The rest of the journey to Q'oor was mostly uneventful, and the negotiations themselves were highly successful. Much to the chagrin of Count Dooku and his blockade, the Q'oor system agreed to join the Republic and accept protection from the Republic's Clone Army. Senator Amidala's work was done, and she was sent home again.
Despite the happy ending to the mission, Obi-Wan could not shake a niggling bad feeling. The mission went well, and Padme was still full of unease. It was impossible for him to ignore her, try as he might. If she was fretful, so was he. But why was she? And what had those words meant in that dream?
Don't let go. Don't let me slip away.
They landed back on the same moss-covered landing pad at Theed in the morning, birds singing in all directions, their ship a little worse than when it landed here last time. It was now pocked with burn marks and streaks of turbolaser fire. The two Jedi and two droids followed Padme as she walked down the ramp and into the sunlight. The Jedi had since removed their armor.
"I can't thank you both enough for getting me to Q'oor," she looked to them both, a beautiful though diplomatic smile on her face. "Thank you, my Jedi protectors."
"We are only happy to serve, Milady," Obi-Wan returned the smile.
"Would you be able to stay for dinner?" she looked between them, cautious not to let her gaze linger on one more than the other. "Or will the council be pulling you away again to some other peril?"
"No peril," Anakin answered a little too quickly. "We have nowhere to be."
"We must report to the Jedi council," Obi-Wan calmly pointed out, casting a reminding glance to Anakin.
"We can transmit the report, they don't need it in person," Anakin countered. "Besides… Our ship's been pretty badly damaged… it'll take me at least a day to repair it."
Obi-Wan knew as well as he did it would take him all but an hour to fix whatever minor damage they had sustained. Rather than pointing that out, however, Obi-Wan followed his own motives in playing along. "Oh… Well, in that case, it seems as though we have no choice but to stay at least as late as dinner."
Padme almost laughed, and instead pressed her lips together. "I promise I won't keep you a moment longer."
She took out her commlink to call Captain Typho to send a speeder to come and get her.
"I suppose I should get to work then," Anakin acted resigned to his fate, though he was more than pleased. "Come on, Artoo. I'll need your help assessing the damage…" He ascended back up the ramp and into the ship, the astromech droid whistling along at his heels.
That left Obi-Wan standing beside C3PO. He took this moment of silence to contemplate. That ominous feeling had not gone away. Especially with Padme's silence as she looked off towards the scenery of Naboo. She was tense, like someone on the brink of a scream or tears.
He needed to test the water without being indecorous. "He's very pleased to see you," he said quietly.
She looked curiously to him. So he elaborated.
"Anakin."
The name made her shudder. Not physically, but in defensive ripples in the life force around her. For being so in love, the young Jedi made her anxious. That was all Obi-Wan needed to know.
"I'm always pleased to see him too," she said simply, and he could sense there was truth in it.
Something was wrong and this was no place to speak about it. So he affected his usual friendly, but neutral air with a polite smile. "I'm about as useful here in repairing a ship as a protocol droid…" he glanced to C3PO. "May I accompany you, Senator?"
She smiled, this time it was genuine. "Of course, Master Kenobi."
The speeder was approaching and the sound of its engine drew Anakin back out onto the ramp, a grease rag in his hand, a plasma tool in the other. Obi-Wan looked up at him from the bottom of the ramp.
"Well?"
"Just as I thought, Master, it will take a least a day…"
"Oh, that is too bad…" Obi-Wan tsked. "Keep me updated on the repairs, please…"
"Of course… Wait, where are you going?"
The speeder had arrived and Obi-Wan was carrying Padme's bag towards it. He paused and looked to Anakin. "I won't be of any use here, will I?"
"No, you usually aren't… But what use is there for you to go with the Senator?"
"Are you saying you can't handle being on your own?"
He could feel his apprentice bristling to be left behind.
"I just don't see why you get to go," Anakin said stiffly.
"I lack your skill and expertise…" Obi-Wan held his casual air, but he wasn't ignoring the agitation that was prickling the air around Anakin. "Don't worry, my friend, you'll be called for dinner."
Anakin couldn't argue. It wasn't unusual for Obi-Wan to end up indoors and comfortable for the sake of diplomacy while his former padawan did the dirty work. That was often their preferred way, Anakin was not happy if he was not busy. But it was strikingly different with Padme involved.
Padme didn't have a home or an apartment of her own at Naboo, not beyond her childhood home with her parents or their lake house, which was often unoccupied. It was where she often went, to be out of the crowds of the capital.
Such official positions as a senator kept her busy and away. Often her duty felt like an escape from other things… It felt like an escape from Anakin. But why should she feel that way towards the man she agreed to marry with hardly a second thought? Because she knew that every time he looked at her, she could not stay away from him.
So when Obi-Wan asked to accompany her, she felt relieved for the first time since this mission started. It finally seemed as though her old friend wasn't avoiding her. Maybe they would still be friends, as he promised her they would.
The speeder took them as far as the dock, where they were required to take a gondola across the lake to get to the house. Once there, Obi-Wan carried her bag still. She couldn't help glancing to him as they wended their way into the ornate building. This was her favorite place to escape the world, but it had been shaded with her history here with Anakin. Obi-Wan quietly admired the place, but did not have any particular interest in anything. That was typical of the Jedi master, mild interest in everything, fascination with nothing. When they reached the foyer, Threepio took her bag and shuffled away to dispose of it in her room.
The staff at this house was minimal, only about a dozen to take care of the upkeep of the place, with a handful of droids to help. There was no missing the curious looks on their faces when a new Jedi was stepping onto the premises. Padme didn't want to think about the gossip that probably churned here ever since Anakin's stay.
One of the staff, Firo, approached, her hands clasped attentively. "Is there anything I can get you, milady?"
"Can you bring some wine?"
Firo bowed and swept out of the room.
Obi-Wan slipped his hands into his sleeves. "Wine in the morning?"
"I could use it," she admitted quietly. "I'd like to go get refreshed. You're welcome to make yourself comfortable, Master Kenobi…"
It felt unnatural to not call him Obi-Wan, but she remained guarded. Before he could reply she was already escaping to her room to change into one of her dresses and out of her field costume. She opted for something loose, but elegant, the only bare skin showing was her shoulders, everything else draped in turquoise and red. She kept her hair down, save for some loose strands pulled back and wound into an onyx clamp.
It took her half an hour to change and she found Obi-Wan at the balcony, the glass of red wine in his hand. She never did see him refuse a drink. Firo was there, holding a tray with another glass and a bottle. She handed Padme her own glass and slipped away, leaving Padme alone with Obi-Wan. He wasn't looking, so she stole the moment to swallow down half of her glass in a less-than-ladylike way.
They were quiet, listening to the birds and the distant hush of the lake shore, the rustle of the breeze in the wind. This was the spot where she had married Anakin, where life as she had known it ended, where she had betrayed herself and Obi-Wan without understanding why. Her throat felt tight.
Obi-Wan finally turned and looked at her, his eyes soft, but concerned. "I hope we can finally talk…"
Talk about what though? There were a million things to be said between them, and she didn't know what the least painful was.
"Of course…" she was a little breathless.
He set his glass atop the stone parapet of the balcony, turning his whole body to face her now. "I have sensed that you are uneasy. I want you to know, that… It's alright for you to love someone else. I couldn't bear it if you felt any shame or sense of wrongdoing just because you and I were once—"
Her breath hitched as she waited for him to put a label to it.
"—well, anyway, I was the one who pushed you away and made the choice. All I want is your happiness, Padme…"
He spoke so calm, so level, even with such guilt and worry in his eyes. He could see through her so easily, and yet there was so much more that was invisible, even to her.
"And…." He continued, breaking the heavy silence. "And I know it's Anakin. It's alright."
Was he trying to give his blessing? The stupid girl in her wanted to see him jealous, to have him fight for her. She never could ask to be rescued. But then…. Why did she need to be rescued? Anakin loved her, and she cared about him. That was a good thing, wasn't it? The confusion was festering inside again.
"Padme… What's wrong?"
He inched towards her, his voice gentle. She realized she hadn't said a word.
"I'm frightened," that was the only thing she understood, and to say it made her tremble.
"Of what?"
"Of… Anakin. My feelings for him…"
He inhaled slowly and nodded. It was as if he was accepting a death sentence with his usual aplomb.
"I don't love him."
The defeat on his face blended into confusion, but he didn't interrupt, which she was grateful for. It was difficult enough as it was to form clear thoughts on this, to admit a truth she could barely grab onto.
"I care about him, Obi-Wan… I always have, and I think I always will. But I don't love him."
Saying it out loud was agonizing, but the weight was lifting off her heart to be able to say it—to be able to understand it.
"Oh, Obi-Wan…" her chest hurt. "I'm a terrible person! He loves me with all of his being, and I've said it back to him. I meant it when I said it, but right now… I'm afraid to be near him. I'm afraid of how much he loves me."
Obi-Wan showed no reaction to what she was saying, aside from the small parting of his lips and the deep crease of a frown.
"When I'm with him, I'm afraid that I can't give back what he gives me. But then… I feel so differently. When I'm with him I'm myself, but nothing else matters, I don't want to say no… When I'm away from him, it's like I'm suddenly sober…"
Still, Obi-Wan said nothing, and she fought back tears.
"I'm not making any sense, I know…. I'm so ashamed, I just… I don't understand what's wrong with me…" She dropped her gaze. She couldn't bear looking into his neutral face any longer. It was like looking into a mirror that reflected back how rotten she was.
Then his hand closed around hers, prying the glass from her grip and setting it aside. He pulled her against him. She shrank into his arms, burying her face into that heavy cloak. Only now did she realize that she didn't need him to respond, she needed to be held. He didn't hate her, she felt it and she was finally safe. At last the tears flowed and she couldn't stop them. All the confusion and fear of these past months finally reared their ugly head.
"Everything will be all right, Padme…" his voice was low and soothing.
She had faith in his words, but she didn't know how to believe him.
"I fear there is more happening here than we realize…" his tone sounded graver now.
More? She reluctantly pulled away from him so that she could see his face. "What do you mean?"
Suddenly he lifted his head and stepped away from her, the breeze from the lake passing between them and making her shudder.
"I left Artoo back at the ship to run diagnostics…"
She heard Anakin before she saw him, and she immediately understood why Obi-Wan pulled away. She turned her back towards her husband to wipe her eyes and cheeks, pretending she was just reaching for her glass.
Anakin stopped beside them, and when she looked at him his eyes were on her with worry. He could always sense when something was wrong, the pitfall of being involved with a Jedi.
"Did I miss something?" he looked to Obi-Wan now.
"Politics," Obi-Wan picked up his half empty glass of wine and put it into Anakin's hand. "If you will excuse me, Senator… I must send my report to the Jedi Council." He gave a charming smile and walked away.
He just left her alone with Anakin. She somehow felt betrayed, even though there was no danger here. Anakin, as always, did a passable job acting indifferent towards her, up until they were alone. One glance over his shoulder and he moved in, slipping his arm around her waist and pulling her in tight.
Of course Obi-Wan intended to send his report to the council, but that could wait a moment longer. When he left Anakin with Padme on the balcony, he did not go much further. There was a prime spot beside the terrace doors where there was a pillar and some curtains and he easily slipped among them. He was adept at closing himself off from the Force, just enough to make him difficult to sense, especially when someone was distracted… As Anakin was now. He could see them through the glass, and Anakin wasted no time in taking her in his arms.
It made Obi-Wan's jaw tighten painfully. It wasn't his place to get jealous. Jealousy was the shadow of greed. Greed meant he claimed possession of her. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to claim ownership of her—especially himself.
The breeze from the lake easily carried their hushed voices towards him.
"Not here…." Her voice shook.
"No one will see…" Anakin said against her lips and kissed her.
She halfheartedly returned the kiss, her shoulders raised with obvious discomfort.
"Padme, are you alright?" Anakin asked more seriously this time, looking her in the eye. "Something's wrong… You're trembling."
"Because I'm afraid…"
"Of what? Did Obi-Wan say something?" It was only then that he looked to the glass of wine that his master had handed him, then the one in her hand. "What were you two talking about?"
There was a sharp edge in his tone, one that was tinged with suspicion.
"Nothing," her voice rattled with the lie. "I'm scared about us, Ani…"
He sighed and smiled as if he had heard this a thousand times. "We'll be fine, my love. Nothing can come between us…"
"But how can we be doing the right thing? All we do is lie and hide…"
"Because we love each other," he said simply. "Because I would die without you, Padme. Without you… Nothing matters."
"That's just not true, Anakin," she was shaking her head at him. "You have the Jedi Order, and—"
"And you're a senator, I know…" he huffed. "I promise you, Padme… There's nothing to be afraid of."
He kissed her again, and Obi-Wan felt a flash of fire up his spine. It took a lifetime of training to push it down.
"Will you wait for me tonight? After dinner?" He kissed her. This time she didn't fight it.
"I… I don't know… It's too dangerous…"
"I've missed you, Padme… You've missed me too, haven't you?"
"Of course…"
"Then wait for me tonight…"
"I'll be waiting."
They looked into each other's eyes and Obi-Wan sensed her fear dissipating. It was subtle, so subtle that it was easily explained away, except that Obi-Wan was reaching out for something very specific and there it was. The Force was flowing from Anakin, almost imperceptibly, and Obi-Wan felt it as sure as a string on a puppet's arm. The Force came so naturally to Anakin, he was not even aware of his control of it.
It made sense of what Padme was trying to explain to him, but she did not understand enough to describe. Anakin, in his own intense love for Padme, swayed her into thinking she felt the same. Neither of them were aware of it. And Obi-Wan, equally oblivious, had been letting it happen.
