For The Long Run

He had gone again, to Hojo's lab. Despite the many times Zack had told him to stop, that going there was only hurting him, he still went back like a trained puppy returning to its master.

One of these days he would figure out why Sephiroth was so afraid of Hojo, why a man so otherwise determined to be in control of every aspect of himself and his life would let himself be manipulated like he was. Fear wasn't the only factor in this, and he knew it.

The door opened and Sephiroth walked in, looking as if it was taking all his strength to walk normally. He was pale and shaking and his eyes were strangely hazy.

"Why are you here?" Sephiroth said, his voice cold and biting.

"I knew you were there," Zack said. "So I came to make sure you were alright."

"I don't need…" Sephiroth started, but stopped abruptly. His hand went to his head and he swayed dangerously.

Zack put an arm around his shoulders and steadied him. "Sit down, Seph."

He guided Sephiroth to the couch and Sephiroth sat down, hand still on his head. He closed his eyes.

"Go away," Sephiroth said.

"No."

Sephiroth glared at him. "Go away!"

"I said no," Zack said, glaring right back at him.

Not five seconds later, Sephiroth passed out.

Zack caught him and shook him. "Seph? Hey, wake up."

Sephiroth didn't respond at all.

"Damn it," Zack said, and eased him down onto the couch.

He slid down, draping Sephiroth's legs over his lap and fetched the blanket from the back of the couch, and covered him with it.

He sat there for who knows how long watching over his friend as he slept fitfully, all the while envisioning Hojo's untimely death. Where the hell had Hojo gotten the idea that he could fuck with someone like this? And, if Zack guessed correctly, it had been going on since Sephiroth was very little. Who knew what that bastard had done to him?

Sephiroth cried out in pain, and tears leaked from the corners of his eyes.

Zack remembered the pain all too well from when he'd undergone the SOLDIER conversion process; the mako felt like a million tiny knives running through your veins. Was this what it was like every time?

Sephiroth had wanted him to leave because he didn't want Zack to see him in this state, didn't want him to know. But Zack had figured it would be like this; that was why he'd come, and he wasn't about to leave.

Sephiroth snapped awake then, gasping.

Zack gave him a worried look.

"Don't…look at me…like that!" Sephiroth said.

Zack put his hand on Sephiroth's leg, offering what little comfort he could. There was no way to lessen the pain, so it was all he could do.

Sephiroth forced back another cry of pain, holding the blanket in a white-knuckled grip and Zack felt him tremble.

It seemed like it had been hours when Sephiroth's tense muscles relaxed and he lay there, breathing heavily.

He reached up with a shaky hand, and wiped the tears from his eyes, then looked at Zack.

"You should have gone," he said, sounding completely exhausted.

"Why?" Zack said. "Because you didn't want me to see you like this? Because you didn't want to look weak?"

Sephiroth didn't say anything, but Zack knew it was true.

"Shit, Seph," he said, "Mako hurts like hell! You think you're supposed to be able to just sit there like nothing's happening? I don't know anyone who can do that. I mean, I've seen grown men curl up into little balls and sob for their mommies. The other day, Captain Avery puked on one of the lab techs. Then there was the time that…"

Zack stopped when he noticed that Sephiroth wasn't paying attention. He had turned his head and was staring at the back of the couch, looking like he was deep in thought.

"Seph?" Zack said.

Sephiroth looked at him.

"Are you alright?"

Sephiroth just looked at him for a moment, as if it hadn't registered that Zack had asked him something.

"…Yes," he answered finally.

"Somehow I don't believe that," Zack said.

Sephiroth sat up, pushing the blanket off him and gave him a look that warned him to let it go.

Zack ignored the warning. "You know I'll never believe that bullshit, so I don't know why you keep trying to feed it to me."

Sephiroth closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Leave it be, Zack."

The warning was in Sephiroth's tone as well.

"I won't!" Zack said, getting angry, "I'm sick of this shit!"

It fucking hurt to see one of his closest friends let himself be harmed time and time again and do absolutely nothing to stop it. He'd let it go for far too long.

Sephiroth looked at him, and his brain barely had time to register that there was something strange about his eyes – his pupils were elongated like a cat's – before Sephiroth flew at him, knocking him back onto the couch and pinning him there.

Zack's insides writhed with fear and his heart felt like it was going to leap from his chest.

"Shut up," Sephiroth practically snarled, his words dripping with contempt.

Zack saw his death written in those alien eyes, and thought desperately of some way to escape. Sephiroth was on top of him, all his strength holding Zack down. There was no way Zack could overpower him, Sephiroth was so much stronger than he was.

Sephiroth squeezed his eyes shut then and his hand went to his forehead again, and when he recovered and looked at Zack again his eyes looked just as they always did.

Sephiroth got up very quickly and turned away from him. "I…"

Zack pushed himself up and reached out to touch Sephiroth's arm. "Seph?"

What the fuck was that?

Sephiroth bowed his head. "I apologize if I've injured you."

"I don't give a fuck about me," Zack said, "What I'm worried about is you."

"I…don't know what's wrong with me," Sephiroth said. He turned his head and said over his shoulder. "Go. Before it happens again."

Zack could tell from his tone that Sephiroth didn't just mean for him to leave right then. He wanted him to leave forever.

"Hell no," Zack said, "You're stuck with me."

"Zack…"

"I don't care what happens," Zack said, closing his hand around Sephiroth's arm. "There's no way you're gonna make me leave."

Sephiroth sighed. "I should have known you would say that," he said. The weariness that had been in his voice earlier was back.

Zack tugged on his arm, with the intention of getting Sephiroth to sit back down. Sephiroth gave in and settled back down beside him.

"You knew what you were getting into," Zack said, "'fraid you're in it for the long run, now."

"I know," Sephiroth said, and Zack detected a hint of relief. "I know."