I said the 14th and so the 14th it is! I also realised AFTER I said the 14th that it was a thursday and I usually post on a Friday but... bugger it. I said the 14th so here we are! Next update will be the usual 2 week wait, buuut on the friday lol, its just easier for me to organise and remember that way. So the 29th shall be the next update ^-^ and this is a slightly bigger one for you guys as well!
SHOUTA POV
He slept in a pop-up camp bed thing, refusing to leave her room for the night. For one thing, she was clearly uncomfortable being left alone with only the security team to look over her, and for another, he knew he wouldn't be able to rest at all if she was out of sight. The nurses tried to argue on protocol but as Alex's heart monitor beeped faster and her trembling increased, they paused. Protocol couldn't be prepared for everything. Alex was still 85% blind, and knowing a security guy was outside wouldn't be sufficient to keep her calm. Beyond anything else, she didn't know the security people and right now trust was the biggest issue. So Shouta was permitted to stay, and as soon as the door closed, Alex burst into tears, clung to him and thanked him. She also apologised for the bother, between sobs and sniffs, laughing at herself for the outburst. But Shouta was just glad to see some real emotion. The visit from the boys must have done her some good. The smiles didn't reach like they should, but they seemed to come easier. And she was less distracted. Small steps, but promising ones. Alex was still in there.
In the end not much rest was had, but seeing her there, in the bed a mere metre away, did him even more good than a full night's sleep. A couple of times she grew agitated in her sleep, frowning, mumbling, hands grabbing at the sheets. He went to her, ran a hand over her shoulder or back depending on how she was lying, he'd speak carefully and of course usually he'd have stroked her hair, but instead he kissed her cheek. She'd sigh. She'd still. She'd sink back into a peaceful sleep. And every single time, a small smile crept into place and Shouta's heart felt ready to burst out of his chest with gratitude. She was still there, she still needed him and seemingly still wanted him.
She woke early, but that was hardly surprising. He got them coffee and perched on the bed when she patted the spot next to her. She was cold apparently, and he was a moveable heater. He smirked and let her lie stick. Wanting people close made sense.
"This is caffeinated, right?" She sipped and licked the foam from her lip.
"Uh, yes, why?"
"Bakugo gave me decaf yesterday."
"Is he still alive? Do I need to phone his parents and explain why he's in tiny pieces?"
She snorted. "He lives, supposedly it was so I could still get some sleep after their visit. I reckon he was just being a dick though."
"That's usually his motivation, yes." Shouta nudged her. "You're creating quite a bond with him, huh?"
"Yeah, I guess." She smiled and blinked hard, slowly opening her eyes and looking around. She frowned and blinked again. "I think… I think I can see a little better."
"How many fingers?"
"Four…?"
Shouta lowered his hand and grinned. "You can see smaller details at least, brilliant. I'll tell a nurse when they come round to check on you in like… an hour or so. Fuck, you did wake up early."
"Sorry." She blushed and then put her head against his shoulder. "Dad?"
"Daughter?"
"Can I stay in your apartment until I can see properly? I could probably manage in my room but I don't fancy bumping into everything constantly."
He was sure she had felt how he jolted. It would likely have been their course of action anyway due to her blindness, but the fact she had asked for it and seemed to want to be there with him made him fizz.
"Dad?" She nudged and he shook himself free of his overthinking.
"Yeah kid, of course. Glad to have you. I have to say though, this use of your quirk to see is pretty amazing."
"Yeah?"
She sounded so uncertain, so unconvinced. Not only had she managed to get around being made blind, she had unlocked a whole new use for her quirk. How that could be seen as anything but astounding, he wasn't sure. But confidence was a fickle thing for many, especially someone like Alex.
He kissed her head. "Of course. You've done amazing. But we should definitely keep developing that for any situation where sight is impeded."
She hummed. "So you think I'll get my normal sight back?"
"It seems to be improving as time goes by, so I'm quietly confident."
She nodded and sipped her coffee again. "When do you think I can go see Eri?"
"Once she's stable. Or you could go see her from the window into her room?"
Alex nods slowly. "I might wait. Unless it's going to take a long time for her to be stable… Has she woken?"
"Yeah, she spotted me yesterday."
Alex perked up. "Really? Did you get a good look at her? What's she look like?"
Shouta blinked. Of course, Alex had been blinded by the time she met Eri–she'd only know the girl's build, height and other things like that, which she could determine with her quirk sight. "She's got red eyes, pale grey hair and uh… Well she's really small?"
Alex chuckled. "So she's cute?"
He smirked. "Yeah, I'd say so. She asked if I was a Knight… know anything about why she said that?"
Alex blushed.
He nudged her. "Did you tell her stories?"
"It kept her calm…"
"Just when I think you can't get kinder." He put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "You gonna tell me these stories?"
"No chance." She snorted. "But she might, never know."
He kissed her head again. "Something to look forward to."
"Mm…" She breathed deep. "Can we turn on the news? I just wanna know what's being talked about out there. If it upsets me I'll tell you." She patted his arm, predicting his concerns. He was about to move, to get up and turn it on, when she held him in place. "So, allowed?"
"Yeah but you're gonna have to let go so I can turn it o–"
The TV flickered to life and changed to the right channel.
She grinned.
He looked between her and the set on the wall, his eyes going wide as he realised her tactile efforts had come a long way too. She laughed and hid against his arm, blushing.
He chuckled. "Sneaky."
"A couple good things came out of this at least."
"I guess so." He put his arm around her and looked at the screen, not very keen on it being on but understanding her want to check in with the outside world again, now that she was likely being plastered all over it.
The main report was about a pro Death. Shouta frowned, not recognising the name as someone from the attack force on the Yakuza stronghold, but then the story continued and he sighed. The convoy. He had been so wrapped up in Alex and everything else he hadn't been keeping up. It seemed the Pro had been killed by the League, by a fire quirk. Beyond that, Overhaul had been maimed by the League before they left. It was a lot in one report, but it was likely the main thing being reported whilst the kinks were being sorted out with the Yakuza story.
Shouta turned back to Alex, expecting to have to calm her down about the mentioning of the League. To console her that Shigaraki wouldn't reach her in the hospital. Instead he found her smirking up at the screen, blind eyes staring at it, likely only seeing moving colours from their distance. But she had heard the details. She likely knew it was that Dabi guy with the blue flames. Shouta had no idea how to respond to her almost grin, he just stared at it, trying to decipher it.
She shrugged. "Overhaul deserved it. He deserved more, but at least he got some kind of real punishment."
"Alex…"
"C'mon we know Tartarus is just a big holding pen." She picked at the blankets. "Overhaul would have just gotten out again in a few months." She sighed and frowned. "At least without his hands he might not be able to use his quirk ever again. That keeps Eri safe. Keeps a lot of people safe."
"You can't–"
"Hopefully the next person Dabi roasts is Shigaraki. Shame about the Pro though."
Shame? Just… a shame? As if someone had dropped their ice-cream rather than losing their life.
"Alex, they murdered several people, just to maim Overhaul. That's not a shame, thats–"
"Wait, where are those bullet things? Were they in the convoy? Did they go separate from Overhaul?"
Shouta frowned. "Alex that's not the point, listen to me, you can't just–"
"No Dad, seriously." She grabs his arm tightly. "The bullets, the ones that Overhaul had made, they do some weird shit. I dunno what, but it ain't good."
Shouta deflated, the blase attitude needed addressed, but so did the bullet subject. She didn't know what they did. So she didn't know what had happened to Mirio. He asked her to turn off the TV and she did, he asked her to lay down and she did. She didn't look happy about it, but he didn't want her to wobble and fall off the bed or something. If nothing else, her cold attitude towards the news confirmed that she had plenty of work to do still towards being herself again. He took a long breath and explained what had happened to Mirio. He had lost his quirk. It seemed to be permanent.
Alex grit her teeth, clenching her eyes shut but failing to stop a couple tears escaping. He waited. Slowly she calmed, and then she asked again about the bullets. Shouta wasn't sure, but he had a sinking feeling they may have been on the convoy.
She sniffed. "Hopefully the League don't know what they have and they shoot themselves."
Shouta's teeth clicked together as he tensed. "Okay, stop. All joking aside, you can't be thinking like this. This isn't you, Alex. This is–"
"And what if it is?" She snapped, keeping her eyes closed, a few more tears slipping down her face.
"It's not."
"Not an answer." She growled. "If this is me, if I am this brutal, what then?"
"Then I help you avoid it. You're a Hero, we work with the system, we don't bludgeon our way around it or through it. We have rules, Villains do not, it's why we can be trusted by the public."
"And why the Villains keep coming back for more." She croaked and put her hands over her eyes.
He hadn't been sure whether to tell her about her parents or not, about the revelations the police had made in her absence. But he couldn't right now. Not when she was already wondering if her true nature was this brutal coldness. It wasn't. He knew she was kind and that she wanted to help the world instead of set it alight. He saw that every time she tried to make someone laugh when they were in pain. But so much doubt in her meant he couldn't lay that revelation on top. It could crush the last wisps of light inside. The information had been handed out to a few pros simply to avoid the information ever being used against Alex in the press, no doubt the Villains would potentially have access to it as well. So key players were informed, but all told to be quiet until Shouta could speak to Alex. They could wait a little longer.
Shouta laid down beside her and wiped the tears.
She sniffed. "I'm just so fucking angry, Dad. I'm sorry…"
"It's all right, kid. You'll get through it. It's not even been a full day yet. If a bruise can't fade in that time, how can this kinda thing heal in that time?"
She curled towards him, IV tugging a little, but she still hid in the crook of his neck. "I don't wanna be a Villain."
"Then you won't be." He ran a hand up and down her back. "Focus on what you want, Alex. You want to be a Hero, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"You want to help people, people like Eri, yes?"
"Yeah."
"Then you will." He kissed her cheek. "Like I said, she's still being quarantined for the time being, but I'm sure we could at least go by her room. You might even be able to see her by that point if your eyes continue to improve."
"Th-Thanks Dad."
He kept moving his hand, her breathing evening out, deepening as she began to drift off again, exhausted emotionally and physically. He stayed put, not wanting to move for the world.
ALEX POV
When my sight continued to improve on its own, and my vitals were stable, finally I'm given permission to go home. At least, to the dorms. Then again, with Dad there, I should really be considering them home now. For the time being. The doctors wanted to keep me for more tests, more checks, more everything, but it's been established I'm doing well and that'll do. I need to be somewhere other than a cell or a hospital. My friends, my life–maybe then I can untangle this knot in my stomach. Like I can't relax. Like I can't take a full breath just yet. What's my head waiting for? Why can't I accept this and enjoy the victory?
I pulled on my jeans and jumper, glad to have some normal clothing to wrap myself in before venturing outside. It was definitely getting colder out there. And as much as I appreciated the hat to keep the chill from my head, and the cameras at bay, I was still tempted to ask if I could be bundled into a bag to get back to dorms. Damn reporters. I wondered if that asshole with the cameras jutting out of every inch of his skin would be there. Probably. Grinning away, smug as ever. I wouldn't see him, but no doubt he'll see me, he'll pry and peer, gleaning any information he can exploit.
My phone buzzed and I tapped the green blob to answer, I think it was Sho's picture above the blob, the red and white being a fairly good indicator.
"Hello?"
"Hey," he always sounded so relieved to hear my voice. "Are you still planning on coming back to the dorms? We're still at training, but should be back in a few hours."
Sho's voice immediately calmed me, the worry of reporters dimming under the rumble of his words.
"Yeah, I'm just waiting on Dad finishing the paperwork. I might try and see a couple people before we head back though. I don't think everyone's getting out today."
"You'll be staying in your Father's apartment for a while, yes?"
"That's the plan, until I can actually see distances." I snorted. "Otherwise I'd just end up with concussion. Sorry, probably means it would be awkward for us to hang out."
"We can still watch a movie or something, right? One of the ones you've seen a dozen times, so listening would still work. Maybe?" I could hear him overthinking. "Or is that foolish? We could just listen to music or–"
I chuckled. "Not foolish at all, Sho. Very sweet actually, as usual. I'll ask Dad what he thinks and get back to you, okay? Now concentrate on your training. Don't want me getting told off as a distraction, do you?"
"Sure thing. See you later." He hung up and I put my phone in my pocket.
I kept practising dialing with my power. So far I've 'butt dialed' Dad four times successfully.
Going back to Dorms, hanging out with Sho. Yet still my hands automatically clench.
Maybe this knot is because I haven't said it yet?
Three little words. They stick in my throat over and over, running round my mind like a manic answering machine. I love you. As much as I want to force them out, I know why they stall. For one thing, I don't want Sho thinking it's just a reaction to my trauma. It's not. I do care that deeply about him, even if the word itself is tricky. Love. I've had so much of it from Dad, but beyond that, anyone I've dared to care about before had used me.
Dabi.
Shigaraki.
Though I suppose the latter was more a dependance, than anything else. But I didn't know that at the time. He was the reason I was able to eat and be under a roof. I was gaslit to the ends of the earth by Shigaraki. Any affection that existed had been cultivated, created through lies and deceit simply to control me. No. That was never love. He was never my brother or carer, he was my prison guard on behalf of One for All. For whatever reason.
Dabi…
I don't know what that counts as. I'd like to say 'brother'; he protected me, helped me, as I did for him as much as I could. But then he left. Abandoned me to the streets, before reappearing years later, to only brand me and drop some pious shit about wanting to 'save' me from the hypocrisy of Hero society. It's just more gaslighting, isn't it? Guess so.
So other than Dad, and my other parental figures in Nem and Hizashi, love is kind of foreign to me. Abstract. Floating about somewhere, just out of reach and undefined.
Is it okay for me to love Sho? Is that allowed? I smirk. Allowed? Like someone's going to kick down the door and scold me for such thoughts. Yeah, we're sixteen. We're young. But in many ways we're much older as well. Between his wayward upbringing and my own haphazard past, we both had to grow up real fucking fast. To survive. So maybe it isn't stupid. Maybe I can use that word, and everything will be fine. Perhaps better than that. Everything could be great.
And maybe… Just maybe, I'm majorly overthinking.
Entirely possible, because the other thing, the thing that makes the trembling sink back into my bones and makes me brace against the bed when my knees quake, is that the word might be cursed.
I love Dad. He's nearly died protecting me.
I love Nem and Hizashi, and they've nearly died for being affiliated with me.
I'm with Sho, and he was stabbed by Toga.
I'm close friends with Bakugo and… well the same. Fucking Toga.
Not a great track record. I suck in a breath and straighten up, if Dad walked in and found me hunched over, he'd be marching me along for more xrays and tests in a heartbeat. I smile and rub my eyes. It's not cursed. It's fine. I can say it. I want to say it. Because I fucking feel it. And I'm sick of almost missing my chance, just like when I was worried about losing out on even being with Sho. I have to be bold. Or I'd regret it.
Bloody hell I'm an idiot.
A headache threatened at the base of my skull.
A knock sounded and the door opened, wild blonde hair and dark eyes stepped inside. Toshi. The headache faded.
He waved. "Your Dad is doing some paperwork, I wanted to check in… that all right?"
Just the man I wanted to speak to actually.
I smiled and waved him inside, the door closed and I perched on the bed. He sat next to me, nudging my shoulder with his arm, his shoulder being so much further up than mine. Giant. But possibly one of the few people I can really talk to about this knot in my stomach, this worry. I hoped I wouldn't regret this.
He hummed. "So you're headed back to dorms today, yeah?"
"That's the plan. But uhm, funnily enough I was gonna ask to see you anyway."
"Oh? Got some questions for this old man?"
He shifted his weight, and I could only imagine how those dark eyes studied me. But I had to ask. I needed to be more open with them all, and asking those questions was key. It's Toshinori, All Might, my friend and one of many mentors. He wouldn't judge me. He'd help. Right?
I'm trembling, despite that logic. "After Kamino," I lick my suddenly dry lips, "when you were in recovery, with everything fresh in your mind and stuff… How… How did you…"
How did you not tear the world apart with your anger?
How the hell do I ask this, without him immediately fearing I've gone insane?
He put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "I'm an open book, kid."
"R-Right."
"One word at a time."
I clasped his hand tight, wishing my tongue didn't feel like lead. "Did you feel angry?"
"Angry? About…?"
"Everything." I sniffed, and swallowed hard, failing to shift the lump in my throat. "I'm so glad to be back here, with you all, of course. I'm not angry at Dad, or any of you. Not… Not everything I guess. That was the wrong word. I… I'm making no sense. Sorry."
"You mean angry at the world, for allowing such things to happen?" He suggests quietly, his heart rate picking up. "Like there's a weight in your mind, and whenever there's not someone there to distract, it gets a little heavier, a little colder, a little harder to ignore."
I shudder. "Right. Exactly. How do I… How did you…"
"I was angry, yeah. Absolutely. But it was helped as I recovered, as I came to terms with the fact that the world was still spinning, that me being in retirement wasn't actually the end of life as we knew it. I knew I wasn't keeping the entire world going but… Well it had rather built up in my mind like that. Tunnel vision. So… With you, I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's a left over worry about security? About trusting that you're safe?"
"Maybe." I scrunched my eyes tighter. "There's so much I should have done before, that could have prevented this, but I also know that's so stupid. So… Maybe it's that as well?"
"Probably. Guilt trips are a hazard for all heroes, but I feel we are particularly prone to them." He puts his arm around me. "You'll be talking to councillors won't you?"
I nod. "I want to. Being open, being honest with everyone, it's going to be the best defense against this ever happening again. Brushing shit off is what everyone thought I was doing, when it was just Toga being quiet to avoid being caught." I suck in a shaken breath.
I have to keep going, to admit the other part. Yes, I figured that the safety thing was part of this cold knot inside of me. How could it not be? I'm still partially blind. I was taken in broad daylight. It's going to take time to feel safe again. But the other part, the sheer rage simmering under my skin so hot I keep expecting to see blue flames appear, it scares me most of all.
Say it.
Say it!
"So… So me feeling this rage, it isn't… It doesn't mean something's gone wrong inside of me?"
"What do you mean, kid?"
"As in…" I started to shiver, taking a second to remind myself of the room I'm in, where Toshi was sat next to me, the feel of jeans on my legs, physical details to keep me present instead of spiralling. Toshi was patient, of course. I tried again. "I'm scared it means they've started to win. That I'm turning into a villain."
He was quiet, arm still round me, heart still that little bit quickened. At least it didn't get faster. He's not panicking about what to say, he's just thinking. Help me Toshinori. Please. Sure I'm going to councillors, sure I'll talk about my nightmares and all that therapist shit. But I also needed to talk to someone who's been in that dark place, wondering if they're gonna survive. I wondered if he also accepted he might die, and was okay with that if it meant he could save the others. Every other time I've been attacked, that survival instinct kept me going, kept me warm against that darkness. But when it came down to it this time, I was willing to accept the end, if it meant Eri could keep going. Sounds heroic, I guess. But I lost that thread. A thread that had never been broken before, not to that extent. Shit. Shit say something Toshi before I think any further into this corner.
"Anger isn't an evil emotion, Alex. Rage, even hatred, they're part of being human. I hate those inclined to use their powers for selfish reasons, or indeed to harm others. Does that make me a villain?"
I shook my head.
He kept going. "You've been through a lot. Your past has been coming back to haunt you over and over again, but your actions are what counts."
I shivered. Killing Overhaul very nearly happened.
Toshi sighed. "You wanted to kill Overhaul, didn't you? You wanted to stop him in the most permanent sense, you might've even been pleased that he was maimed the other day, made unable to use his quikrk?"
My lips pursed tightly, but I nodded.
"Makes sense."
I jolted and my eyes flew open, I could only see shapes and colour, but I still looked at him. Did I hear that right? Did… Did All Might, the Symbol of Peace just say it made sense to wish harm upon someone? Toshi smiled, I saw how his eyes crinkled at the sides, and his head tilted.
"We all have those wants, those inner moments of darkness that creep into place. We can't help it, especially when we live in a world of such extremes. Especially when faced with such extremes within those extremes. The man tormented you, he hurt Eri over and over, and likely spoke to you about plans to continue that, yes?"
I leaned into him, head on his chest. "Y-Yeah. Made me… Made me make a deal, me instead of Dad, me under his tests again simply to save Dad and Eri some pain if possible."
"Does Aizawa know?"
I nodded, having confessed it during one of my many rambles after a nightmare. Open. Honest. That was what I wanted to be now. It's what I had to be.
"Yeah he knows. He hated it, but he couldn't blame me. If presented with the same choice, he'd have done the same. We both know that." I cringed at the memory of agreeing to Overhaul's slimy words. At the time, it had seemed like the only option though. "I wasn't human to Overhaul, I was a rat to be toyed w-with." I sucked in a breath and counted to ten.
He hugged me tight. "With all that, and the opportunity you had to end him, you still stopped."
"Only because Ura and Dek–"
"You still listened." He ran his hand up and down my arm. "Be angry. Be enraged to the point that you're sure your blood might be boiling. But the actions you take are what determine you being a Hero or a Villain. For all their posturing about how similar Heroes and Villains can be, our intent and our actions are what define us. Even if you had killed Overhaul, can you tell me why you wanted to? In that moment?"
I whisper. "To protect people, to protect Eri."
"Killing would have not been the right answer, but even in that dark moment, you had those good intentions in mind. If it had been simple bloodlust with no thought for your loved ones… then we might have a more complicated conversation."
It was true. As I soared above, and felt my body bubbling over in power and rage, I had still been thinking of Eri and my family. Of saving others from Overhaul's torment. The bloodlust was present, but it remained behind that purpose.
Toshi continued. "Use those good intentions as a way to stay linked to the Hero code, all right? It's helped me many times." He chuckled. "I may have been a Symbol of Peace, but I wasn't perfect."
"So… Use my good intentions as a link back to why I don't kill?"
"Exactly." He hummed. "The simple fact is, you're worried about this, and someone too far gone wouldn't be. You're a good person, Alex. You're just a good person that bad things keep happening to. You'll have more darkness than most, no doubt. But don't give into that, and you don't let the League win."
He would tell me if I had strayed, wouldn't he? Yeah. I reckon he would. It's not a quick fix, I still had that knot to untangle inside of me. But I could breathe easier.
I sat up and patted his hand. "Thanks, Toshi. That helps."
"Glad I could be of some use. Young Midoryia had sounded so worried about you."
I rolled my eyes. "He needs to focus on himself."
"Try telling him that, I dare you." Toshi snorted. "Was that everything you wanted to ask?"
"Yeah, for now. I'll come knocking if I have anything else."
"Be sure that you do." He gave me a final squeeze before he stood. "I'll let you get yourself sorted and back to dorms now though."
"Thanks."
"See you soon."
"See you, Tosh."
The door closed and I lay back on the bed, hands on my stomach, eyes staring at the blurry white ceiling. There must have been a breeze outside, shadows cast from the tree's dancing leaves in the sunshine. There couldn't be many leaves left. But even when they were all gone, all we had to do was wait till the spring, and a whole new set would bloom. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes. Even if I'd lost some of that thread from before, the determination to keep going, it doesn't mean it's gone forever. Right? It could come back. One day at a time, I could find it. The knot tightened and I grit my teeth. I could get it back.
Another knock sounded and I sat up.
"You decent?" Dad came in. "You have a good talk with Toshinori?"
"Yeah." I got up.
Dad gently touched my shoulder. "You're looking a little pale, you feeling okay?"
"I'm good, but maybe a wheelchair would be best for getting out to the taxi?"
"You're volunteering for… a wheelchair." He squeezed my shoulder. "Now I'm really confused."
I bit my lip. He must have practised the arguments in his head so many times, preparing himself for me being stubborn and refusing help. Made sense. Of course he had, it's only logical at this point. But I'm going to be better this time, Dad. I promise. It's the one thing I felt able to control. My intention was to learn from this mess, so dammit, I would.
My smirk appeared before I could stop it. "I'm trying to be co-operative here, old man. Don't make me regret it." I shook my head. A beeping horn outside made me clasp his hand. "Is there many reporters outside?"
"A few. I could probably carry you in a suitcase to the car if you prefer?"
I grinned and held my arms out, him stepping in so I could wrap my arms around his neck without accidentally slapping him in the face. Yes, that had already happened. Yes, I did want the ground to swallow me whole afterwards. Yes, we did both nearly bust a lung laughing about it. We were learning.
I held tight. "I already considered that, but no. I'll be fine. The assholes will get a photo one way or the other."
"Mm, guess so."
"Can I see the others before I go?"
"Midoryia is headed back to dorms today anyway, but he's gone to see Mirio before he leaves. I think they'd be best left on their own for now, no doubt they have plenty to talk about with Mirio losing his quirk and the passing of Knight Eye. He'll be back tonight, with Kirishima no doubt. Ochako and Asyui are both going to be preparing to head back as well."
My friends were so strong. I'd have to see how this has affected them as well, though no doubt Dad has done his part as the dutiful teacher.
I let go. "How about Eri? The quarantine isn't going to end for a long while, is it?"
"Not likely. So through the window is all you're getting, okay?" He stepped back. "I'm sorry it can't be more but–"
"I understand." I smiled, the knot churned. "She wouldn't want to risk hurting anyone anyway. I can see a little better, I might be able to reach with my power and give her a quirk hug."
Dad stepped out the door and I heard the squeak of a wheelchair being rolled into the room–he already had it ready and waiting.
"Your chariot, m'lady."
I sat down. "Why thank you, sir Knight."
"You still need to fully explain that…"
"Later."
We rolled along the corridor, and a few nurses bid me farewell and good luck. They're sweet, but at least this time I had good reason not to remember faces.
The corridor where they're keeping Eri was quiet. I assumed it wasn't busy up there normally anyway, but also that they wanted her separate from people, in case her power fluctuates again. It made sense. Can't say I liked the idea of her being shut away, but at least she could see the sunlight. She'd be cared for with kindness. It's still better. It would have to try hard not to be.
Dad stopped the chair. "She's awake, having some juice, do you want me to knock on the glass?"
"No, I'll take it from here." I shuffled forward and reached with my quirk, hand pressing a button to allow me to hear her and vice versa.
The room was spacious and the windows were large. Judging from the warmth, sunlight poured into the room. Perfect. She sat on her bed, clutching a juice box–apple no doubt– feet fidgeting slightly under the blankets. She's never fully still. I'd like to think it's because she's so full of energy, but really I knew it was so she was always ready to duck or dodge.
I reached and squeezed her shoulder. She gasped and turned, heartbeat picking up as she presumably spotted me through the glass. I waved. She waved back. I reached again and braided a strip of her hair, tickling the end of her nose with it for a second. She giggled behind her hand, a smile not quite taking, like the muscles in her face refused to do it. Maybe she could learn. I placed my hand to the glass, biting my lip when it wobbled. Keep it together.
She pointed. "Alex, that's the Knight, right?"
"Yes, he is." I couldn't help the grin.
She waved again. "Hello Mr Knight."
Dad cleared his throat, and I assume he waved. He must have been bright pink. I needed to get my sight back for when they met properly, not with a pane of glass in the way. Would Dad find the stories silly? Or flattering?
I smiled. "I'm going back to dorms just now, to live with my friends, but I'll come visit when I can, okay? You gonna be alright?"
"I think so." She slurped her juice. "They have apple juice, it's really tasty. Did you have some, Alex?"
"Absolutely. Did you tell them it's your favourite?"
"I did." She lowered the juice box. "Uhm, Alex… Is your friend okay? The nice boy with the green hair? A-And the guy with the cape? Lamillion?"
"They're both doing fine." My heart sped up.
She was really there, really safe, really able to grow up to know what it means to be cared about. To be valued. She could live a full life. So why did that happy realisation make me feel on the edge of a panic attack? Hot and cold ran up and down my arms. My breathing was erratic. What the hell?
"Now you… You rest up, Eri, and I'll be back real soon."
"Okay, thank you for coming to see me, Alex. I'm glad you're okay."
"I'll see you soon Eri." I leaned back in the chair and braided the other side of her hair. "Bye for now."
She waved again and Dad wheeled me away, heading to the elevator. Another headache threatened at the base of my skull. But as soon as the doors closed, he had a hand on my shoulder as I put my head in my hands, pain fading under everything else. Hot and cold filled my body. The knot in my stomach churned, like it fought something, like it was agitated. She was okay. Eri was right there, safe, sitting in the sunshine, drinking her favourite juice. It was real. It had really ended, the horrible confinement had ended. She was out, she no longer had to endure Overhaul or his tests. No more. Fuck. Oh fucking fuck.
Dad knelt in front of me and peeled my hands back. "Are you in pain?"
"No, I just…" I took a few deep breaths. The pressure, the knot, it loosened. I bit my lip as laughter bubbled in my chest. The knot loosened further. "I think a part of me hadn't quite believed that she was okay. But she is. She's there, healing and… And in the sunshine."
The anger, the hatred, the cold resignation to the fact that I'd always have someone to run from, it burned my throat. I thought I could just grin and endure, recover and think my way round it, see some counselors, do my time and get past. But no. The relief of knowing for sure Eri is okay, that she has hope, it broke something inside me. My resolve? My foolish stubbornness? My cynicism? Something gave way and the tears flowed. I clung to Dad. He hit the stall button and the elevator stopped.
He ran a hand up and down my back as I crumbled on his shoulder. But there was no stopping it and really, I don't think I'd have wanted to if I could.
"I was so scared, Dad. So scared, but I couldn't say it, I couldn't think it, she had to have hope. In that dark, horrible, shitty place, if nothing else she had to have that!" I rambled. "But she was so scared, so fucking scared and I had to hold it together, I had to. They hurt her, cut her, used her, she'd be covered in damp bandages and mumble about the pain. I had to do what you would do. You're always so brave Dad, I just wanted to be like you. I had to."
"Shh, you did good, you did great." He held tighter. "You did everything you could for Eri."
"No one d-did it for me, until you. Not without a fucking catch, not without some shitty reasoning behind it." I clung to his capture weapon, shivering like mad, gasping. "I had to give something back, I had to measure up. I couldn't let her down, let her see how scared I was. Shit. She's okay. She's really okay. She loves apples so much. Sorry, I just can't… my head… I just..."
"Let it out, kid. You're safe, she's safe, you've got all the time you need." He kissed my head. "Talk, ramble, scream if you need to. You don't need to cover anything up, no hiding required."
"I love you, Dad." I tried to even out my breathing. "I love you and I'm so sorry for everything."
"I love you too, Alex. More and more, you crazy kid. But you've nothing to–"
"But I do." I sat back, but my smile seemed to calm his worried words. I wiped my eyes. I'm not being mean to myself, I'm just trying to be honest. "My shitty past, all the worry, my stupid stubbornness and not talking to you when I should. I'm sorry. Genuinely." I sniffed and wiped my eyes. "It'll be easier if you just accept the apology. I'll keep going."
He was quiet, but then I heard the small huffed chuckle and he wiped the tear tracks from my cheeks.
He sighed. "Seems weird to apologise for being stubborn and then be stubborn."
I bit my lip. "I'm a work-in-progress."
"A brilliant one." He hugged me again. "We good to head for that taxi?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "Get me back to the dorms, Dad. Get me home."
"As you wish."
The credits started to roll, vague white blurs rolling up the screen as I curled against Sho under our blanket. Dad's already in the kitchen making cups of tea, humming the end credit song. It was one of his favourites.
I nuzzled against Sho's chest. He came to see me as soon as he showered after training, and it had been a great afternoon and evening together. Dad even treated us to take-out, not that we were to admit that to anyone else. A perfect way to be welcomed home. My nerves settled a little more with each hour I sat there with them talking, eating, watching the film. It had been so great to simply… exist. The three little words continued to gnaw at my thoughts, but I finally came to a decision.
I'll say it when I can see his face.
That way I can look into his eyes, and ensure he knows how much I mean it.
For now though, snuggling will suffice. He is very cosy. "Thanks for staying, Sho, I know you'll want to leave soon so you can get some extra sleep before training."
"I'm not Bakugo, I can go to bed at a normal time." Sho put his arm around me, gently warming us with his quirk. "Plus, as if I'd give up the chance to spend extra time with you right now."
"Smooth talker."
"Of course, wasn't it my winning social skills that won you over?"
I snorted. "Bakugo's right about the jokes, gonna need some warning."
"You two can't start ganging up on me. I'm already out-gunned."
"It's the one area I excel in, sass is my territory." I grinned and kissed him gently, him staying still to avoid me bumping into him. "So, any more thoughts about my wig options?"
"I love your dark hair, and the white streaks, but it's up to you. You'll be beautiful regardless."
"Good answer." Dad rumbled from the kitchen and I waved a hand at him. He chuckled and went to the fridge for milk. I slid the bottle away from him a few times before he sighed and snatched it up. "You know I have no opinion on the matter. Go nuts."
"Not asking permission, just curious!" I sighed and close my eyes, still needing to rest them every so often.
Mina and Momo had been so excited when they visited earlier, both talking a mile a minute about the possible wig designs to make. Momo is so kind, being all too glad to create me as many as I want, even if it's only for a short while. My friends are amazing. I promised a list by morning.
"I think… all pixie cuts, so it's not too weird when I go back to my normal hair when it's growing in. And as for colour… A bright blue one, like sky blue. A rainbow one, a Unicorn one with all pinks, blues and purples, and… a glow in the dark one!"
Dad put down the teas and I heard the sigh. He already said go nuts, and there's no take backsies.
He took a seat. "Well we won't lose you."
"I think I'll also go without sometimes too, though. I don't want people to think I want to hide. Being bald, or shaven, or whatever you wanna call this… It's not so bad. It's a bit cold. But hardly life altering."
"Sounds healthy." Dad blew on his tea.
Sho leaned for his drink. "Agreed."
I did my happy dance. "So, with that sorted, all that's left is me asking for a little favour."
"From?" Dad rumbled, and I grinned in his direction. He chuckled. "What is it?"
"Can I go along with Sho and Bakugo to their training tomorrow? As long as it's okay with Sho as well, but I didn't think it worth asking until I talked to you first, Dad."
"Hmm… Well you'd be well guarded, Toshinori and Mic are going with them tomorrow as I have so much paperwork to still go through with the police." He sipped. "Yeah, I guess so. As long as Todoroki doesn't mind, and doesn't think it'll be distracting."
"I'd be glad to have you, Alex. But…" He sighed. "My Father mentioned he was going to be coming along tomorrow. So I'm guessing that might put you off?"
"I don't care, he can sulk in a corner if he likes." I shrugged. "I want to go, to support and to be nosy."
"Bakugo will love that." Sho snorted. "Well as long as my Father's presence doesn't bother you, it'd be great to have you there."
"Thanks!"
That headache appeared at the base of my skull again, for the third time today. I frowned but didn't fight it as hard, allowing the pain to grow, spreading to just below my ears and halfway to the crown of my head. A flutter of wind shifted the balcony curtain, Dad having left the doors ajar to let some fresh air in on this oddly mild evening.
I stayed still.
I watched.
Steps hit the balcony, and a hand waved to me. A pale hand; one with staples close to the wrist. Dabi? I checked Dad and Sho, but they hadn't noticed yet, they were watching the next film option rolling into place. Had we planned another film? I guess so.
I shivered.
No.
Wait, no we hadn't planned another film.
And I'm seeing them far too clearly; I can see the stubble on Dad's cheek, and the few strands of white in Sho's red hair side. Minute details that were still smudged by my ongoing blindness. This isn't right.
No.
This isn't real.
And today, I am not putting up with this.
I concentrate hard on the false image and reach with my quirk. There will be a key to this. A means of stopping it, of deciphering truth from lie. Come on. I can do this.
I cleared my throat. "Whatever the hell you're trying to do, it's not working. I know this is fake, so just fucking stop."
The fluttering stopped, the hand disappeared, and Dabi stepped into the room. His hands were shoved into his pockets, eyes staring, smirk in place, shoulders shrugging. Still, Dad and Sho failed to react, in this version at least. Last time, whenever I yelled out or spoke, at least some of it got through to the real world, to my waking body.
"Dad, Sho, I'm all right. The Vision guy's trying something, but I know it's fake. It's all right."
I lean into Sho more, his warmth growing for a second before dimming. I'll hope that's a sign that they heard me. This isn't fooling me. For whatever reason, be it my increased Endurance, or the fact the Vision guy fucked up the blindness detail, I see through the facade this time. I can't deny that feels good.
I stared at the image of Dabi. "If you're here to give me some shitty message, get on with it. Otherwise, piss off."
"He just wanted to check in on you." The Dabi gestured to himself. Figures.
It's not the real Dabi speaking, it's more likely that Dabi's given the Vision guy orders to present things like this. It's by far the kindest vision I've been given. For one thing, no one's beating me up. For another, I don't feel like I'm about to die. So this is different because of that as well.
"Well, consider me checked. Not that he has the right to do so."
"He wants to help you."
"Yeah he's said that before. But doesn't seem like he's all that interested in what I want, is he?"
Silence.
The Dabi blinked. "He says it's because you're blinded to the tru–"
"Bullshit. Anyway, why help me? He has a whole family of siblings he could be helping, right? Why not help them, why not–"
"They're all too close to him."
The facade of Dabi looked confused. The Vision guy doesn't know who 'him' is, he doesn't know much at all, I'd wager. So Dabi considered his siblings somehow tainted? He really has gone mad. Sure, Sho was cold to begin with, but he was always aiming to be free of Endeavour. Always. Dabi would know that if he could look past his own blinkers. Is… Is that how I can help him?
I swallowed hard. "If he wants to help me, he needs to listen. As much as he might hate him, he needn't hate his siblings. They're not the same. They're not–"
"Not his concern." Fake Dabi tilted his head. "He's not here to negotiate, little girl."
"I'll go ahead and assume he knows how much that's gonna have helped." I raise a brow, noting another movement to the curtain. Only it wasn't the wind. A shoe poked out from underneath. What the hell? I reached with my quirk, assuming it wouldn't work. But it did. I moved the curtain as I intended and the figure was revealed. Blurry, and hard to pinpoint, like my mind doesn't want to know anything about that spot in the room. But it's there. Is that the Vision guy? Is he in every vision but I never had the focus to spot him before? I suppose in the other times he's gotten hold of me, I've been too frantic. Too afraid.
I grip his throat, the image wobbles. "Gotcha."
The room changes, the figure of Dabi fades and Dad and Sho have moved. No longer are they disinterestedly looking at the TV, they're in close by my seat, both looking worried and ready to act. I blink. They're faces are a little clearer now. It's still like looking through a frosted window, but I can see how their brows are lifted.
I put a hand to my chest, heart racing and breathing quick, but otherwise… I'm fine.
The pain isn't in my head anymore, and there's no trace of the vision.
I got out.
I stopped him.
A grin spread over my face. "I fucking did it."
Dad and Sho look at each other, speaking in unison. "Did what?"
"Sent the Vision Villain packing." I laughed, putting my hands over my mouth as the laughter bursts free. "H-He's in the visions I think, somewhere, at all times. Hard to spot but… I wasn't afraid that time, I knew something wasn't right straight away and… I spotted him. I got him!"
Sho ran a hand up and down my back. "All right, that's wonderful but… What did you see?"
"Dabi. He came in from the balcony, supposedly wanting to check in on me. To help me." I rolled my eyes and leaned into Sho's touch. "Nothing more than that. But I could see too clearly, and I… I just knew it was wrong. Fuck. I actually managed to get through that Vision guy's bullshit!"
Sho clicked his tongue. "Why him?"
"I can only imagine things are getting tense between him and Shigaraki." I accepted my tea from Dad and took a sip. Still hot. It's not been more than a couple minutes. No loss of time. "He wants to help me apparently. Though with what, I'm still clueless."
Dad looked me over. "You okay otherwise?"
"Yeah. No beatings, nothing scary just… I think he just wanted to talk."
Dad frowned. "For some reason, I think I like that even less. Manipulation instead of intimidation."
"Mm, it's weird."
Sho flopped back and rubbed his eyes. "You broke out of it, just like that... Wow."
"I know right?" I sipped again, feeling a little giddy if I'm honest. "Feels like a win."
"It's absolutely a win." Sho returned to my side and kissed my shoulder. "You were still, and staring at the balcony oddly, but otherwise no shivering, nothing. Then you said not to worry and… Well we were still worried of course, but you were totally solid. Calm. Strong. Amazing as ever."
Dad nodded and returned to his seat. "I still don't like that he could reach you here, but yes, you getting past it is definitely a win."
I sat back and enjoyed my tea, and Dad sent out a message to those on patrol round the walls that there might be someone lingering nearby. To be on watch. I doubt they'll find him. This was calculated. Dabi took quite the risk though, simply to check in. Had something happened? Why was he so keen to make contact?
I shook my head. So weird.
Sho touched my shoulder. "Do you still want to come along tomorrow?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Oh… Well the whole the Vision villain just–"
"Fuck that." I laugh and leaned back to kiss his cheek. "I kicked the Vision guys ass, and I want to see your progress. Plus, I might have a chance to tell Endeavour how it is. Rip him a new one."
Dad groaned. "Well, shit. She's on a roll. Good luck, Todoroki."
"Thank you sir…"
Endeavour encounter iiincoming! And there we have it folks! First post of 2021, hope you all had a great festive season, and good luck with this new year. Thanks for reading, faving, following, and of course reviewing, shoutouts below. Love chatting to you guys. Stay safe, be kind, and see you on the 29th!
P.S - Did anyone spot my wee reference to another famous work in here? Nothing big but I got a chuckle out of using it.
SIDENOTE: I dunno if you guys get booped or anything when I edit chapters, but I realised recently that I seem to have flipped to present tense occasionally when I didn't mean to. The joys. So I will be intending to go back gradually and ensure the chapters are all as consistent as I can make them. So, apologies if you get spam boops about that via email or whatever, I dunno how these things work! Anyway, warning applied, blah blah, cya soon!
SHOUTOUTS:
TheTardisIsTheFourthHallow: I'm glad you enjoyed! And a merry christmas to you too, hope you had a great time.
Zikashigaku: I am loving your commentary on the Dabi situation haha, thanks so much for sharing. His role in this has expanded a lot from my original intention way back when, and I'm having a lot of fun with it.
And yeeees, as soon as I wrote the Knight story, I was ssooooo eager for that connection to really begin haha. I am also LOVING your commentary on how Alex's morality and such will play out against the others if it did turn sour. Loving it. Haha, and also loving that she's coming across so clearly to you etc. and her connections to the canon cast. Yeah don't worry the Bakugo and Alex thing will not be left unresolved! I shall say no more pfft.
Sorry about the three week wait, but I knew realistically I wasn't going to be touching this over christmas, so really it was a planned delay rather than me having to delay when I was meant to be uploading haha. And yes, I did resist a cliffhanger - I was sorely tempted though, muhahahaha! This is intended as a turning point of sorts, for her dealing with these things at least, so whilst I won't say how long the breath will last, this is intended as a breath.
Thanks sooooo much for continuing to review and support this story, you're really too kind for doing so. I will likely always be uploading onto this site due to the offline thing you brought to my attention, but in all honesty another big reason is folks like you. Reviews really do mean the world ^-^ it's not why I write the story, but it certainly encourages me to keep uploading it for others.
