AN: apologies for my absence. I left briefly because I needed time to think of some kind of side plot or bonding event for Leah and Clara as characters. I want them to be as human and fleshed out as possible. I still don't think I'm there yet, but I want to keep writing. Thank you for your patience~

Chapter Seven—Craving

Warning: Language

I am an idiot.

Why wouldn't the front door be locked at night?

I had to scale the balcony to get back in my room. I was out of breath, covered in sweat and sand, and laying in the floor of my bedroom. My body still ached painfully from my encounter with Sam, but my bruises were already faded. Thank god Clara was already in the shower. She didn't hear me. I cleaned up as best I could in the kitchen sink, using an already dirty towel to get the dirt off of me, and I threw on deodorant and clean clothes. This would suffice for now.

I lost my breath. Clara looked really tired, her eyes looking darker than usual. She was still dressed in her pajamas. I felt weird looking at her. She was so sleepy and precious and her eyes looked so big and amible. Seriously, what was wrong with me? I couldn't even just act normal around her? I felt my face get hot because I was thinking about how nice her legs looked in her shorts. They were too big for her, but she had them hiked up so high I could just barely see the bottom of her ass. She clearly did squats at the gym.

Wait.

Leah, stop being weird about everything. You wouldn't appreciate it. How does this kind of thing even happen? How do you wake up one morning and suddenly have an attraction to a gender that you weren't attracted to the day before? I'm not sure I've ever felt more disgusted with myself as images crept into my head of what she might've looked like last night with her boyfriend. I felt like... for lack of a better word, these unfamiliar feelings felt... predatory. I went to high school with gross boys who stared at my own body back when I was smaller and more feminine. I just wish someone would tell me what I'm supposed to feel. I wish someone would've handed me a handbook on lesbianism when I got thrown in this mess.

She was scrunching her wet hair with a towel in an almost zombie manner, she walked over to the sink to clean out a coffee mug. Just her casual existence was so peaceful and beautiful in a way I couldn't even begin to process. As soon as I was in the same room with her, all I wanted was to have her in my arms. "Morning." She yawned causally.

"Oh, hey," I said, trying to be casual. I felt weirdly... dead inside right now, after everything that's happened. I feel like it would just be a million times easier to book a plane ticket to the most obscure island in Alaska and pretend I died, because honestly, that's about the standard I'm feeling right now. "What's up?"

"Just got up. You want coffee?" She put on a smile. Her smiles were so... genuine.

"Uh sure, yeah." The coffee machine was weird. It's one of those new fancy ones. There's no pot on it. "Uh, I don't really know... how do you use this thing?"

"Oh, here, it's easy you just," She did a bunch of weird mechanical stuff with the coffee pot. I couldn't focus because of how I was staring at her. She's so pretty, I could just... I interrupted my own thoughts. Just what? What do you possible think you would do to her? Is that another ethical violation? I assume Jacob, for instance, wouldn't feel romantic interest in Renesmee given that she's a child and having romantic interest in her would be dangerous and you can't put your imprintees in danger. But could I be having romantic interest in Clara without her reciprocation? She wasn't consenting to having me look at her and have the thoughts I did, and I mean, literally, could I even have romantic interest in her?

The rules never state that they HAVE to fall in love with you, just that it's mostly inevitable (for all of the straight people that fall into the sample size out there). The rules also state that you become the roll that the imprintee needs the most. She has a boyfriend, Clara doesn't need me to gawk her, to have these thoughts I can't shove out of my head. So if she never has romantic interest in me, would I physically be able to feel romantic interest in her? I'm still not even 100% sure where I'm supposed to draw the line with what's even considered "romantic interest". Normal girls find girls to be pretty all the damn time! I swear, I feel like I'm constantly building a mountain out of a molehill. Jesus, I'm going to go insane.

No, you know what, I'm giving up. Where am I supposed to draw this line? Here. You find a girl pretty once and suddenly all the neurons in your brain start firing, telling you she's got to be your soulmate. Get a grip, Leah.

But that didn't undo the fact that her smile was the prettiest thing I've ever seen. "Here you go. It's got hazelnut in it. It's my favorite."

"Oh, yeah," I swallowed hard. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." She said sweetly. "I've got oatmilk in the fridge and I've got sugar right here." She paused for a second, thinking about something.

"Thanks." I nodded. My hand wasn't shaky but I couldn't grip the spoon that great with sweaty palms to put sugar into my coffee. "Um-" I felt words slipping forward in my mouth but I didn't trust them to play nice.

"Yeah?" She replied, cocking her head. Her eyelashes were so long...

"Oh, sorry, I'm just... nevermind." I said quickly.

"You know what we should do tomorrow? I've got some bananas that are going to go bad soon, do you maybe wanna make some banana bread? I've got a really good recipe if you wanna help me."

"Um... yeah, absolutely. That sounds like a lot of fun. I don't really have much else going on..." I nodded. My buggy code nagged at the back of my mind but honestly, I'd rather sit and stare at a pretty girl than a bunch of numbers on a screen.

Clara turned back to her own cup of coffee. She was stirring it methodically. "We really should hang out more." She said. "We could cook dinner, hang out, make a whole thing out of it. You seem really cool."

"Really?" I asked. I know I sounded shocked and she picked up on it too.

"What? You say that like I'm the first person to ever say that." She remarked. "Listen, I'm getting some time cut now that we've hired a couple more baristas. Maybe one day we could go see a drive-in movie at that place up near Port Angeles. Or just hang out here." She quickly picked her her phone and was typing rapidly. "I'm checking the website now because the tickets at the drive-in sell out so quickly, but I'm looking at their shows right now and I was wondering what kind of stuff you're into? Like what kind of movies do you like?"

"Um—" I sighed with defeat. "I dunno—"

Clara laughed, bumping me with her hipbone. I felt a weird churning in my stomach and an imprint from where she touched me. "Come on, Leah! What do you like?" She hopped up onto the counter, her legs swinging idly. Her fingers ruffled her wer hair absently, like she didn't even realize she was tousling it.

"I guess I like... hmm... horror movies?" Truthfully I didn't like detailed psychological horrors. I didn't like well-directed, big-budget horror series. I like campy, indie movies with shit acting and truthfully? I've got this weird fetish for those stupid, stupid teen sex scenes. I couldn't tell you why, but as much as I hate romance, as painful as it is for me to watch the rom-coms that I used to love so much, nothing melts my heart more than a half-baked relationship between two white kids professing their love and having sex in some weird barn or an empty boat while a guy in a monster costume hunts them down. Maybe it's because I want to be the blissful and ignorant couple one day instead of the guy in a low budget werewolf costume. "Old stuff. Carrie. Scream. Nightmare on Elm Street."

Her eyes glimmered with fascination, but also hinted at disappointment. "Horror? Bleh, sorry, I hate horror movies." Her entire body shivered. She shook her head, sticking out her tongue. "Like, I still watch them? I still watch them and stuff, but I don't do it because I like it."

"Those things actually scare you?" I asked, astonished.

"I don't like the blood, okay?" Clara said defensively. "What about... comedies? Do you like comedies?"

"Like sets kind of comedy or like... 'Friends' kind of comedy?"

"Oh my gosh, I love Friends!" She said excitedly. If it had been anyone else, I might've groaned. But Clara looked genuinely passionate about it and honestly, I couldn't have cared less about what she was talking about. Her voice got bubblier when she got excited and it made me feel warm and safe. "Ugh I don't know how many times I've rewatched it. I used to watch—that and Will and Grace—when I had to stay home sick as a kid. Like a comfort memory. She'd like... make homemade soup and I'd get to sleep in the living room on the couch."

"Our mom was always stupid strict on sick days. We weren't allowed to have days off unless we were dying." I remarked. For a minute, I wished... I could imagine myself, sick and at home with my own mom, and I can imagine that she's lovingly comforting me. I wished she hadn't been so catatonic when dad died. It would've been nice to have someone to comfort me after I transformed for the first time. I didn't really care that much for those kinds of sitcoms, but it was nice listening to her talk about things that she's interested in. I just wanted to sit and listen to her talk for hours. "What else? What are your thoughts on rom-coms? Seems like that's all they ever show up in Port Angeles."

Clara had to think about that one for a second. "Well... I dunno, I'm not super into stuff like The Notebook, I don't care for those dime-a-dozen kind of movies... I guess I'm just really picky. It depends, you know?" She paused for a beat, tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, and chuckled. "Why? Do they make you cry or something? They're too gushy for you?" She turned up her nose and smirked playfully.

"No, I don't cry—" My face flushed red and I took a drink of my coffee to hide my face. It was pretty good though, not gonna lie.

"Okay, speed round: if you had to pickone, indie, action, or fantasy?" She scrolled into her phone.

"What kind of indie are we talking about?"

Clara shook her head. "Speed round, pick one."

"Uhh, just... not action I guess?" I replied. "What's this for?"

Clara bit her lips, smiling. "What do you think about next friday? A week from now?"

I wracked my brain for a second. "Sure, yeah,"

"It's a date then. Looks like we've got a spot." Clara remarked. Date. Date, date, date... not a REAL date. Just a regular girls night out kind of date. Like a sleepover. "Damn, their tickets are kind of expensive... it's cool, I never get to do anything fun."

"Do I need to pay you back?" I offered.

"Nah, you can buy popcorn." She replied. "It's better than sitting around here all the time."

"So... your boyfriend. He's coming, right?"

"Nah, he's probably get us kicked out for smoking weed." Clara rolled her eyes. "It can be a fun girls night! Just us, you feel me? We can make a whole thing out of it, we can put blankets in my car."

My cheeks were definitely burning. She actually wanted to go and hang out with me? Just us? This wasn't a date-date though, this was just girls being girls. I've got to keep telling myself that. "I just haven't met him and I was wondering. Is he nice?" I asked.

Clara snorted. "You know how guys are. You either get a good one or a nice one." She shrugged. "I dunno. He's okay. He's not, like, a bad guy or anything. He's cute. He gives me a discount on adderall and he's got this cool skater boy vibe. He listens to a lot of weird music though."

Oh. So she was into skater boys. What's my aesthetic supposed to be now? Semi-athletic, borderline lumberjack, camp counselor? Was I supposed to learn to skateboard to impress her? Get a septum piercing and start a nicotine and monster energy addiction? Stop washing my hair? My stomach sunk for no good reason. Was I seriously considering changing my entire wardrobe and lifestyle to fit into a cookie cutter that imprinting handed me? Why couldn't I get someone easy to impress? Shit. They weren't kidding about doing anything for the people you imprint on. "Yeah, that's cool." I nodded. I'm drawing the line at not washing my hair.

She kind of fake smiled, scrunching up her nose, but she looked sort of unsure of herself. "He's fun, but it's not like... I'm not a forever kind of person, you know? He can be sweet, but I guess I'm not really the endgame type. Honestly I'm amazed we're even, like, a thing."

That hurt... more. I tried to contain my thoughts to myself. It felt like my entire chest was filled with thick sap. I wasn't asking to feel like this. Why am I feeling like this? I feel like I constantly have to ask myself this question, but I'm continuing to not get any other answers than "it's because you imprinted." It's not a very satisfactory answer. I felt spiders begin to crawl over my fingers and arms. I rolled my shoulders to try and relax. I felt like I could've vomited into the sink. The disgust with myself filled my ears and head like cotton. My throat felt like it was closing, like I was slowly suffocating to death. She literally just told me about her boyfriend and my entire body was acting like I needed to have a full blown transformation in the kitchen. I had hoped that my break, by allowing my body to spend the morning running through the woods, I could relax and forget about my problems. It wasn't even anger at Clara or jealousy at her boyfriend, it was just... hurt. I wish I could just turn this off. I just want to flip this off. Clara deserves so much better than me, someone who's not jealous or clingy or overly-attached to someone I'm not even dating.

"No, no, I get that." I agreed.

"What about you?" Clara switched the conversation quickly. "You got a boyfriend?"

"No, erm, just..." I shook my head. My finger nervously tapped on my ceramic mug. Forks PD. I couldn't look at her. "I had a bad break up over a year ago and I'm not really over it yet." I realized saying that it's been a couple of years now just makes me sound more pathetic.

"Oh shit, what happened?" Clara quickly backtracked. "You don't actually have to tell me, I'm sorry about that. You can talk about it if you want to though. I'm a pretty good relationship counselor if you need one."

"I got dumped for another girl and then she asked me to be her bridesmaid." I stated simply.

"Yikes. Did you say yes?"

"Oh yeah, they've got a baby on the way and everything." I replied. "I'm over it, but I definitely got burned. Not a fan. I prefer the kind of stuff on tv."

"Have you tried any dating apps?"

"Um—" I shrugged, laughing kind of nervously. "I don't know how I feel about that. I mean—come on, it's Forks, you know?"

"Good point." Clara laughed. "Maybe you could come to a party with me sometime. I bet I could hook you up with someone cute if you want."

"I'm okay, honestly." I said nervously. "I think I just need a break from real life romance."

"Could you do me a favor though?" She bit her lip. I know she wasn't meant to be enticing, and even I couldn't fully understand that gnawing in my stomach, but the way she looked at me, when our eyes met, it made me feel as spark inside of me. "Not really a favor, but about the party thing... I don't really like going to strange places where there's a lot of alcohol and people I don't know. I was wondering if you'd still come with me?"

"Oh, like a driver?"

"No, like my friend." Clara smiled. "I can give you a makeover and I'd you want, you can borrow my clothes. I dunno if they'll fit, but you're welcome to try."

That was an intriguing offer. The words slipped out of my mouth faster than I could think it through. She needed a friend and someone to watch her back and frankly, that seemed more important than any other plans I might've had. "Yeah, of course. Just tell me when."

"Tonight?" She has a guilty look on her face for the late notice. "Sorry, I know it's last second, but it's like a 'welcome to college' thing over at this guy that I work with's house."

I blinked. I was going to have homework, my code wasn't even debugged yet, I hadn't showered yet... I had roughly a dozen other obligations before going to another stupid party... "Cool, what time are we leaving?"