Chapter 18: No, Simply No

Before I returned to my ship I had to ask the inevitable question, and when we were safely out of hearing distance from the cantina I did.

"Re…uh, Captain?"

"Yes?"

"I…well, it was so good to see you again. I …have an assignment now and I wonder….would you like to join me? Or are you otherwise occupied?"

He hesitated for a moment and through the force I could feel him being torn in two different directions. His old loyalty to me battled with something else.

"Well, I'm sorry to say I cannot. I'm sure it would have been interesting but I have some responsibilities right now that I need to take care of."

I looked quizzically at him, knowing very well that asking questions would not be proper. If he could tell me, he would. If not, I just had to live with that.

"Wolffe," he said, "and Gregor. They survived."

I lit up: "Oh, but they could surely join too."

He shook his head reluctantly: "No, I'm afraid not. Wolffe isn't quite the one he used to be. He wants to stay out of, well everything. Master Koon's death was hard on him. And then it's Gregor. He is not very stable. He must have taken a severe blow to his head when he defended Colonel Gascon on Abafar. To be honest, he's more than a little crazy, but he is my brother."

"Oh…"

My disappointment must have shown all over my face. So much for the stoic jedi behaviour. Good thing I wasn't really a jedi then.

"We have decided to settle down on Seelos," he continued. "If there comes at time when you really need me, you can find me, or us, there. Maybe it will be easier to leave when we have settled in properly. I cannot give you the exact coordinates on planet but I'm quite sure you will be able to find us."

I nodded silently.

I couldn't force him, and surely I didn't want to do that to my best friend either. But I would surely miss him as I did all the others who had left from my life. When I grew up in the Temple and later when I was assigned to Skyguy as a padawan I had never foreseen that my life would be so lonely. Even through the hardest of times there had been other people, comrades, to relate to and trust. And now? I knew Master Kenobi was out there somewhere which was of some comfort, and I had my little group of escaped Jedi on Draay 2, but still…the close relationships I had once felt were gone. And most of the people I had shared it with were dead and the rest…otherwise occupied.

"I understand," I said to my old friend. "These are strange times and you must do what you must. But I will miss you. A lot."

"As I will you, Commander," he whispered in my ear.

The accompanying embrace before we parted said it all.