haunted eyes. What would that make him if they're related?
Running both hands through his hair, he kicks at his bed roll. It can't be true. It just can't.
The next morning finds him outside of Master Luke's hut. The sun has only just risen, but Ben couldn't take it anymore.
He hadn't slept all night, tortured by thoughts of a forbidden Rey. At one point he'd even decided he didn't care if she's his cousin. Many systems don't care about that. It's not like it's … taboo. Well, not really. It's just frowned on.
But is that why Rey keeps him at arm's length? Had she just meant that she likes him in more general terms? But Voe had said …
He stands straighter and knocks on Luke's door. He hears rustling from inside, then the door opens to find his master looking a little bleary.
"Uncle Luke—"
Luke looks at him sternly. "We've talked about this, Ben."
Ben ducks his head. "Right. Sorry. Master Luke, I need to speak with you."
"It's not even time for first meditation," Luke says with exasperation. "What has you so fired up."
"It's Rey."
Real worry streaks through Luke's eyes. "Is she alright?"
"What? Yes, why wouldn't she be?"
Luke looks away briefly. "Nothing. Why do you need to talk about Rey?" Now his eyes take on a teasing glint and Ben pauses. His uncle wouldn't tease him about this … would he? His father, well, his father would think it's hilarious and would have quite a laugh at his expense, but his uncle? He doesn't think so.
Now that Ben is here, he doesn't know how to ask what he needs to know. "I just … where did she come from?"
"Why don't you ask her?" Luke evades.
"I did, she got strange about it."
Luke nods. "And?"
"It's just weird, she shows up already nearly as well trained as I am, she already has a saber … who is she?"
"That's for Rey to share."
Ben huffs in frustration. Talking to Luke is never, ever straightforward.
"I mean, is there anything I should know about her?"
"Is there something you want to know about her?"
Ben's lips thing into a line and his jaw works. "Fine, you want me to ask, I'll ask."
Luke's hands go wide. "By all means."
"I she …" Ben pauses, preparing himself for a soul-rending blow. "Is she your daughter?"
Then the strangest thing happens. Luke begins to laugh. Not just a chuckle, no, a full throated guffaw. And he doesn't stop until he's wheezing, leaving Ben standing in the doorway feeling like an idiot.
"You thought she was your cousin?" Luke manages between gasps for breath.
"Well, you just accepted her! What else was I supposed to think!"
"Oh, Ben ... No. She's not my daughter. You don't need to worry."
Sublime relief cascades through him and he finds himself chuckling along with his uncle. "Yeah, you're right. You couldn't have a daughter."
Luke looks mildly affronted. "Well, I wouldn't say that. But as far as I know, I have no children. If I did, don't you think you would have met any little Skywalkers running around? I wouldn't just abandon my own child."
"You're right … you're right. I don't know what I was thinking."
Luke puts his hand on his shoulder. "Don't listen to gossips like Daxon."
"How'd you know?" Ben asks.
"I didn't, but it seemed a good guess. Now, if there isn't anything else …"
Ben realizes he's invading Luke's morning and he says, "Right, sorry. I … I'll see you for morning meditation."
"Skip it. Get some sleep. You look like the wrong end of a sarlacc."
He can't manage to sleep because he feels like he's walking on air. All that worry for nothing. Of course Rey isn't his cousin! She doesn't look a thing like Luke and anyway, he would have sensed in the Force.
Stupid Daxon.
"What did Daxon say to you to make you leave so quickly?" Rey asks as they go on their walk.
"Oh … it's actually pretty funny."
"Funny doesn't usually make someone run away like stormtroopers are on their tail."
"He said that everyone thinks you're Master Luke's daughter."
Rey stops walking and simply blinks at him. There's something like sadness in her gaze, but then she laughs a thin, mirthless laugh. "Yeah. No. Trust me, Luke isn't my father."
"Yeah. Luke told me."
"Wait. Did you think I'd …" She hesitates then she steps closer to him. "Ben, I wouldn't have these feelings for you if I was your cousin."
"You … you have feelings for me?"
"I thought that was pretty obvious," she says, her brow furrowing.
"I mean, you said you liked me …"
"I do. A lot. I just … I went through a rough time and I'm … I'm still working through all of that."
"You mean that man, the one who helped you," he says with a slight edge to his voice.
Pure anguish blooms on her face and she quietly says, "That's part of it." Then her face clears. "All that matters right now, though, is that I … I care about you."
Ben hesitates for a moment, then he's the one to instigate touching her as he takes both her hands in his. Stars, hers are so small in his.
"I care about you, too. So much," he says fervently.
She smiles and threads their fingers together.
"I know you do."
A/N: Thank you, ArtemisBare, you're like a brilliant little angel on my right shoulder to offset the feels murdering demon on the left.
Thank you, Readers! Tentatively, I plan to work on 'Tethered' this week and 'Lovesick' once I've posted for the day. Of course, Teen Ben is a pushy little shit who just wants to kiss Rey RIGHT NOW. Thank you all for giving this your time!
Special shout out to unlimitedhappylife for the original nudge towards this plot!
