AN: Glad folks have liked this zany story so far! It's been really fun, but hard to write! The twins are so clever, it takes me forever to think of what they'd think up. I'll try to post quickly, but I won't sacrifice quality for quantity of posts. This chapter is a bit silly; I swear more plot will be introduced later!
Guests: Thanks for all the story love!
David-El: The twins and Lee got there first; since they arrived well before dinner, Harry never got the chance. In this chapter, you'll learn more about what changes from Hermione not connecting with Harry and Ron over the troll!
Wildcatatheart: Thanks! I'm definitely continuing; it just takes time for the creative juices to flow.
Brockster550: Yay! I'm glad you're enjoying this so far. I think they are big hearted people who would have wanted to help bullied students, which is where this whole plot bunny started…
Brys: Thank you! It's been fun to write too!
"Lee, why does Ginny inform me that you wrote her a letter?" Fred casually asked over breakfast two days later.
Lee spluttered, inadvertently scattering bits of eggs across his plate.
"Little traitor!" he swore under his breath.
"You weren't hoping to get intel on how we'd approach this challenge, were you?" George chimed in, his attention diverted from his own breakfast momentarily.
"These are high-stakes, boys," Lee loudly proclaimed. "Best big brother? Having no younger siblings myself, this is a lofty title."
He winked at Hermione who gave him a lopsided grin.
"Well, trying to sneak information from dearest Ginevra is simply beyond the pale, Old Chap!" Fred admonished, brandishing his spoon menacingly.
George nodded seriously, although the effect was diminished by a small bit of jam that had flown from Fed's spoon onto his nose.
"Besides," George added, "Ginny's loyal to us and would never betray our confidence." The jam plopped from his nose onto his pancake, causing him to look in confusion at the ceiling.
"So the information she gave me about Cind-" Lee was cut off as Fred tackled him.
"Lee, there are young, and more importantly, meant-to-be-surprised ears present!"
Hermione watched the exchange with unabashed interest.
**JP**JP**JP**
Despite the morning's antics, Hermione did not notice her three shadows as she walked towards Herbology with the rest of her class later that afternoon, nor the scuffling shadows that bobbed outside. However, upon exiting the greenhouses, she did notice the neon fuchsia pony with a pale pink mane that was peacefully grazing next to the greenhouses. If she'd somehow missed the pony, the enormous flashing bow on its neck or the huge white carriage it towed behind it might have tipped her off.
"For Hermione, the best little sister* (*unless Ginny ever asks about this, in which case we deny any and all knowledge of this event!)," Parvati read aloud from the bow in an awed voice. The first years from her class were clustered around the animal, who practically preened under the attention.
"Right, make way! Make way!" Fred announced in a grand voice. "Special delivery for Miss Hermione Granger! One epic carriage ride and tea party with the best company imaginable!"
Lee and George swept huge bows behind him.
"But first, we need to be dressed for the occasion," Fred dramatically raised his left hand and at that signal, each cast a complicated charm. A huge poof of pale blue smoke coated the entire class for nearly thirty seconds. When the smoke cleared, Hermione was dressed in a yellow gown with swoops of fabric on the skirt. Her hair was neatly curled in fancy up-do and she sported long yellow gloves. George was in a long pink gown, his hair the same brilliant red but several feet longer. Fred was dressed similarly, but with long blonde hair instead. Lee's hair was a short black bob and he sported a blue and yellow dress.
"I'm a bit old for Disney princesses," she haughtily informed them. The effect was somewhat ruined by her experimentally twirling around in her dress.
"Come old chums! Tea awaits no man-err, no lasses!" Fred cried and the four of them clambered into the carriage with about as much grace as one would expect from three teenage boys wearing ballgowns for the first time.
The rest of the class stared as the pony towed the improbably carriage and more improbable group towards the path around the lake.
"Mental, all of them," Ron muttered as half the class sighed longingly.
**JP**JP**JP**
That might have been the end of it, but Quidditch was still postponed indefinitely after Harry Potter had been-allegedly, the Slytherins often amended-hexed to fall off his broom during the first Quidditch match and had fallen over a hundred feet towards the cold, November ground. Madame Hooch had managed to partially arrest his fall, but due to the strong anti-spell wards on the pitch (to prevent cheating) her spell had only worked at about a quarter strength. Ministry workers could still be seen occasionally bustling around the pitch, investigating the situation and updating the wards around the pitch to allow a select number of safety spells to be cast by professors. As with anything involving the Ministry, it was going slowly!
And well, the next morning breakfast, Hermione appeared with a detailed scoring chart and handed Fred, George, and Lee each a copy. George had gotten 6 points, Fred 5, and Lee 4.
And thus, rather like normal, pandemonium was unleashed.
Fred charmed all the Gryffindor student's (and quite a few Hufflepuff) robes to flash "Hermione Granger is our queen" in glittery letters (he'd lost points for being "mortifying"). Lee had arranged for the textbook authors of Hermione's texts to come to the castle for book signings (extra points were awarded for the event being inclusive of other students). George bribed Peeves to follow Malfoy around and drip mud on him-for a full week-after he'd insulted Hermione's blood status and then managed to waylay the owl bringing his new robes to replace them with red and gold sequined versions. Lee had then enlisted Angelina and Katie Bell to sneak into Hermione's dorm and transfigure her section of the room into a plush mini-library; Fred had then written to her parents to send copies of all Hermione's favorite books from home to fill it. The trio had collaborated to turn all of the teachers into Hermione carbon-copies, but only Sprout, Dumbledore, and Vector had accepted the cookies (delivered by a Hufflepuff to cover their tracks). George had gotten a budding seventh-year artist to paint a portrait of all of them in their Dizzy Princess gowns and had hung it with a permanent sticking charm in the Gryffindor common room. On a daily basis, they fell over themselves to carry her books (despite her protestations that they were missing class), pick the choicest desserts, and fetch books for her in the library.
When Hermione waved good-bye to the Weasley twins as she and Lee boarded the Hogwarts Express for the holidays, the score tallied Fred: 59, George 57, and Lee 63. Hermione has declared the holidays were a "moratorium" but she would be making the final announcement the first week after the holidays ended "to spare the student populace."
However, she had failed to place the moratorium on preparations, which meant that when Hermione stepped back off the Express in January, all three boys had been plotting their Show Stopping Last Ditch Effort to be Crowned Best Big Brother. Fred and George had also started a betting pool among the professors and students remaining at the castle over who would emerge victorious that had been startlingly popular; they were looking forward to extending it to the general populace once they returned.
On Tuesday Fred, a team of owls delivered a giant box to the Gryffindor breakfast table, which- after a delay as the owls navigating where to set it down that wouldn't knock over goblets of juice and smash pancakes despite Fred's attempts to get them to do just that-contained a set of 50 cute stuffed dolls depicting Hermione's favorite book characters. Emma's blonde yarn curls bobbed as she said "I may have lost my heart by not my self control!" when picked up; Peter Pan levitated slightly and pronounced that dreams do come true; Miss Tiggywinkle wrung her paws in her apron and muttered about tea.
On Thursday at dinner George announced that a spectacular event was ongoing on the Quidditch pitch; the students brave enough to follow a Weasley twin found a magical carnival full of games and a few rides. The lights from the carnival lit up the pitch like miniature fireworks, although the real, full-size ones followed later. George revealed (under duress from his own twin and best mate!) that he had had copious help from Professor Flitwick, whom he suspected had bet on George in their Best Big Brother Betting scheme. Many of the booth workers were indeed from Ravenclaw, although he suspected that was because they were smart enough to realize the pay for two hours work was pretty generous. Even with their generous pay and asking only a knut for most rides and games, George expected they'd make a pretty tidy profit. Not that that was the primary goal, he hurriedly assured Hermione.
Lee had been suspiciously quiet all week and neither Fred, George, nor Hermione had been able to pry any information out of him. With the score at 75, 73, 63, Lee should have been quaking in his boots. Was he conceding, Fred pondered. Had someone nefarious cast a Confundus, rendering him unable to compete, George had wondered. But no amount of teasing compelled an answer. He just smirked knowingly.
On Friday, with five minutes to spare before Hermione's declaration of the Best Big Brother, Lee handed her a piece of paper. She quickly unfolded it and started to read. Lee smirked when about a paragraph in her eyes bulged in surprise and she squealed in delight. "I can take an exam to be able to skip 2nd year courses and go right into the advanced stuff?! I had been so worried I wouldn't be able to fit in all the electives," she gushed.
"You're already registered, and you'll find the exam preparation materials on your bedstand. I've looked through them myself; you've mastered almost all of it already and the exam isn't until mid-July," Lee responded smugly.
"An exam to allow her to do more work," Fred muttered darkly. "That wanker. He's definitely won with that!"
