Holding Rey in her little hut after days of distance and pain is so soothing, he can't even really begin to fathom it. It's just so right. Her hand comes up and she places it on his chest, pressing him slightly. She can't possibly mean she wants him to lay back. Can she?
He stiffens and her hand falls, her own form growing tense.
"No, please don't pull away!" he pleads with panic.
"I just … I thought we could get more comfortable."
"But you said you wanted to go slow," he says in a confused tone. Laying down with her in a bed feels like the exact opposite of that.
"I do. But … I need to be close. I've missed you so much. I can't even begin to explain how much I've needed to be in your arms again." Her voice sounds haunted, and he adds this to his growing list of things that don't quite make sense. All she had to do was ask, and he would have crossed systems in order to hold her. She must know that.
However, the last thing he's going to do is press her to explain, not when he's almost drunk on the feel of her.
"You won't … you won't run from me again?" he asks carefully.
"I'm done running, Ben. This is where I'm meant to be."
His throat goes tight with emotion, to hear she feels the same way he does unfurls something inside him. He wants to ask her, ask if she feels as drawn to him as he does to her, but the answer frightens him, so instead, he holds her gently as he lays back on the bed.
They scramble a bit to get comfortable, kicking off their shoes. Then she settles her head on his chest and he wraps her as close as he can with both arms. He lets out a quiet whimper as she tangles her legs with his and he really does think he might start crying.
After needing her so much, he'd never imagined he would get to feel something so singular as having her this near, feeling her whole body pressed against his. His heart just isn't large enough to contain all the love coursing through him, and he has to say something.
"Rey … I … I …"
"I know. I feel it, too."
Maker, he hopes that's true. He's never let himself believe she could love him back, but having her wrapped so tightly in his arms makes him think anything is possible.
She nestles in even closer and he takes in a shaky breath. He doesn't care how late it is, he's going to hold her for as long as she'll allow.
The morning light slants across his face and he turns his head to avoid the glare. Oh, what a delicious dream, holding Rey all night long. Wait. Oh, gods! They fell asleep! He'd never meant to spend the night with her, and he's consumed by frantic fear.
Will Rey be angry with him? Think he's taken liberties? Then ice trickles down his spine. Everyone will think that they'd … they'd … when he'd never treat her like that. Carry her off to her hut and bed her after such chaos. No, he intends to court her properly, make it clear how dear she is to him.
Rey is sleeping heavily, snoring lightly as her little hand clutches at his tunic, as if she's afraid he'll disappear into thin air.
"Rey, sweetheart," he murmurs, gently nudging her shoulder.
She crinkles her face and mumbles, "Sleeping. Comfy."
"I know, but it's morning. We fell asleep."
At that her eyes crack open and he waits to see how angry she is. But instead, she smiles at him languidly and the way she's looking at him, sleep mussed and so vulnerable, makes his heart sing.
This. He wants this for the rest of his life.
She goes up on one elbow, gazing down on him. He looks at her bashfully. "I'm sorry, I never meant to fall asleep."
Rey shrugs. "I dunno. It felt right."
"You always feel right," he blurts and she smiles happily. Then her eyes become deep and nearly desperate, her lip trembling as she strokes his face. She seems almost frightened.
"You're so beautiful …" she breathes out. It's odd to be called beautiful, but she's touching him like he's precious and he leans into her fingertips, wanting more contact. But then the moment is over, and she draws away, sitting up.
He awkwardly joins her, his limbs still stiff from sleep, but soon they're sitting cross legged across from each other.
"So, you aren't … you aren't worried what people will think?" he asks worriedly.
"Let them think what they want. What's between us is ours and no one else's," she says with finality.
Her words make him feel amazingly safe, like she really does want to be with him, and he can't help it, he pulls her to him and soon she's sprawled in his lap. He cups the back of neck and nuzzles at her temple.
She giggles and playfully pushes back, but he tightens his hold, refusing to releaser her.
"Come on, we should get up. It's probably past morning meditation."
That reminds him, like a splash of cold water, that Luke had said he had to leave. He's about to bring it up when stills in his arms and looks at him with a conflicted expression.
"What is it?" he asks.
"Daxon … you really hurt him."
He'd almost forgotten about what he'd done. So much had happened that it seems almost like a dream. "I know," he says bleakly.
"Why, why did you do that?"
"He … he said something crude about you and I didn't even decide to hit him, I just did."
"While I thank you for defending my honor, I can protect myself."
"I know you can, but I swear, it just … I just had to." You're mine.
"The dark side, it was all around you." Her expression is troubled and tight.
He wants to ask her if that's really so bad, if they should be so afraid of the dark side. It's still the Force. How can they have that balance Luke always blathers on about without it?
Instead, he says, "Sometimes I … struggle."
"I know. I can sense it. There's … there's darkness in you."
"Does it frighten you?" he asks, a bit defensively.
She smiles sadly. "I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out. I do know there's darkness in me, too."
He's wondered. There's a deep well of pain inside this young woman who holds his heart in her hands, and it calls to him, makes him trust her.
Ben is a bit surprised that that's still true. He thought he'd be wary of her, but instead he's just relieved that she's back. Somehow, he knows she didn't want to hurt him.
"You should apologize, make things right."
Scowling, he responds gruffly, "You don't know what he said about you, and no, I'm not going to tell you."
"Are there any words that are worth the beating you gave him?"
He knows she's right. But the thought of apologizing to Daxon galls him.
"Just think about it, okay?"
"Yeah, okay." He sighs and changes the subject. "Do you really think Luke will relent?"
She nods. "I'll talk to him after breakfast. But it doesn't really matter."
"Of course it matters!" he sputters. They'd be torn apart again, and that he won't allow.
"I'd just come with you," she says like it's the most obvious thing in the galaxy.
"What?" he asks, a bit stunned.
"Do you really think I could just let you leave after everything?" He has no idea how to form words at the complete devotion she's showing him and he just gapes. Her face crumbles and she's pulsing with insecurity. "I mean … unless you don't want me—"
"No! I mean yes! I mean, of course I'd want you to come with me!" he rushes to say.
She ducks her head and makes a private smile, then she's looking back at him. "See? Everything will be fine."
But her smile wavers ever so slightly.
They walk to breakfast together, hands linked. Ben is so happy that he'd not been prepared for the hush that comes over the dining hall when they enter.
No one will look at him, and the older students gather around Daxon protectively.
His chest is heavy with regret, and he's grateful Luke's healing had ensured there were no bruises, no sign of his brutality. But a snarling voice breaks free from somewhere ugly inside him. Daxon deserved it. He disrespected Rey.
Her hand tightens in his and she catches his gaze, clearly trying to communicate support. "Go on," she says softly. "Now would be a good time to say you're sorry."
"But I'm not," he argues.
She turns to him and the disappointment in her eyes makes his stomach squirm. "Is that really true?" she asks keenly.
Glowering, he has to acknowledge in his own head that he is sorry. He wouldn't be if it had just been a single punch, but he really had taken it too far.
Ben sighs loudly and starts to move towards Daxon. He'll do anything to wipe that look from her eyes.
However, before he can get there, Luke steps in front of him. "I think it's better if you take your meals in your hut until your father arrives."
"That's not fair!" Rey rushes to say, her eyes blazing. Stars, she's magnificent.
Luke sighs. "It's really for the best."
Her jaw works and she says with a furious tone, "May we speak privately, Master Luke?"
"I don't know what it will accomplish—"
"You owe me that much," she nearly snarls, causing Luke to blink in surprise.
But then he's nodding. "Come to my sanctuary, then." His stern eyes go to Ben. "Go wait in your hut, pack your things. Han should be here by tonight."
Ben angrily packs his clothing away as he fumes. He doesn't want to go, this has become his home. Besides, he doesn't really want to relive the way his parents never have time for him. How he always felt in the way, a second thought.
On some level he knows he's not being fair, but he's too angry.
Knowing that Rey is willing to come with him calms him somewhat, but then he has a horrible thought. What if his parents say no? He hadn't thought of that and now he's no longer angry. No, he's afraid.
Would Rey be willing to just strike out into the galaxy with him? Try to make a life together? He doesn't even begin to know what to do. He has no education, no skills. He's just a half-trained Jedi.
Rey deserves so much more than that.
By the time Rey arrives at his hut, he's managed to tie himself into so many knots that his stomach cramps with anxiety. He's convinced that it's all going to fall apart, that he's going to lose her.
He wants to gather her close, but she's positively vibrating with anger as she slams into his space.
"That selfish, myopic, ignorant old nerf herder!" she spits. "I tried everything, but he won't budge." She starts to pace and lets out an inarticulate howl. "I just want to slap him!"
"He knows, he knows!" she yells as she makes another turn around the small room.
That doesn't really make sense, but it's all falling apart, and Ben thinks he might be sick. He can't lose Rey, he just can't. He doesn't care that he has to leave the temple, he just needs Rey.
"And on top of everything, he's comming Leia right now, telling her that it wouldn't be a good idea for me to come with you!" She says the last bit with a mocking tone, but Ben is too terrified to enjoy her ire on his behalf.
His mother always, always listens to her twin. He rakes his fingers through his hair and goes down into a crouch as he starts to breathe quickly. What is he going to do? He won't be without Rey. He won't!
"Hey, hey. It's alright," Rey soothes, going on her knees in front of him. Her hands come up and she's pulling him to her. Soon, his head is on her shoulder and for a moment, it feels like it really is alright.
Calmer now, he plaintively asks, "What are we going to do?"
"Maybe Leia won't listen to Luke." It strikes him as odd that she calls his mother Leia, but he wants them to be close, so maybe it's a good sign.
"Not likely. She's been following his advice when it comes to me for as long as I can remember."
She stands and pulls him to his feet then looks up at him with a grin. "Then we'll just have to convince Han."
He blinks down on her and finds himself smiling. That … that could work.
His dad will do just about anything to drive his mom crazy.
They'd spent the day packing and keeping to themselves. He'd been surprised that Rey hadn't wanted to say goodbye to the other apprentices, but then he'd realized she never had seemed to make friends. She hasn't brought up apologizing again, thank the Maker.
Now they're sitting around the fire pit while the other students eat their dinner. Rey had hidden away a shocking amount of food in her hut, so they hadn't had to brave the dining hall again.
"Where do your parents live, anyway?" she asks.
"Well, my mother keeps apartments in several places, but right now she's on Hosnian Prime." A queer sort of sadness flits through her eyes, but it's gone in an instant.
"But not your dad?" she asks, her brow furrowed.
"Oh, he visits, but he pretty much lives on the Falcon. Uh, the Millennium Falcon. Listen, when you see the ship, don't say it's a hunk of junk." His father is very sensitive about his ship and he still remembers having to clean the whole galley when he'd suggested the old girl was on her last legs.
"I've heard of her. She's supposed to be really fast."
"Oh, she is, when she feels like it. Wonkiest computer interface I've ever seen."
"Well, I'm looking forward to seeing her ag- uh, seeing her."
"Don't expect much," he mumbles, and he's surprised at Rey's offended expression.
He hears the Falcon's telltale engines and his anxiety comes for him again, making his legs bounce.
Rey squeezes his knee and says, "Don't worry, it's going to be alright. I have a feeling Han is going to like me."
She makes a secret smile and Ben hopes her confidence isn't misplaced. "Listen, Rey, if this goes badly—"
"It won't, I won't let it," she says with determination.
"But if it does, I'm prepared to try and make a go of it with you. We could work on a freighter or something, just until I can figure something out."
She laces his fingers with hers and looks deeply into his eyes. "I know. Whatever happens, we're together."
He nods. "Together."
Then he turns his head, sensing someone approaching.
"So, this is the little girlfriend, huh kid?"
A/N: Thank you, ArtemisBare, who read even though she had a headache! Feel better soon, m'dear.
Thank you, Readers! This will be the last chapter until probably Tuesday. My Celebration roommate is coming for a visit, so I don't think I'll have time to write. Thank you all for being just the best, the absolute best!
