Chapter 2–Haven

Warning: Language

The microwave let out an annoying cry to announce that it was done. I was in the middle of grabbing a popcorn bowl from beside the oven, careful as to not disturb Mom. She was on the couch, propped up with an afghan blanket across her lap. Her feet were perched on the coffee table next to her mug, showing off her freshly painted purple toenails.

"Do you want me to do yours?" She asked, her eyes not trailing away from the screen.

"No, I'm good." I replied. I poured the bag of popcorn into the bowl. "Thanks though."

She nodded solemnly. When was the last time we had quality girl time? We never went to movies together or went shopping together (I really didn't do the whole shopping thing anymore). Maybe I could convince her to drive up to Seattle one day with me.

"G'night, Mom." I whispered, walking over to her. I planted a kiss against her temple. "Love you."

"I love you too, baby." She replied, patting my hair.

I quietly walked down the hallway to our room and the door shut behind me.

The tv was rambling on obnoxiously in the living room as Mom watched what sounded like Wheel of Fortune. Seth said he wouldn't be back until eleven or so, leaving me to have the bedroom all to myself. I cautiously waded through the sea of boxes that cluttered the bedroom. We got to share the master's since it was bigger. Since we had moved just after a Dad's death, there was an amalgamation of boxes filled with stuff. Seth wasn't waiting a second to take over the room with his video games once I moved out. Half of the stuff was my clothes that were ready for college.

I reached into the bowl of popcorn on my hip, promptly popping a handful in my mouth and observing the my bed. We were going to rent a U-Haul as soon as I had a place to move into... and that was the biggest problem. Being as small as it was, Forks Washington wasn't exactly keen on their dormitories. Seth and I had driven around the area and there were a decent amount of apartments but I hadn't committed to any of them yet. Mom was starting to get agitated about it.

I crawled up onto my bed and picked up my laptop, careful to not mess up the charging cable. I needed to just go ahead and buy a new one by now or else I might accidentally catch my bed on fire. I had spent the last half hour perusing the student forum, a place where students enrolled at the college posted things like books for sale, memes, and general comments on the classes and professors. My five classes at the college were chemistry, psychology, calculus, and my two computer classes. I didn't know what any of this meant. Back in high school, I hadn't had such a clear cut idea of what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be as my classmates did. I had Sam, an acceptance letter to my dream school up in Seattle, and my own working hand-me-down pickup truck. I was happy and I had everything to look forward to. That was before Sam got a weird on me, leaving for longer stretches of time, before he met Emily. Now what was I supposed to do? I didn't have a solidified plan other than to run myself until I ran out of steam and find a job so I didn't drain Mom's bank account while I was at it.

I clicked on the little white box in the right hand corner of the webpage, "New Entry ". I typed and retyped my message several times, my finger hanging over the enter key.

Hi, my name is Leah Clearwater. I'm an incoming freshman at the school and I'm looking for a place in Forks to move into soon when school starts and I need a roommate or two depending on the apartment. Preferably female, but I'm not too picky, just someone to split the rent with. I'm working out the details of a job, but I'll be able to make the down payments. If you're interested, we can discuss this in more detail over coffee soon. I know this is last minute but please contact me as soon as you can. Thanks~ (: (; (:

I added my contact information and hit enter and waited for the post to upload. I sat silently, staring at the screen, hitting the refresh button. Of course it's too soon. I sighed, but I felt nervous for some reason. There wasn't much to do other that try and watch a movie to get my mind off of things. I couldn't stomach anything nice. I wanted something loud, something violent, something that made such little sense that I couldn't even feel my brain. I decided to settle on a buddy-cop blockbuster with guns and cars and a plot that was so simplistic I barely I had to pay attention to anything but the noise and flashing colors.

I woke up groggily the next morning to my cell phone ringing directly in my ear. I must've fallen asleep unusually early last night, but I couldn't remember it. I didn't even have to take my normal melatonin. I wondered if Seth must came in much later than he had said he would.

"Erm, hello...?" I groaned, my eyes still not open. I hadn't even stopped to look at the caller ID. My fingers smelled like buttery popcorn and I realized I had spilled some of it in the bed with me as I carefully scraped it into the floor.

"Leah? It's noon." A sharp female voice on the other end of the line said.

"Oh hi, 'noon'." I remarked. I rolled over onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. The voice on the other end sighed. "What's up?"

"Didn't you get my call earlier? All of the boys came over. Seth's here, but apparently he didn't want to wake you up, I guess." Emily replied. I scowled. Seth was supposed to wake me up. His bed was made, meaning he must've been up for a while. "Come on, everybody's here. Come spend some family time."

"Aw, don't tell me you're getting all sentimental on me now, are you?"

She scoffed but I could hear the amusement in her voice. "Oh please, it's just me and a whole bunch of men over here. Apparently there's a big football game on today. Oh, can't you come give me a break?"

I chuckled and rubbed my hand over my face. "I don't like sports."

"Good, then you can go grocery shopping for snacks. You know I'm not allowed on my feet for long periods of time."

"You are so dramatic." I remarked. I sat up straight, cracking my back as I stretched my hands up towards the ceiling.

"You still there?" Emily asked.

"Yeah?" I said, bending and stretching my neck.

"Well hurry up, then, we're all waiting."

I probably could've run on my own two feet. Or four, if I was up to it, but four was too much work. Only sometimes did I have to remind myself that I was supposed to be done phasing. Sam kept telling me that being a wolf was my instinct, my fate, and sometimes there's a knot a knot in the pit of my stomach that tells me it's true. I shoved the thoughts away and my feet into my worn in hiking boots.

My truck sputtered to a stop and I had to physically kick the door open when it got stuck. The tv was loud and roaring in the Uley's living room. Paul, Jared, and Jacob were strewn about the sofas, making them look like doll furniture. Quil was perched on the counter top almost like a fat squirrel or a cat weighing down a branch, gulping down a two-liter of root beer. Embry was snacking on the leftover bacon from breakfast. "Leah!" Seth called from his sprawled his pillow fort on the floor. I waved him off.

Emily is leaning against the counter, smiling. She was heavily pregnant, carrying an unfamiliar weight in her hips that her hands lovingly rubbed thoughtless circles on her stomach. Her face was glowing, not much unlike how I imagined a painting of the Madonna might look with a halo of light around her scarred and gnarled face. Thankfully we knew the side effects of being impregnated by a werewolf, something Bella Cullen wasn't so lucky to have had. When the vampire baby had been born, I could remember so clearly from Jacob's memory how Edward's venom starved the life out of Bella and eaten her to skin and bones while she was still alive. With Emily however, it was like... it was like some of Sam's blood was coursing through her veins and it had multiplied a hundred times over. His livelihood was hers. Her heart was pumping hard and her eyes were more alive than I had ever seen them. Her teeth glimmered. "Hey, girly." Emily tilted her head.

"Hi, Em." I said. A toilet flushed in the other room and then I saw Sam appear, drying his hands on his jeans. He gave me a brief smile before wrapping his arm around her shoulder. She leaned up to let him peck her on the lips. I caught myself wringing my hands nervously. "Hi, Sammy."

Sam smiled, but not at me. "What's up, Leah?"

"Not much." I shrugged. "Where's Jenny and Nessie and all them?"

"Just is today." Emily have a crooked smile. "We're going out." She smugly shoved her husband off of her. "You boys like to eat your body weight in food, and lucky for me, you weight two hundred plus pounds each." She rolled her eyes. He slyly pulled her back in for a kiss. I felt stomach acid burn the back of my throat.

"I could get the grill warmed up. We can make hotdogs." He offered.

"Sounds good." Emily pecked his lips. She reached around him and grabbed her purse. "Boys! We're going to get groceries, do you want anything!" She shouted over the rumble of the tv. Several voices shouted all at once. All I heard was the distinct rumble of Paul's voice saying "beer!" and the cacophony that followed. Emily shook her head, a grin piercing through her annoyed look.

We drove a few miles down to the local grocery. Emily can seriously be a pain in the ass when it comes to haggling prices and shopping for the cheapest thing possible. I can't blame her though because she gets in from her mother, my aunt, who got it from her mother, my grandmother, who also happened to give it to my mom. That combined with her baby wobble, it took us ages to look at every can, read every label, check every price. Somehow, even in her frugal state, she was trying to eat organic now. Organic. Was she serious?I was sure the boys were probably going to cannibalize each other by the time we got through the checkout line.

"I don't see how you guys can afford all of the food. Seriously, it's hard enough on Mom to take care of Seth and me."

Emily shrugged. "We make it work." Her eyes glanced down at her list. "Can you grab a bag of dog food for me? No heavy lifting."

I snorted. I reached down and grabbed a bag of dog food that she pointed out to me, plopping it underneath the basket. "Lunch?" I asked.

She hummed a small laugh. "Keep up the attitude and it might be, mongrel." Her eyes look down at mine and she smiled. I couldn't help but smile back.

"So I'm thinking about growing out my hair." I said after a minute, filing in behind her as we walked down the aisles.

"Oh yeah? What are you thinking about, a mullet?" Emily teased.

"No. Just long. Longer than what it was before. Maybe like yours now that my hair grows faster." I said, biting my lip. She pushed her hair behind her ear, suspiciously eying the shelves. I could see the numbers processing in her head. "Seriously though, how do you guys pay for all the food? Aren't you going to have to be paying for a baby soon?"

Her eyes didn't meet mine, but she shook her head, smiling. "We'll make do. We're going to be fine."

"Em, do you really actually like being a homemaker?" I asked curiously. I plucked a jar of salsa off the shelf and added it to the basket.

"Grab two." She said. "I don't understand your question."

I grabbed another. "You do all the cooking and cleaning after the boys and you work a job and you're pregnant? I'd call that being a homemaker."

"I don't consider myself a homemaker."

"I just think maybe Sam could be doing more to help you... and stuff."

"Maybe if I'm lucky I can get one of them to imprint in the baby so I can have a free baby sitter." She remarked lightly. I felt nauseous. If I was having a baby, I'd lock it in a cupboard until it was 21 just be safe. I couldn't imagine how she could legitimately not be afraid of someone imprinting on her child. Then again, the concept only ever seems to be creepy to us outsiders, the loners, the recluse. Why? Why were we the bad guys that didn't understand? Why did everyone act like it was our faults for not imprinting or that we were selfish for not smiling and nodding along with them? Emily added a couple of bags of chips to the cart. "I don't mind the cooking and cleaning. I've never been happier. I love you guys."

"Don't you feel so... trapped though?" I asked. "You didn't even imprint on anyone. You're just... you're just you, but now it's like you've never had a choice."

"I had choices and I chose Sam." Her voice snapped harshly.

"You wanted to go to med school-"

"I'm still a freaking CNA!" She exclaimed. Pregnancy hormones definitely made Emily more of a bitch than usual. "Seriously, are you just doing this to piss me off? This is about Sam, isn't it?"

I felt a twinge if guilt and pain in my chest. It was confusing. I didn't know exactly what it meant. "Em, I just want to understand, okay? I don't get any of this. I don't understand imprinting and I don't understand how you can be so happy when you had such little choice in all of this!" She was fiercely glaring at me as we walked towards the deli. I crossed my arms over my chest. "There are only two Quilute boys left you know."

"Left?"

"That haven't imprinted?" I said. I watched the anger melt off of her face as it shifted to confusion. "I've still not imprinted. So there's three of us."

"You'll find a nice guy one day and you'll understand. You're just jealous now. It'll all make sense one day." She said with defeat, picking up packages of cheese and sandwich meat, adding it to the cart. "I know it's hard to imagine-"

"That's why I'm leaving." I said firmly. "I'm not coming back to live in La Push."

"So Sam was right." She grumbled to herself. "Huh."

"Why does everyone act like that's such a bad thing?" I asked.

Emily bit her lip and shrugged. "Eggs. We need eggs."

I firmly grabbed the basket, dragging her to a halt. "Are you even listening to me right now?"

Her face was astonished. "Leah, all I'm saying is that Sam was right when he said you were leaving. That's it."

"But why is it so bad that I leave?"

"We're supposed to be a family, that's all." Emily shrugged her shoulders. She put three cartons of eggs in the cart.

Family. Yeah, okay. Maybe I'd feel better if this entire thing didn't turn my life into something that would probably make a very entertaining TLC tv show. Could you imagine? We probably wouldn't get the same ratings as a polygamist cult, but I'm sure we could make enough money to take care of my Mom for a while. You're being bitter again, Leah. The voice in my head nagged. I wasn't shaking, but I tried to do my breathing excersizes as subtly as possible. What was wrong with me? Why did I have to feel like my feelings were being pulled at like a rubber band? These were my life long friends, and in some ways my real family, and why did I have to be an alien in my own hometown, expected that one day I'll be hit over the head with Cupid's arrow and suddenly fall madly in love with a boy that I never want to let go of? Why is it a standard of living that a teenage boy looked a baby and saw his future wife? Why was it the standard that a woman becomes biologically destined to be a housewife because a random man she's never met before decided against his own will that she will? Where was the line between right and wrong? What did all of this even mean? How could I watch my brother, who said he wanted nothing more than to organically fall in love once he made it to college, change practically over night when he met Jenny? Not how. I knew how. Biology. Prophecy. Fate. Hormones, pheremones, the whole works.

I just want answers.

Emily and I are mostly quiet as we go through the store and mostly quiet in the car. Paul cracks open the first beer. We feast on hotdogs and hamburgers and potato chips. I hate football. I hate all sports, actually but who cares? Nothing of any monetary value anywhere could beat the energy and excitement that was filling the air. The whooping and hollering, the cheering, the celebratory dancing. These boys were serious about sports. I didn't know what a touchdown was, but that's okay. The afternoon stretched into evening. I don't think anyone formally stopped eating throughout the day, but we ate dinner. Emily was quietly nibbling on a salad in the corner, so we had to make fun of her for that.

I was sitting on the ground with a beer between my knees, my stomach bloated and full of hotdogs and potato chips. My back was leaned up against Jacob's shins as he sunk into a lawn chair. Emily was resting on the ground, a quilt wrapped around her and Sam's shoulders. Paul was feverishly strumming away at a guitar until his fingers bled, drunkenly belting out campfire music and Jared was following allowing, laughing like a wild coyote. I didn't even like beer, but the strong smell mixed with the cracking fire, the leftover food, and the sweat, the singing and the laughter, all made me feel like I wasn't apart of the real world. We were far enough from the house that I could see the stars. Nothing felt real. Nothing mattered anymore. I leaned my head back against Jacob's knees. Jacob was half-asleep by now as indicated by when he let out a nasally snore.

I wondered in Dad was up there, and if Dad could see me now, what would he be thinking? I could imagine him smiling and shaking his head at me and Seth as we stumbled home. My blood was already filtering out the alcohol and I could feel myself starting to sober up. I couldn't imagine how much Paul and Jared must've had to get this wasted. I took a sip of the nasty beer.

"See, Leah?!" Seth shouted over the drunken fanfare. He was returning from inside the house with yet another plate of chips. "You're gonna miss this in college!" He tripped on a hole in the yard. I don't think he had been drinking; that seemed like his natural state of being.

"Yeah, you will!" Jacob said abruptly, making me realize he was suddenly much more awake than he was a minute ago. I leaned my head further back into his lap, his upside down face meeting mine. "Now get off me, I gotta take a piss!"

I laughed and sat up to let him get out of his chair. Paul and Jared were finishing their song and Paul let out a bellow of laughter. Under the flickering orange light, I saw Emily lean over and kiss Sam on the lips. His mouth upturned with amusement, pulling her in harder for a kiss. They were very quickly making out on the other side of the campfire. I hadn't paid attention to my hand, shaking, as it forced me to drink down the rest of my beer. My vision went blurry for a second. The bottle tipped over onto the ground and I caught my arms wrapping around my middle insecurely like my heart might fall out of my chest. All of a sudden, I wasn't just on some alien planet; I was living in a vacuum.

Sam and his Emily, Jacob and his Nessie, Paul and his Rachel, Quil and his Claire, Jared and his Kim, Embry and his Maya, even little Collin and his girl Emma.

But it's just me now.