Wednesday March 3, 1813 – Pemberley

The morning was overcast with a grey sky but somewhat milder temperatures. It had rained overnight but the pathways did not appear to be unwalkable. As they began their walk, Elizabeth considered her thoughts from the previous night. Speaking carefully she began, "The first time I saw you, I thought 'what a handsome man' and then when we were first introduced to Mr. Bingley and yourself, you barely acknowledged our existence, turned and walked away from us. Later you insulted me personally and then, by implication, every other woman in the room except Mr. Bingley's sisters. Do you remember your words because I cannot forget them – 'She is tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me, and I am in no humour at present to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.' And 'there is not another woman in the room with whom it would not be a punishment to me to stand up.' As the evening progressed, you gave every impression of holding all of us in contempt, as below you, unworthy of even the slightest consideration from you. That evening laid the foundation for my disapprobation and coloured all of our subsequent dealings. I have managed to look past your behaviour but it still puzzles me exceedingly, even now. Why? How could you have been so arrogant, disdainful, even cruel to people who wished only to think well of you? On a personal basis, I suspect you have no idea how hurtful your words were to a young woman of just twenty years who, by no means, believed herself to be a beauty! I am concerned, if you will, that that man will somehow reappear."

Darcy could sense the hurt that underlay Elizabeth's question. She may have been able to forgive his behaviour but clearly she had not forgotten. First, he had to apologize for the personal insult, "I was wrong to speak so. Very wrong! It was not long before I found you to be one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance. I also owe you an apology for the incivility of expressing such sentiments in such a public setting."

Darcy walked on, head bowed in thought. He spoke not for several minutes until Elizabeth feared he would say no more. She could feel a twinge of anger and tried to suppress it. Fortunately, Darcy continued as though there were no interruption.

"The question of 'why' speaks to the heart of my character. The easy answer is that I was worried about Georgiana, since Ramsgate was only a month or two in the past and she was still suffering from Wickham's cruelty. Another factor is that I have always been extremely uncomfortable in crowds, particularly when I know few, if any, of the people – I simply did not want to be there that night. Also Bingley, who is like a brother to me, can be, on occasion, the most annoying and persistent individual and that night, given the first two conditions I mentioned, I spoke with no intent, no consideration other than to get him to desist in bothering me. That would be the easy answer." He paused and looked at Elizabeth. He saw no absolution in her eyes and he shook his head, "That would be the obvious answer and one that contains some truth but it would be a very incomplete one."

His walking pace had slowed as he considered how best to express his thoughts. He looked up and noticed that the path divided up ahead. "I think we should take the left fork since it will keep us in sight of the house. For your protection, we need to observe the basic proprieties. I would not have your reputation harmed in any form."

"I thank you, sir, but hope you are not trying to deflect my question."

Darcy laughed, "Hardly, Miss Elizabeth. I know well enough that you will not be persuaded to relinquish it. I am simply trying to find the proper words. Last summer I faced this same question from my cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam. The answer I found then is, I believe, still correct. I had been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son, and for many years an only child, I was spoiled by my parents who, though good themselves (my father particularly was all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing, to care for none beyond my own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world, to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared to my own. Such I was from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still be, if not for you. You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you I was properly humbled. I came to you in Hunsford without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased."

"Had you then persuaded yourself that I should accept?"

"Indeed I had! What will you think of my vanity? I believed you to be wishing, expecting my addresses."

"My manners must have been at fault, though not intentionally, I assure you. I never meant to mislead but my spirits oftentimes lead me wrong. How you must have hated me after that evening."

"Hate you! No! I was angry at first perhaps but my anger very soon took a proper direction."

"Mr. Darcy, I am puzzled by one aspect of your behaviour. Do you present as forbidding a countenance when attending balls or in society when in London?"

Darcy considered her question carefully, "Truly Miss Bennet, it depends. When I am in company of friends I suspect my behaviour is a little more amiable. After all, I was not too forbidding at Netherfield during your sojourn there, was I?"

"Except when I and Mrs Long shared a similar experience, I would admit you were not quite as forbidding."

"Mrs. Long?"

"We both were in your company for a full half hour without a word being said, she at the assembly and I in the Netherfield library."

"I have no recollection of Mrs. Long but I can assure you that not only did I spend the half hour not speaking, I don't believe I read a single page of my book."

"Why did you not speak?"

"I was trying to ensure that you had no expectations. Little did I know you probably welcomed the silence and would have been even happier if I were not there at all."

"Let us not relive such poor memories." Elizabeth looked at Darcy, "on what does your behaviour at balls depend?"

"I am required to accept invitations to many balls held by family or friends. In their company I tend to find it much easier to converse; however, one cannot be forever in such company at a ball. I came into society at about the same time my father died; I became one of the favourite objects of every match-making mother in society. If you remember the Meryton Assembly, I doubt I was in the room for a quarter hour before I heard the words 'ten thousand a year' and 'Pemberley estate'. I have been pursued in this fashion for over five years. I adopted that countenance to discourage such advances where possible."

They walked on in silence for a short distance until Darcy turned to face Elizabeth, "I trust, Miss Elizabeth, that I have answered your question satisfactorily. As to whether that man who first made your acquaintance will re-emerge, I should not speak on my own behalf. Truly, I believe he has vanished."

Elizabeth found her anger had dissipated completely. "I believe, Mr. Darcy, that you have indeed answered all my questions. Perhaps more fully than I had anticipated. I know it could not have been easy for you to do so. "

Darcy nodded and they walked in silence for a few minutes until Elizabeth quirked an eyebrow at him, "I believe sir, that the opportunity to ask a question is now yours. Ask away, sir and I will endeavour to answer."

"While I was delighted to encounter you most unexpectedly in London, I admit I was also puzzled. It appeared to me that you and your sister were living with the Gardiners, rather than simply visiting. I cannot tell you why I reached that conclusion but you seemed more like their daughters than guests. If my conclusion is correct, how and why did it come about?"

"You would not accept the simple answer that we had long desired to partake of London society?" Seeing Darcy's negative shake of the head, she gave a rueful smile, "I thought not." She rubbed her hands together as though to get some warmth into her fingers. "I think we should begin to return now." With which she abruptly turned and began to retrace her steps. Surprised, Darcy was quick to catch her up.

"When we received the news that Lydia had eloped, my family expected to hear from her shortly about her marriage. Even Jane, to whom I had imparted your dealings with Wickham, had such hopes. I did not and knew our family's reputation was ruined. My expectations were met, unfortunately. I anticipated the censure that we experienced and the extent to which my parents had failed us was borne upon me. The criticisms in your letter were hurtful but true. The behaviour of my mother and two youngest sisters was such as to warrant the greatest concern. It was my father's duty, his responsibility to control such behaviour and he would not, preferring to tease, ridicule and laugh at them and be concerned with his own peace and quiet rather than his family's reputation. I had begged him to keep Lydia home, to not allow her to go to Brighton, but he would not. He would not see that her behaviour, her want of sense – indeed her wildness - could lead to a wanton disregard of propriety. If not with Wickham, then with some other man - equally unprincipled."

She looked at Darcy. "Our lives became a torture to bear, particularly for Jane and myself. Our father, who perhaps should bear the greater part of the responsibility for our distress, was the least affected, since society had never held much of his interest. He simply retired to his study and ignored the world as he had always done. I think I began to resent him. I know I could no longer enjoy sharing the privacy of his study and I suspect he knew why, although he said nothing. Nor could I pretend to share his disparaging comments of my mother and sisters. The cost of his negligence had become much too dear."

Elizabeth considered how best to explain her feelings. "I had two examples of men who accepted and acted upon their responsibilities, yourself and my Uncle Gardiner. I was, of course, much less familiar with you but from what little I could observe, you were assiduous in handling your business concerns (as Miss Bingley once noted), you are obviously a concerned and devoted brother to your sister, and finally, I sense a dedicated and careful manager of your estate. My uncle I am much more familiar with and he possesses those attributes that I would wish in a father or a husband. He would not neglect his estate such that it was less productive than it could be, does not permit my aunt (if she were so inclined which she is not) to overspend and waste the family income, he does not neglect the upbringing of his children, nor does he slight or disparage his wife. Quite the contrary, in fact. My father is not responsible for the entail that binds Longbourn, but he is responsible for the fact that his daughters have no dowry and most have less sense than the veriest goose. He could not take the trouble to economize and provide for his wife should he die before her, nor would he ensure a proper training of his daughters instead of leaving it in the hands of a woman of little education and poor understanding. As a consequence, she has felt the fiercest need to find husbands for her daughters and to provide for herself should she be widowed. My mother has little sense but I doubt she would have pushed a match between Mr. Collins and me, if it were not for a fear for her future. My father supported my refusal but it should not have been necessary in the first instance, if he had taken the least trouble to redirect Mr. Collins' attention to my sister Mary who might have made him a decent wife."

"You were always close to him though, were you not?"

"Yes, I was his favourite. Perhaps most like him in those respects that he cherished, intelligence, love of books, and a willingness to discuss the import of what we read. He taught me, guided me as I grew up. I love my father, but it is difficult now to respect his behaviour." She looked up at Darcy. "I tell you this in confidence. I would never want to say as much to my father."

"Of course."

"The censure of our neighbours was a concern of course. You must understand the position in which Jane and I found ourselves. We were both of marriageable age and had come to realize that there were few, if any, eligible gentlemen amongst our neighbours to whom we could wish to be attached. We both wished to be married to men we could respect and esteem and who would return that respect and esteem. We did not expect such as this." And she waved her hand to indicate Pemberley and its grounds. "A modest but respectable living would suffice. But even that seemed to be denied us in Hertfordshire. When our Aunt and Uncle Gardiner visited us last Christmas, we asked if we could move to live with them. They understood our distress and persuaded our father to let us join their household. None of us really anticipated that Jane would marry so quickly nor so well. She is truly happy, I think."

They walked on in companionable silence for several minutes until she looked up at Darcy. "Well then, Mr. Darcy, have I answered your question?"

"Indeed Miss Bennet. I presume then that you were not chasing me to London?"

Elizabeth glanced quickly at him and the small smile on his countenance sufficed to tell her that he was teasing. "Vanity, sir! Vanity!" They both laughed and continued to walk towards the manor house. "Truly, I had no expectations whatsoever of ever meeting you again. I thought the societies in which we each moved to be so very far apart as to preclude such an encounter. I hope that I do not feed your pride too greatly when I admit that our meeting has given me much pleasure."

"What did I once say 'pride – where there was a real superiority of mind – will always be under good regulation.' How insufferably pompous I was then."

"I will not dispute your conclusion, Mr. Darcy." With a smile she ran up the steps to the entrance and into the main hall. Handing her outerwear to a footman, she turned to Darcy and inquired, "Now sir, you must direct me to the dining room. I have a hunger that is barely under good regulation at the moment." Darcy laughed - drawing a surreptitious and surprised glance from Reynolds, his butler - and offered Elizabeth his arm saying, "Let me be your guide then. I find I have a hunger that exceeds even my pride."

They entered the dining room in good spirits and found themselves to be the first to partake. Georgiana joined them shortly thereafter and they planned those activities which would occupy their attention for the remainder of the day.

Elizabeth had spent the morning after breakfast exploring the house in company with Georgiana and Mrs. Reynolds who, by virtue of more than twenty years experience as housekeeper, had conducted countless tours for visitors and knew much of the recent history. Georgiana added a personal perspective from incidents related to her by her brother and father. If Mrs. Reynolds was particular in her attentions to Elizabeth as the prospective future Mistress of Pemberley, it was not readily apparent to either young woman. Elizabeth, for her part, found little to criticize and much to admire in respect of furnishings. As was the case with Darcy House, an elegant simplicity in style was married with functionality and quality to produce a comfortable place for people to live and, if some rooms were a little dated in style, the defect was not such as to necessitate urgent changes. Elizabeth noted and commented accordingly and her sensible attitude was clearly appreciated by Mrs. Reynolds, who could find no fault with her master's apparent choice of a bride.

Darcy joined them for luncheon and solicited Georgiana's help to outfit Elizabeth with a riding habit. Georgiana's enthusiasm was infectious and as soon as they finishing eating she and Elizabeth repaired to Georgiana's rooms to search through her wardrobe. After a search of an hour they were able to find garments that would fit Elizabeth. Darcy was informed that they would join him in a half hour at the stables.

While awaiting the ladies, Darcy consulted with the Stable Master to select an appropriate horse for Elizabeth. They settled on a mare of eleven years and fourteen hands high. She was of a gentle disposition and suitable for an inexperienced rider and had, in fact, been Georgiana's first full sized horse after graduating from ponies.

"Oh, you are going to have Elizabeth ride Sugar." Georgiana turned to Elizabeth, "I rode Sugar for several years and you will love her. Give her a carrot and she will follow you everywhere."

"She is smaller than our farm horses. I won't have so far to fall at least."

Darcy smiled encouragingly, "Rest assured, I will not let you fall. We will spend the first little while letting you get used to riding her and will stay here in this paddock." Getting Georgiana's attention, he suggested, "Georgiana, why don't you saddle Susan to accompany Elizabeth while I walk and guide Sugar. Have Mr. Henson saddle Ben for me."

Darcy turned to Elizabeth, "I have a carrot. Why don't you introduce yourself to Sugar before we get you mounted." Elizabeth approach the horse with a carrot in her palm and, after it had been gobbled up, stroked the horse's nose and patted her neck. Sugar snuffled and then gently butted Elizabeth in the chest. "Asking for another carrot." laughed Darcy. "Maybe tomorrow, Sugar."

Darcy led the horse towards the mounting block and assisted Elizabeth to mount, adjusting the stirrups as necessary. Handing her the reins, he led the horse towards and into the paddock, noting Elizabeth's posture and suggesting such changes as were necessary to ensure her comfort and feeling of security. Georgiana joined them, riding a grey gelding and leading a tall black gelding. Releasing his grasp of Sugar's reins, Darcy mounted his horse and with Elizabeth on Sugar between them, Georgiana and Darcy completed several circuits of the paddock at a walking pace.

"Elizabeth, you look fairly comfortable on Sugar. Your posture is good which is most important. Are you ready to go a little faster?"

Elizabeth was indeed feeling comfortable and rather bored by the slow pace. "I think a slightly faster pace would be delightful."

Darcy and Georgiana increased the pace to a slow trot after instructing Elizabeth on the appropriate signals to get Sugar to respond. Seeing that she was doing quite well, Darcy led them out of the paddock and on to the grounds for a short distance, letting Elizabeth get familiar with handling her horse.

Darcy was keeping a careful watch on Elizabeth and could see that her posture was showing signs of fatigue. "I think we should return now, Elizabeth. You have been riding for about an hour and I suspect you will feel some soreness tonight." They returned to the stables. Darcy assisted his sister to dismount and turning to Elizabeth, placed his hands around her waist and lifted her down. Elizabeth had instinctively placed her hands on his arms and was disconcerted by the contact and his nearness once her feet touched the ground. Never had a man held and lifted her in this fashion and she wondered if she would ever stop blushing when in close proximity to Mr. Darcy. Looking up, she was frozen by the look in his eyes and they stood there, gazing at each other until Georgiana's cough brought them back to reality. Darcy quickly dropped his hands and stepped back. Obviously embarrassed at his behaviour in front of his sister, he gestured to them to walk to the house and deliberately ignored Georgiana's smirk. "Miss Elizabeth! Please excuse my behaviour just now. It was most improper."

Elizabeth shook her head, "If my pardon is required, sir, it is most willing given." A most unladylike snort was heard from Georgiana which prompted a teasing response from Elizabeth, "Georgiana, are you feeling well? You have been coughing and snorting. I hope you are not ill." This was vehemently denied by Georgiana who quickly changed the subject and praised Elizabeth's riding. "I think you should not need too many lessons, to become a competent rider, Elizabeth. Will we ride again tomorrow, Brother?"

"Yes, weather permitting. I would like to venture a little further afield if Miss Elizabeth is willing."

Chatting comfortably they proceeded into the house and to their respective rooms to bathe and rest. The meal and evening passed in quiet comfort. Jane and Stovall joined them for dinner and Darcy and Stovall repaired to the billiards room afterwards for a quiet hour before rejoining the ladies in the music room. The newlyweds again retired early while Elizabeth and Georgiana amused themselves and Darcy with a wide ranging medley of Irish, Scottish and English ballads. Even Darcy was persuaded to join in singing Greensleeves. Elizabeth accompanied Georgiana to her rooms for girl talk, leaving Darcy feeling quite deserted. However it only took Elizabeth's smile and expressed wish to see him in the morning for their walk to buoy his mood and he wished them pleasant dreams.