A huge, corpulent Crolute beats a little girl who looks like Rey with a wicked flogger. She puts her hands up, trying to defend her small body, as the blows rain down.
Ben yells out to stop and barrels at her assailant, but nothing happens. He's completely powerless.
"No!" Rey moans, thrashing next to him, pulling him from sleep and her dream. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she croaks out.
"Rey!"
Her eyes fly open, terror shining in her irises. She clings to him with such desperation that he's beginning to panic. What was that? He lets out a silent prayer that it wasn't a memory, that it was just something her mind had conjured.
Holding her as tightly as he can, he realizes tears are falling onto his chest. They're both still naked from their earlier explorations. He keeps her in his arms as he lies them both back down, and she only tries to burrow further into him.
"Shhh," he soothes. "You're safe."
"I know," she says with a trembling voice. "For the first time in my life, I know."
"Oh, my love," he murmurs. He knows what she means, how she changes everything, but he has felt safe before. His mother used to comfort him and make the nightmares go away. That she's been so bleakly alone tears at him.
When she stops shaking, he asks, "Was that a memory?"
Her face is pressed against his chest and he feels her nod. It strikes him, then, that Rey isn't usually one to allow herself to be so vulnerable. She's fierce and strong. But with him, she's different. She lets him see her pain. That she's letting him comfort her like this … it matters.
"How old were you?" he asks with a tight voice.
"Five. It was right after I was … sold. To Unkar Plutt."
"After you lost your parents, you were sold?" he asks with horror. Of course she had to have been sold, but that her life had come so completely unraveled makes him ache. He files away the name Unkar Plutt for later. She might not be on Jakku any longer, but he needs to take some kind of action.
"No … they sold me."
"Your own parents?" He can't keep the disbelief from his tone.
She pulls back and searches his face, as if she's hoping to find something. Whatever she's looking for, she sees it. "There's something you don't know about me."
"You know you can tell me," he croons.
"I know. It's just … it's hard." She sighs, and her eyes show that desolation he used to see around the fire, when she would stare at the flames like she hoped they would give her answers.
"This … this has been weighing on you," he guesses.
She makes a humorless laugh. "You could say that." She rolls onto her back, so he shifts to his side and looks down on her face. "All my life, I thought my parents were coming back for me, that there was a good reason they left me."
Ben nods, staying silent so she feels safe to continue.
"Well … they did, they did have a reason. They were trying to protect me. And they died for it. Were killed for it." Her face is hard, and for the first time, Ben senses darkness, real darkness coming from her.
"There's no … there's no easy way to tell you this. My father … he was Palpatine's son …" she trails off.
Ben blinks. The Emperor had children? He'd never read anything about that. The thought of someone … with that … Wait, hang on, that makes Rey his granddaughter.
"Are you repulsed?" she asks, genuine self-loathing infusing her tone.
"What? No! How could I be?" He takes her hand to underscore the point.
"I know that if anyone could understand, it's you. But finding out that his blood. His maniacal, evil blood runs through me … I still haven't come to terms with it."
"Have you … have you told my mother?" It bothers him, the idea that she would share this painful revelation with Leia before him and he cringes at the insecurity in his voice.
Rey shakes her head. "No … I didn't want to open old wounds."
Old wounds? He knows the Galactic Civil War was a hard time for her, but she is always willing to talk about it. "I don't understand."
"Because of Vader."
"Because Palpatine was his master?" Ben asks, still perplexed.
"Because she knows what it's like to come from evil. Vader."
Dimly, he begins to understand what Rey is telling him, but his whole being rebels against it. "What are you saying, Rey?" he asks slowly.
Her eyes confounded, she says, "You know. Vader being her father?"
All Ben can do is blink. Because … this … this means the dark lives inside him. And everything starts to feel painfully inevitable. It never occurs to him to question what she's told him, somehow, he knows it's the truth. His stunned silence makes Rey's eyes go wide.
Her eyes are huge with panic. "Oh gods, you didn't … you didn't know."
"That Darth Vader is my grandfather?" The words hurt to say. "No. They never told me."
And then a lifetime of closed doors and promises of when you're older mock him, stab him, break him and he's on his feet in an instant, pulling on his sleeping pants.
Rey tries to stop him, but he's already nearly running to his parents' bedroom. He doesn't knock, just throws the door open and stalks inside.
His mother and father both blink blearily and Leia groggily says, "Ben? What's wr-"
"Vader," he seethes. "My grandfather."
Leia's eyes close tightly in pain and Han mutters, "Oh, hell."
Rey, now in a robe, moans, "I didn't know you hadn't told him! I'm sorry!"
Leia shakes her head. "It's not your fault." She gets up from bed and approaches Ben slowly while Han goes to Rey.
"Come on, kid," Han says to her. "I've got a bottle of the good stuff. We're gonna need it."
"No, I can't leave Ben," she declares, standing firmly by his side.
"Please. I need to talk to my son," Leia requests softly.
"Why start now?" Ben spits.
Han pulls at Rey and she looks at Ben forlornly. But Leia is right. They need to talk, and he's not sure he wants Rey to hear how he's about to talk to his mother. "It's alright. Go."
Rey puts her hand on his bicep and looks up into his face, her eyes holding his. "Are you sure?"
Ben nods and she lets herself be led away. On his way past Ben, Han reaches out and squeezes Ben's shoulder. "Go easy on her, Son."
Ben doesn't respond, staring at his mother with fire and rage.
Han sighs and he and Rey disappear into the hallway.
"Is that why you were always afraid of me?" he asks harshly once they're alone.
Leia looks away. "I never knew you could sense that."
"I have the Force, Mother, of course I could sense it."
"I was afraid! Afraid of myself, afraid of Luke, and yes, afraid of you. For you."
"So even before Rey came, you've just been waiting for me to fall?" he snarls.
"No! Worried you would, but I … I …" Her hands flail helplessly.
"This is why Luke would never really train me to my full potential?" Ben accuses, gesturing wildly as he's making more and more connections.
"Yes," Leia admits miserably.
"When Vader turned back to the light, it was for his son. Not some cosmic realization. Like you always told me."
There's a bitterness in Leia's tone when she shakily confirms, "Yes. Luke went to him because he was his father."
"Don't forget, he's yours, too," Ben snipes.
"Oh, I never forget. Not a day goes by that I don't remember," she says with a flash of fire.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Ben pleads. His whole life, he's been managed. Even Rey had tried.
"I didn't want you to have my burden!"
"So instead my whole life is a lie?!" The dark has been stalking him the minute he was conceived, and his family has done nothing but hide things from him and try to control him through deceit.
"No, no! Nothing has changed, not really."
"Does Dad know?" he asks suddenly.
"Yes," she whispers.
"So, my whole family knew. And I thought things were getting better," he says bitterly.
"We wanted to protect you! Let you have your life without that … that taint."
"You think I'm tainted," he says flatly. It makes sense. He is.
"No! Son, no." Leia shakes her head emphatically. "You're your own person. Nothing has changed."
"Everything has changed!" he roars. "How can I fight the dark knowing it's in my bones and sinew?"
"No, you are a prince of Alderaan! You are so much more than your biology!"
"Then why didn't you tell me?" he repeats.
"I couldn't! I knew what it did to me!"
"What, what did it do to you? You don't even bother with the Force." He's always hated the way she turned her back on her powers. To deny such a gift felt like sacrilege.
She looks at him with such anguish in her eyes, and he wants to tell her that it's alright, that he understands. But it isn't, and he doesn't.
"He … he tortured me. My own father … he forced me to watch as they destroyed Alderaan, took everything from me."
That breaks through his righteous anger, and he whispers, "What?" The thought of someone torturing his mother makes him vaguely ill.
"When they captured me … when I met your father … he … he …" Now tears are in her eyes and her voice breaks. "I'll never forget the pain …"
"Mom … gods, Mom …"
She wipes her eyes quickly. "I didn't want you to have to struggle like I have. Wonder if that rot was inside you, the way I have."
"But instead … instead, I felt the distance and I thought it was me. I thought something was wrong with me."
"No! Maker, no. Ben, you're my son. Nothing is wrong with you."
"No … no, somehow, the voice knew. Snoke knew."
Leia looks up sharply. "Snoke?"
Now it's Ben's turn to share secrets.
Leia cries openly as he finishes explaining about the voice.
He's no longer angry, just wrung out and afraid. Afraid of what lives inside him. He needs Rey. Yet he doesn't deserve her. Not now.
"Ben, I'm so sorry," his mother says.
He only shrugs. It's not like she knew.
"Don't do that. You were suffering, your whole childhood. I should have known the darkness I sensed wasn't you."
"Maybe it was. I hurt people. Rey. I did that, me. Not Snoke."
"Ben, listen to me," she says seriously. She comes up to him and holds her hands out to him. He takes them.
Looking up into his eyes, she says, "Your entire life you've had a dark presence trying to manipulate, seduce you to the dark side. But you've fought it. This whole time. I'm proud of you."
He hadn't really thought of it like that before. Maybe … maybe he really can fight his way through this. That this new knowledge doesn't mean he has to become this dark man they're all afraid of.
But then he remembers Rey's face when he'd broken into her mind and his chest hollows. Who is he, now? With the embodiment of the dark side woven through his very flesh?
His whole family, they knew. They kept their distance, never getting too close. The other students could sense how wrong he was. That's why he'd never made any genuine friends. Something is wrong with him.
Snoke didn't twist him, just exploited the darkness already inside.
He's poison, pure poison—and it's time he accept that he doesn't deserve Rey.
He finds Rey at the kitchen table with his father. There's half a glass of Corellian whiskey in front of her, and she's just staring at it. The minute she sees him, she jumps to her feet. His father soon follows.
"Ben!" she calls out, moving towards him. The desolate look on his face makes her stop in her tracks.
All he wants to do is find comfort in her arms, but how can he? Now that he knows what horror lives within him. Everything feels already written in stone, now.
Han eyes him. "Kid, your mom was just trying to protect you."
"I know," Ben acknowledges softly. "I'd like to speak with Rey, please," he says with no inflection.
Han nods slowly. "Yeah. Alright."
And then they're alone.
"Ben?" she asks, her tone a bit frightened.
"I should leave," he says in the same moment he decides it. Protect her from himself.
"Leave? What do you mean?" Fear blooms in her eyes.
"I don't know. Just away from you, so I don't hurt you again." He supposes he'll just work on some freighter, like he'd planned to. With Rey. But not now, now he'd just disappear into the morass of the galaxy.
"What? Why are you saying this?" she asks, an edge of hysteria to her voice.
"Because the dark lives inside me. It always has. It's only a matter of time until it takes me, and I won't let you be brought down with me."
"If it lives in you, it lives in me, too," she hisses.
"No, not in you. Never in you."
"That makes no sense. I'm … I'm a … Palpatine," she whispers his name like she's afraid of it.
"It's not the same."
"Of course it is! Am I evil? Destined for the dark side?"
"No, no. This is different."
"How?" she cries out.
"I don't know! It just is," he yells stubbornly. "You, you're the embodiment of light, but me, I've always struggled."
"Because you had a damned parasite in your head!"
"If it was just him, then how was I able to violate your mind!" His voice raises.
"The same reason I stabbed you!" she wails.
That, that makes him stop. "What?"
"We were fighting, I was feeling the dark. I'd just found out about Palpatine … you dropped your saber, wouldn't kill me. I caught it … and I stabbed you. Straight through. With your own saber."
Her tears are flowing freely, and he tries to make sense of Rey having done that. She knows she loves him, and that she loved him in the future. How could she have done that, if she loved him?
Nothing makes sense and he starts to back away. He wants to be alone, to think!
But her hands grab for him and she sobs, "We've both done horrible things to each other. The dark lives in both of us. Don't leave, Ben. Don't leave me. Not again. I won't live through losing you again."
"And I won't live through hurting you again!" If he broke, used the dark side on her for a second time, he's not sure he could ever recover.
"Then we'll help each other. The answer isn't to run. Please, Ben. Stay."
Nothing makes sense, nothing at all and he needs to think.
He can see that young girl in her eyes, the one who has been so ill-used, and he can't leave her, not like this. But he needs to be alone with the turmoil in his head.
"I'll be back," he says, a tad gruffly.
"Please, just stay!"
"I promise, I am coming back, I just … I need this," he says, feeling caged and frantic.
In the foyer he grabs a jacket and leaves the apartment as swiftly as he can, trying to ignore Rey's pleas to stay with her.
A/N: Thank you, ArtemisBare, who read like a champ even with in-laws visiting.
Thank you, Readers! My muse left me alone for one day then started poking at me, loudly, on Sunday. We've extended our trip by a day, so look for the next chapter on Wednesday. Thank you all for sticking with me! I so wish I could have you all over for tea.
