He watches her during meditation. It's fast becoming his favorite time of day because her eyes are closed and he can get away with it. Rey looks miserable. More often than not, when he sees her, her eyes are red and puffy, her face blotchy.

And it's destroying him.

To not comfort her when she's so obviously been crying goes against every instinct he possesses. He wants to stride through the other apprentices, pull her into his arms and croon how he loves her into ear. Deep down, where he lives, he knows she's his to protect and he's failing.

But it also makes him angry. If she's so upset with how things are, why isn't she talking to him? He can sense how deeply unhappy she is, and it just makes no sense.

To be fair, he hasn't tried again, keeping himself at the outskirts of temple life. As often as he can, he follows her from a safe distance, trying to keep his Force signature hidden. She's replaced her walks with hard runs through the jungle, but they don't seem to help.

As for his own existence, he does what's expected of him, but no more. It's not like he has any real friends, just that casual relationship you build over the years.

That's … that's not really true. Tai has tried to talk to him, but Ben just shrugs him off. Even Voe has been oddly kind, and she's usually quick to find fault.

Rey has been talking to Master Luke frequently, and it makes him feel abandoned all over again. His uncle must know what's going on, yet he doesn't even try to reach out to Ben. He thought he'd be used to that easy dismissal, but he's not. It still hurts.

Master Luke gives him a stern look, and Ben closes his eyes. But he doesn't meditate. He just thinks about her.


He's walking past Luke's private sanctuary when Rey flies from the room in tears. She sees him and comes to an abrupt halt. For what feels like an eternity, they're lost in each other's eyes, then she leans towards him, her hands lifting. But then she cries harder and rushes past him.

He could sense that she'd wanted to fall into his arms and his hands ball into fists. That's it. He needs answers and his master is going to give them to him.

Stalking into Luke's space, his mother's twin sighs heavily when he sees him.

"Ben, this isn't really a good time—"

"Tell me what's going on with Rey."

Luke's lips purse. "It's not my story to tell."

"Bantha shit. She won't talk to me, but she's clearly hurting because of it."

"She has her reasons," Luke says cryptically.

"Just tell me what I did wrong," Ben begs. He can't shake the feeling that this is all his fault, that he's to blame for her anguish.

"Oh, Ben … you didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why? Why is she crying all the time if it's not me?" he wails, frustrated at how young he sounds.

Luke gets the strangest expression, then rubs the bridge of his nose. "It's not your fault."

"Then what? Is it that other man?"

Looking up sharply, he asks, "You know about him?"

"Only a little." Though that Rey has talked to Luke about him, too, unsettles Ben. Just how deep do her feelings go?

"All I can say is that yes, it's about … him."

Of course it is. He'll never have her back if she's prefers a dead man to him. But why wouldn't she? It is him, after all.


He tries to talk to her at dinner, sitting down across from her. Master Luke had just spouted more evasive, patronizing pablum, so he's going to the source.

"Rey, you have to talk to me," he says forcefully.

Her face goes flat and she shakes her head.

"We're both suffering, I know we are. Just tell me why."

"I don't know how," she finally whispers.

"You mean so much to me. We don't have to touch any more, I promise I'll keep my hands to myself," he tries. It might be the hardest thing he's ever had to do, but if he can at least have her in his life, he'll do it.

Her face twists and she grabs her tray, fleeing him. Again. Ben slumps down, hunched over the table. His fists clench and he just wants to break something. Hurt something. The pain is too much and he wants something, anything, to feel just a fraction of his teeming need, his screaming anguish.

That's when Daxon sits down next to him and Ben makes a sneering smile. The voice calmly says, "Your rage is powerful, my boy. Use it."

"So, I guess she's really sick of you, huh, Solo," Daxon taunts.

"Get up and walk away," Ben warns.

Daxon snorts. "What? Is the Little Prince gonna hurt me if I don't?"

Ben's jaw works at the hated nickname. Daxon has always, always implied he's only here because of his family, not his own right to be a Jedi and in that moment, Ben hates him.

"Yes," Ben hisses.

"Maybe I'll just go find Rey. See if she's interested in a real man. Been a while since I got my dick wet."

Ben's vision tunnels, blood rushing in his ears. He's immediately assaulted by images of Rey, his Rey, under Daxon and he doesn't even remember throwing the first punch.

But now he has the hated boy on his back and his fists fly over and over again into his face, the satisfying feeling of bone crunching making him grin.

He feels hands try to pull him off, but he flings them away with the Force, continuing to beat the despised Daxon.

Then the haze of pure rage lifts when he hears Rey's voice cut through the chaos in his head. "Ben, no!"

His limbs go rigid and he can't move, then he's flying back, landing hard against the stone floor of the dining hall. Rey's face fills his vision and her stricken expression makes his heart ache. He just wants to see her smile again.

The adrenalin courses through his system and he shakes his head trying to clear it.

Rey's hands are on his face and she's crying. He hates when she cries. He hates when he makes her cry. "Oh, Ben … what did I do to you?"

"Just come back to me. Please Rey. I need you."

She helps him sit up and that's when he sees Luke crouched over Daxon's form, in an intense Force healing trance.

In a flash, he remembers what he's done and fear blooms in his chest. Luke only uses the Force when he has to. What did he do?

Rey looks over at the scene and starts to pull at his tunic. "Come on, let's get out of here."

He's not sure he should leave, but Rey wants him to, so he will. A bit unsteady on his feet, he lets her guide him from the dining hall.

Outside, she takes his hands, which now hurt like hell. The skin over his knuckles is split and he's almost certain he's broken something in one of them. How hard did he hit Daxon?

"Here, let me see," she says as she takes his hands. "Oh, Ben …"

"I … I'm sorry. For whatever I did, I'm sorry."

"Shhhh, not now." She holds his hands and closes her eyes, breathing in deeply. Her Force signature slides over his as she breathes in and out.

The sensation is heady. Rey is deep inside him as he feels his skin and bone knit back together. But feeling Rey like this, he's breathing harshly from how she's rushing through him. Something in him is winding around her, her weaving within him, like a tether forming between them. He's never felt so connected to another person.

He looks down to find his hands whole and she opens her eyes. She doesn't let his hands go, however.

Her eyes are huge with sorrow. "I'm so sorry, Ben. I've done this all so badly."

Was there a right way to break his heart? "Please, just tell me why."

She takes in a deep breath. "I can't." He's about to argue with her when she rushes to say, "But it's not your fault. And I never should have made you think it was."

"We can just be friends—" he starts to say.

"That's not … that's not what I want," she says with an odd tone.

He clutches at her fingers. "Please. I can't lose you."

"I know. I can't lose you, either."

"But you don't even want to be friends?" he asks in complete confusion.

She looks away and her eyes clench briefly. "I do want to be with you, Ben. I've never stopped … caring about you. But it … it hurts."

"I hurt you?" he asks with horror.

Her eyes fly to his, "No! No … I can't explain. I don't know how. But this, this isn't working."

Fear fills him then, a visceral kind of terror that feels ancient and instinctual.

"What do you mean?" he asks slowly.

She's about to answer when the dark storm of Luke Skywalker interrupts them.

"Ben!" he says with an angry voice.

Ben turns towards his uncle, keeping one of Rey's hands firmly in his. He's not letting her get away until he knows what she'd been about to say. But she doesn't even try to pull away, standing straighter next to him.

"It's not his fault," Rey defends.

"The hell it's not!" His eyes go to Ben's. "You almost killed Daxon."

"What?" Ben asks, not sure he'd heard correctly. Killed? He's never liked the other apprentice, but he doesn't want him dead.

"You heard me. I've tried to ignore your behavior, I truly have. This isn't the first time you've lost your temper. I think it's time for you to go home."

"What?" he breathes out. Leave the training temple? It's been his home for nine years. Yes, he never wanted to come, but now, now it's all he really knows. Then it hits him. Rey. He'd be parted from Rey!

"No, Uncle Luke, please! I never meant to hurt him!" Ben entreats.

"Master Luke, you know what's going on. You have to watch over him!" Rey pleads at the same time.

"Hush, both of you. I know this isn't what you wanted, but I can't put the other students in danger. Not even for my sister's son."

Ben flinches. Even in this moment, he won't claim him.

Rey pulls at Luke's robes. "But you know, you know!"

"And maybe this is what he truly needs. His parents. I can't help him," Luke says with finality and he turns, walking away.

Ben stands there, stunned, Rey's hand still in his, the only thing keeping him from flying apart. Because this means he'll have to leave her. She's finally talking to him again, holding his hand, and now he's going to be ripped from her side. Maybe forever.

He glances down on her and finds her face determined. Determined and angry. "Don't worry. It's going to be alright," she says. "It has to be," she says to herself.

"But … I don't want to leave you."

Her eyes widen. "I'll talk to him. Make him see reason."

"Do you think that will work? Master Luke … well, when he makes a decision …"

"Oh, don't worry. I think I can convince him," she says with a confidence he doesn't share.

It's tempting, very tempting to ignore the bantha in the room and just keep holding her hand, but he's been in utter torment for days and he still needs to understand. He pushes away his worry about leaving the school and focuses on Rey.

"I think we need to talk. Really talk," he implores.

Rey makes a funny face. "Do we have to?"

Ben nods and Rey sighs. "Yeah. Okay. Let's go somewhere we can be alone."


He stops walking as soon as he realizes she's taking him to her hut. "Rey, are you sure?"

She shrugs. "No one will bother us here."

Rey tugs at his hand and he keeps walking with her in a daze. The thought of being in her personal space is electrifying and his mind tumbles with possibilities. Wait, no. Everything is a complete mess, he won't think about Rey's bed.

He ducks his head to enter and sees that Rey has amassed quite a collection of odds and ends in her short time at the temple. She's already managed to acquire a bench, littered with spare parts. There's even a half-repaired droid.

She sits down on her bed roll and gestures for Ben to join her. But his eyes bulge out of his head and he starts to sit on the floor.

"Don't be ridiculous," she huffs.

He's always helpless when it comes to Rey, so he gingerly sits next to her, leaving quite a bit of space.

She turns, facing him and he just looks at her, neither of them speaking.

It's such a luxury to be able to simply memorize her features for the hundredth time. Her bright eyes and fine brows, her pert nose and shapely lips … he truly could spend hours only looking at her.

But she breaks the silence. "I'm sorry, Ben. I didn't want to hurt you and I know I did."

He nods. "Yeah. Yeah you did."

"All I can tell you is that I thought I was doing the right thing. I can't explain, not really, but please believe me that I was hurting just as much."

"Then why wouldn't you talk to me?" He grimaces at the slight whine in his voice.

"I didn't know how … stars, this is so hard."

"What did you mean when you said this isn't working?" he asks fearfully.

"Not being with you. I don't know how …"

"I don't know how, either," he admits.

Her eyes fill with entreaty and she crosses the distance between them, once again taking his hand. "Could we … could we start over?"

It doesn't sit well with him, to just brush the last few days away. He's still confused and deeply hurt. And he still doesn't understand. But if it means having Rey back, he'll agree to it. He'd agree to anything.

Carefully, he asks, "What does that look like?"

"Maybe … go slow?"

Slow. He can do slow. He'll probably burn up in his imaginings, but he was doing that, anyway.

"Whatever you need, Rey."

Relief lines her entire form and she smiles at him, scooting closer. "Could you … could you maybe hold me?"

If getting to hold her is part of going slow, he is absolutely on board. He lifts his arm and she melts into his side. He gathers her close and only just manages to keep from kissing her temple.

She feels unbelievably good, and after his fraught morning, tears prick at his eyes from all the emotions coursing through him. If Luke really makes him leave, he'll lose her just when she's come back to him.

He won't let that happen, he thinks darkly.

Rey is his and nothing and no one is going to take her from him.

Ever again.


Thank you, ArtemisBare, I added crunchy bits just for you!

Thank you, Readers! I was so worried you'd all come for head on the last chapter. I should probably say that my HEA policy is still firmly in place. Your wonderful comments are making this that much more satisfying to write and they're keeping my muse in coffee and cigarettes. Thank you!