AN- Someone said South Park isn't that dark, when 1. Cartman literally fed his half-brother his parents, 2. Stan literally was depressed and got Assburgers and 3. Kyle killed Jesus. Obvs, they're not a fan.
Anyway...
Kyle
Oh boy. Of course I said the wrong thing. What shocked me in all of it was how Cartman had a girlfriend before me. How the hell did Cartman have a girlfriend before me?
"Heidi, I mainly haven't said a word to you since Cartman and I broke up with you because you called me a dirty Jew. Remember?" I reminded her.
After school, I rode my bike over to the park. I sat there for a while and Stan came up to me.
"Hey, Kyle." Stan said.
"Hey." I said. "Dude, are you following me?" I asked.
"No. Is that my walkman?" He asked.
"Yeah." I said. "I, uh-"
"No sweat." Stan said. "You're listening too, huh? Just be careful while you're riding. You don't want to hurt yourself."
"You're right. Thanks, dude." I said.
I was sitting in the park that Heidi and Cartman sat at together when they were together. I couldn't believe they were so romantic, especially since Cartman was such an asshole. But she told me he was great when they were alone. I wondered if that was really true.
Sure, I was on the tape, but who wouldn't have believed Cartman was Skankhunt24? All the girls accused him of sexually harassing people online, but I should've remembered that Cartman hated sexual harassers, especially since he had helped me when Ike was dating his teacher. They were wrong. And it was my dad. Heidi even quit Twitter because of it. That was the one time Cartman was proven innocent.
Them both not having social media was what had gotten them to connect. They became friends and he told me he saw a vagina. They began a romantic relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend and it made me feel weird.
The tape I was listening to at the moment was about Heidi.
Heidi, I know I used to be nice to you. I never really knew how to be nice but I knew I had to be nice to my girlfriend. Kyle once told me, "That's not being nice. That's just putting on a nice sweater." Because it was just much easier to be offensive, to say whatever I felt or thought. We used to sit at the park and talk for hours but the thing was, I didn't want you to feel bad for me. And I was hurt. I was the victim. I couldn't see past that because that's how people like me work, they never change. Kyle also said that. But you were also the first person who pointed the gun at me. Called me a piece of shit, that it was all my fault. Maybe it was. I did control you. I did manipulate you. But I didn't grab the gun. You also broke up with me. That was the first time I pointed the gun at myself. I made jokes about killing myself before, sure, but when no one chanted that they didn't want me dead? I even said, "I will kill myself," but did anyone care? No, they just cared more about the president.
Stan sat on the bench with me then.
"Who's tape are you reading?" He asked.
"The one where he talks about Heidi."I said.
"Oh boy." He said. "Dude, I really wasn't expecting Heidi to pull the gun on Cartman like that, even if he was a piece of shit."
"So, you don't miss Cartman at all, Stan?" I asked.
"Honestly, dude, I'm surprised you do." He said. "Night, Kyle. Take care of yourself."
Then he walked away and I was left alone in the park with Cartman's tapes.
