Kylo felt a rush of something in his stomach, like nausea, like heart palpitations, only he didn't want it to end. Rey's mouth was softer than he could ever have imagined it to be. Another half a second and he would have closed the gap between them himself. He was glad, however, that she had made the first move. The self-doubt which he had been battling since his feelings for her had risen to the surface dissolved away. She felt it too. He now felt almost sure that at least a part of her had wanted him all this time, just as he wanted her. But he was more sure that she must hate him. Planets had been destroyed at his command, and many people killed by him, including his own father and mother. How could she want to be touched by a creature like me? How can she even look at me?

Rey felt Ben push into her kiss, could sense his relief, but also an urgency in him. But she could sense something else, something she had never detected in anyone before, other than in herself during a force-bond moment on Ahch-to. It was like desire, similar to hunger... It embarrassed her a little, but what did she have to be embarrassed about? They were both feeling this way, so perhaps it was normal. And besides, it felt better this time because she wasn't just craving intimacy… She was getting it. Or at least she was until Ben pulled away.

'Ben?' Rey whispered, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her feelings. This would be so much easier if he couldn't sense hers too…

'You keep calling me Ben' he said, looking ahead.

'That's your name isn't it?' replied Rey with a frown. That was his name, right? Had she been saying it wrong all this time? Now that would be embarrassing, she thought, ready to turn pink at any moment.

'It's the name my mother gave me, but I don't feel worthy of it any more. Before you first called me by it, I hadn't heard it in years. It doesn't feel right any more'. He kept staring straight ahead into the light-speed tunnel, the blue glow rippling across his face like a river reflecting the suns.

'Ben is your name. Nothing else. Ben Solo. Any other name you've been known by is gone. That wasn't you, it was the darkness. Like a disease, a shell you were trapped inside. I will never think of you as that again,' Rey stated in a way which could not be argued with. Then softened slightly as she continued, 'Ben Solo is whose future I saw. Standing beside me, holding my hand. Nobody else'.

'But the things I've done-' He broke off, as if trying not to cry.

'You were young, scared, and betrayed by your uncle. He has since admitted it to me, that night after we touched hands through the force bond. I may have also laid him out in a saber battle… You're welcome,' she grinned. 'You've been manipulated ever since that night by so many different forces, all bad, all belonging to the dark. You killed people at another's command— Snoke, Palpatine… Kylo. He is not you. You are Ben Solo'.

A tear fell before he managed to squeeze the rest away. Opening his eyes, he turned his face back to Rey's and stared deep into her own. 'Help me forget'.

'You almost just sacrificed your life for mine,' she laughed, 'I'll do anything for you'.

A brief smile flickered between them, and was instantly replaced on both sides with that face which Rey now associated with the embarrassing, hungry feeling. Before she had the chance to move back in, Ben removed his left hand from the steering and wrapped it around her waist, hugging her closer. She closed her eyes ready for another kiss, only to feel his face pass closely by hers. She opened her eyes wide as his lips landed far back on her cheek, close to her ear. The feeling of his gentle exhale down her neck was so extraordinary that she closed her eyes and did the same. Instinctively she placed her hand on his neck as he leaned back out and deeply kissed her as she had done to him. Her hand ran down his torso and landed over the hole in his shirt she had made with his lightsaber that same day. Rey could feel the singed edges of it rough against her fingers. Without thinking, she blindly placed her fingertips beneath the tear as she returned his kiss. There was no scar, only the hot, smooth skin of his stomach. The image of him standing half naked in his quarters flashed behind her eyelids once more. How long ago had that been? She had learnt so much about herself since that day, a time when she was unable to trust him. They'd discussed fathers. She'd cried. She felt the same way inside now as when she had turned to see him standing there. Only now, instead of being mingled with shame and hatred, this pure feeling spread throughout her body, flowing from the point where his hand gripped her waist. Back then she had wanted to hide her weakness from him. Now all Rey wanted was to submit herself into his arms and let him take her wherever he wanted.

He felt weaker than he ever had. Weaker now than each time he had lost a lightsaber battle to Rey. He was surrendering to her now faster than he could ever have imagined, but at the same time possessing her in a way that he'd longed for obsessively. But was he what she wanted? Could he be his old self? Almost the entirety of his adult life had been spent in darkness, he barely knew who Ben Solo was. But as he felt Rey's hand venture beneath his shirt he knew he would give anything to keep her there. Even if he had to change his entire being. Ben. I can be Ben. Even if I don't feel any different. Do I feel different? Then it occurred to him that she hadn't known him before he had changed sides. She only knew him as the bad guy, and she seemed to be quite over that now... His thoughts then shifted back to her hand. What was she doing? He then recalled their battle on Endor earlier that day. It felt like years ago. This day had contained more life changing moments than any other he had experienced, both sad and happy. This moment was definitely the best in his life, he just wished he could think of himself as changed—as Ben—without feeling like he was lying to Rey. It was time to stop over thinking, however. He had the most beautiful creature he had ever seen sat in his lap, kissing him, and she deserved his entire attention. Ben hugged her tighter, his hand slipping down so it pulled her in at the crease between her pelvis and her thigh. He would give anything right now to be able to take his other hand off the steering, but that wouldn't end well for either of them. He was also afraid of scaring her away, although that would be difficult in this tiny space. Not that she seemed frightened in any way; if anything she seemed more confident than he did. She shuffled in his lap to adjust her seat on his thigh and the movement sent shock waves through Ben's bottom half. No. Not now. Need to cool it down. But how? There was no way he could stop kissing her, and it didn't feel like she was ready to pull away any time soon, much to his satisfaction. Please, body, please refrain.

'Red Five, this is Black Leader… Rey? You there?'

The two new lovers tore apart in surprise at the interruption, Rey banging her head on the fighter's hatch and Ben swerving the fighter so they were jolted apart and then back together. Ben looked bewildered, but Rey was doing all she could not to burst out laughing. She reached into the footwell to pick up the helmet speaking to them.

'I repeat, Rey, this is Black Leader—this is Poe—can you hear me? Are you alright?'

'Poe! This is Rey, I'm fine. I'm so happy to hear your voice— have you heard from Finn?' She heard Poe laugh with relief through the transmission.

'He's on the Falcon with Chewy and Lando, we're all headed back to Ajan Kloss. I mean, those who made it are,' his voice suddenly dropped into a more solemn pitch. Rey had been distracted. She had forgotten about the endless casualties and fatalities there must be. But she couldn't focus on that yet. Poe, Finn, Chewy— they were alive, they would lead the rest of the rebels into safety. She needed to concentrate on getting her and Ben to a safe place to regain their energy. 'What happened on Exogol?' continued Poe. 'You better be off that damn planet already...'.

'I am, I'm on my way to… I need to…' Rey didn't know what to say. She couldn't tell him she was sat across Ben's knee, he'd send a search party across the whole galaxy until they found her safe. She also couldn't tell him where she was going or that she needed to rest because they would instantly come and get her, no matter how much she protested.

Ben knew what she was struggling with and sent her a transmission of his own, through the force bond.

Tell him you're fine but there is something you need to do alone. You have new information on your parents. You will be back on Ajan tomorrow by their nightfall.

Rey turned and searched his eyes. The new knowledge of her family name kept fading in and out of her memory amongst all of the crazy stuff that had happened in that single day. She smiled a thank you at him, despite the reminder of who her family were.

'Rey!?'

'Sorry Poe, Red Five's transmission is a little rusty. Look, I will tell you more later, but there is one last thing I need to do before I come back to Ajan. I've had some new information on my family and I need a day to… to figure it out. I promise I will be back by your nightfall tomorrow, just please promise you won't panic or try to follow me. This really is something I need to do on my own'.

There was silence other than the fuzz of the helmet's transmitter for a few moments.

'Poe?'

'Rey I wish you would just let us help you. No matter what, we want you to stay safe. I'll leave you to it, but if you're not back by dusk we're coming to find you, whatever it takes.'

'I appreciate it, Poe. I can't wait to get back and see everyone. Don't worry, my destination is a safe place. I'm turning off my tracker and transmitter for a while, so don't think I've been taken out. Say hi to the guys for me. We did it, Poe.'

Silence again. 'Yeah' he sighed in surrender, 'we did it. Tomorrow, dusk! And make sure you switch back on for your journey back so we can check in'.

Rey switched off the transmitter and the helmet's speaker, dumping it back into the footwell beside Ben's feet. 'Well done' she said to him, grinning once again.

He grinned back and shrugged modestly. 'We're almost there. Do you want to direct me where to land when we drop into the atmosphere?'

'I didn't think you'd like to be directed anywhere, Solo' Rey teased. They dropped out of the hyperspace route and Ben took them towards Ahch-to. Rey had a different idea of what directing meant. She shuffled into the centre of his lap, placing her back to his front, swinging her legs in between his, and placed her hands over his hands to take control of the steering. She wasn't heavy, but the sensation of those two areas touching made him exhale in shock.

'Oh, are you alright? Sorry, is it your knee..? I'll go ba—'

'No! You're fine, go ahead, it doesn't hurt,' he stumbled, trying to enjoy the moment, but not too much. Occasionally she would flex her neck from side to side for relief from her cramped position. When she did this he studied the movement, the curve from her ear to the top of her tunic. At one point she stretched her back, allowing her hair to lightly brush against his face. These occurrences were all a novelty to Ben, and it was all he could do to not kiss the back of her.

Rey gradually brought them around the planet and honed in on her favourite landing spot on the cliffs close by the old Jedi huts, while Ben sat like a statue beneath her. It felt odd coming back to Temple Island so soon when she had only left it earlier that day. It had been daylight then. Now it was getting dark and her attention was drawn to an orange glow at the base of the cliffs. She grimaced to herself as she prepared for landing.

They came down with a soft thunk on the grassy cliff top. Ben was dreading getting out of the fighter; It looked significantly colder and windier on this planet and he didn't have a cloak. He also dreaded losing the delicious weight of Rey from his lap. She turned off the engine and sat silent as though trying to think of something to say or do. Was she stalling?

'It looks cold,' said Ben, staring at the back of her head. His hands, he realised, were still on the steering. Her right hand was still holding his on the grip, and the other had fallen down by her side onto his leg.

'It is rather chilly, especially after dark, but it won't be so bad when we get a fire going. I'll gather some blankets from Luke's hut and—'

'Luke?' Ben interrupted.

'I'm sorry, I forgot you didn't know,' she said, sounding genuine. 'This is the planet where Luke went into hiding for all those years. I followed the map here to persuade him to train me. I was here when— the night we—'

'I remember. He broke our bond'.

'Yes'.

Ben could hear sorrow in her voice and instinctively placed his free hand over hers on his knee. Luke was gone. He clearly meant a lot to Rey. He had meant a lot to him at one time. Less so now. But he was no longer fuelled by hatred for him.

'Are you ready?' asked Rey. 'The faster we move the warmer we'll stay until we get set up. I promise it can get quite cosy once the fires are lit'.

'Let's go' replied Ben, trying to withhold the strain of regret in his voice. Removing his hand from hers, he reached for the hatch and broke the seal between them and the coastal breeze. It was bitter. Rey jumped up and lowered herself over the edge of the ship. Ben followed her lead, using only his left arm to lower himself to the ground below. When he turned, Rey looked away quickly as if she had been caught looking at something she shouldn't. She locked up the fighter and headed down the cliff towards some domed structures which were connected with various networks of steps laid into the cliffs. There appeared to be water on all sides, but it was getting too dark to see for sure. A small few of the huts were lit at the windows.

'Do other people live here?`

'Just the locals who take care of the ruins. They… don't like me much,' murmured Rey, walking off.

'Should I be concerned?'

'No, no. They keep to themselves. I've just destroyed a few too many sacred parts of the island for their liking,' she laughed.

Ben followed her down the cliff and noticed a tall pile of glowing embers. 'What happened here?'

'You ask a lot of questions,' she teased, perhaps a little too deadpan.

'I'm sorry, I— sorry…'

Rey turned around quickly to face him, taking a step closer before stopping abruptly. 'No I'm sorry I was— it's… uh. That thing on fire is your TIE fighter'.

'Oh,' Ben raised his eyebrows, not quite knowing what to say. He'd forgotten all about his TIE fighter. 'Was there an accident, or—?'

'I was angry,' Rey interrupted, unable to take his politeness. 'I'm sorry, it was a very stupid thing to do, on many levels—'

'Rey, it's okay. I was a threat, you had to take it. By taking my ship you gave me time to think. Time to…' Ben recalled the visit from his father. It wasn't a discussion for right now. He closed the gap between them and took her hand. 'Come on, find us a warm place to sleep'.

They walked hand in hand to the old huts and Rey led them past the ruins of the one she had previously slept in. The keepers had tidied up the stones which had been scattered from the walls by Luke's force. 'This is where I sat when we touched hands that night'. Ben remained silent, but gently squeezed her fingers in his. 'And then I beat him up for interrupting us,' she grinned back at him, letting go of his hand so she could lead them up the narrow steps to the next hut.

'I wanted to kiss you so badly,' blurted Ben to the back of Rey. He immediately felt insecure about what he had said and internally cursed himself for his apparent lack of self-control.

She hesitated for a second, then continued walking. 'I was very conflicted at that point. I was determined to change you, but I hated you for all you had done...'

Ben flinched behind her.

'But if you'd tried to kiss me I'd have let you'. She reached the top of the steps and turned to look at him. He stopped two steps below her so their faces were on a level.

'If Luke hadn't broken the bond you might have won me over all that time ago'.

Rey smiled with sparkling eyes. 'Come on'. She turned into the hut and glared through the darkness. He obediently followed closely behind her.

'There are blankets in Luke's hut, I'll go and get them if you start a fire? There should be a woodpile in the next hut'.

Ben left the hut with his arms full of logs and some pieces of flint, trying to mentally block out the cold, as well as the sharpness in his shoulder and knee. He was feeling slightly stronger now, but this wouldn't last if he didn't get warm soon. It would be the same for Rey, he guessed. He crossed the hill back to their hut and dumped the wood, placing some into the stone pit in the centre of it. Rey walked in encumbered with rough-spun blankets as he was blowing the sparks. The flames rose up around the wood, illuminating their faces and surroundings. She looked sullen, her eyes were still sparkling, but her cheeks were wet now.

'What's wrong? Are you hurt?' Ben jumped up from his squatting position, regardless of his knee, and strode over to her, taking the bundle.

'No I'm fine, it was just… Going in Luke's hut. Seeing his things lying around untouched. You said before that I craved a father. I think you were right. And now they have all gone as quickly as I found them'.

Ben felt a dragging in his chest. It was all his fault. There was no denying it. Han, Luke, Leia, they were all dead because of him. Because of Kylo Ren. 'I'm so sorry. I can never redeem myself after what I've done' he mumbled while turning on the spot looking for somewhere to drop the blankets to leave.

'No! Stop, that's not what I meant,' she could see what he was thinking and took them from him to place them on the stone bench which lined the wall behind him. 'Please, let's just sit. We need to talk, properly, so we may as well get warm and eat something. Then I can stitch you up if you'd like. Luke kept emergency ration packs for sudden turns in the weather,' she said as she pulled out a wad of filmy packets she had tucked in her belt. 'This should be enough to get us by until we get to Ajan Kloss. I'm going to get some water to boil. Stay here and don't move'.

Ben watched her leave with regret. Would he ever stop upsetting her? She was right though, they had too much to get out in the open. It had been a long time, however, since he had sat and talked to someone casually, let alone friendly. He was too used to giving or taking orders, not having to worry about hurting people's feelings. Luke had always told him to be kinder to the other Jedi apprentices, and at one point he really felt like he was improving his social skills. They had even begun inviting him to their late-night gatherings behind the temple where they messed around with the force, doing childish stuff. Just as he was getting used to other kids, possibly starting to make friends after all that time, his own teacher—no, his own uncle—turned on him. And now they were all dead. One of the girls had even kissed him at one point, in the darkness away from the fire. It was clumsy and unappealing then, not like Rey's kiss. That first childhood kiss had meant nothing. Rey was somehow everything. Even during their battles, even when she thrust her lightsaber through his body, he had never intended to kill her from the moment he laid his eyes on her. Felt her force. Not really, because he somehow knew he couldn't live from that moment on in a galaxy without her.

Rey went back to Luke's hut and grabbed all the things they would need for a comfortable night. They could have just used this hut, but it seemed too soon to invade it, especially after the chat with his force ghost earlier that day. She also didn't know how it would affect Ben, not that her most recent bout of tears had done a very good job at easing the tension. She must stop being so weak. Getting warm and having some food would help. She made a stop at the well to fill a large flask, before heading back towards the glow of their chosen hut. She then realised they didn't have a door. Another thing. As she crossed the threshold, Ben was shaking out the blankets and arranging them on the slightly less dusty bench. She tossed a stand over the now blazing fire. He finished his task and turned to watch her pour water from the flask into a pot which she then placed over the fire. What Rey wouldn't give for her tiny kitchen on Jakku. It was simple but it provided much faster cooking than a camp-fire. She joined him on the covered bench, staring into the flames. He wrapped a blanket over her shoulders and one over her knees.

'I'm sorry for making things worse. You must understand my conflict,' he said gently with eyes cast down. 'I'm aware of the gravity of everything I've done, but it's made infinitely worse when I see how those terrible things affect you'.

'I do understand', she sighed. 'For so long I hated you, but then I experienced the pull of the dark side and realised that Kylo Ren was not you. As somebody who has managed to deny the darkness by having the right people to guide me through it, I can see how having nobody would have made it so much easier to slip under'. She grasped his hand, making his eyes rise up to meet hers. 'As long as I live I will never let you fall back into the darkness. Kylo did bad things, but you have done so much good already. I owe you my life'.

'You owe me nothing. I already owed you a life, and much more besides. I might have repaid you with a life, but I will keep making the rest up to you for as long as I live'.

Rey blushed with the intensity of what had just been agreed between them. Their relationship had transformed from foes to allies in a single day. And now what? Allies didn't seem to appropriately describe what had been occurring between them for the last few hours. There had always been an intense sense of danger in their bond, but now it felt dangerous in a different way.

The water was bubbling in the pan and Rey broke their shared gaze to remove it from the flames and scoop some into the small tin dish. Her cheeks were dry now, flushed with exertion from her trips around the island, Ben assumed. She looked incredibly precious, illuminated by the glow of the fire, and it was all he could do not to pull her close and kiss her again. The promise he had just made felt exposing and a little awkward. But it was the truth, and he was adamant to himself that he wouldn't hold back from her any more. Verbally, at least. Some self control would definitely work in his favour for now, he was sure of it. He watched her blow the water in the dish as she came back to sit next to him. She raised one leg so she faced him and he turned to do the same, extending his right leg so as not to damage the still open wound any further. Watching her do the most menial tasks was fascinating; he couldn't take his eyes from her as she emptied the ration packet into the cooling water and lightly stirred it with her finger. Perhaps it was because he had only seen her in moments of danger or during serious arguments via the force bond. Now they were simply sat, just being human together. The contents of the dish inflated into the inevitably sad loaf, but Ben was so hungry he would have eaten a live Porg. Rey split the portion unevenly and gave him the larger half.

'No—'

'No,' she stopped him before he could try and be chivalrous, 'You're twice the size of me, and I am used to not eating. I'm a scavenger, remember. If we eat this now we can have another packet for breakfast, and there will be one more before our journey if you can bear it,' she teased. 'I don't know what they feed you in the First Order', she said, looking him up and down, 'but it doesn't appear to have been rations'. She forcefully offered the larger piece to him, so he took it without a fight and tried to eat at a regular pace, not wanting to resemble a greedy hutt. She ate hers at a leisurely pace also, like she was savouring every tasteless crumb of it, and even licked her fingers afterwards. Ben laughed, then sensed her embarrassment.

'I was thinking about how we have gone from constant seriousness and aggression to just sitting, eating, building fires. It's so… normal'.

Rey suppressed a grin as she swallowed her last mouthful. 'This isn't normal.'

Ben laughed and nodded. A slight draught blew in from the doorway, sending a shiver through them both. He got up and went about attaching one of the spare blankets over some hooks on each side of the stone door frame, fixing it at the bottom with the larger remaining logs. It wasn't exactly wind proof but the doorway was sort of sheltered and it would at least keep the worst out. He went back to his spot behind the fire as Rey went over to the pan and filled the empty tin with water. She took some sips, then passed it over. 'Here, it's cooled a bit now. Better to drink the boiled water instead of fresh from the well. We need to stay hydrated'.

He offered her more but she declined, so the dish was placed down by the fire. He leaned his back against the wall and closed his eyes, enjoying the heat inside him while it lasted. He flinched, opening his eyes in surprise to see that Rey had placed her hand on his right knee and was closely inspecting his wound.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to make you jump, you look tired and I wanted to check for any signs of infection'.

He grinned at her. 'I think after all that has happened to us today we are allowed to be tired'.

'I suppose you're right,' she smiled at him with a scowl. 'would you like me to stitch up your wounds? I did it for myself on Jakku growing up. It's been a while since I've needed to use a needle to heal somebody but I think I've still got it'.

'If you have the tools, be my guest'.

'Luke keeps a needle and thread for emergencies. If we can just keep them together until we have enough combined strength to heal you they should be fine, but they've been left long enough already'.

She placed the pan back on the fire. Then, taking a small tin box from her blaster holster, pulled out a needle and thread. This will be interesting without anaesthetic, he thought. 'I think you should do my knee first, it's deeper than my shoulder wound'.

'Okay...' she replied, then hesitated.

'What is it?'

'I need to rinse them first before I begin stitching. Your trousers look quite tight, will you be able to roll up your leg?'

Ben looked down as if to inspect his legs, but already knew what she was getting at— they wouldn't roll up that far. He could rip them more, but then he would have to sleep in wet pants anyway. 'No, I'll take them off and cover up with a blanket... if that's okay with you?'

'Of course,' she returned with a slightly flushed face. 'I'll start sterilising the needle, let me know when you're ready'. She turned away and went to work, rinsing and refilling the dish with water, then setting it to cool.

He readied one of the blankets and took off his boots, followed by his trousers. Tucking the blanket around his underwear, he folded his pants, sat back in his place, and declared himself ready. Luckily the hut had begun to heat up nicely, and he stretched his good leg out towards the fire. 'Ready when you are'.

Rey finished sterilising the needle over the fire and rinsed it in the boiling water. She then approached him with the dish and got as comfortable as possible on the floor at his feet. Much to his surprise, she took the hem of the blanket which he'd sat about an inch above the wound, rolled it back to his mid thigh, and placed her hands around his leg. As he had done in the ship, he tried to focus on thoughts of a less appealing nature.

Ben's leg was warm, but not hot, which was a comfort to Rey. It meant that it wasn't infected yet, and the lack of swelling would make the job much easier for both of them. The seriousness of what she was preparing to do was a welcome distraction from Ben's long, bare legs extended before her. Never in her life had she been this intimate with anybody, and being this close to Ben's bare masculinity was doing confusing things to her own body.

'Right, I'm sure you know this is going to hurt, but I'll be as gentle as possible,' she said, looking up at him with empathy.

'I trust you,' he said, looking deep into her eyes, and showing her the most beautiful smile she had ever seen. Get a grip, she told herself, you've got a job to do. She took the dish of cooled water in one hand and poured some over the wound, washing away the rubble and dirt. She felt his leg tighten under her touch, but repeated the process twice more and refilled the dish to cool some more. Once the needle was threaded, she set to work. It was agony, not only to feel him physically hurting, but to sense his mental struggle too. It was no use telling him she was sorry, he already knew, so instead she tried to keep her mind clear and positive for him to feed off if he wanted to. By the last loop with the hooked needle his eyes were closed and his fists were clenched on the bench either side of him. Rey had nothing to cut the thread with, so before either of them could consider what she was doing, she placed her mouth to the wound and snapped the thread between her teeth. Ben opened his eyes at the change of sensation and unclenched his fists. 'Are you done?'

'On your leg, yes!' she enthused, still trying to project a positive aura for him. 'Your shoulder wound looks smaller, so that shouldn't take as long. I'll sterilise the needle again while you swap your trousers for your shirt,' she said, smirking. He gifted her with that smile again. As she turned away from him she cursed herself for being so ridiculous, but couldn't seem to prevent herself from grinning like an idiot.

Ben's knee throbbed as he stood, but it felt much more secure now. 'Is there's much water left? I'd like to clean the tear in my pants before I cover up your fine work,' he asked. She looked half way round, past her shoulder.

'Yes, I can do it after we're done if you don't mind not having them for a bit longer?'

'As long as you don't mind. It's warm enough in here now'.

'Of course'.

He sat back down with the blanket still covering his bottom half and pulled his shirt over his head. It snagged on his shoulder where the blood had fused it to his skin, making him wince. After folding and placing his shirt with his pants, he pushed back his hair and leaned into the wall. He had become incredibly hot while she had sewn his knee, and the cool stones felt refreshing to his aching skin. Rey turned back around and was stopped in her tracks. Ben could sense confusion emanating from her again. But what was more intense was the look of awe on her face that she couldn't or wasn't trying to hide.

When she turned back around, Rey almost dropped the tin of water down herself at the sight of his bare chest. He was leaning back onto the wall, his bare skin glowing in the firelight, his long hair pushed away from his face— something he had started doing since he turned to the light, and something which apparently made Rey weak at the knees. She had never seen anything like it. Nothing remotely close. She was attracted to him— it was like he had her in a force grip, only now she wanted to be pulled nearer to him. Regaining her ability to function, she continued forward and reclaimed her place on the bench beside him. He sat forward once more, leaning his body over his legs this time, ready for her to flush out the wound. Rey saw his back, the imprinted pattern of the stones, the peaks and dips of the muscles beneath his skin. He turned to look at her, as if wondering what she was waiting for. Get a bloody grip, you can do this. She leaned forward and flushed the wound, pouring and wiping, then pushed him gently back into sitting up.

'You can lean back again if you like, get comfortable. It'll make you less tense'.

When Ben leaned back once more she tucked her legs up beneath her and began to work. Their faces were much closer this time and, instead of closing his eyes, he faced her throughout the whole process. His eyes focused on her hands, but flicked to her face every time the needle pierced his skin. Rey could feel them boring into her and was unable to shift the colour from her cheeks. She was less focused because of it, her mind constantly offering her flashbacks to that night of the force bond during which she had asked him to put something on. Right now she knew she could never force herself to suggest such a thing, that she could study his anatomy for hours without losing interest. Her eyes wandered from her busy hands down his torso, to his abdomen, just below which his enormous hands rested.

Ben jumped and let out a short, sharp cry, which snapped Rey out of her daydream.

'Oh! I'm sorry, are you alright?'

'Yeah you just went a little deep on that last one,' he exhaled into that smile again. Rey found his eyes and couldn't let go of them, until she saw his face begin to change, the smile shifting away into something more intense.

'Just one more thread to go and you're all set,' she said, breaking their gaze. She took it slower for the last one, reluctant to take her hands off him, to move her face away. When it came to its inevitable end she tied it off and moved her mouth to his shoulder to cut the excess thread, lingering this time with her lips against his skin. She heard him inhale deeply and looked up at him through her lashes. His face had become hardened, but flustered—just as it had in the elevator before he killed Snoke—his eyes focused on her lips. Rey was scared, but her fear was exceeded by an intense desire for his hands to be on her. And just like that, as if he had seen her desire written across her face, she felt his hand rest on her thigh. Her chest pounded so hard she was sure he must be able to hear it. He raised himself into an upright position and, in one swift movement, slid the hand of his newly sewn arm from her thigh around her back to pull her up into kneeling, and with his other arm pulled her right leg across his body. Rey found herself straddling Ben like he was some kind of human speeder.

Ben sat there for a moment, not quite sure what had come over him. Did he have no self-control whatsoever anymore? He was sure Rey wanted this as much as he did, but the look on her face was of pure terror. Ben, too, was terrified, but there was something more powerful driving him on that he seemed unable to ignore any longer. He didn't have a clue what to say, so instead he moved his hands to place one on each hip, and guided her down to sitting on his pelvis. This probably wasn't a good idea, but by this point he was embarrassed enough already. 'I—'

'Shh,' Rey stopped him, perhaps before he said something sad or ridiculous, he thought. 'Relax, it's okay,' she continued, although she couldn't seem to shift the blatant fear from her expression. She certainly didn't look relaxed herself; despite having her back to the fire, Ben could still see the rosie glow of her cheeks. Her eyes were wild, flitting across his face. Perhaps she was telling herself to relax. Her chest rose and fell as if she had just ran around the island. She looked like she might flee at any second; instead, however, she parted her knees further in order to sit into his lap more comfortably. During his swift maneuver she had reflexively gripped his upper arms for support. Now one hand went to his left shoulder, the other to his chest which beat as hard as her own. Ben took this as permission to lay his hands around her lower back, and leaned forward to kiss her. The force with which Rey returned his kiss shook him to the core. He could have screamed aloud with the internal and external pleasure she stimulated with her returned affection. There was no going back now as he felt the familiar pressure occurring below the blanket between them. There was no way she wouldn't feel it pressing between her legs. But it didn't matter anymore. He was acting on instinct, which felt as foreign to Ben after so many years of Kylo always being in control of himself and those around him. He had no idea what he was doing now, but neither did she, he was positive of that. His fingers clung to the clothes on her back in desperation as hers slipped around his neck and into his black mane. Finding her belt he stuck his thumbs under it and pulled her pelvis deeper into his.

As Rey lowered into Ben's lap she froze in alarm. Although she had an idea of what was going on beneath the blanket between them, she had never been anywhere near a man before. Now that she was straddling one she was making all kinds of discoveries, confirming things about human-male anatomy which she had always suspected. What she hadn't anticipated was the sensations her own body was experiencing at the slightest of touches. As Ben pulled her hard against him by her belt she almost cried out, but managed to suppress it to a whimper into his mouth. Rey felt his forearms snake around her back like he might constrict her, but they stopped at a gentle pressure, his hands resting on each side of her rib cage, encasing her until their bodies were flush together. The kiss deepened, their mouths moving against one another until Rey sensed a change in Ben's aura. It went from desire mixed with wonder and awe, to a bizarre combination of relief and fear. Rey slowed down to a stop, slowly detaching her mouth from his. As she pulled back she saw that his eyes were rimmed with tears. Her brows knitted as one spilled over his cheek.

'Ben?' she asked with concern. 'Are you OK?' searching him now for breaks in the stitches or other wounds she might have missed. He stopped her by catching her face in his hand, his palm against her cheek. She found his eyes again and was relieved to see that no more tears had fallen. 'Is something wrong?'

'Far from it,' he grinned, as if he were laughing at himself for being foolish.

'Something is bothering you, I can feel it. You can't hide from me, remember?' she smiled, but not fully. Her brows were still turned inwards.

Ben looked uncomfortable, but closed his eyes and released a sigh. 'I've waited for this. The way I feel about you has changed… so much… since I first saw you— I— I knew there was something, but I could never have imagined the degree of power you have over me now'. He gazed somewhere over Rey's shoulder. 'Every member of my family has fought to bring me back from the darkness, those who I loved, who loved me… But you're the only one to succeed. Now they're all gone because of me… and you're the only one left'. He looked up once again into her eyes. 'The only one that matters… the one who has always mattered the most'.

Rey stared at him, unable to respond. She opened her mouth as though to speak, but no words came out. Taking this as an opportunity, Ben continued.

'I told you once that you were nothing, but not to me,' he cringed as he repeated the words, as if they pained him. 'That was an awful thing to say, and I'm sorry for it. You're not nothing, and you never have been. But what I meant at the time, what Kylo meant, was that I need you. I'm not sure how to describe what you mean to me, but it's like you're my second half. When I thought you were gone I didn't know what I'd do if I couldn't get you back. If anything happened to you now I— I'm terrified of losing you… I— '

Rey stopped his mouth with a kiss. It was a passionate one, hungry. Not wanting to let go of him again, she channelled her mutual feelings to him. 'I feel it too. Together we are one.'

Sensing her message, Ben held her as fast as he could. Never before had he felt this way, and it was overwhelming. He was both tired and alive, his body thrumming, but also like he could drop at any moment. He could feel the exhaustion in Rey too. Not knowing what else to say without having any more embarrassing emotional outbursts, he reluctantly relaxed his grasp on her and leaned out of their kiss. 'I think we could both use some rest?'

Somehow she managed to appear both disappointed and relieved by the suggestion, replying, 'I think you might be right'. Before releasing him, Rey gave Ben one more kiss which seemed to suggest: fine, but I'm not done with you yet. She swung one leg back over to kneel beside him and gathered up all the blankets, beginning to make a bed around him on the bench.

'Stand up,' Rey directed, which he immediately did and stood back while she spread a blanket over the stone bench. She straightened up again and turned to see an illuminated Ben toasting his hands over the fire, the blanket wrapped around his hips. She was back in the force bond all over again, he standing there shirtless, only now the firelight was flicking all over his body, casting shadows across his chest and stomach muscles. His face was no longer as tightly drawn as it had been back then. Now he was relaxed. He looked calm. She stopped in her tracks, trying to figure out why his body had this effect on her. She had never felt anything like this around Finn or Poe when they would, for some reason unbeknown to Rey, randomly appear at her base quarters after hours with no shirt on, flexing, asking some stupid question or if she had seen something they'd lost.

'Are you alright?' Ben gently asked, snapping her out of her reverie. Before she could think of what to reply he had covered the three steps between them and placed his hands on her waist. Rey swallowed, looked away quickly, and nodded in response, feeling like a child who had been caught out. She felt his right hand leave her waist to cradle the side of her face and neck. His thumb brushed across her cheek bone to her ear lobe.

'Rest. Before we both drop', he smiled. He led her to the bench she had made and bid her to sit down. 'You take this one, I'll set up on the other'.

Rey sat and pulled up her knees, looking over at the other bench. From where she sat it seemed a light-year away. Suddenly she didn't want to be left alone and this made her feel pathetic. For the first time she was close to somebody who didn't make her recoil away. She couldn't escape Ben even if she wanted to, mentally at least. But she definitely didn't want to. She couldn't imagine her life after this if he walked away from her now. What would her purpose be? What would she crave in her loneliest moments? These thoughts rushed upon her all at once as she watched him walk away from her with the remaining blankets and make up a bed for himself.

Rey lowered herself down to lay on one side with her back to the wall and followed him with her eyes. She watched him place more logs on the fire, then settle down gently onto his makeshift bed, ensuring not to overstretch his newly stitched leg. He lay on his left, his head rested on his arm, searching the firelight for a while. Rey continued to watch him until fatigue took over, and she was lulled into a deep sleep by the crackling of the fresh wood.