A/N: Sooo... it only took me 4 months to get around to updating again. I'm sorry for the lack of regular updates with this. Things have been crazy and just... really bad. I don't know what else to say. I wrote this chapter. Sorry if it sucks. I'm trying.
"Remus."
Remus stared down at his kitchen table, wringing his hands nervously in his lap, barely aware of Lily's presence.
"Rem."
He sighed, turning his head to find Lily standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, a concerned look etched on her face.
"How is he?" Remus asked lowly, nodding towards the living room.
Upon Lily's arrival, the two had set the still unconscious Jack on the living room couch.
"He woke up. He's got a massive headache, but he should be fine," Lily noted, taking a seat opposite him at the table.
Remus nodded, sighing heavily. Wearily, he lowered his head down onto the table, eyes squeezed shut.
"Are you okay, Rem?"
"No."
"You know you can do better than him, right?"
Remus lifted his head up, taken aback by Lily's words. "Lily, I-"
"He's not a good person, Rem. He's out of his head. You don't need someone who is going to complicate your life," she interrupted, green eyes bright with rage.
"He was drunk, Lils... He probably won't even remember that he-"
"He slapped me, Remus. He backed me up against a wall and slapped me because he couldn't deal with being told what a right piece of shit he's being," Lily snapped, cheeks flushed in anger.
Remus bit his lower lip, unsure of how to respond. He shook his head, willing the wave of nausea that had hit him to pass.
"I just... It's like I don't even know who he is, anymore..." he mumbled, breath hitched as he struggled to hold back tears.
"I guess none of us really knew him," Lily noted, shaking her head.
"There must be some sort of explanation, Lils. He's... He's..."
"Remus John Lupin, don't you dare make excuses for him," Lily snapped, staring him down menacingly.
"But-"
"Yes, Sirius is mentally ill. However, his actions are reprehensible. Hitting someone is never okay. Laying your hands on the person you love... That's disgusting. Mental illness isn't an excuse for doing what he did. And I'll be damned if I let you or anyone else allow him to hide behind that as an excuse."
Remus lowered his head into his hands, barely aware of the tears that had sprung forth.
"Hey, shhh. It's okay, Rem. Let it out. It's okay to cry," Lily whispered soothingly, gently rubbing circles on his back. "You're okay. You're okay."
"I love him, though. I-I feel so stupid. I know what he did was wrong but-but..." he trailed off, shaking as he choked back an audible sob.
"It's okay, Rem. It's okay to still have feelings. But you need to know your worth. It's not your responsibility to save him. Sirius is an adult. You don't have to suffer at his hands just because he's having a hard time, right now."
"It's... It's really over, I guess," Remus whispered, lips quivering.
"You'll be okay, Rem. I promise," Lily assured him, continuing to trace circles on his back.
"I can't believe he slapped you," he murmured, shaking his head as he lightly touched the slight bruise on Lily's cheek.
"I can't either," Lily retorted, shaking her head sadly.
"Do you think that he's okay?"
Lily froze, lips contorting into a disgusted grimace. "Fuck him, Remus. He's an arsehole. I won't condone his behavior. If this is how he chooses to conduct himself, then I want no part of it."
"But Lily..."
"But nothing. He's an addict, Remus. And borderline. He's a master manipulator. Don't you dare let him make you feel sorry for him when he is the one to blame for all of this. He's made his bed. Now let him lie in it."
"How is he?" Bellatrix demanded, tossing her gym bag to the floor and slamming her front door behind her.
"I see you ignored my request to change and shower," Evelyn noted dryly, wrinkling her nose slightly.
"Evie," Bella warned, hands planted firmly on her hips.
"He's fine, Bella. He's resting," Evelyn retorted, rolling her eyes.
Bella breathed a sigh of relief, half-collapsing into the nearest armchair.
"How was your session?" Evelyn asked, rising from her seat and settling into a chair closer to the brunette.
"Fine," she muttered distractedly.
"Bella," Evie coaxed, reaching out and taking Bella's right hand in hers.
"I was distracted, of course. I'm a mess, Evie."
Evie squeezed her hand tightly, shooting her an amused look.
Bella rolled her eyes, smirking. "Well, more of a mess than usual," she amended, chuckling.
"You're worried about him," Evelyn noted.
"Of course I am," Bella replied, gesturing her hands wildly. "My baby cousin OD'd in my fucking living room. How should I be taking this?"
Evelyn remained silent, rising to her feet and motioning for Bella to follow suit. "Come on, let me fix you a cuppa. You look like you could use it."
The pair wandered into the kitchen, Bellatrix lowering herself into a chair at the kitchen table while Evelyn busied herself with putting a kettle on.
"Did he talk to you at all?"
"A bit," Evie replied, rummaging through the pantry for the tea bags.
"He's stopped taking his medication, you know."
Bella frowned. "Oh?"
Evelyn nodded, grabbing the now-steaming kettle off of the stove and expertly preparing two mugs of tea.
"Thanks," Bella mumbled gratefully as Evelyn placed a scorching hot mug into her hands.
"Of course," Evelyn retorted, joining Bella at the table.
"Do you think he did it on purpose?"
"Yes," Evelyn replied bluntly, taking a sip of tea.
"What, why?" Bella demanded, staring at the blonde wide-eyed.
"Just look at him and you'll know why," she replied simply, shrugging.
"Care to elaborate?"
"Christ, Bella. Do I really have to spell it out?" Evelyn retorted testily, slamming her mug down harder than necessary.
"Apparently you do," Bella replied icily. "I'm not a bloody mind reader, Evelyn."
"He's got your eyes, Bella. All I have to do is look at him and I can see you. See you at nineteen, scared and confused and coming down off of drugs. See you so desperate to escape the thoughts in your head that you'll do anything, even if it kills you."
Bella bit her lip, unsure of how to respond. "I never wanted this for him, not for him, Evie..." she whispered, shaking her head.
"I know, love. I know," Evelyn said gently, carefully rising from her chair and wrapping her arms around Bella's shoulders.
"What am I supposed to do, Evie? I can't even take care of myself... How am I supposed to fix him, too?" Bella choked, voice trembling with emotion.
"All you can do is try your best... It's not your job to fix him, Bella."
"You're one to talk," Bella whispered, shaking her head. "You made it your mission in life to try and fix me."
Evelyn smiled sadly, wiping tears from Bella's cheeks with her right thumb. "What can I say? Love will make you do crazy things," she said wistfully, tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind her ear.
"I need your help," Bella whispered, pulling the blonde into a tight embrace as tears continued to fall.
"Shhh," Evie whispered soothingly, gently patting Bella's unruly raven curls as she continued to sob onto her shoulder.
"I'm just... I'm afraid for him. I don't... I don't want for him to have to live through the things that I've seen and and and..." she broke off into another fit of sobs, tears staining the delicate fabric of Evelyn's dress.
"Shh, Bella. Shhh. It's okay. Calm down... We'll take care of him. I promise."
"Really?"
"Come on, now, B. You know that I could never say no to you," Evelyn smiled softly, blue eyes shining with warmth.
"I'm sorry that I... It wasn't that I didn't... I always will... I-I..." Bella trailed off, rubbing her eyes furiously.
"I know... It's okay, Bella. Really. The choices we make, and all that. I'm..." Evelyn paused, lips pursed as she considered her words.
"I'm happy that you're happy. Really, I am," She said finally, her smile not quite matching the look in her eyes.
"You're too good to me," Bella sighed, shaking her head.
"Probably," Evelyn agreed, smiling slightly. "Considering I let you probably ruin this dress with your tears. You know how badly silk stains."
"You're too much," Bella laughed.
"You love it, really," Evelyn retorted, rolling her eyes. "But we should really check on him, now. Try and get him to tell us what's really going on."
"Did he say anything at all to you?" Bella asked, rising gracefully from her seat.
Evelyn nodded, running her fingers through her pale blonde hair carelessly. "He said that he and his boyfriend broke up-"
"He broke up with him?" Bella interrupted, incredulous.
"That's what he said. He didn't go into specifics, Bella. He just gave me the bare minimum and then refused to speak anymore on the topic. I decided it was best not to pry," Evelyn noted, shrugging.
"Did he mention his fight with James, his best mate?"
"He said that his best mate kicked him out, but left it at that."
"He hit James' girl. Slapped her, he said," Bella noted, lips pressed firmly together.
Evelyn sighed, shaking her head. "Poor kid. Come on... Let's go see if he's awake. Maybe he'll actually talk to you."
Sirius rubbed his face roughly, willing the pain in his head to stop. You've really fucked it up this time, Sirius. He sighed, firmly pressing his thumbs to his temples, in an effort to relieve the throbbing in his head.
"Sirius," Bellatrix called out as she carefully opened the door to the room, standing uncertainly in the doorway.
Sirius nodded in response, eyeing his cousin and the blonde trailing her warily.
"Can we come in?"
Sirius nodded, nervously biting the inside of his right cheek. They're going to want to talk about this. They're not going to let you just pretend this never happened. Especially not Bella. She'll want an explanation.
Wordlessly, the pair filed into the room, settling themselves at the foot of Sirius' bed. "How are you feeling?" Bella asked, offering him a soft smile.
"Like hell," Sirius retorted, frowning. "I feel like I got hit by a truck."
"You're going to feel like utter rubbish for a few days, I'm afraid," Bella noted sadly.
"Great," Sirius muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Ow, fuck," he winced, taken aback by the pain radiating through his system as he touched the patch of skin beneath his right eye.
"James really gave you a shiner, Siri," Bellatrix noted, shaking her head.
Sirius glanced in the mirror hanging opposite him; surely enough, his right eye was ringed with a sickening mixture of purple and yellowing bruises. Fantastic.
Bella cleared her throat, obviously nervous. "So um... Siri... I have to ask... Did you... Did you do it on purpose?"
Sirius stared blankly at the two girls, each eyeing him carefully.
The three sat in silence for several minutes, Sirius folding his arms across his chest in defiance.
"Sirius," Evelyn said sharply, a single eyebrow raised in annoyance. "We can wait all day, but it would behoove you to save us all a lot of time and just answer the question. We aren't going to have you sectioned if you tell us you tried to kill yourself. We just need to know so that we can try our best to help you."
"I just wanted out, okay?" Sirius barked, lips curled into a snarl.
Evelyn and Sirius remained silent, waiting for him to continue.
"I've fucked up everything in my life so why fucking bother, you know? I'm tired. I am so fucking tired. I don't want to keep on keeping on. Everything is horrible so what's the point? I was forced out of uni. I'm an embarrassment to my family. I'd be doing my parents a favor if I'd just say fuck all and kill myself. I lost Remus, I've lost James. I'm crazy. I'm always going to be crazy. What's the point of anything?"
"Sirius," Bella whispered, pulling Sirius forward and enveloping him into a hug.
"I just... I need so much. And I know I could never, never return the favor to anyone. I'm such a failure. They would... all... be.. better off... without me," he sobbed, tears falling freely now as Bella held him close, slender fingers rubbing his back soothingly.
"I know things seem horrible right now, Sirius, but they do get better," Evelyn offered softly, lips pressed into a sympathetic smile.
"I don't care. I'm done. I just want out," Sirius retorted, choking on his tears as continued to sob loudly into Bella's shoulder.
"Shhh. Come on, baby, shhh. It'll be okay. Go ahead and cry. I've got you, Siri... I've got you," she soothed, shooting Evelyn a pointed look.
"Your friends love you, Sirius. You know that," she continued, rubbing his back. "Sure James is probably right cross with you at the moment, but he'll come around. You've been best mates since you were both small."
Sirius shook his head, pulling out of Bella's embrace. "I don't know," he said doubtfully. "I've never seen James so angry."
"Give him some time to cool off. He'll forgive you. He knows you've been having a rough time, Sirius."
"I guess," Sirius retorted, frowning.
"Sirius-"
"Just leave me alone, okay?" Sirius interrupted, frowning.
"Sirius, we just want to talk-"
"I don't want to talk. I just want to go back to sleep. Please."
The two girls exchanged looks, sighing defeatedly.
"Eventually you're going to have to talk about this, Sirius," Evelyn noted, lips pursed tightly together.
"NO, I'm actually not. I've said all I have to say on the matter. My life fucking sucks and I want out. Period. There's nothing else to say," Sirius snapped, eyes burning with fury.
Bella opened her mouth to speak but froze, eyes glistening with moisture.
"Don't, Bella," Evelyn whispered soothingly, placing a gentle hand on the brunette's shoulder. "He's upset. Let him rest. He'll talk more when he's ready."
"Fat chance," Sirius hissed, as the two exited the room, shutting the door behind them.
Sirius sighed, sinking back into bed. "Some fucking life," he muttered to himself, angry tears streaking his cheeks. Next time I'll make sure I take enough to end it for good. Fuck this. Fuck everything.
