"If you don't wake up now, I'm going to start getting dirty, and by dirty, I MEAN TEAR OFF YOUR B-"

*Smack!"

I fucking hate that alarm clock. But you know what I hate more?

Waking up at 6 a.m. to go to school.

Groggily, I reached out for my glasses before remember that I had perfect vision.

"Still going through this bullshit"

But I haven't gotten to the worst part.

I'm 70% sure that canon me woke up right next to Rias Gremory, tits out and everything. So it makes complete sense that I wouldn't since I gave the impression that I despised her.

Even though I don't like her, I would be the first to admit that she is a hot piece of ass.

Damn.


Another thing I hate about living in a Japanese home is breakfast.

To put it simply, it's rice.

Now don't get me wrong, I like rice, but you start to get sick of it after a while, which is why yesterday I took the toast the first chance I got.

But at the moment, no one was up awake.

So that's why no one knew that I chugged down 2 beers and with my bread and butter.

Because if Hana (my mother) found out I was drinking before school, I wouldn't be able to leave the house for a week.

...And I got better things to do than wait and let bullshit happen.


I didn't really have time to appreciate how beautiful Kuoh Academy was, with me worrying about being offed like a Team Rocket grunt. So when I walked into school feeling the best I have felt in days, I allowed myself to take in the site.

It's more like a college campus.

When I started to get weird looks from not just the girls, I hurried away in an attempt to fins Matsuda and Motohama. They were lying on a grass hill, a little over a minute away from me.

"Wassupppp!"

I didn't get a response.

"Guys?"

"Issei, I think it's about time we talk," Motahama said, patting the ground next to him.

"Guys? what's this about"

"YO! What the fuck Issei?" Matsuda said, running up to me and decking me right in the face. "You swore! You swore on the harem code! that you would tell me how you got Yuuma. But you ditched us! You think, just because you got a girlfriend that you can turn your backs on us?! She turned you against us! How could-"

This is the start of a rant that went on for a little more than 3 minutes, with Motahama trying to put in his own 2 cents but his words were drowned out by Matsuda's impassioned speech.

"You are my Nakama! If I have to choose a harem over one of my best friends, I'd have to at least think about it for 10 minutes before choosing the harem!"

I wanted to get off the ground and explain myself, but I found myself drawn into his speech like everyone else was.

"Thrown to the wind! Just like the Foxy arc in One Piece.

Wait One Piece exists?

It got to the extent where a small crowd started to form.

"And if this is what it's like before you even went on a date than I don't want any part of it!" he shouted, holding my shirt, and gazing at me with intense eyes.

The crowd started to clap and cheer, I distinctly heard someone shout yaoi.

But I realized that this is my chance to make things better between me and guys.

I broke the harem code.

And I shall take my punishment.

"You are right Matsuda" I said, as I got up from the ground. "Ray-YUUMA! Yuuma! I said Yuuma! She turned me against you! You and Motohama! So there is only one thing I must do. I promise to you, that I am breaking up with Yuuma."

Gasps were heard throughout the audience.

"I think I read something like this in a yaoi manga."

I turned my head and saw a girl that wore spectacles, had gold-colored eyes, and lightly messy brunette hair tied into braids on each side.

I racked around in my head for a moment before figuring out her name. Aika...something.

"That brings me to my second announcement, with my public breakup, leaves me single. However, I broke the harem code meaning I can not look for a harem until I earn my way back in. With that in mind, I will be reverting to my old ways."

Groans and looks of distaste were made by the audience.

"HOWEVER! I promise you all, I will never non-consensually peak on another girl from this school, or anyone else in general, on the condition that let's say...Murayama!"

"If you think that-"

"Goes on a date with my friend Matsuda, and Aika goes on a date with my other good friend Motohama within the week!"

"Are you trying to-"

"This is a one time offer!" I exclaimed loudly. "Either you two go on a date with my buddies or I go back to my old ways. Take it or leave it?"

"Why should I care if you go back to perving or not," Aika asked amused.

"You will be loved by the female populous for the next week, been thanked for taking one for the team. And secondly, you have never been on a date before so this would actually be some good practice for you."

Aika seemed to be considering it for a moment but Murayama was giving me a death glare like no other.

"How dare you," she said through gritted teeth. "If you think for a second that I'm going to allow you extort me so you can get a date for that perverted bastard, you are mistaken," She said, brandishing her sword.

"You hear it, ladies! Thanks to Murayama, I will be going back to my old ways! This all could have been prevented if she just took one for the team!" I said dramatically.

The other girls started to badger Murayama into taking the offer, Murayama kept glaring at me.

"Why me, why not someone else? Why me, in particular?"

"You interrupted my nap and I hold grudges" I responded, grinning mischievously at me.

Her face went through a turmoil of emotions before I look of realization came across her face.

"I won't."

Boos are jeers came from the audience.

"Because you won't peak on the girls anyway."

"What makes you think that?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You started acting differently before you got a girlfriend. You do know everyone started talking to Yuuma the day you introduced them to the losers. We all talked to her, saying how despicable a person you are. But the morning before you introduced Yuuma to the pervs, You acted completely different. You weren't eyeing up every girl, you didn't even stare at my boobs. You got angry when I hit you. You didn't even remember my name..."

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Issei, what happened the first time we met?" She asked in a serious tone.

"You think you're that special that I'd remember the first time we met?" I asked, letting my other eyebrow join my forehead.

"That's another thing! You were never this-" She stumbled, waving her hand at me. "Dismissive!"

"Look, woman, what are you trying to prove here?"

"I swear, I will go on this date with Matsuda if you can tell me the names of 5 people in the kendo club."

It was at this moment I realized what was going on.

Murayama is a side character, barely mentioned apart from that one OVA where she gets tentacled.

So to find out she is this observant is surprising.

Murayama doesn't think that Issei Hyoudou is someone else. But she realizes that I'm not the perverted Issei Hyoudou she knows.

And I can't have her thinking that.

"No Murayama, you can't make that bet! You're going to catch pervert!" A pink-haired girl went up to Murayama, a desperate look on her face.

"Well for starters, that's Katase," I said pointing to the girl in question. "You're Mur-"

"I don't count."

"You're adding rules!"

"You have been perving on all the girls here for at least a year. Are you telling me you don't know the names of the others in the kendo club?"

"Well, umm, uhh, Kiba! Yuuto Kiba is in the club!" I responded, a grin plastering my face.

"The kendo club is a girls-only club."

Silence, absolute silence filled the clearing. people were looking at me in uttermost confusion, Motohama and Matsuda were looking at me like this was the first time we ever met. Murayama was looking at me dead in the eyes. An emotion portrayed on her face that I couldn't quite grasp

"I remember sizes a lot better than names, I can do that for ya. Besides, there are so many girls in this school, you can't possibly expect to remember every girl's name. But I'll make ya another deal, if you agree to this date, then I'll answer any questions you have about me later, deal?"

"Why don't you just tell me now?"

"Because that would ruin my cool-guy image" I responded, charmingly. Though everyone else seemed to groan at me. "So go on, take it, or leave it."

"...On the date, there will be no kissing, no perving, and I won't be paying for anything" she said, turning to Matsuda, getting a loud whoop of cheer out of the guy.

"Does that stand for you too, Aika?"

"Oh I'm joining you for that conversation, I've got a couple of questions for you too."

"You brilliant son of a bitch!" Matsuda shouted, grabbing in a bear hug from behind and lifting me into the air. "You fucking did it! You are the manliest of men! Taking the ultimate of ultimate sacrifices for your friends! Forget what I said about the Harem Code, you're a fucking brilliant son of a bi-

Matsuda declaring his endless love of me was cut off when the bell rang from the school.

Which meant now I had to suffer school.

Fuck.


After hours of fucking bullshit, Lunch finally came along.

Which is when I was escorted to the Student Council Room by two lovely ladies.

Both of which I completely forget the names of, but still. Sooner or later, people are going to think I turned into some casanova, the way things are going.

Not that I would mind that, it would be a great ego boost.

In less than 3 minutes, I found myself in front of the Student Council Room.

"You will wait here for the ti-wait!"

"Hey, Sona!" I called as I entered the room. "You too, Rias, Akeno, Koneko, Tsubaki...I forget the rest of you. Is Sera not around?" I asked while looking around the room.

There was a distinct lack of Student Council members present. Only Sona, Tsubaki, a red-haired lass, and the sidest of side characters that had long brown hair with pigtails.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Ara ara, you must be Issei Hyoudou. I don't believe we've met" Akeno said, smiling that smile of hers.

"Well, it's hard to forget someone pretty as you are" I responded, taking a seat beside her.

"A charmer too? A pleasure to meet you."

"Ahem" Sona coughed to get my attention. "I believe it's about time we have our talk."

"I agree, so where should we start?"

"Have you awakened your sacred gear?"

"Nope. Don't plan to either."

"Why?"

"Personal reasons, any reason this isn't just you, me and Rias here? Didn't expect the company...Damn you, me and Rias, that's going to stick in the mind for a bit."

"Personal reasons. And I would prefer if you addressed Nimura and Meguri and not by their sizes." She said giving me a narrowed eye look.

"Well now that that is out of the way, can I just flat out refuse to join either of your peerages? Or are we going straight to the recruitment thing?"


"Can you hear us out before either of us make an offer? We would like to try and clear up any misconceptions you have about devils" Rias asked, folding her legs over each other.

"It's not a misconception about devils. I don't like the peerage system, I don't want to be dragged into the supernatural's problems. And the fact that your summon or whatever it's called gave me this flier" I said pulling out the object in question "just before I went on the date does not put you in the brightest of lights." I responded curtly.

"...I understand why you would think that, but I promise you, I did not try to have you killed so you would be added to my peerage."

"If it was only that, I'd look like a mad man blaming the person trying to save me. It's not only that though. How will I put this...It's basically slavery under a pretty name. However, it's slavery but it's also kind of like a pyramid scheme where the stronger you get, you have the potential of having your own band of slaves."

"I promise you that I treat my peerage like family, I just want you to be apart of that family"

I snorted. I didn't want to get into a conversation about why I disliked her as a person but I couldn't stop myself.

"You only want me to be apart of your family because of my sacred gear. If I was a normal human, you wouldn't think twice about letting me be killed by that fallen. The thing I realized about you Rias, is that you cherrypick. You only add people into your peerage based on their rarity. And besides that, I'm still not going to willingly join a version any version of slavery."

There was an outcry of shouts at my bold declaration. Questions all asked at once, like Koneko asking what I meant by rarity and Akeno asking if a collar would suit her.

Surprisingly it was Nimura that spoke the loudest.

"What do you care? I thought you would be happy to get close to girls. You have no chance with the humans because you're a giant pervert. This is the closest you will probably get to one without a restraining order." She said, looking down on me.

Well trying to look down at me, she's about 5 foot tall. Pretty hard for her to do that.

"And what? You and your stupid twin-tail hair is going to attract guys left right and center? Have you seen yourself?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. I vaguely remember Meguri because, ya know, she's hot. But you, I had or have to fucking clue who you are. That shows how attractive I see you. Where one of the biggest perverts in the school doesn't even want to chase you? Ya know what? Take this as reassurance. I. Will. Never. Peak. On. You.

"Issei, that's enough!" Sona shouted at me with a harsh glare. "Nimura, don't antagonize our guest."

There was a 3-way stare-down between me, Sona, and Nimura. Everyone else in the room seemed to be indifferent levels of shock directed towards both me and Sona.

"Hyoudou-san, while one of the reasons Rias's is here is because she wants you in her peerage that is true," Sona said in which Rias's gave a look between hurt and confusion for some reason. "I only wish you to answer one question."

I raised an eyebrow slightly before rolling my eyes. "Shoot."

"During our recent conversations, you've lied to me once. Do you recall this?"

I blinked in confusion for a moment. Slightly confused. "I don't...I'm sorry?"

"Would you like to know how you lied to me?"

"Preferably not, Ignorance is bliss and all that shit," I said with a waved hand.

"...Very well. Rias's, the floor is yours."

"All I'm asking for a chance" Rias took over. "I need to a strong peerage but my peerage is my family. It's my dream to become the King of Rating games. And if I have you on my peerage. That dream can become true" she said looking hopeful.

"While I hate turning down a pretty face, small problem with the peerage system, ya can't leave once you join. Servitude at it's finest." I said holding my hand up like I was holding a glass of wine.

"You can leave your peerage any time you like" Nimura continued, amusedly. "Clearly you have no idea what you're talking about."

There was a brief moment of silence. But then I started to chuckle.

"Let me guess, you probably joined Sona's peerage seeing only the positives, you have a group of friends, language subjects will be a breeze, not having to learn any of them as a devil and you get superpowers. That's why you joined right?" I asked, looking directly into her eyes.

"I could cave your skull in if I punch hard enough" she replied with a satisfied smirk.

"Wow, Sona you do know how to pick 'em," I said before continuing in a haughty voice. "Clearly this ruffian is untrained in the eyes of the education. Where did you collect her from Detroit?"

"That's not funny and you're not funny" Nimuri instantly shot back.

"True, I'm not funny, but tell me, in 10 years, not even, how about 6 years. You find yourself a guy, you want to be with him. He's everything you've ever wanted. You get married and all is well with your life. Well tough love Nimura, because once you become a devil, you've got being drafted right over your head. You've got duties to do. People to serve. You've made the mistake of falling down that rabbit hole. Sure, you can leave your peerage at any time you want. But in doing so you become a stray devil. You will slowly go mad with power. It's called the evil pieces for a reason and your friends were the ones that made the deal with devils. So you remember this, as much as you want to think that you aren't leading a slave's life, doesn't change the fact of the matter that you are. Sure, maybe you can get stronger become a high-class devil, like Sona. Even still, when there's a war where the devils are involved, you don't have a choice in the matter. You. Will. Fight."

My rant has caused the entire room to go silent until Sona started to speak up,

"Disregarding the fact you called me a slaver, you speak as if a war is coming, what makes you think so?"

"Well, I've also developed a theory that maybe devils develop empathy at a later stage than humans. It would explain why a lot of the older devils are less warmongering than the younger ones, but hey, I'm going off of speculation I'm not saying it's soon. Sure, maybe when a war happens, I'd be 10 feet under. But devils live have a lot longer lifespan then I do. And quite frankly" I shrugged. I'm a coward."

"And if Japan ever went to war, you believe that wouldn't be drafted?"

"You make a good point there, but it's a lot easier to hide from humans than it is from devils. And besides, I'm not the bad guy here. All I want is a peaceful life that doesn't involve a lot of work. I'm lazy like that."

"And what about your goal to become 'Harem King?'"

"I'm pretty sure people from fucking Brazil heard Matsuda's speech so don't pretend you didn't hear that. But no, now I have a new goal" I said as I turned away and tried to look mysterious.

"I will become...The Kasanova of Kuoh"

While I was expecting a couple of laughs, the fact that there was a silence that lasted longer than 5 seconds made the scene feel awkward.

I coughed into my hand.

"Look, I don't hate devils, but I don't hate fallen angels or whatever, Cus that would be racist. Actually, the thing I hate the most at the moment is my bad luck and my sense of direction. I just don't want to lose my freedom.

"I understand you a lot better now," Sona said while raising her glasses and crossing over her knee. "You believe that the devils are a form of mafia to the point where if you join them and don't follow orders you will die. However, you failed to recognize the fact that it is a lot better than the alternative. You know like everyone else in this room that you have a sacred gear, we are unaware as to what it is but clearly it is powerful enough to make you have a distinct magical signature without unlocking it. You, whether you like it or not, are a target. Yesterday has made that clear. But you are purposefully leaving out the fact that we are offering sanctuary from those types of people." Sona responded as if this debate was one she has had often.

However, I wasn't going to back down.

"So it's an ultimatum, you either join or be killed, by your hand or by someone else. But I don't hear you disregarding the fact that if you try to leave, you will go insane. That was a genius thing Beelzebub made. I have no doubt that he could remake the evil pieces to where you could leave your peerage and still be sane. Of course, he's never going to make the evil pieces work like that because you guys still need as many people on your side in the fallout of war. So you can act like your the good guys in all this but to me, but Sona, what you care for in your peerage most of all is intelligence, but Rias, all I see in you is someone that only cares for their peerage due to their power." I said, walking to the door to give one line I know they won't forget.

"And deep down, you know it." I finished, closing the door as I left.


The rest of the day left me a lot of time to ponder on the conversation I had in the Student Council Room.

In my opinion, it went pretty well.

There definitely is a couple of negatives that went into that conversation, I came flat out and gave reasons why I don't like Rias, hinted that I know more than I should about her peerage and flat out told her I found her power-hungry.

I also just explained to the people in Sona's peerage that they are stuck in slavery. And either hates me for breaking their illusions or thankful for making them see the truth.

I just did a lot of things very stupidly. All my reasons were logical and shit but if that spreads to their peerages, they are going to have problems with me.

Fuck me.

Maybe I could point Saji into their direction? Then they can bother him and not me.

Heck, I'm pretty sure Saji was in love with Sona and he seemed pretty happy in the series.

I'm not from this universe, I'm not used to hentai logic.

...That's a sentence I really did not expect I would be saying out loud.

Not a week into the life of Issei Hyoudou and I'm already making enemies.

"Oi Saint Micheal or Gabriel or whoever is running the above land, it would be fairly solid of ya if you gave me a hand here and make sure I don't die or whatever. Can ya do that?"

Now, admittedly it was not the smartest thing to say out loud and the other people on the street are giving me weird looks now but it was worth a try.


"I'm home!" I called out to the house, expecting a response from Hana or Kaze (my father)

What I was not expecting was Sirzechs, Grayfia, Azazel, and Gabriel sitting down together with cups of tea in hand in my living room.

"There's the man himself!" Azazel said with a broad grin.

I took a deep breath.

I took another.

Fixed a smile.

And spoke.

"Excuse me, but what the fuck are you all doing here?!"