"Thank you for saving me. Someday, I'll save you too."
Zelda Fitzgerald
Clary couldn't get Jace's embrace off her mind. Everywhere she went, she thought of his gentle hands. The scar beneath his pink lips. The way he grasped onto her, as if she would run away if he didn't. She wondered what he was doing now. Was he with Raphael? Maia, maybe? She hadn't seen him since their last wild interaction and her heart throbbed with thoughts of their next meeting.
"Earth to Clary. Did you hear anything I just said?" Simon brought her back to reality and she blinked to find him staring at her in annoyance.
"Hm?" They were in Jordon's house, a friend of Simon's at school. Snack wrappers lay on the carpet and the sound of video game shooting filled the room.
Simon sighed, pushing his glasses up to his eyes. "I was saying, while you so rudely ignored me, that Jordon's into you."
She sat up suddenly on the couch and punched him in the arm. "That's not funny."
With a rueful frown, he tried to explain himself. "He told me and Eric."
Clary remained silent. She hadn't really talked to Jordon to know him. He was just a guy she knew through her best friend. He was cute though; that was for sure. The sound of footsteps broke her train of thought and she glanced up to meet a hazel gaze. He grinned softly and Clary flushed, immersing herself in the game Simon was playing.
"Sorry guys. Little brother needed a ride to his friend's house." Jordon settled himself next to her.
"That's alright." It was Simon who replied, a mouthful of candy corn in his mouth.
"That's gross, you idiot." Clary turned her face away from him in disgust.
Jordon laughed. "Sometimes I wonder if he does this stuff on purpose." He tugged out his phone and started typing away at it quickly.
Clary knit her eyebrows, and as usual, her mind drifted to Jace. Perhaps she could drop by again. Would she look desperate? What if he didn't want to see her? She pursed her lips. It had been four days. It was unusual not seeing him in the alley he usually hung out at. She had knocked on his door the day before, but no one had answered. Maybe he had business to take care of. He almost always did.
She clicked the home button on her phone and the time flashed in the corner of the screen. 7:42 p.m. What's the worst that could happen, she found herself asking. Clary rose from her seat and patted away the chip crumbs from her skirt. "Hey, Si, I'm going out for a walk. I'll see you later."
Simon barely nodded. His glasses reflected the television screen. "See ya."
"Here, I'll walk you out." It was Jordon, instantly standing next to her.
She reluctantly followed him. "Okay."
There was nothing wrong with Jordon. She didn't hate him and she didn't necessarily like him. It was just the fact that she was with Jace. She couldn't compare anyone to Jace. He was an individual she could only dream of meeting.
They stopped at the door and Clary wrapped her coat tighter against her body. She stepped outside and turned to face Jordon. "Thanks."
He smiled, as if he couldn't help it. "You're welcome. I guess I'll see you at school, Clary."
She nodded. "Bye Jordon."
x
It was a long walk from Jordon's house to Jace's room. She didn't know if room was the right word for where Jace resided at. It was more like an unknown lair, or an underground cave everyone thought was abandoned. She sidestepped broken glass and pieces of wood as she made her way to the door. To her surprise, she found Maia and Raphael standing there, talking softly amongst themselves.
Clary drew in a breath. Maia noticed her first. She didn't say hello, only frowned in what looked like sympathy. "Um," Clary started. "Is Jace in there?"
She must have sounded uncomfortable for Raphael's lips curled upwards. "Yea. He is."
"Can I get in?" She didn't know why she was asking the two of them for permission. It just seemed like they were guarding the door, blocking her path.
Maia shook her head. "He doesn't want anyone coming in."
Clary stepped forward, her voice a little more confident. "What do you mean? Is he okay?''
The girl shrugged, picking at her long braid. She was chewing gum, blowing it into a bubble and popping it delicately. "He should be. This happens every once in a while."
"Please." She hated herself for begging to people she barely knew."I just want to see him. I won't be long."
"Sorry. He specifically told me not to let you in. You can see him tomorrow." Maia's tone was final.
Clary would not give up now. She was worried and scared and angry. Who were they to tell her what to do? She made her way to Raphael, who was dangling the key to Jace's room with his index finger.
"Raphael." This was the first time she had uttered his name and it got his attention. He was softer than Maia; sh could tell. "I won't do anything to Jace." She was barely whispering now. "Let me in. I promise you I won't make any trouble."
Maia's eyes shot daggers at Clary. "Don't you dare listen to her, Raph."
Raphael looked from her to his friend. His lips were drawn in a thin line. He stared at Clary for what seemed like ages. "If he tells you to get out, you get out."
Clary released a long breath of relief just as Maia cursed colorfully. "Okay. Thank you so much."
She fumbled with the key for a few moments, listening to Maia scold Raphael. The last thing she heard as she walked inside was Raphael's voice, "No wonder he likes her. She's got some fire."
x
Inside, the temperature was cold. She peered around the room and found him lying on a mattress, his eyes staring intently at the ceiling. "Jace?" She called out hesitantly.
He didn't turn to face her. "Who let you in?" He sounded gruffer, as if he struggled to let the words out.
Clary rubbed at her arm trying not to let his question sting her. "Raphael."
Jace sighed. He sounded defeated. She started to walk towards him and stopped when their eyes met. He looked tired. "What's wrong?" She knelt on the ground.
He looked away from her.
She opened her mouth again, but he fell into a fit of coughs, his chest trembling with each hack. She reached forward but he pulled away, as if he didn't want her near him. "You're sick." Clary concluded.
It took her a second to realize that he wasn't wearing a shirt and only had boxers on. She focused on his face instead. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were a rich red.
"I can get you some medicine." She offered weakly.
She expected him to snap at her but all he did was shake his head. "It won't help." He cleared his throat and released a quivering breath.
She didn't know what to do. How could she help him? Her fingers itched to touch him. They stayed silent for about ten minutes, the air filled with a thick blanket of unsaid things. "Do you want me to go?" Clary asked him quietly.
He was looking down at his hands, face unreadable. "No." Her eyes widened. She watched him walk to another room, his steps slow and exhausted. She stayed where she was, wondering if he was using the bathroom or maybe putting on some clothes.
Jace came out with a case. He sat on the mattress and glanced at her expectantly. "Come here." She did.
Clary knew, without a doubt, that it was a musical instrument. The way he held it was graceful and careful, like any harsh movement might ruin it.
She leaned forward as he zipped the case open. Her hair tickled his arm and he jerked as if she burned him.
It was a guitar. Sleek and acoustic. It looked new but she could tell he had played it for awhile.
"Would you," He paused for a moment, breathing through his nose with difficulty, "grab me a glass of water?"
She nodded, her eyebrows furrowed in concern, and she went to the sink. What was up with him? She filled the one cup and handed it to him. He drank the water in a single dose. Wiping his mouth, he tugged the guitar on his lap.
"Jace. I don't think you're alright."
She started again. "Jace, will you listen to me?"
He finally whirled to meet her, their faces centimeters apart. His body radiated intense heat that she felt. Instead of answering, he kissed her. It was slow and rhythmic. His lips were burning, literally. She brought her hand to his skin. He leaned closer to her and she pulled away from him suddenly.
"You're burning. I think you have a fever." Her face was pink and her mouth was puffy. Why was he acting so strange?
"I'm fine." He answered.
"You're not. You're not, Jace." She tried to knock some sense into him.
"Kiss me." He said, picking up a bottle of beer and tipping the alcohol down his throat.
"What?"
"Kiss me." He repeated, like she was hard of hearing.
Her emerald eyes were wide and curious. She scooted closer to him and pressed her lips on his cheek. Then his nose. Then his mouth. Clary yelped when he lifted her onto his lap, her legs tight against his torso. He ran his hands through her hair and lightly touched her bare legs. She shivered and placed her forehead against his. His eyes were closed. She lifted her finger and traced it down his eyebrow. "I'm worried about you." She said.
Without opening his eyes, he answered. "I'm just tired."
She laid her hands on his chest. She could feel his heart beats. "It's more than that." But she let the subject go.
Clary peered to the forgotten guitar. "Can you play something for me?"
Jace finally looked at her. Slowly, he nodded and she got off of his lap and sat on the ground in front of him while he sat on the mattress. He strummed a few random notes and cleared his throat. She still wanted to know what was up with him, but she realized he wouldn't tell her. So she had to make him momentarily forget.
He looked lovely, sitting there. Like a movie character who was too beautiful and sad for his own good.
He began to play. It sounded like country. The pads of his fingers pressed against the spaces of the strings while his arm lazily lay atop the guitar. To her amazement, he sang. His voice was so soft. He had a southern accent and he sang of farms and country hills and long, winding roads. He hit high notes like they were nothing and tapped his right foot with the tempo.
When Jace stopped, she found herself able to breathe again. He put the guitar down and gazed down at her. "Where were you born and raised?"
"Georgia."
"You're a country boy." She said with a grin. He nodded. "You must miss home."
"More than anything in the world." And the sincerity in which he said it made her blush.
"You're so..." She started, trying to figure out the right word.
"Damaged?" He asked with a bitter scowl.
"No." She said firmly. "I know everyone uses beautiful to describe things, but I can't think of anything else. You're beautiful because you're real and raw and true."
She tilted her head to the side, trying to read his expression.
"If you really knew me, you wouldn't hold that same belief."
Her lips parted. She didn't know how to respond.
Jace got down on the floor in front of her. Her breath hitched. He didn't kiss her but he was close enough that she could feel his skin and his curls of hair. "If I could kiss you every time I wanted to, it wouldn't be enough." His tone was rough, as if he was holding himself back.
Clary smiled. "You're such an idiot sometimes."
He lifted an eyebrow, amusement flickering on his face.
"Sing me another song."
He turned and lugged his guitar to his chest.
He sang.
