Surviving (Numb)
[100 AG]
[The Fire Nation Royal Palace]
When the world got quiet and nobody tugged on his sleeve and nobody hid behind him and nobody hugged him close, when nobody needed him and he needed to be nobody, when he remembered that only a year ago he'd never left his home before and still had known nothing but war and now the war was over, he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply and everything that he wasn't allowed to feel all day threatened to overwhelm him.
Because during the day, he wasn't just Sokka.
He was Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe, Son of Chief Hakoda, Representative of his People, Hero of Wulong, and the palace staff whispered behind his back, nobody trusted them here, peasants, barbarians, the enemy, and Aang wouldn't smile and Toph was too quiet and Katara didn't seem to be hearing anything and Suki didn't talk, either, and Zuko's arm wrapped around his chest a little too often to believe him when he said he felt fine, so somebody had to keep it together, them together.
He hadn't quite been Sokka for a while now, he mused and turned his head to see the waning moon, almost smiling when he thought of Yue, but then Suki mumbled something in her sleep and buried herself deeper into his chest and he kissed her head instead.
He was tired, most of the time and right this moment, had been for months now, and he was terrified still, to wake up and realize nothing of this had been real, and whenever he looked at his friends, at his family, pure elation floaded his whole body, because they were finally, finally safe, and then, sometimes, there was nothing at all in him, just darkness in his veins and hollowness in his chest and sluggish thoughts stumbling through his head.
When he remembered Toph slipping from his grip.
And how scared he had been to never see Suki agian.
When he remembered seeing Aang in a heap on the ground next to the unmoving Fire Lord.
Or finding Zuko with a new scar on his chest.
Katara had smiled at him, wobbly and teary-eyed.
And they all had cried once Aang had started.
The people whispered about them all staying in Zuko's room, young women and men, two children between them, nobody married, from different nations, they didn't like them sharing a bed and maybe Sokka would've whispered with them, months ago, but now he couldn't bare the thought of not being close when one of them rose from a nightmare, being away from them when they could need him, and he was scared of that, having to seperate.
Because they would have to, at some point.
Zuko would stay here, a prince once more.
Suki had to get her warriors back to Kyoshi Island as soon as they were freed.
The South Pole needed Katara and him.
Toph missed her parents terribly.
He wasn't sure what Aang had in mind, and he doubted there was much of the future on his mind at all, but he knew there would be no need to convince Dad to take the boy in, if Aang decided he wanted to come home with them.
He hoped Aang would decide to come with them.
He wanted them all to.
But he knew that wouldn't happen.
He exhaled and looked at the moon again.
