Chapter Four—Blindsided

AN: This is the make or break chapter. I'm expecting this to be heavy hitting. I'm not sure how many people I'm going to lose on this story and it could definitely hinder how many followers I get in the future. I just wanted to give you a heads up. The content itself isn't exactly "AU" since the information that we're given doesn't really say much about Leah, but this could be a big enough change to turn people off and I completely get it. I'm not mad, and I'm always open for commentary, just please don't comment angrily because of an opinionated choice and not a flaw in my writing. Love hearing from you guys! Have a lovely day!

Warning: Language, mild mentions of sex

So this is the part of my story where I completely fucked up.

I spent most of my free time on the Saturday after the party texting that blonde girl during my shift at the store that I took on without really telling Mom. It was my way of making it up to her. Her name was Clara and she was a graduate of Forks High School. She said she used to run track and cross country. She also said she had a boyfriend named Trevor. She sent me pictures to prove she wasn't a catfish and of course, I did the same. She seemed incredibly nice to me and I couldn't put my finger on why. Her texts came off way more genuine than the awkward selfies she had. She was the barista at a small hippie coffee shop on the edge of town, the only one in Forks, actually. She worked weird hours sometimes, but besides that, she promised she wasn't much on throwing wild parties. Good. I was still embarrassed to the point of nausea about the night before. She said as much as she liked having a good time, she was moving out of her current apartment complex because her roommates kept trashing the place.

We agreed to meet at the coffee place on Monday, after her morning shift at work.

Speaking of work, I managed to find myself a pretty decent gig not far from the college. There were a few boys up in Forks, two brothers and their friends, that did stuff like lawn work, fence painting, furniture moving, car washing and all that. They were hesitant about hiring me, me being a girl from the Rez. Luckily the older one of them was good friends with Jacob so they knew his word was good. The brothers were sandy haired, the younger one being a senior and the older one a year or so behind me but a college dropout. There was a quiet Mexican boy that helped out too, and a stuffy white boy from the college who was a little bit too bossy for my liking. They set me up on Sunday with the Mexican kid to go help an elderly couple with their landscaping. They were nice, but a little uneasy about leaving us alone to work quietly. Our second job was to go help the Newton's paint their shed, which went a lot quicker than I expected, and they actually tipped us decently. Overall, if I could just convince them to give me a couple more jobs, I'd be making well over what I expected.

On Monday morning, my nerves were running wild and I didn't know why I remembered to do my yoga when I woke up, had a cup of tea, and went for a run. I still felt like my heart was racing. I tried to kill two birds with one stone and meditate under a cold shower, but I felt like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at the next person that looked at me funny. The air was sticky with humidity and my hair stuck to my neck. We were assigned to go help some people move in their new mattress, which was a piece of cake with my extra strength, but we had to cancel on the old man that wanted his lawn cut. The sky was a thick grey color like smoke and we knew it would give out soon enough and become a storm.

I did the protocol my mom made me do when I was a teenager going to meet up with a friend, I told my mom where I was headed and I texted Seth to let him know in case I needed backup (not that a one-hundred pound blonde girl had much against me). I could handle myself pretty well. I tried to dress a little nicer than usual, putting on a pair of jeans with my boots, a tank top and a flannel shirt. Nothing special, just clean. I drove over to Forks around noon and the place wasn't that busy. I lingered in my car for just a bit, just in case, just so I knew I wasn't awkwardly early.

I can't exactly describe what happened when I walked into the coffee shop, but I'll try and put it into words best I can.

First, I ordered a latte. I didn't really survey my surroundings at all, I just sort of dazed off and ordered something random off the menu. I'm not big on coffee, I don't really even know exactly what a latte is made of, but I'd just be happy to put some caffeine in my veins. I made my way to a small table by the window, but before I sat down—

"Hi, are you Leah Clearwater?" A soft voice said as I approached a wooden table.

"Yeah, are you-" I blinked my eyes. My fingers loosened, dropping my cell phone on the spot.

My mouth fell wide open against my will. Sam said it was supposed to feel like a gravitational shift, Seth said it was supposed to feel like when you finally complete a one-thousand piece puzzle. I think it would be safe to compare my experience to being hit over the head unexpectedly with a baseball bat.

Suddenly, I couldn't hear anything. There was a ringing in my ears that overwhelm every thing around me. I couldn't hear people talking, I couldn't hear the traffic or the rain outside, I couldn't even hear a trace of the music. My eyes locked onto the girl's face and I felt like the whole earth stopped spinning for about a minute. The coffee shop disappeared around me. Nothing seemed to exist on the same plane of existence as me or her anymore. Not the chair I was about to sit in, not the table, not the coffee I had ordered out of pure politeness or my phone or the building or the street or my truck. All I could see was this... person staring in front of me. Suddenly, I felt like I wasn't here because of work or school. For a few seconds, it was like an elephant that had been sitting on my chest for my entire life just stood up. My heart was frantically pounding in my chest and I felt my knees grow weak. It was like fate did everything in its power to bring me to this spot right now, and that fate was going to do everything in its power to make things right for me.

I also think I was having a panic attack?

The girl had long bleached blonde hair that she had tied up in a ponytail. She was a petite girl, wearing high waisted ripped black jeans and a tie dye crop top with fringe and chunky earrings. Her eyes were hazel colored, like warm brown, then liquid gold swirled with green, the kind of green they make candy apples out of. My enhanced eyesight was the only reason I caught it. Her skin was bright and clear and flecked with tiny brown spots. Freckles, all over the bridge of her nose and her round, dimpled cheeks. Her hair, though bleached to get to that color, were with color of honey. It was like my brain took a snapshot before it completely shut off. Words spun around my mind like an angry blizzard, but I couldn't find words for her.

Yep, I was about to have a panic attack now.

"Oh my god, are you okay?" My feet stumbled backwards away from her as she reached for me. Her words were clear and melodic like a siren call. "Hey..." She said in a comforting, but hesitant voice.

"I... I'm sorry, I need to sit down." I clutched my hand to my chest to try and keep from hyperventilating. My legs slowly gave away as I lowered myself into the chair. I know completely well what's happening to me, I know deep down in the pit of my stomach what's going on, but it feels nothing like how I thought, so a part of me can pretend that I'm completely clueless, that maybe it really is my blood sugar.

"Do I need to go get help? Are you having chest pains?" The girl asked me, hovering over me beside the girl. "You look like you're gonna get sick."

"I'm just—I... can you go get me some water, please?" I gasped for air. "Don't worry, please, I think it's just... it's just my blood sugar, I think."

"Yeah, water, sure. Are you sure you're not in pain?" She coaxed. I nodded frantically. My mouth was so dry. This can't be happening right now. The room was still spinning. Were people staring? I looked down at my coffee cup, absently playing with it to make the coffee spin around the plastic. I tried to sneakily retrieve my phone. A few minutes later and the girl returned. She set something in front of me and I couldn't look away from her again. Clara, was her name. She's gorgeous. Even her name seemed gorgeous. I'm being bombarded with emotions I've never felt before in my life.

"Here, water and a blueberry muffin on the house." She said, sliding in the seat across from me. Worry creased her smooth forehead. She seemed so... genuine. Real. "You're not allergic to blueberries or anything, are you?"

I shake my head and quickly break off a piece, eating in a frantic and unladylike manner. "I'm good. I'm sorry. Here, can I pay you back—"

She shook her head. "Don't worry, it's on my tab. No worries. Water's free anyways."

"Thanks." Was all I could spit out.

I had to make a physical effort to shut my mouth after each word to keep the drool in my mouth. I was sitting here like a complete buffoon. What did this mean? What was I supposed to do? What was I even feeling? Why was this happening? Why now? Why her? Why her of all people? I had questions that struggled to even materialize. My head was ringing with panic and it was like ever corner of my mind was filled with the static on a tv.

I just imprinted on some poor, oblivious, human girl at a coffee shop.

That was a lot of words to swallow. Firstly, I had just imprinted. I didn't want to imprint. I never wanted this to happen to me, or to whoever was on the receiving end. I would've chosen to die alone over this. It's not fair. It's not... natural. It's not supposed to happen like this.

Secondly, her. God, was I completely losing my mind? I tried to doubt myself, to wonder if maybe I accidentally imprinted on a guy on the other side of the store and Clara was just blocking my eye line. But no. Clara. A girl. I've never considered myself to be into girls, even the slightest bit. And I mean I've never ever been into girls before. Where did all of that come from? I don't... touch myself or anything to porn with lesbians in it. Ugh. Lesbians? Am I suddenly a lesbian now? Did this mean that imprinting only work on females? Wait, but Sam's theory was that imprinting was meant to strengthen the Quilute bloodline? How the fuck was I supposed to "strengthen the bloodline" with another girl? Was this anything to do with my missed period? When I dated Sam and all that once upon a time, we kissed, we dated, we had sex, we even talked about marriage one day, maybe, as a joke. But if anything, I thought I was pretty asexual, both up until I met him and after he left me for Emily. And I never really got a lot out of the sex that I did have with Sam, and I never would've considered it if we hadn't been so close. I loved him more as my friend, as a partner, not because our sex. And I'm not looking for any of that right now, and even if I was, I wanted it the real and normal way.

It was like in the matter of a few seconds, I had my entire identity ripped apart like a wet paper towel and thrown at my feet.

I didn't like her. I didn't even know her. I didn't know anything about her, really. I didn't know her favorite color, I didn't know what kind of car she drove or what kind of job she wanted or where she wanted to live or what her mom's name was or what kind of dogs she liked. I didn't even know her middle name. But I knew deep down, there was a reason I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I couldn't stop feeling this painful stirring in the pit of my gut or the ringing in my ears. It wasn't love. I know what love feels like and it doesn't exactly feel like this. It's like... something else, something magnetic that I didn't have words for. Like I saw this person and suddenly I never wanted to spend the rest of my life without them. Like no matter what, I felt like I couldn't breathe or even imagine what being happy would feel like if I never got to see their smile again.

The blueberry muffin clogged my throat and was not helping one bit. I took a hearty drink of water but I tried to take my time composing my demeanor. It was like... it was like even the muscles in my face protested against me. "Sorry, um..." I closed my eyes and I could focus a bit. "I've been outside, working, and I think I just overexerted myself. No big deal."

When I opened my eyes, I saw her smile. Her teeth were slightly crooked, but seemed otherwise a bright white. She had dimples beneath her freckles. If I didn't know better, she could be a vampire. But she didn't smell like a vampire, she smelled more like coffee and table cleaner and roses and peaches and something else I couldn't put my finger on. Her scent was clearly the strongest in the room now.

"I'm sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot." I shook my head. Every word felt carefully calculated. I wanted to run. Right now, I wanted to strip my clothes and phase into the woods. I needed to be as far away from this room as possible so that I could think.

Clara looked curiously at my face. I watched carefully as her long eyelashes fluttered. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I'm great. Like I said, it was just a little dizzy spell. I get them sometimes" I nodded slowly. "I'm Leah Clearwater."

Her head tilted thoughtfully, still smiling. "Clara Graves." Her voice was like silk. "It's really nice to meet you Leah."

"Thanks." I said, forcing myself to stare at the table. Blood was rushing to my face. God, did she know? "So um... you're a student at the community college, right? What are you studying."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Visual communications. The last two semesters were hard hitting for me, but I figured out that marketing isn't so bad. I was really into art when I was in high school and I realized I think I wouldn't mind doing it for work. What about you?"

"I uh," I cleared my throat. "I'm mostly taking GenEd classes right now. I've sort of considered maybe computer science or tech or something like that. I was in programming club in high school so..."

"Oh, in Forks?" Clara asked.

"No, on the reservation." I said. I wavered for a second. "It wasn't really a club, just me and a bunch of underclassmen boys and my brother doing coding after school. I was the only one that really kept it up after graduation. I took some time off for... personal stuff, you know?"

"I get that." She nodded. "Were you related to Dr. Clearwater?"

"Yeah, he was my dad." I blurted out.

Her expression shifted to more uncomfortable. "I'm so sorry. I heard about what happened a few years back. I remember seeing him in the newspaper."

I shook my head reassuringly. "It's fine. He... he had a massive heart attack, it was really out of nowhere." She still didn't seem convinced that she hadn't hurt my feelings so I tried to smile, but it was weak. "My mom actually got to open her own business now that he's gone. She does a lot of weaving and stuff and now she can make money off of it, so that's pretty cool. But yeah, now it's just us three now. But I'm really trying to get out of there ASAP."

"I'm kinda hoping to move up to Seattle one day, maybe finish school up there and get a job..." She sighed, her eyes gazing out the window. "...except I'm... kind of caught in a lease right now. I know I told you some of it over text and stuff, but I've got nine more months before I can leave. The landlord's kind of an ass, but it's a two bedroom, one bathroom place on the second floor. Rent's not bad, but it's not manageable with one person and my boyfriend won't leave his mom's place." She rolled her eyes.

Oh yeah. I remembered. She had a boyfriend. Well, wasn't this just getting worse for me by the second. "Uh, how much is it?" I asked, shifting uncomfortably.

"$950 a month. If we split it, it's $475." She explained. "I get paid minimum wage here. I usually work the afternoon shift, except for today, stay to clean until about ten, four days a week. It's not much after taxes and I'd basically starve to death without a roommate."

"How do you even have time for classes? Or sleep?" I asked, half joking.

She shrugged. "Morning and online classes. And the employee discount here doesn't hurt." Clara laughed lightly. "What about you? Where do you work?"

"I got a job with the Marks' boys. It's landscaping and lawn stuff, stuff old people can't do on their own. It pays pretty good when it doesn't become a downpour like today." I said.

We talked for a long time and slowly, I felt myself become less clumsy and awkward around her. She was cool and comfortable and I easily molded into that same state as I listened to her talk. We discussed laundry and chores and some of the downsides with her place. There was basically no yard, the walls were paper thin, the shower head was broken, the laundry room had rats, and sometimes the power would shut off at random. That's why rent was under a grand a month. I felt like no matter what though, I wasn't going to be leaving this conversation without telling her I was down to move in. It wasn't about Seth or Mom or college anymore. I just couldn't bear the thought that somehow I would be immensely hurt if I told her I couldn't move in with her, like I would physically die if there was any chance I wouldn't get to see her ever again. That was kind of a gross feeling, but a feeling I had no way of ignoring. We hopped in her car, a clean little red Toyota, and drove a few miles over to her apartment. It was kind of sad and grungy on the outside, but decently kept up on the inside. She didn't have a lot of stuff in the cramped place, but she definitely had left her mark on the place. Little flowerpots and succulents, black and white pictures on the walls, cute soap dishes and personalized coffee cups. I couldn't bear to say no to her. Saying goodbye to her was painful, even if I knew we had agreed on terms and that I'd be moving my stuff in a few days anyways, but I told myself that I needed space away from her for now. I needed to process all of this.

I was sitting outside my house in the front seat of my car, shivering, spiders digging into my skin all over my body, and I just sat and tried to bear the pain. The rain had relaxed to a trickle down off the trees. I wasn't cold, but I wrapped my flannel shirt tighter around me, watching droplets fall off evergreen branches onto my windshield. Mom's store was a stout building with a flat roof. I watched as the rain drained down the lip of the eaves into the muddy path between our house into puddles. Our shabby brown colored house was just as dreary looking with its barren patches that was supposed to be flower beds. It looked so dark, like no one even lived there, with only a wreath on the door and a single planter with flowers in it hanging on the porch. But even the soft patter of rain didn't calm me down. I couldn't breathe, like the elephant was sitting back down on my chest again, crushing all of my internal organs like a soda can. I don't know how long I was sitting there before Seth came out and knocked on my window. I rolled it down quietly.

"Leah? Are you okay?" He asked. He stepped back clumsily. It felt like I had lockjaw. It was all I could do to stare at him. "You look like you're about to phase."

I shook my head.

"Can I come it?" He asked. I rolled up my window. Seth yanked the passenger door open. "Come on, Leah, you're going to hurt yourself or wreck your car." He pleaded.

My arms wrapped around my middle and I hunched over, my forehead resting on the steering wheel. "I can't phase. I can't. I can't... not right now, I can't phase." I squeezed my eyes shut and took long, deep breaths. I thought my knuckles might actually break the wheel. "I can't phase because I can't have people in my head right now. I can't let Sam know-I can't tell the others-"

"What? What happened? Did it go really bad?" He asked softly.

"Yes!" I shouted. "No! I don't know! I don't know!"

"Shh, Leah, what is it? What's wrong?" When I didn't answer, he ran around the car and hopped in the passenger seat. "Are you okay? Did it go really bad? Was she mean to you?"

I shook my head.

"What happened then?" He demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it, okay!" I exclaimed. I felt my eyes filling with hot tears. No crying, Leah. You can't cry right now.

'It's okay, you can talk to me. You can tell me about it. Come on, what happened?" He wasn't angry or demanding, just annoying and pestering.

"Seth, just stop it!" My voice broke into a cry. "Leave me alone!"

"Jeez, are you on your own period or something?" Seth said under his breath. That hurt worse than anything else he could've said.

"Shut up, okay!" I shouted. I whipped my head around to get a look at him. My face felt hot and flushed. "I imprinted! I imprinted when I was up in Forks! Are you happy?!"

The color drained from his face. "What? You're crying because you imprinted? Why are you upset? I thought... maybe you'd wanted to imprint on someone."

"Do I look like I wanted to imprint?!" My eyes betrayed me and I coughed up a fresh set of tears.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Seth mumbled, folding his hands in his lap. We sat quietly for a couple of minutes. I tried to hide my tears behind my hair and Seth tried to comfortingly rub circles on my back. "If you want to talk about it, we can talk about it."

I shook my head. "I'm... fine, I think. I just... I can't process all of this right now."

"Who is he?" Seth asked politely.

I shook my head. "Seth... it's.. complicated."

"How can it be complicated? It wasn't complicated for me." He shook his head. "Was he an old guy? Is he married or something?"

I groaned. I couldn't move to look at him. "Seth, it's not like that."

"Like what?" He asked curiously.

His naiveté was irritating. "Seth! Are you an idiot?" I demanded. "It wasn't a guy!"

"Not a guy?" He asked. "Oh. You mean like... like a girl." His voice was already weird and unsettled.

"Yeah." I sighed, dragging my palm across my face. "It's my roommate. It's... it's Clara, that I told you about."

"But, wait, how does that work?" Seth asked, still somewhat unfazed by my announcement. "I thought this whole imprinting thing... I thought it was supposed to be about strengthening ourselves and strengthening our bloodlines or whatever... but if you imprinted on a girl... and you can't reproduce... how does that work?"

"I don't fucking know, Seth!" I shouted. "I don't know why this happening! I don't want this to be happening!" I smacked my hands against the steering wheel over and over again. "I've basically gone and messed up the rest of my life! I've messed up her life!"

He didn't say anything. He just rested his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "I know you're not happy right now and I feel for you." Seth said. "You probably don't want me to tell you what you should or shouldn't want, but maybe you just need time to breath. And to think all of this over. But it's gonna be okay. You just... have to feel all of this stuff first, ya know?" Seth was never great at reassuring speeches, but I knew he meant to be supportive. I just hurt too bad to let myself feel that support.

"Please don't tell Mom. I don't want her knowing that her daughter-" I groaned into the steering wheel.

"I won't!" He said. "I wouldn't do something like that to you."

"And don't tell the others." I added.

"I won't." He said in a quieter voice. "But... you kinda already told me. And... won't they hear it? I mean, someone's probably going to ask why you haven't phased in a while and then they'll ask me and... and what if I can't help it? What if I can't stop myself?"

That was like a fresh punch in the face. "I'll... I'll tell Sam, and maybe Jacob, I don't know... I don't really care about the others that much. I just... I don't want them to say stuff about me... or about her... or..." My voice trailed off.

"Maybe we could like... make a party out of it or something? I know Emily baked me a cake when I imprinted, maybe we can just get it over with and move on, right?" His voice was optimistic.

As embarrassed as I was, I had to ask him for his dating advice. "How did you do it? Like you saw her, you imprinted, you... asked her out or something?"

"Yeah, I mean we talked for a couple months... and it was just like..." Seth shook his head. "I don't know, it was like something I had never felt before. And she said the same thing, so I talked to Sam about it, and he said I could tell her, so I just... I worked it out and she was... I mean, you remember what happened." Jenny didn't take it all that great at first. But Seth, as lonesome and lovestruck as he was, persisted and answered all of her questions until she finally came around. And then they were nearly inseparable all over again. I didn't even know what I wanted to do with Clara yet.

"Should I... maybe go then?" Seth asked.

I nodded quietly. As soon as his door shut, I locked my truck. My knuckles digging into the steering wheel and I screamed. I screamed as loud and as hard as I could until my lungs couldn't bear it any longer. I screamed until my throat was raw and I had worn out every emotion I had ever felt and I punched my steering wheel until it dented, leaving my hands bleeding for a few minutes.