Chapter Three: Looking Around for Someplace Near
"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them."-George Elliot
Lola spends the remaining time waiting helping out the supermutants of Jacobstown. The three days the group had settled on is almost up, and Cass, Raul and Veronica sent word with a courier that they are due back any hour today with Rex's new brain. Lola hopes the other half of their group being back will ease the tension in the air. Boone's been oddly quiet, avoiding her and leaving the room whenever she walks in. She can feel his eyes on her whenever she is around Lily-the supermutant taught her to garden, and she finds she likes having dirt covered hands as opposed to blood covered ones-but he hasn't made any effort to talk to her. She wonders if he's angry-she refused to budge on her offer to Lily-but she tries not to read too much into his silence.
Marcus finds her while she's gardening with Lily. The supermutant had put her too large straw hat on Lola's head-to protect "Becky" from sunburns, she had said- and Lola pushes it up when she hears Marcus calling her name.
"Lola," he says urgently. "Got something I could use your help with."
"Of course," Lola says, setting her trowel down next to a new patch of carrots she'd helped Lily plant. She wipes the dirt off her hands and onto her jeans. "Just none-name it."
"We've been having NCR mercs harass the town, and they just showed up again."
"Oh," she says. "Let me go get some ammo." Marcus shakes his head vigorously.
"I don't want you to kill them," he says. "Not looking for a fight. That will only give the NCR a reason to come and wipe us out."
"I don't understand what you want me to do," she says as she stands.
"Talk them into leaving," Marcus offers. "You're human-they might listen to you." Lola scoffs.
"You don't have the ring-right person for that."
"Hell, bribe them if you have to," Marcus pleads. "Just don't kill them."
"I'll see what I can do," she promises. Boone sees her as she makes her way down the road, and stands to follow her. He keeps his distance as he watches her catch up to the mercs.
The group is laughing, fiddling with something when Lola walks up. She can see that it's some sort of explosive, possibly a grenade.
"Hey," she says. "I hope you aren't placard-planning on throwing that at Jacobstown."
"Our business is with the muties, not with you," their leader grunts.
"You need to leave," Lola says firmly. The leader scoffs and grabs her, pulling her to him in an effort to intimidate her. Boone inhales sharply at the sight, and reaches for his sniper rifle, Marcus be damned.
"And what are you going to do about it?" he sneers. "You one of their fucktoys or something?" The merc's eyes widen slightly as he feels the edge of her combat knife slipped underneath the folds of his armor and against his stomach.
"If you don't leave," she says, calmly and slowly, gently pressing the knife against his stomach for emphasis. "I will maker-make you wish you were fighting the super mutants." She continues, keeping her voice slow so she won't trip over any stray syllables, and presses the knife harder against his skin. "When I'm done with you, there won't be enough left to fill a gore bag."
"Jesus," the merc says, blanching and raising his arms in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. I believe you-we'll leave." He steps back and she lets him, warily tracking his movements. His eyes meet hers, and she unflinchingly holds his gaze; she doesn't have to wonder what he sees in her eyes that causes him to turn away. He shudders, motioning to his crew, and they turn, leaving Jacobstown. She watches them as they move down the cracked road, and Boone watches through his scope, his finger hovering over the trigger. Lola turns, the harsh expression on her face sending shivers down his spine, and he holsters his rifle when she begins to walk back.
Marcus whistles lowly as she walks up, affectionately hitting her shoulder.
"And you said you weren't good with words," he says. She offers him a tentative smile, and Boone breathes a silent sigh of relief when that smile wipes the violence from her face.
"You don't wanna know what I said," she admits. "But I handled it. They shouldn't be pack-back again." Marcus makes a noncommittal grunt, and Lola takes her place next to Lily again to finish gardening.
"My Becky sure knows how to deal with bullies," Lily says fondly as Lola kneels down and Lola nods, not correcting her about the name. Boone watches as the supermutant licks her large blue thumb to wipe a spot of dirt from Lola's cheek, and the warmth in Lola's smile contrasts sharply with the previous harshness of her expression. It makes something in his chest ache, and he tentatively walks up to Lola, arguing with himself with every step. She looks up at his approach, the wide brim of Lily's hat covering her eyes, and Boone grunts,
"You alright?"
"Had you watching my back, didn't I?" she says casually in response. A hint of a good-natured smirk creeps up on her face, and goddamnit, that shouldn't make him feel as good as it does.
"Not that you needed me to," Boone says. "Handled yourself pretty well."
"Wouldn't have tried if I hadn't name-known you were right behind me," she says. Before Boone can think of a response, Arcade calls the two of them from the porch of the lodge. Lola's brow furrows, and she pulls the hat off of her head to hand to Lily. She stands, brushing the dirt off of her hands, and the two of them make their way to the lodge. Worry covers Arcade's face, and Boone doesn't miss the way he keeps his eyes on Lola as he leads them back to Doc Henry's lab. They walk into the lab to see Doc Henry working intently on something, with a female ghoul in a lab coat at his side.
"Hey, so you're the one who dealt with the nightstalkers," the ghoul says. "Nice work-sorry I missed it."
"Thanks," Lola says. "I'm Lola."
"Calamity," she answers. She looks over at Doc Henry, still absorbed in his work. She nudges him with her elbow. "Doc, they're here." Henry looks up as if in a daze, and his eyes focus on Lola.
"Ah, yes," he says. "Thank you, Calamity. Lola-I'd like to hire you as a guard for tonight."
"Of course," Lola says. "What's the occasion?"
"I'm running an experiment on the Mark II Stealth Boy prototype, and I'd like some extra muscle in case something goes wrong. Would you mind talking to Lily for me?"
"What's Lily have to do with this?" Lola's voice echoes unsurely in Boone's ears, and his brow furrows.
"She's helping me test the prototype," Doc Henry answers.
"What are the risks of such an experiment?" Arcade asks, noticing Lola's look of distress.
"Possible immediate and permanent mental damage," Doc Henry answers without missing a beat. "If the experiment goes wrong, the worst case scenario would be Lily becoming completely unhinged. The best case, she forgets everything about her time as a human."
"Why does it have to be Lily?" Lola asks, a fierce protective instinct she's unfamiliar with welling up in her chest.
"Well, Lily is certainly eccentric, but I've never thought she was dangerous," Doc Henry says. "More importantly, she asked if she could help in someway. I've told her about the risks but she still insists on helping me."
"Of course she does," Lola says quietly. "She's a good person."
"I won't have the experiment ready until later so you can spend time with Lily," Doc Henry says and, though his voice is as gruff as always, Lola gets the feeling he is trying to be kind. "And, Lola-if the experiment goes wrong, try to remember her as she is now."
Lola wanders around the lodge, boots crunching in the snow. She closes her eyes and deeply inhales the cold air. She doesn't remember ever feeling weather like this and finds that, despite her initial protests, she's grown to like it. She sits down on a rotting tree stump. She doesn't like the coldness but something about the snow feels peaceful. She likes Jacobstown, and the super mutant population.
"Human," she hears a rumbling voice say.
"Keene," she answers without opening her eyes. She hears loud, crunching footsteps, and opens her eyes to see the leader of the supermutants looming over her. "What do I owe the perseverance-pleasure?" He scoffs, blinking snow out of his eyes, and says,
"You stink of unhappiness." When she doesn't reply he says, in a much louder voice, "Why does a human care about a nightkin?"
"Lily's a good, kind person," she says. "She's my friend."
"Have you met Leo?" he scoffs.
"Lily's not Leo," Lola says simply. He looks at her, confusion contorting his already monstrous features.
"You are an odd one, human," he says. "To be so concerned about Lily taking part in Henry's damnable experiments."
"Don't you want a cure?" she asks curiously. He pulls his lips back, showing molted and yellowed teeth.
"Stealth boy use has a cumulative adverse effect on the psyche. Jacobstown was supposed to be a sanctuary for my people, but instead we wait for a cure and I am forced to watch my people getting worse." He sounds, underneath his booming rage, very bitter.
"It seems like Henry and Marcus are doing the best they can," she says slowly.
"Marcus may lead this town, but the Nightkin listen to what I have to say," he says almost smugly. "However, that doesn't mean I don't respect what Marcus is trying to do here. He just doesn't understand the difficulties of being a Nightkin." Lola looks out to the horizon, watching the Strip shine brightly against the setting sun, and startles when Keene says,
"Why do you fight your nature, human?"
"What do you make-mean?" she asks.
"Marcus says nightkin must get treatment in order to eventually fit into human society, but you-you're like us. You can't fit in."
"Sure I can," she says. "Just gotta work at it."
"To what end?"
"Why do you keep your Nightkin here?" she shoots back. After a heavy moment of silence, Keene says,
"Ah."
"Gets lonely."
"That it does." The nightkin moves, his head blocking the light from the Lucky 38. He looks down at her, and she politely looks away from him.
"We're both just trying to take care of our people," he says, and his words oddly touch her heart.
"Mostly, my people take care of me," she answers softly.
"Goodbye, human," Keene rumbles. "I hope we both get what we want." As the nightkin's lumbering footsteps echo away into obscurity, Lola gives thought to what it is she wants. Her thoughts turn to Boone, and she shakes her head, trying to push his image from her eyes by staring up into the starry night.
Reluctantly, Lola goes in search of Lily to talk to her about Doc Henry's experiment. She finds the supermutant in a corner room on the first floor, and can't stop the smile at the decorations. Patchwork quilts cover the bed and floor. Lola watches the nightkin swallow half a dose of her medicine.
"Hey, sweetie," Lily says.
"Hey, Lily," Lola says unhappily. Lily pats the seat next to her. She sits down next to Lily, and finds her legs don't touch the floor. By contrast, the Nightkin seems to engulf the chair she sits in.
"So, I see you've spoken to Doc Henry." Lola looks up at her questioningly, and Lily smiles, tapping her head. "I was told," she says in response to Lola's unspoken question.
"Leo?"
"Leo sees and hears a lot of things I don't," Lily says. Lola doesn't respond, so Lily continues. "Have I ever told you about when I was human?"
"You've told me about your grandkids," Lola says. "But not much else."
"The Master, back before," Lily starts, her eyes shining with a startling clarity. "He-it-came to Vault 17. My vault. The first time I ever saw the sun was when I was being dragged across the wasteland dirt." Here, she smiles and the sight of it fills Lola with an indescribable sadness. "It blinded me at first-my eyes were used to the incandescent lights of the vault. I had spent 75 years underground. I had a long, fulfilling life. I had known the love of a good man, and had a beautiful daughter. And two grandchildren whom I loved dearly." Fat tears roll down Lily's cheeks, and she reaches one hand to wipe them away. "My grand children never got that chance. The FEV didn't take with them. Instead of turning them into super mutants, it-it-"
"Shh," Lola says, grabbing Lily's hand. Lily's blue hand eclipses Lola's-three of Lily's fingers make up the width of Lola's palm, but she holds on to those fingers with all she's got. "You ain't gotta talk about aerial-anything you don't want to." Lily pats Lola's hand.
"You've always been a sweet girl, Becky," she says, her eyes becoming cloudy again as her medicine takes effect. She reaches one large hand up to gently pinch Lola's cheek. "Gramma's little sweetheart." Lola smiles so hard it hurts her cheeks to keep tears from spilling over them-she can't remember being anyone's sweetheart and, for the first time, can't seem to come to terms with loss.
"You might want to stand back," Doc Henry says. Lola nods, backing up against the wall of the cabin. She worries at the fingernails of one hand with her teeth. Boone reaches out to take her hand, but pulls it back before Lola can notice. Arcade looks at him, and Boone doesn't meet his gaze. Arcade is the one that pulls Lola's hand from her teeth, and she gifts him a weak smile when he entwines his fingers with hers, squeezing her palm. Boone, his arms are crossed tightly across his chest and his face unreadable, clenches his own hand in response.
"Okay Lily," Doc Henry says, and Lola pushes down the anger she feels at his casual tone. "I want you to fire up the prototype."
"Alright," Lily says. A sharp crackling echoes throughout the room, and the sharp smell of ozone assaults Lola's nose as Lily disappears from view. The nightkin makes a pleased sound.
"How do you feel, Lily?" Doc Henry asks.
"Feels nice," Lily says, her words slurred. "I like that you can't see me!"
"We need to see how it reacts based on certain emotions. Lily, I'd like you to imagine smashing a radscorpion." Lily's laugh sounds happy, and she yells,
"LILY SMASH!" Calamity scribbles notes furiously on a paper attached to a clipboard, eyes darting back and forth between her notes and the equiptment monitoring Lily's status.
"Good," Doc Henry says. "Now, I want you to imagine something that makes you happy."
"Gardening with Becky this morning," Lily says dreamily. "My girl's a quick study!" Lola's face crumples in unhappiness, and Arcade wraps an arm around her shoulders.
"It's going well," he whispers. "She's still herself."
"Good. Alright, Lily-go ahead and power down the stealth boy." There's a heavy moment as Lily remains invisible, but eventually she comes back into view.
"Aw," she says, handing it back to Doc Henry. "I liked having it on."
"The preliminary results look promising," he says, taking the clipboard from Calamity. "We'll have to space out the tests, but eventually-"
"Well, well," a mocking voice echoes, interrupting Doc Henry, and Lola hears the sound of clapping. "Congratulations on getting the Mark II prototype functional, doctor. Now hand it over, and we'll be on our way."
"Keene," Henry says, unfazed and as though he is not surprised to see the leader of the nightkin and his entourage flooding the doorway.
"It's too dangerous for you to use it," Lola tries. "Steam-Stealth boy use has an adverse effect on the mind when repeatedly used, remember? You told me that."
"Our lives, our decision to make!" Keene barks. "We're tired of sitting around Jacobstown, waiting for a cure!" At the venom in his voice, their earlier conversation echoes in her ears and she wonders just how long he'd been planning to steal the prototype.
"Doctor Henry doesn't have the cure yet, but he's almost there," Lola says. "Jest-Just be patient."
"No!" Keene roars, knocking Henry's equipment to the floor. Lola tries not to wince at the sound of it shattered. "No more waiting! No more promises! Give me the stealthy boy now, or I will take it by force!"
"I can't let you take it," Lola says, sorrowfully apologetic. Keene moves to push past her, but she stands in his way with her feet planted firmly on the ground. He snarls, his hand snaking out like a shot of blue lightening. One of Keene's large, blue hands wraps around her neck. Lola reaches for her pistol, holstered on her hip but Keene's other hand knocks her pistol away.
"I'm sorry," he says. "But I can't allow you to stand in my way." However, the following snarl of unrestrained pride discredits his apology, and distressed malice lights up the Nightkin's face as she chokes.
"Keene-" she gasps. Her hands grasp at fingers, wrapping around the width of three of them, and she tries in vain to pull his fingers from her throat.
"You shouldn't have fought your nature, human," he says as he squeezes her neck tighter. "It has only gotten you killed." She gasps, the last of her air escaping her mouth. Her head begins to pound, and the only thing filling up her world is the feeling of Keene's hand around her throat. She hears his laughter echo in her ears as though she is in some faraway place, and her vision begins to shake with darkness. At this rate, he'll crush her throat. Nonononono-
A gunshot rings out and, almost as if she were watching it in slow motion, Keene's blood splatters on her face as his head explodes. For a split second, she's worried he'll hold on to her throat even in death, but his body crumples and she drops to the floor. The last thing she sees is half of Keene's face, one eye seeming to glare balefully at her, as though in judgment. She thinks she can hear someone calling her name, but she can't focus on it before she falls into blessed unconsciousness.
Boone swings his rifle to aim at the other Nightkin who had followed Keene into the lab, but they've frozen numbly at the sight of their leader dead on the ground. One growls, taking a step toward Lola, and Boone shoots him in the chest. He falls with a deafening thud.
"Stay the fuck away from her," he growls. The other nightkin who had walked in with Keene backs into the wall, knocking one of Henry's paintings from the wall. He turns and runs, his footsteps echoing thunderously throughout the lodge. The other supermutants and nightkin, gathered at the doorway, part for him. They begin to whisper as though to fill the silence.
"Keene is dead!"
"The blood girl didn't want to fight."
"Hopeless case, hopeless case!"
"Quiet man's heart beats in his chest for the blood girl."
Boone ignores their hushed ramblings, running to Lola. He sets his rifle down and slips one arm underneath her. He pulls her to his chest, and her hair falls away to reveal ugly purple bruising across her throat.
"You don't get to die on me," Boone says quietly to her, hoping she can hear him. He brushes her hair over her scar-absurdly, he remembers she doesn't like having attention drawn to it. He shouts for Arcade who kneels down beside him an instant later.
Pain. It's always pain she wakes up to. She shifts, feeling a soreness in her throat when she swallows and a pounding in her head when she opens her eyes. She's in one of the spare rooms of the lodge, and she can see the stars through the patchy holes in the ceiling. A patchwork quilt lays heavily over her.
"Hey," Boone says hoarsely. He's propping his head up with one hand on his cheek, but he seems to straighten when she stirs. She startles-his sunglasses are hanging on the collar of his shirt, and the intensity of his face is a bit frightening. She can see fatigue written under his eyes, and anger scrawled across his brow. But his eyes scare her the most. His eyes are alight with something she can't recognize, something that is burning a hole right through her, and she squirms as if she were underneath a magnifying glass.
"You're awake. Thank God." Her throat stings, and her body aches, but she pushes herself up on one hand, leaning back against the headboard.
"If" she starts, then stops in frustration. She takes a deep breath. "If I could talk better-if I were better, I could have talked Keene down."
"Nothing could have stopped him," Boone says. His voice reminds her of the sound of broken glass, and she furrows her brow-had he had anything to drink at all since she'd been out? She tries to open her mouth to ask, but Boone says,
"Keene was a monster."
"Not by choice," she says. "Their brains-the nightkin-they're not right. They can't help it-"
"He had a choice," Boone insists. "And he chose to hurt you. That's the last mistake he ever made."
"I wish you'd found a different way," she says. She hadn't wanted to kill the nightkin, and she holds on to that.
"He had his hands around your throat, and this-this gleeful look in his eyes. There was no choice."
"Killing him was-" Lola starts to say wrong but stops short when Boone whispers,
"It was him or you; there was no choice," Boone says. "I chose you." The last three words are said so quietly that Lola just wants to consider them a slip of the tongue-but they hang so painfully in the air that they're hard for her to ignore. It's only then that she notices that Boone has been holding her hand, and she wonders how she hadn't noticed it before. The heat of his skin almost burns her, and she can feel the weathered skin of his palm underneath hers. She cautiously closes her fingers around his, feeling callouses on his fingers, and his grip tightens.
"I," she starts, pushing herself up. He leans forward to better hear her. There are so many things she wants to say, and she reaches for the words. Before she can grasp them, the door to the room bursts open. Boone jerks away from her as a weight lands on the bed next to her.
"Lola!" Veronica says, pulling her into a tight hug. Lola chuckles, shifting to get more comfortable.
"Hahaha-ah, hey," she says with a soft wince, hugging her back. Her hands grip the fabric of Veronica's tunic and she rests her head against the girl's shoulder. The hand that was clenched in Boone's grip feels empty without the weight of his palm.
"We didn't interrupt anything, did we?" Cass calls, leaning against the doorway. Boone crosses his arms, glaring at the wall and purposefully not meeting Cass' gaze as he puts his sunglasses back on.
"I'm sorry," a voice says from the doorway, and Lola turns her head to see Marcus. His form engulf the doorway, blocking what little light was coming from the hallway, but even in the shadows she can make out the sorrowful furrow of his brow. "But when you and your cyberdog are well, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Keene was the leader of the nightkin, and I'm not sure I'll be able to control them without him."
"Of course," Arcade answers. "I'm only sorry it got out of hand."
"Sorry about Keene," Lola says guiltily, trying not to feel happy about Boone's words. I chose you. She'd only wishes he hadn't had to choose at all.
"I am too," Marcus says, clasping the man on the shoulder. "I'll do my best to remind everyone of the good you all have done for us, and how Keene's madness would have only worsened things for us if it were allowed to continue. My hope is to be able to see you all here again someday, but we'll have to wait for the anger at Keene's death to die down." Marcus leaves, and Lily takes his place, moving from behind him into the doorway. Lola swallows nervously but finds her voice.
"Lily. How are you feeling?" she asks hoarsely.
"I'm just fine, sweetie," Lily says, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. Veronica scoots so the nightkin will have room, and the bed sinks underneath Lily's weight. "Sweetie, about your offer-" Lola's heart sinks, but she forces herself to keep her tone light.
"Staying here?" Lily nods, the brim of her hat bouncing.
"With Keene gone, the Nightkin need someone to take care of them," she says. "And, thanks to you, I'm myself most days."
"I understand," she says with a smile. "You need to take cave-care of your people."
They left Jacobstown early the next morning, and traveled the entire day. Lola hardly spoke during the day, only speaking to set a course for Freeside. She knew getting Rex back to the King should feel right but she selfishly didn't want to give the dog back yet. She'd grown fond of the canine, and it felt natural to have him walking at her heels.
Boone hadn't strayed far from her side while the group traveled, despite Rex, and she wasn't sure how to feel about it, so she forced herself to feel nothing at all.
They traveled well into the night, setting up camp in one of the more sturdy abandoned buildings along the highway. They're next to some sort of failed molerat ranch, and Camp McCarren looms in the distance closely behind them. The lights of Vegas shine brightly in the Mojave night. Lola can make out the Lucky 38, and the colors of the neon lights of the Strip. She stares at the distant city for a long time, almost fascinated by the colors.
"Carla loved the lights," Boone says so quietly that he might as well have not said anything at all. Lola looks over at him. Shadows dancing across his face, and he looks out the window to the distance lights of Vegas with an expression that makes Lola's heart ache. He looks like a man uneasy with his grief. She swallows, and says,
"I tried to find her." He turns his gaze to her, the sadness gone, and the atomic blast of fear that lights up his face makes her wish she hadn't said anything at all.
"What?" he asks, turning to face her fully. She startles, unconsciously taking a step back when she realizes how close the two of them are. She can feel his breath brush across her cheek.
"At the Fort," she says unsurely. "I asked-" her explanation ends in a gasp as Boone's fingers dig into her upper arms. She falls silent at his touch.
"You didn't," he says, his voice on the edge of blind panic. "Tell me you didn't!"
"I-I just-"
"Damn it! She's dead! Why did you put yourself in danger for that?" He slightly shakes her, his fingers clinging to her as though she would slip through his fingers. She looks at him with a shadowed question across her face.
"Boone, what is it you aren't talking-telling me about your wife?" she asks quietly.
"You got no right asking me that," Boone says, and his voice freezes her in a way the snow of Jacobstown never could. He releases her arms to step away from her.
"I tried to find her," she tries again, rubbing her arms. The absence of the warmth of Boone's hands leaves her skin cold. "She could still be-"
"Drop it," he almost pleads, his voice a harsh whisper.
"Sorry," she says with a wince. "Didn't mean to hit a sour-sore spot." He sighs, his gaze moving back to the faraway lights of Vegas.
"It's just not something I'm ready to talk about," he says finally. "With you or anyone." She nods.
"I'm sorry," she says again, and her voice hangs quietly between them. She reaches for him but he jerks back, and she lets her hand fall to her side. "I just wanted to help." He sighs again, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"I know you did," he says finally. "I know. But it isn't something you can help with."
"How do you know she's dead?" she asks past the lump in her throat.
"I just know," Boone snaps. "And let's leave it at that." He sighs, leaning his elbows on the windowsill. He slumps, like a man weighed down with something he can't carry. She wants to reach out and comfort him, but she knows better. He's completely shut off from her now and so she leaves the room, not looking back as she closes the door behind her.
