He wakes up to Rey burrowing into his arms and curling back into him. Instinctively, he wraps her up completely. Then it hits him. Rey! She's here, with him. He thought he might never be allowed to touch her again, and her she is, cocooning herself with his warmth.

Terrified to speak, he just soaks up the feeling of her soft body held close and treasured. But he's now completely awake, not having been sleeping deeply anyway. He desperately wants to tell her how sorry he is, how much he loves her, but what if that makes her leave?

Then he realizes she's sleeping on the cold floor with him and that doesn't sit well with him. At all. Rey has had too many nights sleeping in makeshift cots and as long as he breathes, Rey will sleep in a bed.

He begins to untangle himself, and she clings to him, shuddering out, "Don't leave me!"

"Shhh, shhh. I'm not going anywhere."

He gets to his knees and hooks his arms behind her legs and back and stands, lifting her up. She immediately wraps her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Holding her as close as he can, he takes her back into his room, making soothing nonsense noises the whole way.

While he has no idea why Rey has graced him with her presence, he's going to tend to her as best as she'll let him.

Gently, he lays her down on his bed and swiftly crawls in after her. He hasn't even swung his legs in before she's on him, her hands clutching at his sleepwear. Cautiously, he begins to stroke his fingers through her hair, and she winds her legs with his. Once they're as tangled together as they could possibly be, she seems to settle.

"Do you need anything?" he whispers.

She shakes her head as her fingers knead into him. Slowly, he keeps carding his hands through her tresses and senses her calming. Soon she's asleep and he stares at the ceiling.

He's afraid to fall asleep. His behavior … well it's unforgivable, and who knows if this is the last night she'll seek him out. And so he continues to thread her hair through his fingers and breathe in her scent. His heart bleeds, but it's no worse than he deserves.

How could he have ever risked this? What can he do to mend their shared soul that he so carelessly shattered?


Though he'd never really slept, too focused on Rey, he feels oddly rested when she begins to stir. Her head lifts and her eyes open.

He's half-convinced that she'll run from the room when she sees him, but instead, she only blinks slowly and he's falling into her eyes. Their connection has changed, and he can sense so much more from her.

The bleakness is nearly overwhelming and he feels like he's choking on her sadness.

"Oh, Rey …" he murmurs. "I'm so sorry. I'm just so, so sorry."

She nods and starts to pull from his arms. While his instincts scream at him to snatch her back, never let her go, he forces himself to keep his hold loose. Soon she's on her feet and he's so glad he didn't give up a moment of holding her while she slept.

But they need to talk, he knows they do.

"Tell me what you need," he requests softly, sitting up.

Her hands fall to her sides, her back turned to him. "I don't know," she says with a hollow voice.

Cautiously, he gets to his feet and comes behind her. He craves to pull her back into his arms, but the last thing he wants to do is cross her boundaries. Again.

"Could we … could we talk?" he asks, his voice full of fear.

She shrugs and he comes around her, looking down on her now-empty eyes.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asks in a trembling voice.

Finally, she shows real spark as she cries out, "No!"

"May I touch you?" he asks, keeping his bearing as open and non-threatening as he can. He feels like he's trying to coax her the way he had the feral kitten he'd found as a boy.

She nods once and he takes her hands, oh so gently.

"I know I crossed every line there is to cross. I know I've hurt you, worse than I ever knew that I could. I promise that I'll never invade your privacy like that, never again." He squeezes her hands. "You aren't too late; I won't ever fall to the dark side."

Her eyes fill with tears and his do, too.

"But," her eyes immediately grow wary. "But, I think we have to start being honest with each other. If you still … if you still want to be with me."

She lets out one small sob and the tears break free, coursing down her face. "I don't know how not to be," she whispers.

"Oh, oh, sweetheart … I don't want you to feel you have no choice."

"I had a choice, once. And I chose you."

He wipes the tears from her face and keeps her cheek cupped in his hand. "I would always choose you."

"Me, too," she says quietly.

He can't speak for a moment, the relief making his tears threaten to fall. And then he doesn't care, let them fall, he won't hide anything from Rey.

And so he's crying when he asks, "Still?"

"Still," she confirms.

"Rey … you must know."

"Know what?" she asks.

He doesn't know how long her mercy will last, still certain her willingness to be in the same room as him is some sort of blessed dream. He can't take the chance that he's never able to tell her.

"You must know … you must know how much I love you."

Her face crumples and he panics. Why is he always hurting her?

"I … I hoped," she chokes out.

"I love you, with everything that I am, I love you."

"I never … I never knew … in the future."

Ben swallows down the strange swell of jealousy. How is it possible to be jealous of one's self?"

"I loved you the moment I saw you. I'm sure I did, then, too." He can't imagine a reality where he doesn't love Rey.

She lets out a desperate sob and she's reaching for him. In an instant he has her in his arms again. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he chants. Her whole body shakes, and he murmurs, "I've got you, I've got you."

Finally, she draws back and her eyes find his. There's happiness there for the first time since his catastrophic choice to break into her mind.

"May I … may I kiss you?" he asks, hopeful and terrified at the same time.

Her slight nod is all he needs and he slowly brings his lips to her.

Oh. Oh … it's the most beautiful feeling he's ever known, feeling that connection again. Only, it's so much stronger now. Something between them has fundamentally changed, of that he's sure. He doesn't let it spiral, however. This is about soothing the pain he's caused, not igniting the fire that often threatens to consume them.

He draws back and looks into her eyes. He knows that they have so much more to say to each other, but his need to care for her triumphs. "Let me feed you," he pleads. "Mom said you weren't eating."

She makes a funny little smile tinged with sadness. "I am pretty hungry."

"Come on then," he says, taking her hand and tugging her to the door.

She follows him and he finds he can almost breathe.

Then he realizes for all his talk of honesty, he's going to have to tell her about the voice.


He'd hoped that his parents wouldn't be up yet, but they're sitting at the breakfast table, nibbling at pastries and sipping caf. His mother is studying reports and it gives him pause. He realizes she hasn't been working. At all.

Leia's eyes go to their faces, then to their linked hands and she makes a small, private smile.

"Hey, kids," Han says a bit too enthusiastically. "Kiss and make up?"

"Han!" Leia sputters, batting at him.

"What?" he squawks, holding his hands up defensively.

His mom just rolls her eyes.

"Hey, uh, Dad? Could you show me how to make those griddle cakes you made when I was a kid?" After the horrible image of his father dying at his own hand, he finds he wants to spend as much time with him as he can, reassure himself that it hasn't happened. That it will never happen.

Though this plan has one glaring flaw. He'll need both hands and he regretfully let's her go. She surprises him, though, turning back to him and kissing his cheek softly. She whispers, "I'm not going anywhere," into his ear.

He frowns slightly. This is all a bit too easy and he wants to talk with her, but again, feeding her takes precedence.

His dad lumbers up next to him and starts to pull ingredients from the cupboard.


As they ladle the batter into the waiting pan, Han says, "So, your mom and I were talking. We thought maybe you'd like to come with me on a short job."

"That's up to Rey. If she wants to come, then sure."

"Uh … well, we thought maybe it might be good for you two to have a little time apart. Just so you can both really think. Don't think you'll get much space if you're sleeping outside her door."

"Saw that, did you?" Ben asks with a cringe.

"Oh yeah." Then he whispers with a wink, "Good thinking, too."

"It wasn't a gambit," Ben growls, lowly, trying to keep their conversation private.

"Just saying I wish I'd thought of it. Might have saved me a few nights on the Falcon."

Ben just gives his father a withering stare.

His dad shrugs. "Anyway, you two … you're pretty … intense. After what happened, we just thought some time to think might not be the worst idea."

Ben just about jumps out of his skin when Rey's voice pipes up right behind him. "I think it's a good idea."

Turning around swiftly, Ben asks, "You do?"

"I … I get confused when you're near. All I can feel is the bond between us and I can't think clearly."

"Oh," Ben says with a forlorn voice. What if she decides she doesn't want him any longer while he's gone?

As if she's heard him, she says, "Nothing will change between us. I promise."

He sighs. "But they need to, don't they?" he asks keenly.

"I … I …"

Then he smells the griddle cake burning and he swears, turning back to the range.

Her hand is soft against his back when she says, "We'll talk after breakfast."


Watching Rey eat her fill had made him feel somewhat better, but he doesn't like the idea of leaving her behind. It feels too much like abandoning her after hurting her. Like they'd both been abandoned.

She'd agreed to talk with him, and he'd taken her to the conservatory again. She'd seemed to like it so much.

Rey wanders throughout the space, her hand gliding over all of the flowers and plants. She lingers most over the orchids and he makes a note of it.

Taking her hand, he leads her over to a set of chairs facing each other. He wants to have her as close as he can, but somehow, he thinks being able to see her face is what really matters.

As soon as she sits, her arms wrap around her torso and he sees that she's still afraid of him. He accepts it. She's right to be.

He's about to try to explain himself when she looks at him with clear eyes. "Why did you do that, Ben?"

All the words he'd been planning flee his head and he opens and closes his mouth until finally he says, "I had to know who the other man was."

"Why didn't you just ask?"

"You made me promise not to!"

She looks away then puts her head in her hands. "You're right. I did." She lifts her head. "But … why did you need to know so badly?"

"Because you said you love him! Then you already had that implant and … and …"

"Wait … were you … jealous?" she asks in disbelief.

"It was killing me," he admits truthfully. "The thought of someone else touching you … it got into my head and I lost control."

"But … we share a soul … Ben, don't you know there could never be anyone for me but you?"

"You … you were so strange when we first met, like you were grieving. Him. Me."

"I was," she says softly.

"Then why did you leave him … me … us?"

Pure anguish fills her face and she whispers, "I didn't."

"I don't understand."

"You … you died, Ben."

He blinks and then it all makes a horrible kind of sense. She had been grieving, having lost a version of himself.

She takes in a long breath. "You sacrificed yourself, for me. You saved my life."

Ben doesn't know what to say to that. How could he ever show her that he loves her as much, more than his future self, if he'd given her the ultimate gift of his devotion?

"So that's … that's why you would come close then run away."

"Yes … it was so hard. I'd just lost you, it hurt so much. Every time you smiled, I'd see my Ben."

Ice freezes over his heart. Maybe she doesn't love him at all. Maybe she's just trying to cobble together a life with him out of fragments of the man she once loved.

She leans forward and takes his hand. "But … but as time went on, I got to know you. And … and I fell for you all over again. This time though … it didn't hurt, not like it did the first time. I love you. You."

Her words make him want to grab her and spin her around the room, but he knows it's not really the time for that. But he still feels a bit giddy. Rey loves him back!

He wonders if he should ask for more details about himself, about what he'd done to her, but he suddenly doesn't want to know. At all. He doesn't want to know more of what he's capable of. He wants to shut that door forever. Perhaps she was right to hide things from him.

There are things he wants to say. She's still a shade of herself and he wonders if maybe his father is right. Maybe Rey really does need space. He can't even imagine the chaos that must be in her head, having to navigate this new world while still healing.

He wants to tell her about the voice, he really does, but he can't seem to bring that presence here, now that he can see what it nearly cost him. Because he'll never forget how it had pushed him to force himself into her mind.

Whatever happens next, he'll never let the voice anywhere near him or Rey ever again.

He's going to protect her, from the voice, from the dark side.

From himself, if he has to.


A/N: I promise, Ben isn't just getting away with it. But Rey is so traumatized that she just needs him right now.

Thank you, ArtemisBare, for continuing to put up with me.

Thank you, Readers! Two weeks of a chapter a day! Thank you all so very much for trusting me to make this all better. That faith means the world to me.