Chapter 19: sun and moon
"He wanted to make me stronger. Firebenders can't bend in extreme cold or being in the dark for too long without any source of light. My Father used to lock me in a small dark room, he still had a clear mind not to lock me up in the cold so I wouldn't die, but he gave me any food. It only took me three days to lose my ability, but after that it took me weeks to regain it."
"But how can you be stronger when you lose your firebending?"
"That's the point. When you lose your bending, you try harder to be strong until you finally regain your ability." The boy explains. "I was angry. I always struggled to be strong, I wanted to be a firebender when I thought I wasn't, and when I finally realized I am, he forced me lose my fire again to make me stronger. I couldn't complain, I couldn't say a word about it, I couldn't stop him because if I tried, he whipped me with a fire. It was my lesson, and I was silent. And Azula enjoyed it, she liked to see me suffering. I tried to pretend I don't care, but she knew I was lying."
"I'm so, so sorry, Zuko." Katara hears his breaking voice, she knows he's on the verge of tears and wants to hug him firmly, but she hesitates, not wanting to cross their boundaries.
"You don't have to. It's not like you had the power to change everything." He repeats her previous words.
She smiles briefly, not knowing what to say.
"When I couldn't firebend, I learned to control existing fire." He continues, his hand reaching for the climbing shrub on the fence, fingers cupping white bloom from the bottom, separating it from the heart-shaped leaves. "At least it was something, I just needed a light source. I don't know why I couldn't regain my ability for so long, maybe I was just weak. Even now I feel weaker in the dark. If I were strong, Father would never have done that, and if Mom was with me, things would be different. Sometimes I think she was ashamed of me, that she didn't love me enough because she knew she was leaving me with HIM, but she did that anyway."
"I'm sure she had a reason to leave." The girl tries to comfort him and slowly walks closer. "Your Mother showed how she loves you, she supported you in difficult times."
"So why did she had to leave me?!" Zuko shouts in an angry voice. "If she wanted to leave, why didn't she take me together? Why didn't she take me from that hell?"
"Maybe she couldn't?" Katara sees tears streaming down his cheeks, she barely holds her tears herself, it hurts her to see her friend suffering. Her hands wrap around his waist, they slip gently until her cheek snuggles against his back. Something tells Zuko it's not okay, but he doesn't retreat, his eyes pinned on a white flower in his palm.
"I guess I will never get an answer." He lowers his voice to a whisper, his tense muscles relaxing. "I'm sorry, I'm talking about my Mom, but you feel as bad as I do, and I promised not to hurt you anymore."
"It's alright, you don't hurt me, I wanted to hear you in the first place." Katara's hands hold the hem of his golden sash. "I got used to living with constant pain that my Mother no longer exists. The man who killed her is a monster, I feel that if I met him, I could kill him."
The boy doesn't answer anything, but she feel him wobble from her words. "It's not like I'll do it." She adds. "He's probably long gone. It's been many years."
Zuko suddenly grabs her wrists and pulls her away. Katara gasps in amazement and thinks for a moment that he will walk away, disappear into the darkness and never return. She wants to apologize for thinking about such cruel things, that she feels the urge to kill, maybe he's scared and doesn't want to see her, but he just turns to her and looks her in the eye for a while. His eyes are still wet with tears, his body tensing again as if he wants to do something, but he just stands here and looks at her, doubting or fearing. His hand with the flower slowly rises to the left side of her face and sticks the stem behind her ear.
Katara stops breathing and looks at his lips, she feels his urge to kiss her, she is ready, but he slowly withdraws, though he can't stop looking at her.
"Wow, these flowers are really beautiful at night." He whispers, smiling.
"Well..." The girl is confused not knowing what to say, her cheeks are hot, she raises her hand to touch the flower. "They finally bloomed. I have never seen them bloomed."
"Because you couldn't. These are the moon flowers, they never bloom during the day, they bloom only at night. Just like you."
"What do you mean?" Katara flushes. She knows perfectly well, but she wants to hear it from him. She wants him to say it. She wants to hear his voice saying every word.
"Ordinary flowers bloom during the day, because they need sunlight. And these flowers... are unique because they bloom at night." He laughs quietly, looking at the ground. "This is just pathetic."
"No, it's not. Tell me everything you think." This time, Katara grabs his wrists, his hands shaking.
"I just remembered what I told you at the North Pole. You rise with the moon, I rise with the sun. Most flowers rise with the sun, which means I'm like others, and you're the flower that rises with the moon, and that makes you special." He blushes madly, grateful that it's nighttime and she can't fully see his awkwardness. "Ironically, what makes you stronger makes me weaker."
"That's why we need each other, Zuko." The girl's hand releases one of his wrists and lands on his face, where the scar is. "When you are weak, I am here to protect you, and when I am weak, you can protect me. We can't live without each other, can't you see that?"
He closes his eyes, feeling her fingers travel gently through his scar, a scar he wouldn't let anyone else to touch. "We can't live without the sun and without the moon."
"You are my sun, Zuko, and I'm your moon."
"You are my moon." He utters. "I'm your sun."
It's like time has stopped. They look into each other's eyes, with Katara holding Zuko's wrist and her palm on his face. They are both timid to do something, they just happy to be together. He smiles. Oh, how she likes to see him smile! Their bodies so close, radiating passion and craving for each other.
Katara barely stays on her feet, Zuko catches her from falling and she feels sinking in the grass. Their lips gingerly connect together in a kiss, his mouth moving against hers gently, and her lips pushing back just as gently. Her hands move from his arms to his messy hair, fingers tangling in soft strands, and nails easily snag into his scalp. His moan, which resonates against her mouth, sends an indescribable jolt through her. He seems hesitant to move closer and touch her, keeping a small distance between their bodies, but she grabs his shirt with one hand and pulls him towards her. He shifts his knees, pressing himself against her until their chests meet and his hips settle against hers.
Zuko retreats for a moment for quick gasps of air, his forehead resting on her neck. "Katara..."
The girl tugs his hair to pull his head back up. He blinks, confusion and desire swirling in his gaze.
"Don't, please." She doesn't want to think about what they're doing, she knows that as soon as she thinks about it, those wonderful feelings will fade. She can already feel panic occupying her whole body, but she quickly stifles it by recapturing his lips again. The second kiss is more aggressive and deeper than their first, and an unfamiliar shudder runs through her body. Zuko gradually gains confidence, shifting his weight, his agile fingers tracing the curves of her waist. Her wandering hands respond by traveling down his chest, settling on the sash that keeps his tunic closed around his abdomen, and lingers on the knot in its center.
When Katara's rushing fingers finally untie the knot, her brain feels clouded, struggling to process anything but the way his hair sticks up where she ran with her fingers and how his chest heaves beneath that thin fabric of his shirt and unbound tunic. She wants to reach out and touch him again, but Zuko suddenly withdraws.
"No, stop, we can't!" He shouts in a trembling voice, at the same time trying to catch his breath and emerge from dizziness.
"Why?" Katara seeks for him, but he just moves away from her.
"Because you're only fourteen."
"And you're only sixteen."
"I could have hurt you. Very badly. I always hurt people. Always."
"No, you don't. You haven't hurt me, you made a promise."
"I never hurt people because I want to. It always just happens by accident, and I don't want that happen to you." He turns his back to her, his legs bent, hands pressing his knees firmly to his chest.
"When did that happen?"
"What do you mean?"
"When did you start feeling something for me?"
"I don't know, it just happened." He whispers softly, she barely hears his voice. "At first, when your friend saved me and you started healing me, I felt dead inside. I wanted my body to die along with my soul. All my life I have been emotionally tortured. I lost Lu Ten and my Mom, then I was banished, only with my Uncle by my side, but now he is gone. I was left completely alone, I had nothing to fight for, but before I knew what was happening... I found someone else who truly cares about me. At first I felt that you saved me not so I could live, but feel dead while living. But because of you, something inside me just snapped, I found desire to live. You helped me to regain my true self, but it feels wrong, very wrong..."
"No, why does it feel wrong?" The girl pushes herself closer to him, but her hand stops in the air, she is not sure if he wants to be touched again.
"Because. I was banished from my home for three years, I always knew what I wanted. I wanted my honor, I wanted to go home and for my Father to love me. I was thinking too much about something I lost, but in reality the only thing I lost was myself. And now when everything's changed... I can't stop wanting what I've never wanted before."
"There is nothing wrong with wanting. You can want whatever you want, you are free and no one can tell you what you need to want."
"I know, but it feels so selfish. All I want now is you."
"The feeling is mutual, Zuko, there's nothing you should worry about." Katara finally puts her hand on his shoulder, stroking gently. She can feel him relaxing a bit.
"Have you... ever kissed... a boy?"
Katara is surprised by the question and her hand freezes for a moment. "Yes, there was a boy. His name's Jet." She responds timidly, but pronounces the name bitterly. "But he ended up being bad. It was a mistake."
"And what about the Avatar? I mean... Aang?"
"He kissed me once. But it doesn't change anything. He has a crush on me, but I'm not sure if what I feel for him is love."
"Not sure, huh?"
Katara takes a deep breath and pushes herself right in front of him so she can see his face clearly. His bright amber eyes shine from under his long bangs, and she smiles briefly. "You look so cute when you are jealous."
The girl bends over to kiss him, and he loses his firm posture immediately, letting his legs on the grassy ground. Her tenacious arms wrap around his neck, he feels like he is going to choke from her closeness, but he doesn't retreat, his hands ghosting on her back.
When they separate again, they try to catch their breaths. She lays next to him and he puts his head on her lap. They are silent for a while, Katara caresses his soft hair, she likes his strands slipping between her fingers. She wants it to never end, this night is perfect, the moonlight illuminates their bodies lying in the grass, the crickets chirping in the silence of the night, and it seems that nothing else is needed. Zuko was wrong though, their team was never actually perfect, the first day when Toph joined, they argued a lot until she decided to leave. If Zuko had been there, he would never say they are the perfect team and she would never long for that peace of mind after all the fuss they caused. She needed peace so much that it hurt. Until tonight...
"You know, I've always loved the moon flowers." Zuko tells all of a sudden, his eyes are closed, he enjoys her gentle touches. "But I hate fire lilies."
Katara giggles quietly. "Why?"
"Those flowers grow only in the Fire Nation. And that red color in them... it looks like blood. I know those flowers are bloodless, but they look like bleeding, like flooded with blood in the battlefield. Red always symbolizes evil, and white is pure, like those moon flowers. Like you."
"You're so romantic, you know that?"
"No. Am I?"
Katara opens her mouth to answer, but suddenly sees Toph running towards them.
"I don't want to interrupt whatever you are doing, you lovebirds, but something's coming!" She reports. "Something very big!"
"WHAT?!" Zuko jumps on his feet and grabs his sash, which Katara untied before. At the same time, Sokka emerges from the darkness, his eyes grow big as he sees Zuko hastily wrapping his sash around his waist and tugging the bottom of his tunic.
"WHAT?!" He screams with anger in his voice. "WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MY SISTER?!"
"No, that's not what you think!" The Prince feels his cheeks heat up in shame. Sokka clearly knows what they were doing.
"Guys, it's not the time to talk about it!" Toph intervenes, trying to feel the exact location of the newcomers. "They are approaching from there! There are three of them... some animals... Wait a minute, these are komodo rhinos, I know them from before!"
Zuko pins his eyes to the distance, to the side where Toph showed them to look, and tries to see something in the dark. "It's Azula and her friends."
"No way!" Katara gasps.
"Man, how did they find us?" Toph groans in annoyance.
"I told you it's a bad idea to get closer to the town!" Sokka states. "Somebody saw us!"
"Just shut up and wait, Snoozles."
"We can still get on Appa and escape." Aang offers, joining the group.
"No, it's too late." Toph objects. "They're here."
Zuko grumbles with anger and gets ready for the fight when three rhinos surround them from all sides, raising dust beneath their feet. His eyes run across all three girls. Azula first gets off the rhino and walks closer with a treacherous smile on her face. Ty Lee follows her, her braid falls safely on her back as she jumps and lands without any sound next to her friend. And Mai comes next.
"Hello, Zuzu." Azula speaks mockingly. "Long time no see."
To be continued...
AN: Well, I just posted two chapters in one day. It's been so long since I posted something, but it was hard to write. I originally planned one chapter but it turned out too long. I hope you like it, and I promise, it's getting more interesting!
