I didn't realise it had been that long since I last updated this I am so sorry! But alas I have finally found the motivation to push the story along so I hope you like this chapter and please let me know what you think. (I have also been quite enjoying writing the odd one-shot so if you have any prompts or anything that you would like me to try and write then please send me your suggestions and I will do my best!) Thank you for sticking with me and reading this, it means a lot x
It had been a couple days since Nikki and Jack had taken a test to find out that they were expecting to be parents. Nikki had booked in a scan straight away as they had wanted to be extra certain and to make sure everything was as it should be. They were yet to get around to telling anyone yet. They wanted to put it off till after the 12 week scan but of course there was one person they had to tell before this and that was Jack's father. They knew it would cheer him up and this would be just the news that he would need to hear right now. His chemo had seemed to be going well but they were having to wait to see any actual results from the treatment.
There was one other person they had unintentionally told - or rather she had worked it out when Nikki had asked if her and Jack could have the morning off. Sam hadn't said anything out right but given that she had known Nikki was taking another test and now all of a sudden she was asking for a morning off meant only one thing.
That morning had come around so quickly. They had both woken up earlier than was necessary and had spent the morning trying to make the hours pass by quickly. Jack had made them both breakfast to try and settle their stomachs but neither were quite in the mood to eat anything. Both too eager and too excited.
Nikki glanced at her watch for what must've the hundredth time and found herself breathing a sigh of relief as she realised that it was now a reasonable time for the both of them to set off for the hospital. She looked over at Jack, giving him a little nod before picking up her bag and her coat. Jack shrugged his own jacket on and followed behind Nikki as they made their way to the car.
Traffic had been light so it wasn't long before they were pulling up in the car park outside the hospital. Jack glanced over at Nikki as he switched the engine off, "You ready?"
Nikki shook her head, "No." She was suddenly starting to feel sick, a mixture of excitement and anxiety building up inside her.
Jack reached over the threshold, placing his hand over hers, squeezing it gently to reassure her, "There's nothing to worry about, I'm going to be with you the whole time."
"But what if there's something wrong Jack," she started, the lump in her throat forming. "I'm not exactly in my thirties and you hear all these stories about women my age and I can't help but feel that something isn't right. I mean why was the first test negative?"
"Nikki," he interrupted. "You know as well as I do that sometimes these things happen, sometimes they're wrong. But I promise you, whatever happens in there I am going to be with you every step of the way. You're getting worried over nothing. This is finally our chance to be happy, the two of us. We've had nothing but drama and despair these past couple of years, I think the universe is trying to show us that this is our time. Everything is going to be fine, I promise."
Leaning over, his lips brushed hers briefly. A small smile washed across her face, feeling a little more at ease at Jack's words. Letting her hand slip from under his, she made to leave the car only for her hand to join his again as they headed towards the maternity ward of the hospital. Once she had given her name in, they sat down in the seats to wait for their name to be called. It was quite quiet on the ward but Nikki was watching the woman sat across from her. Her stomach swollen to quite some size but she was sat on her own.
Her heart ached for her, she didn't think she could ever go through this whole thing on her own, no matter how independent she had been for most of her life. It made her wonder if this woman had any family or if she really was on her own. She tightened her hand around Jack's. At least she had him, even if she didn't have anyone else. She would've loved for her mother to be with her right now, sat with her and experiencing this with her. Guiding her, giving her advice, reassuring her. But she supposed she had Jack for that and she wouldn't change that for the world. She rested her head on his arm, wanting to feel as close to him as possible.
Jack's head flicked down to look at her, she had her eyes closed and he could tell that she was still feeling anxious. He couldn't blame her though, he felt as though his nerves had been shot and it didn't help that he'd barely got any sleep last night. This was just the beginning as well. They still had another nine months to go of this. If the sleep was bad now then they were both going to be exhausted for the next couple of years. But he supposed he didn't mind that much, having a child with his best friend and the woman he loved made it all worth while.
Nikki jumped next to him as the midwife called out her name. She felt the adrenaline surge through her as she looked over at Jack, now was the time. Her hand subconsciously fell to rest on her stomach.
"Come on," Jack spoke under his breath. "Let's get in there." He stood up, taking hold of Nikki's hand, pulling her up with him. They stayed close together as they walked with the midwife into the small room.
The midwife asked them both all the basic questions and needs to know, Jack did most of the talking; Nikki finding herself unable to find her voice. Her thumb had been running circles over her stomach, a gesture that hadn't gone unnoticed by the midwife.
"I can see that you're both quite anxious," she spoke softly. "Are there any questions you want to ask me before we get started? Anything you might be worried about?"
Nikki shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not sure," she finally found her voice. "It's just a mixture of everything at the minute. I just want to know if everything's healthy and as it should be."
"Well, there's only way to find out," the midwife smiled. "If you could just lie back on the bed and lift your top up. Now I have to warn you, the gel is quite cold," she chuckled, trying to break the ice in order to make both soon to be parents feel at ease.
Nikki felt the goosebumps erupt all over her skin as she felt the cool liquid come into contact with her skin, she wasn't lying. She reached out for Jack's hand but she didn't have far to look, he was already seeking hers. Their fingers knitted through one another's, holding each other tightly. She held a breath as the midwife placed the scanner on her lower stomach, this was it. She found herself closing her eyes, too scared to look. She just had to hope that Jack was being her eyes.
The silence was deafening and it seemed to go on for ages as the midwife moved the instrument across her abdomen. But eventually she made a noise and Nikki's eyes shot open, looking in the direction of the screen and sure enough there it was. Not that it was much, more like a little blob but it was there and that's all that mattered.
She hadn't even noticed the tears that had slipped down her cheeks until Jack was wiping the back of his hand down her face. She had been so focused on the image on the screen she hadn't even noticed the midwife had asked if she'd wanted to hear the heartbeat. Jack had said yes instantly. It was like music to their ears and the both of them were trying to hold back the sobs. Nikki turned to look at Jack, the expression on his face mirroring hers. She reached out to rest her hand on his cheek, swiping his own tears away.
He leaned forward, capturing her lips with his. He had been right, there was absolutely nothing to worry about. The baby had been perfectly healthy and everything appeared to be in working order. Their midwife ran them through what they were to do next and reassured them if there was anything that either of them needed or if there was ever a question they wanted to be answered then all they had to do was pick up the phone. She handed them the number of the maternity ward, along with two copies of the scan photos.
Jack and Nikki both made their way back out of the hospital, feeling as though a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. Nikki found herself unable to stop looking at the scan photo in front of her as they walked back to the car. Her finger running over their baby, who couldn't have been any bigger than a little bean. She was grinning from ear to ear and she felt as though she was on top of the world.
She looked over at Jack as they sat in the car, his face not too dissimilar from her own as he took the photo from her so he could take a look at it properly. He stared at the image, feeling his heart fluttering. A baby. His baby. Their baby. It was going to take a while before it fully sunk in.
"I still can't believe this is really happening," he breathed. Nikki was leaning over him once again, so she could take another peak at the picture. "It's just all so surreal."
Nikki watched Jack's face, feeling herself welling up at the sight. She had never seen so happy in all the years that she'd known him. He was quite literally glowing and she couldn't help but chuckle. She was meant to be the pregnant one after all, she was meant to be the one that was glowing.
"You know," she started. "If you had told me a couple of months ago that I would be married and expecting a child with my best friend who happens to also be the love of my life, I don't think I would've ever believed you. But I wouldn't change a single thing in the world."
Jack's head turned to face her, "I don't think I would've believed myself either. This really is the best thing that's ever happened to me. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you Nikki, so much."
"I love you too," she smiled, their lips meeting in the middle of the small gap between them. She reluctantly pulled away from him. "I would love to stay her all day, in this little bubble, looking at our little creation. However, I think there is one person that we need to a pay a visit to, don't you think?"
"What do you think he's going to say?" Jack pondered, as he started up the car.
"He's going to be over the moon," she spoke, taking the picture back from Jack and settling into her chair. It wasn't a long journey from the hospital to his father's house but the traffic was starting to pick up now so no doubt it would take them twice as long to get there.
Ten minutes had past and Nikki was still yet to take her eyes off the photo, she still couldn't wrap her head around it. She had always wondered how it would feel, to have a baby a growing inside her, feeding off her at every given moment. She supposed that she wouldn't notice it much for the first couple of weeks but she found herself getting excited about the thought of feeling every little movement. She had dealt with people at the end of their lives for as long as she could remember and now here she was, growing life. It was strange but she was going to do everything in her power to appreciate these moments.
"Boy or a girl?" She broke the silence, clearly pulling Jack from his thoughts which she couldn't help but giggle at.
"Uh not that it really matters but I think I would prefer a boy," Jack said eventually after he mulled over the question for a couple of minutes. "What about you? Girl or boy?"
"As long as it's healthy then I don't really care."
Jack scoffed, "Well that is the better thing to say."
Nikki just rolled her eyes at him. They eventually parked up outside Jack's dads and they were heading into the elevator. Jack's hand had somehow found Nikki's again, it was a gesture that was so part of them now they didn't even realise that they were doing it half the time. As they reached the right floor, they rounded the corner to the flat. Jack was about to put his fist up to knock on the door only to be met by Conor opening the door before he had the chance.
Conor had jumped out of his skin as he eyed up the pair stood in front of him, "What in the hell are you two doing here?" He asked, his accent stronger than usual.
"Hello to you too Da'," Jack laughed. "We wanted to come and see you, that's all."
Conor just sighed, turning around to walk back into his flat, Nikki and Jack following closely behind them. "I was on my way out to buy some milk so you better make this quick," he moaned, guiding them into his living room. He was watching the two of them, they had clearly come here to tell them something. That something he couldn't tell if it was positive or negative, Nikki was fiddling with the photos on the mantelpiece and Jack was shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Come on, spit it out. There's obviously something you want to tell me."
His dad really didn't miss a trick, did he? Jack shared a look with Nikki, giving her a little nod before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the other copy of the scan photo. He handed it to his father, unable to stop the smile returning to his face. His heart was pounding again as his dad glared at the photo, his hand coming to cover his mouth. Nikki's hand had slipped into Jack's, squeezing it. Her own heart racing at the sight
"Well that's uh," Conor stuttered, overwhelmed. "That's wonderful news. Congratulations both of you. And thank you. If there was any motivation for me to get through this whole mess then this is going to be it. I'm not going to let this thing eating me alive stop me from meeting my grandchild."
Jack couldn't help but wince at his father's blunt choice of words, but then he supposed that was just typical of him.
"Come here," Conor directed at Jack as father and son engulfed each other in a hug. "My son's going to be a father, eh? 'Bout time you had started growing up then." He whispered in his ear. Jack just shook his head.
Nikki's eyes were welling up at the interaction in front of her. The tears quickly slipping down her cheeks as Conor was now pulling her into a hug, holding her tight.
"Thank you," Conor let out again. "You've really brought a beacon of light into this family and I will forever be grateful. Grace, Jack's mother and my wife. She would've loved you, I wish you could've met her. She would be so proud if she could see you now Jack."
Nikki wasn't quite sure of what say, Jack had only mentioned his mother twice before. Once when they had been working on that case in Scotland and the other time at Sam's. But even then it had been so brief, she had no idea who she was and what she looked like, he hadn't even shown her a picture. She didn't blame him though, judging by the look on his face presently, it still hurt him. So it was no wonder that he didn't want to talk about her.
"I'm sure she was a wonderful woman," she came up with eventually. "I would've loved to have met her."
"Oh actually, while you're here," Conor started, trailing off as he headed out of the room.
Nikki glanced over at Jack, noticing the unshed tears in his eyes. Reaching out she rested her hand on his arm.
"Are you okay?" She spoke softly.
Jack just nodded. He'd talk to her about it later, that she was sure of. She didn't want to pressure him into talking, he'd come when he was ready. He always did. Although she didn't have much of a chance to think about it as Conor was joining them again, carrying two photo albums and a small box. He handed them to Jack.
"I found these the other day and thought you might want to look over them. They're pictures from when you were younger," he paused, welling up. "Your mother had insisting on documenting everything so everything has a date and an explanation. I hope you enjoy looking through them, I couldn't quite bring myself to do it." Emotions were certainly running high between the three in the room.
"If this baby ends up looking anything like it's father however, then God help us," Conor joked, trying to lighten the mood. Jack had scoffed at him but there was a smile on his face.
Nikki looked down at the watch on her wrist, finding herself quite surprised at the time, "We best get back to work before Sam starts thinking the worst," she interrupted.
Both Jack and Nikki made their goodbyes to Conor, promising that they would visit him again in the week. They eventually made their way back to work only to find out that they hadn't missed out on much. It had been a quiet morning and Sam was quite happy to have had company again.
Nikki sat down at her desk as Jack sat down at his own, preparing to get on with some work. She had been due to carry out a post mortem that afternoon whilst Jack had been scheduled to get on with some paperwork, his favourite part of the job - not.
"So, how did it go?" Sam asked as she walked in. Jack's head snapped up to Nikki's, his brows furrowing, how did she know?
Nikki rolled her eyes at him for the second time that day, he knew that he wasn't being serious and he didn't mind that much but of course she'd have to owe him an explanation later. She pulled her bag out and passed the scan photo over to Sam who just gushed over the two of them and congratulated them endlessly. Of course, the conversation had turned to maternity leave for Nikki and paternity leave for Jack but she had told them not to worry about anything for the moment, they still had another couple of months to sort all that out.
She left them so they could carry on with their work, not wanting to annoy them after what seemed to be quite the hectic and emotional morning.
The day had passed quite quickly as it had turned out and before they knew it they were heading back home. Nikki had felt her stomach grumbling whilst on their drive home so she didn't hesitate to start preparing the pair of them food for their dinner. Jack had brought in the albums and the box, placing them down on the table. His finger ran along the box, coating it in a thick layer of dust. He rubbed his fingers together, sighing.
"How come Sam knew?" He questioned, breaking the silence that had fallen between the two of them.
"She guessed Jack," Nikki turned to face him. "It doesn't take a genius to work it out. Besides, she knew about the first test."
Jack shook his head, smiling at her, "I'm only winding you up." He walked over to her, pecking her on the lips before sitting down at the table. He pulled out the first album, opening it up. He felt his stomach drop, it was a picture of his mother and his father on their wedding day. It was the smartest his dad had ever looked and as for his mother, well she just looked amazing. She had written 'Wedding Day 19.04.72' underneath the photo.
It had been so long since he'd seen a picture of his mother, he'd almost forgotten what she'd looked like. His finger stroked over her writing, tears dripping down his face.
A sniff coming from behind caused Nikki to spin on her heel, her eyes quickly landing on the photo album that was open in front of her husband. She turned the hob down, letting her food simmer as she edged closer to Jack. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, leaning into him, his hand coming to rest on her forearm.
"Is that her?" She asked to which Jack simply nodded. "She's beautiful," she breathed.
The pair of them looked at more of the photos after they had dinner. The photos now spread out over the coffee table in the living room. Nikki sat cross legged on the floor whilst Jack remained sat on the sofa just behind her, looking over her shoulder. They had nearly looked through all the photos at this point but the box stayed sitting there, staring at them, waiting for them to open it up.
Reaching over her, Jack picked it up, taking the lid off and placing it back on the table. Inside was things he could vaguely remember from his childhood and some things he couldn't remember at all. His hospital tag was the first thing he pulled out, his hand running over the words 'Baby Hodgson.' Next was a pair of shoes, he assumed had been his first. He marvelled at how tiny they were and struggled to believe that his feet were ever that small. Next was a yellow blanket which he held up to his nose. Closing his eyes he breathed it in, flashbacks of being a wee boy running through his head. There was a small teddy bear which he couldn't quite remember the name of. But he did remember that he used to take it with him wherever he had went.
What he was wasn't expecting was a letter sitting at the bottom of the box with his name on it. Pulling it out, he recognised the writing as his mothers straight away. He could feel his heart rate picking up, he had never seen this before. But to be honest he had never seen the box either, this was completely unbeknownst to him and he was starting to wonder how his dad was able to hide it from him.
Nikki watched him as he carefully opened up the envelope, revealing another piece of paper inside. Jack pulled it out, his eyes running over the words.
"To my dearest son,
I would hope that your father has given this to you when the time is right. If so, congratulations to the both of you! If not, please tell him that I'm going to kill him, I don't know how but I will find a way."
Jack chuckled at that despite the lump forming in his throat.
"Whoever she is, I hope she is making you the happiest man alive and I really hope she is keeping you in check. I know how stubborn you can be, you got that from me unfortunately. (I hope your father gave you that ring!)
Anyway, this letter should've come with a box with all the little things I kept from when you were younger. Your hospital tag, your first pair of shoes, your favourite blanket that you insisted on carrying with you everywhere. And your bear you always called Ben."
That was it.
"I would hope that you are able to at least pass some of these on to your own child. If not you can look back at them and remember how special you are and how much I love you.
I wish I could've been there on your wedding day, I bet you both looked beautiful. I wish I could've been there for the birth of your first child. But please know that I will be there in spirit and I will never stop watching over you. I will always be there. All you have to do is look up at the stars, close your eyes and I will be there.
I love you so much.
Lots of love, Mother x
P.S Don't forget to check in on your brother from time to time. I know he can be a pain but he means well."
Oh mother you have no idea, he thought to himself. He was choking on the lump in his throat at that point. Nikki was now kneeling, giving her the height so she could pull him into a hug. He sobbed into her neck, her hands stroking the back of his neck. Nikki wasn't sure how long they stayed like that but the tears soon stopped and he was pulling back from her, handing the letter to her so she could read over it as well. She had only read the first couple of words and she was welling up already.
Once she finished reading it, she placed it down on the table and stood up. She took hold of Jack's hand, leading him out to the back garden. It was a clear night and the stars were shining bright. Jack's arms were wrapped around Nikki's shoulders as he hugged her from behind. The two of them looked up at the stars, their eyes closed.
They took a deep breath together before Nikki turned in his arms, facing him. She almost gasped at the white feather that had landed on his shoulder. She plucked it off him, holding it between her fingers.
"Jack, look," she whispered.
Jack opened his eyes, feeling his heart flutter at the feather between her fingers. He took it from her, the tears filling his eyes again. Leaning forward Nikki captured Jack's lips with hers.
