Hello hello! Another longer update for you guys. I know the past few updates have been more about aftermath/recovery/character development than action etc. but I do promise the action will return soon ^-^ I'm just having fun with these calmer moments and such.


Best way to get past a semi-mental breakdown? Training. Applying myself to my coursework keeps me on task, keeps me focused on the future instead of the past. My body's go-to defence for stress being blocking things out and panic attacks sucks, but I can seek to change that. And that'll take time.

So first things first.

The following day, I focus on this dumbass Ultimate move. With Work Studies looming, I have to make progress; I can nearly summon it myself, but the whiplash is intense.

Shinsou holds ice to my neck. "You nearly hit the edge of the arena this time."

"Mm." I breathe deep through my nose. Whiplash hurts in that sharp way that a needle does, every nerve shouting, making your eyes water. Ow.

"You've only managed a couple metres before now. It's an improvement."

I nudge his knee and give a thumbs up. I appreciate the attempts to console my idiotic self, praise feels like mud sinking into my clothes. I know why I'm distracted, and I'm tired of it. The damn guilt. Toshi said that he does not blame me, and I need to trust that. Or rather, I need to convince my head to trust that. Or maybe it's my heart? I don't fucking no. That, or I'm just a huge hypocrite.

I sip my water and manage to straighten up.

"You really think I've improved, Shinsou?"

Purple eyes narrow at me. "Suggesting I'm a liar?"

"Of course not." I chuckle at his smirk.

Why the school allowed the likes of Mineta or the Koji guy (no offense dude, you totally dismantled Hizashi that time, but how the hell did you take down robots?) but not Shinsou, I'll never understand. Mind control. I mean... Come on! Shinsou is a hero. I can see that easily, and I'm a moron.

I sigh. "Thanks, it's hard to see progress when my body is refusing to cooperate."

"Makes sense. Think you'd be up for being my guinea pig soon? Nothing that'll tax your injury of course."

"It's a strain, not a damn injury. I ain't made a new one." I snort, refusing that word like a damn curse. Injury. Nope. No more hospital visits, enough was enough. I carefully move my head and find no pain. "I'm good."

"Y'sure?"

"Yes, you're not gonna get in trouble from my Dad."

He smirks. "Just checkin'."

"Kiss-ass. All right, let's try this. Then I wanna try catching multiple projectiles."

In the middle of the arena I wander aimlessly and let my mind drift; coursework, homework, Toshinori's kindness and red stains on handkerchiefs. I think about the pressure Midoryia endures, about Bakugo and the bridge I need to rebuild. I then smile–Sho lands in the spotlight. I should go see him tonight, unless he's still buried under extra studies. I could at least take him a nice cup of tea though, maybe Momo would have a special one I could use. Then I think about Dad and the fact that he'd still not mentioned any progress on finding out the truth, or lack of, to All for One's claims about my parents. Is he stalling? Or is the investigation just finding nothing? If the latter, surely he'd have said something?

It's been a few minutes, but still no inkling of an order appears.

"Fuck!" Shinsou kicks the dust. We had made progress with his AOE intentions, but it took a lot of focus for him to manage it. We had already considered that he might need to change tactics, his power might simply not be at that level yet. Even if he does make it happen, he's usually exhausted, and that's not going to help on the field, in the moment of a battle.

"Break?" I call and he nods, muttering angrily at himself.

He's working so hard. There were already rumblings about him being considered for a class transfer, which me and Dad yelled 'fucking obviously' in perfect unison at. It was eerie. Hizashi suggested we just commit and get me a black jumpsuit and capture weapon. I laughed whilst Dad threw his empty coffee cup across the room. But I saw the smile, he kinda loves the idea as much as it sickens him. Mini Miss Eraserhead. Still makes me chuckle now.

I sling my arm round Shinsou's hunched shoulders. "C'mon, what's going on in that head?"

"Just tired."

I squeeze. "Stop the masking, you know you're shit at lying to me buddy."

It was true, we had gotten closer. The guy is easy to get along with once you got past the chip on the shoulder, which I obviously had an advantage with considering his guilt. His guilt. The lightbulb above my head should have blinded the city. Shinsou is perfect for figuring out how to move past guilt. Hopefully.

He couldn't still be feeling bad about Dad asking him to mind control me. Surely?

Focus Alex.

He scuffs the dirt again and I wait. He sighs. "I heard that Mineta shithead talking today."

"Always a horrible experience, yes, confirms he's still breathing." I smirk and we share a chuckle. "But come on, what's got in your head about that?"

"He said such demented shit... About you, your classmates, anyone with a pair of boobs. Like they were meat in a butcher shop." He grit his teeth. "It's fucking disgusting that he gets to be on the hero course… I just… I don't know why I'm trying so hard, if that's who they let in."

I hum. He hadn't meant to accidentally/technically insult the rest of our class as well, kinda hinting that we were also filthy. He's awkward and bad with words because he rarely uses them. I let it pass by the time it's gone in my ears–he'll realise in a second and freak out, but in the meantime I can think.

Do I tell him about the money thing that Dad told me? I don't want to share information given in confidence, but I don't want Shinsou losing faith in the system. It's shit that money wins over talent, but that had to count better than the system being blind to Mineta being so vile.

Hmm… what to do–

"Shit!" Shinsou jolts. "I didn't mean–"

"Calm your awkward arse down." I tug on his hair. "I'm gonna tell you something my Dad told me in confidence okay? At least I assume it was in confidence… he's not great at withholding shit from me once we get chatting about his job… so um… Secret, okay?"

Shinsou continues to blush, but nods.

I nod back. "All right. So basically, Mineta is only here because the little cretin has wealthy parents and right now the school needs favours. So… it's not a blind system, just a teeny bit fucked up. Does that help?"

Please say I did the right thing.

Please.

E

Shinsou's expression clears. For a second I'm expecting it to crumple into anger, for a rant to begin. But it doesn't.

He smiles. "Weirdly enough… that does help." He laughs, making me wonder how anyone ever suggested he could be a villain. Cinnamon rolls were more threatening. "I guess it just gets under my skin. Then there's those that are so naturally gifted with powers suited to being heroes. They don't… They don't appreciate what they have. It's hard to move past."

I blink. Well that was a bit bitter.

He continues. "Like that Midoryia guy I had to fight at the festival. So much strength. Power types get all the glory. It's ridiculous. And they themselves don't even understand the gifts they've been given from birth."

Oh boy, that couldn't be more wrong. But I have no way of rebutting it without landing sharing a secret that isn't mine to share. Maybe. Unless I can be careful about my words. Hmm.

Shinsou frowns. "You're different though."

I tilt my head. "How come?"

"Because you've struggled. You've had to fight so hard to survive, to keep going."

I frown, and as he opens his mouth to continue, I shake my head. His lips close. I run his words through my mind and keep coming up with a big 'what the hell' afterwards. I know Shinsou has been dealt a bad hand, but the idea of him looking at hard workers like Mudoryia, Iida and Ura even and scoffing, whilst giving me some kind out… no. No, I can't let that slide.

"So because you know I've had struggles, I'm exempt to this contempt for other people with quirks 'suited to being heroes'? Despite the fact you dunno what they have or haven't struggled with. Is that right?"

He looks to the side. "Dunno that I said it like tha–"

"Ya kinda did, Buddy." I tilt my head the other way. "So, what did you mean, if that's not right?"

He toys with the words. The bitterness glimpsed in the Sports Festival bubbles to the surface. I get it, he's been told so many times he would be better suited to being a Villain. That has to hurt. I've seen how much it hurts Bakugo. But that doesn't mean I can just let Shinsou be bitter at the world. That won't help. If anything, it could hold him back.

He shrugs. "They all just seem to have it so easy."

"'Seem' being the main point." I wait till he looks at me to smile, and he looks down. "Really, you've zero idea how hard they have had to work. And I can tell you myself, that even since being in school, they've all worked very hard. Except maybe the aforementioned waste of oxygen Grapeshit."

He draws patterns in the dust. "But…"

"I'll wait. I'm not meaning to make excuses for them Shinsou, but I'm not gonna just smile and nod whilst you make some big-ass assumptions about my friends."

He continues to draw. "Guess I hadn't figured that they might've struggled as well."

"Even if they haven't, what the fuck does it matter?"

He blinks at me.

I shake my head. "We don't all need a fucking warzone badge of honour in order to count as 'worthy' of being heroes, do we?"

He shrugs.

I shove his shoulder. "No, we fucking don't. If we have determination and are willing to put in the bloody work, anyone has the right to try. You don't need a fucking violin solo peaking in the background in order to wear the UA uniform."

He clicks his tongue. "I guess."

I roll my eyes. "Would ya stop sulking and listen?"

"I am listening." He sighs, closing his eyes and hunching. "Just kinda sucks to lose my moral high ground."

I snort and lie back. "Consider it crumbled."

There's a gentle quiet for a few minutes before he nudges my side. "Sorry. I shouldn't have demeaned them like that… You're right."

"I know I'm fucking right." I laugh and look at his daft down-trodden looking face. "You listened, that's what matters. I'm not suggesting you suddenly have to become everyone's friend when you get transferred–"

"If."

"When." I wink. "But you can at least attempt at seeing the effort they put in, alongside any bitterness you still have about the School's fucked up system. Okay?"

"Sounds good." He smirks. "Thanks Alex. You're good at calling out my shit."

"Dare I say it… we're friends?"

He takes his own turn for rolling eyes. "Yeah, yeah, guess so. You're a decent ally to have."

"And a stellar guinea pig. Wanna give your Ultimate another shot?"

Determination lit his gaze and we took up our positions. I think aimlessly again, ending up on an image of glaring cinnamon rolls when all of a sudden I know I need to tie my shoes. I'm knelt down tying them needlessly when I jolt.

Was that…?

I look and find Shinsou sweating, eyes bloodshot and hands clenched. I grin. He did it. He swallows hard and closes his eyes, wanting to try again. I keep wandering, and then my tongue feels heavy. Oh god don't make me sing Shinsou, I'll rip your hair out.

Words tumble out of me. "How did you deal with your guilt about the thing that happened between us? I don't blame you, but I know you blamed yourself like a tit, and I'm doing that now because of All Might being weakened because of my idioticness and weakness. Then there's the issue with Bakugo hating me for interfering and I hate it because I fucked up a friendship before it even started, but he fucked up too obviously. No need to make excuses for the shithead. But still I know I–" I slap my hands over my mouth.

Shinsou is wide-eyed as his hands come up. "I didn't intend it to be that in-depth! I just wanted to know what you were avoiding talking about..."

I glare but take a calming breath. He's still getting used to this move. He's trembling from the effort, it might have flared beyond his control. No need to scold him. It's not his fault I'm a basket-case.

I go over, still holding my hand in place as I sit next to where he has crouched.

The dust settles.

I grumble and speak from behind my hand. "The fuck was the command?"

"Explain what's been on your mind."

I grumble again and hug my knees.

He nudges my shoulder. "So… You're feeling guilty about...a couple things. But firstly, All Might's retirement?"

I nod.

"Alex, you're being an idiot."

I stick out my tongue.

He nudges again. "Can I offer my two cents?"

I nod, curling tighter. I hate that I'm dragging this out of him.

He draws a deep breath. "To be honest I hadn't dealt with it much until we started training together. I… Well I wasn't tormenting myself, like you seem to be, but I definitely had the guilt still. In our training though, it's gotten easier."

I raise a brow.

He continues. "You trusted me to spar, trying our quirks, to use mine on you in order to access your power. It… It was amazing. You showed your forgiveness without even realising it. Because you really didn't resent me. I wasn't going to be able to believe that without seeing it." He pauses and tilts his head. "Do you genuinely think All Might would blame you?"

"I know he doesn't." I hang my head. "He said so himself but… I just…"

"Find it hard to believe." He rumbles and I nod, putting my head in my hands. I'm pathetic. He nudges me again, waiting till I've peeked out from behind my hands. He rolls his eyes. "So… You need to spend time with him. I don't think it'll be hard to get All Might to show his lacking resentment. The guy lives to serve. He can't do that physically as a hero anymore, so ask for theoretical help. Learn from him. Work with him. Got it?"

"Yeah… You're right."

"And I didn't even need to control you to say it… Damn I'm having a successful day." He snickers and I join in. He has the same sass as my Dad, maybe that's why we get along so well. "Dunno what to suggest about the Bakugo guy though… He's a whacko as far as I'm concerned. Far too noisy."

I hum. "Yeah… I'll figure that one out."

"I don't doubt it. You're tenacious." He looks up at the ceiling, the darkness under his eyes a little less pronounced today. "Alex... d'you really think I have a chance with the hero course?"

"If I didn't, why would I be training with you?"

"Yeah, guess so. I should probably get going, you want to walk back to the dorms together?"

I shake my head. "I'll stay, might try multiple objects at once."

"Oh shit you said you wanted to–"

I put my hand over his mouth. "Go Shinsou, I can train by myself. Plus, big spaces tend to work better than my room for thinking."

He heads out. Clang. The door's echo eventually dies down and I just listen to my breathing as I lie back. No one else would be in for training tonight in all likeliness. But then again, I could always scarper if they did.

It won't be long until we have Work Studies–I think Dad said they were soon. I better get to take part. This damn back injury can't hold me back forever. Then again, I guess that's also down to me being careful with it. Can't push too far. I raise my hand to the ceiling, watching the sunlight run along the scar from Bakugo's slip-up. I need to corner him, to make him listen, or at least let us clear the air.

"Oh! Sorry Alex!" Midoryia suddenly chirps from the side of the room.

I prop myself up on my elbows. "You want the space? I was just catching my breath."

He comes over, scratching the back of his neck. "I saw Hitoshi going along towards the dorms, were you training with him again? I hear he's getting really good. Not that he was bad before, nearly beat me in the festival, but–"

"Yeah we were training." I nod, glad to break his ramble before he got out of breath. "He's doing great, but we're all coming a long way. You need help? Or would you rather be alone?"

He blinks. "Oh! I wouldn't wanna put you out."

I get up and gesture to his arm as he kneaded it. I'd noticed in the past couple weeks that his movements were occasionally stiff like Dad's were. "I can show you some exercises my Dad's been doing for his elbow injury? Might help loosen your arm when it's aching."

His face lights with a smile. "That would be amazing!"

Soon enough he has the exercises memorised. I also stress the fact that he shouldn't overdo them. Dad had found out the hard way, and I had gotten to scold him.

Midoryia laughs softly. "It's so strange to think of Mr Aizawa being scolded by you, and yet also totally normal. Weird, huh?"

"That's me and my Dad." I grin. "So what did you have planned before I started fiddling with your elbow?"

He blushes. "Oh well... I um… Well I am only getting to come train because it's with All Might's. He's coming soon to give me some pointers but um… it'd be great to have a sparring partner. If he doesn't mind."

It seems the universe is intent on giving me a golden opportunity on a golden afternoon.

"Sounds great. Before we spar though…" Midoryia is going to be my best bet on an inside opinion. I'd ask Kirishima, but he wouldn't know where to start. He barrels through Bakugo's bad moods without issue–I, on the other hand, create them. "Mirodyia, can I ask you something about Bakugo?"

He blinks. "Sure. Dunno how much help I'll be, but I can try. What's up?"

"I fucked up the other night. Pushed too far, made him lose his rag in a big way and now… now I can barely be near him without him bolting in the other direction."

That morning specifically, Bakugo had literally taken one look at me in the kitchen before doing a U-turn and storming back up the stairs. He skipped breakfast entirely.

Midoryia frowns. "Lose his rag? What happened?"

I tap the new scar on my arm. "His quirk flared."

"Kacchan… Did that?" He shakes his head and mutters to himself for a moment before resurfacing and glaring. "Alex, this isn't yours to fix. If he hurt you then he–"

"Should apologise, oh I intend to make that fucking clear as well. But you know I'm gonna have to make the first move, Midoryia. Or else it'll never get resolved."

He opens his mouth to argue, but then closes it. I have a point, and he knows it. No I'm not pretending I'm the big villain here and the poor-little-innocent-Katsuki-Bakugou-Fuckface is entirely innocent. Far from it. But someone has to start the conversation.

Midoryia shrugs. "My main advice would be… not that you need it… but, don't let him push you around. He'll lash out. He'll use any wall he can. But keep going. I highly doubt he'd ever allow himself to lose control of his quirk like that again. No doubt that's rattled him."

"Yeah… Whole other guilt issue." I snort, but then I insist we start to spar before Midoryia can continue to question. Now was not Alex therapy time. No. It's sparring, helping out my pals who are going to be amazing heroes time.

Let's go.

We get some light sparring in before Toshinori appears, wearing baggy work-out clothes. He doesn't turn into his big form anymore, so I have to wonder if he likes the bagginess to hide his frame. I hope not, that would indicate too much shame. He seems surprised to see me, but gives a happy wave. Midoryia continues to do stretches, muttering strategy.

Toshinori looks between us. "You two been here long?"

I shake my head. "No, I was here earlier with Shinsou but I thought I'd stick around and be a sparring partner for Midoryia if that's alright with you?"

"Happy to have you young Alex!" He beams and pats my shoulder, bringing out notes and starting to go over them with Midoryia. I do some stretches, glad to know how immediate this cure suggestion from Shinsou might take effect.

It isn't exactly how I planned it, but at least I get to practise multiple targets.

Using dust to show their position, I create small discs of 'shields' hovering at different points. Midoryia strikes them and I keep them moving, Toshinori keeping track of Modyria's form. It's hard to keep up, but I manage. Until one of his strikes dislodges my focus and I'm skidding back, wobbling on my feet. Damn, Midoryia packs a punch.

"Sorry!" He scrambles over and I wave off his fussing. "Maybe we should stop?"

"I'll take a breather, okay? You're doing awesome. Or at least it looks like it from where I am." I chuckle as he helps me to the side, staying nearby in case my back decides to get antsy. It doesn't, thankfully. Once I'm sat with Toshi, Midoryia heads back out to continue to refine his form.

I sip my water. "How's he doing?"

"Splendid. You both are."

I blush and take another drink.

He simpers. "And you're both terrible at taking compliments. But I mean it Alex. The big shields are impressive, but holding those different points so steady, and moving them, and withstanding the force of young Midoryia's punches? It's great. You're coming a long way, like the rest of the class."

I bite my lip. Has he been talking to someone? Has Dad let slip about my physio paranoia? When the frustration got too much and I'd finally spit it out, that I'm terrified of being sidelined. That I already peaked. That all there is left, is for me to go downhill...

Toshinori nudges me. "I mean it, kid."

"Yeah… Thanks Toshi, thanks a lot."

Midoryia stops and looks at us, eyes wide and grin wider. "Toshi?!"

I purse my lips as Toshinori tries to dislodge that tid-bit of information from our note-taking fiend. Yeah. Shinsou was right, this does help. Every smile, every kind look, every casual nudge and chuckle. I feel like I can start to trust the fact that Toshinori doesn't blame me. That maybe I didn't kill the Symbol of Peace.


After training we head back to Dorms as the sun starts to set, the last of the light turning the sky a burnt orange. Mirodyia keeps practising his kicks as we go, looking like a Kangaroo as he hops around. Sho is on his balcony, talking into his phone. I give a wave. He returns it, a small ice flurry drifting down against me and Mirodyia as we head for the front door.

Me: [Show off, can I come see you tonight?]

I send this before realising it's only going to make his phone buzz in his ear, because he's literally using it. Whoops. I consider sending a sorry but then stop myself. I'm a twit.

Me and Midoryia head for the kitchen, me grabbing some water, him grabbing a broom. He was allowed to do his training with Toshinori but now he had to get back to house arrest duties. Poor guy. Still, kinda made his own bed I suppose.

"How much longer you got this, Midoryia?"

"My House Arrest ends tomorrow, Bakugo has another day after that."

Stamping steps appear from round the corner. "Don't fuckin' talk about me behind my back ya fuckin' nerd!" He grabs rubbish from the seating area and starts to fill a bag. "You still gotta do the damn dusting over here as well. I did it this morning!"

Mirodyia nods and adds it to his list. "Got it Kacchan."

"And don't forget to–"

"Pretty sure you're not in charge of House Arrest." I snort with a raised brow, having been glad to see Bakugo not immediately leave the room with me in it. But I don't think he'd registered my existence yet. He takes one look and does another U-turn. "Oi, I'm talking to you."

"Yeah, yeah." He grabs the bags of rubbish and storms outside.

I move to a chair to sit down, back twinging. Maybe I pushed too hard with sparring. Or the tenth kilometer this morning. Or the training with Shinsou. Ach fuck. OK… I did too much. I'll admit that. In my head.

Midoryia leans on his broom. "You were right, he's more wound up than usual."

I nod. "I need to clear the air soon, or I'm gonna destroy the idiot."

"Yeah.. though I have to say, this is him calmer. Less volatile than when we were at school."

This being Bakugo chilled out is astounding. How violent was his temper before? How had no one died? Jokes aside, it peaks my interest. I don't mean to pry, but at this point I'm about to smack Bakugo's head off a wall. He's had release with Midoryia, he's finally admitted to his guilt over All Might, but he's still being a bitch to me. I'm patient but I'm not a saint.

If I can understand him, can I help him?

I raise a brow. "How's this less volatile?"

"Oh, well…" Midoryia tilts his head, detailed memory no doubt flickering back to the past like many would flick through a photo-album. His mind is amazing. "He doesn't get angry for no reason and isn't quite so… Pointy." Midoryia seems happy with that word, but I'm lost. I stay put and he notes my confusion. He bites his lip. "Uh… Like… Well like his opinions used to be kinda black and white? Like uh... When he thought people without quirks were kinda useless."

I tilt my head. "You used to have no quirk."

He flinches and looks around, but I have of course double checked we are alone. Give me a little credit Midoryia.

I lean forward. "What did Bakugo do to you?"

"Why does he have to have done anything?"

His blush tells me, whatever it was, it wasn't good. I glare where Bakugo disappeared and sip my water. It was good to know Bakugo had come a long way, but maybe there's still guilt in his way now. Maybe. If not, I still wanna know what's going on.

"Don't wanna tell me what happened, Midoryia?"

He grips his broom. "I didn't intend to gossip."

I get up and take my bottle with me. "Neither did I, thanks for the chat."

"What're you… Alex? Alex where are you going?"

"Gonna go pop a bubble."

"Alex wai–"

I leave the dorms and look around for our 'pointy' classmate. I probably shouldn't be walking right now, but I don't have time to be precious about my back. Bakugo heads into the treeline by the bin building. I start to follow, intending to 'bump into him' on his return. The trees will avoid us being watched, and there's no easily made escape. I'm ending this fight today, I do not have the patience for it to continue. I want to be his friend, I want to help him, but I won't allow Bakugo to snap at me any longer. I'm a friend, not a punching bag.

He's muttering and scuffing the ground on his way back. Something about 'nerds', 'meddling' and his 'own shit'. I can safely assume I am one of the aforementioned nerds. I'm certainly a meddler. And of course that was what he called his problems when we argued before, his 'own shit'. Right. Gotcha. I think I'm caught up.

When he spots me on the path, his pace slows. His eyes scan me and a brow raises. His hands shove into his pockets and he hunches his shoulders, already in defence mode. I approach. He stops completely.

"The fuck do you want?" He snaps, eyes cast to the side.

I stop about a metre away, the waning sun washes down, afternoon turning into evening. I thought his fight with Midoryia had helped clear his head, but he's still this tightly wound. That didn't help anyone. A breeze sends leaves between our feet, and my hair in front of my eyes.

I can't let this fester.

I draw a deep breath. "I wanna talk."

"Why?"

I roll my eyes. "Because you're acting like a pouty bitch with me and I fancy dealing with it. And I wanna fix whatever it is that I fucked up."

My back twinges as he cringes from my words.

His glare rakes over me. "You didn't do anything."

"Clearly I did or you wouldn't be snarling at me." I step forward, pausing when pain lances down one of my legs. Dammit. Stop moving. I concentrate on holding myself up, the strain on my power instead of my body. One thing at a time. "I'm sorry if I crossed some kind of line that night in Kirishima's room, I didn't mean to. I only wanted to–"

"Help. Yeah, I know. It's all you ever want and it's fucking annoying."

I can't help but look down. He's right of course, it's annoying, of course it's annoying. I'm just being nosy. This is all damn clear to me and yet I want to keep going. Is that me wanting to help him, or myself? Am I just pushing my wants onto him before he's ready? Maybe. Guess I'm just a selfish ass then.

I grit my teeth. "Guess I'll stay annoying."

"Fuck sake."

I look back up, expecting him to be marching past, shoving me on the way. But no. He's stock still, but his eyes are locked on my shivering leg. It had started twitching with the pain. His head is so far up his own ass, and yet he notices that? Yeah, like this guy could ever be a villain.

I shake the leg out, holding my back harder with my power. "Don't change the subject Bak–"

"Why're you making yourself stand when you clearly need to sit your broken ass down?" He marches closer, stopping just shy of crashing right into me. Normally I'd step back, as it is, I'm stuck.

I click my tongue. "I knew you'd dodge even worse in the dorms, thought outside you might actually speak honestly. Instead of this spiky refusal over and over."

"Half-n-half'll kick my ass if you go and strain yourself because of me."

I roll my eyes. "Sho isn't my damn keeper. And stop deflecting–"

"I'm pissed off at myself, Alex. Is that clear enough? Ya didn't do anything wrong, I'm just being a salty bitch and wondering why the hell you even care after I burned you." He rattles it off, eyes dipping about halfway through as his teeth click together. "There. Now go inside and sit the fuck down before you fall down."

"You're an idiot." I sigh, easing myself to sitting on the ground. He glares. "I sat down. Now be a pal and sit with me." I rub the small of my back and wait. He'll do it. He's not actually an asshole.

"Could just leave you there."

"Yeah, but if you were gonna do that, you'd have just walked off instead of looking ready to carry me back to the dorms." I smirk, glad to see that twitch at the corner of his mouth. He's still in there. The guy I was forming a friendship with, the guy that came to the hospital at 3am, the guy that helped Sho talked me out of falling into darkness. Come on Bakugo. Come back.

He sits. "Couldn't carry you anyway, bet you're fucking heavy."

"If weighed down by my impatience for your bullshit, maybe." I raise a brow as he purses his lips against laughter. I've got him. He's at least listening. "I saw your fight with Midoryia."

He blinks. "Huh?"

"Why'd you think my Dad didn't kick your asses?"

He blinks again. "He didn't?"

"Not nearly as much as he wanted."

Slowly Bakugo nods, looking to the side and chewing on the inside of his cheek. Dad had been harsh, but the rant had definitely not been his worst. Which it could have been. Out after hours, using quirks without permission, causing damage to school property, injuring themselves and each other, and worst of all, interrupting Dad's down time. He could have strung them up for that. Instead they got a short scolding and some time shut up cleaning.

He picks at the dirt. "So you've already heard all my whining, what more do you want?"

"I only got bits and pieces. But… Well I guess I want to admit that I did exactly the same thing. Nearly." I add, noting that I hadn't beat the shit out of a classmate in the process, but I had still thought myself into a corner over my All Might guilt.

He frowns. "Whaddya mean?"

"I'm sure you heard about my panic attack in the damn cafeteria."

He nods.

I sigh. "Well it was because of All Might. Took a while for the penny to drop but I totally blamed myself for his situation. I got taken. I got you taken. If I hadn't, maybe none of it would have happened." I shrug and hold up a hand as he readies for a rant in retort. "I've moved past that, and am working on moving forwards. I'm just pointing out how much I was thinking the same. I felt like I'd killed the Symbol of Peace myself."

His brow pinches. He grits his teeth, looking down at the ground again. Part of me wants to strike now, draw it out of him and make him breathe. But I won't. That's what led to that scar on my forearm. We're out in the open with nowhere better to be, we can take our time.

He sighs. "I guess we've both been idiots, hm?"

"Seems it's something we have in common, yeah." I grin and he puts his head against one of his hands, leaning his elbow on a knee. The casual stance gives me hope that we're moving past the eggshells. I keep rubbing my back, hoping to avoid a spasm. "How come you got so angry with Midoryia? I heard the rants but… you're so volatile with him Bakugo, why is that?"

He blinks. "You studying me now or something?"

"No, just trying to help a friend." I smile as he rolls his eyes. "You came to me at 3am simply for a point of common ground, right? Forgive me, but I kinda see that as pretty telling. You can talk to me Bakugo. No judgement."

He flinches. "You can't say that. You don't know half the shit I've done."

"Maybe, but I know you're trying to make up for it now, even if it is in your awkward as fuck manner." I prod the end of his nose with my quirk. He rubs the spot but isn't retreating, he's considering. He's thinking.

I stay put and finally stop rubbing my back as the pain eases. I don't know why it's giving me so much more issue these past few days, but these twinges seriously need to cut it out. I have coursework to do. I only just started to catch up with my classmates. I can't afford more delays. Some students are jogging on the main path through the trees, I can hear them chuckling and chatting about their classes. They might be third years from the sounds of it, we're all kind of cooped up here together I guess.

"He's always been beneath me."

I look back to Bakugo, finding his hands slack in his lap, palms up. He's staring at them, like they're covered in something I can't see.

He takes a deep breath. "I thought I could do anything with this quirk, be anything, beat anything. I saw All Might always win and thought I had to do the same. I wanted to be him. I wanted to win."

The crack in his voice the night before rings in my memory and makes my throat pinch. Yes he had interpreted All Might differently, and yes it had initially come out in brazen arrogance. But it had at least been based on a want to be a hero. At least now he was figuring out how to do it without being an asshole. Kind of. Small steps.

His hands curled into fists. "We're on the same page about those two, right?"

"I know their secret, yeah."

He looks back at his hands, knuckles paling. "So you know Deku used to be quirkless."

"Mhm."

"Well that's where the shit started." He grumbles. I stay perfectly quiet. Time. All he needs is time. "I thought he was so weak, so pointless. When I heard he was intending to apply here I laughed, I laughed so hard and threw his notes out a goddamn window…" He hangs his head. "It pissed me off so much. That someone so low could have the same dreams as me, that they thought they had the right to win… I… It's fucked up thinking, right?"

"Small minded, yeah." I nod and he cringes, looking up and nodding.

"Knew you wouldn't bullshit me."

"Not what I'm here for."

He nods, lips thinning as he takes a shaken breath in. "I bullied him for years. And when I threw his notes I said some messed up stuff. I was practically a god damn villain about it. Makes me sick."

"What did you say, Bakugo?"

"You're gonna hate me."

"I doubt it, might call you a few names, but I doubt I'll hate you."

My heart is pounding. I'm telling the truth, it takes a lot to make me hate someone and right now all my hate is tied up in All for One. I won't hate Bakugo. But I can't be sure I'll trust him. Midoryia said the word 'useless'. And Bakugo had already mentioned throwing something out a window. How far had his anger gone? His need to win? How deep did his shame go?

"I told him to throw himself off the roof. To hope that he might come back with a quirk in the next life."

Well.

Shit.

That's… That's intensely fucked up.

The breeze sends leaves scattering all around, a couple settling between and one balances on his shoulder before dancing onwards. He's shaking–either wanting to rage or rush off. He'll want to slam the walls up and hide. But that's how he ended up with that kinda mindset initially I'll bet. He thought he had to do it all on his own, so he ended up cold. Perhaps even cruel. Yeah, I think that word applies to the kinda kid that would say that to another kid.

But the shame now paints a different story; a changed mind, a haunted mind even.

It shows growth, change, progress. None of us are born perfect, the main thing is that we take the time to learn from our mistakes. No matter how shitty. I should be saying this to him, but a part of me knows he doesn't want to hear that kind of thing. He wants to be told off, he wants to know that I'm not burying opinion and glossing over a deep hate. One step at a time.

I clear my throat. "No wonder you're tying yourself in fucked up knots."

My words drift on the breeze and the sun dips lower, still casting a golden light but failing to provide as much warmth. I shuffle closer. He is very still, breathing deep for ten in and ten out. Had he been watching videos on calming technique or actually listened to the counselling he got after All for One? Either way, he seems to be taking steps.

"So you're guilty about what you said. That's why you're still so hostile to Midoryia? Because you're ashamed?"

He shrugs, jaw clenched tight. "It just makes more sense why the League thought I would–"

"They don't fucking know about this, do they?" I snap, and his words falter, returning to the measured breathing from before. "Do they, Bakugo?"

He shakes his head.

I keep going. "Exactly. They were basing shit on your temper. Which yes, is shitty at times, but not the indicator of a villain."

"I told Deku to commit suicide."

"Yeah. You did. That's seriously fucked up, and thankfully he ignored your demented ass." I snap back at his snarl.

Like Midoryia said, Bakugo will try to shove me away. He doesn't think he's worth the help, the understanding. Fuck that. Bakugo glares, looking me over, searching for the lie, for the mask. But there isn't one. I'm just sitting here, being honest.

I grit my teeth. "And now you're changing and not looking down on people as much. Your temper is still shit, but at this point that's gonna be hard to change. It takes time. What counts now is what you do going forward. You already acknowledged the shitty behaviour, now do something about it. Have you ever actually said 'sorry' to Midoryia about that day?"

He wavers. I move closer again and he sighs heavily, the hitch to his breath not being lost on me.

I lean closer. "Might be an idea."

"Gonna sound hollow as fuck."

"Not if you mean it you dumbass." I roll my eyes when he glares. Oh my, so much scarier than before, a little undermined by the tears in his eyes, but still a good attempt. "Midoryia doesn't seem to hold it against you. He still calls you Kacchan, still admires you. I think he just accepts you were a messed up kid."

Bakugo's teeth click together. "That's what I don't get. How come he's… How come he's so effortlessly good?"

I shrug. "No idea, if you figure it out please share, it'd be great to know."

"Like you need any help in that area."

I tilt my head. "I stole from people Bakguo, I claimed shelter from others and shoved other homeless away from my refuge. They did the same to me, but I didn't take the high road. I snapped Shigaraki's arm in five places, wanted to throw that Kota kid across the camp, and to top it all off, considered killing All for One." I shake my head at myself. "No, I wanted to kill All for One."

"That's not–"

"I'm not competing with you, I'm pointing out that you don't have to be a god damned green-haired freckled angel in order to be a hero. We can aspire to be like him, to have his patience and drive, to use his self-lessness as an example. But we needn't condemn ourselves for past mistakes, if we're willing to sort our shit out now."

His mouth closes. His eyes rake over me again and his brow pinches in a way that makes my heart ache. So unsure of himself. Damn, he needs a hug. Finally he looks down and his shoulders shake. I stay still and keep an eye on both ends of the path, but we're still alone. Good thing too. I won't acknowledge the fact he's crying, no doubt he'd clam up tighter than ever if I did.

It takes about five minutes for his shoulders to still. He braces against the path and sniffs. I check my back and find no pain, the rest having been handily timed. Personal growth and injury recovery. My goodness we were being productive.

"No bullshit." He says as he sits up and wipes his face. "Guess I shouldn't have expected anything different from you."

"I'd be offended if you had." I grin and he slowly matches it. "So, considering I can find the good in you over that, can you also believe I don't blame you for this little mark?"

He looks at my forearm and then at his own mark in the same spot. "Yeah… I guess so."

"Good, because I was on the brink of burying you in a fucking wall out of sheer impatience."

He gives a half laugh before getting up and holding a hand out to me. I stare at it and then grasp it, glad to feel not a single twinge on my way back up.

I smile. "You stopping being a salty bitch now that your big bad secret is out?"

"Yeah, my head is officially out of my ass."

"Good! I was worried you'd start to suffocate." I wink and tug him back towards the dorms, the light dimming further as pinks take to the skies above. "You gonna talk to Midoryia soon?"

"Yeah…" He scuffs the path and as we round the corner, he nudges me gently. "What's going on with your back?"

"It keeps twinging. Just little bits here and ther–" right on cue, it gives way and I'm heading to the ground. Bakugo catches me and easily holds me up, my nails digging into his arm as the white hot pain runs up and down my spine. Shit. "S-Sorry."

"S'fine. Just breathe." Slowly he gets me back to properly upright, taking most of my weight. "You want me to phone for–"

"Just wait. Please." I choke out, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. I hold my weight with my power, easing the strain on the injury and pain point. I relax my hold on him, but he doesn't move an inch. "I can move now–"

"You're using your power."

"And?" I try to get moving, but he's holding me still, glaring.

"You shouldn't be needing to do that still, Alex. You need to get back to physio or somethin'. C'mon you can't risk–"

"Falling behind again." I sigh, trying to move but still finding myself anchored by a spiky blonde. "Bakugo I'm getting cold."

"Boo-hoo." He moves, puts an arm round my waist and starts to help me walk. "Stop using your power, we're going to see your Dad."

"Are we fuck." I wriggle, cringing as the pain makes me stumble. "I just need to take some painkillers. That's all. There's no need to bother him with this. He's got enough paperwork to do and he's on patrol tonight."

"You're his kid. He wants to know." He ignores my efforts and hauls me inside, ignoring the stares from our classmates as he man-handles me into the elevator. I bitch and wriggle the whole damn way, but he doesn't let up.

We get to the right floor and he bangs on Dad's door, still holding on tight to avoid my escape. I could have used my power but if I'm honest with myself, I'm exhausted. The door opens and Dad raises a brow at Bakugo before raising both at me. I try to start my ranting about how ridiculous this all was when the pain flares and I'm cringing all over again. Bakugo steps inside and gets me onto the sofa, moving me far gentler as I hold my breath.

Dad gets painkillers from his cabinet. "You still strained after the exam?"

I shrug and take the pills, gritting my teeth as I try and get comfy.

Bakguo folds his arms. "She was using her power to walk and stand."

Dad glares. "Alex, you know that's not a solution."

"I know."

"Do you need to go back to physio and stop traini–"

"Fucking no!" I yell, wincing as my body jolts. They both stare at me in surprise. "I've already missed enough class that its on favours I'm even keeping up with everyone. Work studies are coming up. I can't spend more time buggering about walking between two posts, being told how 'so good' I'm doing by a nurse who sounds so fucking patronising I wanna pluck my eyelashes out one by one rather than listen to her."

"C'mon Alex, tell me what you really think." Dad snorts. "You're not that far behind, and a few more days of physio could see a long term improvement. Ignoring it isn't going to help."

"Still wasting time." I put a pillow over my face.

"Recovery is not wasting time." Dad rumbles, moving back to the kitchen where he keeps the phone. Another appointment. Another waste of time. Another loss of class.

Bakugo sits next to me. "You literally snapped your back, Alex."

"Yeah, yeah."

"Don't fucking do that!" Bakugo grabs the pillow and tosses it across the room. Dad is talking on the phone, and Bakugo glares at me. "Don't be calling me on my shit one second and indulging yourself on yours in the next. It's gonna take time to recover from this shit fully, if you even can."

"I'm sick of being the broken one."

"Tough shit, that's what you are." He scoffs. "Because you faced off with the worst super villain we've ever seen."

I sigh and stay quiet, closing my eyes and focusing on that point of pain. It would fade with the drugs no doubt and I'd be able to head downstairs by myself. But I'm still hurt. I'm still recovering. I'm still vulnerable and needing looked after like a fragile little doll.

"Alex." He touches my shoulder. I stay still and stare at the ceiling fan. "Alex, c'mon."

"It just makes me so fucking scared." I whisper, still hearing the rumble of Dad on the phone, hoping he can't hear me. The hand holds onto my shoulder and gives a gentle squeeze. "Were you scared afterwards?"

"Fucking duh." He whispers back. "Kept hearing the bastards damn laugh when I slept, feeling that weird black ooze in my mouth. Having a recurring injury… Dunno how you handle it most of the time. But you don't need to hide it."

"There's no point banging on about it."

"You're not. You're just struggling. You'd help any of us if the roles were reversed." I curl in on myself, the voice appearing closer to my ear now. "Not gonna stop Alex, and I'll be sure to let the others know to watch out for you struggling."

I grab his collar. "Don't you fucking dare."

He grins. "Stop being a damn baby then." He tugs free and stands. "You wanting her kept here, sir?"

"Have the pills kicked in yet, Alex?"

I give a small wiggle and flinch. "N-Not quite."

Dad comes back over. "Best leave her here for now Bakugo, thank you. You can head back to your room or whatever."

"Sure thing. I'll let Half-n-Half know where you are."

I nod and lay my head back down, hearing them murmur to each other before the door closes and the kettle goes on. A few cabinets open, a drawer rattles before cutlery clinks. A teaspoon scrapes the side of a mug and then steps approach a few minutes after brewing.

"Can you sit up?"

I prop myself against the cushions. I watch the steam rise from the cup, he brings paperwork over to work beside me. Hair up, glasses on, old jumper slouched on his shoulders. It feels like home, like I'm gonna hear rain on the balcony door any second. My eyes sting. Back then I didn't have to monitor pain levels or cover up relapses. I didn't fear dark corners when awake or find myself too afraid to even close my eyes when washing my hair. There's so much to be thankful for, so much to look forward to and focus on ahead–yet the past drags tears down my cheeks, and my unintended hitched breath has Dad looking over his shoulder. Concern melts the focus from his features, his paperwork forgotten as he slides his glasses up into his fringe, holding back most of it but letting a few strands still fall free. I braided his hair once. I wonder if he remembers that.

A smile splits my lips before the sobs break out.

He takes my tea, other arm going round my shoulders and hugging me to his side. I curl close, clutching that old jumper and breathing in the cologne, coffee and ink. He spilled a refillable pen on it once. Didn't matter as it's a black wool, but the smell remains even now. We laughed so hard that night–one of our first real steps forward. I knocked a picture off the wall because I fell over giggling. When the glass smashed I squealed and froze, I assumed he'd be furious. I'd only ever known anger in four walls. He tickled me with the broom and then scooped me up, showing me every ounce of love I'd ever missed out on.

We can fix it together, okay? Not much can't be fixed with enough hard work.

"You're gonna get through this, Alex." He hums, kissing my head and running his fingers through my hair. "I know you're frustrated and no doubt still kinda scared, but… We all have those days. Weeks. Even months."

"Just being silly." I sniff, clinging tighter.

"Mm. That's fine. Be silly, kid. You've earned that much and so much more."

"No-Not much can't be fixed with enough hard w-work. Right?"

He chuckles. "You quoting me?"

I nod. "Gotta remember the few times you actually make sense, right?"

"Cheeky little shit."


And there we have it! Bakugo's head is... perhaps... out of his ass! Huzzah! Lol hope you enjoyed, see you next time with more ^-^ thanks to everyone faving, following and leaving reviews, Shoutouts below!

SHOUTOUT:

Zikashigaku: I really like writing Alex with Toshi tbh, the cynicism is fun next to the sunflower. Yeah the mind stuff has been a long time coming, but I'm excited to get closer to its fruition. Glad you like the Overhaul mention, I wanted to make it clear that the next lot of action and such is upcoming, in case folks were weary of the slower pace recently. I'm looking forward to the arc as well... muhahahahah! Thanks for reviewing ^-^ you're a gem for still doing so! Hope you enjoy this update!