"Closing time in five minutes," the PA announced, "Please collect your possessions and head for the exits. Unattended items will be placed in the Lost and Found and can be claimed during normal hours of operation."

"Sure you didn't snag any people?" Hit Girl asked.

"It's all animatronics," Merlin replied as he got up.

"They're more advanced than anything I've ever heard of," Kick Ass said, wiping his mouth with a napkin and grabbing the bag of jewels.

"They're probably more advanced than anything humanity has come up with here," Merlin replied, unconcerned.

"Must be nice having so much power you can do anything you want," Hit Girl said.

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't," Merlin agreed.

"No 'with great power comes great responsibility'?" Kick Ass asked, sounding disappointed.

"With enough power you need not fear consequences… as long as you're a complete douche nozzle," Merlin replied.

Hit Girl laughed.

"That's a new one on me," Kick Ass admitted.

"If you are a complete dick, the world is your oyster," Merlin said, "because it takes a group of people working together to explore the sea."

"The first one means you gotta be a shallow cunt to not care who you hurt and the second one means you'll get farther with friends than you would all alone," Hit Girl said thoughtfully.

"Exactly," Merlin agreed. "Great power does not confer great responsibility, unless you are an authoritarian dickhead who thinks you have the right to enforce your will on everyone around you, embracing a might makes right attitude."

"What?!" Kick Ass looked shocked. "It doesn't mean that!"

"It assumes that because you are strong you have to act," Merlin replied, "that is the very basis of might makes right."

"Spider Man is not a dick!" Kick Ass defended as they exited the front doors which lead into a refuse strewn alley.

"I didn't say he was," Merlin replied, "but his personal philosophy is right in line with Hitler."

"I never thought about it that way," Hit Girl said, leading them to a broken fire escape and pulling out a remote. At the push of a button, several broken steps moved back into place and a hidden ladder descended.

"I don't think anyone has," Kick Ass said as he climbed the ladder.

"Doesn't mean it's not true," Merlin said, following Kick Ass as Hit Girl waved him forward. "Spiderman's philosophy lends itself to abuse far too easily. It doesn't define what he is responsible for, just that because you have power you must act. It sounds more like justification for the weak to enslave the strong if anything."

"I don't have the proper training to argue this with you," Kick Ass realized. "I know you are wrong, but I can't articulate it."

"You are going to be loads of fun," Hit Girl said with a grin as she followed them up. "I can tell."

"To be fair, there is a lot of context that is left out," Merlin said, "but that all relies on his middle class Christian upbringing."

"Christianity has some solid morals," Kick Ass pointed out, placing his thumb against the corner of a broken window that disguised a fingerprint reader.

With a click a section of brick swung inward, allowing them entrance to what looked like a gym, with a break area to one side with a sofa and recliners in front of a wide screen TV and male and female bathroom doors marked.

Merlin looked around and nodded, impressed. "Some yes, some no. Not all of their morals line up with modern society."

"Can't really argue with you there," Kick Ass said, "But it's a pretty solid basis to start from."

"Take a look at the seven fundamental tenets of the Satanic Church if you want moral bedrock," Merlin suggested.

"Satanists?" Kick Ass said doubtfully.

"Let me explain," Merlin said as the three sat in the break area.

"This ought to be good," Hit Girl said with a grin.

"People who worship demons and sacrifice babies and all of that believe it gives them power because the church told them it did," Merlin explained and waited.

"That sounds right," Kick Ass agreed once he realized Merlin was waiting for his response.

"So all of them are Christians," Merlin said.

"Wait, what? How does that make any sense?" Kick Ass said.

"Because the nutsos have to believe in Jesus and all that to worship his foes," Hit Girl realized.

"Exactly, they had to believe in Christ's divinity," Merlin said. "All of the people you think of as Satanists are actually Christians, just really bad ones."

"And the Church of Satan people are different?" Kick Ass asked doubtfully.

"They don't believe in the supernatural and are completely opposed to organized religions, thus they are the only group who can actually claim the name honestly," Merlin said. "The Christian faith, in a number of forms, tortured and killed people to keep in power since its conception. Being firmly against that sort of behavior and believing man should act moral because of its own inborn nobility and not fear of an imaginary being, a group of atheists took the name Satanists and preach of the nobility of the human spirit and how people should behave morally."

After a minute of silence, Kick Ass shook his head. "Man, they really need better publicists."

"They aren't seeking power so they don't really advertise all that much," Merlin replied with a shrug. "They are perfectly happy to let people be, as long as they aren't trying to force their religion on others."

"So we only hear about them when they clash with the church in court," Hit Girl realized.

"So the Church of Satan is as far from a church as it's possible to be," Kick Ass said.

"Now you're getting it," Merlin agreed. "Anyway, they have seven tenants based on solid moral principles and I think you'd like the second one."

"I'll bite, what's the second one?" Hit Girl asked.

"The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions," Merlin quoted.

"Fits us to a tee," Hit Girl said. "So you're a Satanist?"

"They don't believe in supernatural power and I am a supernatural power," Merlin said with a grin.

"So they're wrong?" Kick Ass said.

"And still more moral than most churches," Merlin agreed.

"My head hurts," Kick Ass complained.

"What's right is right and what's wrong is wrong," Hit Girl said, "doesn't matter who's saying it."

"Pretty much," Merlin agreed. "Plus, just because someone is right about one thing doesn't mean they are right about everything."

"Even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and then," Hit Girl offered.

"It'd be nice if some group had all the answers, but we can't even agree on what the questions should be so good luck with that," Merlin said, shaking his head.

"What can you tell me about magic?" Kick Ass asked, wanting to change the subject.

"Tons," Merlin said, reaching through shadow to grab some very basic primers on the subject.

A pair of large leather tomes thudded onto the coffee table, each weighing at least twenty pounds.

"Science is easier and more precise for most uses, but magic has its own advantages," Merlin assured them.

"It's complicated as fuck, isn't it?" Hit Girl asked, carefully opening one of the primers.

"If it was simple, everyone would be using it," Merlin replied.

The Next Day

"I'm not quite sure I understand number nine," Giles admitted.

"Cats have barbs on their penis, which is overdoing things," Xander explained. "Now, imagine being able to make yourself… ribbed at will."

"Like having a French tickler," Giles said with a nod. "I can see where that would be desirable, but since you want it to be a retractable system, it requires additional muscles and veins."

"Yes, but since number five requires additional muscles and veins, this can be slotted in without much effort," Xander explained.

Giles just stared at him.

"What?" Xander asked.

"How in the world are you able to intelligently re-design the human body, yet only receive a C in half your classes?" Giles demanded.

"All today's classes do are ensure you are good at repeating what you read and obeying orders," Xander replied, "they discourage creativity and actual thinking. By the time most of these kids reach college, all they're good for is parroting what they're told."

"That's rather cynical of you," Giles said, surprised.

"I once did a history report, complete with footnotes to show where I'd gotten my information, on the pyramids," Xander said. "It was completely correct, not one error, and I was justifiably proud of it. Do you know what grade I got?"

"What?"

"An F," Xander replied. "The teacher explained to me that even though it was true, it did not match what was in the book they were teaching us, thus it was wrong."

"Definitely the wrong lesson being taught there," Giles said, shaking his head, "however, one bad experience is no reason to write it all off as useless."

"And if it had been one bad experience, you'd be right," Xander agreed. "I think it was the eight one, where I argued that the hole in the ozone layer was caused by natural events, that I gave up. The school system is set up to create mindless drones who will believe whatever they are told. I'm not sure whether it's to prepare for another war or start a cult, but you can be damn sure I don't want any part of it."

"A war or a cult?" Giles asked.

"They are subtly raising a generation of gullible idiots, there has to be some reason behind it," Xander replied. "I'd rather find out it was some huge plot and not just a way of keeping the current people in power and letting them pass their positions off to their privately educated kids."

"That makes a disturbing amount of sense," Giles admitted. "And now let's change the subject."

"Alright," Xander agreed. "Any ideas on an instant sleep ability, because there are nights when you try to sleep and your brain just won't shut up and keeping you awake either worrying about things you can't do anything about or reminding you about mistakes you made six months ago."

"There is a technique to deal with that, that you should already know," Giles assured him.

"What? Really?" Xander asked curiously.

"Indeed," Giles assured him, "It's called masturbation."

Xander burst out laughing. "Back to the penis redesign," he said cheerfully. "One is good but wouldn't two be better?"

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"You did what?" Buffy asked Dawn.

Dawn groaned. "It made sense at the time, OK?"

"No," Buffy shook her head slowly, "That… is weapons grade stupidity right there and it makes no sense. You assaulted an uber powerful being who has been nothing but helpful."

"I just gave him a time out," Dawn said lamely. "He made me think Mom had wished to have Xander's… thing hanging off her."

"He's young and easily distracted," Buffy said, recalling the incident with the birds, "he was just trying to cover for getting caught after helping Mom."

"Who he's turned into Wonder Woman," Dawn reminded her.

"Not quite," Joyce said, suddenly appearing in the doorway, making them jump.

"Mom!" Buffy yelped, grabbing her chest. "Where did you come from?!"

"The Kitchen," Joyce replied. "Breakfast is ready and we have a lot to discuss."

"Did you wish to become Wonder Woman?" Dawn asked.

"No dear, I wished to be in better shape, understand Buffy, and have more time," Joyce explained.

"Being Wonder Woman would give you all of that," Dawn pointed out.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Joyce said, vanishing.

"The Flash?" Dawn guessed.

"Let's go down and find out," Buffy said.

The pair tramped downstairs to find Willow being invited to breakfast.

"We should invite Xander and Giles," Buffy said.

"They are a bit busy," Willow said, blushing.

"With what?" Buffy asked curiously.

"Designing a Swiss army penis," Willow replied.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Merlin woke up and took a hot shower. Feeling more awake, he shifted shadow for a robe and went out to sit on the sofa. "I need my stuff," he muttered with a sigh, knowing he had no choice but to wait for Murphy to trump him, unless he wanted to walk all the way back to Sunnydale.

He closed his eyes and felt for the various paths he had walked so far. He could easily follow the steps he took… Except for the world he'd picked up the kids on, that world was gone.

Normally it took centuries for worlds to vanish into chaos, but for some reason that path was now closed to him, erased from existence.

"You awake in there?" Hit Girl asked.

Merlin blinked and looked around, surprised to find that Hit Girl and Kick Ass were sprawled on the floor studying their magic primers. "I'd be more awake with coffee."

"Can't you magic some up?" Hit Girl asked.

"It's easier to magic it up if I've already had it," Merlin explained before shifting shadow to summon an entire tray of cups of coffee topped with chocolate sprinkles and whipped cream.

"You come in handy," Hit Girl said, claiming one of the large paper cups with the name Spartacus on the side.

Merlin just nodded, before he downed an entire cup. "I love mocha."

"How you feeling?" Kick Ass asked.

"Not quite up to Walking yet, but my ability to empower others and my personal magic is at a hundred percent," Merlin decided.

"Empower others?" Kick Ass asked.

"Didn't I mention that?" Merlin asked.

"Not really, no," Hit Girl said, amused at how excited Kick Ass was.

"You can give people superpowers?" Kick Ass asked, just to be sure.

"Yes, I can enhance people and copy existing powers, and manipulate them to a degree," Merlin explained. "I'm getting better and better at it or maybe it's just getting more powerful, giving me more options the more I use it."

"So you'll be looking to use it?" Hit Girl asked.

"Without a doubt," Merlin agreed.

"I'm guessing Superman is too powerful?" Hit Girl asked.

"He's got tons of powers turned up to eleven," Merlin said. "It'd take me a year to make one Superman… probably."

"How about Spider Man?" Kick Ass asked eagerly.

"The basic strength, speed, and agility I can handle easily," Merlin assured him, "but I'm not sure about pre-cognition and sticking to stuff."

"Only one way to find out," Hit Girl suggested.

"Experiment?" Merlin guessed.

"Exactly," she agreed. "Grab a tank and some spiders and see about transferring some abilities."

"Transfer abilities from insects to humans? Why didn't I think of that?" Merlin asked himself.

Hit Girl grinned. "Because when it comes right down to it, despite all your powers, I am far more awesome than you are."

Merlin laughed and rolled his eyes. "Main characters and their egos."

Typing By: Abyssal Angel