Riddle marrie, its time for tea!


Arkham held many odd and unusual rogues inside it's walls. They all had their difference or idiosyncrasies too.

Jervis Tecth and Edward Nigma had one in particular that would often effect them on a day to day basis, Jervis more so then Edward, especially after Strange got to him.

Quietly the two of them sat in their cells, Edward reading a riddle book and laughing at how easy it was, Jervis sitting in his cell reading Alice in Wonderland as usual.

All was fine, it seemed until he came.

The guard that had to watch both of them in their cells, the one guard that both of them hated with a passion because he would always laugh at them, laugh at their gimmicks saying they weren't scary of they were pathetic and that he was better then them.

They never bit, they always kept quiet and simply glared a glare that told him to shut up but no he would never listen to that glare and continue.

Honestly it was becoming ridiculous now.

"Oh how I wish the jaborwoch would snap you up like a fish," Jervis muttered under his breath as the guard took his position. "It would make reading so much nicer, but you sir are louder then a…" Jervis trailed off. "Edward, dear dormouse good friend, what on earth should I put on the end?"

"Dear, Hatter from me to you I have nothing to say on the matter," Edward looked up from his book and grinned slightly. "Your voice under neath his is merely a patter."

"Dear, dear me, this cannot be," Jervis grinned as he put his book down. "Oh look it's almost time for tea!"

"Which tea, though Jervis? It's simply an important matter, maybe served on a silver platter?"

"Oh yes, yes of course, what else would be better? Maybe we need to wait to sit outside, my, my have you seen the weather?"

"Oh yes, of course, tis raining by the mile," Edward looked up at the guard and smirked. "Dear sir, won't you give us your usual smile?"

The guard glared down at him. "I thought Joker was the one about the smiling, not you Nigma, or have you finally gone crazy?"

"Never crazy."

"Just mad."

"Mad as a hatter."

"Maybe madder."

"Do you two ever shut up!?" the Guard snapped.

"Shut up, such rude verse," Jervis giggled quietly before he looked back up at him. "But I'm afraid dear sir we can be much worse."

"Maybe we should start with a different verse?" Edward grinned as he looked up at the guard too. "Maybe one that we can make worse?"

"Ah yes, but which one? One two of three? A hat-trick of this speaking game is seems, we'll soon have his mind bursting at the seams."

"No you won't… you… you… shut up both of you!"

"Why what will you do?"

"You'll both be in the infirm by the time I'm through!"

Jervis and Edward burst out laughing, Jervis fell of the bed, clutching his stomach as he was doubled over in a laughing fit, Edward wasn't far behind him as he clutch his stomach and sat up laughing.

"What are you laughing? I didn't say anything funny."

"Oh for that trick, we deserve some money," Jervis giggled. "Dear, dormouse care for a trip down memory lane? Where they strapped us down and declared us quite insane."

"Where do they get these ideas I wonder? It's enough to make a man's psychi plunder."

"Oh but plundering is for fools I say, why, let us not forget that on day, or night, but do you remember the story as old as time, the one where Alice lost her mind?"

"How can one loose something they never had to begin with? Did you not see the madness within?"

"What on earth are you two fools babbling on about?"

"Oh silly guard don't you see? You're mad! You're mad, you're just like me!"

"What?" the guard span around and stared at the both of them. "I'm not mad, I'm not crazy, you're the one's who's crazy."

"Crazy? Oh, no, no, no, no! Not crazy at all you see-."

"Mad! Yeah I know, you've told me!"

"But it's clear to see, that you've not listened, oh dear, oh dear me."

"Now, now, Jervis, let's play fair," Edward looked up at him and grinned. "Or else this poor fool will be tearing out his hair."

"Hare? Oh but dear dormouse he's mad as one! Mad as a mad march hare!"

"Ah yes, how could I forget such an obvious thing?"

"No worries, dear dormouse, it happens to me all the time, unless my dear Alice just gives me a ring."

"Let's not get carried away here."

"Oh yes it will make him disappear."

"When the game has only just begun."

"Oh dear sir, stay and have some fun," Jervis pressed his face against the glass and grinned up at him with haunted eyes as he studied him, his grin stretching across his face as he hissed. "Come here once more and then you'll find, how little Alice lost her mind."

"You two are really starting to creep me out.." the guard trailed off as he stared at the both of them, backing up quickly as the two looked at him smirking.

"Tea time, tea time, it's time for tea."

"And then we'll make you mad," Edward joined in as he smirked.

"As mad as me," Jervis finished with a grin before he began to chuckle to himself and press against the glass as he laughed away.

The guard stared at the both of them, he didn't understand most of what they said at all, all he knew was he needed to get out of here, get away from the two crazy insane rhyming maniacs in front of him.

Edward and Jervis grinned equally back at him as he seemed to back up.

"Don't worry good sir," Jervis beamed and Edward grinned back laughing.

"There's always plenty of room for new inmates in here."

After that day, the guard handed in his notice and he never came back to Arkham.

THE END.


Note: Hey guys! I'm really sorry this has taken me so long but I suck at rhyming and I could never seem to get it right plus I've been having some family issues to still deal with as well as a few other little problems but here we go!

I do apologise if the rhyming sucks but like I said I suck at rhyming.

Also, because I am so behind, requests are now closed. I will catch up as quick as possible, and then.. well I will probably start After Arkham story.