JJ woke with a start, but as she took stock of her surroundings, Emily appeared at her side almost immediately, gently pushing her back on the bed when she tried to sit up.
When JJ got the message, she relaxed and laid back.
Emily gave her friend a kind smile. "Hey, you; how are you doing?"
"Super sore… and super thirsty."
Emily helped JJ have a few sips of water from a cup she'd filled for her earlier, but warned her to pace herself because she'd been down for the count for awhile. After that, JJ noticed that her hair was now devoid its ponytail from earlier, and that bothered her a little at the moment.
"What is it?" Emily asked.
"I feel dumb asking this, but do you have a hair tie, or something? I just want my hair out of my eyes right now."
Emily found one in her pocket, and although she had to sit in close proximity to JJ to do it, she delicately combed her fingers through JJ's golden locks to get rid of any stray tangles before gathering the hair with her hand and tying it up with the hair tie. When there was a stray lock of hair that hadn't made it into the ponytail, Emily tucked it behind JJ's ear for her. Anything to maintain contact.
JJ was mesmerized by Emily's gentleness, and when she made to move back to her chair, JJ spoke softly.
"Stay. Please."
Emily's heart skipped a beat. She had feelings for JJ, no two ways about it, and she'd noticed over the past few months that she was a little… closed off and almost scared to reach out to anyone on the team past a professional manner.
She knew now that Baylor was to blame for that, and that in this particular situation, most people wouldn't cater to JJ's need for some kind of affection because that would make it seem like she was being taken advantage of, but then again, even though she didn't know if JJ was interested women, either, Emily Magdalene Prentiss didn't fall into the 'most people' category.
So she stayed.
"Okay."
JJ became a little less downhearted and then paused, finally taking in everything she'd been outfitted in since her admittance to the hospital.
First and foremost, her arm was secured in a cloth sling across her body to keep it out of the way, and that was good. She still had the nasal tube, and she was wearing a hospital gown while sporting a plastic ID bracelet on her available wrist, but now there was also a medical finger clamp on her right pointer finger with a long coated cable protruding from the end, and JJ suspected that it was monitoring her blood pressure.
Not to be missed was a fresh oxygen tank for the nasal tube, along with an IV line that was pumping saline into her veins. Her heart was being monitored with wires that were attached to her chest with paper patches, and when she looked down her body a little further, she saw that her midriff was exposed and that more patches and wires were decorating the lower portion, the slightly distended part.
Wrinkling her nose and looking away quickly, JJ asked, "Emily, why isn't my arm in a proper cast yet, and why is the baby being monitored?"
"I told your doctor that you're having mixed feelings about the baby and that you're considering an abortion. The baby is in good health—I saw it on an ultrasound on the ambulance ride over here—but the doctor also said that if you really want an abortion, we can schedule an appointment for today."
"If I did that, would you come with me?"
Without missing a beat and because she genuinely loved her, Emily answered. "Yes, JJ. For you, I would."
JJ just about turned to mush at the sincerity, but she forced herself to stay in the game. "There was another thing, wasn't there?"
Emily nodded. "The doctor said that as long as you keep the pregnancy going, you can continue using the level of anesthesia that you're on, and if you're intent on that, we can take care of your arm soon."
"Do I need surgery on it?"
"No, but…"
"Yes…?" JJ prompted.
"If we wait too long, the anesthesia will be pumped up, anyway, but that will also induce a miscarriage. You're at nine weeks right now, so it wouldn't be as traumatic as it would be further down the line, but still, a miscarriage is a miscarriage."
JJ's heart began to fill with fear as the gravity of the situation all but slammed into her.
She still didn't know if she wanted the baby or not, but if she had a say in hers and her child's health, she definitely did not want a miscarriage. But would going that route, or even down the path leading to an abortion be selfish? Yes, her life and job were complicated, but it wasn't like she couldn't support herself and a child, and it most certainly wasn't like she didn't have any love to give to a baby—Zooey had been proof of that.
But then JJ had to get real: her arm was broken and it needed to be mended as quickly as possible. She also had a job that required her to be a public face quite often.
Overwhelmed, JJ began to cry, something she didn't often do in front of any of her BAU colleagues; in fact, she was sure that in the six months Emily had been with them, she hadn't cried in front of her yet.
Glad that she wasn't on the side of JJ that wasn't broken, Emily wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close to her in a hug, careful not to aggravate the bruises covering JJ's petite frame.
"I've got you, JJ." Emily murmured to her. "I've got you."
"I haven't been this afraid of anything since I was eleven and…"
JJ's words trailed off—she'd been about to mention Rosaline but stopped herself. The team knew that JJ had had a sister once, but they didn't know how she'd died or how old she'd been. They would find out one day, but JJ didn't want to talk about her precious big sister when she was feeling so vulnerable.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Emily asked.
"Maybe later, but not right now."
JJ leaned a little more into Emily's hold, feeling even more content when Emily deepened the hold and then secure when also realized how lovely and warm the other woman was.
"Thank you—for everything."
"You are very welcome."
As a comforting tactic, Emily pressed a kiss to the top of JJ's head and dropped her hand to her waist. It was all done without a second thought, but when actions caught up with realization, Emily froze because she didn't know how JJ would react, given everything she'd been through with Baylor. In truth, JJ was very surprised because it had been such a long time that she'd been held, let alone kissed in an affectionate way, but it wasn't all unwelcome because it actually felt right and made her heart turn cartwheels.
She even let out a contented sigh, and that made Emily relax and kiss her crown again.
"I've got you." she repeated.
"I love that, especially because I can finally breathe for the first time since… I don't know when."
For a brief moment, JJ forgot everything in regards to the baby and Baylor, and even her injuries. She even put her good hand on top of Emily's as she thought about how right it felt to be held so lovingly because while Emily seemed to be holding herself back so she didn't want to make it seem like she was taking advantage of her, she was still displaying enough affection to be completely convincing.
True, their actions were crossing all kinds of lines, but they were both of them very affectionate people, and also very, very human. JJ even found herself hoping that there was more to Emily's comforting skills than just comforting.
Unfortunately, the moment ended too soon when Emily's phone chimed to signal the arrival of a new text.
"That'll be from Penelope." Emily pulled away from JJ and extracted her phone from her jacket pocket, checking her texts. "Yep."
She sent an answer before putting her mobile back while JJ just furrowed her eyebrows.
"How does PG know where I am?"
"In my defense," Emily said quickly. "She called me, asking where you were or if I'd heard from you."
"Her ESP/mama bear thing kicked in, and she weaseled the truth out of you, didn't she?"
"Yes, but I didn't tell her about Baylor, your arm, or the baby."
JJ breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Penelope is coming to check on me now for her own peace of mind now, huh?"
"Yes, and she's in the elevators now—that's what her text was about. Would you like me to ask her to leave?"
"No." JJ decided. "I want her, but I don't want the boys to know just yet."
"I understand, and you know, it won't hurt to have her to talk to right now."
"Why?"
"Penelope knows a thing or two about babies and tricky situations. I do, too."
Before JJ could ask for some kind of explanation, there was a knock on the doorframe and when they looked towards it, they saw Penelope had arrived and was looking relieved. She was dressed in her usual bright tones (which immediately made JJ perkier), and in addition to her purse, she was also sporting a gift bag, too. She set both of her things aside on JJ's bedside and before standing back to take in the sight of JJ awake and sitting up.
"I don't know what it is," the tech analyst told the communications liaison. "But I just had this feeling that I should come check on you—and not just because you and the others were in Oregon all week. Is my intuition on point?"
"Uh-huh." JJ said. "Will you come sit with us?"
Penelope had already noticed JJ's baby belly and was now very tempted to make a comment about how cozy her friends looked in spite of the situation, but wisely decided that this was not the time and accepted JJ's invitation.
By the time JJ finished telling her story, Penelope felt her heart breaking for JJ because of the mess she was in. She knew how she was going to respond but didn't get a chance because the doctor entered at that point and informed JJ that now that she was awake, it was time for another ultrasound.
Emily and Penelope stayed upon JJ's request, but JJ herself stayed completely disengaged, looking away from the monitor and turning down an offer to hear the heartbeat. She let Penelope smooth back her hair and Emily hold her good hand, but she became so disengaged that she only half-heard her friends and the doctor begging her to turn around. JJ held fast to her abnegation, so when she heard Emily request sonogram printouts, she told herself that she wouldn't look at them just yet.
"Agent Jareau?"
The check up was over, and JJ was trying almost a little too hard to not let her thoughts derail as Emily cleaned off the ultrasound gel from her belly for her since her damaged arm was her good one and she wasn't too practiced at doing things right-handed yet.
For the second time since waking up, JJ forced herself to stay in the game when she Doctor Bennet looking at her.
"Even if you don't want know details about your pregnancy, we still need to talk logistics, considering your pressing condition. Do you understand?"
"Yes." JJ nodded as Emily finished her task, adjusted her garment and threw away the paper towel she'd been using. "Is it alright if Emily and Penelope stay? They're my two closest friends, and my family is back in Pennsylvania."
"They can stay as long as you want them."
Emily and Penelope joined JJ on the bed, and all three of them gave Doctor Bennet their full attention, although she spoke directly to her patient.
"If you decide to go through with the abortion, you will have to stay here overnight because your system in already weak because of all the bruises you've sustained. A procedure like that would be very taxing on you as a whole."
"I get that."
"Good." Bennet approved. "That being said, if you continue to see your pregnancy out, we can release you after we set your arm on the mend. I highly recommend that you stay with one of your friends, here."
"That can be arranged." the other two said in unison.
JJ smiled a little, glad that she had such a strong support system already. "Do I have a concussion?"
"Luckily, no, and considering that you were thrown into a bookshelf, you got incredibly lucky because other than your broken arm and a few bruises, nothing else happened. The first twenty-four hours with a broken limb, especially once it's put into a proper cast, is an adjustment period."
"Then I will stay with Emily or Penelope."
"That will suffice. I'm sure Agent Prentiss told you about your timeframe, yes?"
"She did. How much time is left?"
After some calculations and consulting her watch, Bennet said, "Fifteen minutes. I'll be back at the end of that time to hear your choice."
Doctor Bennet left after that and JJ sighed heavily, and leaned back in her bed, turning to the other blond in the room.
"Penelope, Emily said that you know something about babies and 'tricky situations'?"
Penelope smiled sadly at the memories she was immediately flooded with. "I went through an extreme wild child phase after my parents died, and because of different choices I made, I got pregnant twice in ten months, but miscarried both babies because my body couldn't handle it."
"Do you miss your babies?"
"Every day and all the time. I wasn't too far along either time, but if my kids were still here, they'd both be graduating high school this year."
"You imagine how things would have been? Doesn't that make it worse?"
"No, actually." Penelope said softly. "It actually makes it hurt less, even after all these years."
Feeling comforted, JJ looked to Emily. "What's your story?"
Emily sighed heavily—her experience would always hurt, even when she was with people she cared about. "What I'm about to say stays between the three of us for now, but when I was fifteen, my parents and I lived in Italy for almost a whole year. My parents weren't thrilled, but I also went through a wild child phase. I even got pregnant."
"What happened?"
"I was really scared and got an abortion. My parents didn't find out until years later."
"Do you regret the procedure?"
"I don't know if regret is the right word, but I sure do miss my little one, especially considering that he or she would be in their twenties by now."
"Do you do what Penelope does and imagine how things would have been?"
"Uh-huh. I had my abortion because it felt like the right thing to do since I was in high school and had no money of my own, but I like to imagine that the baby is happy up in heaven, chasing butterflies."
"And that makes your pain ease?"
"Yes."
JJ fell quiet for a minute, thinking about the intimate stories her friends had just told her. She also thought about the life growing inside her womb and how the next few minutes were crucial.
"But for what it's worth, Jennifer," (JJ looked at Emily in surprise because hardly anyone ever called her by her actual name) "If you don't go through with the termination, then it means that my kid will have company down the road."
Penelope reacted first, gasping in surprise before turning to JJ, wanting to see what she would say. The woman in question felt a rush of joy for her friend.
"You're pregnant? This is what you were going to tell me earlier?"
Emily nodded as she pulled out a sonogram image from her inside jacket pocket and handed it to JJ. "I've been trying for five years to be a mother through adoption or IVF because I'm older than I look and I don't want to wake up one day and realize I missed my chance. The IVF worked and I'm over the moon because this is the furthest I've ever gotten and that sonogram is my first-ever picture of my munchkin."
JJ's eyes filled with tears at the sight of Emily's baby. That little grey blob in the middle of the picture was a real person, growing inside Emily's body, right that very second, and according to the printed information in the top right corner, would be making its world debut in six months.
"Oh, Emily, I'm so happy for you!" As she handed the special picture back to her, she dabbed at the tears with her good hand. "Congratulations!"
"Thanks, JJ. That means a lot."
Penelope also gave Emily her congratulations before picking up the gift bag she'd brought in with her and placed it gently on JJ's lap.
"I'm not expecting a visit from the stork—although I wish I was—but I brought a present for you."
With Emily keeping the bag steady, JJ reached inside and pulled out a wooden picture frame, but when she saw the picture inside, her heart leapt: it was a beautiful black-and-white close-up shot of her and Zooey together in the hospital. Zooey was having skin-to-skin time after a bottle feeding and was half asleep. A baby blanket was draped over her back, which JJ was keeping in place with one hand as she supported Zooey's rump with her other hand.
The picture captured JJ giving Zooey a kiss and Zooey smiling in reaction. JJ hadn't even known the picture was being taken.
"Penelope," she tore her eyes away to look at her beaming friend. "How did you get this picture?"
"Derek told me he took it with his phone when he came to visit you while you were looking after Zooey, and he sent it to me because he know how much you loved spending time with her, and also that I'd be able to do something with the image for you."
"Thank you so much, Penelope—this is really precious. I'll talk to Derek about it tomorrow."
"My favorite part," the bespectacled woman mused. "Is that Zooey means life."
"It does?"
"Yes, and speaking of life, I've got another present for you… and I really hope you look this time."
JJ knew what was coming—her own sonogram.
It was with reluctance that she took it, but when she did and she examined the picture, her heart just about jumped out of her chest, although it was just because she wasn't just looking at a picture of her offspring for the first time; there was another thing about the picture that not only made her cry happy tears, but also made her heart tighten with pure joy, just like when she had seen the picture of Emily's baby.
"I-is this right?" she looked from one friend to the other. "There's two?"
"Yes." Emily and Penelope said in unison, both inwardly crossing their fingers.
"These are my babies…"
JJ looked back at the picture and without even realizing it, put a hand on her middle and caressed it lovingly.
"These are my babies, and they need me…"
Emily sat with JJ again, and not caring that Penelope was watching, held her close again and gave JJ a kiss on her temple this time. "Yes, JJ, they do. They need their mommy."
JJ began to weep openly as she almost physically felt herself have a change of heart.
Penelope sat back on the bed, and worked with Emily to get JJ calm again because was actually very important that she not get dehydrated. It was a few moments before JJ was herself again.
"Talk to us, JJ." Penelope soothed. "Come on."
Confidence bolstered when Emily put a hand in the small of her back for support, JJ spoke.
"I want them."
JJ put good hand back on middle, touching it to the swell there—the swell that was housing her two little babies—and this time, she was overflowing with love for them. It was a mother's kind of love.
"I'm going to keep my babies!" JJ said, extremely happy now because her admission was making thing one hundred percent real. "I'm going to be a mom!"
