I sat on the porch gently rocking the chair swing back and forth as I stared out into the night at the farm in Kentucky. It was early or late, depending on how you wanted to look at it. I'd woken up at 0215 and the freshest nightmares had forced me from bed and downstairs to make a coffee instead. My coffee was long gone. The mug was cold in my hands, though I still gripped it. The alcohol from earlier was making me feel tired and sluggish.

Today had been the last of the funerals. I'd managed to hold my shit together throughout all of them. Cobb's funeral was horrid. His Mom sobbed the entire time and afterward I didn't get a moment of peace from his family. Everyone treated me like the hero I wasn't and I hated it.

Glover's funeral was just as bad. Afterward, his wife with their month old baby had come up to me and asked me how I did it. How did I manage to move on after Riley? I had no answers for her. I told her that you never do, you just learn to live with the pain. Seeing her face crumple and her breaking down after that had made me dive for a bottle of scotch. I'd gotten so drunk that Evans had to call Jared away from wherever he was and come and get me. Edwards ex-wife was the picture of cool composure throughout his entire funeral. This time it wasn't me getting wasted because I couldn't deal with the feelings. Edwards youngest boy had gone up to Evans and asked him where his Daddy was. Evans barely kept his composure together as he excused himself. I found him an hour later, drunk off his ass and red faced. Abby and I had to get some of the guys to help us get him into the car. I stayed the night at their place and the next morning I'd never seen Evans so quiet.

Although Marks was single, his funeral was just as hard as the others. Out of all of them, he'd been the only one who was being buried in Arlington. He and Andy had grown up together, gone through the Academy together. They were brothers and always had each other's backs. Andy stood there looking like he'd lost a part of him. There were no words to describe the devastation so clearly on his face. Sam had finally made it home for Marks funeral and the two of them disappeared afterward. They were found later in front of Riley's grave with a bottle of bourbon gone between them.

I'd been the one to find them.

There was nothing that could have prepared me for going to Riley's grave. An entire year I'd avoided it, along with everything else to do with him. It had nearly been my undoing seeing his name etched onto the white gravestone. A lump had stuck in my throat and nothing was helping to dislodge it. Tonight I'd seen his death over and over again in my dreams. All the ways he could have died if he hadn't been killed in that mission. I'd woken up in a cold sweat and refused to go back to sleep.

So, here I was, sitting on the porch and willing my tired body not to sleep. After the emotional rollercoaster of this week, I was feeling more cracks appear on my walls. No amount of willpower was fixing it either. It was only a matter of time before it all got too much for me.

"Hey."

Clint's quiet voice made me jump. I hadn't heard the back door opening. He was standing in front of me with two steaming mugs.

"Hey." I scooted over so he had room to sit down. He offered one of the cups to me before sitting down. The smell of coffee drifted up to me putting a small smile on my face. Clint knew exactly what I needed.

"I can't sleep either," Clint said quietly as he settled himself down beside me. He still looked pale, despite claiming he was feeling better. "I keep having dreams of falling."

I shuddered, curling my hands around the mug tighter. I had those exact same dreams. Dreams of falling and there was nothing but a sudden stop at the end.

"Me too," I admitted just as quiet. "Along with everything else."

Clint had been at the funeral today as well. He knew exactly what I was talking about. He said nothing except to reach over and take my hand. It had been a hell of a month. There was no denying that. I had my meeting with Fury in a few days which I was not looking forward to. At least afterward I was heading to New York. I'd gotten a surprise invitation from Pepper inviting me to the opening of their new building in Manhattan on Friday night. After that, Mom was planning a quiet birthday dinner with just the four of us. She said Jared and I needed some peace and quiet after everything happening.

Besides taking me and Clint to the funerals, Jared and Natasha had both been busy. There was a lead on the sellers for the technology Aldon had. I almost pitied the person who did it once Natasha and Jared caught up with them. There wasn't going to be much left of their body.

"Thank you." Clint's voice was so quiet I nearly missed it.

"What for?" I glanced over at him, slightly confused. Clint's eyes met mine and it clicked in my mind what he was talking about.

"For bringing me home," Clint said the words that he really didn't need to. "For bringing me back to my kids."

"Yeah, well," I said casually to cover my embarrassment. Clint didn't need to thank me for bringing him home. He would have done the exact same thing in my shoes. "I'm still putting you on a diet."

Clint's chuckle was weary but it was something. I knew that it still haunted him not remembering anything from the mission or the week before. A part of his life was just erased and there was nothing he could do to bring it back. His dreams of falling, as horrible as they would be, were the closest thing he'd get to a memory of the mission.

"Clint," I started before hesitating. There was something that played on my mind since the mission happened. Not his cries for Barney to stop. That I knew the story behind as much as I didn't want to. While Jared and I fought like cats and dogs sometimes I could never, ever betray him like Barney did to Clint.

Clint looked at me, an eyebrow quirked upward in question. He sensed my hesitation and waited patiently, keeping my gaze until I found the words I wanted.

"You were telling someone they couldn't make you talk," I said hesitantly. "Do you know what that was about?"

"Probably the mission I lost my hearing," Clint said with a shrug. He didn't look surprised at my question. "Did Coulson ever give you the non redacted version?"

I shook my head. I'd never thought to ask about the details of that mission. Clint's deafness rarely crossed my mind because he was so well adjusted with it.

"It was meant to be a simple take out mission," Clint started with a small sigh. His gaze turned to the dark fields in front of us. "My position got compromised and I was overrun. Next thing I knew I woke up chained to a hospital bed."

My stomach turned at his words and the haunted look on Clint's face. This was obviously hard for him to talk about.

"Nine days it took Coulson to find me." The muscles in Clint's jaw clenched as he worked through the memory. "Nine days in captivity and torture feels like nine years. I clung to the hope that Coulson would come for me no matter what. He'd promised that to me when I first joined. That no matter what he would be there for me."

I didn't know much surrounding Clint's recruitment. I would have liked to be a fly on that wall when they brought in the angry sixteen year old with a skill set beyond anything anyone had ever seen. It was no secret that Coulson put his career on the line to bring Clint in and make him an agent. He'd move mountains to bring any of us home safe.

"When they realized SHIELD were breaching the building, the head guy stabbed me in both of my ears with my arrows. It was meant to kill me. Some sort of sick justice for what I was. Coulson found him before he left the room."

I had no pity for the man who did that to Clint. Coulson might look like a mild mannered desk agent but he didn't get to his position by being one. Coulson was as deadly as they come and he would have torn the man apart that was responsible for Clint getting hurt.

"No one ever found the man's body. Coulson simply said that he'd delivered a fatal blow but the guy got away before he could see him die." Clint shook his head like he was clearing the memory away. "Out of all the missions I've ever been on, that one was the worst. It's the one that haunts me the most."

"I keep thinking that one mission will haunt me, then it seems to keep changing," I blew out a long breath. There was so much I could say to Clint but they'd be nothing but bullshit platitudes. He'd obviously learned to cope with that mission and I was only bringing up bad memories. "Or they all jumble together and I see Jared getting shot by the Winter Soldier while Yelena stabs Riley."

I didn't add that I could feel Aldon's hands on me. That part never changed. Those roaming hands that made me want to scrub every inch of my body in bleach. It felt like I'd never be able to get the feel of his hands off my skin.

"The life is a SHIELD agent," Clint said, his tone sounding resigned. He squeezed my hand in a small show of support. The rough callous on his hand kept me grounded, reminding me that I was here. Not with Aldon. "Nothing will ever be normal again."

Even if I walked away from SHIELD tomorrow, my entire life was changed. Some days I thought it was for the better. Other days, like today, I hated the change it brought to my life. One thing I would always hold on to was the fact I had Clint and Natasha as friends. They were the shining beacons in my life, always there and keeping me grounded. Silence fell between us again as we both sipped our coffee. The vanilla creamer Laura had found for me was amazing. Clint always seemed to put exactly the right amount in it too.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Clint's sudden change of topic made my head reel. "It's too quiet out here. I'm thinking too much."

"Sure." I'd nearly finished my coffee. The second cup had given me a burst of energy. Enough to know I wouldn't be going to sleep in the next few hours. It was stupid of me to try and stay awake tonight. I'd promised Evans and Abby I would babysit the kids tonight so they could have a much needed date night.

Clint and I were both slow getting to our feet. Any sudden change in movement still made Clint's head spin. My stitches were finally gone but it did little to ease the never ending ache in my ribs and back. I had physiotherapy booked in for when my ribs were a little more healed. The house was silent as we both shuffled through the darkness. I curled up on the couch while Clint fiddled around, finding us a movie to watch. The TV glowed to life and a few seconds later a lamp was jumping on a letter. My lips curled into a smile as the menu for Wall-E came up. We were such children.

Clint came back to the couch, stretching over it. I took that as an invitation to lounge over him. Clint was warm, solid and didn't mind in the least when I lay on him. It was comforting for me to lay on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while the movie started to play. Clint's arm came around me as he settled down on the couch. The happy tune and a little robot came onto the screen making my mood lift. I loved kids movies, there were so innocent and simple. Unlike the world I lived in. It was good to get lost in the story. Clint's breathing evened out halfway through the movie as he fell asleep. I closed my eyes for a second feeling safe and comfortable.

"Daddy."

The couch moved as a smaller weight climbed onto it. A second later I felt a small body next to mine.

"Daddy." Lila's voice grew more insistent. A second later I felt a tug on my shirt. "Kari."

"What Lila?" I asked groggily. I swear I only closed my eyes two seconds ago. It wasn't like Lila to get up during the night. "Go back to bed, it's too early."

"Mommy said breakfast is ready," Lila announced proudly. "And to get your butts off the couch."

I opened my eyes, blinking in the bright light that assaulted my senses. The DVD menu was playing on the TV. I looked over at the clock and found it to be a little after 8am. Somehow Clint and I had rearranged ourselves during the night. He was lying behind me with an arm around my waist in a firm grip. A blanket had been thrown over us, no doubt by Laura when she found us earlier.

"Jump on Dad to wake him up," I suggested, smothering back a yawn. I untangled myself from Clint's strong grip. He stirred behind me, rolling over onto his stomach and pulled a cushion over his head. It was such a futile effort to ward off what was about to hit him.

Lila was more than happy to take my suggestion. As soon as I stood up, she launched herself on Clint, giggling loud enough to wake the dead. Cooper ran into the room a second later, jumping into the fray. I left the shrieking children quickly before Clint set them loose on me. The sight of Cooper and Lila on Clint's back bouncing around trying to make him get up was adorable. I could hear Clint's barely muffled laughter from the edge of the room. The light hearted mood of this morning was a welcome change from last night.

I tiredly dragged myself to the bathroom to pee and wash my face. I looked at my reflection in the mirror after I splashed some water over it. I'd lost the gaunt look to my face that had plagued me just after the mission. There was some colour back in my face which helped hide the dark circles under my eyes. Physically I was looking a lot better. I just wished my mind would catch up with my body. I scrubbed a hand over my face, rubbing my stinging eyes. I had to get moving. Jared would be there in a few hours to take me back to DC. I needed to get food into me and get ready for the toddler tornado named Alexi.

Laura had an enormous mug of coffee waiting on the table for me along with a bowl of breakfast hash. She looked up at me, a smirk playing over her lips.

"Good morning," Laura couldn't keep the snigger out of her greeting. "You looked awfully cozy this morning. Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Ugh, gross Laura." I scrunched up my nose at her teasing. I knew exactly where she was going with that line of thought. I eased myself down into the chair gingerly. Sleeping on the couch had done nothing for my still sore back. "No. Just no. And on the couch? If I ever got that desperate, which I'm pretty sure I'd rather chew off my own arm than do it. I'd at least make sure it was behind a locked door."

"What are we doing behind a locked door?" Clint's voice made both of us jump. I looked over my shoulder to see Clint wandering into the kitchen with Cooper over his shoulder. Lila was attached to his leg, making it an awkward stumble into the kitchen. It was a ridiculously adorable sight.

"What do you think?" Laura gave him a pointed look. I didn't miss the lingering look she tried to hide at Clint's sweatpants hanging off his hips. His shirt had ridden up enough to leave a strip of skin showing and you could see the happy trail down into his pants.

Clint pulled a disgusted face as he got the meaning behind what we were talking about. He swung Cooper around into the first available chair. Cooper was laughing so hard that he could barely breathe. His face was red and tear streaked as he tried to get his breath back through his snorting laughter. Lila's shrieks were near ear splitting as Clint tried to pry her off his leg. Laura and I were no help and the kitchen was filled with laughter as Clint did his best to get Lila off. Finally, he put his leg up on the empty chair and bounced his leg up and down, like he was trying to shake her off. Lila's laughter was her downfall. In the moment of inattention, because she was laughing so hard, Clint managed to pry her off.

"Someone's been neglecting leg day," Laura said once the laughter had died down.

"Yeah, but I never neglect arm day." Clint flashed Laura a charming grin as he flexed his biceps. His shirt strained under the bulging muscles. Even I had a good stare at the flexed muscles. His biceps really were magnificent and Clint knew it.

One thing I didn't miss was the flush of red that crossed Laura's face as she stared at Clint's arms. Their small interaction was probably the most positive one I'd seen since everything went to shit in their relationship. I hid my pleased smile behind taking a sip of coffee. Tiny steps of progress were better than nothing.

Breakfast was louder than usual. It was Saturday meaning no school for the kids. Lila wanted to go riding, as she usually did. Cooper wanted to go to the river running through the back of the property for a swim. For once, the combination of the kids wants actually worked together. Laura offered to pack a picnic lunch so we could all enjoy a few hours of relaxation.

The kid's chores had never been done so fast after breakfast. Cooper even helped Lila, something that was a rare occurrence, so we could get out the door quicker. I helped Lila saddle up Princess Penelope, avoiding the evil little shit of a pony squishing me into a fence or stomping on my feet. The pony was a saint while Lila was riding which made up for her bad habits on the ground. Once Lila and Princess Penelope were ready we all started off towards the river. The two dogs were with us, bounding ahead and barking at each other. Laura and I hung behind Lila while Clint and Cooper took the lead. Cooper was chatting Clint's ear off about something like he usually did. The brief glimpses I caught of Clint's face when he looked back to check on Lila were one of pure bliss. It was good to see him happy with his kids.

While I was half keeping an eye on Lila, I couldn't help but watch Laura either. She seemed to have developed a keen interest in Clint's ass. Though she did well to avert her gaze every time Clint glanced back.

"You look like you want to rip his clothes off," I couldn't keep the comment to myself any longer. "Should I take the kids ahead so you can find a long patch of grass somewhere to throw him down so you can have your way with him?"

"Stop it," Laura scolded me. Her cheeks went red as she averted her gaze again. "That's not what I was thinking."

"Four months of no sex and I'd probably be thinking the same thing," I said casually. "He does have a nice ass."

"It's been two months of no sex and I wasn't thinking about that," Laura said quickly. She stopped mid stride, her face going even redder than before. I stopped with her, looking at her in complete surprise at the slip of the tongue.

"Wow, I did not expect that," I managed to keep my voice level. I couldn't stop the excitement bubbling up inside of me. "When did that happen?"

"It wasn't with Clint." Laura's face went even redder than before. Like a balloon being popped, my excitement faded. "It was with a visiting surgeon at work."

"Well, you just can't leave it at that." Despite my disappointment that it wasn't with Clint, I was still curious. "Come on, details."

Laura glanced over at Lila who was trying desperately to get Princess Penelope to trot for more than three paces at a time. The pony trotted as slowly as frozen molasses moved and came back to a walk as soon as Lila got unbalanced. She was too wrapt up in her pony to be listening to us.

"It wasn't anything exciting," Laura said lowly, her face still bright red. "He'd done surgery on a patient that I had stabilized in the ER and complimented me on a job well done. It was a horse riding accident and Matthew said it was because of me the kid would walk again."

I imagined Laura would see a lot of horse riding accidents in this part of the country. There were racehorse farms everywhere.

"I jokingly said he could buy me a coffee and he offered dinner instead," Laura said with a small shrug. "We had a few too many glasses of wine at dinner and ended up back in his hotel room."

"Was it good?" I couldn't help but tease her with a grin. "I need more details than you went back to his room."

"It was…" Laura trailed off, looking unsure of herself. "The sex itself was good. Just different. When you've been with the one person for so long it's really weird being with someone else. Especially after two kids, your body isn't what it used to be."

I knew exactly how she felt. The sex with Gareth was good. But it was different.

"You look amazing for having two kids," I said truthfully. Laura really did, she was blessed to be a naturally petite person and kept herself in shape. "He was lucky to have you. Did you keep in touch?"

"A few texts here and there," Laura said with a shrug, "He lives in Arizona so there's no point. I'm surprised you aren't giving me disappointed looks."

"We all need sex." My eyes trailed over to where Clint was. He had Cooper up on his shoulders and they were laughing about something. Lila had caught up with them and she was trying to swat Cooper from her added height in the saddle. It was an adorable picture. One that made me glad I pushed so hard for this to start happening with Clint being able to see his kids.

Laura chewed on her lip as her gaze followed mine. I wasn't sure if she knew about Clint's one night stand, or if she'd even want to know about it. I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell her. Not when things were looking promising between them.

"Thank you for bringing him home," Laura said softly. The embarrassment was gone from her face. Now it was replaced with a sad smile. "You were right before Christmas when you said no matter what was going on between us, he's still the father of our children and nothing would change that."

A spark of hope flared up in me. Maybe all of this was finally starting to work to get Laura and Clint back together.

"You don't need to thank me for bringing him home. I would move heaven and earth to make sure he came back to you and the kids," I said truthfully. "We all would."

"And he'd do the same for you, Natasha and Jared as well." Laura's words and resigned look on her face spoke the words she couldn't. For the second time in this conversation, I felt myself deflate. The conversation had taken a sudden swing in a direction I wasn't going to like. "We will always come second best to his job and the people in it. I know you and Natasha are trying your best to fix things between us. I really do appreciate it."

There was a but there. I knew it. Laura sighed heavily, her gaze shifting back to Clint. He'd put Cooper down during our conversation. Cooper and Lila were both holding onto his hand as they meandered along. Without Lila holding the reins properly, Princess Penelope was ducking her head to snatch at the grass at every opportunity.

"When I had dinner and sex with Matthew it drove home how much I'd been craving some normality in my life," Laura said softly, her voice hitched at the end of the sentence. I reached over and put my arm around her waist in a silent show of support. It must have given her some bravery because he voice was firmer when she spoke again. "There was no lying about who he was or sneaking me around just in case the wrong person saw us. I know this sounds horrible, but it's easier like this. Clint comes and goes when he can. The kids accept that more than they did with him not coming home at night sometimes in DC without explanation. It's easier to explain that the kid's Dad and I are separated to people and he works away a lot. People don't flinch or ask questions with that. I hate that I've made my own life simpler but made his hell. I ripped away his family from him, the thing he holds most precious."

"This helps him though," I said gently to Laura. "Being able to come and spend time with you and the kids. He's always the happiest when he knows a visit is coming up. Or he's just been here. I know it meant the world to him when you told us to come down here to recover."

There were no easy answers here. I knew when we were injured after Pripyat Laura was introduced as Clint's girlfriend amongst the STRIKE members on duty. Even that Clint had been extremely uncomfortable about Laura being anywhere near anyone involved in SHIELD. Evans had been the exception, which I now knew why.

"I know." Laura looked back to Clint, the sad smile still on her face. "I want to tell him he's welcome to come down any time he wants to see the kids. I don't want to give him any false hope about us though."

"I think he'd be too happy about being allowed to see the kids whenever he wanted that he wouldn't mind anything else," I said tactfully. This was hard. Clint barely spoke about things between him and Laura. Not even to Natasha. I honestly had no idea what went on in his head most of the time.

"That offer extends to you, Jared and Natasha as well," Laura added, almost sounding shy as she looked up at me. "I've missed all of you and the chaos it brings."

"We'll be around so much we'll annoy the shit out of you," I said, smiling as I gave her a one armed hug. "Besides, I kind of like having Hawk as a housemate. He cooks and cleans with very little complaint. He sure beats having Jared around."

"Coulson did a very good house training him," Laura said with a brief laugh. The tension from before was gone. She returned the one armed hug around my waist very gently. I'm glad I could do a little bit to make this easier for everyone. Even if it was just listening to her. "Thank you for being there for him with all of this and telling me when I'm being a bitch. I needed it."

I was getting a lot of thank you for things I didn't need thanking for at the moment. I was only doing what any friend would. With all the emotional upheaval out of the way, Laura and I fell into an easier and lighter conversation as we walked to the river. It was warm and sticky by the time we reached the spot. Lila and Cooper both stripped off and jumped straight in, splashed us all with the cold water. Laura and Clint both joined them as I hung out on the bank with my toes in the water.

It was a beautiful spot. The riverbank was lined with weeping willows, shading the river bank. The river itself wasn't huge, only about ten feet across. It was deep enough that Clint was up to his shoulders in the middle of it. The air was filled with childish laughter as Cooper and Lila splashed each other. Little bits of sunlight filtered through the trees warming my skin. It was peaceful sitting here as the cool water lapped at my feet. I tipped my face up and closed my eyes. I took in a deep breath of the fresh air. Clint wasn't the only one who needed this. I did too. As tired as I was, I at least felt more at peace.

The familiar buzz in the air made me open my eyes. A second later Jared appeared in front of me. He hand was already stretched out for me.

"I have about 45 seconds to get you back to DC," Jared's tone left no room for argument. "Sorry."

The apology was definitely added as an afterthought. Still, Jared looked stressed. He was doing me a favor and hated playing taxi with teleporting people around.

"I'll see you guys later," I called out to Clint's family still playing in the water.

Clint and Laura both waved and before I could feel bad about Lila and Cooper's pouting faces, Jared and I were gone. We came to the spare room I was staying in and I quickly grabbed my phone. I wouldn't need anything else tonight. Jared didn't need to prompt me this time, I took his hand and looked at him expectedly. In a heartbeat, we were standing in our apartment in DC.

"Good hunting." I gave Jared a quick hug before he disappeared again. His stiff posture relaxed as I wrapped my arms around him. He didn't need to tell me he was in the middle of something important. Considering what he and Natasha had been doing, they were closing in fast.

Jared said nothing as he hugged me back tightly. Ever since the last mission he'd been more affectionate than he had in years. Considering how close we'd come to losing each other, again, it wasn't a surprise. I found myself enjoying the closer relationship with Jared. Even if it was something as simple as being able to hug him a little tighter for no other reason except that I missed him.

The hug was over quickly and Jared was gone before I could blink. All of a sudden the apartment was very quiet. Far too quiet. I wasn't due at Evans' place for another few hours but I grabbed my keys to the Kawasaki anyway. I hadn't spent a lot of time with Alexi lately and I was missing her. I'd missed my Kawasaki too, I revved it far more the necessary as I took off out of the garage. I made it to Evans place in twenty minutes. I'd barely gotten my helmet off when Alexi came running out to me.

"Hey Munchkin." I grabbed her and mid stride and swung her up on the Kawasaki. She loved my motorbike and sitting up on it with me. I couldn't wait until she was a little bit older so I could take her for some gentle rides.

"Hey Kari!" Alexi wrapped herself around me, hugging me as tightly as a toddler could. "Ready for our girls night?"

I have no idea where she got that from. It made me smile even wider than I already was.

"We are all set for girls night." I hugged Alexi back. "What do you want to do?"

"Rum!" Alexi announced brightly. "And cheesecake."

"Gross, no one drinks rum. You don't like cheesecake either. Where did you get that idea from?" I laughed despite my disgust at her alcohol request.

Alexi ignored me and turned around so she could lean down onto the handlebars. She made some vroom noises as she pretended to ride the Kawasaki. I took it as a hint as held onto her tightly as I started the bike again. It roared to life underneath both of us making Alexi laugh in delight.

"Kari!"

Abby's displeased tone made me switch off the bike immediately. I forgot I wasn't meant to be encouraging anyone in their family about motorbikes. Evans had been hinting for months that he should get one to make the commute to work easier. Abby kept telling him that he'd be divorced if he brought a motorbike home.

"Oops." Alexi craned her head back and grinned at me.

"Oops all right." I bopped her on the noise, making her grin spread across her face even more. "Now I'm in trouble with your Mom. Come on, let's get inside."

I lifted Alexi off the Kawasaki, much to her disgust. I thought she was about to have a tantrum about it. The stormy look on her face was gone as soon as I got off the motorbike as well. She held her arms up to me, her smile was nothing short of angelic.

"Cheesecake? Please Kari," she said sweetly as I swung her up into my arms. I swear three weeks ago she hated cheesecake and would only eat Mac and Cheese. She was the fussiest eater and things changed from day to day.

"Fine, we'll go get cheesecake." I gave in easily. If I took her to the Cheesecake Factory at least there were other things for her to eat when she rediscovered she hated cheesecake. "Let me say hi to Mom and Dad first."

"And Sam."

"And Sam," I reassured her, though I was surprised to hear he was here. After Marks' funeral, I thought he was heading home to Detroit for a few weeks. I hadn't had a chance to speak to him much over the last week.

Sure enough, Sam was in the kitchen with Evans and Abby. I had a feeling I'd interrupted an important conversation. Sam looked rather red eyed. Abby looked a bit upset herself and Evans was his usual stoic self.

"I found this little monster outside trying to steal my Kawasaki," I said smoothly, hoping I didn't make everything completely awkward. "I think she belongs to you."

I held Alexi out in front of me which made her giggle uncontrollably. She squirmed in my grasp trying to get loose.

"No, I've decided I don't want her anymore," Abby said looking at her daughter in pretend disgust. "She's all yours Kari."

"Yay!" Alexi's cheer made everyone in the room laugh. I put her down and she immediately tore out of the room as fast as her legs could carry her. I half wondered if she'd come back with her backpack and declare she was living with me. It wasn't the first time she'd done it.

"So why does she all of a sudden decide she liked cheesecake?" I asked as I walked around the table. I gave Sam's good shoulder a small squeeze before I sat down. He gave me a strained smile in return. He looked terrible which wasn't to be unexpected. His broken arm was still strapped up over his chest in a sling. The arm brace holding everything together looked itchy and uncomfortable.

My question got met with a strangled snort of laughter from Evans. Abby turned around but not before I saw her face turning bright red. Sam and I exchanged a curious look. Oh, this should be good.

"We…" Evans trailed off to clear his throat, trying to hold back a chuckle. "We may have been trying to have some private time the other day when I thought Alexi was having a rare nap. I told her that we were eating cheesecake to make her go away because she usually detests cheesecake."

I managed not to laugh too obnoxiously at Evans. Trust his daughter to now decide she liked cheesecake because of this. It would probably haunt him for months when it got back to his team.

"Well, I will take the monster to the Cheesecake Factory because I'm hungry and she can rediscover that she hates cheesecake," I said through my laughter. "Do you want me to take William early as well?"

"If you want," Evans said, looking pleased with my offer. Maybe he was hoping to get in some cheesecake time before they went out on a date.

"Do you mind if I tag along?" Sam speaking up surprised me. He looked mildly embarrassed to be asking. "The Cheesecake Factory sounds really good."

"Of course you can," I said instantly. Sam didn't really need to ask. "I'll even pay since you'll end up entertaining William while I keep Alexi from burning the place down."

The would-be arsonist came bounding back into the room as soon as I said that. Her grin was nothing short of angelic as she handed me her Dora the Explorer backpack.

"Ready to go," Alexi said, holding her arms up. "Time for cheesecake."

Now knowing the meaning behind the cheesecake story it took a lot of effort not to laugh uncontrollably. Abby went bright red again and made a shooing motion.

"Take my car." Evans was failing at keeping a straight face. "I'll go get William up."

I picked up Alexi and snuck a look in her bag. Someone must have packed it already because she actually had clothes in it this time instead of books. Knowing Evans the car was probably packed and ready to go hours before I got here. While I was checking out Alexi's bag, Abby came over and gave Sam a hug. Whatever she said to him was too low for me to hear but he nodded in response to it.

"Let's go." I bounced Alexi in my arms. "Say bye to Mom."

"Bye." Alexi barely looked at Abby, only waving as an automatic response.

Abby rolled her eyes in good nature and waved back to Alexi. Now I had her no one else would be able to get a look at. It was endearing and a little bit scary sometimes. I had no idea why Alexi stuck to me so much. I thought her fascination with me might have died off as she got older. If anything it was getting stronger.

Evans was strapping in a barely awake William in his car when we got out to the garage. William sleepily waved at me, yawning his little head off. He was growing so fast. He was crawling now and getting into everything he could find. Nothing was off limits to put in his mouth either which was gross of him. Alexi kept helping him standing up and was trying to encourage him to walk already. I pitied Abby and Evans when it finally did happen. They'd have two terrors to deal with.

"Have a good night, let us know if you need anything," Evans said as he straightened up. He glanced over at Sam who was gingerly lowering himself down into the car. Evans pulled me into a hug and dropped his voice so no one else could hear. "He's not doing so great today. Don't push and if he gets stubborn about being alone, call me right away."

"Will do." I hugged Evans a little tighter than normal. It had been a long, rough week for everyone. Evans was the one who had to appear like he had his shit together, more than anyone else. I don't know how he did it. "Have a good date night."

Evans squeezed me gently before give me a nudge towards the car. I took the hint and let go of him, climbing into the car. While I got myself organized, Evans quickly buckled Alexi while saying goodbye to both of his kids. Once he was done, I shifted the car into reverse and eased out into the afternoon sun.

Alexi talked the entire time at a million words a minute. She bounced between me and Sam, firing questions at us. She was going through a phase of asking about everything, no matter how irrelevant the detail seemed. I wasn't surprised when the subject of Sam's arm came up.

"Why is your arm like that Sam?" Alexi asked, not a moment after I finished explaining to her why we couldn't leave William at home and just take her for cheesecake.

"Because a bad man hurt me." Sam didn't flinch at her question, much to my relief. He looked over at me with a barely there smile. He was trying so hard to be cheerful but even I could see his heart wasn't into it. "Kari helped me."

I gave Sam a small, encouraging smile. There was nothing I could say to him that was going to make anything better. My nightmares were bad. I couldn't even begin to imagine the horrors Sam was probably re-living night after night. The best I could do is give him a little bit of normality for the rest of the day. He was probably sick of people hovering around him, saying everything was going to be all right and he just needed to talk about his problems.

"Is the bad man gone?" Alexi's questions continued. I glanced back at her to see her little brow furrowed in question.

"Yes, he's gone." At least I could say that with confidence. I'd been the one to deliver to the fatal blow. All that was left of Aldon's second in command was a frozen corpse.

"Good." The finality in that one word coming from a toddler was very odd. I could see her looking between me and Sam, still concentrating on whatever was going on in her head. It was gone as quickly as it came on. Her face brightened and I knew a subject change was about to happen. "Can we have ice cream for dinner?"

"No, we're not having ice cream for dinner." I fought back a sigh. I wasn't dealing with a sugar high Alexi all evening with only Sam for help. "I'll buy you some chicken nuggets for dinner though?"

"I don't like nuggets," Alexi said, the pout clear in her voice. I glanced back at her again to see her arms folded in front of her chest, her bottom lip stuck out in protest.

"You ate nuggets for lunch," Sam said, turning around to face her. "After pleading with your Mom to have the nuggets because you didn't want a sandwich."

The incredulous tone in Sam's voice made me chuckle under my breath. That was the Alexi I knew and loved. Knowing she'd been busted, Alexi broke into giggles. The smile on Sam's face wasn't quite as forced this time.

"Mac and cheese?" Alexi tried to bargain. I didn't turn around to see her this time but the laughter was clear in her voice.

"And cheesecake," Sam added. The small smile of his turned into an amused smirk as I snorted with laughter. I was never going to think of cheesecake the same way ever again.

"And cheesecake!" Alexi confirmed, laughing brightly. "I love cheesecake."

I couldn't keep a straight face any longer. I burst out laughing, Sam joining me a second later. Even William woke up enough to join in our laughter, though I'm sure he had no idea what he was laughing about. It set a much lighter mood for the rest of the car trip.

Luckily for us, the restaurant was quiet when we arrived. Sam being obviously injured and both of us trying to juggle two children got us a great table right near the door. The older waitress fawned over Alexi and William while taking our orders. William was his usual charming self, all smiles and laughs while getting the attention. It was hard to believe how big he was now. He was sitting up in the high chair these days eating semi solid food. Soon he'd be walking and talking. Alexi did her usual change of mind five times before settling on something to eat. It took a negotiation worthy of a SHIELD level one situation to get her not to order cheesecake and nothing else. Even the usual promise of sharing mine didn't satisfy her today. Sam couldn't stop snickering under his breath the entire time as Alexi insisted she needed her own cheesecake.

It was a much needed break of normality. Sam's smile was less strained by the time we'd finished. Especially after Alexi ate half of my cheesecake, declaring it to be her new favorite thing in the world. I could only roll my eyes at her while reluctantly sharing my peanut butter cheesecake. I gave it a week before she changed her mind again. Sam gave it three days. It was a beautiful afternoon so we took the kids to the park while there was a little bit of sun. Part of me wanted Alexi to burn off all the sugar she'd just eaten. But it was also nice to sit out in the warm Spring sun just enjoyed the peace and quiet of the moment. Evans always packed outdoor stuff for me when I babysat so I spread out a blanket in the sun so William could crawl around as well. Alexi was scaling like a little monkey and went straight for the play equipment she could climb on.

Sam and I didn't speak much while the kids played. Sam seemed to be enjoying the bit of sun, like me. William was happy to crawl around on the blanket, every so often going to me or Sam, babbling up to us. William seemed especially fascinated with Sam today, spending more time with him than me. Sam would pull faces at him, making the baby boy laugh at his antics.

"Kari, watch this!" Alexi's high pitched voice carried across the air easily. I glanced up at her to see her making a leap from one lot of play equipment to the next before I could yell at her not to. For a second I thought she was going to make it. Her coordination didn't quite able her to grab onto the bar she was aiming for. I heard an audible thunk as Alexi's head connected with something. I was up and running towards her as she tumbled to the ground.

I reached her just as she hit the ground. For a horrible second, there was nothing but silence and I thought she'd knocked herself out. Her eyes opened and there was a high pitched scream rip from her mouth. It was absolutely no comfort as Alexi started to bawl uncontrollably.

"I've got you Munchkin." I scooped her up quickly, cuddling her to my chest. The tears only came out harder as I hugged her, trying to shush her. My own heart was pounding so hard I felt like I couldn't breathe. I'd taken my eyes off her for about two seconds to smile at William. If I hadn't of taken my attention off her this might not have happened.

"Hurts." It was the only word I could understand through Alexi's sobs. I looked down and saw exactly why she was crying. There was blood pouring from a gash on her forehead.

"Fuck." There was no stopping the curse slipping out. Having a decent look at it, the gash was nearly as wide as my pinky finger.

"Yeah, fuck," Alexi hiccuped through her sobs. "Hurts. Make it stop."

I cradled her as gently as I could to my chest and ran back to Sam. He had the good sense to know something was wrong and was rummaging around in the day bag. Sam pulled out a first aid kit as I sat down with Alexi. There was no stemming her tears. She looked utterly miserable as I tried to pry her off me.

"I need to look at your cut Munchkin," I tried to persuade her. "Please?"

Alexi shook her head, which only produced louder sobs. It must have hurt like hell shaking her head. Despite shaking her head, I managed to get a half decent look at the gash. It was deep and bleeding profusely.

"That needs stitches," Sam said, as he managed to pry open the first aid kit one-handed. He produced a dressing without much rummaging. I was able to stick to Alexi's cut, despite her howling protest. It made me feel like the worst person in the world for causing her more pain. "Where's the closest hospital?"

"GW. It's only a block away." I knew that easily enough. This was the park Laura would often come here during her lunch break on day shifts. Natasha and I would meet her for coffee often when she worked there. "Can you hold her while I pack everything up?"

Even the mention of Alexi letting go of me made her cling even harder to me. She shook her head rapidly. I didn't think she was able to cry any harder than she was already doing.

"Grab a cab. I'll get someone to come and help me and ring Evans." Sam was cool and calm about the whole situation. His calm demeanor calmed my racing heart and mind down enough to think about this situation better. He was right, this was going to be the easiest way, even if I didn't want to leave Sam and William here alone. "Give me your keys. Ring me when you know what's happening."

I wasn't able to get Alexi off me so I put my hip in Sam's reach. He took the hint and grabbed the keys out of my pocket. With a shove in the direction of the road, I took off as fast as my legs would carry me. Alexi's sobs didn't die down the entire way. If anything she was crying just as hard as when it first happened. Luck was on my side as I found a cab waiting on the side of the road.

"GW Hospital please," I said as I slid into the cab. The female cab driver visibly jumped at my sudden appearance in the back of her car.

"I'm…" she started to argue but trailed off as she took in the sight in the back. The dressing on Alexi's head was starting to turn red. I'm sure I looked like a harried mess as I tried to comfort the toddler in my arms. "Oh hunny, hang on we'll get you there."

I could have kissed the middle aged woman's sudden change of mood. She wasted no time in pulling into the traffic and pushing the speed limit along the city road. In any other circumstance, the drive would have been terrifying. The driver did everything in her power to get us there as quickly as possible. The cutting in and out of the afternoon traffic shaved at least five minutes off our travel time. She managed to get us right to the door of the emergency entrance.

"No charge. Poor little thing," her voice was full of sympathy. "Hope everything goes well."

I glanced at the name on the dashboard. Elvie Taylor. I didn't have time to argue with her about paying right now. I'd make sure she got something later for her kindness.

"Thank you so much," I said in a gush as I climbed out of the car. Alexi clinging to me was starting to kill my ribs and back. There was no prying her off me. The dressing was soaked through now and there was a stain of blood on my shirt. Alexi's pained sobs had thankfully died down into hiccups, though she was still crying.

The waiting room was absolutely packed. I was taken back by the number of people here on a Saturday afternoon. I wasn't the only here with a crying child. At least there was no line up to see the triage nurse.

"Alexi Evans," I didn't even let the woman ask any questions. The nurse behind the glass looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "She hit her head and fell off some play equipment she was climbing on."

I turned Alexi as best as I could, gently peeling away the blood soaked dressing. The gaping head wound was quite impressive. Alexi had certainly cracked her head with some force. Alexi entire body went rigid and her face scrunched up before a fresh round of tears came from her. If I didn't already feel bad enough, that made me feel like the worst person in the world.

"Ouch." Even the nurse cringed at the sight of it. She glanced around the waiting room and then back down to her computer. "We are packed but give me a moment. I'll try and find you somewhere a little quieter at least."

The nurse gave me a second look, her gaze lingering and brow furrowed like she was trying to remember something. She didn't say anything further though and quickly left her station. I breathed a sigh of relief, gently hugging Alexi. Two understanding people this afternoon was more than I could have hoped.

She was back in less than a minute, motioning for me to go to one of the doors. She met me at the door and opened it wider for me. I could feel the glare of people as Alexi and I went straight through. I didn't doubt there were people out there waiting for hours.

"I have a spare bed in resus," the nurse sounded apologetic as she led us down a long corridor. "I can't promise a doctor getting to you any quicker but it will be quieter than the waiting room. We've put out a call for any spares hands right now. It's been a busy day."

I recognized the weariness in her tone easily. It was the same one Laura had after a challenging or busy day at work.

"I really appreciate it, thank you." I put as much sincerity in my voice as I was capable of right now. I really hoped Evans was going to get here soon, as much as I hated ruining date night for them, I needed him right now. "Her parents will probably here in half an hour. Can you let them know?"

"Of course." The nurse agreed right away. She glanced back at me again, curiosity was clear on her face. "Sorry for asking, but you work with Laura Smith's partner don't you?"

It took me a second to remember Laura used her maiden name at work.

"Yep, and yes that was me who arrived in a rather spectacular fashion in the emergency room last year as well," I added. No doubt that was where the nurse was going with her questioning. Thank god for someone knowing Laura being on today. It just made my life a lot easier.

"I thought you looked familiar," the nurse said with a smile. "Now that was an interesting day at work. Here's your room. I'll put another dressing on her head."

The nurse stopped at a curtain and pulled it back. I was grateful to sit on the bed and I tried to gently get Alexi to let go of me.

"Come on Munchkin, the lovely nurse needs to put something on your head to make you feel better," I said, trying to pry Alexi's fingers off my shirt. "It'll be really quick and then I promise you we can have ice cream for dinner."

"No." Alexi's voice was muffled in my shirt. Even with the promise of ice cream for dinner, Alexi wasn't letting go. I was going to need some strong liquor after this. Fighting Alexi was only going to end up in her screaming.

"How about I change it then?" I tried a different tactic. Sometimes Alexi would let me do things no one else could.

"It hurts," Alexi whimpered, burying her face into my shirt.

"I know it does Munchkin." My heart tugged at hearing her sound so miserable. "I hit my head too a few weeks ago. Putting a new bandaid on it will help it though."

"Like Sam's arm?" Alexi's voice was so muffled I could barely understand her. "He has a big bandaid."

"Like Sam's arm." I suppose you could call Sam's arm brace a big bandaid. It's a shame he didn't have a cast on. I'd take great delight in drawing on it. "Can I do it?"

The nurse was standing there with a sympathetic look during my negotiation. She looked older than me and wore a wedding ring around a chain on her neck. It wouldn't be a surprise if she knew exactly what I was going through with negotiating with a toddler. When Alexi finally nodded her consent, the nurse wasted no time in getting a fresh dressing for me. I was very grateful the nurse wasn't stuck in her ways, insisting that she had to be the one to do it.

As careful as I was, I still made Alexi cry when I put the new dressing on her head. Her new bout of tears sent her face back into my shirt as she bawled her little heart out. I felt close to tears myself as I hugged her, apologising over and over again for hurting her. The nurse slipped out while I was trying to comfort Alexi with only a smile.

Alexi sob's gradually died down to nothing but tears. Even though she'd stopped sobbing, tears still stained my shirt. There was no prying her off me this time. I sat on the bed, cuddling her close and waited. Every minute felt like it was an hour long. I managed to get my phone out of my pocket, but even the promise of reading a book to Alexi wasn't enough to get her to stop crying. She was so miserable and there was nothing I could do but wait. What felt like an eternity later, but in reality, it was only fifteen minutes, I heard hushed voices near our curtain.

"Please? I know you've already done six hours of overtime but she's only a little girl who has a nasty head wound. I just need you to at least stitch it while waiting for the x-rays and CT scan."

The voice was the nurse who let us through right away. Whoever she was pleading with let out a loud and aggravated sigh. The long pause felt like an hour before the curtain was pulled back.

Just when I thought this day couldn't get any worse, the universe swiftly reminded me it could.

The doctor was Greg.

Authors Note

So, I genuinely am sorry for the cliffhanger this time! This chapter ran away from me and there is a big explanation from Greg coming up (as he should) so I needed to cut it down a bit.

And on that note, a bit of bad news. Updates will get a little spotty again for the next month. I have mid semester exams coming up and far too many assignments to go with it. While I can write on the train to Uni and on Saturdays at work, I'm not going to make any promises for any updates. So please be patient with me!

Thank you to everyone for all of your support. It really does keep me going, especially when I'm not sure of a chapter or how things are going. Your reviews mean the world to me.

Until next time.