Chapter 22: the touch


A few days have passed. The GAng traveled at dawn each day, not wanting to stay in one place for too long, getting closer to the Fire Nation. In the evenings, they stopped somewhere by the river to get water and set up tents in the woods. On one of those evenings Zuko decided to tell in detail what he and his Uncle were doing after the battle at the North Pole, how he stole an ostrich-horse, separated from his Uncle and met a boy named Li, who mercilessly send him away from the village just because he is a Firebeder, and how after that he finally reunited with Uncle, but they were separated again by the earthbenders. The Prince tried to tell what had happened before Toph found him wounded in the woods, but he couldn't remember how he escaped the attackers. It made him a little worried, but friends reassured him that everything is going to be alright as long as he is with them.

Between those long and tiring travels, they took breaks for Appa to rest, while they themselves mostly trained or went to the market. However, not everything went as they planned. Katara finally removed Zuko's bandages, but she couldn't unblock his chakras in any way. No matter how hard she tried, the blockages were too strong. And Zuko felt even more frustrated. The more days passed, the harder it was for him to wait until he could rescue his Uncle. The girl felt like his hope was dying with each passing day, that he felt helpless and useless, but she tried to comfort him that Azula isn't torturing Iroh.

"Maybe you're right." Zuko speaks when she tries to heal him again. "She just wants to scare me."

"I think you have to make a little effort yourself to unblock your chakras." She declares, her hands running through his body with glowing water. "If not, it may take even longer."

"And what should I do?"

"Maybe your body is healthy from the outside, but the consequences of your depression aren't over yet. You aren't fully healed spiritually."

"How should I do that? I can't heal spiritually until I see my Uncle, until I know he is fine."

"You have to try, you must to, otherwise you will never regain your firebending." Katara sighs, swiping her finger on the text of the scroll. "Try to think optimistically. Think of the day you finally see Iroh. Imagine having your fire, sleep well, eat healthy and meditate."

"That's it?"

"Yup, it says it should help you."

A week had passed, but Zuko still hadn't regained his spark. He couldn't create even a little bit of fire, though he tried to do it every day. The GAang watched him making fist jabs, they knew he was trying as hard as he could, but nothing came out. Toph tried to do "the danger test", attacking Zuko by surprise, she hoped that when he felt danger, his chakras would unlock, but the giant boulder just knocked him down on the ground. After that his butt hurt all day and he couldn't sit normally. All of this made him even more angry at himself. He didn't blame Katara for not being able to unblock his chakras, he only blamed himself for being so emotional, because of his stupid emotions and past shame he was unable to create lightning, and now he can't control even the simplest fire.

Memories of that day flowed through his mind. When he screamed to the heavens how unfair his life was and wanted for the lightning to strike him down permanently.

Oh, how useless and pathetic he was...

AND HE STILL IS.

No, he can't think about it. Never again...

Another day has passed. And nothing.

"Are you sure you didn't miss anything?" Toph asks. "It continues for too long. What if he never regains his bending?"

"I didn't miss anything, I studied that scroll to the last word." Katara looks at Zuko, who is just sitting by the river and gazing at the sunset.

"So what do you think it is?"

"I don't know. I'm lost. I never thought I would feel completely useless for him again."

"Until he is in such a state, we won't be able to free Iroh, because only Zuko knows the dungeon in which he is." Says Sokka, going closer to his friends.

"And what do you suggest to do, genius?" Toph speaks sarcastically, burying her feet in the dirt.

"He can draw a map for us." The boy shrugs.

Toph raises her eyebrows. "You want to leave him behind?"

"I don't think that's a good idea." Katara intervenes. "We can't leave Zuko behind, he will never let us go without him."

Sokka crosses his arms on his chest. "If he wants his Uncle to be free, he'll have to deal with it."

"We shouldn't make him feel useless." The Waterbender looks at Zuko anxiously, then looks around as if searching for someone else. "Where is Aang? We should discuss about it with him too."

"He said he is very tired and went to bed early." Sokka replies.

Katara gets even more upset. From the day he found out that Zuko had kissed her, he behaves a little unusually, speaks in a nervous voice and even avoids the girl when she wants to talk about it. She knows he feels down and needs time to come to terms that she now belongs to Zuko. But she knows he's not angry and will never try to step in to win her, he doesn't want to hurt her and Zuko. He doesn't want to ruin their relationship, he's just frustrated that he can't have a girl he loves.

Deep in thought, Katara doesn't notice Zuko approaching them.

"Can I talk to you, Toph?" He asks seriously.

"Sure. What is it?" The girl responds.

"I want to talk to you in private."

She stands up and they both walk slowly down the footpath. Friends look at them until their figures disappear behind the trees.

"So what do you want to talk to me about?" Toph asks.

"I..." Zuko rubs the back of his neck, embarrassed. "I wanted to thank you for not leaving me to die in the woods. I know it came out of nowhere, I had to do it a lot earlier."

"Yeah, a lot." The girl punches him in the arm. "But you shouldn't worry about it or your heart will jump out of your chest, you know?"

"Oh... sorry."

"For what? You didn't do anything wrong. You are a good person and I saved you for a reason. Once you regain your firebending, you will be able to teach Twinkle Toes a few things. I've 'seen' you make some very good moves."

"Well... I'm not a firebending master, I don't think I could teach him."

"Come on, why are you so unsure of yourself? No wonder you can't regain your abilities."

"You can't help me that way, you know? Throwing boulders on me and stuff." Zuko rubs his butt, remembering the hit.

"Oh, you can't handle a few rocks, Princey Tender-Skin?" Toph scoffs.

"No, not that. It all just reminds me of the day when..." He's hesitant for a minute, he doesn't want her to hear, but he still needs to say it. "Those earthbenders crushed my hands, I don't think I can forget that. And I don't know if they did the same to my Uncle."

"Oh, I'm sorry." She now realizes that her "danger test" wasn't the best idea. "But don't you worry that much, you will bear all of this. I mean, it's probably had been a lot harder for you in the past, you have a scar on your face."

Zuko flinches and stops. His palm slowly rises and cups his left cheek. His skin in that place will never be smooth and soft again, no matter how much he hates it. There is nothing that could change it. "Yeah..." He whispers. "It was much harder in the past... you have no idea..."

"Wanna talk about it?"

They walk the footpath a little more, then Zuko stops by the tree and sits on the stone next to it, his feet firmly rests on the ground, palms on the stone. Toph sits silently on the ground and stretches her short legs.

"You want to know about my scar?" Zuko asks. "You haven't heard any rumors?"

"No, nobody told me anything."

"I didn't tell anyone, but people from the Fire Nation know what happened, many of them saw me that day."

"Many of them? You were scarred in front of many people and no one helped you?"

Zuko is silent again, looking at the girl. Even if she doesn't show it, he can feel that she's worried about him, her voice betrays all her emotions. "It's not like they had to help me. I dishonored myself that day, they had to hate me."

"What did you do?"

The boy sighs deeply and turns his eyes to the sky. The sun setting makes the sky bright yellow, it's so beautiful that Zuko again spends a few minutes in silence, admiring. Normally he felt his weakening firebending as night approached, but now he doesn't feel anything, his inner fire is gone.

"I tried to help my people." He finally says. "I thought it was right, but Father was angry with me. I have never seen him so angry before."

"You tried to help people and your father got angry?"

"He is the Fire Lord, you know how ruthless he is. He wants all the best for his country, but that's just his desires, others don't have to agree but they have to be silent. That's what didn't happen to me. I tried to protest and he punished me."

"Your father burned your face?" The realization suddenly makes Toph widen her eyes.

"Yeah, he did." Zuko rasps, still staring at the sky. He doesn't dare to look at the girl, doesn't want to see her pity for him. "I wanted to enter the war chamber where the generals discussed the war details. I thought I would learn something, but the guards didn't let me in. Uncle did. And it was the worst mistake ever. He told me not to speak, but I couldn't. They wanted to sacrifice a new division in the war, and I just wanted to defend my people and spoke out against that plan. My Father was angry, he said I despised my country, and I had to take a part in the Agni Kai, the fire duel. I thought I was going to fight the general whose plan I was against, and I said I wasn't afraid, but the one I had to fight was actually my Father. After that..." He raises his hand, tracing each line of the scar. "Well, you know... I had no time to recover, my Father exiled me from the Fire Nation the next day, he never even saw my scar, but he probably never cared, I guess. My Uncle blamed himself for letting me into the chamber and left with me. At least Father gave us the ship and the crew, we weren't completely alone."

"It was... scary." The Earthbender says quietly. "My parents never gave me what I wanted the most, but they never hurt me physically."

The boy finally looks at the girl. "What about your parents?"

"Nothing very special. I was born blind and they kept me from danger all the time, the world didn't even know I existed. They thought I was just a little fragile girl, but I wasn't, I could see through earthbending. They knew I was a bender and hired a teacher for me, but that wasn't all what I wanted, so I became the Blind Bandit." She laughs quietly, remembering the days when she whacked her opponents in the tournament. Zuko looks at her with interest. "Finally I could be myself, I could feel free. And then I met Aang and his friends and ran away from my parents. I know the feeling when your parents don't love you enough, but yours... just unbelievable."

The Prince sighs deeply, not knowing what to say. He knew before that he wasn't the only one suffering, many innocent people had suffered in this hundred years war and he simply didn't dare to feel sorry for himself. Every time he did that, he felt ashamed and tried to believe that there are people in the world who suffer much, much more than him and his sob stories make others laugh, especially those who aren't from the Fire Nation. In that way he learned to be quiet and keep the pain in, but now that he had understanding friends, he was able to open himself up a little bit.

"Let me touch it." Suddenly, Toph says.

"What?" Zuko is a little confused.

"Your face. I want to touch your scar."

"Why?"

"I just want to know how heartless your father is. I want to know what he can do to others when he can do such harm to his own child."

"Hey, I remember you touched my scar before." He frowns.

"Yes, but then you were hurt, I felt all your wounds and I couldn't tell which one was your scar."

"Well... you know, I don't let anyone touch my scar, every time someone tries I feel like they're trying to burn me again, the warmth of each hand is a sign of danger to me."

"I won't burn you, I am not a firebender." She laughs again, her voice sounds like wind chimes. Zuko has always loved that laugh, and he smiles in relief, he knows she can't hurt him and he wants her to trust him more.

With a slow motion, the boy lowers himself from the stone to the ground, closer to the girl. "Okay, you can touch it now."

Toph raises her hand to his face a little hesitantly, feeling his heartbeat. She knows he's nervous, but at the same time she wants to show that she'll never hurt him, even if sometimes she's rough and makes fun of her friends. Zuko closes his eyes and just waits. Soon he feels her warm fingertips barely run over his cheek. He gently catches that hand and puts it on his cheek so that her entire palm could feels the scar. They sit for a while, both frozen, as if waiting for something. Toph looks focused and Zuko tries to stay calm, breathing steadily.

"Whoa!" Toph gasps. "It's a very big scar. You don't deserve such punishment."

"Do you really think so?"

"No one deserves such punishment, the one who must be punished is your father."

"He will be. If Aang defeats him."

"Don't worry, he will."

Toph retreats her hand but remains seated next to Zuko. He turns his eyes from her to the sky again, pondering. No one has ever touched his scar before, except his Uncle, but now that he has friends, he can see that touches can't always hurt him.


To be continued...