Hello! Another month, another Update! Still gonna stick with the monthly updates for the time being, really hope you guys enjoy!
Dark eyes. Lips in red lipstick. High cheekbones. Long white hair that was dead straight. Quite tall, willowy, high heels and a tight pencil skirt. Long nails. Long red nails. I put the pencils and pens down and laid the paper flat. There she was. Aunty Mel. The woman who had been in the shadows all these years, bleaching my mind of her, scrubbing out my past little by little, to leave me a broken doll.
I smiled. Fuck you Aunty Mel. Fuck you.
Sho sat studying on my bed, taking notes, balancing his pen between his teeth as his eyes scored the pages, drinking in the information. He'd be fine, but he always worried about tests. I think that failed licence exam was going to affect him for a long while. That's fine, I'd be there to help him regardless. I leaned back in my chair, causing a small squeak.
His eyes flicked to me and he caught the pen as it dropped from his mouth. "You finished?"
"I think so. Done a few angles as best as I can recall them. But with only the perspective of my toddler self, it's hard to tell how tall or not she was. I tried to go from the height she seemed when I was being held by All for One, but… Yeah, it'll have to do for now." I shrugged and showed him me few pages of scrawls.
He took the paper and poured over them in his usual way, like every line was wonderful. How had I gotten so lucky? Leaving my chair, I went over to the bed and he automatically moved the paper aside, leaving his lap open for me to clamber into. Perfect. I slotted myself against him, my legs wrapped round his middle, my arms round his neck, my head facing away from the drawings.
"Hardly a nice subject matter, but these are still wonderful drawings." The paper fluttered against the bedding and his arms wrapped around me. "Did it help to get them onto paper?"
"A little." I hummed, holding tighter and just breathing with the thud of his heart against my chest. "I think so. Part of me wants to keep digging, to find out more, but I know forcing it isn't going to help. They'll come back naturally."
He leaned back and I took the hint to look at him properly. He nodded. "They will. You've already given your Dad and the police a lot to work with. Mel is a shortened version of something, be it Melania, Melody, Melony, whatever it is, they have something to go on now. They'll find her and make her pay."
"Yeah…" My throat pinched. "Sure."
He frowned and brushed his nose against mine. "You don't want that?"
"I do… I just…" I closed my eyes and sighed. "Whether it'll actually make a difference or not is what I'm wondering."
"What do you mean?"
"All for One is still biding his time in Tartarus. Chisaki as well, though they're still being fucking vague on whether that shit-stain lived or not after the Leauge attack. For now, I'm assuming he's alive and likely scheming."
"But even if he is alive, he's going to be quirkless, right? Didn't they say the League took his–"
"That kind of person doesn't need their quirk to be cruel." I opened my eyes and he winced at whatever he saw in my gaze. Part of me wanted to smile, to laugh it off, to swerve into a new topic and just pretend these fears didn't exist. But that was the old me. The one that didn't depend on people, that refused to rely on anyone but herself, and then proceeded to beat herself up. Stupid. Stubborn. But I'm learning, right? I took a long breath, his patience always amazing me, but always being appreciated as he waited for me to find the words. "I didn't see him after the abduction of course, but I heard him. And that voice… Those words… A simple lack of quirk is not going to stop him. He truly believed he owned Eri, that he had the right to 'fix' the world. That he had to. Determination like that isn't easy to forget once you've heard it, and you know what I mean, right? We hear it all the time."
Sho nodded. "Midoryia."
"Exactly. It's warmer from Izuku, of course, being hell-bent on saving everyone that he possibly can. But it's a similar demented determination. Chisaki had it, Shigaraki was getting it, Dabi definitely had his moments as well…" I shivered. "Funny how the same thing can be so inspiring in one person but so terrifying in others."
Sho held me tighter and kissed my cheek. "I guess it also explains why those others end up with such dedicated followings."
"Yeah, guess so." I breathed and put my forehead to his. "She had it too. My Aunt. When she spoke of hating me, of wanting me to know no happiness… It was exactly the same."
"She's insane."
"I know." I smiled and kissed him tenderly. "And she's already failed. I have plenty of happiness to be grateful for, even if she tore it all down tomorrow, she's already failed in her crazy craphouse of a plan."
"I'm glad. But she's not tearing anything down." He kissed me a little more insistently. "Not happening."
"Mm, you getting all knight in shining armour on me?" I chuckled, and he smirked but shook his head before he kissed along my throat, making my legs tighten around his middle.
"It's got nothing to do with me. As much as I'd always want to be there to help and protect you, of course, but I doubt I'll get the chance to be involved."
"W-Why?" I tripped over the word as he kissed at the hollow of my throat.
"Because you'll take care of her yourself. You don't need anyone to defend you, you're your own knight in shining armour."
"Mm, nice line."
"Easy to cook up when it's the truth." He breathed, leaning up, hand in my hair, pulling me into a proper kiss that had me shivering and clasping his shirt tight.
Ever since that quirk had faded and allowed me to return to my proper age, every touch from Sho was like an electric shock straight to my hormones. And he always met me halfway, kissing me deeper, holding me tighter, not even bothering to hide how he was hardening under the influence, grinding against me. He wanted me to know I was wanted, and damn I adored how eagerly he displayed it, without any kind of pressure behind the motions. The second I paused, he would let up. The merest hint of hesitation from me, he cooled off. Same for him from me, of course. Not that it had happened yet, but if it did, I would react in kind.
He moved us, pressing me down into the mattress, textbooks falling to the floor as he worshipped my curves with his wandering hands. I hooked a leg onto his waist, tugging him down against me, pressing that growing hardness into my aching nerves. We both moaned. We both rolled our hips. Taking that next step wouldn't be far behind, I think we both knew that, but for now this was enough. The kissing, the holding, the clasping and kneading. Fuck it was all so good. It felt like just normal things to be doing with a teenage partner, to be 'kids' (for lack of a better word) for those few moments in our bubble.
"Alex?" He panted, kissing along my shoulder where my t-shirt had slipped.
"Mm?" I arched my back when kissed along the collar, his lips lingering on the dip between my tits. My mind always wandered back to the shower in those moments, the feeling of his mouth against them under the water. We had to do that again. Soon. And everything else we had talked about in there.
"Well?"
I blinked. Oh crap he had asked something and I'd been in my pervy la la land.
He leaned back, smirking, eyes glazed and hair in disarray–can he blame me for being distracted with all that going on? When I continued to derp out and not respond, he rolled his eyes, kissed the end of my nose and sat up on his knees a little, still nestled between my legs thankfully.
He braced on his elbows either side of my head, caging me in his mismatched gaze. "Are you paying attention?"
"Very much so."
He snorted. "To what I'm saying, I mean."
I giggled. "Fine."
"Thank you." He kissed the end of my nose. "I was asking if you were sure about having our rooms so close to each other at Endeavour's agency. It's not sharing a room, but would make things easier. But I wanted to check if you still wanted that."
I raised a brow and looked down at our current closeness, my legs still wrapped around him, albeit slightly looser than before. "Uh… Duh?"
He sighed, kissing my cheek, then the other, then the end of my nose again. "I just don't want you to think you can't go back on things, okay?"
"I know, Sho. You're the prince of understanding. You can go back on things too."
"Mm, I'm well aware. I'm more concerned about what it's going to feel like after having been out in the field with you properly, watching you being amazing all day in that costume of yours…"
I bit my lip. "Been thinking about that, huh?"
"How could I not?" He hummed, eyes flickering down before sauntering back up. "You're very distracting at times."
Oh.
Okay, no wait...
I frowned and sat up, almost clunking our heads together. "Hold up."
He blinked and sat back immediately, looking over me and himself. "Was I leaning on you or–"
"No, no nothing like that." I sat up properly on my knees. "I can't be distracting you on the field."
"Alex I was joking, I just–"
"I get that." I smiled, leaning forward and taking his hands into my lap. "I do. But it does kinda raise a more serious conversation we need to have."
"Okay…" He didn't seem sure, but I knew what I was talking about.
I kept my smile in place. "We can't be endangering ourselves for each other out there, distracted by each other's well being or anything like that. Especially not throwing orders out the window for each other, or… well anything like that."
He frowned. "But we'll be on a team, we have to respond to teammates who need aid, right?"
"Right, but in a professional capacity, not an emotional one."
"Oh. Right…" He pinked. "Of course. Sorry, that was foolish of me."
"Not at all." I kissed the back of his hands. "I just figured we needed to talk about this plainly before we were out there in the thick of it. If we can help each other as teammates, awesome. But we cannot be acting out of reactions based on us being a couple, okay? It could endanger us, the team, civilians even."
He nodded. "You're right, you're completely right. I uh… This kind of brings something else up as well…"
"Yeah?" I squeezed his hands and let him find the words, his eyes off to the side, ears still pinked.
In those quiet moments, it sometimes felt like I could see his mind piecing things together. Perhaps worries he had been gnawing on, or simply conversations he had been wanting to have for a while. Not that he'd been withholding, but Sho liked to know what he wanted to say, and how. Being vocal was still fairly new to him. In terms of being honest, it was new to me as well. So I would gladly wait, and give him all the time and space he needed in order to get those tricky words into place.
He pursed his lips. "It was something my Mother said the last time I visited."
Oh. Okay, so this was serious.
I smiled softly and nodded, his uncertainty fading as quickly as it had cropped up.
He closed his eyes. "What if one of us didn't come back from the field one day?"
My grip on his hands tightened immediately.
Oh shit. Good point.
I looked down. One warm hand, one cold, both strong. Imagining them both cold, slack against the ground, bloodied and turning pale was horrible. But it was a very possible reality. Pro Heroes were constantly in the path of danger, and judging from our schooling thus far, things were only going to get more dangerous out there from here on. What if I lost Sho? What if he lost me? We'd be broken. And I didn't consider that arrogance either, his hands had a small tremble in them just from the subject being raised. This was our first real relationship, so as much as we were still just kids, it meant a lot. We couldn't let that break us, we couldn't let this relationship also be a potential full stop to what we both wanted to do–be Heroes.
Bringing my gaze back to his, I was glad to see him as uncertain as me.
I cleared my throat. "Why'd your Mum bring this up?"
He smiled softly. "When I mentioned you were being looked after by the School Nurse, Mom got a little concerned about what might happen once things were more 'serious'. Not talking from her own experience, she mentioned a friend she had a long time ago who was lost to Hero work very early on in her career, and how hard it hit her fiance at the time. Seems like the guy was pretty destroyed, didn't work ever again, turned to drink, all that kind of thing. So she was concerned I think because she can tell how deeply we care about each other and… Well, of course she doesn't want that kind of end for either of us."
I nodded. "Makes sense. All right…" I looked at our hands, raised them and gave a light squeeze.
We both had dreams. We both had our own driving forces. I wasn't becoming a Hero to please Sho, or to compete with him, or anything like that. I knew I could be by his side as a civilian if that was what I chose. And likewise for him. As much as we were together in this, we also had our own paths. So… So maybe that was the point. Work together but keep in mind that we still have our own separate lives.
"So, we make a promise."
"A promise?" He repeated, blinking.
"Yeah. If either of us is lost on the field, if we… If we d-die… Or are injured like really bad. Like to the point of being in a vegetative state… The other has to continue living."
He swallowed hard. The images were likely rushing past his mind, those beautiful mis-matched eyes shining a little as he could so easily recall me in a hospital bed–thankfully I hadn't had to endure the sight of him like that yet. Then he drew a long breath, with a slight wobble, and nodded.
I kept going. "We have to keep going with our lives, both in work and everything else. Not just duty, but everything else. Like… Like finding other love and stuff." I added on at the end with a small blush.
He licked his lips. "S-So we mourn, we grieve, but we don't just… Stop."
"Exactly." I smiled, eyes feeling a little warm, but I guess that was to be expected. "So, promise?"
He leaned close and kissed me tenderly. "I promise."
I sniffed and kissed him as well. "I promise."
I sat back, took a long breath and then let go of his hands so I could tackle him in a hug, sending him back into the mattress with an 'oof!'.
"Right!" I chirped. "That's quite enough macabre shit for today, let's go downstairs and see if there's any ice-cream in the freezer."
He hugged me tight and hauled us up, setting me on my feet before turning and offering a piggy-back. "Your carriage awaits."
I jumped on. "I love you, Sho."
He headed out the door, hitching me higher on his back. "I love you, Alex."
All packed for the upcoming Work Study. Everything was ready to go. But before we would leave tomorrow, Dad had brought Eri for a visit. As soon as the front door of the Dorms opened, I ran over to her, scooped her into my arms, and she threw her arms out wide to pretend to fly. So naturally, I let her have a little soar around the room. Her laughter only got louder. I caught her again and kissed her cheek. She beamed. Only then did I note how much larger her horn seemed to have become. Did that mean her power would flare soon as well?
Dad was smiling as he perched against the back of a sofa, and he nodded when I looked to him with worry. "Monoma is coming here in a few minutes to see if we can make some progress with Eri's quirk. It's just a theory, but we're hoping he can better explain how it feels as a quirk in terms of activation and such."
"And if it doesn't work?"
"We'll keep trying things. C'mon let's wait for him on the couches all right? Don't look so worried, Alex, we're not ignoring this."
Assuming my own shebacle with the de-aging quirk hadn't been distracting him, sure.
As I sat down with Eri still held close, Dad flicked my head. "And no, your run-in with that quirk didn't stop or impede any progress with that research. We have the capability to deal with more than one thing at a time."
He could read minds. I was sure of it.
Of all the people to help Eri, Monoma was not who I would have expected. But at least he kept his more obnoxious side slightly tempered when presented with Eri's small, quiet, but very cute self. He raised a brow at us and did the test. He offered her a hand, and I nodded along with Dad to Eri, encouraging her to touch the creep's palm. That was all it had to be. Touch. That was enough. I picked her up again immediately and let her hide in the crook of my neck, playing with my slightly longer hair.
Monoma took a moment, pondered, frowned and shivered. Then he sighed. "Blank."
"Blank?" I looked him over. "The heck does that mean?"
"Means it's the kind of quirk that needs to build up before use. Kinda like if I took Fatgum's quirk but didn't eat a ton first. I'd technically have the quirk but it's effectiveness would be zilch due to the lack of fat accumulated. Understand?"
"Right… Guess so."
I looked down at Eri, her face calm as she traced along the slightly paler scars at my throat, big eyes fascinated. So we couldn't help her this way either. Were we seriously going to be left with only the option of waiting for her power to overwhelm her and potentially hurt her again? I hated that. It was awful. And yet, she was only just managing to communicate on normal things now. Like when she was hungry or cold. Communicating the nuances of a quirk were far more intricate and involved, especially considering how much Chisaki had made her afraid of her own power. Making it something to be ashamed of. Bastard. I hoped he was rotting in Tartarus.
Monoma stepped towards me, right into a wall of my quirk. He chuckled and rubbed the sore spot on the end of his nose. "I was just going to give a direct example with your quirk, that's all."
"Trust me buddy, you do not have the mental capabilities to control it properly."
He snorted. "Arrogant. Shocker."
"Don't go underestimating shit you know nothing about, idiot." I rolled my eyes and walked away towards the garden with Eri, pausing as my head grew fuzzy. A memory? Maybe. I knelt down and set her on her feet, encouraging her to go outside and play in the sunshine. I'd be right there.
I closed my eyes. Just get it over with.
How've I been gone so long? How's this sweet little girl not hate me for leaving her like so many others had already? She is taller now, looking a little less baby-faced as she plays with her dolls at the table. Sunshine bounces off her pale grey hair, and her legs swing as she sits and talks in her various little voices. Each doll has its own way of speaking. Own personality. She was playing, creating, imagining. She was being a kid.
"She's missed you a lot." Sho murmured, hugging me from behind as we stood at the patio doors. He kissed my cheek. "She used to read to you everyday before it was suggested she not see you quite so frequently. But whenever she did, it was a new book, or she told you about a new doll or simply a new character she had given the current doll." He laughed softly and gave a gentle squeeze.
"You sound so familiar with her now." I placed my hands over his against my stomach. "You been spending more time with her or something?"
"She insisted. She said she should get to know one of Alex's princes."
Somehow, despite everything that had happened, Eri was still so damned kind.
I blinked and slowly got up from my kneeling position, seeing Eri as her usual height and baby-faced self. The memory, or vision, had felt a little ways away, but not that long. The near future. But why had she been missing me? Why had she been stopped visiting me? Where the hell had I been?
Dad put a hand on my shoulder. "Memory?"
"I th-think so." I swallowed hard, that warm contentedness still brimming my mind, but now tainted by a fear of what the hell had come before it. "Something's coming, Dad. And I think… I think it's to do with that weird vision I saw of me in the hospital bed for a long time."
"I'll get my notes, describe it all in detail."
I nodded and he left to get the right notepad. No detail would be left out, of course. But… But the problem was, I doubted how much these things were actually going to help. Would trying to avoid these futures just ensure that they happened? That was the classic scenario, wasn't it?
"Hey, Alex?" Eri called from outside and I stepped into the sunshine to join her. Whatever the future held, I would make the most of this present. After all, it was a gift.
That evening, after dinner, a knock sounded at my door. I expected Sho, or maybe Bakugo, but instead I found Izuku looking uneasy. Dark circles ran under his eyes, and his hands fidgetted together. I stepped aside and he entered my room, mumbling apologies and keeping his head in an almost constant dipping.
"Uh, Izuku are you–"
It poured out of him.
"I'm-so-sorry-to-barge-in-like-this, but I figured I should talk to you about it before anyone else, as-you-actually-know-about-my-quirk, and you're going to be far more helpful than Kacchan of course. He wouldn't listen. N-Not-that-he-has-to. Or you for that matter! Sorry. Should I go?"
I put my hands on his shoulders. "No, the last thing you should be doing is going anywhere. First, take a few big breaths for me."
He did as told, closing his eyes and shivering. But he did take the breaths, and he seemed to shake a little less afterwards.
"All right." I eased him to perch on my bed. "Brilliant work. Now, what is it you want to talk about? Is your quirk okay?"
"Black whip is being a bit weird but y-yeah, otherwise fine."
The tremble in his voice and wobble to his lips said otherwise. I put an arm around him, and he flinched, gritting his teeth as he no doubt prepared to back-peddle like a pro. Bakugo had said it himself, Izuku was terrible at asking for advice. I got it. It hadn't exactly been a great habit of mine either until recently.
"I'm gonna need you to trust me, Izuku, can you do that?"
He blinked and looked at me, slightly horrified. "Of course I trust you, Alex. I trust you almost as much as All Might himself! I just… This-is-such-a-weird-thing-to-be-bringing-up, and I could hurt you simply by talking about it and–"
I pressed his lips closed with a nudge from my quirk. "If it's something I don't feel capable of talking to you about, I'll say so, all right? No bravado, I'll just admit I'm not okay and we'll go from there."
"You s-swear?"
"Thought you trusted me?"
He laughed breathlessly. "Yeah, of course, sorry."
"It's fine, just wanted to see that smile again." I squeezed him a little then let go, leaning on my knees, letting the air calm a bit. "So, it's to do with your power?"
"Kind of."
"All right, explain it as best you can."
For a moment I wondered if he had heard me at all, his eyes going a bit glassy and his mouth pressed into a thin line. But then he jolted and reached into his hoodie pocket, bringing back out a notebook which he handed over and then clasped his hands tightly.
"Page t-ten onwards. Please."
"You want me to read it? Aloud?"
"N-No just for yourself, but I can't say it so j-just read it?"
"All right, give me a minute." I nudged him again, smiled softly and then nodded to my small kettle. "While you're waiting, how about you make some tea?"
"Sure. Right. Good idea!"
I turned to page ten, not pausing to look at anything before that point.
OFA Considerations:
All 8 vestiges have power? Any others without power? If all have power, how can body contain that along with AM version? Or is it all one thing? Consider. Percentages and ability.
Stream of consciousness sprawled across the page, his hand writing spidery in some places, clearly scrawled in moments of panic or perhaps when half awake, during the night. It was horrible to consider how alone he might have felt when writing these things. But now he was sharing. That was the important bit.
Power to keep growing? If true, need to increase training regime, maybe back to original plan, talk to AM about getting back to intense works. If not, perhaps body can handle even better now. Unlikely. Mounting power set though, flaring moments. Alex spoke of similar things, when her Q acts up. Talk to her. Todoroki as well? Multiple Q experience. He wouldn't mind?
Anger. New side effect? Or unlocked something at same time as Black Whip? Or just noticed. Keeps building, and despite Black Whip vestige saying to use anger, I'm afraid. How to control it? AM might not get it. Alex? Talk to her.
Stop making them worry.
"Pretty pathetic, right?" He muttered from the desk where he was perched, stirring our teas, head hung, hair falling over his eyes.
I folded the book, set it on the bed, went over to him and smiled. And then I pinched the end of his nose. He stared ahead, wide-eyed.
I flicked his forehead and returned to my seat on the bed. "Don't make me do that again, Izuku."
He rubbed his nose. "I-I'll do my best."
"You are not pathetic."
"B-But I–"
"No." I glared, and he stopped. "You're a kid who is learning to deal with his quirk, at a far greater rate than anyone else, and on top of that new powers are popping up like fucking daisies. So no wonder you're feeling confused. So… What are you?"
He took a few moments longer than I liked, but eventually he answered. "Learning."
"Right. But... I am guessing you are more wanting my help with this newfound anger side of things?"
He handed me my tea. "Kinda. Not that I wanna suggest you're an angry person but–"
"Izuku. We're discussing you, stop being so paranoid about offending me. I'm well aware that's not your intention."
He closed his mouth.
I nodded. "During the Yakuza incident you saw me on that edge, Izuku. I know why you're asking."
I had often wondered what exactly Izuku, Ura and the others had thought when they saw me that day; broken and angry. Had I ruined their perspective of me forever? Would they ever truly trust my capabilities on the field again? Had I made them fear me? The whole world lay at my feet and I wanted it all destroyed. Utterly destroyed. And I nearly did it. So close to just letting it rule me; the pain, anger, fury, revenge, bloodlust. It had simmered under my skin a lot like Dabi's madness did.
My hands trembled. "So, can I ask why don't you feel like you can talk to All Might about it? Your notes said he wouldn't get it but… I have to disagree with that."
"I know he feels anger, and he has a harsher side of course, everyone does. But… I don't know… I feel like his anger always has a purpose, a target, it isn't just there in his chest, burning a hole."
Izuku sounded in so much pain.
I leaned closer, touching my shoulder to his for a mere moment before retreating again, giving him his own space. "Is there a pattern to when it crops up?"
"Not really. Sometimes it's at myself, other times it's aimed at Kacchan. I hate it."
That was pretty familiar as well. Not only did the anger taste like bile, when there wasn't anything else in your system to be rid of, so your body just burned bitterly, but it also festered into a special kind of self loathing. I hated plenty things in this world, but I don't think I had ever truly managed to hate anything as effectively or deeply as I had hated myself in my darkest moments. Some of which I might not even fully recall thanks to my damned Aunt.
"Okay…" I tried to find the right words, but once it became clear the pauses were affecting Izuku more than anything else, I decided to go for it. No more hesitation. Just speak from the heart, it was Izuku, he would appreciate that. "You're a pretty positive person, Izuku, at least, you present yourself as that. So, considering how much struggle you've had in your life, this kind of repressed rage isn't all that surprising."
"Repressed?" He repeated it and looked down, his hands turning up so he could study his palms. One scarred, the other a little pink where his nails had been digging in. "I seem repressed?"
"Only in the same way that I am." I smiled softly and touched shoulders again, he loosened a little at that. Common ground. It was why he had ended up at my door but I could fully appreciate that fact he might lose sight of that a little for himself.
"Why can you… How do you…" Izuku laughed a little weakly, and I went to crack the window open to allow some fresh air in. I sat back down and laid a hand on his shoulder, he gave a small nod, the physical contact was okay. He tried again. "You don't talk about it without b-being asked or anything, but when you are asked you… Alex, you talk about th-this stuff so openly, so un… un-unafraid. I d-don't get it."
The stutter wasn't something I had noticed before. Perhaps the odd word, but it seemed to be catching up on him a little. A blush bloomed in his cheeks, turning his freckles a little darker as his eyes sought his shoes once again.
I drew a long breath. "Scares the shit out of me, to be honest."
His silence encouraged me to glance his way again, and I found him looking very confused.
I smiled. "Keep in mind, Izuku, I'm not as honest as you might imagine. I'm speaking the truth, of course, but the confidence? The calm attitude? All pretty much bullshit, easily swatted away with a little close inspection."
My hand hovered in front of us, trembling badly, practically vibrating. I then held out my wrist and he felt my pulse, panicked and thundering. Speaking of such things scared me a lot. It made them real. It reminded me that they actually happened. Without speaking about it I might manage to eventually convince myself it hadn't happened. Or at least, it hadn't happened quite as it did. I may manage to soften the blow to myself, or put a shine on things. But speaking about it didn't allow that. It shone a light on the details, made me look and witness what the hell I had done, or seen, or thought about.
"So…" He swallowed hard. "So how do you do it?"
"I consider why the person asking has asked." I shrugged and lowered my hand, putting my shoulder to his and lingering. The trembling in my frame almost matched his now that I was allowing him to notice it. "You came here looking for common ground, and so I'm giving it to you, because I know you'd never use it against me. You're wanting this advice, or talk, or whatever, so you can go onwards and become an even better Hero than you already are, right? Can't say I know why anyone would want to avoid that. Unless they were a Villain. Or a moron." I chuckled and shook my head.
He swallowed hard. "I just… I don't want anyone to worry about me anymore."
"Not gonna happen."
He flinched. "But I really was getting better at handling my power, I was–"
"It's not about improvement or failings, Izuku." I said and he blinked at me, those big green eyes so steeped in intelligence normally, were glassy with ignorance. With my power I tugged on one of his green curls. "People care about you. Because you inspire them to do so."
"I… But I… If I was stronger–"
"It isn't about your strength, dumbass. Your mother would worry whether you were as good as All Might or ten times his power. Why? Because she doubts you? Fuck no. Because she wants you to be safe, and she knows she can't fucking do that for you anymore."
Whether the words were getting through entirely or not, I couldn't be sure. But a little less doubt lingered in his expression at least. He looked ahead again and put a hand to his chin, murmuring under his breath like usual.
I nudged again. "It's why my Dad worries about me. He knows my power is more my own than it ever has been before, he knows my control has come on leaps and bounds, and he knows he's becoming less and less a vital aspect of my life. At least, in terms of protecting me. Eventually it'll become my job to reassure him. To show him how much I still need his grumpy arse."
Izuku snorted and shook his head. "You… You're so odd, Alex. But I think I know what you mean. No one is… No one's doubting me, they're just... loving me. Even if it's in a worried way."
"Kind of, yeah." I gave him a quick hug round his broad shoulders. It seemed like he got wider every time I saw him, always growing, always taking those lunges forward. "As for the darkness… Find someone to talk to about it. Be that me, Bakugo, or whoever. But someone to vent to is going to be important."
He nodded slowly, glancing my way. "Who do you vent to?"
"Sometimes my Dad, sometimes Sho. Depends on the kind of darkness that it is. Sometimes I don't dare talk to either of them, I go to my counselor instead. We all have darkness, Izuku, it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just something else we need to learn to adapt to and conquer. Or at least, train it a bit."
"Train it…" He murmured, tapping his chin as his mind began to churn.
"Yeah. Like… Well like the other day, when I recalled and confirmed that the Wwite-haired woman who has been fucking with me for a while, is in fact my Aunt. My whole body was fizzing with rage, I wanted to demolish the damn world, or at least the building. That of course was not the right move though, so instead I focused all that power and anger at a boulder."
Izuku blinked. "You mean the one Cementos was studying this morning?"
"Yeah. I offered to move it aside, as it was going to be a problem if it fell on anyone, being a lot denser than the others after my efforts, but he was too intrigued for that to happen yet. But that boulder took it all. And as much as I failed to contain the power, at least I released it in a controlled way, a purposeful way. I was still in control, I was not allowing myself to become overwhelmed. Does… Does that make more sense?"
He nodded and looked to the side. "Feel the anger, but don't let it take control."
"Exactly. Because then you're still you."
Whatever the root of this remained hidden, sure he had told me a little, and the notes gave a little insight, but it wouldn't be the full story. With Izuku I doubted anyone got the full picture. He didn't want to burden anyone. To make them feel like they had to look after him. Made sense. I got it, absolutely. And as far as I was concerned, it was entirely valid. I just hoped he knew how much we also wanted him to depend on us.
"I dunno if this is too much but… I want to be honest with you, Izuku." I slowly reached and he didn't retract his hand from his lap. Carefully I took it in mine, and still he didn't retreat. "We're good friends, yeah? Or pretty decent?"
He nodded. "Y-Yeah, of course."
"So you trust me?"
"Absolutely."
"All right. Then I hope you actually listen to this, because I ain't great with this honesty emotional stuff." I smirked and he blushed, a small smile in place. "As much as you don't want us to worry about you or have to be there to back you up… We want to be there. Because you matter to us, because you deserve our help and our friendship. Okay?"
He blinked. If I hadn't hit it on the head, I was at least nearby.
I squeezed his scarred hand. "Do you believe me?"
"I… Yeah." He swallowed hard, eyes shining in that usual way. "Th-Thanks."
"Anytime. And I mean that."
He smiled softly. "I know you do."
"Good!"
SHOUTA POV
They were gathering as much information as possible, piecing things together. But whoever this Mel woman was, she hid her tracks well. Alex hadn't recalled a last name, so it made things more difficult, and of course Mel could literally erase memories. Hard to follow that kind of blotted trail. Beyond that, Shouta couldn't help but wonder how this was starting to affect Alex. She was being more honest with things these days, more open with how they worried her or made her fear. But something was lingering in her eyes each time she had a new memory. An uncertainty. Maybe. He wasn't sure, but he just hoped she would confide in him once she realised what it was. Then again, it was new territory for all of them. Some kind of foresight quirk had been forced onto her, and she was recalling the temporary results. Other than Knight-Eye, who of course was beyond helping anyone, Shouta didn't know anyone who would be able to help Alex figure it out.
If they didn't, they would just have to focus on the other part. On helping her through it whenever these things came to pass. Be it the confrontation with her Aunt, or the visions themselves. The work study would do Alex some good. Give her the present to focus on, the current task at hand to throw herself into. And it would be good for her to see the other side of Hero work. Shouta knew his work had a niche appeal. And Alex was keen, of course, but she was right to want to try the other side, to step into the light and see how it felt. Either way, she would be a great Pro. He really didn't mind whichever path she chose, as long as it was the one she truly wanted to follow. As long as he maybe got a chance to see her once in a while, share a cup of coffee or catch up, show how proud he was of her blazing successes.
He smirked at himself and rubbed his itching eyes, trying to convince himself they weren't getting teary. She would be brilliant. And even if Endeavour was an awful father and questionable human being, he was a decent Hero. She would learn a lot. As long as that was all that she had to deal with.
Shouta sighed. There was no point worrying over it; she would be in the company of one of the best agencies in the country, not to mention Todokori, Bakugo and Midoryia. They would all look after each other. And yet… The worries remained. She was well recovered from the de-aging quirk, but the memories were troublesome, and there was no telling when the League might next make an appearance. But, he couldn't let those fears hold himself or her back. They had to keep going. Keep learning. Keep growing. Together, and apart.
The door to his suite closed.
"Whoa, who's essay gave you that expression?" She laughed, coming into the kitchen and nudging him as he sat by the island counter. He smiled at her and tried to claw himself back into the present. She would have her own nerves to be dealing with, she didn't need to be hearing about his own. "Dad?"
Dammit, he hesitated too long.
"I'm good. You all packed and ready to go?"
"Yeah, just had a chat with Izuku and figured I'd spent a little time with you before bed. That okay? You look kinda beat."
"Charming." He nudged her and she stuck out her tongue. "I'm fine, just trying to get all this paperwork ready for the work studies. Not everyone had such a simple sign up."
"Please don't tell me Tokoyami has had more headaches from Hawks." She rolled her eyes, and Shouta wondered if she realised how highly the Number 2 Hero spoke of her. Not that Shouta knew why. They had only met once, when Shouta had to attend a boring Hero conference and Hawks had been fresh on the Hero scene. He had been obnoxious and Alex, being her sassy child-self, had not been impressed and very vocal about that. But since then, it seemed the high-rising Hero had kept a close watch on her progress. Perhaps too close. Shouta hadn't said anything as it sounded far too paranoid, but something didn't seem quite right in Hawk's attentiveness. But again… Paranoid.
"No that's all fine, just a few legal headaches here and there due to parents being extra cautious. Makes sense, considering."
"Yup." She pulled up a stool. "By the way… I hadn't really had a chance to say it, but uhm… Thanks."
Shouta raised a brow. "For…?"
"For trusting me with this."
He blinked. "What, the work study?"
She pinked and nodded. The honesty was appreciated, but as ever she needed a little more of a nudge to get the whole thing out of her head. Her busy, mature, world weary head.
He put an arm around her. "What's on your mind, kid?"
"Just… Some of the stuff I was talking to Izuku about… I realise that you've seen me in some pretty shitty head-spaces and seen some of my worst habits and… Well I appreciate the vote of confidence in letting me take this new step."
Shouta squeezed her softly and kissed her head, her brilliant but sometimes dense and overthinking head. "You've come a long way, Alex. I trust you."
"Yeah… So again, thanks." She smiled and leaned into the hold.
"Fancy a movie?"
"Sure. Sounds perfect."
ALEX POV
The street is cold. It's always so damned cold down here in the gutter. Guess you never get used to that sensation; of being at the bottom. But this time I wasn't alone. This time, being alone would have been better. Sho was unconscious. He lay there behind me, so still and unresponsive. What had happened? His body smoked gently. Oh right, Dabi. My mind reeled. Dabi had attacked. At least the burns looked minimal. Sealed in my dome I would keep him safe. But I still had to buy time, for the others to get here, for the back-up to find us and take us home. Please. I'm counting on you guys to dig us out of this shitpile.
Here come the blue flames again. I throw a shield into place for myself, not moving the dome from Sho. It wouldn't take much. One moment, that was all Dabi needed. But I wasn't about to give it to him. Damn that. And damn him. Not today, he wasn't going to break me. He wasn't going to use Sho for his sick revenge plot, for his wallowing.
Dabi approaches, holding his arms out wide, grin splitting his face, staples straining to hold on. Mania. It shines in his bloodshot eyes and pearled teeth. My Dabi was nowhere to be seen, only the League one was present. I held firm. I didn't dare flinch. Show him no sign of weakness, it would only entice him. I think. Truth is, I knew nothing.
His head tilted and he stepped forward. "Nothing? Nothing to say to me?"
I swallowed. Could he see me shivering? Did he know how scared I was, how much it hurt to see him stalking towards me like some measly bit of prey?
He continued. "Come on, we have so much history, we helped each other for so long and through so much! That has to count for something. Why shut me out? Why not let me at least step in–"
"Stay back." I choked, steadying myself in front of the still smoking body of Sho, my shivering flooding my whole frame. Dabi had no reason to hurt Sho, nothing beyond torment. Be that for me, his brother, or his father. Regardless, pointless. D-Dammit. My Dabi was gone. That history he referred to was burnt away, singed to nothing. Why did things always do that with me? Fade. Crumble. Drift away to nothing but a memory. Did I do that? Was it my effect on the world? How had I not managed to help him avoid this darkness? Could I do nothing? Nothing but watch him fade.
A tear escaped.
Dabi threw his head back and laughed, blood trickling from the edges of his torn lips. "Don't give me the sap show. Don't!" He snarled after when another fell from my eyes.
I sniffed. "It's not a fuckin' show."
"Bullshit. I know you. Heart of steel, just like me, dammit! Don't pretend you're like them, you can't afford to be!"
"Maybe I can now." I spoke so small, so weak, but I knew he could hear me. Part of me hated that he could.
His hands lowered. "Why?"
"Because things are d-different."
"Because of Prince Charming? Well there's your Prince, smouldering after he couldn't stand up to my heat. Not much of a reliable partner, is it?"
"And what do you suggest?" I snapped, stepping forward. Partially to get in his damned face, and partially to buy Sho some more space. "That I rely on you?"
He growled. "You could before."
"Before you became this. Someone willing to burn their own family to a crisp in order to prove a point. When you left, how old was he? A toddler? Even that?"
He grimaced, stalking closer. "You gotta stop using those shitty words like they mean anything."
I laughed bitterly. "Family? Ya mean that shitty word?"
"And if I do?" He bellowed, closer and closer.
Dammit. Don't make me do this Dabi, please. I keep saying he's gone, but in that little space in my heart remaining, I don't want to accept it. You're it. The last bit. A tiny shred. The only bit of my past I can cling to, and yet… What am I holding onto? The idea of what he used to be. Dammit that stung.
He cackled. "You don't have a family Alex. Ya got no one!"
"I have plenty!" I screamed, marching forward, creating some space between me and Sho, keeping him as out of it as possible. Dabi's hand lit. No. "Stop."
"Or what?" He scoffed, the flames brightening.
I reached with my power, I clasped his throat. "Or I stop you."
He snarled through another laugh and the fire appeared in his other hand. I was going to have to do it, I'd have to kill him. He would have it no other way. Barely three steps apart. The heat reached my skin. I swallowed hard. Stop. Please stop. P-Please.
He tilted his head against the pressure of my quirk. "Well, Alex? What's it to be?"
And then I saw it.
Shit. It was the last thing I wanted to see.
In his eyes, the same eyes I had seen crinkle at the edges with laughter, the ones I saw wide and haunted when he woke from nightmares. The ones that flickered with dreams and then fluttered open to smile dazedly at me. Dammit. I saw it as clear as day in those pools of blue–he wanted me to kill him, to end it. He wanted me to be his killer. Shit. Sh-Shit, can I do this? Is that saving him? Is it what is best for him, for us? Darkness had claimed him entirely, and maybe the last shred of my Dabi that could still breathe was pushing this as a means of making things right. Or… Or I'm just trying to validate. C-Crap. Help. Someone help.
My hand clasped his throat. The skin was blisteringly hot, but I held on anyway. If I was going to do this, I couldn't do it only via my power. I had to be present, witnessing what the hell I was doing. Shit, what am I doing?
He loomed, voice cracking and thickened by his own damned tears. I knew it. "Gonna kill me little girl? Save your prince?"
"S-Save someone maybe…" I gasped, squeezing with my hand and power alike.
He choked. He began to struggle. Fire lanced along my back, it fired towards Sho but the shield was still wrapped around him. Safe. Unharmed. But I couldn't bring myself to shield my own body. Like I didn't deserve to come out of this unscathed.
My costume began to burn. I wailed. My skin peeled back. Shock set in. Numb. Fuck I'm going numb. My leg gave way, I clung onto his throat.
I snarled. "If this is what you want, stop fucking fighting me!"
"Not. In my. Nature." He gagged, my skin bubbling where I gripped as we fell to the ground. On my knees, or one of them, his hands clasped my wrist. Squeeze. Struggle. Squeeze. Twitch. My leg burned away entirely. My arm would be next.
His eyes went wide. "Thank you."
I screamed.
He mouthed two words silently before his pupils burst wide with death. "I'm sorry."
I woke with a screech.
It ripped out of me as I fell from my bed in Dad's suite, scrambling back, hitting the wall, lungs aching as the noise tore from my lips. What the hell was that? Had it been a memory? No. A vision? Real like the ones of the future or planted? Shit. Which was it? Tell me! Someone! Is that the future or only a possible one? How do I change it? Can I? Should I? Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
The lights came on.
Dad held me close.
His voice rumbled in my ear, his arms strong and warm as he tried to ease my sobbing wails. I clung to him. There was nothing else for it. Tears soaked into his jumper, my teeth caught against the soft fibers as I continued to be wracked by cries, my body convulsing against the images. Dabi lying under me, dead. Eyes glassy. Smile vacant. Dead. Gone. No. Don't be real. It can't end that way. Please. Anything. Anything but that. Shit. No!
But why did I still care?
Dabi had made his stance clear; he used me, burned me, he held no more affection for me than any other piece on his demented board. In the vision, or memory, or whatever, he burned my fucking leg off.
And yet? And yet…
Eventually I just breathed ragged and kept my eyes closed, tears still leaking past my eyelashes, soaking onto my pajamas or Dad's jumper. What a mess. It was all such a mess, and seeing it before it potentially happened was doing nothing but driving me mad. Wasn't it? Maybe. Fuck I don't know. I know nothing. Less than nothing.
I don't want that future. I don't want it.
But do I need it?
… I…
Dad leaned back and wiped the tear tracks away, waiting until I was able to open my eyes to gently cup my face. I blinked against the soft yellow lighting. His hair was scooped back into a tie, his glasses askew on his nose, his tired eyes searching mine. Dad. For so long he had protected me, raised me, comforted me. When would that change? My throat pinched and my lips wobbled. When. Not if? On the streets me and Dabi had protected each other, we'd raised each other from our darker moments, we'd comforted each other too. So was that why? Why I couldn't let go of trying to reach Dabi? In case that division, that betrayal, was what waited at the end of every relationship? Did I just turn people away? My own parents wanted rid of me. My own Aunt cast me aside. Did I do that? Or turn them to darkness? Is it my fault? No. Not my fault, but is it just part of all my futures? The logical side to my brain shakes its head, taps its foot and points to the notes from counselors. But the fear… Oh my fucking god the fear is so much louder.
"Dad…"
"Yeah?" He breathed, pushing my hair back. "I'm here, kid."
"I...I love you, Dad."
I'd spoken to Izuku about relying on people, about trusting those connections to endure. I couldn't have felt like more of a hypocrite. Everything felt like I sat atop thinning ice. Pieces were already falling in. What would be next? Who would be next?
Dad smiled softly. "I love you too. C'mon you gonna give me anything beyond that? Was it a memory? A vision?"
"I…" My lips wobbled to silence.
"You're trembling. What did you see–"
"H-Hot chocolate?"
He was quiet for a moment and he sighed, but I knew he wouldn't fight me on it yet.
"Yeah. Of course." And as he carried me through to the kitchen, like he'd forgotten I was fully grown again. I didn't object. I just hid in the crook of his neck and breathed in coffee, cologne and ink.
After everything that has happened, after all my progress, I'm still just a scared little rat reaching for those who are walking away. Because I'd turned them away, or life was leading them in another direction, or simply chance was tearing us apart.
Don't… Don't leave me… Please…
I'll do anything.
Please.
Thanks so much for reading, faving, following and reviewing! Check Shoutouts below and see you in a month! 8th oct!
SHOUTOUTS:
zikashigaku: Haha yeah I am just wanting to sow some seeds for what MIGHT occur between the three of them, MAYBE! Less focus on explosion boy this time round, but I didn't want the whole story to just be about that now haha. Hope you still enjoyed! Hehe I love writing Sho teasing Alex like that, it feels really genuine to me. And yes! It is the Aunty! I hope you enjoyed the chapter and thank you again for still chiming in!
