So, I made myself cry writing the first half of this chapter.
Fair warning
But otherwise, enjoy!
Han is observant, contrary to what some people seem to think.
He's been smuggling for the vast majority of his life, being observant is kind of important if you want to stay alive. His version of observant just doesn't usually line up to what other people think it should be. What can he say, it makes life interesting.
Anyways.
Back to how he is observant.
He knows that Ben's hiding something big. Something bigger than an unexpected history between him and a scavenger girl from Jakku that's plain as day (subtly is not something Solos are known for, much to Han's chagrin, and Ben is nothing if not his father's son in that department). Something colossally huge if the tells Han keeps spotting are right. And despite his best efforts, the not knowing is starting to get to him.
Oh, he knows better than to push. Learned that the hard way a while back before it all went to shit. Han's stubborn even on a good day (he really has to be with a Wookie for a best friend), Leia's stubbornness is known throughout the galaxy (two rebellions, anyone?), and so Ben learned from the best(or the worst, depending on your point of view).
But those kriffing tells.
For all that Ben seems to want to constantly be around both him and his mother, he's never able to really look at them. And when he does, stars, the pain and agony in his eyes (in Leia's eyes) chills Han down to his very bones.
There's also this unfathomable grief and a kriff-ton of self-loathing that Ben seems intent on drowning himself in, and Han just wants to shake him and ask why. It somewhat goes away whenever Rey's nearby, but it still lingers even then. Doesn't help that she also gets ridiculously sad anytime he or Leia are in her line of sight just for a split second before she smoothes away all signs of her distress.
Of course, none of this takes away from the fact that his kid is back. His kid, his little Ben, who he thought he'd lost to the memories of a madman Ben never even met. Han knows he was generally just a shitty father all around, hindsight and all that, but the instant Ben had stumbled around that corner on the Falcon, he'd been filled with a fierce, fatherly pride he'd only really felt once before.
The day Ben was born.
Han sighs, resisting the urge to scrub wearily at his face. Glad as he is to have Ben back, this day has been exhausting and it's only halfway over with. First he finds the Falcon again through a stroke of luck, only to discover his son on it with two other people in tow. Then, when he takes them Takodana in an effort to get them and their droid to Leia safely, they still get ambushed and he ends up face to face with his wife for the first time in years. That's not even getting into the First Order weapon apparently built into a kriffing planet they now have to contend with.
And he'd thought the Death Star had been bad.
The base is currently in organized chaos getting ready for an assault on said planet...base...thing. Rey and Ben are working with Chewie checking the Falcon over, as they're the leading members of this insane attack. Ben to get the shields down to allow the other pilots to approach the planet and Rey to find the man who'd turned himself over so neither Rey or Ben would be taken (he's apparently something of a big deal to the two of them and that pilot who hovers as much as he can). Han, not quite willing to let Ben go harrowing off into the unknown, had offered up his and Chewie's services along with the Falcon to get his kid and girlfriend onto Ilum. That, for some odd reason, had earned him pinched looks from Ben, Rey, and that Dameron guy. None of them had protested, though, which had struck him as odd. The old geezers of Fleet Command had done plenty of protesting, but that was in regards to Ben going, not Han. Leia had beautifully slapped aside every single one of their arguments, driving home the point that none of them had a prayer of bringing down the shields should they be the ones to go. There simply wasn't enough time. Ben's bashfulness at having his mother immediately leap to his defense had been both amusing yet heartbreaking.
/You gonna just keep standing there, or you gonna do something useful?/ Chewie's question breaks through his wandering thoughts.
"Gets too depressing in there when I join them," he grunts. Otherwise he would be in there with them. Gods, Ben is back and fusting away in the Falcon with a girl who apparently knows her way around a ship, and Han is so ready to tease him over that, but the brokenness of the two just rubs him raw.
/The cubs are hiding something,/ Chewie comments.
It doesn't surprise him that the Wookie realized something's up. "Yeah, noticed that."
There's a beat of quiet between the two of them. /Han, Ben looks at you like he's already lost you,/ Chewie says solemnly. /He looks at both you and Leia like that./
Han finds himself blinking against tears he refuses to acknowledge. "Been trying to avoid thinking about that, thanks."
His friend snarls under his breath. /Han—/
"Chewie, we don't have time," Han hisses, throwing a look towards his ship to check that neither kid is nearby to hear. The both of them are barely hanging on as it is for all that they hide it well, and the last thing they need right now is that last string snapping. If one goes down, Han knows the other's going down with them. Too much is riding on this mission for that to happen. There's nowhere near enough time to evacuate everyone before Starkiller Base fires again, and it's pointed right at D'Qar.
He can be patient.
He's usually not very good at being patient, but for this he's willing to grit his teeth and bear with it. Just until Starkiller Base is dealt with, though. After that, if neither of them talks, Han just knows he's going to end up doing something questionable that he'll probably regret immediately afterwards.
/Then make time!/
Han throws his hands up in exasperation. "When, exactly, am I supposed to make time? We're prepping to go do something idiotic again and those kids ain't gonna talk until they get their friend back. Can't do much of anything till then."
Chewie stares at him, but Han refuses to budge. /You gonna do something about it after that?/
"Course I'm gonna!" He chuckles ruefully to himself. "If Leia doesn't get to them first."
Chewie nods in solemn agreement. /True enough./
They stand in silence, staring at the Falcon and musing over the people inside. Han's just getting ready to send Chewie back in when Ben appears at the top of the ramp. There's still pain in his son's eyes when they meet his own, but the set of his jaw reminds Han of when he's made up his mind even knowing other people won't like his decision.
"Dad, can we talk?"
A thrill still rushes through him to hear that title from Ben's lips.
"Sure kid. Chewie, go help Rey, would you?"
The Wookie gives him a knowing look, but lumbers up the ramp and disappears into the Falcon without protest. He does give Ben a pat on the shoulder that sends the kid staggering a few steps. It's sad and funny at the same time. Han's gonna be ridiculously happy when that conundrum of feelings stops happening. It makes his head hurt (to say nothing of his kriffing heart).
"So, what're you going to ask me that I definitely won't like?"
Ben doesn't even have the good grace to act surprised. "I want you to stay here with Mom instead of coming with Rey and I."
Ah, there's the protesting he'd expected earlier.
"Ben, sitting around and waiting isn't exactly my style," he points out. "And more hands on desk—"
"Dad," Ben interrupts him, and the pure terror now in his voice shocks Han into silence. "I need you to stay here. I can't—" His son sucks in a rattling breath, hands spasming at his sides. "I can't—"
It takes all his dodgy self-control, but Han doesn't let his hurt show. Ben might be back, but that doesn't mean he'll always want anything to do with his old man. "Well son, if you didn't want me going along with you, you could've said something in the meeting earlier."
Ben frantically shakes his head. "No, it's not—I thought—" His breathing becomes increasingly harsher as he jerks a hand through his hair. "I thought I could handle it, but I can't—" Ben makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat, turning in a tight circle before fixing an even wilder look on Han. "Snoke's idea to completely purge the Light from me was for me to lure you in and then kill you. If you come with us to Ilum, he still might have one of the Knights of Ren do it just to spite me or force me to Fall again, and I can't lose you!"
Oh.
Oh shavit.
He's a kriffing idiot.
"Kid—"
"Please! I am willing to beg if I have to, just please please stay here with Mom."
"Ben!" Han steps forward and grips his son's shoulders. It's only now that Han realizes Ben's taller than him. When they'd sent their son away to train with Luke, even Leia was taller than him, but now Ben towers over the both of them. Another thing missed. He looks directly into Ben's tear-filled eyes and finally understands the terror in them. In the face of them, there's really only one thing to do.
"Please," Ben's voice, now soft and pleading, breaks Han's heart all over again.
"Alright son." Hells, this has to be one of the hardest things he's ever agreed to do (or not do, really), but he hates seeing his son like this even more. If staying back with Leia will give Ben even a bit of peace of mind, then he's gonna do it. "You win. I'll stay put."
Ben sucks in a clearly startled breath. "You'll…You'll stay?"
"I'll stay," Han repeats, reaching up to brush away a tear that's started rolling down his cheek. "I'll even try my damnedest to get your mother off this planet if it all goes to shit again." He only gets a moment to see utter relief blossom across Ben's face before he's wrapped up in his son's surprisingly strong embrace.
"Thank you."
Han wordlessly returns the hug, not minding how his jacket's going to be so creased from where Ben's gripping it. Movement out of the corner of his eye has him looking to the Falcon again. At the top of the ramp is Rey. However, she makes no move to join them. She doesn't even go off at him with Ben clearly recovering from being upset. She just catches Han's gaze and dips her head to him before walking back into the ship.
"Alright kid, we've still got work to do," Han says gruffly after they stand wrapped up in each other for longer than he can ever remember happening before.
"Right, right, sorry." Ben lets him go and backs up two steps.
He nods to the Falcon. "Go on, she's waitin for ya."
Ben's boyish grin of happiness is a delight to behold, even with red rimmed eyes. Han watches fondly as he lopes back into the ship before sighing heavily.
Now he gets to go find his wife and explain to her why exactly he's not going with their son to Ilum anymore, and he already knows she's not going to be happy. Like, at all.
Joy.
Finn is very much of the opinion that he never wants to do this again. Being a prisoner sucks. Being a prisoner that knows things the enemy wants to know sucks even more. Especially when you're at the mercy of the Knights of Ren. Add on top of that that to them he's a traitor, and his day has just been shit ever since he turned himself over.
He doesn't regret doing so, but he still never wants to do this again.
His right arm went numb a bit ago, and he's pretty sure that's a good thing since he thinks it's actually broken. He's not entirely sure. Pain from his legs has been making him woozy. Those aren't broken. At least not yet. Unfortunately, he doesn't know if they'll support him if he manages to trick the guard into letting him go, so he's stuck here until someone comes to get him.
And they are coming.
He's learned to trust his instincts. And the Force.
So when the door opens again and Finn feels the starbright presence of Rey as soft footsteps approach, he can't help laughing. Of course, he winces in the next second because kriffing hell it hurts to laugh.
"Hey Rey," he greets her as she rounds the room so she's facing him.
There's a single heartbeat as they stare at each other that Rey is expressionless. Then she inhales sharply and a fierce wave of protectiveness washes over him while her lips curl back into a snarl.
"I am going to kill them," she hisses, stepping forward and punching in a code that releases the restraints holding Finn in place. When he shifts to try and stand, she lays a hand on his chest. "No, don't move just yet." She shuts her eyes, and it's only when her breathing begins to echo throughout the room that Finn realizes what she's doing.
She's healing him like she had that vexis snake out in the Sinking Fields on Pasaana. For the first time he has the entirety of her Force presence focused on him, and oh is she magnificent. He breathes out something like a sigh as she gathers up all the broken and frayed parts of him, and soothes them. They don't completely go away, but now he knows he'll at least be able to walk out under his own power.
"Now try standing," she murmurs after she's done, offering him a hand.
He takes it and levers himself to his feet. It's only her quick reflexes that keep him from unceremoniously face planting on the floor. The lack of pain doesn't mean his body has caught up with the fact yet. "I'm good, I'm good," he hurriedly assures her after a few quick breaths. "The shields?"
"Already down." She flashes him a grin that lights up her face. "We shoved Captain Phasma down a garbage chute for you. I insisted."
That startles another laugh out of him, only now it doesn't hurt. "I knew I liked you for a reason." Stars, it'd made his day back then and it's still making his day now. The notion of tossing his perfectionist former commanding officer down with the trash will never get old.
"Flatterer. Want to try walking now?"
Instead of answering, he takes a wobbly step forward. She huffs, but holds him steady until he no longer feels like his knees are seconds away from collapsing out underneath him. By then they've reached the door. The Wookie standing guard he expects. The Solo that's there with Chewie he does not.
And he does see Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.
Kylo Ren was always wound up so tightly that the slightest nudge was liable to send him off the deep end. Having to serve under him was considered both a privilege and a curse. A privilege because he was the Supreme Leader's apprentice. No better way to rise through the ranks than to serve under him. A curse because any mistake, trooper made or not, usually ended with the man throwing a fit of epic proportions.
Ben Solo is an entirely different man.
There's a looseness about him that immediately catches Finn's attention. He's still attentive of his surroundings, evident by his shifting weight when Finn and Rey walk out of the room, but he no longer seems like he's going to completely unravel should something go wrong. His feet are planted firmly instead of the constant pacing Kylo Ren did, and there's also an easy confidence in his body posture that Kylo Ren lacked. Like he's comfortable in his own skin rather trying so hard to be something for someone else.
"You good?" Ben looks at Finn expectantly, which still surprises him for all that Finn acknowledges that it is Ben Solo asking, not Kylo Ren.
"Yeah, I'm good."
A small grin spreads across Ben's lips. "Alright then. Let's go help some rebels blow up a thermal oscillator."
And abruptly, Finn feels his world go sideways because—
"Poe."
Immediately, both Rey and Ben are holding him up when his legs buckle on him. He's vaguely aware of Rey's lips moving, but all he can hear is a roaring in his ears because only now does he realize he might have regained Rey only to lose Poe, and he's not sure he can handle that truth. Now or later.
"Listen to me."
The command echoes in his head as he's forced to really pay attention to Rey. He grits his teeth and waits despairingly for her to continue. He doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't—
"Finn, Poe remembers."
And just like that, all is right with his world again. His legs lock back into place and hold him upright. He exhales harshly, only just now noticing his heart thundering away in his chest.
"Poe remembers?" he gulps out.
Ben is the one who speaks this time. "Yeah, he remembers. First thing he did was demand to know where you were. Said there'd be issues if we didn't give him a good answer. He wasn't very impressed when I said you were in the custody of the Knights of Ren and that it wasn't my fault. Master Jinn had to back me up."
Finn cringes. "Yeah, sorry about that." He fully expects Rey to yell at him about that later. He'd do the same if it'd been Poe, after all.
Ben claps a hand to his shoulder. "Just don't make a habit of it. Now, we do need to get moving."
Unexpectedly, a winter coat gets shoved into his hands. Finn stares at it momentarily in stunned disbelief before shrugging it on. Taking in a deep breath, he's unable to keep from smiling when the smell of his husband washes over him. He'd thought it looked familiar. He notices that Rey and Ben are already wearing coats, and that Ben's looks remarkably similar to the one Han had been wearing. For all he knows, it might be the same one.
Rey takes one of his hands in hers and uses that to pull him in the direction they need to go. Ben and Chewie fall in behind them as they hurry through this portion of the base. Finn's still surprised at how silent the Wookie can be when he puts his mind to it. He's also pretty sure Chewie used that to his advantage to scare the shit out of Finn quite a few times during and even after the war.
But now isn't the time for reminiscing.
How they manage to get out of the base without running into any guards, Finn chalks up to luck and possibly liberal usage of the Force by Rey and Ben. He's not certain about that second bit, but he wouldn't put it past either of them. When they finally step out onto the snowy surface of Ilum, his eyes are immediately drawn to the dogfighting X-Wings and TIE fighters lighting up the rapidly fading sunlight with their gunfire. The surface cannons create echoing booms every time they fire at an X-Wing.
Poe is up there, Finn thinks to himself as one of the X-Wings goes down in flames. And he'll continue to be up there until they manage to give him an opening to fully destroy the thermal oscillator and thus the base. Not that the situation isn't already urgent, but now Finn is doubly motivated to get shit done. All four of them sprint across the distance between the exit they just came out of and the thermal oscillator everyone's fighting over.
Abruptly, Rey peels away from their group, and Finn nearly skids to a halt before Ben grabs ahold of him and forces him to keep moving.
"She's getting the doors for us," Ben grunts out over his sputtering protests. "She'll join back up with us inside."
Right. Right. He'd just gone with her last time.
Once inside, Finn and Ben shed their coats only to suddenly have blasters fired at him. Ben and Chewie return fire with deadly accuracy, and Finn laments the fact that he has no weapon. The Knights of Ren had obviously taken the blaster he'd turned himself over, and it hadn't been in the room for him to take back. Ben must've noticed his expression, because he presses his blaster into Finn's hands. When he tries to give it back, Ben pats his hip where Finn spots a familiar saber. "You take it, I'm still good."
"Thanks," he mumbles in return as the hallway of doors lifts. He just hopes that Rey also has a blaster to go along with the staff he rarely ever saw her without.
Upon reaching the heart of the thermal oscillator, the bombs in Chewie's bag are quickly distributed between the three of them.
"We'll set them on every other column, alternating levels," Ben instructs. "Chewie, here's the detonator." The Wookie grumbles under his breath, but takes it. "Meet back here once you've finished."
Finn goes in the opposite direction of Chewie while Ben drops down a level. The thunk, thunk, thunk of his boots lulls Finn's senses, dulling out anything else as he presses bomb after bomb to every other column that he passes.
This is almost ridiculously easy without Kylo Ren to worry about.
The moment the thought floats through his mind, Finn nearly curses himself. That's exactly how you jinx a mission! Tell yourself how kriffing easy it is! If it all goes to shit because of him—
"Kylo Ren!"
Kriffing hell!
Finn nearly flings himself over the railing as he scrambles to see down below. Ben's back out that damned walkway, only it's not Han Solo advancing on him.
It's a Knight of Ren.
