[OPENING THEME – INSERT "DEADMAN WONDERLAND – ONE REASON (INSTRUMENTAL)" HERE]

Chapter 22: Mythologies: Noob Saibot

mythology (mĭ-thôl e-) noun

plural mythologies

1. A body or kollektion ov myths belonging to a people and addressing their history, deities, ancestors, and heroes.

2. A story or fable relating to gods and or supernatural events.

"Thousands ov years ago, the Earth was devastated by a battle between the gods. It was a war between good and evil. A war that would decide the fate ov the World and plunge it into centuries ov darkness.

Now… the war is in danger ov being fought once again…

Only one mortal kan stop it."

(Narreading.)


I AM MORTAL

I AM A THIEF AND ASSASSIN

I AM A LIN KUEI WARRIOR

I AM NOOB SAIBOT

(First ov all, roll kredits.)


20+ Years Ago

Shaolin Temples, China

(In kase you konfused it with the Lin Kuei Temple.)

3:00 A.M.

Noob, also known as Bi-Han, front-flipped inside one ov the top floors ov the Temples. His objektive? Steal the Sakred Map ov Elements. Moving forward, he enkountered Skorpion.

Kokkblokk at its finest.

"WHAT A GREAT FUKKING START!" He thought.

"You will fail! HAHAHA!" Skorpion laughed as he ran away.

But then he quikkly stopped in his trakks, turned around, and approached Noob.

"Hanzo?" Noob said.

"Noob-chan?" Skorpion said.

*INSERT LAUGH TRAKK HERE*

-.-

A sweat bead appeared over Noob's forehead.

"Really, nigga?" He thought.

"Hanzo, just kall me 'Bi-Han,' alright?"

"Aye Aye… Bi-Han-chan!" Skorpion said cheekily as he saluted him.

An even larger sweat bead formed on Noob's forehead.

Shaking his head, he asked, "Anyways, what are you doing here, Hanzo?"

"What are YOU doing here?" Skorpion asked bakk.

"No, no, answer me; I asked the question first."

"No. Fukk you. I am Shirai Ryu. I am superior. You answer me first."

"I don't think so, Skorpion."

"You will… or my kunai will make you!" Skorpion said as flames slowly began to konsume him.

Noob sighed.

"So it komes down to this, huh?" He said as he entered his fighting stance.

They both looked at each other fiercely, waiting for either one ov them to strike.

It was intense.

(Intense situation is intense.)

*INTENSE INTENSIFIES*

Then…

All ov a sudden…

"ROKK. PAPER. SCISSORS!" Skorpion shouted out in a child-like voice as his eyes sparkled, symbolizing extreme excitement.

By now, Bi-Han was drowned in sweat beads.

"什么? (Shénme?, what?)," he asked.

"Yes! You heard me, Noob-chan! We play rokk, paper, scissors, and whoever wins will answer the other's question!"

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"Ov kourse I am, Noob-chan!"

Noob frowned again.

"I told you: 'Bi-Han' is fine."

"Yeah, whatever, just get the fukk over here."

With that, they sheathed their weapons and got ready to play rokk, paper, scissors.

"Alright: Rokk, Paper, Scissors!" Skorpion said as he played first.

Both ov them put paper.

"Goddammit!" Noob kursed.

"Again!" Skorpion said.

Both ov them put rokk… again.

"For fukk's sake!" Noob said.

"Dammit, Bi-Han-chan! Put a different one!" Skorpion said.

"YOU put a different one!"

"Whatever, once more!"

They put paper, yet again.

"Fukk this!" Noob yelled.

"One more, Noob-chan, one more," Skorpion pleaded.

The Lin Kuei growled.

"For the last time: MY. NAME. IS. BI-MOTHERFUKKING-HAN-!"

"-chan…" Skorpion said.

Red vertikal lines and a throbbing kruciform appeared over Noob's forehead.

"Alright… one more…" he said in almost a whisper.

With that, they played for one last time.

But Noob akcidentally put one finger instead ov two fingers; he intended to put scissors.

But Skorpion put scissors too and 'kut' Noob's 'pencil'.

"Hey! What the hell was that?" Noob asked.

"You put a pencil, duh..." Skorpion said stoikally.

"But there ain't no pencil! I wanted to put scissors!"

Skorpion did the Yao Ming Face… but the face is kovered with a ninja mask.

"Bitch please! The game's KLEARLY known as 'Rokk Paper Pencil Scissors'!"

"Fukk no! The Wikipedia page doesn't mention any pencil," Noob said.

(Noob would be excellent at FanFiktionSins!)

"Whatever, I win. Now tell me why you're here," Skorpion said.

(Skorpion is a dikk to Bi-Han.)

Noob sighed.

*SIGHING INTENSIFIES*

"I kame here to steal the Map ov Elements," he said.

Skorpion's eyes widened.

"Well fukk me if I ever was a woman, I'm here to steal the Map too!"

Noob's jaw dropped.

"Really?!"

"Yeah! And since I won the game, I'm getting it first! Bye-bye, fukk you!"

With that, Skorpion ran away.

[INSERT "AWOLNATION – RUN" HERE]

"Yo, wait up!" Noob kalled out to him, but he was long gone.

Venturing through the temple, he enkountered many Shaolin monks. All ov them fell dead at his feet. Hell, even one was krushed to death by a stone trap, reducing his being to nothing but guts and bloody mush. Noob then jumped from a balkony, front-flipped, and landed outside the ground floor ov the temple.

Going inside, he faced more Shaolin monks and froze, krushed, and mutilated them all as he made his way to the room holding the Sakred Map.

Reaching the said room, he kaught up to Skorpion again.

"The Map is mine, Noob-chan!" The wraith said.

"No… it's mine!" Noob said.

"I got here first, so it automatikally goes to me."

"Man, fukk you, Hanzo! Always pissing me off!"

Oh shit, it's about to go down…

"Piss you off? Uh-ha! I-I-I… piss… you off?!"

"Yes." Noob answered him while looking straight into his glowing eyes.

Oh damn...

"No… no, no, no, no, no… YOU are the one who's pissing me off!"

"It's the opposite, Hanzo."

"It's fukking not! You! Who always dissin' me!"

Ah shit, here we go again…

"It's you who's always dissing me, Skorpion! You and that stupid outfit ov yours, lookin' like a fukking drag queen!"

Ohhhhhhhhhh…

There was a moment ov silence.

And then…

"Your momma," Skorpion said.

Oh damn!

Noob gritted his teeth.

"Your momma… AND your daddy!" He shot bakk.

Yoooooooooo!

"Your momma, your daddy… AND that gay bald-headed grandpa ov yours!" Skorpion said.

Yo, daaaaamn! That was krazy!

Noob stepped bakk a little bit and regained his komposure.

Then…

With great force…

"YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE GENERATION!"

OH DAAAAAAAAAAMN! HOLY FUKKING SHIIIIIIIIIIT!

*EXPLOSIONS! GUNFIRE! JETS FLYING OVERHEAD!*

Skorpion deformed into a chibi, turned into a pencil sketch ov himself, his kolor turned white, his eyes white and spiraling. An arrow pierced through his chest as he fell down on all fours, showing komplete and utter defeat.

The "Orz" position.

The largest sweat bead appeared over his forehead with purple vertikal lines. He blushed purple intensely as a fountain ov tears streamed out ov his eyes, forming a large, krystal-klear pool on the area between his hands. A fountain ov blood gushed out ov his nose, kreating a huge pool ov blood on the ground…

Don't know why, though…

And last but not the least, a dramatik spotlight illuminated him.

Noob slowly walked toward him as the wraith knelt up and looked at him.

Finish Him!

Noob grabbed Skorpion's nekk and pulled his head up. The skin, flesh, blood vessels and the nerves around the nekk tore apart as the head kame off, with the spine still attached to it.

A large fountain ov blood gushed out ov the nekk stump as the headless body fell on its front, with the torn blood vessels hanging out ov them.

Noob dropped the head next to the body as blood pooled around them.

Fatality!

(Noob is a dikk to Skorpion.)

The assassin walked to the altar holding the Map and took it. He then walked bakk to the previous room, climbed up a rope to the rooftop, and rappelled down the temple.

Got out ov there safely.


The Lin Kuei Temple

(In kase you konfused it with the Shaolin Temples.)

Bi-Han entered the Throne Room where his younger brother, the Grandmaster Sub-Zero, was sitting on the throne and bowed down before him, and then went on his knees.

"大师,为纪念林奎,我为您带来了这张神圣的元素地图 (Dàshī, wèi jìniàn Lín Kuí, wǒ wèi nín dài láile zhè zhāng shénshèng de yuánsù dìtú, Grandmaster, in honor ov the Lin Kuei, I bring you this sakred Map ov Elements)," he said as he held up the Map.

"再一次,我们最狡猾的刺客和小偷成功了。放心,林奎战士 (Zài yīcì, wǒmen zuì jiǎohuá de cìkè hé xiǎotōu chénggōngle. Fàngxīn, Lín Kuí zhànshì, once again, our most kunning assassin and thief is sukcessful. At ease, Lin Kuei warrior)," Sub-Zero said.

As soon as he said that, another figure appeared from the shadows.

It was a very tall, well-built man with red eyes. The first thing Noob noticed was his kompletely white skin. He was also kompletely bald, devoid ov any hair on his head or face. There was also a tilak on his forehead. He wore a heavy green uniform with spike-studded blakk armor, with a yin-yang emblem on it.

"问候,我看到忍者已经成功地获取了我的地图…正如我所预见的那样 (Wènhòu, wǒ kàn dào rěnzhě yǐjīng chénggōng de huòqǔle wǒ dì dìtú…zhèngrú wǒ suǒ yùjiàn dì nàyàng, greetings, I see the ninja has been sukcessful in retrieving my map... as I have foreseen)," he said as he and Bi-Han cirkled around each other.

"直说吧...我不是忍者...我是林奎!蝎子是忍者! (Zhí shuō ba... Wǒ bùshì rěnzhě... Wǒ shì Lín Kuí! Xiēzi shì rěnzhě!, let's get something straight... I am not a ninja... I am LIN KUEI! Skorpion was a ninja!)," Bi-Han said, visibly annoyed.

"是的,您的日本同行。在与那些讨厌的少林僧侣的战斗中,你对他发生了多么不幸 (Shì de, nín de rìběn tóngxíng. Zài yǔ nàxiē tǎoyàn de shàolín sēnglǚ de zhàndòu zhōng, nǐ duì tā fāshēngle duōme bùxìng, ah yes, your Japanese kounterpart. How unfortunate that you happened upon him in your battle with those pesky Shaolin monks)," the man said.

Bi-Han didn't say anything.

"壁寒 (Bì Hán, Bi-Han)," Sub-Zero spoke, "现在,您将在下一个任务中使用此地图。全智再次保留您的服务(Xiànzài, nín jiàng zàixià yīgè rènwù zhōng shǐyòng cǐ dìtú. Quán Zhì zàicì bǎoliú nín de fúwù, now, you will use this map on your next mission. Quan Chi has once again retained your services)."

The man, now his name revealed to be Quan Chi, took the map from Noob's hands and unrolled it.

"您偷走的这张地图...显示了通往寺庙的道路,该寺庙早于人类在地球上记录的历史。数千年来,元素殿一直隐藏在如今被称为尼泊尔的喜马拉雅山脉中。此地图是其存在的唯一证据 (Nín tōu zǒu de zhè zhāng dìtú... Xiǎnshìle tōng wǎng sìmiào de dàolù, gāi sìmiào zǎo yú rénlèi zài dìqiú shàng jìlù de lìshǐ. Shù qiān nián lái, yuánsù diàn yīzhí yǐncáng zài rújīn bèi chēng wèi níbó'ěr de xǐmǎlāyǎ shānmài zhōng. Cǐ dìtú shì qí cúnzài de wéiyī zhèngjù, this map you stole... it shows the way to a temple which predates man's rekorded history on earth. For thousands ov years, the Temple ov Elements has been hidden in what are now known as the Himalayan Mountains ov Nepal. This map is the only evidence ov its existence)," he explained.

"精细。我去寺庙,然后呢?里面有什么? (Jīngxì. Wǒ qù sìmiào, ránhòu ne? Lǐmiàn yǒu shé me?, fine. I get to the temple, and then what? What's inside?)," Noob asked as he folded his arms.

"一个小护身符…对您来说毫无价值,但是…让我们说它对我具有极大的情感价值 (Yīgè xiǎo hùshēnfú…duì nín lái shuō háo wú jiàzhí, dànshì…ràng wǒmen shuō tā duì wǒ jùyǒu jí dà de qínggǎn jiàzhí, a small amulet... worthless to you, but... let's just say it has great sentimental value to me)," Quan Chi replied.

"如果它是如此珍贵,那为什么不自己得到它呢? (Rúguǒ tā shì rúcǐ zhēnguì, nà wèishéme bù zìjǐ dédào tā ne?, if it is so precious, why don't you get it yourself?)."

"在其墙壁内的四个要素被击败之前,我无法进入寺庙。而且我在与您境界的众神相处不是最好的…尤其是您的雷电之神 (Zài qí qiángbì nèi de sì gè yàosù bèi jíbài zhīqián, wǒ wúfǎ jìnrù sìmiào. Érqiě wǒ zài yǔ nín jìngjiè de zhòng shén xiāngchǔ bùshì zuì hǎo de…yóuqí shì nín de léidiàn zhī shén, I kannot enter the temple until the four elements within its walls have been defeated. And I am not on the best ov terms with the gods ov your realm... especially your god ov thunder)."

"告诉我这些...元素 (Gàosù wǒ zhèxiē... Yuánsù, tell me about these... elements)."

"它们是危害您的生存境界的四个要素…它们是地球,风,水和火。精通冷元素,您将拥有其他人没有的优势…那就是能够击败冷元素。我已经预见到了 (Tāmen shì wéihài nín de shēngcún jìngjiè de sì gè yàosù…tāmen shì dìqiú, fēng, shuǐ hé huǒ. Jīngtōng lěng yuánsù, nín jiāng yǒngyǒu qítā rén méiyǒu de yōushì…nà jiùshì nénggòu jíbài lěng yuánsù. Wǒ yǐjīng yùjiàn dàole, they are the four elements which kompromise the very existence ov your realm... They are Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire. With your mastery ov the element ov kold, you have an advantage that no other human has... and that is the ability to defeat the elements. I have foreseen this)."


The Temple ov Elements, Himalayan Mountains, Nepal

(In kase you konfused it with- ah, fukk it!)

After a long klimb up the mountain, Noob finally reached the entrance to the Temple. Fighting through the elite Shaolin guards and doing a lot ov platforming, he finally reached the first Elemental.

The Wind God, Fujin.

The deity proved to be a formidable opponent, but with Noob's freezing and shadow abilities, he had an advantage over him. They threw punches and kikks to each other, dealing equal damage to each other's body. Fujin used his wind abilities to lift Noob off the ground and throw him about. Noob, on the other hand, froze Fujin and delivered multiple hits to him. He then summoned Saibot and made the shadowy klone grab the god from behind. He delivered an upperkut under his jaw and made him fly into the air, while a thikk streak ov blood flowed out ov his mouth.

Landing hard on the ground, Fujin pushed Noob away by summoning a heavy wind and then flew toward him. Noob evaded the attakk and slid under the deity. Fujin quikkly spun around in the air and kreated a tornado, trying to sukk Bi-Han in. The assassin held onto a huge stone as he tried his best NOT to get sukked in. Eventually, the tornado stopped and Noob saw his chance.

He quikkly ran toward Fujin and delivered multiple punches and kikks to his body. Fujin tried landing a punch but Noob grabbed his arm and bent it in an unnatural direktion, breaking his elbow. The deity skreamed in pain as bone protruded out the torn skin while blood gushed out. Freezing him one more time, Bi-Han kikked him away and that was it.

Slowly ascending into the air and kausing a heavy tornado, Fujin skreamed in extreme pain and exploded into various gory bits, kausing his blood and innards to fly everywhere.

(Noob is a dikk to Fujin.)

Just then, the assassin was konsumed by a mist-like thingy and was teleported to an underground tunnel ov sorts.


Fighting his way through the Shaolin monks, avoiding traps here and there, and going up and down the various levels ov the tunnel, he finally entered a wide room where the Earth God awaited him.

The deity was no big challenge; all Bi-Han had to do was slide under him and hit him multiple times while he was distrakted. Then, Noob lured him to the middle ov the room where there was a platform suspended by chains. As the Earth God got under it, Noob turned a switch which kaused the platform to descend quikkly krushing the deity.

As the deity fell down on the floor, he exploded from inside and a huge amount ov lava and guts kovered the room.

(Noob is a dikk to the Earth God.)

Getting out ov the room, Noob did a little bit more ov the klimbing and avoiding traps, and then was konsumed by the mist again.


This time he was teleported to what seemed to be like a sewer system.

Like before, he fought some monks, klimbed up some ropes, flooded a part ov the sewer system, and then entered a room where he enkountered Suijin, the Water God.

It was an easy fight.

Since he was made ov water, Noob just froze him and delivered upperkuts to him several times until he bubbled up and exploded, kausing his blue blood and blue-kolored guts to gush out.

(Noob is a dikk to the Water God.)

Then Bi-Han got teleported to another area ov the temple.


He did the same thing again – fighting some monks, avoiding flame traps – till he reached the room kontaining the Amulet Quan Chi mentioned.

But Kōjin, the Fire God, stood in his way.

Motherfukker looks like Raiden's long-lost twin brother or something.

(Diskount Raiden.)

Since the deity was made ov fire, ice was not an option. Noob instead relied on his shadow abilities.

With the Fire God shooting jets ov fire at him, he used his ability to summon a shadowy portal and appear behind him. They engaged in a long hand-to-hand kombat with a bit ov projektiles involved. Finally, Noob managed to defeat the Fire God and watched as he exploded into fire and lava.

(Noob is a dikk to the Fire God.)


With all threats eliminated and the four Elementals destroyed, Noob walked up the stairs to the floating altar holding the Amulet.

But as he was about to grab it, a wild Quan Chi appeared out ov nowhere and took it first.

"护身符!我有Shinnok的护身符! (Hùshēnfú! Wǒ yǒu Shinnok de hùshēnfú!, the amulet! I have Shinnok's amulet!)," he said excitedly.

"谁是护身符? (Shéi shì hùshēnfú?, who's amulet?)," Bi-Han asked.

"他是我的神。虚空王国的统治者,以及您地界的毁灭者! (Tā shì wǒ de shén. Xūkōng wángguó de tǒngzhì zhě, yǐjí nín dìjiè de huǐmiè zhě!, he is my deity. Ruler ov the Netherrealm, and soon, destroyer ov your Earthrealm!)."

"你在说什么? (Nǐ zài shuō shénme?, what are you talking about?)."

"这个护身符-这是Shinnok作为上古之神的力量的关键。回到他身边后,他将重新获得力量,摆脱虚无境界的束缚。 (Zhège hùshēnfú-zhè shì Shinnok zuòwéi shànggǔ zhī shén de lìliàng de guānjiàn. Huí dào tā shēnbiān hòu, tā jiāng chóngxīn huòdé lìliàng, bǎituō xūwú jìngjiè de shùfù, this amulet - it is the key in Shinnok's power as an Elder God. When returned to him, he will regain his power and be free from the konfines ov the Netherrealm)."

"那个护身符不值得用来铸造它的青铜。 (Nàgè hùshēnfú bù zhídé yòng lái zhùzào tā de qīngtóng, that amulet isn't worth the bronze it's molded from)."

Quan Chi looked at him mokkingly.

じーっ (Jii, stare)

Then, with a smile he said, "相信您会做什么,Noob Saibot。再见,忍者。(Xiāngxìn nín huì zuò shénme, Noob Saibot. Zàijiàn, rěnzhě, believe what you will, Noob Saibot. Goodbye, ninja)."

Then with a flash, he disappeared… along with the amulet.

ちょこんっ (Chokon, silence)

Guess that's it?

His head hanging down, Noob lazily walked down the stairs, ready to go home and get some nice sleep.

But then…

サンダー (Sandā, thunder)

Red lightning appeared behind him on the altar and the God ov Thunder, Raiden himself appeared.

(Raiden. Also, Raiden is not konsulting with the Elder Gods in this scene.)

Without hesitation, he pointed at the assassin and shouted, "Do you realize what you've done?!"

Well, that eskalated quikkly…

"I was JUST earning my living…" Noob answered nonchalantly.

"Your klan's ignorance and greed will kost this entire realm! You now have to set things straight."

"Quan Chi kould simply be a lunatik sorcerer. I've never heard ov an Elder God named Shinnok! Or ov a place kalled the Netherrealm!"

"You better start believing in both! Bekause you're going to the Netherrealm, and you're going to bring bakk the amulet. We must akt quikkly. I have no dominion in the Netherrealm. You are reality's only hope."

"I'll do it, Thunder God…" Noob said as walked up the stairs, "Only bekause I don't have a choice."

"Then stand bakk!" Raiden said as he opened a portal.

"This is a portal into the Netherrealm! Once through, follow Quan Chi, and try to get the amulet before he gives it to Shinnok! I also have this advice. Beware the Brothers ov the Shadow. The Netherrealm is a place for lost souls. If you fail, your soul will join theirs... as well as all the souls ov this entire realm," he explained.

Bowing to the Thunder God, Noob jumped through the portal, going to the Netherrealm.


The Prison ov Souls, Netherrealm

(In kase you konfused it with Heaven.)

Getting out ov the portal, Bi-Han landed in a prison…

Sonuvabitch, seriously?

Out ov all the places…

Moving forward, he enkountered Quan Chi, who teleported away quikkly.

"Shit!" The assassin kursed.

Going out ov the cell, he witnessed the environment ov the Netherrealm. It was a huge industrial-like prison with metal buildings and spotlights.

Pretty strange for an ancient realm that has existed way before Earthrealm.

Fighting his way through the prison and the guards, Bi-Han, however, got kaptured after being knokked unkonscious by a huge monster-like guard and two other guards.

Thrown into a prison cell, Noob looked up at the guard as he walked away.

As he stood up, he heard a voice behind him.

"Don't bother worrying about eskape."

"Who are you?!" Noob questioned as he turned around and looked at the figure.

"I am a dead man, but somehow you-"

The figure stopped speaking as soon as it saw Noob.

The Lin Kuei's eyes widened.

"Hanzo?!"

"Noob-chan?!"

[INSERT "LAUGH TRACK" HERE]

╭∩╮( ͡° ل͟ ͡° )╭∩╮

"For fukk's sake…" Noob thought.

"How did you get here?" Skorpion asked.

"Got kaptured by these Netherrealm bastards," Noob answered him.

"No… I mean, how did you get… HERE… in the Netherrealm."

"Ohhh… Long story short: This one bald sorcerer named Quan Chi… motherfukker looks like he's dipped in kokaine or some shit… requested me to go the Temple ov Elements, defeat the gods there, and get this amulet that belongs to some fukking Elder God named Shinnok."

"And then?"

"And then Raiden appeared like he's fukking Superman or some shit and skolded me for 'putting the world at peril blah blah blah' and sent me here to retrieve the amulet… from Quan Chi… before he gives it to Shinnok and we're all fukked."

"Umm… Wait! Did you say Quan Chi and Shinnok?"

"Yes, why?"

"I've been after those motherfukkers since forever! Kome on, Noob-chan, if they're here, then we have to get their asses!"

"I don't… Hanzo… now I'm not-"

"Kome on – let's kill them! Let's get them motherfukk!"

"I'm tired, Hanzo," Bi-Han said as he sat down.

"Huh… tired?"

"Yes, tired."

Skorpion chukkled.

"Nonsense. Bakk in my day, I had to walk seventeen miles to get to skhool."

"Seventeen miles?!"

"YES! Barefoot… on rokks and broken glass!"

"Why?"

"And it was hot! Everyday! So the ground was on fiii-iiire, lit-ter-rallllly!"

"Where did you live?"

"And the skhool was on top ov the hill, so we had to klimb… on top ov the hill WITH NO HANDS!"

"No hands?!"

"And we had to fight off the KKK… while we was klimbin' the hill, and studyin' for a test, and doin' Bible study… all at the same time… IN A TORNADO!"

"WHAT?!"

"SO DON'T TELL MEEEEE-EEEEE ABOUT NO DAMN BEING TIII-IIIRED!"

"Why didn't you just go to another skhool?"

"SHUT YOUR ASS UP!"

(Skorpion is a dikk to Noob.)

-.-

Noob just sat there in silence for a while.

*SILENCE INTENSIFIES*

But then he shook it off and said, "Anyways… I'm also hungry as fukk…"

"Hungry?" Skorpion inquired. "Huh, when the last time you ate, boy?"

"Like an hour ago, I'm struggling," Noob answered.

Skorpion laughed.

"You don't know nothing about no struggle. Bakk in my day-"

"Ah shit, here we go again…" Noob thought.

"We would only eat once a week."

"Why?"

"Uh- me and my sisters and brothers had to share a bowl ov cereal. Uh- drainin' the milk off the spoon so we kould save the milk for later."

"What…?"

"Uh- okay? Got all the… the uh-uh- pot hokkets!"

"-Hot pokkets…"

"In- uhm- the-the mikrowave honk as shit!"

Noob chukkled.

Skorpion kontinued, "We ain't even have a mikrowave!"

"How did y'all heat up your food?"

"You had to wait for the KKK to burn a kross on your lawn!-"

"Exkuse me?"

"Then use the fire to heat up your food... Okay?"

Noob was dumbfounded.

"You ever had a honey sandwich, boy?" Skorpion asked.

"No, what is that?"

"It's-It's a- uh- a honey… between two pieces ov bread-"

"Huh…"

"-But uhm- just imagine not having the bread… on a honey! That's what we ate: NOTHING! SO DON'T TELL MEEEEE-EEEEE… ABOUT NO GODDAMN STRUGGLE! SHIT!"

"...You good?" Noob asked him, koncerned as he saw tears form in the wraith's eyes.

Skorpion sniffed.

*SNIFFING NOISES*

"DON'T TELL ME-!"

He took in some deep breaths.

*BREATHING INTENSIFIES*

"ABOUT NO GODDAMN STRUGGLE, BOY!"

A sweat bead appeared over Noob's forehead.

"Are you done?" He asked.

"I was telling you the tragedy ov my life," Skorpion said.

"That's bullshit, 'kause you ain't never went through that."

Skorpion's eyes went dull and a throbbing kruciform appeared over his forehead.

"Alright, shut up!" He said.

"You shut up!" Noob said bakk.

"That's why yo shoes raggedy."

Upon hearing that, Noob silently growled.

がおー (Gaoo, growl)

No one insults his shoes. No one.

"That's why yo momma dead?" He asked.

BANG!

Skorpion's face suddenly changed. He frowned intensely as his eyes teared up while blue vertikal lines appeared over his forehead and face.

"Dead as hell." Noob kontinued. "What shoes she got on – what shoes she had on her kasket?"

Skorpion kried pathetikally.

"That's why yo granny ain't got no knees. She kan't pray to Jesus, bitch. How 'bout that? She kan't double-dutch-"

"Get out the cell…" Skorpion said in a kroaky voice.

"That's why yo-yo baby got a-"

"Get out the cell!" Skorpion pleaded again.

"-glass eye, and when she kry, you gotta klean it with Windex, bitch. I'll get out 'cho cell. Fukk."

"Get out the cell!"

(Noob is a dikk to Skorpion… again.)

Leaving a heavily devastated Skorpion in the cell, Noob proceeded forward to retrieve the Amulet.


He fought through the guards, went up and down some elevators, and finally kame akross a large statue which blokked his path.

"这是Shinnok ... (Zhè shì Shinnok..., so this is Shinnok...)," he thought.

And he was damn right.

The large statue was ov a man wearing a regal outfit with a two-horned krown.

Knokking it down with a single kikk, the statue fell and opened a path for him.

Unbeknownst to him, three female demons – Sareena, Kia, and Jataaka – were watching him from a distance.

"Though he's definitely a mortal, his soul is still kontained inside his body," Kia said as she observed him with her binokulars.

"A mortal kan't exist here with his soul intakt!" Jataaka said.

"Unless Shinnok allowed it to be."

"I'll inform Quan Chi. The two ov you kontinue to trakk him," Sareena said.

With that, she left them, krossed the Bridge ov Immortality and entered the Pyramid ov Shinnok.


Meanwhile, at the Pyramid

On the upper levels inside the Pyramid was Quan Chi's Throne Room. He was sitting on his skeletal, ghoulish throne… chilling… as Sareena teleported into the room.

Walking toward him and stopping halfway, she stood attentively as she reported to him.

"Sir! A mortal has eskaped from the Prison ov Souls. He's headed towards the Sea ov Immortality."

"A mortal?" Quan Chi asked.

"Yes, a mortal... with the ability to freeze."

"Alert the Keepers and send the full garrison to intercept. Make sure that he does not kross the Bridge!"

"The Keepers? But he's just a mortal."

Quan Chi gritted his teeth and pointed his finger at her.

"Do not question me Sareena! And more importantly, do not fail me! We have toyed with the ninja long enough."


Noob fought his way through the Bridge ov Immortality and managed to enter the Pyramid, where he defeated Kia and Jataaka, obtaining some sort ov keys from them.

(Noob is a dikk to Kia and Jataaka.)

But then he kame akross Sareena…

The demoness charged at him with her kama and tried to slash him. He dodged her attakk and froze her. Delivering several punches to her, he broke the ice koating around her and made her fall down. She quikkly got up and teleported behind him. Noob quikkly went down through a portal and appeared behind her instead. She turned around and tried to slash his nekk with her kama. He kountered her attakk with his sikkle and they tried to overpower each other.

Bi-Han stared into her eyes, and she into his. Something was different about her, Bi-Han thought. Something… definitely unique. He saw it… In her eyes, he saw someone yearning for freedom, for happiness, for life…

It was the eyes ov someone who was kreated to do someone else's bidding, when they klearly didn't ask for it.

Finally managing to overpower her, Noob summoned a portal beneath and above her, made her fall through it, and delivered a kikk to her stomakh, kausing damage to her guts.

Sareena falls on the ground with blood pouring out ov her mouth and tears out ov her eyes. Slowly, she gets on her knees and waited for her demise.

However, Bi-Han kneels in front ov her and takes a key from her, and then turns around and leaves the room.

With a sigh ov relief, a small smile appears on Sareena's face as she falls face-first on the ground, slowly going into unkonsciousness.

(Well, someone needs a sandwich. Also, Noob is a dikk to Sareena… well yes, but not really.)


Quan Chi was taking a nap on his throne as he heard someone teleport into his sanktuary.

It was Bi-Han.

Having kombined the keys he took from the three demons, he managed to reach the sorcerer.

"欢迎来到我的家,Noob Saibot。 (Huānyíng lái dào wǒ de jiā, Noob Saibot, welkome to my home, Noob Saibot)," Quan Chi said with a smile, "如果您仍在寻找护身符,则可以在Shinnok脖子上的金字塔顶点找到它。你来晚了。 (Rúguǒ nín réng zài xúnzhǎo hùshēnfú, zé kěyǐ zài Shinnok bózi shàng de jīnzìtǎ dǐngdiǎn zhǎodào tā. Nǐ lái wǎnle, if you are still looking for the amulet, you will find it at the pyramid's apex, around Shinnok's nekk. You've arrived a little late)."

"我很忙! (Wǒ hěn máng!, I was busy!)," Noob said as he approached him.

"你不知道为什么雷电送你吗? (Nǐ bù zhīdào wèishéme léidiàn sòng nǐ ma?, don't you realize why Raiden sent you?)," Quan Chi asked as he got up from his throne and faced Bi-Han, a throbbing kruciform forming on his head. "虚空世界是邪恶生物的地方。除非你被邪恶所污染,否则你不可能在这里存在。你属于这里和影子的兄弟们一起,敬拜我们的主申诺克。 (Xūkōng shìjiè shì xié'è shēngwù dì dìfāng. Chúfēi nǐ bèi xié'è suǒ wūrǎn, fǒuzé nǐ bù kěnéng zài zhèlǐ cúnzài. Nǐ shǔyú zhèlǐ hé yǐngzi de xiōngdìmen yīqǐ, jìng bài wǒmen de zhǔ shēn nuò kè, the Netherrealm is a place for evil beings. You kould not exist here unless you were tainted with evil. You belong here. Join my brothers ov the shadow, and worship our lord Shinnok)."

"从来没有,巫师! (Kónglái méiyǒu, wūshī!, NEVER, sorcerer!).

"那...应该是这样, 忍者。 (Nà... Yīnggāi shì zhèyàng, Rěnzhě, then… so it shall be, ninja)."

With that, both ov them got into their fighting stance, ready to end this once and for all.

Only one is getting out ov this.

Charging toward each other, Noob and Quan Chi exchanged punches and kikks to each other's body. Punching the sorcerer on the left side ov his face and kausing him to turn around, Noob went through a portal and appeared in front ov him. He grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him akross the room. Quan Chi quikkly got up and used his sorcery to good… or bad use… as he lured Bi-Han toward himself. Kompletely dazing him, he delivered several punches and kikks to the assassin's body, and ends the kombo with a hard kikk under his jaw, kausing blood and teeth to fly out ov Bi-Han's mouth.

Noob flew akross the room with a thikk trail ov blood following him.

Landing hard on the ground but quikkly getting up, Noob summoned Saibot and the klone quikkly grabbed Quan Chi from behind. Noob ran toward the sorcerer and kikked his chest, shattering his ribs and dealing damage to his lungs. With blood pouring out ov his mouth, Quan Chi sent out a blast ov green energy which knokked Bi-Han away and kaused Saibot to disintegrate.

The Lin Kuei assassin rekovered quikkly and, while Quan Chi was still dealing with the damage he just got, used the opportunity to fire an Iceball and Ghostball toward him. The two… balls (damn, that's kinky) froze and disabled the sorcerer, respektively.

Just as Noob was about to deliver the final blow, a wild Sareena appeared, ran toward the frozen Quan Chi, and sliced his head vertikally in half. The sorcerer's head split into two parts as lots ov blood and brain matter splattered out ov the wound. Finally, Sareena kikked him and he fell off the platform, exploding into guts and gore.

(Noob and Sareena are a dikk to Quan Chi.)


"Why did you help me?" Bi-Han asked her.

"You are still a mortal… that means you kan eskape the Netherrealm," she answered him.

"There won't be anywhere to go if I don't get the amulet back."

"Take me with you... I've waited an eternity to eskape."

"You don't understand. I kan't leave without-"

He was abruptly kut off as a beam ov dark energy shot Sareena in the bakk. He quikkly grabbed her limp body in his arms as she disappeared in purple light, klearly being sent bakk to the 5th plane ov the Netherrealm.

Bi-Han looked up to see who it was…

It was him…

The Fallen Elder God…

Shinnok.

(Shinnok is a dikk to Sareena.)

"Die, Lin Kuei!" Shinnok said as he fought Noob.

All Noob had to do was freeze the Elder God, teleport behind him, and steal his amulet which was strapped on his chest.

"NO! THE AMULET! NOOOOOOOOOO-"

(No.)

Skreaming in rage, he transformed into a demonik kreature.

Noob spammed his Slide and Polar Blast moves until he defeated Shinnok.

(Noob is a dikk to Shinnok.)

A portal opened at the opposite end ov the room and Bi-Han jumped through it.


The Temple ov Elements, Himalayan Mountains, Nepal

The assassin kame out ov the portal, amulet in hand, and fell down in front ov Raiden's feet, who was waiting for him.

"Here… the amulet," Noob said as he handed the artifakt to the Thunder God and stood up.

"Impressive, Noob Saibot. Perhaps you'll rekoncile your rekkless past after all," Raiden said.

"That's it? Not even a thank you?"

"Thank yourself, for undoing the problem that you kreated."

"Quan Chi told me that you sent me bekause my soul was tainted with evil. Is that true?"

"You are a superb warrior, Sub-Zero. Only you kan kontrol your destiny. Not even the gods kan alter your chosen path in life."

Nigga what?

"Was that a yes... or a no?"

Raiden smirked.

"That was a yes. But only you kan change it."


The Lin Kuei Temple

Bi-Han entered the Throne Room, bowed before Sub-Zero, and went down on his knees.

"我发誓要服从并服从林奎。 (Wǒ fāshì yào fúcóng bìng fúkóng Lín Kuí, I vow to serve and obey the Lin Kuei)," he said.

"欢迎回来,我的战士。我有一项新的事业要为您服务。看来您的功绩引起了皇后的注意,她希望我们参加小型锦标赛。叫做。。真人快打。 (Huānyíng huílái, wǒ de zhànshì. Wǒ yǒuyī xiàng xīn de shìyè yào wèi nín fúwù. Kàn lái nín de gōngjī yǐnqǐle huánghòu de zhùyì, tā xīwàng wǒmen cānjiā xiǎoxíng jǐnbiāosài. Jiàozuò.. Zhēnrén kuài dǎ, welkome bakk, my warrior. I have a new undertaking for you. It seems your exploits have kaught the eye of an Empress, and she would like us to kompete in a small tournament. It's kalled... Mortal Kombat)," Sub-Zero said.

And to think this all happened in one night…

←TO BE KONTINUED

(Everybody is a dikk to everyone.)

(This fanfiktion.)

(Also, this fanfiktion beats my fanfiktion all to hell.)

(Reading.)

[ENDING THEME – INSERT "STORY OV THE YEAR – AND THE HERO WILL DROWN" HERE]