Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World or any of the characters

Hey lovlies! Those comments were soooo sweet :D. Thank you guys. Feel free to give me your opinions whether their super sweet or just plain fucked up, either way it motivates me.

Okay, that's it! Enjoy!

~Geni

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Maya's POV

Have you ever had that person, you would do absolutely anything for? Make yourself look like an idiot, just to impress them. Would give up your Everything; your whole world for them, when they wouldn't sacrifice an hour of theirs for you?

He was sinfully alluring in every possible than beautiful. More than amazing. He was everything I always wanted to be apart of. He was love. Of course he hadn't always been a teenaged girl's wet dream come to life.

He was lanky as a kid. Lips too big for his face, long shaggy hair, braces. Once he turned thirteen, he built up muscle and got a haircut, his lips started to look more natural, and got his braces removed. But how he looked was really just a perk. It didn't really matter to me how he wore his hair, or what color his bennie was. I knew him before he was thirteen. Before he became 'The Joshua Matthews'.

It was how he ditched his friends to play hide and go seek with me and Riley when we were eight and he was eleven. How family always came first for him. How when he loved, it was overwhelming. How he made you feel as if every second in life happened in order for your eyes to meet...There was so many things that resulted in my immutable love for Joshua Matthews. To even attempt at listing them all would be pointless. I loved him. That simple.

I knew I was in love with him when I was seven years old. I don't remember exactly when it was I fell in love with him. I just remember waking up one morning and… knowing.

It felt like I was being dropped from a plane. His eyes, his breath, his words… They were my parachute. The way he made me feel was what kept me from hitting the ground. The thing was… Everything he did made me feel. I just never anticipated that, that would be what hurled me down to the pavement

So many damn things made that man my largest weakness. (A/N: Hehe, they're each other's weaknesses)But there was only one thing that made him my biggest mistake.

The last time I saw Joshua Matthews, he ripped my heart right out from my chest. He took a piece of myself I can never get back….He took that feeling away. Took away my ability to fly, and I was left to recover, drowning in my own pool of blood, as I attempted to treat my wounds.

And for the actual first time; the way he made me feel didn't result in my impossible flight, it ended with my meeting of the rough sidewalk.

But I was to blame. He warned me from the beginning. He told me from the start that it just wouldn't happened. It was never really about the age difference. It was because of me. Because I wasn't what he wanted, despite him being the only thing I did want.

After graduation my goal in life was to avoid the mistakes I committed in high school.

I threw myself into collage. Into my art. And I found solace in them.

There wasn't anyone I could turn to. So I turned to, well… me. I had no one who knew what it felt like to be irrevocably in love with someone who could hardly tolerate you.

I never told Riley about my and Josh's kiss. Or what he said to me that day. I rejected the whole subject of Josh Matthews in general. I avoided hearing his name, as well as I refrained from saying it. I spent the last three and a half years trying to force myself to hate him. But I know I can't blame him for not wanting me. And I can't turn his family against him for telling me the truth. But despite all of that, despite the fact that it wasn't his fault, it still hurt like hell.

And besides all of these things! My stomach still flips at the possibility of seeing him in seven short hours. Knowing we'll be in the same room, after so many years of meticulously avoiding one another.

My cheeks still turn pink as I remember that kiss. And all the pain and longing rushes over me. Engulfing me like a long lost friend. Feeling the tears graze my eyes I shut them tightly, willing them not to exist.

And the guilt in my heart twists wretchedly as I hold his hand. Knowing with all certainty it would never feel as amazing as it would be if Josh were the one holding onto me. I know I can never love another person to that extent. Anyone. Even Josh Matthews.

There wasn't enough left in me to love him or anyone like that ever again.

{}

Next day

I had forgotten how absolutely fucking amazing the guest bed was. I spent most breaks here, much like Riley, but for the last three breaks Josh has been coming to spend the free days off from school with his older brother and his family, so naturally, I spent my last few breaks talking to mom and Shawn on the phone, as well as texting Riley, (in another attempt at avoiding someone who probably doesn't even want to talk to me anyway) and painting my life away until classes started up again.

But God this thing was like a cloud.

I groaned loudly, looking at the clock on the nightstand.

9:27 stared back at me in block red characters.

"Hey, Gorgeous"

I jumped up quickly, throwing a hand to my heart. My eyes meeting the eyes of the first man I ever loved. My heart sped up, at a rate that was define try not healthy.

"What are you doing here, Josh?" He bit his lip in a way, that had it been three years ago I would've jumped on his back at the sight of it.

"I, um. I...um" his eyes never left mine and I felt exposed under his gaze.

God, what is he doing to me?

"Josh..." He cleared his throat, looking down to study his worn out chucks, "Riley said you were coming down, and I..." He breathed harshly looking back up at me with some kind of desperation. " Riley said you came into town and I... wanted to see you" He admitted honestly.

I let go of the breath I wasn't aware I was holding. "Well, you saw me." I said curtly. Pulling the covers off of me and going to open the door. "Goodbye"

"Wait! Maya, please. Just... talk with me."

I kept my eyes trained on the doorknob, despite the aching want in me to look into his clear hazel orbs.

"Look at me! Please! I'm sorry, okay? How many years are gonna pass before I'm allowed to have you in my life again?" The desperate look back in his eyes, creeping through his voice.

I felt my eyes flash fiercely. "You had plenty of opportunities to have me be apart of your life, Joshua Matthews! How dare you? I'll take how many years I damn well please"

He walked closer to me, wavering as he took the first glimpse of my attire, or more like my lack there of. Standing in all my 5"2 height, in my plain wife beater and my underwear.

"Josh, we can never be how we used to." My voice much more calm." There can't be any sort of relationship with me."

It's just too hard... Hurts too much.

"We're both better off this way" His head jerked to the right.

"I'm so sorry, Maya. I-"

"All you did was tell me the truth, Josh. That hardly merits penalization" I interrupted.

"I didn't mean to say all those things to you, Maya..." He started, shaking his head searching for the right words. " My intentions were good, I swear. I just wanted what was best for you. You were so infatuated, you were clouding your own judgment-" I shook my head in disbelief, staring at him despite myself. How dare he?!

HOW FUCKING DARE HE!

Josh never was able to understand the extent-the weight- of affections I had held for him. And there was nothing that pissed me off more than when someone underestimated anything about me. Especially the unwavering feeling I had for the man in front of me. Be it hate or love. I felt with every ounce of soul I had in me... He never understood that... And he never would.

He'd never understand me.

My heart, locked in its steel box within my chest, yelled in agony and frustration. Knowing it took effort to understand another. Knowing he never tried to.

And I exploded.

"Fuck you, Joshua Matthews. Fuck you and your morals." I moved closer to him not caring that all I had on was an oversized wife beater that barely covered my ass. He continued to underplay my affections. Continued to see me as so naive I can't tell the difference between love and a crush.

"You destroyed me that day, Josh! You held my heart in your hands, you saw how damaged it was as it is, and decided to screw it all to hell and destroy me. But no, you "had good intentions". You're not my father, Josh. You have no say in my decisions or in my judgment. Hell, he doesn't either. Last time I fucking check my name was Maya Hart, not my father, not your brother, not Riley. No one else. Me. Certainly not you!" My tears fell effortlessly as my tattered heart pounded in its confinements, breaking free. Letting me bleed. Showing him what he did.

"I loved you!" I yelled with everything left inside me. And I didn't stop. "So fucking much, it hurt to breathe. My world revolved around every word you every fucking said! And time after time you would look me in the eyes and tell me that it wasn't real. That I was delusional." My eyes were glued to his. And I refused to look away. "Was I imagining every night I stared out the window sobbing my heart out because the man who I would have killed for, hated me! Thought me pathetic." I spat. "Did I imagine, yelling at God for not taking away the pain, for having me be so in love with a man so completely blind, he let me go? A man who wouldn't care about me if I were dying right there in front of him. Cause I was being murder by the words you threw my way, Josh." My voice came lower now. Broken. "And you stood there, watching as my world fell apart at your hands."

"Maya, don't say that! I do care, so mu-"

"Get out" I whispered. The water in his eyes became much more apparent as he reached out for my hands. Clasping them in his.

"No! Please. Please, Maya. No. It hurts t-"

His tears now freely flowing down his face.

"Go to hell" I said darkly. He knew nothing of the pain I went through. That hurt too much.

He didn't move. Standing there staring at me helplessly.

"GET OUT,JOSH! GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT" I shouted as I shoved him out of the room. Locking the door in front of me before my legs gave up from under me. My sobs becoming louder and louder as the seconds moved on, probably carrying all throughout the old Manhattan apartment.

Guilt twisted its way into my stomach once again. What if they take my side. Riley will. I know that for sure, but what about everyone else? I can't let this wonderful family drift or waver because of me... I don't know what to do. What to say. I'm gonna walk out into a room of people who I have known them to be my family, with curious gazes and questions, that when answered, make them choose between blood or... me.

What am I going to do?