I never knew it took being thrown into a harem anime to be grinning ear to ear. And not for reasons most people would be thinking of.
Because any plans of Raynare trying to off me just got thrown out the window, put in a box, then sent to space.
A joke about A devil, fallen angel and a human walked into a bar crossed my mind making me giggle slightly.
"Oh wow! A fallen angel? Have you come to take foul-mouth-chan away from me?!"
I couldn't hold it in. I just started laughing uncontrollably. I had but one thought in my mind.
'This day can't get any better.'
If you asked Rias Gremory about her life, she would say that she has enjoyed every minute of it.
She has a family that she adores, lives in a beautiful city and her best friend is but a teleport away.
However, there is one part in her life that she is not keen on.
There are a lot of expectations that come with being heir to House Gremory. For starters, you are expected to treat your peerage with affection. This is something that Rias Gremory has no qualms about. She adores each and every one of her peerage, the feeling in mutual for everyone within it. She would be content with spending the rest of her life with them.
However, she used to think that this was unlikely to happen.
Until recently that is.
Issei Hyoudou.
A member of the dubbed 'perverted trio', a boy that cares more about breasts than his studies.
But also a holder of a sacred gear.
A Longinus type, specifically.
She's aware that if she had a Longinus sacred gear holder in her peerage that she still wouldn't be able to get out of her marriage contract with Riser Phenex. But becoming the champion of the Rating-Game is a title that would hold more sway then marrying a pure-blooded devil.
Since Rias Gremory was a young girl, she has had this dream.
Her brother, Sirzechs Lucifer, is has always helped in this matter, which is why he has always had a helping hand in finding a peerage to match her dream.
However, Rias believes that dream can become possible with Issei Hyoudou.
Rias was brought out of her musing when she got a call from Koneko.
"There's been a development."
"Is she trying to kill him already?" Rias asked anxiously.
"No."
"Then what happened?"
"Serafall Leviathan happened."
"...What?"
"What are you doing with my foul-mouth-chan? Is this a date? Do you want a harem? If not why didn't you say so? I could bring my peerage and we could of had all sorts of fun!"
I admit I was on the edge of making a scene. I was on the edge of not being able to hold in my laughter. I ended up slightly crying by the end of it.
I have never met a woman quite like Serafall Leviathan.
"Kinky."
"Ahem, Is there room for one more?" Rias Gremory asked. "Everywhere else is full."
I looked up and raised my eyebrows slightly, seeing Rias Gremory with a pleasant smile on her face.
"Rias-chan! I didn't know Issei invited you! Come! Sit beside Fallen-chan!"
"Wait aren't you gonna get some food before jumping into this fuckfest?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"Huh?! Foul-mouth-chan? I didn't know you were so bold!"
"Wait hold on for a second there Sera, why did you come here in the first place?" I asked Rias pointedly. "Why not send it Koneko?"
"Because I came to talk to you"
I started to exasperatedly rub my forehead with my fingers. "Look, kid, I know about your little shin-dig, with you planning to slap me into your peerage when Raynare was going to try to kill me." I said gesturing to the fallen angel. "So cut to the chase."
"You knew?" Raynare stared at wide-eyed. "You knew I was going to kill you, that my name isn't Yuuma...You set me up. Didn't you?" Raynare said with a snarl evident in her voice.
"That's your fucking name!" I said snapping my fingers. "I was wondering for this entire date what your name was. I nearly called you Raynare when I saw ya for the first time. But of course I miraculously saved myself from making that slip. Isn't that right, my RAYnare of sunshine?" I asked, a grin spreading across my face.
I felt like I was taunting a mass murdering psycho while behind unbreakable glass.
It was only then when Koneko came up to the table, tray in hand, drinking from a straw that made a sound that got everyone's attention.
"Sup"
It was then when I noticed that there was no one left in the McDonalds.
It was Me, Serafall, Rias, Raynare, Koneko and a couple of McDonalds employees cleaning up a couple of tables.
"Where did everyone go?"
"I took care of them."
"...That hardly seemed necessary."
"Shut up, perv."
"Ah, back to this again. Same old shit over and over again. And you know what? You call me a perv? Then I have equal right to call you a stalker considering how you have been following me for the past few days like a lost dog."
I wasn't dignified with a response.
I looked around the table. Rias looked like she really wanted to say something but couldn't put it into words. I decided to takeover.
"Ya know I set up a lot of contingency plans if this shindig didn't work out the way I wanted" I said, making conversation. "I considered putting in a laxative into your food, Raynare. Or maybe some rat poison to kill you off. Then again, I'm not too keen on killing people, even if they wanted to kill me. I know you prefer the more, yeet a spear into my chest approach. But I'm old fashioned so there's that to consider too." I finished offhandedly, taking a sip from my coke.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Raynare near shouted at me.
"Me? What the hell is wrong with you young lass? Here I was, enjoying pretending not to know about the supernatural, when you decided to haul your ass into my life, try to make me want to get a quick fuck out of you and then you were gonna off me. It took me 3 fucking hours of planning the perfect date for you to fall in love with me so you wouldn't kill me. Only then I realized that it wasn't worth taking that risk and I couldn't live with myself if I did so. Do you know what I could have been doing in those 3 fucking hours? But no, you had to play the cunt card. Like why didn't you just find a quick way to off me when no one was looking? Are you that fucking sadistic? Ya twisted fuck."
"I regret not killing you when I had the chance." Raynare said through gritted teeth.
"Well whoop-dee-fucking-do-da. Because Rias there was going to reincarnate me when I died."
"That was never my intention, Hyoudou-san."
"This ought to be good, Rias, why did you have your servant give me the flyer to summon you?"
"I did it to protect you, Hyoudou-san."
What?
"Scuse me?"
"I wasn't aware that you knew of the supernatural until recently. You hold a sacred gear. And if my guess is correct, a very powerful one. This makes you a threat to a lot of supernatural factions. I felt it was my responsibility to protect you in case of that happening."
It was then when I realized my mistake.
I had no proof that Rias was going to take advantage of my death. Sure I could mention explain in detail Rias's entire plan to deal with her marriage but I still wouldn't have proof.
I was on the urge of give a complete verbal tongue lashing out Rias too but I stopped myself.
I need to stay in control.
I've been acting arrogant. Ever since getting into this world, because I know the future and have set up contingency plans doesn't mean everything will go my way.
I need to stay calm.
"Under normal circumstances I would believe you. I like to think the best of people. But considering what I know about your current situation and personality, I find you to be a more dishonest person because of that."
"Hyoudou-san, please, we have never talked to each other before today and it's not fair to judge me someone that you never met. That is why I wished to observe you before I made an offer for you to join my peerage."
"Can we talk about this later or sometime tomorrow when I'm less mad or acting like an asshole or when we are with company?" I said, gesturing to Raynare.
"Don't mind me, best fuckin' thing I've seen all day" Raynare replied, sipping her coke.
Wait.
Her coke.
"You are drinking my coke."
"Mine now, dickhead."
"Sera, you didn't think of stopping her?"
"Couples always share food! Like that one movie where a dog meets a lady dog and they eat spaghetti and they kiss, it's romantic!"
"...Look, lasses, I need to get myself a cup of coffee. Otherwise I might say a couple of things I'll regret later. Anybody want something?" I asked the group.
"Oh! Oh! Strawberry milkshake, Issei-chan!" Serafall piped up.
"Right then, I'll be back in a jiff."
"Hey dickhead, get me another coke."
"Fuck off Raynare you don't get coke."
I was left with time to ponder while waiting for my coffee and the strawberry milkshake.
I expected Rias to be brash and not have a backup for why Koneko was stalking me.
She is a lot more clever than I gave her credit for.
She wants me to join her peerage because of the marriage contract with Riser...but maybe there's a loophole in the contract.
Maybe I can help Rias out of her drama then never bothers me again. If I never awaken my sacred gear or refuse to altogether, a lot less people would be after me. Considering how canon Issei lasted 17 years before people found out about his sacred gear.
That doesn't mean people won't try to kill me anyway for my sacred gear.
Fuuckkkk.
I really should have thought this through a lot better.
"I got the drinks"
"A large milkshake? You do know how to spoil a woman!" Serafall exclaimed happily.
"You actually got the fallen a coke?" Koneko asked me.
"Nope, this is for me, same with the coffee. Ya hear that?...bird brain?"
"You're alarm clock is more original than you'll ever be."
"...That's probably the scariest thing you have said to me today. SO! Before I have a panic attack, can we deal with the Raynare situation now?"
"We're not killing her here."
"Ah well, about that" I said as I rubbed the back of my head. "I would hope you wouldn't kill her at all."
"She was going to kill you Hyoudou-san, this is what is expected of those that break the law." Rias retorted.
"Well the thing is she has a couple of friends hanging in the abandoned church."
"How the FUCK do you know about that?" Raynare not-so-politely asked, shooting out of her seat while doing os.
"The dark side of the force is a path to many abilities some consider unnatural. In other sense, not telling you. Anyway there's a small blonde chick, a tall tanned chick with I think light blue hair and a guy named Dohnaseek. He wears big brown coat."
"He remembers the guys name" Raynare muttered. "Should had have him on this mission."
"There's also a crazy priest called Siegfried. Be careful of him."
"How do you know all this Issei-kun?" Serafall asked me inquisitively.
"Through a perfectly moral and legal channel. Look I just don't want people dying because of me. It would cause some emotional turmoil that I'm not ready for."
"What would you suggest?" Rias asked.
"Lock'em up for trespassing or causing disturbances of your territory or something similar. Do some small time interrogation, get information, the works. But be careful of Siegfried. He's like Joker with a sword."
"Joker with a sword?"
"Think extremely fuckin' crazy. Scary too. That's all I know. So do you think you can lock them up too while you have Raynare? Considering the fact that is kinda your responsibility with taking up the whole territory thing."
"Consider it done!" Rias said with a bright smile. Almost as if she is happy to deal with the whole arc with Asia without anything happening to the poor girl if she comes to Kuoh.
"Well then I propose a toast" I said rising up from my seat. "To one of the worst first dates I have ever had and to making new friends in the meantime. Cheers!" I said, raising my coke in hand.
Serafall bumped it with her milkshake while the rest either didn't have a drink or was Koneko. Who didn't see the need in doing so.
"Alright so how about we continue this conversation tomorrow, alright? You all know where to find me. Oh yeah, And Raynare?"
"Fuck off"
"Ya know what? Fuck it" I was originally going to give my coke as a final meal of sorts but she started to push me over the edge. So of course, I dumped the coke all over her clothes.
"It was nice meeting y'all, Sera, thanks for tagging along and saving my ass and fuck you too Raynare!" I shouted as I left through the front door.
A feeling of relief flushed through me as I left.
I survived my first encounter with the fallen angels.
Now all I have to do is find Asia.
...Should be easier then surviving a murder attempt.
