Surviving (Love)

[100 AG]

[The Fire Nation Royal Palace]

She looked like the child she was supposed to be, drooling into her pillow like she would never admit to doing, clutching her blankets to her chest, and for a moment, he thought about sitting down on the bed's edge, felt the urge to brush a crookedly cut strand of hair behind her ear like their mother used to do, but there was no forgetting who she was, what she had done, no matter how innocent she looked, how heavily sedated the guards outside had assured him she was, not just yet, and so he didn't step any closer.

"I sometimes wonder", he said quietly, to nobody and the world at large, Azula, himself and maybe a nosy guardsman with an ear pressed to the door, "how things had been had Lu Ten not died. Had Uncle taken the throne after Fire Lord Azulon's death. Had you not eavesdropped on Father and him. I wondered if the world would've been better off without me. If I had been better of dead. You seem to think so, at least. I know Father did."

He sighed.

"And I never wanted anything to happen to you, y'know? Not until the very end. I was willing to do what was necessary to end this war. I was willing to ... I was willing to end you, but ... I didn't ... I didn't want to. I didn't want it to come to this, because I ... I loved you."

And then he took a step.

"I love you. I do. And I hate that so much, that I can look at you and know what you did, to me and my friends, to your friends - Agni, I can only guess what happened to Mai and Ty Lee after the Boiling Rock -, and still all I can think is that you are my sister. My little sister. And I remember sneaking around the palace with you and being proud when you started firebending, playing fetch and hide and seek and ... I can't help but love that little girl who nobody looked out for."

She shifted in her sleep.

"If Lu Ten hadn't died, I wouldn't have been burned. Had I still been burned, nobody would've followed me into banishment, because Uncle would've still been leading the Siege of Ba Sing Se. And what would've become of me then ... But it's useless to think about that, isn't it? The spirits don't care about what-ifs. Neither do the people. Nobody cares what would've happened had Aang not run away. Because it didn't. I got banished. And you tried to kill me. And I can't hate you."

He reached out and pulled the blanket over her shoulders.

"And I hate that."