Hello! I hope you're all doing good, another update here for you, hope it distracts!
Warning: things get a little heavy in this chapter, potential triggers.


About a week later, the sofa had been replaced and Nem was allowed back to teaching. We spent many evenings at hers, giving her dinner and ensuring she wasn't getting herself into bother by training too hard. The woman was as bad as Shouta. But likewise for me and my recovery, there was no more rest. Time to get back to work, to get stronger, to get better and be able to deal with Shigaraki.

Time for me to get back into the hand-to-hand ring.

I demolish Ura and Mina, and dance around Midoryia a few rounds before he finally gets me into the dirt. His strength has come a long way already, not to mention his speed. I took my time out and ignored Bakugo's jibes as best I could. No point pushing my luck and ending up with an even bigger set back. At least this is only physically taxing, we're not using quirks.

Then it's time to face Todoroki again.

It feels like a lifetime ago we did hand-to-hand together, when he was still a stranger. Cold and distant. Now, I suppose I'd dare to go as far as calling him my friend if it didn't also make me fear what damage that brings upon him. By being close to me, he's in danger.

I sink into my fighting stance and the timer begins. Blow for blow we match, except he does have me dancing around more than him. Damn he's fast. His hits land harder this time too. I think he's less afraid of hitting me now that we've gotten to know each other. More understanding. More familiarity. More fearlessness. I like it. A warmth is in his gaze, challenging me to push harder, daring me to keep trying. I speed up and aim more for his pressure points. One lands, yes! He winces, staggering. But I'm too quick to celebrate. I'm floored with his under swipe of a leg and my head smacks off the ground. Dammit. I don't pass out or anything, but considering the USJ fallout, we're quickly made to stop.

I stay still and let myself be checked over by the in-training medics. As someone with a recent head injury, they're being careful, and let's be honest, using me as a training guinea pig. They have to learn somehow. As expected, I'm cleared as fine, no signs of trauma beyond a bump to the skull. I had guessed as much already, but Todoroki looks relieved.

The bell rings.

Todoroki holds a hand out to help me up and I grab it, letting him haul me to my feet with his surprising strength. Our classmates head for the showers as he hands me my towel and water bottle–freshly cooled, of course. I sling the towel round my neck, mopping my brow as we walk towards the changing rooms. My stamina could do with a lot more work. Shigaraki won't go down easy.

Todorki smiles softly. "You've gotten faster."

"You're hitting harder." I pant and he blinks, looking a bit unsure until seeing my smile. Then he relaxes. "It was a good match, you shit."

"Didn't take you for a sore loser, Alex."

"Not my fault I'm sore, you're the one who tried to turn my brains into scrambled eggs." I laugh, rubbing the back of my head. He pauses and for a second I think he's gonna clasp my wrist, but he just clears his throat.

His hand coats in ice and he holds it up. "Want something to avoid swelling?"

"That'd be great, thanks." I step forward as he does and chuckle as my hands end up pressed against his chest, our noses nearly touching. His mismatched eyes are wide and sparkling. Cute. He blushes and steps back, putting his hand to the back of my head, suddenly very interested in the middle distance to our left. I am perhaps foolish, but I think I make him nervous.

His hand shakes. "Are you looking forward to your internship?"

"Hm?"

"Internships, they're soon."

I lean into the icy touch, pain dimming. "Yeah, it'll be great to go on patrol with Shou–Mr Aizawa. I'll learn so much, especially as I reckon that'll be my style of hero work. May as well start as I mean to continue."

He frowns. "Underground work? In the shadows? I didn't realise that was what you intended."

"Mainly yeah. Why? Think I'm too obnoxious for such a path?" I laugh.

He bites his lip. "Not quite what I was going to say, no. But you are quite a loud personality. Just seems more like you're made for the spotlight." His hand presses against my head a little harder. I think his fingers have laced into my hair slightly. It's nice.

"Can't say I agree." I wink. "Far too many broken cameras."

He rolls his eyes. "You know you're beautiful."

I blink and he jolts. Silence lingers, and suddenly the cold from his hands is bringing up goosebumps all over my skin. I had meant my disliking for the media, not that I was suggesting I'm so ugly I'd break cameras. But Todoroki thought I was beautiful? Since when? The guy who looked like he walked off a teenage magazine cover, fully done up and perfect form head to toe? I hadn't seen that coming; both my own thoughts on his attractiveness, or his opinion on mine.

He looks away again. "Sorry if that was inappropriate."

"N-Not at all. Just uh… Didn't think of myself like that." I shrug. "But if I come across as someone who thinks of herself as that then I guess I have some personality issues to work on."

His eyes go wide and his mouth opens and closes a couple times. Oh. He hadn't meant that either. He wasn't calling me arrogant, he was just having a joke. Paying a compliment. Uh oh. I don't need a shovel, I'm digging this pit very effectively with only my tongue.

He shakes his head. "That wasn't what I meant–"

"I can see that. I'm sorry. I'm being an ass today." I reach up and gently hold his wrist, pulling his touch away from my head. There's a slight drag where his fingers detach from being threaded into my hair. I'd been right on that at least. "Thanks for the ice. It's uh… It's helped."

"Sure." He nods and the frost disappears from his skin. "I really didn't mean to make you think I see you as arrogant. You're not. I don't. I… I'm just awkward."

"I think that applies to us both. Call it even?" I hold out my hand to shake and he nods, taking it and shaking firmly.

For a second he lingers. "Thanks for a great match." Then he drops my hand and heads for the boys changing room, leaving me with my hand dangling mid-air for a moment. The second I think I'm getting a better read on him, I lose my place all over again. Is it me that's weird, or him? Or both?

In the changing rooms, after I'm showered and dressed, I help Mina untangle her hair from around one of her horns. I swear the girl does it on purpose half the time, or she needs to consider her quirk also brings her damn hair to life. It seems to get into impossible knots instantly.

Finally, I get her free. "Your damn hair will be the end of my patience Mina. I swear."

She grins. "Thanks, Alex! You're the best."

"Yeah, yeah, no need to butter me up for me to keep helping you."

She then waggles her brows. "So what were you chatting to Todoroki about after your match?"

"He gave me some ice for my head. And some stuff about internships."

The waggling continues. "Oh? So he had his hands in your hair? All up close and personal?"

My face heats. "Mina, the hell are you insinuating?"

She winks. "You know what."

"Mina!" I grab my bag. "Don't be such a dumbass. The guy sent me to the ground and felt back about it. That's all. Nothing else to–"

"Ha! I'm so right!"

"Nope!"

I run away.

I escape towards the teacher's lounge. It's the end of the day and there's no way I'm waiting in the classroom; avoiding being stuck with Mina's active eyebrows and cheeky grin. That girl. So bright and loving, lively and fantastic. It's friends like that, with their smiles and laughter, that I have to protect. I hum, I'm getting stronger. Soon I'll be back to where I was before my USJ injuries. Not too much longer and I'll be able to properly think about tackling Shigaraki. Yeah. Maybe I don't have to be alone, I simply have to take the fight to him.

Shouta had been called away to a meeting during hand-to-hand, so I assume he's still there now. Meetings run over all the time.

The corridors are quietening down as the school day comes to an end. I wave to my classmates as they head home, and I tug on my hoody. I wonder if I can persuade Shouta into getting Sushi tonight. I've had a craving all day. Maybe we could invite Hiz and Nem too. Then again, that decision probably more comes down to what the meeting was about. Heavy duty meetings made for an easier to persuade Shouta. A pleasant meeting made him all motivated and wanting to stick to the pre-planned meals. I don't wish to hope for a bad meeting, but damn do I want some fatty tuna.

I head inside the lounge, whistling as I go. I didn't have any homework tonight, and hadn't gotten anywhere with my research so far into the League. If I'm honest with myself, I barely know where to start. Really, I need to pick Modoryia's brain. He'll have notes. I know he will. Maybe I can borrow his notebooks at some point, I'm sure he… wouldn't… m-mind.

I pause.

My whistling stops.

The lounge isn't empty. Far from it. Red. All over again. Only this time it isn't on the sofa, it's in the sink, spilling over the counter, staining the carpet, it's being mopped up with tissues and bandaging. Shit. I blink,but it doesn't go away. This isn't a vision, is it? This is real.

Hizashi stands, hunched over the sink. His leather jacket is nowhere to be seen, the white t-shirt beneath streaked in his blood. A mark runs along the back of his neck, his hand pressed to the side, holding more bandaging inplace. It's already soaked. A neck wound, and by the looks of it, a deep one.

I open my mouth to speak, but suddenly my vision is full of Shouta.

He looms, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Alex, you don't need to see this."

"I can help." I whisper, eyes already itching as I dodge round him.

He isn't holding very tight. He knows I'm right. I go over and touch Hizashi's arm, his body jolting as his eyes go wide. I expect him to greet me, to jest and wave me off. But he makes no more than a gurgle. My eyes fix on his throat and I can't move. The slash runs the full length. It hit his vocal chords? No. Maybe not. No need to jump to conclusions. I smile shakily and concentrate on the thundering of his heart. I hold the right parts closed and allow blood flow wherever I can. It's astounding how many connections there are in a neck, but it's a vulnerable part, so one I had studied well. A seat appears behind me, and I lean on my knees, concentrating hard.

Red. So much red. Shit.

Who am I kidding?

I'm not ready to do anything about this, I can't go and fight Shigaraki myself yet. Unless of course I'm not meant to fight. Is that it? Is that the answer? I need to hand myself to the League and be done with this stalling? Every day I wait around is another day for an attack. How hadn't I seen that before? Maybe I'm just too selfish to realise it alone.

Shouta touches my arm. "Some training at another facility required Recovery Girls' assistance. She's on her way. Probably about ten minutes, Alex. Can you hold that long?"

"Damn right I can." I clasp my hands. Hizashi pats my shoulder, squeezing. "Just stay awake Hizash, please."

"He's doing ok." Shouta moves around us, helping Hizashi into a chair. I hear more bandages being torn open.

I stare at the flooring. "What happened?"

"Alex you don't need to–"

"What I need hasn't got shit to do with this. I want to know, please?" I lean into the touch Hizashi gives against my shoulder. There's hesitation but I just stay put, I wait. They'll tell me. I won't move until they fucking tell me. The carpet is being stained by blood even with my efforts.

"Hizashi was on his way back from the training facility. He'd been giving a demonstration and he got ambushed by a group of five or so thugs. They got his throat immediately. He had to just run. Hasn't been able to give a description yet because he… Well he can't–"

"Talk yet, yeah. I… I can see the wound myself. Thanks." I nod and put my hands to my lips, trying to ignore the thundering of my own heart.

I have a patient to be thinking of. Come on, focus. Don't think about Shigaraki sneering at a screen as the news reads this out. Don't think of how he'll laugh and clap his hands. Don't. I grit my teeth. I'd wasted time training and laughing with my friends whilst Shigaraki plotted. It was gonna keep going. It was never gonna fucking stop. I have to make this end, before they all get killed. Dammit. Hizashi was dear to me, but they were clearly widening the net. Who was next? A classmate?

Anyone could be next.

I stare at the bandaging at Hizashi's feet as the minutes tick by, and as I hear that cane I immediately step out the way, keeping my concentration going as Recovery Girl makes her assessment of the damage. A tissue presses against my nose, and I take it from Shouta. He hugs me round my shoulders and I'm too weak to refuse it.

They need to get away from me.

No. I need to get away from them.

"All right deary, I have this. You can stop." She orders and I do as told, the pressure leaving my mind and the care of Hiz landing in her capable hands. He'd make it. Like Nem, he'd make it. But it could have been different. If they had been thorough, it could have been different.

Both attacks have glaring issues. They were both half-assed.

They were only warnings.

Shouta goes back over, talking with Recovery Girl about what had happened and what they already knew.

"Just gonna g-get some air." I mumble, heading through the far door that leads to the roof.

No one responds, but they don't need to. Every breath from Hizashi is laboured and he hisses wetly in pain as his wounds are examined. That attack could have been a lot worse. It should have been a lot worse. Just a warning. Worse was to come.

It would never stop coming.

Not till they got to me.

I climb the stairs and breathe deep as I come out into the open air. Sunset clings to the skyline, painting the clouds pink and orange. It's kinda weird to see it so beautiful out here when it's so ugly in the lounge. I go to the railing and cling to it, avoiding my knees buckling as I try my best not to just lose my shit. Nemuri could have died. Hizashi could have died. Who next? Shouta again? Even All Might? It wasn't likely he'd be so easily taken out, but if they caught him after using his power too much... I put a hand over my mouth. The bile threatens to brew into something more serious.

It's hard to think about, but I have to. Avoiding thinking about it will do nothing. I haven't got anywhere in my research, there's no trace to be found. I have no means of making contact. There's no way to bargain. It's just the simple fact of what has been demanded and what I've failed to deliver. I'm the problem. I'm the common denominator.

So really… I… I have the solution, don't I?

It's been on the edge of my mind since I first saw that red-stained sofa. I know what has to be done. Deep down, under the fear and selfishness, I know. It's cold and hard, like solid rock, but it's there. The truth. Dammit I don't want to, but it's bloody obvious when I stop being a precious idiot.

I look over the railing, the school grounds far, far below.

So obvious.

No students remain in the vicinity and the teacher's lounge has no windows on this side. No one would see. No one would know. Until someone walked out the back of the building. I swallow hard and put my head against the railing. Was I seriously considering this? My heart aches. Yeah, I am. My friends, my family; they're all great heroes, or are going to be, they all work so hard to make this world better. Thus far all I'd done is fuck with it. As far as I can see, all I'm prime for, is getting in their way. If Shigaraki was true to his word. And whilst he broke plenty promises elsewhere, he usually didn't when it came to a promise for pain. My hands hurt as I grip the railing, trying to think round it, trying to look past that damn threat. But it just sits there, in the path like a damn tombstone. Only it's not my damn name on there, it's everyone else's. After the pros, would they target my classmates? Would the League know who my friends were? Midoryia, Iida, Ura, Mina, Bakugo… Todoroki.

I suck in a shaken breath. and climb the railing, perching there.

The wind shifts my hair. The grounds seem to fall away from my watering eyes, like the height of the building just doubled. Can I really do this? The metal creaks as my weight rests on it, and I listen to the breeze. This could fix everything. Sure, Shouta would be upset. And of course, my class would too. I won't be stupid and think no one will care. They will care. They'll be incredibly hurt and upset. But they'd also be safe. This is the surest way to help them, to save them. I could at least do one heroic act. Sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind, right?

"Fuck you Shigaraki." I grit my teeth and start to loosen my hands on the railings. I lean forward, heart hammering.

But then I stop.

...

I hold on tighter than ever.

...

I stare at the ground.

No. Screw this. No, no, no! Fuck no! I can't do this.

As selfish as it is to refuse this step, I can't do it. Not to my family, my friends, and not to me. For so long I refused to allow Shigaraki the right to claim my progress as his influence. Like he unlocked my potential. How can I do this then? He'd claim it was his design, his plan. He'd win. My death meant his victory. Fuck that. Those dark days in a tiny damp room, where he pushed me to my limits and broke me over and over. It'll have been in vain to move on, all that wasted time getting stronger. I can't let him win. Not like this. Or is that just my pride talking? Everything is so confused, dammit. But I know for certain that I can't give in. I don't know much about where the hell I came from, why I was alone, but I know I survived. I survive dammit.

I start to turn, to get back over the railing.

I won't let Shigaraki win.

"Alex?" Shouta's voice gently wanders over from the doorway.

I jolt, staring at the horizon. Oh god. He'll see me right away. What the hell will he think?

Shit, Dad just wait–

"The fuck… Alex what the hell are you doing?"

"I… I just uh…" My lies sputter to nothing.

"Come over here, now." He sounds angry, really angry.

I step back over the railing. My knees are quaking, but I make them work. Weakness isn't going to win me pity right now. My eyes fix on the ground, following the lines of the roof until I can see his boots.

His hands are clenched at his sides. "The hell were you thinking? You could've–"

"Sorry." I grit my teeth. "I just needed some air."

His hand rests under my chin, making me look up. He looks furious, but also scared. His brows pinch in confusion. "Pretty sure you can breathe just as easily on this side of the railing, kid."

"I'm sorry."

His grip tightens. "What were you doing?"

"How's Hiz?" I swallow hard, and his teeth show for a second before he composes himself. I wriggle, but he just holds firm, likely bruising me. "Dad please–"

"Answer me."

I've never heard him beg.

I lick my lips. "I was being stupid. That about sums it up."

"Were you planning on–"

"I'm sorry." I blurt, not wanting to hear those words on his lips.

A shine takes to his eyes, and his hand shakes before releasing my chin. "You stupid kid. How would that help anyone?"

It could help everyone actually. But I can't say that. He's already shaking, and angry. Likely confused and worried. Whatever he'd been feeling over Nem and Hiz's situation, I just made it a hundred times worse. I always make it worse.

I shiver and a couple sobs break free. "I'm sorry."

"Talk to me, Alex. Please. I can't help if you don't let me in."

"There's nothing to help. I'm f–"

"Liar." He snarls. "Since coming back to school you've been distant. I let it go on because I thought it was you just working through things, but if you're just working yourself into this kind of state? I won't let it continue."

He's noticed. Of course he has. A quiet guy, yes. A cold one occasionally, true. But he cares. Damn him he cares way too much. Ever since he offered this street rat a chance, he had cared too much.

I don't know what else to say except to keep repeating my apology. Each time makes his eyes shine a little more. I'm just digging the hole deeper.

He grits his teeth. "What has this Shigaraki guy got on you?"

I keep repeating. He keeps asking.

Dammit, I have no idea what to do. I no longer know what's right or wrong. What's selfish or selfless. What's my pride talking or sense finally breaking through. My mind is reeling and with every shaken breath I see that couch turning more red. With Dad's blood, Nemuri's blood, Hizashi's, All Might's, Midoryia's, Todoroki's. All of them. Bit by bit, staining it until it's sodden and leaking into the carpet. But I couldn't let go of that railing because I couldn't let Shigaraki win. I have to survive, I have to beat him.

"C-Can we go home?" I choke. "Please?"

When I look up at Dad, something breaks. Be it his heart, his patience or his ability to care, I don't know. But something definitely broke.


For the next few days I can barely look Dad in the eye. We hadn't said it. The words were never uttered out loud what I had been contemplating on that stupid roof, but I know he knows. I need to say something, I need to clarify that I decided against it. He needs to know that. I chose not to, before he appeared. I turned away from letting Shigaraki win like that. I refused.

Rain lashes my window. I'm glad Shouta's not on patrol, though not glad about the reason. His injuries are doing fine, he can work, but he chose not to because of me. Because of what he fears he'll come home to find. He already asked that I don't lock my bedroom or the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he's counted the sharp knives, his medication and is keeping the balcony door locked. I finish my homework and watch the raindrops, hoping I hadn't broken this situation beyond repair. Hizashi is still off school, he had been well patched up and given some of Recovery Girl's attention. He would make it. This time. The unsaid threat hangs round my neck and pulls on my tongue, but I keep biting it back. Shouta's already worried, if I confess what Shigaraki said, Dad'll become paranoid.

I just need to handle this myself.

A knock sounds at the door before it's gently pushed open. "Alex, dinner."

I follow through to the kitchen. Smells good. I sit and stir the sauce into the rice, turning the situation over in my mind one grain at a time.

Shouta sits opposite and I can feel his stare. He pours himself a beer. "Get your homework done?"

It was the first time he'd started a conversation. Felt like progress.

I blew on a forkful. "Yup, and a little extra. Hizashi is re-really ramping up the workload from his rest bed."

"Probably means he's confident in your class's ability. What about Maths?"

"Done it during lunch, couldn't be bothered being stuck in the lunch room with Mineta."

"Fair enough." He sips his beer. "How're you feeling otherwise?"

"Fi–" I stop myself. The word is now tainted. "Better."

I can practically hear him deflate from the reaction to the 'fine' response.

I keep going, knowing he'll have already seen the shake to my fork. "I'm really starting to get along with Todoroki, it's getting easier to get a read on the guy every time I talk to him."

"Will do you both some good."

"Yeah. And I… Shouta I…" I take a deep breath. "I wasn't going to jump."

His fork hits his plate.

The clock on the wall seems to tick louder than ever, the rain getting heavier outside and a siren sounding far off. Still no words. I chance a peek and find him staring at the beer bottle.

I set my fork down. "I went up there in all kinds of a mess, but I changed my mind. I changed it before you appeared. I d-didn't want to let him win like that. I wasn't–"

"What changed your mind? Just a need to win?" He sounds angry, the thickness of his voice plain to hear, and his hand having clasped into a fist. "You didn't think about the people you were about to tear apart?"

I didn't expect a guilt trip. Anger, yes. But damn, that had hurt. I wince and stare at my plate, shaking from head to toe.

He sighs and draws a deep breath. "Sorry, that… that came out wrong."

"No it didn't." I swallow, but the lump persists. "You're angry. You're allowed to be angry. I just… When I saw Nem lying on the sofa bleeding. Then Hizashi… I–I..."

"You what?" He pleads. "What led you from seeing that to nearly doing that? Please explain it to me, Alex because I can't find the logic. Unless the Shigaraki guy told you something. Unless he's threatened you with something and you've still not told me."

Shit. Dad's too damn clever. Or Hizashi had felt the need to hand over the information I had given him that night we talked. Damn that feels so long ago. It didn't paint the whole picture but it sure painted some. Shouta won't accept a vague handwave. But the truth will panic him more. Fuck. I don't know what to do.

Because I'm a coward, I get up from my stool.

He thumps the table. "Stay where you are. Talk to me."

I pause, but then my stool continues to scrape back.

He steps into the way. "Sit down."

"I can't." I choke. "You don't need to worry. I just need to–"

"Deal with it? On your own?" He steps towards me, and tries to grip my arm, but I hold his hand back with my power. He immediately drops his hand. "Why is it you don't think you can trust me with this?"

"Why is it you can't trust me?"

Anger flashes over his features. "Because I found you up there about to–"

"I said I was sorry! I changed my mind! I can handle this."

"Believe it or not Alex, I am meant to be the adult here, I'm meant to be a parent. I'm worried! Let me help."

"What if I don't want your help? What if I can't stand the idea of you getting hur–" I stop and shake my head, marching for my bedroom door. "I know you hate the word, but it's gonna be fine. I made a dumbass mistake on the roof, but I know it was a mistake. I know." I get the door open and nearly manage to close it before he gets his foot in the way. The gap allows his glare to get through, his eyes searching me for understanding.

He grits his teeth. "You said you didn't doubt me after the USJ incident, so why the need to protect me?"

"Because you're the only family I have!" My nails scrape at the door as tears roll off the end of my nose. "I… I made a mistake. I w-won't… I won't…"

"You're the only family I have, Alex. It goes both ways."

I nod. Stopping pushing on the door. Silence falls between us for a few seconds.

He removes his foot. "Can you… Can you at least promise me you don't intend to hurt yourself?"

I stare at the ground before looking at him from under my wet lashes. "I promise."

He heads back towards the table. "Guess that'll have to do for now. Thanks."

"My pleasure." I close the door and nearly lock it. I stare at the small bolt for a good minute before I leave it undone and go curl under my covers.

That didn't go to plan.


SHOUTA POV

Shouta peeled the beer label bit by bit, piece by piece, listening to the rain. Sirens came and went, a few shouts sounded further down the street from some students enjoying their evening. The university wasn't far off. He stripped the last piece of label and sat back. University. Did he have that in his head? That she might continue studies even after qualifying as a pro? He sipped. Maybe. He guessed she might want that. She'd always had a knack for learning fast, being quick to pick things up. The beer is hard to swallow all of a sudden. He was wondering about university, and she nearly hadn't gotten past that night. Nearly added her own full stop to everything. He swallowed again, the beer trying to crawl back up his throat as his body rejected the train of thought. The rain picked up, lashing the balcony door, likely flooding the small plant pots she had put out there. He should move them inside. The student's shouting stopped, and all he could hear was the lack of movement in her room. No doubt she had got into bed; she looked so tired since the USJ, even more so since the festival and then Nem got attacked, and then Hiz… Shouta had no idea how he had missed all the signs. Just with everything else happening, he guessed he had been distracted. Not that it was an excuse. Had there been signs? Of course there were. There had to have been, he'd just been too foolish to notice.

"Selfish bastard." He muttered at himself, looking back on how he had let her circle that drain. He didn't want to intrude. He'd considered it the right thing to do, the correct way to handle it. Logically, she would come to him when in need. The image of her slight body on the railing, hair shifting in the breeze, so very close to falling to nothing, it stung the backs of his eyelids. He bit his tongue. 'Logically'. Shit. That fucking word did more harm than good these days.

Thunder rumbled overhead.

Part of him, the part that ached since the USJ, wanted to kick her door in and scream at her, bellow and rage until he broke through and had her confessing whatever the hell was going on. But the yells weren't based in rage at her, it was him, his failings, his stupid selfishness. He had been stupid. He nearly lost her. The more rational, less cave-man part of his mind, knew yelling wouldn't work. Alex didn't suffer such barbaric nonsense. She'd throw him out the window before letting him bully her. And really, the last thing he ever wanted to do was see her fear him. That ranked even worse than the current issue of her doubting him, doubting his ability to help. That stung. She had denied it on that afternoon, when he heard her words of praise and felt a little bit of himself fall back into place. In his scar she saw all the lives he had saved. But now… It rang hollow. If she didn't doubt his ability, why would she feel the need to protect him? She had said that herself. She didn't want to see him get hurt. So she didn't expect him to be able to help himself. Pathetic.

So what the hell was he supposed to do?

Clearly something was under her skin, making her act irrationally.

When he stepped onto that roof and saw her agonised face, her tiny body perched on that railing, looking angled as if about to let herself fall backwards off the side, plummeting to the ground without a sound, he thought he'd gone insane. Worrying over Hizashi and Nemuri in turn had filled his mind, and had made him try to create connections with the USJ. What he hadn't considered was that Alex was the connection. That Shigaraki might be messing with her through them. It was the reason they had kept her connection to Shouta secret right? So no villains tried to mess with Eraserhead through his kid. So it wasn't a stretch to think a villain might be messing with Alex through her family.

But why try to hurt herself?

He drained the beer.

It was a means of removing the threat to her family sure, but to think she thought of herself as so disposable made him want to vomit. It made him wonder where the hell he had gone wrong. At what point had he let her self-worth slide that badly?

Unless he was jumping to conclusions. Unless this was something else entirely and he only had part of the information. He sighed and let his head hang back against the sofa.

Asking her didn't work.

Waiting for her to open up to him didn't work.

Now he had even less patience after that roof.

Every second she wasn't in his sight he assumed the worst. He would have to check on her before going to his own bed. Simply to keep the nightmares at bay. A selfish part of him wished he could simply reach into her mind and pluck out the answer. Get the full picture and then know how to go forward… How to protect her from herself… like reading a book.

His head snapped up.

Mind. Her mind.

He went to his paperwork and rifled through until coming onto the files he had saved from the festival, kids that had really caught his eye along with the rest of the faculty. Of course. He could ask for help. He could find out what was bothering her, and then know how to fix things. It didn't need to be a case of waiting for her to hurt herself again. He could do something. Logically it all made sense. Now all he needed was to get the student on board. He set the purple-haired photo aside and raked a hand through his dark hair. He couldn't lose Alex. He wouldn't. She would likely hate him for it, and rage at him for days. But she would come round. But even if she didn't, at least she would be alive.

He could save her.


So yeah... I hope this was good for you guys, I'll see you soon again I'm sure. If there's a couple extra days in between posts don't fret. At most, it'll be the intended two week period, but for the foreseeable future, considering us all being stuck inside, I'll be uploading when I can. Cheerio!
Thanks to all of those who have faved, followed and reviewed. Really makes my day to hear from readers, in terms of what works AND what doesn't!

SHOUTOUTS:

Jerzu: I hope this was an engaging chapter for you, thanks so so much for continuing to take the time to review, means a lot. Really does. I'm also rather touched that you've tried my other stories haha, thanks for mentioning. The mind games are indeed out and about, and for all his childishness, Shigaraki has a strong grip on Alex. Thankfully not too strong yet though ;) thanks again!