Hello lovelies. Did you miss me?

As promised this chapter is The big Joshaya date chapter you have all been waiting for.

Now, I have an announcement to make. My best friend was taking a look at this chapter and she convinced me to let you guys know what the end game was, so that there was no confusion. Also a comment from the last chapter really caught my attention and gave me a bit of perspective.

So I decided to let you guys know that Josh And Maya are indeed the end game! Everything between Zay and Maya is just drive for Joshaya.

Now Zay is apart of this chapter but just as support for Maya so no one worry.

This chapter kind of got away from, sort if making it up as I went. I want expecting it to be this long but one moment it was 4,000 words then the next it was somewhere in the 12,000s. Please comment and tell me what you think.

So, without further adieu; Enjoy chapter 12!

What am I doing? What am I doing? What the hell am I doing!?

Okay, okay, okay. I need to calm down. Freaking out is not going to make your situation any better, Maya.

I scold myself relentlessly while the silence blankets the air surrounding Josh and I.

Looking down I ignore the prominent blush painting my face red. Cursing my heart for racing so strongly, chasing after my sanity, most likely.

All because of Josh's large dark eyes traces every line of an ancient sketch among the gallery of my rough drafts.

"Wow, Gorgeous" He praises,sounding winded. Lips parted slightly, a long slim finger traces every loop in the drawn ocean. I lick my lips slowly, staring at the sinfully beautiful man in front of me.

"Wow" Josh repeats, this time to himself.

His voice sends a jolt of electricity straight down my spine. I go rigid instantly, suddenly hyper aware of the heat radiating off Josh's shoulders. The softness of the atmosphere somehow drowning me in my uncertainty. Breathing as quietly as I possibly can, I resume berating myself for being unprepared for a trip I set up! The long awkward ride of avoiding feelings and biting back pain lies over our heads loudly. Braced for the possible war between misery and desire.

"Hope you cleared your whole day, we won't be back before Dark. Is that okay?" I discuss worried, this may not work. I probably should have asked before, but I just knew if I didn't take the plunge I would find a way to back out before we got within ten feet of the station.

"No, yeah. That fine, I'm free, and no one is expecting me back any time soon. So, yeah. It's okay."

"Okay. Good"

"Good" He smirks, returning his gaze to my art.

Releasing a shuddering breath, I send a silent prayer to the heavens; begging for that everything goes alright.

I can't believe I let Zay talk me into this…

FLASHBACK

"Babe?" Zay's grougy tenor grumbles past the bathroom door. Droopy eyes full of concern.

Maya smacks a pale hand to her chest,frightened. The art student releases a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes tightly, silently praying Josh can't hear.

The young blonde contemplates just ending the call then,but the thought of saying goodbye leaves a bitter taste on her tongue.

"It's almost 3am. Come back to bed, Curly" Zay continued before Maya could reply. The sleep evident in his rough gravelly tone, hid the budding anxiety manifesting within the boys chest, "You can be mad at me in the morning" Zay adds.

Muted brown eyes watch the door as if it personally offended him. Waiting nervously for his best friend to emerge.

In the bathroom, Maya bites her bottom lip ruefully, mumbling her goodbyes, followed by a silent tap to her phone, Maya ends her call. Ignoring the ever present ache that always came with all things Josh. A sane voice buried somewhere within her heart warns her to press end before his tantalising voice spoke words destined to keep her listening.

Hands shaking with adrenaline, she wonders what on earth she's doing. Fear joins the voice, the familiar feeling of falling into the idea of Josh Matthews too good and so easy to embrace. It takes all but her life to hold back the strange mix of emotions. All the pain he has inflicted and all the harm he has the potential to add forgotten past the exhilarating feeling he still has the power to drown her in.

Just barely hearing the "Sweet dreams" her first love muttered softly. Maya's breath hitches quietly, as the urge to call back approaches the forefront of her mind. Teeth bearing down more firmly nearly drawing blood from her abused lip, she wills herself not to fall for the idea of 'Later'.

Rising from the edge of the porcelain tub she patles to the door.

"Sorry, Zay. I didn't mean to wake you…" Without meeting his eyes, she speaks fluidly. Making her way to her side of the bed. Maya pauses for a moment, the deep seeded desire to tell Zay about the conversation with Josh beating on her like a drum. Yet, the recent hostility hosted by the two males made her hesitate. Not wanting to start trouble, she holds her tongue.

"Maya, are you still mad about tonight?" Zay asked. Noticing the pinched look married to pale skin.

Maya rolled her eyes, "Zay, you apologized like twelve times before we even made it home. I told you, you're forgiven. Let it rest"

Zay shook his head. Guilt weighing his shoulder down to a slight hunch. Cautiously walking to the blonde, he continues, "I promised before you left Cali and before I decided to come here that if I did in fact come, I wouldn't start anything with Josh. And I completely ignored that tonight. I tried to get under his skin and reacted when he did the same. It was a dick move, blondie. I'm so-"

"Don't!" Maya interrupts, raising a hand to silence her friend. Voice laced deep with understanding.

"It's fine, Z. I promise."

Smiling timidly he leans down laying a soft kiss to her temple.

Turning, Zay pulls back the covers, moving to lay back down. Patiently, he looks at May, allowing the silence to engulf the reminds her of the nights spent in their individual dorm rooms, then their shared California apartment. Fighting the stressful school year by babbling about their fears and their dreams while watching trash T.V. Taking solace in one another like they could no one else. Because there was no one else. Never keeping a secret and never staying silent for long.

"Josh just called me!" Maya blurts out.

"Oh?" Zay exclaims in surprise.

"Well technically I called him, but he texted me first"

"Okay… Want to talk about it?" The boy says easily, without a second thought. Sensing Maya's discomfort, he advances from the bed to tend to his friend.

Inhaling a trembling breath, Maya whispers more to herself than to Zay,

"Desperately"

Maya goes into great detail, recounting the events of the previous evening. Going as far as to mention the wager she lost explicitly as well as how there was a nagging suspicion she held against herself suggesting she may have done it on purpose. Zay listens intently nodding and 'ahuh-ing' in the necessary instances. Offering his two cents where it is due.

The pair move to the Matthews kitchen while Maya continues her tale. Laughing together as she tells him about her throwing the basketballs at the older boys' and the cheers she made.

Zay helps them to a serving of tea as she spirals into a speculative tandem on her 'disintegrating sanity', as she eloquently proposed.

"I just… I don't know what to do." she sighs exasperated.

Having migrated to the couch, Zay swiftly removes the ceramic mug from her nimble fingers before pulling her to his side and leaning back comfortably into the cushions. Rubbing a large hand up and down the side of her shoulders, Maya allows herself to be comforted.

"Do you want to know what my advice is?" He asks, the silence hanging heavy in the air.

Maya shrugs, "sure"

"Thanks for the enthusiasm, Curly" Zay rolls his eyes, pulling away from his best friend in order to look into her eyes.

"No, but, seriously. I think you should go" He announces slowly.

Furrowing her eyebrows in confusion Maya stares at the dark skinned boy. "W-what? What about you?"

"What about me, Maya? Why shouldn't you go on a date with him when you clearly want to, M?" He exclaims. "Huh?"

Opening and closing her mouth a handful of times, Maya sighs deeply.

"I...I feel dirty, Zay…" Sad blue eyes hesitate before they raise to look up at her friend.

"Like a whore" Voice cracking at the pain she can no longer mask with anxiety.

Her own self disgust, established so a parent, Zay winders how he could have missed it.

The horror-struck expression on the face of her friend, feels like a slap to her own. Guilt settles low in her belly like a virus making love violently to the shame flowing her veins.

"W-wha. why?" Zay stutters stunned. Knowing Maya thought such blasphemous things about herself not sitting well with the brown eyed boy.

"Zay," She began, turning fully to look at him. "This boy tore me apart. Chased me away from my family and turned me into an insecure mess of a person. But now…" Maya eyes flutter shut. Josh's chiseled face smiling back at her. Cheeks flushed with laughter as he looked at her in a way he had always managed to convince her was wishful thinking all those years ago. A look normally wiped away bitterly the moment he noticed she saw. As if it were wrong… because it was wrong. To Josh it always had been. Still the effects of years of rejection made her wary of all relationships romantic or otherwise, still, the words from her first day back echoed in the dark corners of her mind, "I didn't mean to say all those things to you, Maya…"

"It's so easy, Zay" She whispers, blinking back tears.

"What is, sweetie?"

"To fall back into him! To forget everything he did. To behave like some tramp." The blonde shakes her head incredulously.

"Stop!" Zay explodes, causing them both to go silent.

Glancing towards the bedrooms they check to see if anyone was woken up by his outrage.

Zay takes a deep breath, turning back to the blondes sad blue eyes.

"Stop talking about yourself like that, Maya."

"Zay! It's true!" She whisper shouts, fighting back the tears.

"There's no two ways about it. I'm off gallafranting with the man who broke my heart. Being angry as I should one moment than a love sick teenager the next. All while he thinks that I'm dating you. I haven't corrected him, Zay. I'm letting him believe that you and I are in a relationship, while he…" Maya pauses, screwing her eyes tightly, "And now I'm just rubbing my feelings about Josh in your face" cradling her face in her hands she presses her lips together painfully. "I'm so sorry, Z" she cries.

"Maya, you are my best friend. You understand that, right?" Zay asks gently.

Maya shrugs not meeting the brunets eyes.

"You and I are not boyfriend and girlfriend. So stop feeling as if you're cheating me somehow. I knew from the get-go how you feel about Josh. You made it abundantly clear that you have always loved that guy and there isn't a damn thing wrong with loving someone even if they are an idiot... I knew, Maya. I've always known. So stop acting like you're a bad person for feeling something you can't control!" He pulls the smaller girl into a hug, squeezing tightly.

Assuring her with this small gesture that he has her back. That he loves her more than just how a man loves a woman, but as family. And that she can always come to him no matter what(or who) it is about.

With another kiss placed on the nest of wild blonde hair he shows her that he genuinely doesn't care if she ever decides to be with him, as long as they are always friends in the end.

Maya wraps her arms around his middle, laying back into the couch in silence. They both pay no attention to the wetness seeping into the boys shirt.

"I know I joke or flirt a lot and that we've kissed a couple of times, but I'm always aware of what's going on. Okay? You're not playing me."

"And You'll never know if you're over it if you don't try to find out, Curly."

Without moving from the crook of Zays' shoulder, she speaks against the boy, "So you think I should go?"

"Yes. I do. Somewhere away from everyone. Where you won't run into any of us… Somewhere you won't mind sharing…"

The duo sit in silence for a long time, neither one speaking as they watch the sun rise.

"I'm sorry, Zay." Maya finally says.

Frowning the dark skinned student, turns, "Why?"

"About Me. And for falling for the wrong guy… I'm sorry you feel for a girl like me."

Meeting tortured curlene eyes, he scoffs tightly.

Almost angrily he stands to look down on her, "Maya I don't think that you are grasping the fact that it. Is. Okay."

"What is?" She asks with a sigh.

"You don't have to love me, Maya…" Brown bores into deep blue. Trying best he can to convey the truth.

"I love enough for the both of us." He repeats as he has before. Bending to take hold of her hand, Zay drags her to a standing position. Without another word she understands for the first time, that he doesn't mean romantically. He means in general.

"Now let's get to bed. You can get a whole whopping three hours of sleep!" Zay mocks enthusiastically.

Cracking, a small smile, Maya shoves him away "Fuck you, jerk"

Chuckling he migrates back into bed. "You sure you don't want me to go with you to get Sarah?"

"No. That's alright. Riley and I are going to end up monopolizing all her time and just ignoring you, anyway."

Maya smiles brightly, clearly excited. It's not lost on Zay. The importance of this unknown cousin clear on Maya's face.

"I can't wait to meet her" he says sweetly, nearly collapsing onto his pillow, "Now go to sleep, Blondie. Don't forget what I told you… And Maya?"

"Yeah, Z" She answers sleepily.

"Maybe you're just scared of what Josh could mean for you. And I don't want to be an excuse for you. I don't want you to ever settle when you could have more…"

END FLASHBACK

When you love someone so deeply they become your life, it is so easy to surrender to all the overwhelming insecurities screaming that your not worth it.

Josh had spent years screaming along that voice inside my head. Agreeing with every rejection and dismissal of my affection, but I loved him so much I silenced them both…

Trying to take what I wanted, thinking that if I put in just enough effort it would be so clear to him and that venomous voice, that the way I felt wasn't in vain. That it meant more… was worth more.

Now though, I realize what I've really needed was for someone to love me enough to match my efforts.

Josh is so beautiful. He really has no Idea the effect he has on me. The way he leans in no matter what I say. Laughs at my obsessive fangirl-ness. And makes me feel things. Things I wish I didn't feel, but it's just so good. It's almost as if I never left.

That's the problem!

We are cramped on this freezing train, sat beside this set of negligent snobs and their litter of children. Squealing and fighting while their parents are at each other throats.

Still, Josh doesn't even flinch. Just asked me about Sarah and what we had done yesterday. Chiming in with stories of his own. Being the perfect gentleman. Even going as far as playing a bit with the kids.

But all that I wanted to do is bury myself in that leather and pine scent that was all Josh, and confess to him, that I could only think about his lips. Desperate to just feel...

But is that really worth it? Is he?

After all the times he showed me I wasn't. Now that he says I Am. Am I willing to forget the pain to be with him. Is that fair?

"Arriving at East Hampton train station. Next Stop: Montauk train station" The automated voice rung above.

"We're almost there" I tell him, looking up from my sketch. My blue eyes tracing over the drawing before snapping it shut.

"Hey!" He exclaims, a pinch wrinkling his eyebrows. "I asked you to draw me like one of your French girls, Mr. Dawson. Don't I get to see?" The man prodds. An easy smile playing at deep pink lips.

I wonder if they still taste the same.

Clearing my throat, I release a fake chuckle, trying to hide from those thoughts. I wonder how he can be so cool. Acting as if there isn't a deeply cut wound at the center of our relationship.

"You get to see it when I'm done."

"Whatever you say, Gorgeous" Josh smirks tauntingly.

Biting my lip in an effort to hold back my smile, I ignore the slight darkening of amber eyes tracking the slow movement of my mouth.

"You have got to stop calling me that!" I insist distractingly .

"Why?"

Laughing to myself I ignore his look of hurt.

"I like 's wrong with Gorgeous? It's a nice nickname"

"Because that's not a nickname for a friend, Josh. It's a compliment. And an intimate one at that" I say firmly. Remembering the rush of emotions that the word brought whenever he had used it all those years ago.

I watch him turn to look out the window. A blur of brown and green forgotten as I take that moment to stare shamelessly.

He truly is beautiful.

Finally he snaps his attention to me, pulling me from my thoughts. An evil smile tugging pink lips up into a mischievous smile worthy of my own esteem.

"Mouthy Maya!"

"What!?" I shout chuckling, blindingly reaching out for whatever object is closest. "Screw you, Matthews." I cry chucking the white eraser to his chest.

"Hey! No fair, you have ammunition!" His voice objects. The rich thickness carries into my chest. The familiar tingling sensation vibrating off my skin. Just as whenever he touches me.

I stick my tongue out like a child, breaking into a glowing grin.

"That's not so nice, Mouthy Maya" The man says slowly. Tilting my head I watch his hands begin to hover. Blue eyes widening, I move to the edge of my seat ready to run if need be.

Frowning I start, teasing "Now, Boing, you wouldn't want to do anything rash…"

"Oh, I wouldn't?"

"No" I whisper sharply. Looking around to subtly remind him we are in public.

He inches towards me slowly, the smile never leaving.

Jumping up just as his fingertips graze my hip I sprint down the narrow aisle. A child-like squeal bubbling past my lips.

"Com're, Hart-breaker" He calls after me. The clunky clicks of his boots against the linoleum echoing through the car of the train. The kids that had sat beside us clinging to the back of their chairs giggling as they cheered after us. Many passengers looking amused while others bothered.

Though, I couldn't bring myself to care about more than the absolute bliss making me feel more weightless than I have in years.

Stopping short I hold out my hands in surrender. Shuffling as we circle around each other. Now walking backwards towards our previous seats I try to negotiate as Josh stalks at me predatorily.

"No,no,no Josh! waitwaitwait, Listen-Josh!" I squeal just missing as he lunged forward. Inches from our seats where I can use my bag as a shield, he chuckles lowly.

"What's the matter, Gorgeous. Scared?"

"Josh, we are in public. You wouldn't wanna embarrass me right?" Josh rolls his eyes unimpressed. Knowing fully well that I've never really cared what anyone outside of family and friends thought of me.

Then he straightens. Seeming to be giving up.

"You're right, Gorgeous. I'm sorry, we are in public."

Surprised, I straighten up myself, Smiling triumphantly, "Really?"

The older man shrugs before looking to the kids and shooting them a wink. But it was too late.

"Nope!" Diving onto me, we fall against the cushions of our seats, strong hands skimming against my sides without mercy, causing me to thrash and squirm wildly.

"Josh!" I yell breathlessly. The deep rumble of his laughter bounces off my ribs. I laugh painfully but I don't ask him to stop, simply push against his hands desperately. Thoroughly enjoying the closeness he had always pulled away from the moment he'd realize.

I half expected him to pull away, just as he always had. Violently opening up the waiting dam of sorrow behind the vault guarding my heart.

But he never did.

"Please!"

"You think she's had enough guys?" The brunet asked the children beside us.

A chorus of no's and yes ring around us before Josh decides to stop. Smiling beautifully down at me. We must have stood like that for just a few seconds but I felt an eternity pass within his eyes, making me forget where we are. I forget who we are and the history so heavy with sadness. Just a boy and a girl. Shining in the glow of the other.

I jerk violently when I feel his finger accidentally slip past my Avengers blouse. A powerful jolt of excitement lighting my flesh on fire.

"I-I'm sorry" he mumbles kindly. Hazel eyes intoxicating me something fierce.

My lips part slightly, at a lost for words, chest heaving vigorously.

Tucking a few loose strands behind my ear, Josh's thumb stays at my jaw. Trailing it back and forth slowly. The pressure of the contact as well as the delicious burn that comes with touching him the only thing convincing me this isn't a dream.

Like the traitors they are, my eyes move towards the lips I haven't felt in four years.

I felt the world slow down again before…

"Ewww, mommy are they gonna kiss!?" A little boy cries.

And just like that our little world shatters.

Shaking my head, I awkwardly clear my throat, moving to sit up.

"Oh" Josh murmurs. Still so close I feel his breath fan against my collarbone.

I shut my eyes tightly as to fight back to the moan lying in my throat.

"Well that was fun" He says awkwardly. I can't help but bark out a laugh.

Moving to our previous seats Josh opens up his mouth, a cocky raise of his eyebrow,helps him portray a level of confidence I'v only ever seen him use while flirting.

"Seven million smiles in the world and yours is my favorite."

Rolling my eyes, I snort unattractively.

"I think that may be the lamest pickup line in existence" Leaning his arms lazily against his legs he smirks, moving forward in the seat across from me.

"Well y'know, that's just plan A."

Raising a brow I lean forward myself. " Oh, it is, huh? What's plan B, then?"

He shrugs, saying in mock seriousness, "Taking you hostage."

Doubling over in disbelief I giggle loudly. Pretending not to notice the way his smiling face wouldn't tear itself from mine.

"Arriving at Montauk train station" The conductor announces.

Josh and I suspend ourselves in the other. It feels almost as if we're frozen. No words being spoken but so much being said.

Returning to earth, I grab my bag and move to the doors, the younger Matthews brother following close behind me.

Giddy with joy he pulls out his phone to take photos and I watch this big dork feeling happier than I have in so long.

It's only a matter of time, an inner voice warns. It sounds a lot like Riley. But I can't tell if it means, it is only a matter of time before he hurts me, or before I give in…

Both

I want to remember all the pain. To stay angry and hurt without forgiving him so quickly. Remain furious, instead of allowing him to joke and touch and make me crave his taste.

I promised myself long ago I wouldn't let myself fall back in love with Joshua Matthews but… He smiled... and now I'm screwed.

No matter the promises I could have made, I should've known it was impossible. In order to not fall back in love with Josh, I would have had to stop loving him to begin with.

Zay's words recite behind my mind like an omen: stop acting like you're a bad person for feeling something you can't control …

Watching after the only man I have ever loved, I hear my hearts vault door click open. Butterflies free within my stomach as I allow myself to really feel.

Josh's eyes draw to mine and with a simple smile I feel myself fall just a little bit more.

All that I can think as I look at him is; This is going to hurt when it's over.

I hope it's worth it.

"So what was all that stuff about. Y'know with the carnival guy at Penn station?" Josh asks curiously.

I crane my head up to face him properly. The slight Montauk breeze ruffling his hair further than it already was. He looked sexy as all hell.

I smile brightly, having been prepared that he'd evntualling ask. Trodding down the ramp of the train station I walk towards a big faded blue Ford Pick-up truck.

"Well" I begin, Digging into my old messenger bag, pulling out a set of keys.

The locks click swiftly, the slightly rusted door squeaking open, before I place my jean purse in the center of the bench seat. Turning the key into the ignition and waiting for the old engine to roar to life. I look to my right waiting for Josh to get in the car, but he just stares at me in awe through the window.

Chuckling, I lean on my side, reaching to crank the passenger side window down.

"You getting in?"

"Are you jacking this car?" The look of concern, so cute I bite my lip to keep myself from laughing at him.

Frown deepening, he remains outside.

"Yes Josh, my idea of a date is Grand theft Auto. How'd you know?" I smirk looking forward.

"How am I jacking this car if I have the keys, smart guy?"

Rolling his eyes he pulls the handle and seats himself gently. That time I do laugh.

"Stop laughing, Maya. You are more than capable"

"Oh please," Shrugging and tossing an arm behind the bench seat to back out of the space, I run a hand through my windswept hair, embracing the distraction driving provides.

"I know how to control mysel-"

"You absolutely do not!" He interrupts in amused disbelief.

Rolling my eyes, I ignore his amusement.

"After we spoke the other night. I was talking to Sarah, trying to figure out where this not-date should go."

"According to you it is a date" He sings

Nearly swerving off the road I shriek, "what? No it isn't, I never-"

"Well" The beautiful bastard elaborates amused, " At the train station you said that your idea of a date wasn't Grand Theft whatever. Thus implying we are on a date"

"Thus?" I raise an eyebrow, deflecting his argument best I can.

"Yup!"

"Well, I was saying I wouldn't on a date because this isn't a date"

"Yes , my dear. You said you wouldn't on a date and you in fact did not, hence this is actually a date"

Opening and closing my mouth, grappling for a remark I huff out defeated, "Shut up"

"Ha!"

"Anyway! Sarah reminded me of Montauk and all the memories we had here. Uncle B-Sarah's dad- would take us down whenever he got the chance. And we'd run and laugh and tell anyone who asked that we were sisters…" I recall fondly. Picturing my sweet baby cousin pushing me on the swings while my uncle took pictures.

"That then made me remember how when I was kicking your ass the other night, Dave had mention he was from long island. Did you know he was in the navy? Honorable discharge, very impressive story. But not the point." I stop myself before I can ramble more.

"Long story short it reminded me of him so I gave him a call to see if he was in the neighborhood. We all went out for a cup of coffee and turns out he was only at Coney Island to cover for his boyfriend who picks up odd jobs and whatnot. Thats why theyre in New York. He told us he was planning on proposing soon, so I mentioned an art curator friend of mine from Cali hosting a gallery in Brooklyn that owes me a favor. I helped set up this romantic evening for the two of them. Wineing, flying, fine-dining the whole shebang. You should've seen him, Josh. He was so excited he was practically jumping up and down. It was really sweet. Then, Riley let slip that I was thinking of heading to Mtk so he insisted on lending us his truck and tickets in exchange for my connections"

"Wow. That was really sweet of you, Gorgeous!"

"Yeah, well, I am awesome, Boing"

"Yeah", he says softly. "You are…"

Managing to drag my eyes away I turn the dial up on the radio letting the radio mask the silence begging me to pull over and kiss the fool beside me.

"Well he was very kind. It was worth it to see him happy and now we get to have today."

"We're here!"

Shooting out the car like a bullet, I jog towards the front of the Montauk lighthouse.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

Closing my eyes I allow the pungent scent of the sea engulf my senses. The air almost wet matting my hair to my neck while my lungs fill with the crisp summer air. Several moments pass before I hear the shutter of a phone camera.

Whipping backwards, my eyes meet a sheepish looking Josh. A pink blush tinting his checks with embarrassment.

"I-I'm sorry." He stutters, slipping his phone into his back pocket.

I feel my arms hug me shyly. I hadn't realized how lost I'd become. The beauty so overwhelming, it demanded my attention.

"Don't be. I just ugh get… I don't know. Montauk just does something to me. Not many people understand" Looking down I wonder why the hell I'm acting so vulnerable.

I am a strong boss bitch. I always have been. I am the one who never hid the fact I was in love, who rolled with the punches and stood strong. Moved thousands of miles from my home to build myself up, now willing to make a friendship happen between the man that has never wanted me,but standing here. Under the gaze of piercing amber eyes, surrounded only by the tranquil smells of the ocean and his leather and piny scent, I want to forgive him. Completely. Not just for the peace or the family but because it's what really I want.

Maybe you shouldn't fight it.

"Show me." Josh says, taking hold of my hand tugging me towards the lighthouse.

Maybe I won't.

"So where to next, Gorgeous?"

Our hands laced innocently as Josh swings them back and forth playfully.

We had spent nearly two hours at the lighthouse. Walking to the tip top then back down, watching the waves crash onto shore. And talking. And talking. And more talking.

We spoke about everything. Learning more from the man I pinned after for years, than I ever had before.

We spoke about school and what he's been up to after college. Our parents and the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Slowly we realized we had been sitting for an hour talking about nothing really. Simply taking comfort in each others company.

The younger Matthews brother must have taken at least fifty pictures. Ranging from the ocean,the beach and-much to my discomfort-me. Waving a dismissing hand at my claims of not being dressed nicely enough.

Black shorts stained with old paints and a heavily worn Iron man T-shirt, paired with high top chucks. Not exactly photoshoot attire.

Hopping into the truck, Josh picks my hand up again. Sitting slightly closer than I should allow.

Red blaring warning signs ring in my mind. DANGER DANGER flashing red behind my eyelids. Despite my better judgment, I tune them out.

Finding his eyes,I smile. The flutter in my chest so much better than the dull ache I've grown so used to.

Just focus on what Zay said. You'll never know if you're over it if you don't try to find out.

"Why must you ask so many questions?"

"Okay, okay. Messaged received. Take us away to Neverland, Wendy."

"Please", I scoff. "You're Wendy. I'm peter"

"Whatever you say, Mouthy Maya."

"Don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?"

"Not till tomorrow."

Groaning I listen to him laugh musically. Hoping he can't feel my heart beating through the hand he still held gently in his own.

We drive in comfortable silence. Forcing myself to focus on the road rather than the warmth vibrating through my body. The hand Josh cradles lovi- No not lovingly- kindly. The hand he holds kindly thrumming with an excitement I can't push away.

The radio hums some random song, but all I could think of was the addictive alive feeling I only felt doing something dangerous.

"Lions field?" He asks reading the Forrest green sign.

Pulling the key from the ignition, I unbuckle myself and turn fully to face him. Rising to my knees and resting a hand on his shoulder.

"This is my favorite park in the world."

Raising both his eyebrows,Josh chances a glance at the-admittedly- unimpressive park.

"Um...really?"

"Okay, yes it's no central park with its immaculate landmarks or even sunset which seriously best swings in all of Brooklyn but…" Staring out the windshield I suck in a trembling breath. "It's the middle of June so there's no school and even then it's six o'clock in the afternoon. But there's not a single person in sight... It's inspirational!"

Josh brings my attention back to him, running his fingers through my humid hair. Trapped by the gaze I spent years dreaming of.

Hazel eyes flicker down to my lips and I lick them subconsciously. His warm breath mingles together with mine deliciously.

I look down shyly, pulling his hand away from where it had migrated on my neck before we do something he may regret.

When did he get so close?

"Sun's gonna set soon" He smiles. There's something there though. It takes me a moment to realize it's rejection.

"Yeah?"

"Get your sketchbook." Without another word he gets out of the car, rushing to the drivers side, then opening up my door too.

Furrowing my eyebrows confused I grab my purse and follow him onto the park. His hand lacing into mine once again, comfortably. As if it's always meant to be there.

Josh pulls me to the set of swings, lightly pressing my shoulders to sit.

"Draw." He demands.

"What?"

"You just finished telling me you haven't been able to draw anything you liked in weeks. Here's your chance. So draw." His cheerfulness ices something in my bones. I did tell him I've been having a bit of drawers block, but strategically hadn't mentioned it was because of him.

The only image left on countless pages for weeks, being a series of deep amber eyes, broken blue ones and tortured dark expressions, the only thing I could manage since I decided to come back.

"Josh, I- this. It's not"

"Thinking of finishing any of those sentences?"

"Seriously, Matthews. You want me to draw the sunset? that could take time. You'll get bored and that's not fair."

"Please, I like watching you." He scoffs

"Why thank you, Edward Cullen that's not creepy."

"I'm serious. Draw whatever you want, I don't mind. I have a phone and a swing." He argues, plopping down on the swing beside me.

Looking forward I stare out onto the slowly purpleing sky. The familiar consuming sensation that came with that escaped feeling when I lost myself in a sketch appearing slowly then all at once.

"Still have that look, huh Gorgeous" Blindly looking towards the younger Matthews brother I feel myself fall into a trance.

"Don't move!" I order excited. Sprinting to the car, I yank a blanket from the truck bed. Moving behind the fence, and placing the flannel quilt on the dirt beside the Baseball fields home plate.

"C'mere" I wave.

"Okay. Now, sit here. No no, here.There. Okay good. Lean back. Not like that, Boing. You look like a statue"

"Wellhowamisupposedtolean" he says behind clenched teeth. I bite my lip to help myself from laughing.

"I'm serious Josh. Just relax, you can speak normally. Play candy crush or something"

Returning to the swing I grab my sketch pad and sit cross legged on the ground, half across from Josh and half in front of the fence.

Like magic I watch the scene come to life behind my eyes, the deep scratch of pencil against paper the only sound for I'm not sure how long.

Josh talks as I draw. About everything and nothing all at once. Complimenting me at every chance he sees. Filling me with emotions people have written novel about.

I let myself believe this is how it has always been.

Here in this park, that stupid day never happened. My heart was never broken and we could be in love and happy, celebrating an anniversary or something. Not finding enough protest inside me to hate how much of a weakness Joshua Matthews is for me.

Always so easy to fall into him.

The sky darkens when I stand up and move towards him.

"Do I get to see this time?" He asks hesitantly below the large park lights.

Sitting within the gap of his knees I kneel showing him my sketch.

"It's not done yet" I defend, "but"

"But nothing, Maya. This is beautiful."

"Thank you" looking down at my hands I feel his eyes screening my face. His closeness sending sparks up and down my body. He closes up my pad and places it on the grass besides us.

"C'mere. Sit with me." He whispers, tugging me between his legs. Snaking long, warm arms around my waist.

"Josh" I warn firmly. Feeling the heat of his chest lull away my tense shoulders.

"Shh… Just look at the sky, M" He coaxes, so low I hardly hear. "I'm not gonna try anything"

After several minutes I go slack in his arms. Resting my head on his shoulders trying to fight the whimper playing at my lips when he holds me tighter.

"What did you mean before, when you said I still had the same look?"

"...Before I met you, I didn't know what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason...When you draw, you've always gotten this look about you. It's like your eye glaze over and shine like glass while your lips curl fiercely. Exhibiting this untouchable I can almost intensity. I can practically see the gears in your head turning as you get that flicker of inspiration. It's…When you were younger I remember how if I was lucky enough to see you make 'the face' it would more than just make me smile. It would light up my whole day up…"

"Josh…I- I didnt know you ever looked...at me. I'm not sure what to say"

"You don't have to say anything. Just sit here with me"

Closing my eyes I do just that. Sit in silence for I don't know how long just breathing each other in.

"I've always seen you, Gorgeous. I always will."

"...I missed you"

Releasing a shuddering breath he squeezes me tighter.

"I missed you too, Maya… More than you would believe"

He's right. I don't, but here under the stars I find that I can pretend.

"It can always be like this."

Shaking my head I try to move but his hands remain firmly placed around me.

"This here. You and me. I'm in it for the long game, remember?" Dark eyes grow sad with each word, but all I can see is an image of myself crying on the ground after he has already left.

Pulling away forcefully, I shove his hands off when he reaches out.

"Wait, Maya. Wait I-"

"No. Stop,Josh! You need to stop. We… I told you we won't be like that. So stop...please. Just stop." I say apologetically, instead of everything shouting in my head.

I'm begging you to not hurt me. Every cell in my body is pleading with me to stop this, to not let you give me those damn tingles or that hyper feeling but I am willing to give you a chance . A chance to prove to me you have changed, that we can be friends. But I need to find out what it means to be close to you as a friend before I can ever think about being anything. more I just need time, give me some time. Just don't push me… Please.

"Some people search their whole lives for what I found in you at the age of ten." He asserts.

"Then why did you me push away?" I fume, the hurt beginning to rival the guilt.

"Maya I've already explained that I was doing what I thought was best for you."

I laugh humorlessly, running a frustrated hand through my messy hair. Josh stands to be at level with me but I am beyond the point of caring.

"I've told you once and I'll tell you again. You are no one to decide what is best for Me. You are not my father, Josh!"

"I never-"

"If you want a relationship with me. It is as a friend and nothing else!" At least until I can trust you again.

"Yeah, well you haven't exactly been acting in a friend manner, Maya. Forgive my confusion." The man hisses.

And just like that, as if a bucket of ice water has been dumped on me, I step back. My mistakes becoming clear as day.

Josh seathes in anger silently while I bend to grab my things, heading to the truck.

Sitting in the car, I remain in silence before Josh joins me, a look of anger still contorting his features harshly.

"You're right. I forget boundaries when I'm with you and that not fair" I finally admit sighing in defeat, avoiding his gaze.

"That's going to end. Okay?"

"Maya," he starts, much softer.

"No, it's fine. We are two friends enjoying the evening together. This isn't a date and I shouldn't be cuddling up with someone I used to be... whatever we were to each other when I..."

"Have someone at home" He supplies, the look of rejection again hidden behind sad eyes.

I want to say no. I want to tell him that I was going to say when I am not sure I can keep myself from falling completely in love with you again.

Instead I remain wordless. Meeting his eyes and begging him to prove all of my doubts wrong.

"Is this going to work Josh, or should we just get on the next train?"

"No!" He cries quickly. "No, I'm sorry. I know your not in the position to have me fawning over you. I just have to learn to be more patient. But,Maya… The thing is I am not going to stop. You and I mean something to each other and I'm not letting go again until you feel it too"

"I can respect that. As long as you respect me. I see now that I need to put space between us. But that won't have to mean we can't have fun, right?"

Ultimately meeting his eyes insicurley he shares a small smile.

"Take us away to Neverland, Wendy."

This time when he finds my hand with his own, I pull away.

"How about something to eat?"

"Lead the way."

"You made it seem like a ghost town. I thought no one was around. This is a shit ton of people, Maya" Josh accuses annoyed.

"We've been on this line for an hour, Wendy"

Chuckling softly, I crane my head up. "That's the price to pay for the best burgers in all of Long Island. John's Drive In is a hot commodity. Now stop your complaining, it's your turn."

Slowly but surely the awkwardness from the park ebbed away. But I now knew better than to succumb to my instincts. Refusing every cell in my body urging me to get as close as I can. Only paying mind the parts that keep me warey.

"Maya, this town was empty."

"Well yeah. During the day… The suns down and the booze is out, so the people emerge from the hobbit holes. This is basically the drinking capital of the U.S. And what goes good with drinks? Meeaat"

"Your not funny" I laugh anyway.

"I think I'm pretty funny" I gloat pleased.

"This burger better taste like gold" Josh grumbles but I can see the small smile he tries to hide.

It takes another thirty minutes before I start to feel really guilty. Josh and I spend the time playing 21 questions but I've heard his stomach growl at least twice now and I feel bad for forgetting how packed places like this get during the summer.

"I'm really sorry, Boing. I didn't think it would be this long. This isn't exactly an ideal date now is it? It'll be just a few more minutes" I assure him thoughtlessly.

"So this is a date…" Josh glows.

"Shut, no I mean a-"

"Too late, Gorgeous. You've admitted it. Its okay, its okay! The first step to recovery is admission"

Opening my mouth up to sneer ruefully, we hear a cashier shout out, "I can help who's next!"

"Oh looky there. Grub time!" Moving in front of me, Josh walked to the front of the counter, making the young teenage girl blush furocialsy when he winks. "Thanks, sweetheart you really saved me there. This one becomes a beast when she hungry."

"I do not!" I defend loudly.

"See what I mean?" he winks again. We both refrain from laughing when the poor kid nearly melts.

We order quickly, taking a step back to wait for our food. Believe it or not it takes another twenty minutes before we finally get it. Now making it now nearly ten.

While our Train back to Manhattan was in thirty minutes.

"Ugh. I'm really sorry, Josh. I didn't think it would take this long. We have to head back"

"Already? But we haven't even ate yet."

"I mean, there's another train but that won't be till twelve."

"Then we'll just take that one."

"Josh-"

"Order for Mouthy Maya" The same young cashier who took our order shouts on top of the symphony of mindless chatter in the restaurant.

Barking a full body laugh, the traitor walks over to the counter plucking the white paper bag from her shaking fingers.

"Thanks you, hon" swiftly grabbing my hand Josh leads us outside away from the commotion.

"Firstly, you are evil. How did you even tell her that was our name. I was next to you the entire time"

"I have my ways"

"Secondly" I declare, foreigning aggravation.

"If we left at twelve we wouldn't get home till somewhere around 3am."

"So?" He smirks, dropping my hand. I try to bury the disappointment with a hesitant smile.

"I'll have to call home and let them know."

"Right" Josh's face falls promptly. A forced aimless smile soon joining the downcast look he sported.

Immediately I wanted the offending look to disappear. In that moment, willing to do anything to make him smile again.

"I-I don't have to right now, let's eat."

"There aren't any seats"

"Um…" Taking a look around, there aren't any seats available inside or out of the establishment. Nibbling my lip I consider our options. Then it hits me!

"Maya?" A concerned Josh contests, taking in what must be a weirdly excited look.

"Follow me!" Mindlessly,I lace my fingers through his and run to the gas station next door.

After ordering Josh to stay outside, I buy us a couple cans of cokes and a container of nail polish. I thank the convenience store owner and cross the street back to Dave's truck, with Josh following close behind.

"Maya! What are you doing?"

With a face splitting smile, I chuck the keys to the unsuspecting Matthews brother.

We get into the truck as I assemble the food between us.

"Seriously, Maya. I don't know how to get anywhere, why am I driving?"

"It's nearby. I'll just give you directions."

Laughing disbelievingly he looks at me with… Awe?

"Where are we even going, Wendy?"

"I'm taking you to Neverland."

"Okay you were right. You were right! That burger was awesome"

"Please.I'm sure the sand was an excellent topping you would never had tried." I say sarcastically.

"It did give it that extra crunch I didn't know I needed."

Shoving him playfully we laugh easily.

"No but seriously, the food, the music...You. It was great."

Brushing my hair behind my ear I avoid looking directly at the beautiful man before me. Knowing if I allow the air between us shorten anymore than it already is I won't be held responsible for what may happen. So instead I paint his nails with bright pink polish. Overjoyed I somehow convinced him into letting me do this.

"Done!" I affirm joyously, taking a look at my handy work, "Now you are ready for your hand modeling career."

"Ha! I'll make a note of that…"

Pausing the phone playing maroon five, nestled within two half coca cola cans.( A makeshift speaker Zay and I picked up in Cali.) Josh speaks.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I know that you need space. And" He pauses, taking a deep breath. "I know you don't trust me just yet. And I'll do better but, as lovely as this has been, I feel you pulling from me. Your really cautious and it shows.I-I need you to be comfortable with me,Maya. It's just- I- I can't control myself when I am with you. But, again, i'll work on It, I promise... So, if you wouldn't mind, would you show how you did that wicked cartwheel."

A wide grin possesses my face nearly painfully.

"You're crazy" I breath standing.

"Just for you"

"Oh my God. You are incorrigible!"

"You know it, baby" He stands himself, un-pausing the music. I pray he doesn't notice the shiver that sneaks through me.

"Shut up and come here so I can show you how to do th- oh my God!" I squeal.

"I love that song, put it up!"

"Wait I recognize this song. Where is this from?" Josh reveals doing as I said.

"The 'Dream a little dream' movie named after the song. Yo-"

"Oh yeah, I took you and Riley to see that at the Drive in theater before it closed down"

Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singing in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me

Smiling gently I experience the song move through me passionately.

"Yeah…"

Josh extends his hand out for me sweetly. Offering a look in his eyes I can't describe.

"May I have this dance, ?"

Hesitantly, I bring my hand out to his. Feeling his finger curl around my palm, slowly he pulls me to his chest. Placing my hand by his shoulder before his migrate down to my waist. The wind blowing his hair almost angelically while the moon gives him a glow born simply to torture me.

"I won't try anything, Maya. I promise. Relax, Gorgeous."

Say nighty-night and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me

"I wish they still had drive in theaters" I find myself mumbling against his chest.

"Me too" Josh replies.

After resting my head upon his shoulder Josh presses the softest of kisses to the top of my head, nuzzling his nose between the golden strands.

"Josh" I warn, moving to look him in the eyes.

Hazel meet brown in a fierce battle of who can drown in the other quicker.

"Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this"
Without breaking eye contact, Josh sings along with the artist, murmuring the lyrics as we sway together along the melody.

My breaths become shallow the closer he becomes, his breath fanning against my lips and all I want to do is to pull away. To demand what it is that he thinks he is doing. Scream, as I ask; wasn't he just preaching he wasn't going to push anything. But I can't because more than that I want to remember what it feels like to kiss this man.

"Josh," I try again meekly. Feeling myself go weak the closer his lips come to mine.

"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me"
He continues. With each word I become more breathless. It makes me wonder if he can feel my heart against his chest.

Stars fading but I linger on dear
Still craving your kiss
I'm longing to linger till dawn dear
Just saying this

Two large hands move from my waist to rest on either side of my face, cradle me like I am something precious. Looking at me as if I were an answer to all his problems

The way I remember dreaming one day he would. Now that it is here, I couldn't possibly imagine it could have ever felt better.

"Josh…" I gasp feeling his lips a single breath away.

"Maya."

'…."

"Let's get ice cream!" I say suddenly. Surprising us both. A petrified look furrowing my eyebrows inwards.

"Uh, what?"

"Ice cream"

" y-yeah. Ice cream. Sure, of course,Gorgeous. L-lead the way."

"Josh" I say regretfully.

"I'm fine. Let's go. Lead the way, Wendy." He tries to sound okay, but I can see him berating himself. The offset of his shoulders the smile not quite meeting his eyes.

I sigh defeated, not sure what to do. I think of saying sorry, though I don't know where I would begin. I can't tell him why I pulled away, it will just hurt him more. Yet, I can't let Josh kiss me, not without hurting myself…

Feeling like an utter idiot, I grab what's left of our things, then move to the truck.

Josh sits silently in drivers seat, staring out the windshield. An unreadable expression shouting at me that I've fucked up.

Climbing into the passengers side I avoid his eyes.

"Don't do that, Maya"

"Do what?"

"Look guilty, when I am the one who screwed up"

"Oh, Josh. No, you didn't screw up at all. I was the one wh-"

"Damn it, Maya. It wasn't you" He interrupts heated, slamming his fist against the shearing wheel.

Flinching I bite my lip, holding myself back from doing something significantly more stupid like crying or shouting back.

"I'm sorry."

"Its okay." I lie.

"No its not." Several seconds pass before we meet each other's gaze.

"I told you I was going to give you space, and I just… Ugh, I overstepped and I am so sorry, Gorgeous. There's just something You do something to me and I- I just lose all control. The only thing running through my kind is you! Smiling and laughing. Angry and-and… And sad. I don't want to make you sad. Just be patient with me, Wendy." The hazel eyed man babbles, the start of a hopeful smile appearing towards the end.

"Do you forgive me?"

I don't say anything for a while. Attempting to make sense of it all. Desperately trying to not let his words affect me.

Failing, I feel myself smile anyway.

"Only if you pay for the ice cream, Pan".

A grateful look passes through Josh's features. The relief palpable in the air between us.

"Can I still do this?" The man requests. Entwining his long smooth fingers with my small nibble ones.

The hopeful insecure look embedded into his face the only thing that keeps me mutely nodding my head yes.

"Okay."

"Okay" Josh echos. "Off to Neverland."

"Didn't we just learn that 'John's Drive In' is not the place to go?"

"Quit your Complaining, Boing. I haven't had the Little league special in years. I'll be damned if I let your impatience get in my way now."

"But, Maya" He whines, turning the corner into a practical waste land.

"Woah… This place was just packed…"

"Beauty of small towns. The bars close and they go home. Now let's go. Park right in the front, I need me some suga!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down, Cookie Monster. Just let me park."

"Are you joking with me right now. Ice cream is not a laughing matter, Joshua. It is sacred!"

"You're right. Whatever shall I do to redeem myself!?"

"You could always sacrifice a virgin" I suggest jokingly.

"Maya!" He reprimands cutting the engine.

"What? I mean I know it may be hard" I taunt getting out of the truck and skipping towards the entrance. Implicitly rejoicing in once again finding our teasing rhythm.

"and I'd offer myself but I rather enjoy life. So, maybe try the nearest conve- Josh? Where'd you- Come on, Boing, let's go. They'll close soon… Is everything alright?" Pausing mid sentence noticing the absent body that should be near mine, I whip my head back. Still by the truck door, Josh stares at me wide-eyed and speechless.

"Josh?"

"Ahem. Y-yeah. Yeah,sorry. I just, um. Never mind." Tilting my head in confusion I watch him swallow thickly before entering through the front doors before me.

Okay, that was weird.

Bouncing into the the shop I digress into a petulant child.

"Oh my God. You have no idea how excited I am right now! Ahh!"

Josh seems to have escaped whatever crisis he was Participating earlier. Choosing to return to that grinning awed look he's been gifting me through our day.

The only people in the restaurant are a sweet elderly couple licking away at ice cream cones alone in the corner and a rowdy group of six or seven-clearly drunk- twenty year old guys populating the brightly colored center tables.

"I must be insane getting you more sugar"

"Even so, I must admire your skill. You are so gracefully insane."

"Did you just quote Anne Sexton at me?"

"You know who Anne sexton is!?"

"Well, don't look so surprised!"

"No, no. I'm sorry. That's incredible I just wasn't expecting you to recognize that. I adore her work."

"Well, I do too. I guess there's a lot you don't know about me yet" Josh muses.

I refrain from grinning at the prospect of 'yet'. Suggesting that today wasn't such a disaster, that we wouldn't have more days like this.

"Yet…" I repeat, walking to the front counter. Taking in the same teenage cashier from earlier in the night.

"Why hello again, girly. We would like two little league specials. One vanilla, one a twist, please." Smiling sweetly I keep myself from laughing at the quickly appearing blush on the kids face.

"How do you even know that I will like this?" Josh questions with uncertainty.

"Oh you will." The timid girl assures confidently from behind the counter before realizing she had spoken.

Pointing at him accusingly I laugh triumphantly "Ha! See, two against pay the girl!" I declare giddily.

Taking both paper cups in my hands, I beam brightly.

Sitting at a table closest to the window I shove my spoon and straw into the cup. Prepared to devour my mountain of sweetness. Seconds later the youngest Matthews brother joins me,

"Which ones mine?" Pulling one towards himself.

"Ah ah" Waving a finger back in forth I tug both cups towards me.

"Who said either of these were for you"

"Maya…"

"Okay, okay. You can have this one, shesh. So greedy!"

"I paid!"

passing him the chocolate and vanilla twist I continue to mix mine about, shrugging hastedly.

"You still like twist, right?" Subconsciously I play with the frayed edges of my jeans nervously.

"Yeah, I haven't eaten it in a while but yeah, I do- Oh sweet jesus" Quickly looking to meet his eyes, I see they are closed around a plastic straw, moaning obscenely into his desert.

"Right!" I exclaim."Its awesome right?"

"Oh my God. Yes. Its like, like"

"Like a sunday and a milkshake hate banged in a church to birth this diabetes inducing monster sugar baby? Yes. That is how I choose to believe it happened"

"You're real blasphemous tonight, you know that?"

"Part of the charm, babe" I venture around a mouthful of vanilla.

The minutes tick by while we finish our desert. Mainly teasing each other and marveling over the masterpiece that is the 'Little League Special'.

"The eminem's are a really nice touch"

"Okay enough with the special. We should be heading back anyway, train leaves in thirty minutes."

"Okay, Gorgeous. Let me toss this stuff out and get a water."

"Thank you, Boing." I reply pleasantly.

Josh stands and turns towards the trash bins. Too busy staring after him, I don't notice a pair of men from the rowdy group materialize before me.

"Well hello, sexy." One of the men say, but it sounds like a threat. Breath thick with the scent of alcohol, but he seems far from decapritadingly intoxicated. Just sober enough to ruin my night.

"Hello" I offer rudely. Keeping my words short. Praying Josh returns soon or at least notices the gang of drunk goons whose attention I've unfortunately captured.

"Comn, hun. Don be lie that" The larger of the two slurs dangerously.

The one who holds himself like the leader moves his hand on top of the table top. Boxing me in between his body, my char and the table.

Panic starts to rise bitterly in my chest as I notice I no longer hear Josh.

Squaring my shoulders I remember from my years of self defense classes, my best bet is to use the element of surprise. Forcing down the urge to start telling these guys off, I remind myself these men truly have the capability of hurting me.

Laying on a mask of innocence and fright, I wait for the arm beside my face to relax-most likely taking in my look of submissions as assurance that I won't put up a fight- Then I stand abruptly using all of my body weight and stepping away, taking both men off guard.

"Not so fast, bitch" The tallest man sneers. Snatching my wrist up in a vice like grip

My chest heaves with anger, still I strive to remain calm.

"Let me go, sir"

"Look, Fred. She's so polite, Make sure to say sir when I screw you, sweetheart. I like it."

Seething impatiently, I tug on my hand to no avail.

"Let. Go" I persist darkly, feeling as the anger rises over the fear.

"Listen, bitch. I'll let go when I want to"

Chuckling humorlessly. I stare them both in the eyes. " Sorry,Fred. Whos you calling a bitch? Your boss is a bitch. I am a woman you really shouldn't fuck with"

Well so much for not yelling.

Looking pointedly at the other man, I snarl aggressively, still pulling at my wrist.

"So how's about you let go of my wrist. And put that grip of yours to good use by jacking off your buddy here, looks like you both can afford to relieve some steam. What d'ya think, huh boys?"

'Fred's lifeless eyes turn nearly black with rage. The grip on my wrist tightening further, a blinding pain making me cry out in agony.

Blue eyes widen fearfully watching the blonde prep school looking man cock his fist menacingly. Barreling down towards my face. I screw my eyes shut, preparing for the blow.

"Why you little-"

"HEY!"

And just like that I hit the floor.

At last, I look up and see Josh straddling the man who had been holding my wrist. Pounding into him ferociously. Behind them, the other man regains his senses from Josh's tackle and moves to smash a stray tray left in the floor on Josh's skull.

"JOSH!" I shriek severely. My heart fighting mercilessly within my chest. Weeping critically as I watch Josh defend himself two against one.

"Help him, Help him! SOMEONE HELP!" Crying I run to the three and punching at the men who have gained the upper hand. Pleading with the other men just a few tables away to help. They just stare dead eyed back at me. Shrugging mindlessly.

Finally, finally, Two large men from behind the counter haul up the offending villains as I crouch down to Josh's side on the floor.

"Josh? Baby?"

"Are you okay?" Josh insists behind a split lip and a harshly forming bruise below his left eye.

"Am I okay? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah,just a scratch."

"You're unbelievable" I breath incredibly.

"It got you to smile, though" The man coughs, "didn't it?"

"You're insane"

"Worth it"

The train clicks and clacks vehemently. The only noise among the suffocating silence surrounding the cart. Josh lays his head on my lap trying to mask his pain best he can, but the evidence lies there for me to see despite all his efforts.

"Ow"

"Oh, I'm sorry" Guilt eats at me rapidly. The ice filled ziploc bag nestled between red fingers lessen their pressure on the older boys beaten face.

"Don't be" he mumbles humbly.

"Oh, Josh. I'm so sorry. I can't believe-"

"C'mon, Maya that was in no way your fault"

"No, Josh. Can't you see, this whole day was a complete bust! Nothing went right. I mean what was I thinking!?"

"Hey it wasn't that bad." Josh sits up, gently pulling the ice from my fingers and placing it between us to be at eye level with me.

I pull at my ear shamefully, at a lost for words. So disappointed by how I ruined this day at every turn.

"But it was. Nothing went right and we fought, like a bunch."

"Hey! That's our thing. We argue. It's what makes us, us. Plus its sexy as hell."

"Josh you look like shit! This isn't the time to be joking"

"See? Keep reprimanding me it really sexy."

I huff a small laugh, then return to frowning pitifully. "Josh, I'm serious… I stole a whole day from you."

"Maya-"

"No. Listen to me. I was trying to honor my commitment to you,and have some fun, and prove something to Zay, so I made you come three hours away from Home-To Montauk, for crying out loud! In June! The busiest time of the year. All the while, all you are trying to do is make amends and I go and act like a colossal bi-"

"Maya! Enough! I had a great time" Josh interrupts my rant with a shout.

"Josh" I say slowly, "We sat awkwardly on a train for three hours, then sent to a lighthouse where I got so distracted I ignored you a quarter of the time. Next we stood in line for half of an eternity in the busiest restaurant in North America"

"That's probably not true"

"We had to eat on a beach!"

"That part wasn't so bad" The brunet defends.

"There was sand in our food." I deny, " Look, its sweet that you're trying to make me feel better, but you being the most understanding man alive is just making me even more guilty" Groaning I bury my face in my hands. Allowing Josh to run soothing circles on my back.

Great, he gets beat up and he is comforting me! I'm horrible.

"You got jumped by two chauvinistic asswholes because I can't keep my mouth shut" I mumble against my hands, fighting the tears best I can. I don't want him to feel bad. Raising my head up I look into those earth shatteringly beautiful amber eyes.

"I'm so stupid, an A+ moron. If I could just stop talking for once in my li-mghgjg"

Immediately I feel every cell within my body come to life.

Josh's lips are as soft as I remember. Giving and taking with varying pressure. He tastes of ice cream and soda. Licking at my own plush lips sensually. Without thinking I push my body closer to his. Hands snaking past where they landed in his chest to entwine with dark chestnut strands so soft I could die.

I moan into his mouth desperately, forgetting every rule I placed and every part if me scared of what this could mean. Of how he much he could hurt me, now that we have had this intimacy.

His hands squeeze my hips roughly, then just as quickly as it came, it ended.

Eyes still closed and lips still pursed I try to slow my heartbeat, afraid it would beat straight out my chest., if not just as a means to get closer to the man next to me.

"S-sorry. I just, uh just didn't want you to say any other bad things about yourself."

Embarrassed, I remove my fingers from the older boys Hair. The familiar dreadful ache of rejection slapping me in the face.

Of course. He just wanted me to stop. Don't dilute yourself into thinking it was anything more.

Putting as much distance as I can between us I mask the instinct to revert to that pathetically sad child Josh always saw me as with humor.

I should've known better than to try being close.

"A simple shut up would have Sufficed" Was my attempt at joking but it was more of a disappointed whisper.

Josh chuckles, "like you would listen"

"I'm still sorry" I confess , still feeling guilty.

"I'll make it up to you. We could go out again." And just like an addict I put myself back into the same position I always have to crawl myself out of, bloody and devastated.

Josh raises his eyebrows in question,

"in the city" I rush to clarify.

"Whenever you want- uh A- as long as it's not your apartment"

Why am I doing this to myself? Stop talking, Maya!

What are you fucking doing? He is going to break your heart! It is never the same for us. It will always be me at the bottom, out cold and beyond repair. It's not worth it!... Right?

"Yeah, okay. Next time, my plan. How about Friday?"

"Sounds good" I smile. It's not force, the easy flow of Josh's demeanor somehow contagious. Maybe it's the high of that kiss or maybe I'm simply I am an addict with no integrity; Foolishly attached to what will surely be my downfall.

Rummaging within my purse I pull out a large bottle of wine.

"Weird that the owner just had bottles of wine lying around to give to unhappy customers." I comment, looking for an excuse to drink.

"Yeah well, I did almost die" He exaggerates. Pulling the bottle from my fingers and taking a long swig.

Taking a sip myself, I allow the bitter taste to slide down my throat awkwardly.

"Ah, yes. It is my fondest memory... Now drink, Drama queen."

"You're mean. 'You know that?"

"Yes, yes. It is one of my many, many virtues."

Taking another swig, I pray. For what, I am not sure. But I know I am going to need all the help I can get…

Several minutes past between the two of us sharing the bottle, about ready to open the second and final bottle the owner has compensated us with (one for each patron).

"You're worth it, y'know" Josh announces suddenly. His voice deep, possessed with something that I can't identify.

I look at him quizzically, pursing my lips in confusion, "I'm sure I am not worth a black eye, Josh. You shouldn't hav".

"No. Not just this" He gestures to his face with the hand not gripping the wine bottle fiercely.

"You're worth everything."

Well there you are lovely readers, Thanks for reading!

Again this chapter kind of just got away from me.

Still, I really hope you guys liked this chapter, I wasn't sure how it would seem to you guys. So please give me your opinions.

Anyway, please let me know what you Guys think of Josh's new nickname for Maya. I wanted to give him something other than Gorgeous, but I was having some trouble actually coming up with one. Tell me if you love it or hate so I know how I should proceed.

Also, there was quite a bit of foreshadow I left in this chapter, comment if you see anything you think may come into play later.

Thanks for reading!

Please comment and let me know if you have any suggestions.

See you next chapter!

~Geni