The new way of speaking to Alice had started to work. Instead of asking her if she wanted to do a specific thing, Zelena had started to give her two or three choices at a time. Alice didn't know how to react to this at first. She'd freeze and stare at Zelena, waiting for her to make her own decision on what she wanted Alice to do. Zelena would simply repeat the question until Alice told her her answer. Alice didn't like making choices. She didn't know how and she was always afraid she'd say the wrong thing. Or that her voice would be too loud. But Zelena wouldn't back down from this new way of interacting. As much as Alice wanted her to, Zelena didn't know how scary this was for her.
Zelena was ready to see if this new strategy worked with anything besides small decisions about where Alice wanted to sit.
"Alice," Alice glanced up from where she was sitting and waiting for Zelena to use more words. She was hoping she'd just tell her what to do. Making choices was exhausting. It wasn't something she was used to and it frightened her. "What do you want for dinner?"
Alice blinked. This was even harder than having a few choices. How was she supposed to answer this one? She'd defintley get the wrong one at leat with hving a few choices she could try to guess the right answer. So far, she hadn't been wrong once.
"Oh sorry, do you want me to make chicken or spaghetti?"
Alice didn't care what Zelena made for dinner. It had always been so simple. Mother would make food and leave it out for her to eat. She never had a choice in what it was they ate. And she didn't care. She just wanted things to make sense again. She kept waiting for Zelena to get angry but so far the closest thing was her telling her no once. She didn't really understand that fully but it was different than the constant fear she'd had of mother. At least she knew how mother would react to things and could choose what to risk if she wanted to risk things. And she rarely did. Zelena was an unkown. She didn't know what would set her off or what answers she'd like to her questions that were so confusing she never knew what the best answers were.
Zelena waited for an answer. She would make litterally anything if it got Alice to make a decision. Alice seemed to like both of the foods she'd offered. Although she ate anything set in front of her without a complaint. At this point, Zelena would be ecstatic if Alice made a complaint about the food. A complaint would mean she felt a little safer here. Zelena worried that telling her "no" had caused a problem. She'd likely heard the word no prior to being hurt a lot in the past. Zelena wanted to know the details of Alice's childhood but couldn't stand to think about the amount of torture that it took to create the shell of a human currently clutching a blanket so tightly she thought it might actually vaporize just because of being asked what she wanted to eat.
"Alice, do you want chicken or spaghetti?"
Alice held in a sigh. She didn't care. Did Zelena really think she needed her oppinion? She was so tired of making choices. It was hard. It'd only been a day and she was getting tired of answering questions. Her voice rarely got this much use. She'd take spaghetti, she figured. It really didn't matter to her either way.
"Spaghetti."
Zelena smiled. "Okay, spaghetti it is." Did Alice want to help? Now that she could ask her things better it wouldn't hurt to see if she wanted to join her. It'd get her up and moving at the very least.
"Do you want to help me make it or play a game?" Alice wanted to scream. She never screamed but two questions in the course of a few minutes was too much. She needed to sleep. But between playing and helping she was supposed to help. She made this choice quickly. Besides, if she helped Zelena she could move around a bit. That was the corect answer wasn't it?
"Help."
Zelena wasn't sure why this answer came so quickly to her and now worried that it had been a mistake to ask that particular question but she'd let Alice do whatever she said she wanted to do.
"Ok, come on."
Alice stood up from the safety of the corner after folding the blanket she'd been clutching and pushing it further into the corner.
Alice thought that helping Zelena would mean doing everything while she barked orders at her, that's how she helped mother with things but Zelena just meant that she'd stir a few things and try to get Alice to talk. Alice stood as far away from Zelena as she could while still staying close enough to help.
They finished making the spaghetti and Zelena set the table. Zelena thanked Alice and hoped she'd decide on her own where to go. That didn't happen. Alice stood in the same place Zelena left her for a minute before sitting down and pulling her legs up to her chest while pressing her back against the cabinet. Alice wanted her blanket but she couldn't reach it from here. She tried to stretch for it but that didn't work. She decided to settle for the next closest thing and grabbed a handful of her skirt. It wasn't anywhere near as soft as her blanket but it was close enough when it came to the secuirty holding something gave her. The softness of the blankets made her feel more comfortable and it was the only thing that felt familar in this place where the rules seemed to be changing right around her. She didn't know how many of the rules she knew applied and was scared to ask. She assumed all of them except the ones she'd been forced to ignore. She was making choices now and going outside. Mother would be so angry but Alice didn't think she could get back to the tower if she tried. Mother wouldn't take you back if you begged, she didn't want you she just needed you for her freedom. Remember? Alice's thoughts hurt her but she couldn't cry where she was. She burried her face in her knees and let a few silent tears fall. She missed home. She'd been scared there but she missed it. It made sense. She knew a decent amount about what would anger mother. She wasn't sure what she needed to do to anger Zelena. And she was so scared of doing it she almost preffered mother. But if she went back she'd be in more trouble for running away than anything else she'd ever done. And that was saying a lot considereing mother hated nearly everything she did. Could Zelena just get on with it? She needed to know what it would take to anger her. Would Zelena just get upset already? Alice could take the pain but she couldn't take the waiting any longer. That was so much worse. She'd never had to wait long for mother to get angry or yell or hurt her. And she certainly never apologzied to Alice for anything. The closest thing to an apology she'd ever gotten had been when mother had stayed gone longer than usual and then fallen asleep after giving her a list of things to do by the next morning. Alice had succeded at it but mother didn't care about that part. Just the part where she'd woken her up. Alice held in another sigh. Why did she want to go back to that so badly? She wasn't sure but she missed home and she missed mother evven if she'd hurt her.
They ate dinner and Zelena told Alice she could go to the bathroom. Robin came and found her. Alice was letting more tears fall. She just wanted to know what she was supposed to do her. In the tower she'd had a routine. It worked. She was miserable but she knew what to do, nearly all the time. Here? She didn't.
"What's wrong?" Robin asked her. How could Alice explain that she wanted to go home? Robin didn't seem to agree with anything mother had done but she just wanted to go home.
"Everything." Alice told her. Robin sighed. Alice was still adjusting and it was taking her time to figure things out.
"Okay, what's everything here?"
Alice didn't want to talk this much. At least not to Robin. Alice shook her head.
"I have an idea," Robin started off. "How about we go outside, you tell mr. squirell what's wrong and I do something else while you do?"
Alice shook her head. She couldn't do what Robin told her. "Alright, do you want to tell me?" Alice shook her head. "Ok."
Robin left the room and returned with a beat up rabbit toy. "How about you tell Mr. Rabbit. He can't talk."
If Alice knew what laughing was she'd surely have let out at least a chuckle. But as it was, Alice had no idea what a laugh was and so darted her gaze between Robin and the rabbit. Robin handed Alice the rabbit.
"I'll give you two some privacy." Robin walked out of the bathroom and got just far enough away that she could still hear bits of Alice's one sided conversation. She heard Alice say that she wanted to go home. Robin's heart broke for her. Alice still thought that prison a home. After everything, she thought the tower was more a home than a place filled with love and kindness. She'd never experienced those things before meeting Robin and they confused her, didn't they?
Robin came back into the bathroom and wanted to hug Alice. But she knew she flinched away from any physical contact. Robin sat next to her and gently placed a hand on her back. Alice wasn't as close to the wall as usual. Alice flinched but didn't pull away. Robin rubbed Alice's back gently and started talking to her. Robin knew Alice had never felt a kind touch in her life. And she needed this.
"it's okay, Alice. C'mon. Let it out. Cry if you want. Scream if you need to. I know. I know it hurts. I know you're scared. But going back there? It won't help anything."
Alice nodded, still letting silent tears fall. Alice hadn't gotten in trouble for asking Robin a question ever so she decided to risk it.
"Whatmakesyourmotheraangry?" she rushed the words but Robin seemed to get it.
"You don't have to worry, you won't anger her."
Alice glanced at Robin. Robin watched her face and saw the pleading look in her eyes. "She doesn't like when people get hurt. You wouldn't hurt anyone." Robin knew she couldn't know exactly what Alice would do if she actually did things on her own but she seemed so kind. That could have simply been from how her so-called mother had treated her but Robin thought she was truly kind. She didn't seem to hate the woman that had done gods knew what to her. "She will never hit you." Robin added after thinking for a moment about how often Alice flinched away from everyone.
Alice nodded. She didn't believe Robin and she had no new answers. It was just as frustrating as it was before the conversation. But at least she'd managed to tell someone how she felt. She wanted to go to sleep but was still waiting for Zelena to tell her she could go to her room.
"Why are you in the bathroom, anyway?"
"Waiting."
Robin hopped up from the ground and went to get Zelena who asked Alice if she wanted to sleep in her bedroom or in the fort in the kitchen. Alice chose her bedroom and curled up. Robin had told her she could keep the stuffed rabbit and Alice slept clutching that instead of a blanket.
