So, here's the thing. I recently found my way back into the Fanfiction world and started rereading all of those stories that I have saved as favorites (which are A LOT) and all the reading made me rewrite one of my own FF's, Dienstleistung (which I just needed to start from scratch 'cause there were so many things that I would not write the way I did some, well, years ago.)
Anyway, you might wonder 'why is she then uploading this and not the other story' and all I can say is, my brain works in weird layers sometimes and while working on Dienstleistung I came up with this. *breath*
I might need to add that I had to delete the last chapter of this story because I now want it to go into another direction. So I hope there are still some people reading Lost Girl FF's and here is my new take of chapter 11.
Chapter 11
It hit her like a brick-stone. Hit her hard.
What was she thinking?
She can't stay.
Lauren: "I can't stay"
Bo: "What?"
What?
L: "What?"
B: "What do you mean, you can't stay?"
Did she say that out loud?
L: "I mean…"
B: "You told that douchebag of a brother you would!"
She did!
L: "I did…"
B: "You made me sail all the way back here, too"
She did.
L: "I guess…"
B: "The fuck Lauren."
Anger. Disappointed. But mostly anger.
L: "I just…"
B: "No, what the actual fuck, Lauren."
Pacing. Wall to wall. Hands in blonde hair.
L: "I know, Bo, I…"
Brown eyes following her movements. Arms crossed.
B: "You know what?"
Resignation? Hurt? That voice had so many facets.
B: "Whatever."
L: „No Bo I…"
B: „I mean, how could I possibly be so stupid."
L: „You aren't stupid."
B: „Thinking you actually stayed."
L: „It's not that I want to leave."
B: „Whatever."
L: „Bo, let me…"
Door opened.
B: „I said whatever."
Door closed.
L: „Fuck."
Yeah.
Fuck.
The barn all empty. All quiet. Just the outside screaming in.
L: „Wait!"
Door opened. Door closed. Searching blonde.
L: „Bo?"
No Bo. Just the island. Just sun. Just… not Bo.
L: „Damn freaking mother of… Bo!"
Nope. Nothing. Niente. Nada.
L: „Oh come on."
A silent plea.
L: „Bo?"
Crack. A sound. Crack. Again. Crack. Heard before.
L: „There you are."
Crack.
L: „Bo?"
Crack.
L: „Are you going to ignore me now?"
Crack.
L: „Real mature."
Whoosh. Crack.
L: „Oh come on, Bo. Please just talk to me."
B: „What…"
Crack.
B: „Is there…"
Crack.
B: „To talk about?"
Crack.
Axe laying on a fast moving shoulder. Up and down from heavy breathing. Sweat on forehead, arms and chest.
Oh boy.
L: „I really wish I could stay."
B: „Then stay."
This voice. Soft. Low. Hopeful.
Those eyes. Brown. Deep. Wishful.
L: „I wish I could. I really do."
B: „Then why can't you?"
A whisper.
L: „I have a life back home."
B: „I see."
Crack.
Back to chopping wood. We were here before. A technique to cope. A mechanism to forget. An excuse for wet cheeks.
L: „I'm sorry."
B: „Yep."
L: "Don't be like that."
B: "And how would that be?"
L: „Just… closing off."
Whoosh. Crack.
Ax stands still. Stuck in dead wood.
B: „I'm listening then."
L: „It's just, I can't just leave everything behind. My job. My family."
B: „And you didn't know that let's say two hours ago? When you stood there? With me? On my boat? In the middle of the freaking ocean?"
L: „I tend to sometimes talk before I think."
She never did.
L: „And I guess I was just…"
B: „You were just…?"
Out of character? Foolish? Not ready to say goodbye?
L: „I… uh…"
Barn-girl stepped closer. Closer. Close.
Leaning forward. Personal space invaded. Leaning to whisper. Hot breath on already burning skin.
B: „I think you were just pissed at your brother and you needed to make him stop bossing you around. And I think you chose a very fucked up time to stand your ground."
Eyes that screamed when voices kept silent.
I really want to stay.
I really want you to stay.
B: „I think you should go."
But.
L: „Yeah."
A nod.
B: „Yeah."
Skin touched skin when shoulders met. Sweat like glue that couldn't hold. The Vet turned. Watching her leave. Brown hair waving in the wind. Saying goodbye.
Wait!
L: „Wait!"
Stopping. Not turning. Just listening.
L: „Maybe you could come with me?"
A sigh. Then a laugh. Then angry eyes staring back at her.
B: „So, just let me get this straight. You…"
A finger pointing.
B: „You can't stay here with me, because you…"
Pointing again.
Bo: „… can't just leave your life behind. Your job. Your family. But me…"
An angry thumb tipping on a sweaty chest.
Bo: „… I can? Since what is there to leave anyway, huh?"
L: „I didn't say that."
B: „I'm pretty sure you just did."
L: „Well I didn't mean it like that."
B: „I'm pretty sure you did."
L: „How can you say that?"
B: „Maybe you should start listening to yourself. Then you might hear what you actually say."
L: „Maybe you should start listening to what I actually say and not what you think I said."
B: „Okay. You know what? This…"
Pointing between them. The brunette liked to do that. Pointing.
B: „… was interesting and, well, irritating. But I think we are past the expiration date."
Barn-girl turned around to leave.
L: „I know what you're trying to do here."
Another sigh. Stopped in the tracks.
B: „Well then. Enlighten me."
The blonde stepped forward. Slowly. Moving around the Captain. Standing in front of the woman with a head hanging low, eyes closed, hand rubbing the back of her nose.
L: „You push me away. You try to push me away, because you're afraid of what is happening between us."
B: „And what might that be?"
A trembling hand reached out to brush away the still rubbing one. Trying to catch brown eyes looking anywhere but at the blonde.
L: „I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I know that it is something."
B: „Wow."
Sarcasm.
L: „Wow?"
The Vet took her hand away. Irritated. Frustrated.
B: „You want me to come with you because of something that might be between us?"
L: „I want you to come with me because of something that is between us."
A snort.
B: „I think you watched too many romantic movies. Apparently people don't just leave everything behind because of someone they just met because of a something there might be."
L: „I didn't say leave everything behind. I said come with me. For as long as you want. See my world. Maybe a vacation. I'm asking you for time."
The brunette stepped aside. Passing the blonde.
B: „I'll go now. Goodbye Lauren."
What the actual….
L: „Oh boy, you are the most irritating, nerve wrecking, confusing woman I have ever met."
B: „I guess you need to meet more people then."
A hand reached out. Again. Catching a wet wrist. Feeling the fast pulse rushing through veins.
Pulling.
Forcing the Captain backwards. Bodies collided. The free hand found the overly heated back of the Captain's neck.
Holding.
Warm breaths on skin. Eyes keeping contact. Slowly leaning forward. Lips ghosted over a heated cheek and waiting lips. Wandering to that soft spot underneath the ear to stop right next to it.
L: „I know you feel this. I know you want this just as much as I do. And I know you're afraid, but we're in this together."
A whisper. Waiting for responds.
A sudden move of the Captain's head and lips found lips. Clutching together. A hard kiss. A furious kiss. A fast kiss. Cold air exchanged where hot skin met before.
Barn-girl stepped back. Leaving a breathless blonde. Brown eyes shining with…
Need?
B: „You don't know me. So don't pretend you know what I feel or want."
Her voice. Unsteady. Broke at the end.
Turning around again. Leaving. Heavy footsteps on still muddy ground.
Air was failing her. The blonde held her chest. A heart beating rapidly.
Concentrate.
A few steady breaths and the brain was working again.
L: „Just… think about it."
The brunette walked on.
L: „I fly the day after tomorrow."
Kept on walking.
L: „There's only one flight to Toronto Airport that day."
A raised voice tried to be heard.
L: „I'm just asking for some time, Bo."
Barely a whisper. Said to herself. A heaviness settling in her body. In her chest. Feeling the weight on her shoulders. Everywhere.
L: „What could possibly go wrong, he said. Well, Dyson, I think I just found the most incredible person I didn't even know I was searching for only to loose them again."
Turning to walk the opposite way. In need of finding someone, anyone to leave this island. Leave this barn. Leave this Bo.
