His fingers dig into the flesh of her bicep, and he uses the other hand to rush into her memories with the Force. She's so surprised that there's no fight and he slides into her mind easily.

The first thing he finds is a memory of Rey strapped to a horrible chair-like apparatus, fear and defiance filling her in equal measure. Crouched at her feet is the man in the mask from his nightmares. But then horror blooms in his chest as he watches the specter remove the severe mask and his own face stares back at him. He's older, brimming with the dark, but it's unmistakably him.

He should stop, tears are streaming down her face, her eyes wide with shock, but he has to find the other man, know who it was that Rey loved so fiercely. Coursing with the dark side, he focuses intently.

Rey's face shifts from surprise to bared teeth, and she's fighting him, hard. Trying to push him out, but he holds firm. Her eyes light with fire and she throws a memory at him with so much force he almost loses his bearings in her mind.

He sees himself on a long, narrow bridge, cloaked in darkness and his father is with him. And then his entire galaxy flies apart as he sees that spitting red saber plunge into his father's chest.

Immediately, he's thrust from her mind and he can't think. He'd just seen the unimaginable. He … he killed his father?

That's when his parents break into the room and his mother looks at him with genuine fear. "What did you do?" she cries out.

Rey slips from his hold, falling to her knees, sobbing so hard she can barely breathe. Her weeping scours the dark from his entire being and he crouches in front of her, finally seeing what he'd done to his Rey. His soul.

He'd violated her mind!

How could he, how could he?

"Han, stay with Rey," Leia demands and she's pulling Ben out of his bedroom and down the hall to her study.

"What did you do?" she repeats with a hard voice. Her study is dark save a small light fighting against the oppressive gloom that now cloaks everything.

"I … I had to know. It was like I wasn't myself. I'd never do that to Rey!" He can't even think about what he'd seen. His father ...

"Well, you did. You were lost in the dark side; I could feel it clear across the apartment."

He can still hear her sobs and his father's murmured comfort, and he pulls from his mother. He has to get back to her, fix this.

"Stop right there, young man," his mother says, and he feels the Force pull at his limbs. His mother never uses the Force, she's clearly dead serious. "You've done something unforgivable, haven't you?"

"I … I had to know," he repeats in a whisper. Leia's hard face makes him break wide open. "I … I went into her memories."

His mother gasps. "Oh, Son …" She comes up to him but doesn't touch him. "What did you need to know so desperately?"

"There's another man, from the future. Rey loved him, but she won't tell me who he is!" he defends, badly. His eyes go to the open door of the room and his whole body vibrates with the need to be with Rey.

"You always were a jealous boy, never wanting to share anything with the other children, least of all yourself," she sighs. Then her face grows intensely serious. "Ben, that other man, he's you."

"But … she loved him," he says in confusion. And yet his future self had hurt her. Will he always hurt her?

"Yes. Precisely. Rey is completely devoted to you. Why do you think she came back? She did it to save you. To keep you from falling to the dark side."

He's thought about it, the dark. But he'd never genuinely wanted only the dark side. He'd wanted to have full use of both sides of the Force. To deny half of the power available had always seemed short sighted.

Now though … the things it made him do ... What else did his future self put Rey through? The eyes he'd seen, they'd been deep pools of pain. How did she come to care for him even though he'd imprisoned her? How deeply does she love him? Can he ever be worthy of that level of constancy?

The sound of her weeping has finally stopped and, somehow, that's worse. "Please, Mom, let me go to her. I have to make this right."

"I'm not sure you can," Leia says sadly. "You've abused her trust, invaded her privacy almost beyond imagining. You've stolen from her."

Violated her.

He feels like he's going to be sick. He never wants to touch the dark ever again, not if that's how it poisoned him. But … she was willing to come back to him even after he'd killed his own father … maybe … maybe she'll forgive him for this.

"I have to try."

Leia looks deeply troubled, but she nods and he's flying from her study.

The image that greets him in his room makes him stand completely still. His father's hand is on Rey's shoulder and he's crouched next to her. She's in a fetal position and just blinking slowly. There's no light behind her eyes.

He's never seen anyone look so shattered before. And he's the one who did it.

To her.

"Rey?" he croaks.

She doesn't respond. Her eyes don't even shift. It's like she's not even in there any longer.

He meets his father's gaze, and the disappointment he finds makes him stagger back.

"I … I didn't mean to," Ben says in a low, shamed tone.

"I'm not sure that matters," Han responds quietly.

Ben joins them on the floor and lays on his side so he's face-to-face with Rey.

"Rey?"

This time her eyes flick to his and a single tear leaks out. It feels like that tear slices through his chest. "I'm so sorry."

With no inflection in her tone, she says, "I'm used to it."

What else has his future self done to her?

"I promise, I'll never invade your mind again. I promise," he pleads.

"I thought … I thought if I loved you enough, I could keep you here with me. But I'm too late."

"No, no, you aren't. I see. I see now. I'll never leave you."

"Everyone leaves me. My parents. Your parents. You. The dark takes everything."

"No … no … I won't let it."

"You can't stop it. No one can."

"I'll show you, I'll prove it to you."

For one moment, her eyes finally meet his, and the desolation he finds is like a burned-out forest, nothing left but ash. Then her eyes slide away.

"Rey?"

Blink.

"Rey?"

Blink.

"Rey?" he calls out desperately, but she doesn't respond. With a trembling hand, he reaches out for her, softly stroking her cheek.

And she flinches.

His touch hurts her, and he wrenches his hand back, terrified to harm her further.

He feels his mother's hands on him. "Come away, Ben. She needs time."

"I can't leave her," he chokes out, tears wrapping around his throat and squeezing.

"Come away," Leia repeats and he lets himself be pulled to his feet.

He stares at her for an eternity before his mother leads him away.


Leia walks him to the guest quarters, and he doesn't quite remember the journey. He knows his feet had moved, but time has become unstuck.

"What do you need?" his mother asks quietly.

"Rey," he responds, only able to speak his one true need.

Her eyes clench shut in pain. "I know … but is there anything else?"

He sits heavily on the bed, and the scent of Rey hits him, hard. She'd slept in this bed just last night. Ben can't face talking about what he'd seen in her mind, the nightmare bridge and that moment where his future self had committed the most unnatural of sins. All he can do is shake his head.

She sighs and pulls the throw blanket from the end of the bed, going to the chair at the edge of the room. Before she sits, she says, "Try and get some sleep. I'm not going anywhere." She wraps herself in the blanket and pulls her legs up until she's curled in a ball.

Mirroring her position, Ben falls back into bed and draws his knees to his chest.

That's when the tears come. He doesn't sob, he doesn't weep. But the tears cut down his face as his heart keens for its mate.

What has he done?

Rey …


Somehow, he falls asleep. But there's no relief to be found in his dreamscape. Only Rey's broken face and wrenching tears.


First light finally breaks, and he drags himself from Rey's bed. His mother is softly snoring in her chair, the blanket having fallen from her shoulders. He tucks her back in and shuffles out of the room, lost.

He wants to go to Rey, but he knows he doesn't deserve the comfort just seeing her would bring him, so he makes his way to the kitchen. Caf is the only thing he can imagine helping right now.

He's surprised to find his father already brewing the caffeinated beverage and he's instantly angry.

"You left Rey alone?" he growls.

"She finally fell asleep, thought I'd let her get some rest."

Oh. Well that's alright he supposes.

Fearfully, he asks, "Is she alright? Did she say anything?"

His father's gaze is full of such sadness and it hits Ben straight in the gut. He has to push away the image of his father falling away from his murderer's hand. The only place he can find to hide is that it hasn't happened yet.

"No, she's not alright. What you did …"

"I know," Ben says miserably.

"I'm not sure you do," Han responds.

"I broke her trust."

"You broke her heart."

Ben hides his face in his hands and murmurs, "I know."

"Do you? That girl lived through hell and crossed time, because that's how much she loves you. I've never seen anything like it. And I've seen a lot."

The tears prick his eyes again and he can't face anymore so he starts to leave the kitchen.

"Hey … hey kid, come back."

Ben whirls back to face his father. "I know! I know I've done something … something evil. And to Rey. I can't really believe I did it. It didn't feel like me. I'd never, ever hurt her!"

"But you did,"

"I know," Ben moans.

"Come on, sit. Let's figure out how to fix this."

He hesitantly follows his father to the kitchen table as his father slides a cup of caf in front of him. "Normally, I'd add a shot of Corellian brandy to that, but something tells me alcohol won't help."

"Nothing can help."

"Time and love. Trust me, I've screwed up with your mom, more times than I care to admit. Rey loves you. It's going to work itself out. I mean, there's that dyad thingie working for you."

"I've never even told her," Ben breathes out.

"Told her what?"

"That I love her. Gods, Dad, I love her so much."

"I know, I know you do. I'm sure Rey knows, too."

"How could she believe I love her after what I did to her?"

His father frowns into his cup but doesn't say anything.


Ben haunts the apartment, waiting for any sign of Rey, but she doesn't emerge from his bedroom. Several times, he lurks in the corridor outside the door, but he knows he's lost all right to her attention, so he never knocks.


She never comes out. All day. His parents bring her food, so at least he knows she's being fed. But he's not sure if she's actually eating, making him feel like more of a failure.

Because that's what he's done. He's failed her. He couldn't even protect her from himself.

He can't tell his parents what he'd seen and he's noticed neither of them have asked. Clearly, they respect the sanctity of her mind far more than he does.


"Do you want me to stay with you?" his mother asks him as he begins to make his way to the guest quarters.

"No, I'll be fine," he lies.

Leia frowns but doesn't press. "Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me."

She starts to turn to leave when Ben asks, "Has she said anything?"

His mother shakes her head. "Not much. It was all I could do to get her to drink some tea."

"She's not … she's not eating?"

Leia's voice shudders with sadness. "No."

He only nods and softly closes the guest room door.


The nightmares are brutal. Over and over again he relives her betrayed face as he'd cut into her mind, the tears running down her perfect face as he'd driven in ever deeper.

That mask and fiery red saber frighten him most of all.

When he endures his father's death at his own hand, he can't take it anymore and he tears the blanket off the bed, stalking down the hallway.


In front of her door, he curls up on the floor, facing the barrier between them, wrapping himself in the throw from the guest room.

At least he's close to her, here.

Then he hears it, Rey is softly weeping and something inside him cracks. His heart is all alone, crying tears he'd torn from her.

His trembling hand finds her door and he lays his palm flat against the panel.

He whispers, "I'm here. I'm here."


A/N: Thank you, ArtemisBare. I hope today is kind to you.

Thank you, Readers! For those of you who haven't read my work before, please know that you can trust me. I will fix this. Thank you all so much for riding this pain train with me. I couldn't keep up this pace without you!