Friday, January 29, 1813 – Gracechurch Street, London
At precisely ten in the morning, Darcy presented his card requesting to see Miss Elizabeth Bennet. He was shown into the drawing room where Elizabeth and Mrs. Gardiner awaited him. He bowed to each and was acknowledged by a curtsy. Mrs. Gardiner spoke first, "Mr. Darcy, Lizzy has informed her uncle and me[A1] that you have requested a private interview. I am sure you appreciate the unusual nature of such a request, inasmuch as we are not aware of any attachment between you both. However, because of rather unique circumstances that seem to exist, and Lizzy has told us much of the history between you, we are prepared to allow you to meet in our parlour directly across the hall. The door will remain open, as will the door of this room, and I will remain here. Is that satisfactory, sir?"
"Indeed, Mrs. Gardiner. Quite satisfactory and thank you."
Mrs. Gardiner then led the way into the parlour and seated them both. Satisfied that a proper distance separated her niece and Mr. Darcy, she returned to the drawing room.
In the parlour, each considered the other, wondering who was to start. Elizabeth believed that since Mr. Darcy had requested the interview, the responsibility for initiating the discussion rested upon him. Nevertheless, she did desperately want to apologize for her mistakes, her anger and her abuse of him. Darcy, for his part, wished to apologize but feared his tongue would betray him once again.
"Miss Bennet, I …"
"Mr Darcy, please allow …"
They looked at each other and Darcy's small smile elicited a shake of the head from Elizabeth. A slight gesture of her hand, motioned him to proceed.
"Thank you Miss Elizabeth. I asked for this interview for a number of reasons, the first of which is to ask for your forgiveness for my behaviour to you throughout almost all of our acquaintance."
Elizabeth could not allow this to stand unopposed. "Sir, I behaved most poorly towards you and particularly during my stay in Kent. I cannot …"
"Miss Elizabeth! Please do not upset yourself so." responded Darcy whose feelings would not allow him to remain seated. He was up and moving towards the window before he realized he was no longer sitting. He immediately stopped himself and turned to face Elizabeth. "I apologize for such abrupt behaviour. I could not sit!"
"Miss Elizabeth, my conduct towards you, your family and even your neighbours merits the strongest reproofs. You accused me of pride, arrogance and a selfish disdain for others. I was angry, very angry at your words. It took weeks for my anger to cool enough to realize the truth of your reproof. It took some time more, before I could even recognize how grievously I had insulted you, both in the manner of my proposal and its content. I stand here ashamed of the man who made that offer of marriage to you that evening. All that I realised then was that I was not worthy of your hand in marriage."
Elizabeth could not move her eyes from his face. That he could make such an admission seemed to her to be incredible. That it was honest, she believed she could read from his expression. She must interrupt.
"Mr. Darcy, please. I owe you an apology as well. My behaviour that night deserves much censure also. I abused you in the most abominable manner. I, who prided myself on my ability to discern people's character, allowed my judgement to be prejudiced by an errant comment of yours on very first acquaintance. I was angered by that comment and allowed it, unconsciously, to prejudice me against your character in all of our subsequent dealings. I never would have believed Mr. Wickham's lies, nor would I have been so insensible as to your regard, if I had not been so determined to dislike you. It took me considerable time also to understand my folly and misjudgement of your character. "
"Miss Elizabeth, I owe you a most particular apology. I can now see that at our very first acquaintance, you overheard something I said to Mr. Bingley. It was not only offensive and incorrect; it was wrong of me to utter such words in public. A most ungentlemanly thing to do. My reason, that Mr. Bingley was plaguing me badly on the occasion, does not excuse my behaviour."
"It was wrong indeed, sir, and I fear it coloured my attitude towards you for months. For that I fear you paid a heavy price."
"Did my letter help you to better understand my character?"
"Truly it did...and I appreciate the concern and consideration which led you to write it. It was a most gentlemanly thing to have done."
"I was very angry when I wrote it. I can only hope that it did not disturb you too much. I know I wrote such as to cause pain, though that was not my intent."
"It was an angry letter, to be sure, at the beginning. Its conclusion was most charitable and, if parts did pain me, I eventually could recognize the truth and honesty they contained."
"Miss Elizabeth, I beg you not to be too harsh with yourself about Mr. Wickham. He is a practiced deceiver and you had not the experience or knowledge to recognize his character. My cousin, the Colonel, was most upset to learn that Wickham was in your area and was quite harsh with me about my failure to protect you and your neighbours from him. He believed I had an obligation to make known his misdeeds. I cannot fault his concerns. I should have done something."
Elizabeth paled at this reference to Wickham and was tempted to confess his wickedness towards Lydia. She repressed it since she saw no useful purpose. She simply answered, "Mr. Darcy, shall we concede that both our behaviours were not above reproach. I know I have learned much from the experience and, I believe, you have done likewise."
"Miss Elizabeth, I will not argue with you as to who bears the greatest fault. I feel that you have much less cause to reproach yourself than I."
"Come, come, sir. Let us put this behind us. If we continue in this manner, we will be unable to discuss those other matters you mentioned."
"Very well. Miss Elizabeth," replied Darcy. He thought for a moment, "it seemed to me last night that Captain Stovall was quite attentive to your sister."
"Yes, in fact he is courting her."
"She seems happier than I can remember ever seeing her."
"I think she is. She has told me that her heart has fully mended. "
"I am very glad to hear that." Darcy debated whether to reveal his discussion with Bingley but decided that if he was to be truthful, he must do so. "Miss Elizabeth, last summer after my anger had abated, and I could consider your words more carefully, I realized that the opinion of a sister with intimate knowledge of Miss Bennet's affection was almost assuredly more accurate than mine could hope to be. I decided to confront Bingley with this knowledge and that of my interference. I did so when Bingley was visiting Pemberley last August. His response, I admit quite surprised me. You see…."
As Darcy described his meeting with Bingley and the latter's subsequent actions, he was watching Elizabeth's face, trying to understand her feelings and thoughts about his confession but he could not decipher them. If anything, she looked surprised. When he had finished, she appeared lost in thought and then, shaking her head, she looked at him with a rueful smile. "Jane and I had quite come to the opinion that Mr. Bingley was sadly lacking in this whole affair. In fact, Jane became quite angry with him – and, Mr. Darcy she read your letter after finding it by accident and knows of your involvement. She does not hold you to blame. I do believe that her anger mended her heart quite thoroughly. She is, indeed, much happier now and I would think Captain Stovall could make her very happy indeed."
"I am very glad to hear it."
"Therefore Mr. Darcy, I am quite prepared to overlook, indeed forgive, your officious interference in the matter of my sister and Mr. Bingley." This was said with a smile that Darcy could not possibly misinterpret and robbed the words of any attempt to cause pain.
"Thank you Miss Elizabeth. I believe that I should apologize to your sister as well."
"Perhaps, although I do not see that much would be accomplished by doing so."
"My honour, I think, requires it. But, that is for later. Miss Elizabeth, there is one more matter I wish to discuss and it is really the reason I am here today. If I had not met you last night, I fully intended to travel to Hertfordshire to call on you. I told you the simple truth last night. I had but to see you again and I found myself as much, if not more, in love with you than ever. My feelings are unchanged. I think your opinion of me has changed and I hope that you think better of me now than when I first proposed. I also came to understand that neither of us really knows the other. That was largely my fault stemming from a desire to hide my interest while in Hertfordshire. I would like to get to understand you better and to have you better understand me. Will you allow me to continue to call on you?"
Elizabeth trembled. The tension that had permeated their meeting seemed to peak. "Breathe!" She thought and took a deep breath. She looked Darcy and saw his face pale as she did not respond immediately. "He is expecting me to refuse!" She thought and immediately raised her hand to forestall his words. "Mr. Darcy, there is something you need to know before I can give you an answer." She looked at Darcy and then, unable to face him directly, focused her gaze on the window behind him. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and her voice, and continued, "Simply put, Mr. Darcy. My youngest sister, Lydia, eloped last summer with George Wickham. My father and uncle traced them as far as London but have not recovered her, nor have we heard from her since. My family has been shunned by its neighbours, to the extent that Jane and I have taken residence with my aunt and uncle since Christmas. It is, in every way, too horrible and painful to contemplate."
Darcy was stunned by the magnitude of the disaster facing him and Elizabeth. He could see the pain in her eyes as she rose and, with an obvious effort at self control, spoke, "Mr. Darcy I will quite understand should you wish to reconsider any interest you might harbour. Your family should not, could not be expected to bear the taint…"
"Please, Elizabeth, do not say such." He interrupted. It is doubtful whether either of them was sensible of his breach of propriety. He tried to gather his thoughts. Wickham again! He needed to think. Elizabeth could only see his countenance. It seemed frozen and hard; a frown suggested his disapproval, disdain. Finally, words seemed to be wrenched from him. "Miss Elizabeth, please sit. I need to collect my thoughts which are all confusion at the moment. I know not what words to offer you for comfort and would not wish to burden you with my hopes for a better resolution that would seem to require your thanks. I must depart now but would like to call on you Monday next. I am to Portsmouth today to see off my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam, whom you met at Rosings Park. He and his regiment are to sail tomorrow to join Wellesley in Portugal."
Elizabeth remembered the amiable Colonel and, gathering her composure, much shaken by his indication of a further call, answered, "I would be pleased to see you again Mr. Darcy. Please extend my wishes to Colonel Fitzwilliam for a safe voyage and that he return to his family alive and well."
Darcy assured her he would pass her message to the Colonel, after which he took his leave. Once he was out of the door, Elizabeth collapsed on her chair. Mrs. Gardiner entered the room and perceiving Elizabeth's distress, instructed a maid to bring tea and some biscuits. While awaiting the refreshments, she directed the conversation to a discussion of her children's antics so as to dissipate the tension. Finally, tea was delivered, the door closed and privacy ensured. She then turned to Elizabeth and asked, "I am here now, Lizzy. What is the matter?"
"Aunt, Mr. Darcy has asked me to be allowed to call on Monday."
"Do I assume that you both have resolved the many issues between you?"
Elizabeth was thoughtful before replying, "I do not know if we have resolved all the issues, but I think we have made a start. Before I told him about Lydia, he expressed a desire for us to come to know each other much better," Elizabeth looked at her aunt in some confusion. "Then I told him about Lydia and expected him to express his regrets and depart as soon as possible. Instead, he asked to call on Monday. I do not understand him at all. His features seemed hard, disdainful when I related the news but he asked to call. But he did not reject me. I do not understand."
Her aunt looked at her and replied, "I think there is much more to that young man than you give him credit for, Lizzy. Could it be that he was thinking about Wickham's role? You must appreciate his feelings toward him. Now I must apprise your uncle of these circumstances. I am sure he will want to be here when Mr. Darcy calls on Monday. It was all I could do to get him to go to his office this morning. He was quite interested in your young man."
"He is not my young man, Aunt!"
"I beg to differ, Lizzy. If he was not, he would have made polite excuses and you would never see him again." With this, Mrs. Gardiner left to arrange lunch and send a note to her husband.
Darcy returned to his house and began the process of discovering Lydia. He had determined on doing so during his ride home. Lord _ was chairman of the organization which collected and disbursed funds to homes that assisted young women left destitute, unwed mothers and other distressed, unprotected young women. Darcy and his father had contributed to the organization for years. He should be able to get a list of the homes to which funds had been supplied. He had no idea how many such places existed, but, with the address and the name of the director of each, he would canvas them all, though it could take some time. A note to Lord _ was quickly drafted and given to a footman to deliver.
That task completed, he considered calling on Mrs. Younge, but it was now too late for that. He would call on her tomorrow. For now, he would have to consider how he could be in Elizabeth's company other than calling on the Gardiners.
His mind then turned to how he would conduct the search. Secrecy was necessary. No one could know for whom he was searching nor, if he found her, could Lydia's presence be known. He would have to secrete her here at Darcy House. As his thoughts continued along these lines, they gradually became focused on Elizabeth. His desire, his need for her, was unabated. Lydia must be recovered, else it might be a year or more before he could pursue her and would she be willing to wait after he had treated her so abominably?
