Disclaimer - I don't own anything mentioned that is directly from the Sons of Anarchy world such as characters or places. I do however own anyone you don't recognise.
Summary - Ambivalence: The coexistence of opposing attitudes or feelings, such as love and hate, towards a person, object or idea. "You do realise you don't scare me right?" "That's because I don't try." She was a sarcastic teenager who probably should have stayed off limits and he was a rough biker who probably shouldn't have let his curiosity get the better of him.
A/N - Thanks to everyone who has favourited and followed. Special thanks to decadenceofmysoul, Emmettluver2010 and twibe for reviewing!
Lena has always thought of herself as an early bloomer. She was the first of her friends to need a bra, she was the first to lose her virginity and she was the first to discover what loneliness truly was.
Her father died when she was seven and her mother, who wasn't the world's best mother, had Ally and Lena taken off of her by child services. That neglection resulted in the separation of Lena and her sister. Lena was sent to one foster home and Ally, to another. Ally promised her though, as soon as possible they would be reunited again. Although that promise was kept, those two years without Ally we're unlike anything else Lena has ever endured. Lenas sister is everything she aspires to be, a true superstar. When they were pulled apart from each other at 14 and 7, Ally got to work. She put her head down, got her shit sorted and graduated high school, became her own legal guardian and fought for custody of Lena. The day Ally picked Lena up is one of Lenas truly happiest memories. It was 2 weeks after Allys 16th birthday and she knew it was a matter of days before she came and rescued her. They don't talk about those 2 years they spent without each other. Allys asked Lena and she has reluctantly told her as little as possible. Lena just prefers to act like those two years never happened. There is a lot Lena turns a blind eye too about her childhood. Alyson tells her it's what a trained professional would call a coping mechanism. Lena calls it bullshit. Bad things happen every day to people, that doesn't make you a bad person. It's how you deal with the shit you're given that defines you. Not our good days, but what we make of the bad. Not only our triumphs but how we cope with our loses too. There's good and bad in everyone we meet and everything we do. You've got to learn to live with the bad shit and enjoy the good. It's a hell of a lot easier to bite down and ignore the demons knocking at your door if you pay them no mind and enjoy the light. Alyson is Lenas light.
It has now been 8 years since Ally picked Lena up from the foster family she was living with and moved her out to Los Angeles with her. Those first few years Lena got to enjoy being a kid. Spent her days at school and enjoyed being a kid, while her sister spent ages 16 to 20 working 2 jobs to make ends meet, yet still having the time to take night classes at the local community college to become a nurse. By the time Lena was 13, she could see the stress her sister was under and became aware that everything wasn't as put together as it seemed to be. Bills weren't being paid and they were close to being kicked out of the apartment from rent being overdue. Ally considered dropping out of college to pick up another job. Lena told her that wasn't an option and that she was only 6 months off graduating and fulfilling her dream of becoming a nurse. To lift the load a little and help out a bit, Lena traded in her time after school to wash dishes at the Chinese restaurant down the street and spent her weekends working in a bookstore that was a short bus ride from their apartment. Lena didn't contribute a whole lot, but it was enough to help them to get back on their feet.
Shortly after Allys graduation and her 21st birthday she got a job in a hospital on the outskirts of town. On her third ever night shift at the hospital as an E.R nurse in came a newly patched member of the Sons of Anarchy, TJ. He had only just got his top rocker when he decided to visit his at the time girlfriend in LA. Upon arrival at her house however, he found her in bed with a different man. Instantly feeling angry and hurt TJ broke up with the girl, but not before giving her new boyfriend a black eye. Deciding he was done with girlfriends and wouldn't settle down anytime soon he made his way back to charming. However, he was slightly distracted by the thoughts of how many different ways he could kill his slutty ex-girlfriend and didn't notice that he ran a stop sign. He soon became aware though when he was laid out on the road and his bike was pretty messed up. So off to the hospital he went, to make sure he had no internal injuries. There was no serious damage, he was just a little banged up. TJ could barely contain his disappointment at the fact that there was no long lasting damage and he wouldn't be able to spend any more than the one night in hospital with the beautiful nurse who laughed at his lame jokes. The next morning once kozik, who was the only one to answer his late night call, had arrived to sign him out, TJ left the hospital with the pretty nurse's number and his newly implemented rule of no girlfriends forgotten.
Lena was dying for a cigarette. They were now just over 2 hours into the drive and upon searching her handbag next to her, had discovered that her smokes weren't in her bag. Surely one of the chain smokers behind her wanted to pull over soon. Grabbing her phone from her bag she unlocked it and rang Ally.
"What do you think you're doing talking on the phone while driving Lena! Do you know how dangerous-"
"Yeah Yeah." Lena cut her off "When are we stopping? I must have left my smokes back at the apartment and I'm dying here Al."
"Jesus christ kid. Your 17. Find a new habit." Ally scolded her.
"I hear cocaine has gone down in price."
"I'm choosing to ignore that. We should be stopping soon. TJ wanted to stop at a gas station not too far from here. Now get off your phone." and with that her sister hung up on her. Soon. But how soon is soon? If she just decided to pull over here then surely they would all have to stop too. But then she would have to deal with Alyson having a hissy fit over her going off schedule. As Lena mulled over ways in which she could get everyone to pull over she noticed Ally and TJ veering off the highway towards a gas station. Oh thank god. Once they were all parker Lena climbed out of her car.
"Koz, you know how much you love me right-" Lena started.
"Whatever it is just get on your knees darlin' and I'm sure we can work something out." Kozik replied, earning a smack from Ally.
"You're unbelievable. Underage don't you forget." Ally scolded him as she walked off towards the shop with TJ behind her. With a roll of her eyes and a smirk on her face, Lena looked up at him and just shook her head.
"Don't smirk at me. What you want?" Kozik questioned her.
"Left my smokes at home. Think I can bum a few? Or go buy me a new pack?" She didn't know the owners and would probably get carded. He nodded at her and held out his hand for some money. "Thanks darlin'" She told him with a wink as she handed him a few notes from her wallet. He just rolled his eyes and took off for the shop too.
"Bad habit to have." Happy said to her from the bench he was sat at, cigarette in hand.
"You're one to talk." She pointed out to him as she sat beside him. He silently held out his packet to her, offering her one which she took and quickly lit.
"I'm a grown ass man. Can do what I like." He growled at her.
"You do realise you're not that much older than me right?"
"Eight years is a long time girl. Especially not even 18 to 25."
"I'll be 18 soon. Age won't mean a thing." Lena replied, wondering if he caught the double meaning behind her words. He did. Heard them loud and clear. He also chose to ignore them. Underage. One of his brothers soon to be sister-in-law. Not only slightly off limits. She was completely off limits. As beautiful as she was, the wrath of Alyson O'mally was not something Happy ever intended to be at the end off. He awkwardly sat in the same room one night as Ally screamed at TJ over some trivial bullshit. If she could react that way to TJ not calling her back, he couldn't imagine how she would react to someone fuckin with her baby sister.
"You'll see kid. Just wait till you're full grown and understand being an adult." Lena just rolled her eyes in response. Not really at what he was saying, more so the way he phrased it. He tended to make comments like that if she went anywhere near a line she shouldn't be crossing. You're not full grown, not an adult, just a kid. Yeah she's heard it all before from him. She just liked to see how far she could push him. Lena was well aware she wasn't his type. She'd seen him with women before. Tight clothes, no brain, massive breasted whores that hung around the boys like fly's to a shit. Happy was the kind of guy though who could have any woman he wanted with no real effort. She'd never seen him with a girlfriend though. Not like TJ who couldn't even get a fucking haircut without asking Allys opinion first. Or Jax teller, who Lena has had the pleasure of meeting a few times, who could barely manage without his high school girlfriend that left him so he had to make the first slut he laid eyes on his next girlfriend. Happy wasn't like them. He seemed to only like woman for one thing and one thing only. Happy and Lena sat in silence, finishing their smokes until the others returned.
"Here you go princess." Kozik said to her whilst tossing her the packet he just purchased for her.
"Thanks Koz."
"Alright, now that everyone's had a rest can we please get back on the road. If we don't hit any traffic we will have enough time to drop the stuff in our cars off at the house before we go to Gemmas." Alyson told them, pushing the group towards the vehicles.
They did hit traffic. Not too much but it set them back enough that they decided to drop off the cars and not worry about unpacking them until tomorrow.
"Lena you can ride with Koz to Gemma and Clays. Haps got some shit to handle first." TJ said to her as Ally got herself on the back off TJs bike. Lena just rolled her eyes at them as they took off in the direction off Gemmas, which conveniently was only a few blocks away.
"Well hop on then darlin'" Kozik told her with a wink as he passed her his helmet. She just rolled her eyes at him, putting on the helmet as she got on behind him, putting her arms around his waist.
"See you later Hap." She told Happy as he watched Kozik warily.
"Keep your fuckin' hands to yourself." Happy warned him before starting up his bike and taking off in the opposite direction to TJ and Ally.
"Think he knows you're in love with him?" Kozik asked which earned him a slap on the back.
"I'm not in love with him." Lena scoffed.
"Maybe, but you'd definitely bang him."
"Irrelevant. You know I'd bang anyone who rode a motorcycle and wore leather." She told him which made him laugh. "Now can we go, I'm not getting any younger."
"Sure thing darlin'. Hope you're prepared for your welcoming party."
