Chapter 6: between life and death


Zuko suffers the pain which pierces his body like a lightening through the dark. A complete blackness surrounds him, he can't see anything, only hear some voices. Somebody puts a hand on his forehead, soon after, the unbearable pain turns into a slight tingling, but quickly strikes again.

"Zuko, wake up! I'm begging you, WAKE UP!"

Another touch to the chest causes an even stronger flash of pain. The boy doesn't intend to make any sound, but without realising he hears his own scream. It sounds unfamiliar, like someone else's wail. The weather around him changes a bit, becomes fresh and damp. Cool and soothing wind caresses his face, neck and shoulders, the sensation in his legs and arms completely disappears. He feels only his eyelids, but he can't open them and see the light.

He can hear Katara's voice. "Zuko, please, stay with us!"

Zuko feels an internal trembling now, the icy cold floods his whole body. His eyes are still closed as if eyelids are glued forever–he can't make them to split. More and more people moves around him, he feels the passing time, the rush, the agitation. Only one thought revolves in his head: survive, I need to survive... For some time he doesn't feel his body, despair poisones his head. But this time he vaguely understands some details and lists them in mind: sun, clouds and trees, hard ground on which he lies, four faces leaning over him. He can hear his own heartbeat. The pain in his stomach turns into a tickle and disappears completely, but hell is still raging in his head.

How did he get here? He doesn't remember...

Zuko listens. His consciousness is clear, but where is his body? Can't feel anthing anymore. Does that mean he's already dead?

"We'll take care of you, just don't worry."

Katara says something more, but Zuko doesn't understand the words, only voices full of concern. Now he feels helpful hands lifting him from ground, carrying somewhere and putting him very carefully on something soft. His consciousness becomes less clear, the wave of pain takes over his body again. Zuko knows that under this state, this darkness, there is a dreadful anguish, so it's best to be calm and try not to get close to it.

"Do you hear me, Zuko? We do everything we can."

Katara says something again, but her voice sounds very far away. Someone is holding his hand and doesn't release it for a split second. He wants to move, to say he's fine, but he can't. Still, he would lie if he said, he is not fine, he is like dead and his mind is locked in this motionless body, separated from everybody.

Somebody's shaky hands opens his green ragged tunic. The freshness gets in and makes his body even colder. It seems like everything is swaying around as if water is swinging the boat. Zuko feels emptiness. It's like an oppressive dream. Some light finally passes through his eyes, but he still can't see anything specific. His existence holds on the thread. He doesn't want to lose consciousness even if he feels like it.

"No... no..." Zuko pleads for his mercy. "Don't touch me! Please, don't... Every touch tortures me... I WANT TO DIE..."

"What are you talking about, Zuko?" Katara's voice is filled with fear. "You won't die, I promise."

But soon everything changes as if Zuko is moved to a place where no one can see or hear him. The boy shivers and slowly opens his eyes. He wants to know where he got, wants to see it. But he can't see anything except the light and fire whips that slowly gathers in a yellowish red vortex above. Zuko follows the mystical act, with his eyes widened in astonishment, until fire finally surrounds everything around him. After a few moments, the flaming whips merge into one big fire ball and by whirling forms some kind of a figure. Zuko recognizes a dragon in them, like a phoenix itself rising from the ashes.

The dragon approaches him and makes a few circles around, as if trying to examine him. The Prince doesn't move, fear freezes his body like a cold that freezes water to ice. He holds his breath when the creature suddenly finds itself in front of him. Closes his eyes and feels the heat from its nostrils breathing right in his face.

"Zuko, you can't die."

The dragon speaks in his Uncle's voice, and Zuko opens his eyes in amazement. He sees the yellow eyes staring at him, his nose tendrils wriggle from both sides like long thin snakes.

"Why?" Zuko asks in such a tired voice that he doesn't even recognize himself, as if someone else is speaking for him. "I can't bear it anymore... Why am I still alive?"

"Death isn't an answer, Zuko. Get up and fight now."

He doesn't move. The bright light spreads everywhere. He hears Katara's voice again. "Zuko! Wake up, say something! Are you still with us?"

Silence...

Pain and light...

Weightless body...

"Don't give up, you have something to live on, don't let your Father win this war. I know you can." The dragon says, slowly whirling around him. His body covered with scales teriffies Zuko, he doesn't want to touch him to get injured, and yet so close...

"No, I can't, I can't... take it anymore... I don't know what to do. I always thought I am on the right side, that I must to help my Father win this war, because it's the only way to regain my honor. I did my best to please my Father and tried to bring him the Avatar, but I made other people suffer because of him. I didn't realize it until we reached the Earth Kingdom. He lied to me all the time, that they all respect us, but they hate us. They want us dead. They want me dead..."

"There are wrong people on both sides. The people of the Earth Kingdom believe that everyone in the Fire Nation is evil, but because your Father leads this war, that doesn't make you bad. You still have a chance to change everything. You can stop the war."

"But how, Uncle?! How am I suppose to stop the war without Father hating me?"

"Think this through, Zuko. The war brings pain to every side, including the agressive inviders. Where is no right or no wrong, only destruction, only tears. The Avatar knows it, that's why he has to stop the war and restore balance to the world. Do you really want to see both sides suffering? Do you really want the war to never end?"

Dragon's face disappears. And the heart still beats. Zuko's eyes slowly closes. But why doesn't he get up? Something is not right. The beating slows down. Fire and dazzling light is gone now, darkness and cold fills everything around. At the same time Zuko feels something wet and cold. Someone opens his mouth.

"What is it? What are you giving to me?" He asks to Katara. "I want to die..."

"No, Zuko, no..."

"I have to feel I'm dying. I have to know..."

He feels a familiar mild tingling. There is a soothing wind still blowing through the window. A pleasant warmth slides down his back, flows to his feet, on the same path which the pain went before. Zuko wants to raise his hand, but fails again. Barely hears voices. Looks like Toph is calling his name. What does she want?

"Zuko, I'm begging you! It's never too late! You can still come back!"

At the very moment he feels that something is lifting him out of bed. But those hands doesn't feel like human, it's the dragon with his Uncle's voice. He doesn't know what to believe, he thinks he's going insane, that the pain makes him go beyond insane. It can't be true, there is no Uncle, no dragon... it's just a dream.

"No, I can't stay. Uncle, let me go..." Zuko whispers, barely moving his lips.

"Please." He begs gently. "You have to live. You are strong enough to fight for yourself. For your people. For those who still love you. You have to get up."

He finally opens his eyes and this time he clearly sees Uncle's figure in front of him. His long gray hair flutters near his face like a soft silk, hands caressing his nose, cheeks and lips. He smiles and looks at his nephew with compassionate eyes. He is so close, but it seems like he can quickly disappear if Zuko closes his eyes.

"Uncle..." He whispers.

The Prince wakes up from stagnation and realizes he can move again. But it's only his soul, the body is still laying, attached to the bed. No one else but Uncle knows what's happening inside his mind. His soul doesn't want to return to his body anymore. Zuko can't hear any voices, he knows he won't come back, but Uncle doesn't want to let him go. He wants to save him, with any cost return him to life.

Separate episodes flicker in the boy's head. Uncle always tried to protect him. Especially now. But he never showed his appreciation. He has to do it now, to show his care and love until it's too late. For his Uncle, for the person, who loves him the most. He tries to open his mouth, but it's only emptiness. No reaction. Uncle's face disappears as if fire blown out by the wind.

"Zuko!" Aang screams, terrified, somewhere, very far away. "Hold on!"

Zuko is afraid he won't rise, or maybe even worse–forever stays in this state, between life and death. Wants to scream, resist, reveal his horror and...

Stops breathing.

No. Not this.

Thoughts are as heavy as stones.

The heart stops...

Blackness...

Memories disappear...

Zuko forces himself to remain calm and suppress the pain that floods his body with unbearable waves. Wants to think about anything and fall into abyss. But no, he has to get up and go. Though his head hurts terribly, he tries to call his Uncle again.

"Please, come back! I NEED YOU!"

Suddenly, a spinning fire throws him back from where it all started. He sees the room in front of himself. The cold begins to convulse him when he thinks he will have to look at his helpless body. But he is bravely moving forward. Going to his bed. The cold disappears and he feels the warmth again. It's Katara's healing water and her gentle hands nursing his body. Zuko goes with his eyes closed as a silvery light falls on his face. He feels his resurging body and no longer sees the room. Now, he is in the darkness, only a faint strip of light flashes in front of him.

"The light at the end of the tunnel..." The boy thinks and starts running towards it. The strip of light brightens at every second, but the end is still far away. Later, when all eternity seems to have passed, Zuko again gets surrounded by a dazzling silver light and covers his eyes. A wave of wind with an even brighter light blows in his face.

"I'm going back..." He whispers and succumbs to embracing arms...


To be continued...


AN: Phew, what a relief after such a chapter! I think it's a bit messy, I'm so sorry if you don't understand some details. I'm doing my best in writing this story, but English isn't my first language, I might have made mistakes, so don't roast me very much, please! Thank you so much for all the comments. Special thanks for CurryPrince. I really appreciate your support!