A/N Hey everyone, a little later in the day to be getting this up or maybe it's earlier for you guys I'm not sure. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone the support and amount of you guys still around is still astounding to me. I hope you all are enjoying what this story has been giving you, even with a busy schedule I've been trying to put aside time during my weeks to keep writing. I do believe I've found myself a BETA now and after this chapter I should have each chapter being edited before I post which will mean less mistakes that I miss. Though you guys have been real nice about anything you may have noticed, I felt I should address a comment that has been mentioned not only in reviews but also in a couple of PM's sent to me.
Many have made comments about why hasn't Edward just used his mind reading to hear all the way into La Push so he can see what is going on with the pack. Many have also said he did this to see that Bella was hurt. Edward didn't hear Jakes thoughts from Cullen land all the way into La Push he heard Jakes shared thoughts after he shifted in Paul and Embry's mind while they were patrolling the border. Edward cannot hear from the border deeply into La Push, perhaps if one of the Cullen's were in La Push he'd be able to use his ability to hear that distance but in my mind that distance is too far for his range. Unless there is a means for him to have a way, if the pack had some on the border and then more shifted deeper in La Push yes he'd hear but that's all due to the shared mind of the pack. I hope that cleared it up and please if you still have questions I'm willing to answer, much of Edward's ability is going to come to light soon. I've stated many times now his gift is developing that it isn't simply mind reading that his mind reading is simply an extension of what his gift is. Anyway sorry for the long author note I'll let you guys get to the chapter...
Oh and Tissue Warning guys...
Enjoy :)
RED DAWN
SUMMARY: Edward had always warned Bella that the pack were dangerous. Hostile, volatile and aggressive in nature. She ignored him, testing even Edward's own vampire instinct by staying friends with his enemy, Jacob. One event will change them all, Bella never truly understood the supernatural world. Didn't understand the aggression that lay dormant even in her controlled mate until it was too late. Warning: Violence and Character death.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the Characters.
Chapter Twenty-One
Edward stood his arm leaning lazily against the shelving over the fireplace. The heated temperature was harsh against his cool skin as he listened to the minds of his family. Rosalie was still sending insults in his direction. She had struggled against even parting from Esme when he'd returned it had only been under Bella's own pleading and promise of staying with Esme that had eventually thawed Rose's cold attitude towards him. Her anger towards Edward had only grown further after the confrontation that he'd shared with Emmet. While Emmet was already past it, never one to hold any type of grudge Rosalie would be willing to hold a grudge for the both of them. Edward had only been relieved that her soured attitude had not been seen to move onto Bella also. Edward knew of how temperamental Rose could be, and in the past wouldn't have put it past her to be less then polite to Bella simply due to her anger directed at him.
Xavier and Rochelle had opted to distance themselves from the meeting that Edward had called, he'd met them sitting on the porch swing outside of the house on his arrival back with Bella. Neither had felt they were well known enough or even welcome to even add their own opinion on what Xavier assumed this meeting was about. While they would stand behind whatever Edward and his family needed of them, facing and helping one of their kind who had lost a mate wasn't something either of them felt they would know how to deal with. Also not knowing anyone other than Edward they didn't feel they could offer any real sense of comfort to those within the family, they didn't want to step on any toes as Xavier had said. Especially with tempers at the breaking point.
Edward had respected their wishes and offered them his car should they wish to distance themselves further but they'd both rejected that idea. The thought of a threat had at least kept them a close proximity to the Cullen house. Edward felt truly grateful for how loyal Xavier still was too him and felt he'd not honoured his once friend in keeping his distance for so many decades. He would change that now, if he could bring all of them through these trying times alive and safe. He would make sure to always have a place for both Xavier and Rochelle for their willingness to defend his family. Even though they had spent much of their existence since finding each other sticking more to the human world then the immortal one he respected how completely set they both were in defending him and his family. Xavier and Rochelle were truly friends that he should have not allowed to become strangers throughout the decades, he should have shown Xavier the loyalty he had shown him in coming to Forks in Edward's time of need.
Alice and Jasper both stood to the far left corner of the room, Alice had her own disagreements with what Jasper and Edward had tried to do to Esme with their combined gifts. While she'd understood their desperate attempt to ease her pain, she hadn't been happy to be left out from talking about it. Alice was also angered by the way Edward had clearly had Jasper abuse his gift, not only against their vulnerable mother but the fact Jasper hadn't pushed himself to the degrees he had with Esme since his departure from Maria's coven. While it hadn't seemed to bring back any of the regret and shame that was normally accompanied with anything that reminded Jasper of his time before Alice. She's was aware that it may come at some point and that she'd be the one who would have to pick up the pieces with Jasper, knowing that no other would be able to offer him the kind of comfort he'd need.
While understanding she was still annoyed, not enough so that she'd make things difficult and Edward was relieved. He already had Rosalie to fend off, he knew his family weren't going to be welcoming of what he was about to say. Even he wasn't okay with what he was about to declare to his family, it felt wrong and a betrayal to Carlisle's very memory but he couldn't make this choice for Esme. The family had been angered when he'd attempted to do something without their input now he'd give them just that. It all came down to his broken mother upstairs lying in Bella's arms. He'd do anything to save her any kind of suffering. Even if that meant freeing her, and in turn forcing not only himself but his family to suffer the choice if she decided upon it.
"I know many of you are disappointed in me. I won't give you excuses for some of my actions. I don't believe it'll help any of us, with me trying to explain them either. Some of you feel I've not given you the blood you desire" Edward's eyes turned to Kate and Tanya, both women who had done exceptional jobs of forcing down the pain of losing Irina. Both of them, far better at controlling that grief and rage that had festered inside of them.
He should have given them free reign with Jasper to make plans. He'd not done so, still trying to fix all the relationship in his life. Trying to bring himself and Bella close again, without the blockades they'd allowed to become erect. Then he'd tried to give Carlisle the time to adapt to what was happening, he'd taken lead but not been ready to force Carlisle to follow orders either. It had cost them all now, his father was dead, and Irina was dead.
"Some of you feel I lack the compassion and care for my family in the harder times to help. That I would abuse the gifts I posses and those of my family because I'm a coward" Edward directed to Rosalie this time completely knowing that she'd believed him only selfishly trying to save himself then really help Esme through this devastating time. Rosalie merely tried to ignore Edward, not looking towards him as she crossed her arms across her chest.
"I can understand how some of you would feel this way. It's true I did try to abuse my gift and Jasper's to force my will onto a weak and vulnerable Esme. I had hoped I could use my developing gift to somehow reach inside of her mind and make the pain lesser for her. I wanted to keep her alive and save her any suffering. I also did it for the selfish intent of not wishing to hear her agony. I selfishly wanted to save Jasper the crippling loss that he shares with her. I am selfish, I dealt with it incorrectly. Our mother needed me to be more compassionate and understanding and instead I tried to force my will upon her without giving her the choice" Edward explained further looking between all the present members, Jasper even looking ready to interject not liking that Edward was taking the complete blame for the plan to use their combined talents against Esme to try and help her.
"Believe me I do not want to make this decision. I never wanted to be a leader I was happy being lead and sitting back only to help when my family needed me. I've brought upon us all of which threatens to take from our family. I carry that guilt, shame that my choices have lead to my father's death. That my choices have lead to the death of Irina and have harmed many of you. While I can't promise to know, if I will always make the right choice, I can promise to be open with you all. I will never take from you the choice to stand or step away. That is why I have to give Esme the choice" Edward said and for a brief moment everyone in the room was silent as they tried to contemplate what Edward meant by his decision to give Esme the choice.
Until the reality, of what Edward had said settled in.
Slowly each member of the family coming to the realization that Edward would grant Esme whatever she desired. Then, finally, they knew exactly what that would mean. They'd all heard the things said earlier, even while not part of the conversation. They realised Edward was going to allow Esme's destruction if she wished for it.
"You really are a monster" Rose shouted standing to her feet instantly as Emmet took hold of her arm to stop her from charging towards Edward as he stood firmly before the fire place. His demeanour firm and set in his choice even if deep in his eyes you could see the beginnings of his will shattering. He'd wished he could have had Bella with him but right now his mother needed her more than he did.
"Rose please stop..." Emmet pleaded not wanting for this all to escalate again, he'd already taken things farther than it had needed to go earlier when he'd tackled Edward.
"No, Emmet he's talking about just letting her decide to die. I won't let you, this isn't your choice to make you aren't our leader Edward. We don't follow you" Rose snarled savagely, Edward understood her anger though her own grief of losing a father in Carlisle many forgot that Rose had been with both Esme and Carlisle for almost as long as he had.
While she'd never been as open about them being her parents, as other's had they had cared for her in a time when she'd been very volatile and vulnerable. Her violent end and beginning to this world had only brought her through to the other side by the love Carlisle and Esme had both given her. While never openly affectionate outside of her shared bond with her mate, Rosalie had seen both Carlisle and Esme as her true parents, even with her memory of her humans ones present she'd found in Carlisle and Esme the parents she'd lacked as a human.
"We do. We've all followed him from the beginning" Jasper said while he'd remained silent when Edward had taken the blame for their attempt on Esme he wouldn't allow his brother to be verbally attacked by Rose while angry and grieving.
"Of course you would stand by him. You're nothing more than a battle scarred warrior, a pretender. You were never really one of us..." Rose yelled lashing out angrily at Jasper as Alice hissed her eyes turning black as Jasper held her arm to keep his pixie mate from leaping for Rose.
"That is enough" Edward snarled, the sound of his very voice deep and gravelly, vibrated around the room with a cold domineering quality that made all of the members in the room shudder under his command.
"This is no more my choice then it is yours Rosalie. You want to force her to live, you would have her slowly become less the woman we have known our entire existence. You would force our mother to not only live frozen with that grief of losing her child as a human, but now the grief of losing our father. It is not my choice, it is not your choice. The choice is Esme's alone. Neither you nor I will take that from her, she has had enough taken from her. You can hate me but that is how it will be. Esme will have her choice just like any of us would want" Edward said with his darkened tone, he didn't want this to escalate anymore then Emmet but he knew how things could become too much.
He'd seen the clear intentions of Alice, to take Rose out when she'd attacked Jasper. It had always been a touchy subjects his ability to resist human blood. He was still, very new to this lifestyle, after so much of his existence spent feeding from humans. Attacking Jasper's control was often to Alice the worst kind of betrayal any of her family could commit against her, she could accept anything but any of them doubting her mate. Knowing each time someone doubted him it only broke down so much progress Jasper made as he began to doubt himself all over again. Rosalie's words to Alice in that moment had been a declaration that she didn't accept Jasper or believe him part of the family, she couldn't have harmed Alice more with even physical blows then with what she'd just uttered.
"Edward, are you sure? We could give her more time. More time to see if she would come out from this pain...grief. It is still very fresh she may. She might come through, she is strong I believe this" Carmen said with wide sympathetic eyes, Eleazer pressing his hand over Carmen's hand, resting on her knee as she turned to look at her husband seeing the silent message in his eyes and then turning away and sobbing tearlessly understanding.
"While I don't wish to think over this choice. While I still can't believe he's gone, we all know what happens to our kind without our mates. It is a tale as old as our kind. We either seek destruction or we seek the destruction of those who took from us. In the end the only choice is that the vampire left behind does not live long after the death of their mate" Eleazer said sadly shaking his head as he tried to comfort his upset mate.
"Carlisle will hate you. He was disgusted by you and now is it any surprise how he felt about you as you plan to help aid the woman he loved die. You Edward Masen are not worthy of his name, you are a disgrace... I hope you burn in hell for this" Rose continued spitting her vitriol and rage toward Edward seeing that all those around her were going to agree to give Esme the choice.
Now trying to break Edward down enough, to harm and break him emotionally that he'd question himself. That he'd believe her words as he had in the past, all those times before when all she'd needed to do was help aid his self loathing and doubt to make him make choices in favour of what she wanted. She would do that again now, she didn't care the upheaval it may cause her brother as now she desperately tried to attempt to keep Esme alive even if that meant forcing her to live.
"That is enough Rosalie"
Bella cradled Esme against her body she'd taken Rosalie's place once she'd finally agreed to leave to join the rest of the family for the meeting. Rosalie had been reluctant but she'd eventually agreed. While Bella wished that she could be there and help Edward, should he need her for moral support she'd also been aware that she wasn't nearly brave enough to face the conversation they were having. It was one thing to both agree in a car with no others to hear and judge now she feared the reaction her family would have to them giving Esme her choice. Seeing Esme when she'd first walked into her bedroom had almost brought Bella to tears, she'd always been so strong and maternal seeing her broken outwardly.
Her soft pleas that came out as whispers, just one look at Edward's pained eyes could tell Bella all she couldn't hear inside of Esme's thoughts. Even as Rose had tried to keep Edward from entering the room, Esme had turned towards him hand weakly extended and calling his name. Like he was the very answer to her prayers, she'd have done anything to protect Edward from that pain but Esme's was far greater.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry" Esme sobbed her hands moving to cover her face, Bella almost fearing that her rigged fingers would dig into the perfect smooth skin of her heart shaped face as Esme dragged her hands over her face.
"Shush Esme. You have nothing to be sorry for. Not a thing at all. We're here we won't leave you. We all love you so much" Bella tried her best to sooth the woman who had become a second mother to her, stroking her caramel coloured hair back softly. All while knowing and seeing that her words and touch offered Esme nothing that her tenderness to this wonderful woman only seemed to break her down more.
"I can't. I can't do this. I need him, my Carlisle. He's alone and I can't leave him alone. I need to be with him, nothing left for me now but pain" Esme sobbed roughly between her words moving her hands from her face and looking into Bella's eyes deeply and Bella was rocked to the core at just how deeply empty Esme's eyes looked. Esme's eyes black in colour a distinct glaze to them from the built up venom that prevented her from shedding real tears. She looked broken and hollow, Bella felt she didn't know a way to ever be able to offer Esme any comfort.
"I'm so sorry Esme" Bella whispered wrapping her arms around Esme and hugging her trying to choke back the cry that was building in her own throat.
"They burned him. Burned my Carlisle and left him... oh god they left his beautiful. His face... and... and I couldn't... so Edward had too and I should have been strong enough but I wasn't. So now Edward will... he'll always remember, my fault my son and he'll always remember his father that way" Esme was slowly becoming more hysterical and Bella wasn't sure she understood what Esme was saying.
She understood that she was worried about Edward. Bella didn't think Esme was weak at all, the fact she seemed even here seemed to show more strength then Bella knew. She'd remembered what she had become when Edward had left her, months of being nothing, of completely being shut away from the world, detached. Bella was positive if something should happen to Edward, should she lose him she'd want the choice to take her life too. Even as a human she'd do it if she lost him, there would be no point to this life now without him. It was more terrifying then she could ever voice faced with this heartbreaking scenario where Esme was no longer beside Carlisle. Where two once believed indestructible immortals, were forced apart by the death of the other.
"Nothing is your fault Esme. You're strong, so strong. What happened is so terrible, we'll help you if you need us we're all here to help you however you want" Bella whispered pulling back and cupping Esme's cheek tenderly and pressing a kiss to her forehead as Esme's hands twisted in Bella's shirt tightly, stitching in the shirt sounding little snaps under her strength.
"I need... Need to go to them. They're arguing... I don't want them to turn on one another. It's my choice. Not his fault need to stop this. Bella please" Esme said and surprised Bella as Esme moved a little shakily which was strange but Bella was there beside her as Esme moved from the bed moving towards the door quickly. Bella didn't know where Esme was finding the will power to do anything but cry, but it seemed she couldn't take the arguing or whatever was happening downstairs, Bella only hoped that Edward was okay.
Bella found herself following closely behind Esme as they came to the stair case and Bella could already hear the disagreement from the top of the stairs. The sound of hissed and growled response of not words but just sound, she'd always found that one of the especially strange parts of them being vampires. The way they created certain sounds, that seemed to have some level of meaning all in to themselves. Like Edward and his family could have a, somewhat conversation just from growls and hisses. She'd even believed she'd heard a strange purr like moan that had vibrated in Edward's chest when he'd reached his climax in the car earlier as she'd cried out in her own pleasure filled whimper.
Her thoughts had been quickly taken away from the earlier events in Edward's car as she heard Rosalie yelling at Edward and felt her own anger build. For all the good she'd seen recently in Edward and Rosalie's relationship it seemed that the two were falling back to old habits in the harder times. Bella wasn't sure if it was just because they couldn't see eye to eye, or if Rosalie resented the fact that the rest of the family viewed Edward as the leader of their family. Or at least believed that was his rightful place.
"Carlisle will hate you. He was disgusted by you and now is it any surprise how he felt about you as you plan to help aid the woman he loved die. You Edward Masen are not worthy of his name, you are a disgrace... I hope you burn in hell for this" Bella had felt the sick twisting in her gut at what Rose had said and couldn't believe the hateful words that spewed from her mouth. Bella had been ready to move ahead of Esme to defend Edward believing he may not attempt to do so if he felt he deserved it. He'd come so far and she feared constantly that his self loathing would resurface under all that had happened, she wasn't sure how he'd survive if it was to return now, she didn't want him to have to carry all that hatred for himself any longer.
"That is enough Rosalie" Esme said more strongly then she'd had said anything since finding Carlisle.
All the family turned to look at Esme shocked to see her out of her room, let alone standing before them all. Jasper could feel the determination behind her emotions, while the grief and pain clung to her like a heavy cloud that weighed her down he could see determination just about forcing its way through it. Only Edward could find the meaning behind how Esme had found the determination to push through her grief, hearing them decide to give her the choice Esme had seen her escape from the pain. Her freedom to join Carlisle, she truly believed in her death they would be reunited and with Edward allowing her choice she couldn't risk allowing anyone, even Rosalie coming between that. Her determination and strength came from a place of protecting and loving Edward but also seeing the end in sight, she'd hold strong just long enough to get her escape from her pain.
It broke Edward's heart even more seeing how truly desperate for death she was, he'd let this become of her. One of the kindest women he'd ever known, she was an innocent to this world and now she was ruined.
The pack would pay Edward would swear upon his dying breath that he'd make them suffer for this.
"You can say whatever you wish of your own opinion but you will not make comments on what my husband felt for his first son. I love you all, you are my children. I will not have you tearing each other apart because of what I want. This isn't Edward's fault any more then it is any one of yours. My husband is gone. My mate who gave me so much happiness is gone. I will not be forced to live a life of emptiness. I love you all and I know while I may have not wanted you to make this choice, which I myself am. I need you to love me enough to let me go. I can't do this not without him. Please don't make me" Esme said strongly as she moved down the stairs moving to Rosalie and cupping her daughters cheek as Rose tried to turn away from looking at her, as Bella moved to Edward's side.
"I understand" Esme whispered as Rosalie crumbled and began to sob harshly as Esme pulled Rosalie into her arms, both woman while not seen as openly close to many had shared a very close friendship when Rose had first awoken to this life. Rosalie who had been still traumatised by her attack hadn't been able to be too close to either Carlisle or Edward. It had taken Esme's loving embrace and maternal nature to help Rosalie through her agony. Through accepting the betrayal of her human fiancée and seeing what the life Carlisle had given her would mean to her.
"You can't blame Edward. Rosie you can't. He's your brother, he doesn't want this anymore then you do. He understands, he was there. I didn't understand it then but I do now, that feeling. I pray you never know it my sweet girl. Don't turn on him, he needs you now just like you needed him then" Esme said pulling away from the embrace, holding Rose's face in her hands referring to when Rose had moved past her grief and then the anger had come forward.
When Rosalie had turned to Edward, for his guidance in things that Esme and Carlisle couldn't and wouldn't give her, in the rage that had felt like an ocean drowning her. When Rose had desired to take the lives of the men who had dared touch her, the men who had taken her human life from her. He'd helped her plan and find every single one of them, he'd even offered to take them from this world to save her carrying that sin. In a time when she'd been very much impressed by his beauty and talents but had been angry at his rejection of her, they had been close friends before she'd become bitter at his turning her away. They'd never truly recovered, they loved each other as brother and sister but she'd always held a grudge at his ability to turn her away. Rose knew that, her vanity was not a secret amongst her family.
"Please don't..." Rose begged once more wishing to reach a part in Esme's maternal nature to make her make a different choice then the one they all knew she would.
"Rose, it's okay. Rose we... we have to love her enough to do the right thing. She's done that for us" Emmet whispered for only his mate's ears as he moved up behind her, she'd been there to hold him together when they'd found Carlisle now he'd have to hold her together.
Edward stood away from the scene as he tried to keep in control of his emotions, Bella stood strongly by his side holding his hand and nestling closer to his body. They watched as Esme moved from each of them, every single one of the family members sharing soft kisses and tender touches. Whispered words of comfort that would never truly sooth any of them, he could see what his mother was doing, she was saying her goodbyes. She was ready and she wouldn't prolong her wait, she believed she would be with Carlisle soon. Edward only wished that he could offer some way to keep her alive or offer some way to bring Carlisle back to her. He didn't want to lose her, didn't want to let go of his father either. It was cruel enough losing his human parents, them both dying from the flu that would and should have killed him, now he would once again be an orphan to this world.
Once again he'd have to face the pain of losing his parents.
Edward had to turn away when Esme addressed Jasper as she cupped his scarred cheeks and pressed her lips to his forehead pulling him down and telling him she loved him. The overwhelming emotions that had flooded from Jasper under her love and care and the reality that she was going to be gone felt like Edward's heart was breaking all over again as Jasper unintentionally pushed his emotions around the room. Edward had needed to wrap his arms around Bella as she'd broken down into sobs under her own sorrow and then the added power of Jasper's ability. Even Tanya and Kate's stoic expressions had faltered and they'd exited the room quickly, unable to stay any longer. Carmen hadn't faired any better as Eleazer had escorted her away from the room not far behind the Denali sister's. Still dealing with the grief of losing Irina facing this was just making it harder for them to deal with their already built pain. They were all in a sea of regret and agony now, no one would be saved from this pain, and forever they would carry these traumatic losses.
"You'll have to protect him. He'll need you more than ever Bella. I know my son and he won't... What I'm asking of him, it might break him and I'm so very sorry that I'm going to hurt him this way. I can only hope you can forgive me" Esme said softly between her own jerky response as Bella cried hugging Esme tightly and pressing her head against her chest her arms tightly wrapped around her. Esme even in her desperation for her end knew the selfish reality of what this would do to her sensitive son, he'd feel honour bound to do it even though it would hurt him. She couldn't do it without him though.
"I'm so sorry I won't be there to see you marry my son. I know you'll make a beautiful bride, I love you Bella. I couldn't have asked for a better match for Edward. You've made me so happy by making my son smile" Esme said softly kissing Bella's cheeks not concerned by the stitching as Esme finally turned her gaze to Edward.
Esme then extending her hand out to Edward to take as he slowly but clearly reluctantly took it, knowing what she'd ask of him now. Knowing where this conversation ended, knowing that once she asked it of him he'd never refuse and it would forever change him.
"Take a walk with me" Esme whispered and the rest of the family watched, Emmet still holding Rosalie tightly as she cried hysterically. Alice and Jasper whispering between each other, trying to sooth each other as Alice kissed under his jaw were a gathering of scars were on his face.
Edward's eyes turned to Bella her heartbreaking expression, tears stained down her cheeks as he looked at her, his eyes pleading for some way to refuse Esme but all knew he wouldn't. They all knew that only one of them would be coming back from this walk, they all knew that Esme would never be coming back.
Her choice had been made.
None of them could make it for her even if they wished they could.
"Okay" Edward croaked roughly, Esme's hand entwining with his fingers.
Edward felt every step through his entire body as he walked beside his mother, out of the home she'd all but designed and helped build by hand. She'd always taken such great care in preparing all the homes that they had lived in, he'd remembered when she'd first started to learn about architecture and interior design. Edward remembered the giggled laughing and humoured teasing she and Carlisle had shared during the eighties when she'd decided that she'd wanted to join the others of the family in going to college. She'd wanted to refresh her degrees and her knowledge with more modern themes and she'd wanted to be closer to her children. It had been such a refreshing moment for them all when Esme had instead of posing as their mother taken to being a sibling too, it was often so easy to forget just how close in age they truly were.
Esme and Edward had posed as brother and sister during that decade as they'd attended college together. They hadn't done so since her early creation when the time and traditions could have never expected such a young couple as Carlisle and Esme's age to have a son at Edward's age. Very much close in some of their similarities they'd been able to place that lie many times during her early life of this existence, never did Edward ever believe that a time would come when he'd have to face her end now too. Edward had been there the day Carlisle had brought her home tormented by what he'd done and what she'd tried to do, he'd been so scared she'd been too weak for the change but Edward had stood strong then for Carlisle and helped prepare his mate for her new life. Edward had been there at the very beginning of her second life, now he would have to see out the end of it.
There was no words spoken between them as they walked at a human pace together, Edward didn't turn around to watch those of his family watch them go. To turn around and face them now would break his resolve to help Esme and he couldn't do that to her, as in her mind he listened to her goodbyes and her love. Most of all it was her peaceful acceptance that this was her time, for how violently Carlisle had been taken from her Esme had come to the decision that now was her time to pass from this world. To Esme if Carlisle wasn't here to help her and guide her to the next part of her life then it would have to be her son, the one she'd awoken too. Edward listened to her regret, her choice to need his assistance worrying her even now as she saw her death coming she thought of him and his struggle. So selfless even in her own pain she would worry about him first, about what her death and how she'd need his hand to bring it for her would affect him. Edward held his own fear and agony at bay for his mother granting her these final moments as she walked with him, as they walked hand in hand through the forest of their home together.
As Esme took in the beauty of the world and remembering herself and Carlisle running free through these forests, hunting animals and making love and Edward tried his best to allow her the privacy she deserved.
Both of them knowing, where this walk would lead them to in the end.
Both, knowing that there was no other alternative that could be found.
One accepting of the fate of this walk, the other still wishing there was a solution to the problem but knowing it was in vain.
"Do not carry my death on your soul Edward. You will not feel guilt for this, you must promise me that" Esme said softly finally breaking the silence as they broke through to a small opening in the forest a steady stream about ten yards in front of them.
Esme had chosen her place, she didn't want to be ended where her husband had, didn't want that violent reminder now. She would have her death where they had last made love. It would be here she'd breathe her final breath, with the memories of her love and her son at her side.
"I don't know how I can't carry this upon myself. Look what I've done to our family. Look at what my choices have done to you... my mother. I've broken us" Edward said feeling the regret and guilt building in his chest, he was failing them all. Carlisle, Esme, Bella, his siblings, the Denali's he was no leader.
"You didn't break us Edward. You'll have to fix this though. I won't be here to help and I'm so sorry I'm not strong enough to do that for you but you'll have to help them now. Carlisle loved you, there was a strain but that never changed. Rose is upset and scared what she said it isn't true, and while I said many things I regret in the clearing, I too love you and don't blame you Edward. You can't blame yourself, this life it wasn't easy for you and I'm so sorry it is still expecting more of you still. You have Bella though now, I have to believe she'll help you. That you'll help each other, she's stronger now. You both are" Esme moved to turn to Edward reaching up and cupping his chin to make him look into her eyes.
"Are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want? We don't... we don't have to do this now. If you aren't sure we can go home, together. We can pretend..." Edward found the words spilling from his lips as Esme looked into his sad sorrow filled eyes her eyes equally as pained while she shook her head to reply to him.
"We can't pretend Edward. My beautiful boy, I couldn't have loved you more if you were my true biological son. Not a day since I woke to this life was I more grateful to Carlisle for not only giving me love but giving me a son I could truly love and heal the pain of losing my child" Esme said softly and Edward felt the fractures of his heart shatter at her words as his lip all but trembled and his vision stung, the lenses that covered his eye disintegrating under the build up of venom over his eyes. Slowly working away at the lenses until his dark burgundy eyes were revealed to Esme.
"I can't do this Esme. Please don't ask it of me" Edward begged softly turning his face away not able to look at her, he knew she would ask it of him still. Knew that this would be his burden to carry, like he had been the one to burn the remaining part of his father he would be the one to help Esme move past this life too.
"You can Edward and you will. I need you, I needed you to be here because... you were there in the beginning and I need you there at the end. I can only apologise that I'll hurt you in my need for the end, I couldn't face this without you though because I'm scared... and you are the bravest man I know" Esme said truly believing what she said as Edward shook his head not believing her mind or her words, his chest heaving against silent tears he could not shed.
"You are. You are so brave. You've faced so much, you've lived with so much. You didn't burden your father when you believed Bella gone, you knew it would break his heart and so you found the strength to go to Aro. You knew you couldn't live without her and instead of crying and hurting our family you went to those who could help you, I didn't understand then. I do now Edward and while my death will hurt you all it would have hurt you more if I chose to live on, if I had slowly become less of who I am until I was nothing but a shell. You've faced so much, you've faced shifters, volatile vampires, you've even faced your singer and not given in to the thirst, you have exposed yourself to a human and then faced the Volturi knowing you'd broken their rules and lived. You are the bravest man I've ever known and I couldn't be prouder of my son and who you have become." Esme said firmly wanting to make sure that Edward knew that she didn't blame him for anything, that she loved him and was proud of him. She couldn't let him carry the guilt, not after he'd been progressing so well, she truly did believe he was brave, so much braver then he'd ever given himself credit for.
"I'll miss you" Edward said roughly, his hands at his side tightening almost too painful levels as he tried to channel this agony someplace else away from his mind and heart.
"All children should outlive their parents Edward. It's the natural cause of life. I'll be here" Esme placed her hand over Edward's silent heart, while both knew it no longer beat Esme believed it still just as strong as any other heart if not more so.
"I'll never truly leave you. I'll always be your mother and Carlisle your father. We both love you and we'll watch over you together. We'll never be far Edward I promise you that" Esme said once again showing the strength of her faith, where for so long his own faith had made him believe himself not worthy of heaven Carlisle and Esme had always believed differently.
"Do you still believe we don't possess a soul?" Esme asked as Edward felt himself lurch almost, as if his stomach could empty the contents that weren't there. For so long Edward had argued with Carlisle over the soul he believed he'd lost by becoming what he was and now here he stood, Carlisle dead and Esme ready to join him and she wished to know if they had a soul.
"I know that there would have to be no god for you and Carlisle to not possess a soul. For all my belief you and he are worthy, I can't imagine either of you being soulless, for so long I challe... I challenged Carlisle. I wish I could have told him that I didn't see myself as two parts the man and the beast and instead I am both a man of great darkness and tender goodness. We have a soul Esme. You have a soul, of course you do" Edward whispered now placed his hand back in his mothers squeezing her hand softly as she looked into his burgundy eyes with her own golden ones.
"Then I'm ready Edward. I'm ready son" Esme said softly moving slowly away from Edward and closer to the stream that silently ran through the forest, offering an almost melodic soothing tone around them. It was nightfall by now, the moon high casting a beautiful glow around them, the forest coming to life in a different way to their enhanced eyes. In a few hours the sun would rise and Edward knew that Esme would not see it, that this was to be her final moments, she was ready. He only hoped he was ready to help her pass through this life, hoped that she was rewarded for her faith and that his father was waiting for her as she hoped.
"I'm scared. I'm so scared but I want this. Need to be with him"
Edward listened silently to her mind seeing the fear, which was settling inside of her the natural vampire instinct to continue to survive their instincts so very strong. Even now as she was accepting of her death, even though her body wanted this, long buried instincts demanded for her to keep on. Edward couldn't bear to witness her struggle as if he reached out to her, like a slowly throbbing pulse echoed around him sharpening his mind even more then he'd ever felt before until he felt like his mind was completely linked to his mother's. He was unaware as once again his eyes illuminated in the dark forest shining brightly blood red with flecks of golden around the iris. His mind linked to the only mind around him for miles, then as her mind seemed to numb to him then he rested his gentle large hand behind her neck his other arm wrapping around her stomach.
The position both gentle and intimate, any who would have come across it would have believed them lovers but it was nothing more than a gentle loving embrace as Edward finally worked his gift in a way he'd not been able to do so before. His need to help his mother, to ease this pain for her and the fear in those final moments, that still lingering rage at those who had done this too her he seemed to move on instinct to help her.
"You see him. Carlisle he's there. Just ahead he's been waiting mother. He's been waiting and now he's ready for you to join him. He's ready Esme, it doesn't have to hurt anymore. You don't need to be scared"
Edward's mind didn't roar this command now as Esme's mind seemed to become a whisper of images instead of thoughts, Edward watching her mind as she seemed to transport from where she was. Now she stood in a yellow field large and Carlisle stood across from her, he didn't look like the Carlisle they knew. No, the image that seemed to come to Esme's mind was one he'd once seen through Aro's memories that he'd taken from Carlisle's creator's very mind. Of the youthful human man with his basic clothing of his time, with tan skin and bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. He was human and reaching out for Esme in her mind and Edward watched contentedly as Esme seemed to reach out to the ghost before her, like she'd been taken from the world she was once in. Giving her the gift of a peaceful end, something so very rare for their kind, something that never truly happened for any of them.
"You can go to him mother. We will miss you, we will love you forever. Its okay now, you can join him. We want you to be happy, we want you both to be happy. We love you Esme. I love you mother"
Edward's final words were a caress, while his arm loosened from around her stomach his touch remained on the base of her neck, still Edward watched. Almost hypnotised by what he was seeing conjured in her mind, his ability to place his thoughts had helped her in creating an illusion and she was living her dream. Her eyes closed to the world around them but her mind wide awake and living in a world far from this one he would remain in, he hoped that this would be what welcomed her once he took care of the task that he'd been asked to do for her. Edward watched, saw how Esme ran to Carlisle in her mind, watched with batted breath and broken heart as he watched his mother and father come together clinging to each other and then as they promised forever and Esme kissed Carlisle passionately.
Edward moved then.
It was quicker then she'd have ever been able to notice, the image in her mind, the contentedness and happiness that seeped through her mind almost paused before it faded to complete blackness. Edward forced his own mind away from the task that he was carrying out trying to place his mind elsewhere instead of seeing what he was doing. He felt the feeling of vampire limb remove from the body, he didn't look to see her once beautiful face, sagged he couldn't look at her. Seeing Carlisle had been cruel enough and this time it was so much worse as he'd been the one to bring about her end. Edward moved almost like a machine on autopilot, he moved fast and precise as he moved Esme's body on the ground and then set her remains ablaze. The vampire body so strong and resistant to destruction, that the only true way to destroy one of their kind, was for the limbs to be removed, the exposed venom the true aid in burning their kind quickly. The death had she sought it out without help would have been prolonged and even more agonizing then even the transformation into this life. She had been spared that, she had never known pain, in her end she had found something unknown to all others, she had gone happily, peacefully.
His last gift to his mother had been her destruction.
Only then.
Only then once the job was done and her body began to burn, did he finally break. His trance like state and silence ended, as Edward looked up into the sky and screamed into the night brokenly. Like a dying animals howl of pain and trauma, as he tried to expel from his very body what he'd just had to do. He felt like his body continued to tremble throughout the remaining night as he kneeled before his mother's burning body until it became ash. Edward cried into his hands while he begged for forgiveness, while she'd told him not to carry this guilt he didn't know how to deal with what he'd done. He'd destroyed his own mother. He'd burned his father's remains, he didn't know how he could ever move past this. Only the hate inside of him made him know that he had an enemy to direct this pain at, that his only saving graces in this world now was Bella and his desire to kill the pack that had brought about this cruel fate.
No one came to find Edward as the sky lightened above him, his family no doubt still struggling with what was to happen, the fear that they would never understand. That they would forever blame him for what he'd just done, even if it had been her desire to have her end come to pass. The only peace his mind could find was that he'd somehow reached into her mind and given her a peaceful, happy end. Esme hadn't felt pain, she hadn't known her end was coming, in those final moments she'd not even noticed Edward was there. She'd been in Carlisle's arms in her mind kissing him once again and telling him she loved him, for all his wrong doing he hoped that would at least offer some peace to him in the future when he could see around the grief of his mother and father's death.
As the early morning sky slowly brightened the once light blue morning Edward knew that he could no longer remain with his mother's ashes that he would have to return to his home and face his family. The overwhelming desire to return to Bella's open arms and have her take away his pain was all too appealing. Finally as he brushed his mother's ashes into the flowing stream and watched as what remained of his mother simply washed away, silently praying as he had done over Carlisle's ashes before. Hoping that the two of them were both united together on the other side and that they were happy again, that they would no longer suffer.
He loved them both, loved them just as much as he had loved his human parents. He'd lost them and he knew he'd carry that loss just as heavily as he had his human parent's deaths. Forever Carlisle and Esme would be a part of him not even death could remove that. They had been his guides and helped shape the man he'd tried to become, Edward swore he'd forever honour the Cullen name and what it stood for. He would end the threats and then they would leave Forks, they would never return and they would live as a family, they would protect human life and they would restrain from the desires that they had always planned to reject.
To honour Carlisle and Esme and the lifestyle they had lived by he would do his best to keep his family together and teach of compassion and love. Just as Esme and Carlisle had both tried to do. Now was a time of war, but it would not always be a time of such bloodshed, eventually they would move past this. They would survive he'd make sure of that, all of the family would and then they would take time away from the human world to heal themselves and help Bella learn control in her newborn life as one of them. They would miss Carlisle and Esme for as long as they lived but there death would never be forgotten and Edward would certainly not allow it to go unpunished. Like he knew he was both the man and the beast the family would both be compassionate and avenging, never again would this become of them.
Edward would never allow it again.
When Edward finally reached his home his family were already all waiting in the living room, Xavier and Rochelle were both seated in the living room now. As were the new arrivals of Peter and Charlotte with word that Garret would not be coming. When Jasper had last had contact with Peter and Charlotte, garret had been with them approaching the area, once he'd heard of Carlisle's destruction he had decided against coming. While Edward had been angered by this he understood that Garret's loyalty had been to Carlisle and not him, he was still thankful to Peter and Charlotte for coming at Jasper's need.
The family had wanted to talk about what had happened, Rose had been ready to attack Edward on sight still very much hysterical that he'd agreed to give Esme what she'd wanted. Rose would struggle with that choice even if in her own mind what Esme had said to her had settled in more than she wanted it too. Everyone dealt with grief differently and Edward would accept Rose's anger if that was what she needed, all they had called upon were here. Even Bella who had forgone sleeping in favour of waiting was with them all, she'd stood to move to Edward as soon as he'd entered the room and he'd eagerly welcomed her into his arms. Burying his face in her hair trying to gain the strength that her being with him offered as he'd turned to look up at all of his family, meeting each of their gazes.
"Take the day to rest. Prepare. Feed. Share in the love you have with those you hold dear. Tonight we end this. Our mother and father and cousin have left us but they will not pass from this world alone, those who have taken from us will learn of justice. They will suffer for the actions they have dared to take against us. Tonight we cross La Push land and we kill the alpha and those who follow him." Edward had said with a fierceness that had made many feel the need to fall into line. Jasper standing his own shared moment with Esme before her death, making his need for blood even stronger. He was already to take some aside, those who weren't familiar with the shifters and the way in which they fought to give them training in dealing with them.
"No one is to disturb me until night fall. My mate and I" Edward turned to look to Bella cupping her cheek tenderly.
"My mate and I need some time alone. We've waited long enough" Edward whispered the last part for only Bella's ears, he wanted to complete their bond, he needed his mate and he wanted to make love to her before he was to take this fight to the pack.
Once the pack were dealt with he was going to change her, he wasn't going to wait until after he dealt with Victoria and Riley. They would move ahead her change, he couldn't leave her vulnerable any longer, she wanted to be his equal and she would be soon enough. Today would be a day to love one another and finally untie in their bond, he wanted his mate and he wasn't about to have any other's distract him from that. He watched as that beautiful blush set over her face as he leaned down kissing her lips softly and lifted her up into his arms, he'd had enough taken from him. Now it was time he was the one finally doing the taking, he was ready to make Isabella Swan his completely.
