a/n: I have literally not updated this story forever, yet I kept seeing that, for whatever reason, this story gets a good amount of reads each month. So I thought why not continue it? Here you go, whoever those readers are that reading it (and dont really leave a review telling me they're reading or like it or hate it)


8 days later...

.

Tonks knocked frantically at Sirius's bedroom door.

Why isn't he answering me? Tonks thought.

Were both Marauders like this? Backing out of things with her as soon as she got too close?

Was something wrong with her that she had this effect on people? Or were both these men too damaged that she actually was the sane one?

She knocked at the door again, refusing to leave.. "I know you're in there. Sirius!"

Sirius finally swung open the door. His body smelling of alcohol and sweat.

Tonks crossed her arms. "You're pissed drunk aren't you."

"Why do you say that?" Sirius spoke in an uneven slur.

"Oh for fuck's sake." She pushed past him and into his bedroom, closing the door behind them.

His room was littered with empty bottles. She had no idea Sirius's drinking problem was this bad. What a mess.

"Wotcher, you need to clean up your bedroom," Tonks said more chirpily to lighten the mood. "Here drink some water."

Sirius shook his head. "We need to talk."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him, trying to be casual, though she knew exactly what he meant and the words were like a flame of fire to her heart.

"Don't," she warned.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sirius demanded, almost growling.

"Tell you what?" Tonks hollered back. She felt like shoving him. How could he do this the very next day? Like seriously, what gives, didn't he say that he wasn't going to let her go so easily? Wasn't she the one supposed to be giving this speech right now? Wasn't she the one in love with someone else who should be mad and cutting things off right now?

"You deliberately didn't tell me it was Remus." Sirius looked more than unusually mad. Probably conflicted.

"Calm your tits down, Sirius. Of course I didn't tell you, because then you'd have exactly the type of reaction you're having right now."

"Merlin, you are so immature."

"No, you are so full of it, Sirius. You know you don't regret last night one iota and knowing now it's Remus doesn't change that. You know you'd do it all over again." She sat down on his bed to provoke him.

"You are getting ahead of yourself!" Sirius growled.

"I am a Black too. It runs in my blood doesn't it?" she shouted at him.

Sirius waved a hand in agitation in the air. "You have no idea what you've caused, do you? You have no idea what it was like tonight."

Tonks felt her heartbeat pound in alarm. "Why what happened?"

"You had no idea it was the full moon did you?"

"Oh fuck."

"Remus," Sirius nodded his head. "The man you claim to be in love with, has been in agony all night, tearing himself and the room apart. Usually, I can comfort him. But knowing that it was you I shagged, that can't happen now!" Sirius made a groaning sound. "Thanks to you."

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Tonks thought over and reassessed the situation.

Okay one: this was an awful situation. Transforming was never easy for Remus but now an added comfort had been removed and a new stressor added.

But two: wasn't this Remus's own bloody fault for pushing her away? Why did she and Sirius have to tip toe around his schedule? Did Remus give a fuck when he broke her heart not once but twice by rejecting her?

"You do know Remus turned me down, repeatedly," Tonks said in her defense.

"Does that change that you wanted to be with him?" Sirius growled.

"I think it changes everything, Sirius, as a matter of fact. I can't force him to be with me if he doesn't want to, no matter how much I love him. He flat out refused me, did he expect me to be celibate for the rest of my life until such day he changed his mind?"

"No! But why couldn't you have been a bit more patient, or shagged someone else beside me?" Sirius tossed his hair back. "Not that I'm complaining!"

"Sure." Good Merlin her temper was rising now. "You and Remus seem to do nothing but complain, especially when it comes to the oh-so-difficult task of loving me, because apparently I'm that unloveable or unfuckable!"

With that she stormed out of the room, tears obscuring her vision.

"Nymphadora!"

.

.
That night she contemplated using her metamorphmagi abilities to turn into a blonde heartbreaker and ruin as many random men's confidence by rejecting them all.

But then she thought how pathetic it was to act like either Remus or Sirius, always rejecting people out of spite for yourself or your principles. What a way to not live.

She was better than that.

She knew she was better than that.

They were cowards, both of them, in their own way. Though they imagined somehow obscuring their heart was liken to nobility.

They weren't noble knights.

Here was their damsel in distress, drowning, in a cacophony of her own tears.

.

2 hours later.

Sirius felt the bottom drop out of his stomach.

Had he really just chased away Nymphadora? Who was literally the best thing that happened to him since Azkaban? What the hell was wrong with him?

The memories of the night before last, where Tonks had been grinding against his raw member for hours, came rushing back. It had been the best night of his existence, especially the way she could change. Nymphadora Tonks was literally every man's fantasy. The type of woman that you could never become bored or tired or less excited by because she was always changing, always full of surprises and would never be stable.

Fucking Remus. What the hell were you thinking when you turned her down? You just can't accept a good thing when it's given to you, old boy, can you?

Sirius searched for a bottle of firewhiskey as he thought over what he could do in the midst of this dilemma.

Would Remus ever man up and step up to the plate? Or should he just take up the mantelpiece for his best friend and continue to see Tonks and try to make her happy?

Was that even possible, with Tonks still in love with Remus and Remus acting more miserable than ever knowing he'd lost out?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

This was Remus's fault really.

He loved his best friend, but everybody knew what a self-sabotager Remus was. Remus, for as long as Sirius knew him, always gave himself the short end of the stick on purpose. Nobody had to give Remus misery, Remus made himself miserable, by choice, even more than his condition could ever make him miserable. Being alone all the time. Even Sirius had seen more action in Azkaban, if not the type he wanted.

How unfair that Remus secretly expected Tonks to remain as celibate as himself, as if she was supposed to join Remus in his misery after he refused her.

How could Remus expect a voluptuous, desirable, driven sex goddess like Tonks to remain celibate?

Sirius shook his head and drank up a bottle of firewhiskey. Impossible. Tonks was made to be held.

.

And now he had hurt her, reopening fresh wounds she had dealt with before in Remus?

.

.
He stormed back out of Grimmauld Place after her into the night, not caring that he wasn't supposed to be leaving the house. He knew where Nymphadora lived. He could smell with his nose where her footsteps led...