Hello my beauties!
Okay, so your comments were all so great I just had to give you guys something good. I read each one and they just brought me SO much joy I decided to just go for it.
I thought you guys would enjoy a little fluff on Josh's end too. Especially after all the angst you've had to endure, so TA DA!
A few quick clear ups: Firstly,The nickname I was referring to was 'Wendy Darling' from Peter pan, though I have to admit Mouthy Maya is fun to tease, it's not exactly the cutest nickname.
Secondly, in the comments there was some speculation of if Maya and Zay are having sex. And the answer is 100% NO! I thought I made it clear that Josh's wide-eyed surprised look when they went off for ice cream was when Maya says shed offer herself off as a virgin sacrifice if she didn't love life so much. So no Maya and Zay are not sleeping together in the sexual sense.
Thirdly, I understand there are a lot of things that are unconventional between Zay and Maya. Things that a lot of you think is wrong and will get in the way of Joshaya and that's the point, I want you guys to think of these things. I have a very set plan that takes all your points and concerns into consideration. Please stay tuned because there's something coming that makes it all click into place perfectly. Leaving no room for Zaya WHATSOEVER. I know you can't see it yet, but I've been hinting from the beginning. I hope you believe me when I say it's all worth it.
I really want to thank everyone who commented and pointed out any confusion, you all are amazing, I'm so glad you've stuck with the story and are enjoying it!
Anyway, please keep the comments and suggestions coming. I truly do put each into consideration and take your feedback seriously.
I hope you enjoy chapter 13!
Disclaimer: I don't own Girl meets world or any if its characters.
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Chapter 13: Show Me
Josh's pov
The first thing I notice upon opening my eyes is the blindingly bright light peaking through my bedroom curtains.
Moaning in annoyance, I screw my eyes shut with a virtually painful level of intensity. The dull ache pounding in my head persistent with its slaughter on my mind.
The second thing I noticed, was a warm petite, pliable body tucked comfortably beneath my arm.
Instantly I feel myself go board stiff. The panic rising through my brain rapidly, as I try to remember what the hell happened last night.
"Nnhh, Go back to sleep, Boing" A beautiful sleep filled voice rings through the silent bedroom. And I swear I hear bells.
"Maya?" Voice thick with question.
"I can practically hear you thinking, Josh. Shut off your brain and sleeeep"
My heart races, taking in our position. Her lips moving against my bare skin with every word. Distracting me more than I care to admit.
Her small body presses closer into my side, causing a tremor to course through me, from my head to my toes. Suddenly I no longer care how we got here. Choosing instead to marvel in what must be a dream.
Slowing down my breathing best I can, I pull her impossibly closer to the arm nearest to her middle, tighter by her waist.
Bravely, I caress the skin at the small of Maya's back, expecting to either be slapped or yelled at...but all I receive as a response, is an almost unheard humm of approval.
Left in awe, for several moments I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest. Taking in the relaxed youthfulness on her sleeping face in admiration.
In lieu of fighting an urge to weep at her sheer beauty, I distract myself with it. Indulging in the single moment that has-since she has returned into my life-felt like a true impossibility.
Careful not to wake her, the tip of my finger strokes the sinfully soft skin of her cheek.
Gingerly moving lower to skim the lush pink lips I could write sonnets about.
Gaping at the smoothness, I commit every curve and sharp edge to memory. Drinking in the angel laid out before me as if every inch of skin presented to me were a gift.
"You couldn't just let me sleep till twelve?"
Whining, Maya moves her head away from its place buried in my neck, a natural disaster of stormy blue eyes take me hostage. And I fall completely into Maya Hart.
Smiling sleepily, she lights up the room brighter than the sun could ever dream to try. Burning stronger than any flame could imagine. She takes my breath away, quicker than space could have hoped for me to die.
"What did I say about the Edward Cullen complex?"
Golden blonde hair fanns behind her messily, but to me she has never looked more beautiful.
"That you're secretly a Twiheart" I mock with a just as sleepy smile.
Groaning with a laugh in response, she returns to her previous location, hot puffs of air tickling my neck. Sending a wave of arousal through my veins, I couldn't find in myself to be ashamed of.
Without thinking I raise my hand to just below her neck, tracing the intricate letters of her tattoo. Reveling in the intimacy she is granting me. However, somewhere in the back of my mind I worry that if I think of it for too long it'll all disappear-She will disappear... So, I focus on the heat seeping into my flesh, failing to repress the overwhelming need to touch,taste, have. Thanking any God, in every religion out there for giving me,even just this morning.
My eyes zero in on the hypnotizing cerlene, staring back at me. An addictive rush thrumming somewhere within my soul, and almost like I was possessed, I feel myself lean forward slowly without my permission,drowning within ocean blue eyes.
Breathless, my gaze follows every surface of her face, drawing her closer to me by the waist.
Dragging the smaller woman nearly on top of me, I bring my nose to her cheek, skimming the skin softly while we breathe each other in innocently, in spite of our compromising position.
Staring into eachothers eyes silently, we somehow speak to one another without words. Revealing to her all my desires with that single heated look.
I want her to be as close as physically possible. Feeling selfish, but harboring a bone crushing fear that this is all a dream...
Hands slipping lower still, I wonder why she isn't fighting me. Though, when her leg lifts to rest between mine, all questions desert me in favor of that sweet scent and soft skin.
I just can't get close enough.
Desire drives me mad, the only coherent thought being my longing; shouting to feel her heartbeat against my own, against my skin, to show her in debilitating detail that she has never before been truly loved. I want her to feel with a single kiss, how I can make love to her soul, infinitely, if only she let me.
I want her to see. I want more than anything to show this woman- the only woman who matters- just how much I care for her. That no matter the years spent apart, the only person I will ever belong to is Maya Hart.
I'd show her through the pressure of lips against hers and skin against skin as we connect in the most intimate way. A way I now know, no man has shared with her.
My Maya a virgin. This gorgeous vixen,spilling at the brim with fire and passion, untouched! It felt nearly blasphemous, a concept I had never entertained.
A woman as strong and independent as the one below me surely piqued the interest of many men, trust me, I can attest to how many tried to persue Maya, in her high school days. (Several of which Lucas and I may or may not have scared off at times.) I would have never guessed.
Despite my incredibly, it was true. Not that it would have change anything if she wasn't. The woman before me is mine, in every and any way she comes.
There was nothing she could do to change that, but send me away. Until that day, I rejoice in every shared moment between us.
That being said, somehow it still made me want her more. A feat I wasn't sure existed. As if the borderline obsessive manner in which I desire Maya Hart could become anymore agonizingly demanding... Yet somehow, it was. And it is.
Because she's Maya, and it doesn't surprise me one bit, that my feeling are constantly growing past points unimaginable.
Since, of course, I know that feeling of when she's gone, I know it will never be as painful as not knowing if she's coming back… And now that she is back, I can't lose my second chance. I won't! Because I want her too much, the thought of losing her now would leave me more lost than anyone could shoot to find.
It's not just physical either. It never has been. I don't want to just touch and taste and feel… More than that, I want to love and laugh and share a fucking life with her. To talk aimlessly for hours about nothing, to share secrets and aspirations.
Maya isn't the kind of person you just want sex from. She is the kind of person you fantasize falling asleep next to. Imagine marrying and bickering over whos turn it is to do the dishes...Someone you cherish.
And God, do I want to cherish this woman! So much, it seriously hurts that I can't. At the very least, not to the extent that I want… The very way she gave me every opportunity to, so many years ago...
"You are so beautiful" I whisper insistently. That fiery need for her to know, much too great to fight back.
Breaking into a large smile, I watch Maya's attention shift onto my lips. Causing a drop in my stomach like only she could cause. I hear her release a satisfied sound, moving closer and closer until our lips meet hotly.
What starts off as sweet soft kisses, quickly becomes something much more passionate. Constellations exploding behind closed eyelids as my skin is set aflame kind of passionate!
My lips move against hers fiercely, moaning when her tongue found the seam of my mouth, swiping against my bottom lip, begging for entrance.
More than willing to grant her access I allow her tongue to stroke mine around her own moans. And I swear I could have died in that moment and life still couldn't have gotten any better.
Pressing our bodies even closer, Maya pulls away to straddle me. Now looking down into my eyes. A look of pure lust possessing something fierce, I could see clearly. Her hair falls past both shoulders, creating a curtain from the rest of the world. Dragging nicely manicured fingernails down my chest.
"Ugh, Maya"
Barley moving, Maya lowers herself to just above my lips. Brushing against them every few seconds, but pulling away right as I try to really give a kiss.
"Maya…" I plead with a low growl, hands moving lower down her back trying to pull her closer.
"Yeah?" The artist taunts, speaking against my lips. Wearing a proud smirk with sparkling eyes, loaded with mischief, just waiting to pull the trigger.
"You better kiss me or I'll-"
"Or you'll what?" She challenges, sitting up fully, flipping her mess of blonde hair over pale bare shoulders, before she lays her weight down on my lap. Rotating her hips wickedly, she shoots me a look that confirms she knows exactly what she was doing.
Chuckling darkly, I stare into pools of sky blue then move the palms of my hands from Maya's waist to short clad thighs, flipping the blonde on her back and growling deeply. Tracking the shivering response from the girl beneath me.
Placing myself between her legs, she throws her head back to laugh. Seeing my opportunity to pepper sweet open mouthed kisses along the length of neck, I suck and kiss every inch of skin I can find.
My 'excitement' grows with each uninhibited sound my girl makes in reaction to every little move I make.I have never felt so good in all my life.
"Ughnn" I groan, breathing heavily when Maya's slim finger tangle themselves in my hair, pulling me back up into another series of deep kisses.
"My god, Maya. You're-This-I feel like this is a dream, like I'm gonna wake up any minute"
"Josh" Maya says.
"Yeah, Gorgeous"
"Josh!" Snapping my attention to her, I stop pressing slow kisses on her jaw and freeze my hands in place, stopping any fondling those may have been doing.
Oh, God. Did I over step? Oh my God, what did I do? Fuck. Fuck!
Ready to grovel for forgiveness, I open my mouth up to apologize when,
"Wake up"
Furrowing up my eyebrows, I bore into her eyes inquisitively.
A dreadful sinking feeling overpowering the euphoric wave of felicity that had claimed me.
A small, nearly translucent hand rises to stroke my cheek sweetly, her own face still flushed before she speaks.
"Wake up, Boing"
"No" I whisper, grappling for this blonde haired angel desperately.
"No! Please!"
"Wake up, Josh. Wake up!"
With a jolt, my eyes snap open. Instantly regretting It when a persistent pang thumps against my head like a hammer. Clear signs of a monster hangover within its early stages.
Throwing my head back against my pillows, I refuse to open my eyes back up. Fully prepared to live forever in this bed. The fresh memory of a sexy filled dream, starring the object of all my desires: one Maya Hart. The only thing to keep me company before I decide to properly revisit society.
Fixing to go back to bed, I feel something beside me move...
"Nnngh. Go back to sleep, Boing"
Sitting up, violently fast, I fall from the bed. Feeling my heart skip more than one beat at the utter surprise raising my blood pressure.
Is this still a dream? That's what she just said in my other one.
Holding a hand to my chest I get up off the floor, looking over the duvet, warily. Expecting an empty bed, before viewing a very disoriented Maya Hart.
Clad in the same shirt she wore the day before on our 'not a date' and a pair of my Christmas pajama pants, she lies comfortable, eyes drooping back shut as she blindly reaches out for...me?
Cautiously, I move back onto the bed, sitting gingerly on the mattress as to not frighten her. I reach out to nudge her awake when she brings the arm closest to me up to my abdomen, shifting upwards in the bed to lay her head on my lap and arm snuggly around my middle.
Ignoring the rush of satisfaction washing through me like a quenched thirst, I focus on the task at hand.
Shaking Maya softly, I will her to wake up.
"Maya," I whisper, "C'mon, Gorgeous. Wake up."
"Nnghh nooo" Maya protests, snuggling deeper into my lap. The cutest pout on deep pink lips. I try not to smile too hard.
"Please, Wendy Darling, won't you come with me to Neverland?"
"No. G'way", She grumbles, contradicting the vice like grip she contains me in. Followed by a much more awake, "... Wait,Josh?"
"Hey Sleepyhead" I tease with a grin. Running my fingers through the nest, Maya refers to as hair.
Scrunching up her face in an attempt to remove any traces of sleep, I chuckle quietly to myself, as a I witness her come to her bearings,
"What's the matter, Maya, can't handle your liquor?"
With a painful look, she raises both index and middle fingesr to either side of her face, massaging her temples, striving to sooth-in vein-the sure hangover looming over her.
"Oh my God. Why are you screaming?"
"I'm not. I'm speaking"
"Yeah well It's too loud. Now shhh" slowly moving back into a fully lying position, she presses her face into a pillow, an absolutely adorable look of determination contorting her face to look so much like a child, I lost all original thoughts in favor of staring.
Mumbling into cloth, Maya keeps her eyes closed as she questions with a yawn, "W-what are you even doing h- Wait where am-" The blonde jerks up into a sitting position, looking around the room panicked.
"Oh my God, I never called home! Oh fuck, fuck shit. They're going to kill me! Oh fuck shit fuck fuck! Oh ouch!" Jumping off the bed, Maya scrambles to the the floor of my bedroom, searching for, most likely, her phone.
"Are you okay? You probably have a monster hangover. We went pretty hard last night…" Rubbing my neck nervously, I move to the door and into the kitchen, returning Maya's phone from the kitchen counter, feeling her following close behind me.
"Yeah, i'll be fine. Ugh,God! How could I do this?" Shaking her head tortured, Maya speaks the end to herself. Clicking the phone on before dialing someone's number.
Moving to the kitchen, I serve us both glasses of water. Pulling out a bottle of Advil to help with the migraine she is surely suffering through.
Staying in the kitchen, I leave her in the livingroom to make her calls. Swallowing two pills myself.
Though, the fairly small apartment doesn't leave much room for separation, the sentiment is clear. My true motives partly afraid of how she is reacting, partly in respect of her privacy, and wholeheartedly due to my unwillingness to be much farther than the current distance between us.
"Hello? Hey Peache-" I listen to Maya murmur cautiously. Guilt written across her face in big bold letters.
"MAYA HART! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN. DO HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WORRIED I'VE BEEN? ARE YOU OKAY?"
Riley's voice rings past the receiver of Maya's phone reaching all the way across the room. A true testament of how angry she really was.
Pulling out ingredients for an omelet and toast, I begin preparing us breakfast. All in hopes at giving the young blonde a little more privacy… And distracting myself from how utterly appetizing the woman looked in my clothing.
"Yes, Peaches. I'm fine. The night just got-"
"IS THAT MAYA? CURLY, WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?, IVE BEEN GOING INSANE LOOKING FOR YOU. HO-"
"Zay… Zay, Zay you're not letting me ta- Isaiah! Listen to me!"
Like a punch to the face, the jealousy returns all at once. Something deep inside me, bothered on a cellular level that the younger boy has the audacity to raise his voice at my angel.
Chancing a glance in her direction, I see she was already looking at me.
Grinding my teeth behind a tight lipped smile, I understand without words she is asking if there is somewhere else she can go to continue her conversation.
Pushing aside the bile rising up my throat, I point to my room. Gracing me with a small smile and a curt nod of her head, I watch her pad down the hall into my bedroom to talk to her… Boyfriend.
Squashing the bitter feeling, twisting my face in distaste, I busy myself by cracking a few eggs in a bowl, picturing Zays head in its place.
Mixing the ingredients distractingly, I search for a silver lining. Still feeling the lingering warmth from the body that had slept contently by my side the whole night.
"How can you be smiling right now?" Maya's sweet tenor reappears moments later, standing behind my sorry excuse of a kitchen island.
I hadn't realized I was grinning maniacally. The events from the night before echoing with the recesses of my mind, too precious to not think of fondly.
A drunk Maya, laughing hysterically at literally nothing, while I practically carried her- drunk myself- into the apartment.
The night before:
"C'mon, horsie. giddyup!" A very intoxicated Maya Hart shouts off the back of one Joshua Matthews.
Carrying her piggyback, Josh holds her legs tightly. Worried that in her state of intoxication, she would fall.
"Oh, woooww. Therss a ec-wchoo in here." Jumping of the older mans shoulder, Maya looks around the hall in astonishment.
"Echo, echoo. ECHO… Woah!" She slows down, clinging to the arm of the only man she has ever loved.
"That was loud" She whispers scandalized. A torrent of giggles following soon after, "Tha waz so quiet!"
Josh throws his head back, releasing a full body laugh. Leaning against Maya while they try to gain some support off the other.
When the laughing dies down enough for them to remember what they were doing, Josh exclaims his realization.
"Oh! Right, tha dore. Duhh" Fumbling with the key for several minutes, Josh finally manages to push his key into the designated slot. Maya cheers beside him, supportive- 'you can do it. Kick iss ass!'-words of wisdom. Influencing many aggravated shouts from Josh's neighbors.
"Got it!" Josh reports proudly, looking to Maya for her approval.
Clapping her hands frantically, Maya praises joyously. A warm sense of accomplishment holding the older mans head high.
Walking into the apartment, the younger woman, stops beside the doorway. A funny look of confusion pinching the space between her brows.
"This Isnnt Correeys an To-paangs placee." Jutting out her bottom lip in contempt, she turns to the Matthews brother.
Laughing drunkenly, Josh mindlessly yanks his shirt off over his head. Tossing it behind him, choosing to worry about it when his brain isn't so fuzzy.
"You're drunk" The man snorts, kicking off his boots, haphazardly, paying little mind to where they land. Proceeding to collapse onto his blue sofa with a huff.
'I'm not drunk!" Maya fumes, doing the same with her own sneakers."Yourr juss blurry..." Slurring heavenly, the girl tilts her head curiously, before meeting loving amber eyes and bursting into another fit of hysterics.
"I thinck wee R drunk" Smiling broadly at one another, Josh reaches out aimlessly for one of the girls arms. Tugging sharply until she tumbles onto the couch beside him.
"Ugh" She professes in distress. "I'm hot."
"Really hot" Josh retorts, nodding his head in agreement.
"Not lie thaat, pervert!" She grins unimpressed, shoving the older mans shoulder away. Keeping her hands on him though. Both succumbing to the consistent longing that they regularly neglected. Their drunken minds finding that it felt far too good to be wrong.
Moving from her seat beside him, to rest her back against the opposite arm rest, Josh whines at the loss of contact. Smirking sleepily, she places her legs a top of Josh's thighs. A gruddel sound heavy in his throat escaping at the return of her warmth in his body.
Moving nimble fingers to the button of her jeans, she fumbles with the zipper before raising her butt up and shimming the old denim down her hips. Removing her legs back off the man again, she pulls the offending garment off her completely, throwing it behind her in disinterest.
Josh's eyes rack down her body in a trance. Scanning the miles and miles of smooth white skin. Yearning to just touch, but knowing full well, even in his inebriated state, trying anything right now would do so much more harm than good.
Uninterested in harming this perfect girl in anyway he could help, he removes himself from his thoughts. Making the conscious decision to not move his hands from the blue eyed girls' ankles.
Suffering through the battling emotions swarming through his heart and his dick, Josh gingerly removes Maya's tantalizing legs from his lap. Standing abruptly and looking away from the one and only weakness in his life. From the moment her skin leaves his hands, a wave of ice floods his entire body. For whatever reason, in that moment the alcohol brings back the first weeks Maya had left for school.
Not long after he said those awful things that lead her over the edge and as far away from him she could get, a cold cloud of depression hovered over him for weeks, the knowledge dawning on him in that she may never come back.A feeling he wished he could forget…
Resisting any abating memories, Josh staggers awkwardly into his bedroom. Rummaging through a random drawer before returning back to the living room to confront a half asleep Maya.
Blonde hair fanning over the arm of the sofa, Maya has her eyes shut softly, looking like something torn straight from a fairytale.
Sucking in a breath, Josh fights off the urge to cry.
Knowing had he not been such a self righteous moron, this is where she could have always been. With him… In love…
It's almost a travesty how long he went restraining himself from this angel on earth, when she had been right there. Patiently waiting day after day for the man she loved to open up his eyes, to realize how stupid he was being by denying them both what it was they truly wanted.
Living up in the tower of isolation he banished her to,in order to keep himself from somehow tainting her with his unworthy.
Unfolding a pair of Candy Cain shorts pajamas, the older man sits besides the love of his life, slipping the cloth past slim calves, then thighs and finally hips. Biting his lip painfully as he shoves his desires aside.
Forcing away any distasteful thoughts that may have occurred upon seeing the deep scarlet panties, clinging to pale flesh so seductively, it should be illegal. He brushes any stray strands of hair from her face. Leaning down to press a chaste kiss to the top of her head.
He raises his eyes to Maya's sleeping face, remembering the last time he saw her like this. Nearly a week now. Her words that night haunting Josh most nights since then,
"I don't hate you, Josh. But… But I'll never love you again"
"If only you knew how much I regret that day, Gorgeous. All the things I would do if I could take it back" Silent tears fall shamefully. Mourning the chances wasted and the life that he threw away.
Sighing deeply, he wipes away his tears, bending down to hook an arm heath the blondes knees, the other supporting her back onto his chest.
Opening up pools of deep liquid blue, she smiles lazily up at the tortured man carrying her through his apartment.
"Heeeyy."
"Hi, Darling" The older man says, displaying a sad smile, understanding this could be the closest to Maya he will ever get.
"Where we goin'?"
"To bed."
"Oh, no. But that's so boring"
"You need to sleep, Love. There you go. Comfy?" Shifting on the bed, Maya humms happily. Turning to face the taller man, thanking him with her eyes. She tugs on the pajama shorts that fit her more like Long-johns. Leading Josh to rush towards the fan. Turning it to the highest setting, then moves back to Maya's bedside.
"G'night, Maya."
"Wait! Don't go" Facing the door, Josh's mind reprimands him for even entertaining the thought, but… His heart throbs painfully, Jumping into his throat just at the thought of having the smallest chance of knowing what it feels like to wake up nestled in the arms of Maya Hart.
Please, God please!
"Maya…" He objects meekly,
Amber eyes flutter shut, hands fisted at his sides. Reimagining every dream he ever awoken from where Maya had never left. Countless dreams where he suffered through the privilege of experiencing Maya Hart in a way he never allows, only to be ripped from her grasp the moment his eyes shoot open. Grated with the mundane existence without her.
"Please?" Maya offers in a whisper, reaching her hand out grougily. More asleep than awake, still her pleading eyes do something that renders the older man utterly defenseless.
And that right there, with that simple uttered request, his resolve collapses. Looking over his shoulder at Maya he feels something inside him snap.
Before he knows what he is doing, he finds himself pulling on a pair of sweats and lying into the most delicious heat, he couldn't have dreamt up. Wrapping his arms around slim hips and burying his nose in the lemon and raspberry scent of her shampoo. Josh releases a sound of contentment that Maya smiles at in spite of herself. Hooking her own arm on top of his, she pulls him tighter around her, falling into deep sleep soon after.
Gaping in awe and sobering up further, he counts the breaths she takes. Josh waits to enevidably wake up from the single most beautiful moment he can recall being apart of.
"I love you, Maya Hart." He mumbles, the only thing to bear witness to his confession being the soft snores the girl beside him makes.
Maya pushes into his warmth, consumed by the most comfortable sleep either of them has ever had.
Both thinking to themselves, as the dark oblivion overcame them.
We can worry tomorrow.
Present Time:
"Josh?"
Blinking, I shake myself back into reality.
"Sorry, spaced for second there. Uh, so everything okay back home?"
"Yeah, they were just y'know, worried. I guess after everything last night I forgot to call home… Speaking of which, how's your face feeling?" Fidgeting slightly, Maya subconsciously raises a slim finger to just below her neck. Tracing the ink of her tattoo nervously.
Stepping towards me, the blonde lifts her other hand to just below my abused eye. Stroking the slightly purplish flesh with concern.
Wincing at the contact, I cover up my pain with an easy smile, "What's wrong with my face?"
"Oh? Well I'm sure you get this a lot, but it looks like crap"
Taking in the moderately more relaxed posture, I figure she had been worried of how I would behave after that kiss last night or the fact that she woke up this morning in my freaking bed!
I was glad I was able to put her at ease.
"Seriously though, Boing. Are you okay?" The hand re-appearing below her nape tells me this tick is a result of guilt more than nerves.
Though she has nothing to feel guilty for, I told her last night and I would tell her again. She is worth everything this life has to offer. And I would gladly jump in to defend her again if such an occasion arose for a second time.
"I am fine." I appease, scraping the eggs from the pan onto two sets of plates.
"You don't look fine"
"Then stop looking" I sass, smiling at the annoyed roll of the younger woman's eyes.
"Um…" She begins, "Do you, err- think I could stay a bit, I mean… You know what, never mind I should probably just- yeah"
"Not planning on staying for breakfast, Mrs. Darling ?" Hiding the excitement bubbling just beneath the surface, I place both plates of eggs and toast on the kitchen table beside two pills and a glass of OJ I left there before. Taking a seat, I smile encouragingly, praying she understands what I mean. That she's welcome as long as she wants.
"I did go through all the trouble to set it up for us."
"...Well since you went to all the trouble…" Maya mimics with a grin.
Plopping down onto the chair across from me, she shovels a forkful of eggs into her mouth, before moaning around the metal.
Looking down at my own plate, I set aside the suggestive comparisons rising in my mind with dream and reality. Refusing to allow myself to think of how pale my dreams are to reality.
A domestic feeling I wasn't familiar with washing over me like a balm. The silence covering us both, in some way felt comfortable. Granted, we both were harboring a monster hangover.
Looking up, I take the opportunity to stare at the girl before me without any consequences. Drinking in her flushed cheeks and suddenly shy demeanor.
I can't help but wonder what the hell she spoke to Zay about. Were they fighting? Is that why she wanted to stay over, to get away? Did he know she is with me? Is that what she meant yesterday by 'proving something to Zay'?
All these questions and several more gnawed at my mind mercilessly. Feening to know where she and I stood with each other.
Before I realize any time has passed, the blonde is wiping her mouth and making her way into the kitchen with both of our dirty dishes.
"You don't have to do that." I call after her, standing in order to close the gap between us as decently as is proper.
"Nonsense. You made it, so I clean up. It only makes sense." Smiling sweetly, Maya navigates through my kitchen as if it weren't the first time she has ever stepped foot in my apartment.
It's so much better than I ever thought… Having her here. Moving around my home aimlessly, bringing the furniture and walls to life. A sense of being complete that has never been associated with this apartment. Maintaining the image of Maya Hart filling the empty spaces of my heart with her Presence just as she does the rooms of my home.
She is everything good in life all rolled into one person. Wild and unpredictable. A perfectly put together mess.
Edging closer and closer, the more I fantasize. The constant dark cloud of loneliness that has surrounded this apartment since I moved in, slowly but surely easing its way out of my life. It's existence ebbing away by Maya's bright light.
Without a word we fall into step with each other. Maya washes as I dry.
"Um, so" I begin, "was everything okay with Z-at home. I heard shouting."
"I really don't want to talk about it,Josh…" Blue eyes remain unmoving. Suddenly finding the shine of the sink eternally more interesting.
An awkward silence disruptes the pleasant morning air that Maya and I had instituted.
Placing the last dish in the rack I turn to face the blonde completely. Mirroring her stance of leaning against the sink with the island directly cross. "So I was thinking" Feeling the sweat accumulate on my palms, I try to calm my racing heart.
"Don't hurt yourself"
Cracking a smile, I take in her slightly damp shirt clinging to her skin. Reading the expression clear on her face divulging to me that this is how things are between us. At least for now: friendly. I can work with friendly.
"Ha. Ha. Very funny,punk. Anyway, last night you said we could have another da-not date." I correct smiling, when she opens her mouth to protest. Looking down at her bare feet, I watch her smile knowingly.
She is so beautiful.
"Yeah?"
"How about today?"
"What?" Barking out a breathy laugh and running nimble fingers through her hair, Maya gives me a look only she could manage, "Josh, we are both in no position to be going anywhere. I don't know bout you but my head feels like its been attacked by rabid dogs and your face looks like it. I'm not so sure about going out and doin' stuff"
Laughing nervously I shift from one foot to the other awkwardly. Walking towards the couch, the soft creaks on the floor boards telling me Maya isn't far behind.
"I wasn't actually referring to going out…" I profess taking a seat.
"Josh-"
"No wait. Listen to me." My eyes track the lip being drawn into her mouth, a pool of envy taking up the space in my chest at the single tooth biting into the flesh.
"It's just hanging out. You were planning on staying here for a little bit anyway. For your hangover to get better. Let me just fire up Netflix and we hang out. What do you say?"
I watch the internal debate transpire behind her eyes like a movie. The selfish part of me ignoring how difficult this could possibly be for her. Lips flattening into a line, she shakes her head slowly before flicking up to trap me in her gaze.
I feel my breath hitch in preparation, composing my disappointment best I can, waiting for the 'no'.
"Fine!"
"What?!"
"I said fine… If that's still okay."
"Y-yeah- yeah. I mean yes. Yes, of course."
Giggling at my bout of word vomit she moves to sit beside me. "Good"
I pretend not to notice the canyon of distance between us or the abyss growing in my chest. Having her so close but so, so far away. A pain that I have become addicted to, all if just to be near her.
Forgetting the present desire to have the blonde as close as possible, I embrace the chance she is giving me. Echoing, "Good"
Maya and I spend the afternoon slowly recovering from our respective hangovers and finally settling on watching the 'Good Place'.(After of course well over three hours of watching Maya's favorite Supernatural episodes and discussing our conspiracy theories in response) Teasing one another just as yesterday, the warm fuzzy feeling returning into my body while we fall back into our routine.
At an excruciating pace, Maya becomes more and more relaxed in my presence. Always silver tongued, she taunts me mercilessly, especially after the hangover eventually dissipated. Taking every opportunity to poke fun at each other ,we fall into step with each other, a task so easy I could hardly catch my breath. But regardless as how effortless it is to just be with her, I can sense the apprehension guarding her every move.
Afraid to get too close but still trying to remain near.
Now, we sit close enough I can feel the laughter vibrate pass her ribcage each time the characters on screen say something funny. Short legs sprawled across my own comfortably, I can't remember the last time I have been this care-free.
Four o'clock begins to come around a lot earlier than I was ready for my girl to leave. But I know it must happen sooner or later.
"How many episodes do we have left?"
Clicking pause, I move from the main menu and skim the remaining episodes.
I answer, without removing my eyes from the screen. "Five"
"Hmm" she hums. "Where are my shorts?"
"Somewhere on the floor by the door, probably next to my shirt." I recall, pressing resume on the remote, in hopes that she becomes too invested in the plot to leave.
"...Josh" The frightened tone woven within her voice draws my attention back to the blue eyed beauty.
Pinching my eyes in confusion, I subtly check her for any injuries. Clicking the T.V off as to not disturb her further."What's wrong, Gorgeous?"
Muttering under her breath, Maya tries to calm herself down.
When tears begin to pool behind crystal blue eyes, I move without thinking, pulling her onto my lap. Rubbing her back as soothingly as I can, placing myself in protector mode, instinctively knowing I had to make her feel better.
"Use your words, Maya. Tell me what's wrong"
"Did we- Oh. Josh I am so sorry. I don't remember. Oh, I can't remember." Shaking her head sorrowfully she hugs me tightly, babbling faster than my brain can follow.
Wiping the tears from her checks, I cradled her face in both hands. Forcing her to meet my eyes, "Maya, what are you talking about?"
"L-last night. I can't remember us having... Losing my..."
Maya swallows thickly, casting her eyes downwards, to avoid my gaze. A look of pure devastation, both breaking my heart and furthering my confusion.
I look blankly at the terrified and guilt ridden girl on my lap for several moments, before it dawns on me.
I couldn't help the booming laugh that explodes from my throat.
"This isn't funny Josh! Stop." Unshed tears fighting and failing not to fall.
"No, no. Your right. It not funny" I agree in my best serious voice. Though the smile isn't far behind.
"Josh!" Maya shouts in irritation, moving to get off my lap.
Laughing, I reach out and drag her back, "Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just… You are so cute!"
"Cute?"
"Very" Smiling, I bringing my hand to her drying checks, running the pad of my thumb over baby soft skin gently.
"We didn't have any sexy times, Gorgeous. I'm pretty sure I threw up in the Uber we took last night. So ,yeah sex wasn't really in the cards for us."
"Oh"
"Yeah. 'Oh'... Even drunk, I have too much respect for you to ever objectify you that way. Okay, Wendy, Darling?" The corners of my mouth lowering from an amused grin into a fond smile seem to coax a similar reaction from the young blonde.
Maya tucks loose strands of golden hair behind pierced ears allowing me to fully appreciate her beauty at a range I had yet to experience.
"You got really hot last night so you starting shedding clothes before I got you into those shorts." I explain softly, pointing to the candy cane pajamas. "You know I would never do that to you, Maya. Don't you?"
Penetrating blue eyes gaze into mine intesley, as a delayed pause suffocates the air around us. And it almost feels like I can feel her heart beating in sync with mine.
After what feels like forever, Maya speaks,"No...I really don't. I know you'd never do something like that, I'm sorry. Th-thank you… For taking care if me."
"Thank you for letting me."
We remain seated for several minutes, just stewing in our silence.
"By the way never call me cute again" Maya demands, but there's no heat.
Standing, the woman looks around the room expectedly, stopping short when her eyes zero in on the paint stained jeans from the day before. Strutting towards the abandoned garment, Maya bends to pick them up. I absolutely don't pay attention to certain body part on full display.
I move to just across from the small girl, a short laugh playing at my lips.
"It's not your fault that you're so cute, Maya. But it is actually ruining my life."
"You're are the biggest dork ever!"
"Why, thank you. I'll make sure to have that plaqued"
Maya shakes her head smiling, fiddling with the cloth in her hands.
"You mind pausing? I'm feeling a shower"
"A...shower?"
"Yeah. Is, is that okay? You look a little choked up there, Boing."
"Oh yeah, I'm great… Just, uh are you planning on staying?"
Her smile falls slowly at my question, and I feel like kicking myself for being the cause of its leaving.
"Is that still okay?"
"Absolutely," I rush to amend, "Its just, I know you have people at home waiting for you…" Trailing off, I feel the anxiety course through me violently.
"Well, as long as it's still cool with you. I'd rather finish our show"
"He'd let you do that?" It's out of my mouth before I can do anything to stop it. Though neither of us address who 'he' is we both know. The formalities lost in the hurricane of discomfort and avoidance, both Maya and I have perfected.
Biting her lip with a smirk, Maya lifts dazzling blue eyes to meet mine. Behind the blinding color, I witness a familiar chaotic spark burning steadily.
A smile creeps onto my lips as I fall completely into Maya Hart. Just as easily as I always have, but this time, unlike so many before, I don't fight it.
"The question isn't, who is going to let me. It's who's going to stop me? Now, do you have any clothes that won't fit me like a tent? Why would you even give me long johns, we aren't all jolly green giants, Josh."
A deep seeded wave of relief washes over me, as I do my best to wipe off the face splitting grin from my face.
" Those are actually shorts, Gorgeous"
"You're lying."
"No one told you to be short, Wendy."
"Screw you, Mathews. Just show me to the bathroom, and leave the clothes by the door."
Ignoring the wave of emotions flooding my senses at the knowledge of Maya wanting to stay and the fact that she will be showering in my ap- okay… Backup. Let's tread very carefully here Josh, back away from those thoughts before you place myself in a position that will cause more harm than good.
"Sure."
Showing the blonde to the bathroom I hand her a set of towels after rushing to grab one of my smaller t-shirts and a very old pair of ninja turtle shorts I'm surprise still exist. Placing them into small expecting hands before she goes in. Too uncertain at how I would behave being so close to a stark naked Maya Hart otherwise.
Running my hands through my tousled hair, I pace my living room idly. Reprimanding myself for not being more clear before, as to prevent a panic attack from the young student, yet I still couldn't help experiencing an unadulterated level of joy at how i calmed her down. She choose me. She fucking chose me!
I busy myself with mindless games, in an attempt at ignoring the naked girl in my shower right now…
Ugh, get a grip and stop being a pervert!
Maya emerges from a cloud of stems forty minutes later. Rubbing a towel through thick drenched blonde locks, flashing a great white smile, that makes me goes weak.
Smiling goofily in return, I stand in pursuit of the kitchen. "You hungry?"
My clothes fit her loosely, but she looks so adorable, I keep my comments to myself. Certain she would put on her used outfit from yesterday, all just to spite me.
Standing in front of me, she craned her neck all the way up to meet my eyes. Presenting long pale skin shamelessly. Swallowing hard, I shake my head to rid myself of my less than decent thoughts of completely ravishing the girl before me. Starting with trailing slow and hot kisses to and from that sinfully enticing column of flesh.
Snap out of it, Matthews.
"Let's get a pizza and have an early dinner." She suggests confidently, slinging the damp towel over a chair. It enticed me how comfortable she is in my home.
"I can always just make us some pasta with meatballs. It's really quick."
"We can't do that! It's inappropriate."
"What and how?"
"Cooking me dinner is too romantic."
"Romantic? It's spaghetti not stake, Wendy Darling." I counter in charmed disbelief, crossing my arms at my chest and leaning against a counter, taking full advantage of my opportunity to just stare at Maya.
"Ah,Pan. How you disappointment me!" she exclaims scandalized. I try so hard not to laugh out loud.
"First of all! Spaghetti is the most romantic food in the world. Look at lady and the tramp! Don't you dare laugh Joshua Mathews, Disney is Gospel! Their word is law. I'm not kidding, stop laughing" The artist babbles, chucking herself.
"And second of all, stake is not romantic it's just a way for men to show woman they can splurge on hardly cooked carcass."
"Fine, fine. I'll order a pizza" I contest, rolling my eyes at her smug smile.
"But you should know that in my opinion, home cooked meals would help with a hangover aftershock." I add, reaching for my phone.
"Wanna know what the difference between pizza and your opinion is?"
Raising an eyebrow in question I wait for the punchline.
"I asked for pizza, not your opinion."
"Hardy har har" I deadpan, easing my phone to my ear to make the order.
"Half bacon, quarter hawaiian and quarter plain, right?"
Momentarily stunned,Maya gapes at me.
"What?" I chuckle confused.
"How on earth do you remember that?"
The voice of a distant delivery person rings through my phone. With a look I tell Maya to give me a second and place the order, swiftly.
"It'll be twenty minutes. What were you saying?" I apologize after hanging up. Moving to sit back on the couch.
"How do you remember my favorite Pizza?"
"C'mon, Gorgeous. How could I forget? One, it's one of the weirdest combos ever and two," I tick off on my fingers, " I distinctly remember, it was your first hangover, actually; when you realized you liked it. After of course, declaring the only cure to a hangover was death, you realized the magic of greasy foods."
Laughing to myself, I don't notice the intense gaze taking permanent residence on the side of my face. Reaching Maya's eyes, I watch the storm raging behind almond shaped blue.
"What's the matter, running out of comebacks there, Maya?" I say, reverting to our teasing tone. Wanting to keep the conversation light and not knowing what else to say.
Though a larger smile does takes over lush pink lips, the hurricane behind Maya's eyes continue to reign havoc on my nerves. Undecided on whether it was something good or not...
"Well you see, I've been trying so hard to be my normally fabulous self, y'know all my adorning fans present here today." She finally says. Raving in a joking voice from across the room
"Naturally, of course." I muse.
"But, I was simply so fabulous last night, I'm just too exhausted!"
"Is that so?"
"'Tis sad but awfully true"
" ...You're insane you, know that, right?"
Maya gasps comically. Faking a deep look of offense, "I most certainly am not! I am an acquired taste, Mr. Matthews. Don't like me? Acquire some taste!"
Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Maya walks to the couch with a huff.
After a moment, she looks to me with a beautiful grin.
So beautiful…
For several moments nothing happens, yet I sense something swarming through the mind of the younger girl.
Setting myself closer beside her, I grab her hand, stealing her attention. Restraining myself from jumping for joy when she doesn't pull away.
"What's going on in that pretty head of yours" I implore softly.
"You…"
"Is-is that, uh. Is that good?"
"...I think you're supposed to be there." Maya answers with a nod. "It's up to you to tell me if it's good or bad"
A rush of emotions swarm in my stomach, tinting my cheeks an embarrassing shade of pink as I let the silence blanket the air around us.
"What else do you remember?"
"Everything" I reply without hesitation, suppressing a shiver when Maya turns my hand over in her palm, tracing lines around the center.
"Like what?"
"...Like the birthmark riiight here" Leaving my hand to her doodles I trail the other from her arm to just behind her shoulder blade, tracing my fingers over the cloth lying there.
I pretend not to notice the shudder that steals her body, just as she does to the smirk that adornes my face.
"I remember how much you hated it. Some girl said something about it in that summer camp. You came back and swore up and down you were gonna have them removed as soon as you were older. Do you remember what I told you?"
Searching through tender sapphire eyes, I feel my throat go dry. Maya drops my hand and moves her hand across her chest, dipping her hand into the T-shirt and tugging down her shoulder, exposing the creamy skin living there.
"Yes… You told me, it was the exact shape as the constellation Sagittarius… The mark of truthseekers…"
"Amongst other things." I add stroking the skin gently, almost afraid if I press too hard Maya will shatter before me.
"You took so many pictures of us that day. Riley and I have never felt so good about ourselves."
Maya's eyes become far away, looking into a vacant distance, clearly remembering one of the few good memories I managed to supply for the girl.
It was then that I remembered.
"Oh!"
"What?" She replies startled by my sudden flee from the room.
Running to the hall closet I rummage through the seventh layer of hell that is the mess I meet past the door. Reaching high for the only thing well kept in the entire space, I pull out a medium sized yellow box from the top shelf.
Returning to the couch I place the slightly dusty box in front of the puzzled blonde. What a hope is a excited look taking over my features.
"What's this, Boing?"
"A graduation present."
"A gradu-why?"
"I've actually had that for four years. I completely forgot to give it to you. It's your high school graduation present."
Smiling sadly, I run a finger on the perimeter of the cardboard.
"You,uh… You left so quickly after the ceremony that day, I didn't catch you in time before you left. I did try afterwards but you had already left for early enrollment and while I didn't know it at the time, you never planned on coming back so,... Happy graduation!"
Maya's frown cracks something within me. As if I haven't already caused her enough harm, I am making her guilty for protecting her own heart.
"I'm really sorry, Josh. That was immature of me, I was just so-
"-Don't be. Please. I really don't blame you for leaving me, Maya. I blame myself for not giving you a reason to stay…"
"Josh," she whispers brokenly. Gripping the bright wrapping paper,as if she's holding herself back from something.
"Open it, Wendy. It's no Neverland, but I think you'll like it."
With a nod of my head, I urge her to open up the four year old gift. Bearing witness to the war battling in her brain. About what? I am not sure.
Tearing the yellow paper to confetti, pale manicured hands pull out a black leather bound frame.
Maya gasps softly, raising a surprised hand to cover her mouth.
"Josh…"
"Do you like it?"
"I love it! Oh, Thank you. Thank you so much."
Resting the frame on her lap, she reaches over and pulls me into a tight embrace. Engulfing me in the scent of my generic shampoo. A tremor slides down my spin distractingly at the prospect of her leaving with my scent all over her.
Wrapping my arms around her waist we stay like that for a little while.
Maya is first to pull away. Returning to her previous position, staring at my ancient handy work. An awestruck expression permanently taking residence.
A rather intricate collage of the moments I have captured photographically in Maya Hart's life, since the moment I received my first professional camera. Moments she hadn't realized I had taken photos as well as moments she had.
Many of the blonde holding onto sketchbooks with heavily smudged fingers and a great deal with Riley and other member of our family. The last photo clipped to the edge, the newest of them all. One of a 19 year old Maya receiving her diploma, a proud smile gracing the audience with the magnitude of her sheer beauty. A slight sadness behind intoxicating sapphire, though I feel I was the only one who noticed…
Right at the center a well loved photo of Maya accentuating her new found appreciation of the very cluster of birthmarks we were just reminiscing about.
"I can't believe…" She ventured in a whisper, but I think it was more to herself.
"Can't believe what?"
"It's just… I-I didn't think you saw me."
Her confession leaves something missing where my heart would be. The bitter taste of regret taking control of my senses.
Biting my lip in contempt I fight back the impulse to grovel at her feet, begging her for the forgiveness I can see she is already handing me against all her better judgment.
"I'm sorry I let you believe that."
"Corey said you pursued the mechanical engineering portion of your studies, even that your thinking of buying your own garage someday. Are you not still doing this stuff?"
"Well, like I said I made this years ago. And while I am going to hopefully soon get my garage. I remember this certain blonde, comically short, super annoying, maybe you know her" I jest with a smirk.
"Josh" she warns with a roll of her eyes. Unconsciously stroking the edges of her frame.
Chuckling, I continue, "So this aforementioned wonderful, comically short and super annoying blonde told me,not to give up on one dream to indulge another, but rather, to embrace both... So I did."
"I freelance for a couple newspapers in Manhattan and one local magazine in Soho. I'm still doing Mechanics but, photography was always apart of me. And while my favorite subject is no longer at my disposal," I remark winking, jestering to her, "I couldn't give it up. i'm not amazing or anything, but-"
"You're more than amazing, Joshua Matthews. Don't let anyone tell you differently."
Maya places the frame on the coffee table centimeters in front of us, before entwining our hands.
"Okay?" she presses, staring into my eyes. She squeezes my hand reassuringly, unaware of the effect she has on me.
"Tell me you won't let anyone tell you differently, Josh."
"Maya," I start blushing.
"No. Say it."
"... I won't. I promise."
"Good" Nearly blinded by the large grin Maya displayed, it sent a sunny warmth through my body, glad I am the reason for such a stunning expression.
"I love my gift, Boing. Thank you so much."
"No problem, Wendy."
Maya shakes her head amused. Leaning forward in her seat to put the frame back in its box, then neatly placing it in a safe place.
"Are you seriously gonna keep calling me Wendy? That's an actual persons name. One that isn't mine"
Tapping my chin in false thought, I repress my smirk, "Well, I could always go back to calling you ferret"
"Wendy's fine!" She hastley supplies. I throw my head back in a full body laugh, adoring how easy it is to be with Maya Hart.
"Thank you, Mouthy Maya!" I mock, once I regain my breath that is.
Maya resorts to sticking her tongue out at me, much like yesterday and I find myself thinking of how much better life would be with this woman always beside me.
"Very mature, Gorgeous." She only smirks at my response. Reaching over and resuming our show before leaning back into the worn cushions.
"I can't believe you made me college"
"Had I known how happy it would have made you, I would have found a way to give it to you earlier."
"Don't be silly, the point is I got it. And I love it. So don't worry about when. It's kinda sweeter this way."
"Well I did miss four years worth of holidays and personal celebrations, maybe I should make up for lost time, now that we're friends and all."
"That's not necessary, Boing."
"Oh, I think it is"
"Josh, please don-"
Thump! Thump! Thump!
"Oh looky there, grub time" I taunt with the same words from the night before. Smiling widely as a plan formulates in my mind.
Maya shouts after me as I take off towards the front door.
I pay for the pie, setting it on the coffee table and moving to the kitchen to retrieve some plates.
We remain like that for a couple minutes, eating and watching television in a comfortable silence, before the need to talk to her more is too much to ignore.
"Hey, was that Ayn Rand you quoted earlier?"
"Yeah, actually!"
"Don't keep looking so surprised. I know my stuff. You really have a thing for literature, huh?"
"It's a pleasant kind of surprised and clearly you have a thing of proving me wrong. Please do keep it up…" I could here the hidden message existing between the lines, so I promised myself I would.
Maya reaches for the last slice when I notice the familiar battle raging in her mind from earlier, "Hey! What if I'd I wanted that"
I chide in an attempt at distracting her thoughts.
"Too bad, so sad."
Slamming a open palmed hand against my chest I make a mock hurt expression, "You stole a pizza my heart, Gorgeous"
"Oh my God! I just lost my appetite!"she exclaims, tossing the slice on the plate and faking disgust. "Your puns made me throw away pizza, Boing. Do you understand how many crimes you have just committed!"
Laughing, I lean back to gaze properly at the younger girl.
"You are so snarky."
Standing from her place on the floor, Maya moves to sit next to me, placing her legs on my lap, much like before.
"If you can't handle my sass, you can't handle this ass!" she cries, slapping the outside of her thigh.
I feel the heat rising to the apples of my cheeks just as Maya throws her head back, tousling the drying curtains of hair to frame her like a halo.
"And you call me cute…"
We finish the first season with minimal excitement after that. Simply, relishing in Maya's company. We tease and gasp along with the characters on screen as the season finale approaches.
I'm not sure when we moved or when I got so close but I wasn't prepared to looked a gifted house in the mouth. Willing to bask in small miracles.
Maya's shoulder leans against mine innocently, with her legs crossed on the table before us. Still, I could feel her breath tickling the skin closest to my neck, reminding me of the dream from this morning. Dream-Josh performing acts of loving I don't know if Real-Maya would ever permit.
"Josh," Maya breaths softly. Lips parted softly, bringing to my notice that I had been staring. Snapping my attention back to the screen I devote my focus to the current hijinks Kristine Bale was facing.
Ultimately, and much to my distaste we reach the end of our marathon with a very excited Maya.
" .God! That was such a crazy ending! Just perfect" She exclaims both ecstatic and disgruntled at having no more material to watch.
"Yeah… Perfect" I profess, maybe a bit too intensely. I hope she doesn't notice.
She does.
"Josh," she chastises, a small crease pleasing between her brows. Telling me she is no longer in the state of the carefree domestic comfortability we succeeded in procureing in the last evening.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I wasn't gonna try anything, I promise!" I assure, though we both know its a lie.
"We agreed-" She testifies pained,
"I know I know, Wendy." I try to joke, the evident loss of control over the conversation not sitting well. Petrified that I may have ruined all the progress from our two days with a single look.
"It won't happen again, I've returned from Neverland. "
Shaking a mess of golden curls Maya smiles meekly. "Maybe I should just go
"No. No don't go Wendy, darling, there's a gag reel for the show. You don't wanna miss that. I'm Sorry. I promise, it won't happen again… Tonight anyway." Followed by weak laugh on her part, she rises and slips on her shoes.
"I should really go, Boing. It's late anyway."
Defeated I release a deep sigh, trailing after her, dragging my feet slightly as I watch her gather her things. Maya tucks her gift into the denim bag gently, after wrapping her sweater around the frame with a great deal of care.
Despite the pang of loss aching in my chest, a sense of pride fights for control. Knowing I created her something she valued so dearly, so quickly.
I want to tell her not to go. To demand she stay with me. Shout that it's all her fault that I feel this way. That I can't stop thinking about her or dreaming about having her. Beg her to tell me, now that I know what it feels to fall asleep beside her how am I expected to without her. I want to shout and cry in order for her to understand to believe;that there is no me without her. Not now or ever.
I remember trying to get over Maya with such a scope of clarity, It's like looking through a camera. The nights spent with meaningless women. Convinced if I could just put her out of my head, if just for a moment, I wouldn't care as much, that I could forget about this one girl.
This teenage girl, way too good for me who declares she wants me just as much as I want her. Claiming she knows that I want her, despite all my hateful words. Willing not only to wait for me but to love me anyway.
Something I never could do.
But it was wrong. So wrong. She was sixteen and I was just starting college, a world she wasn't even close to be ready for. Who the hell was I to pull her from her life?
So, I buried my pain within the thighs of varies blonde women from university looking even remotely close the only woman I have ever loved. Hoping against hope that the feelings I was so hellbent to deny,would be masked by the pointless conquest taking up space in my bed…
And while it it was so much easier, it was infinitely worse.
It hurts so much less to have someone you don't want, than to want someone you can't have. But it's also, boundlessly lonely...
A sharp pain starting in my chest before lowering itself to all my senses where all I feel is guilt and sad and alone.
Still, I can't let go. Not now. Regardless of Zay. Of whether or not she loves him or if she never stopped loving me. Because I love Maya. I am addicted to everything about this woman. Her voice, those hands, her laugh. I have tasted her mind and can't forget its flavor. Lying low on my tongue exploding with a need for more. Screaming for a dose of Maya Hart that will never be strong enough.
Maya takes me so high, I constantly fear the fall, but I came to realize long ago it's worth the risk to have her all.
"I really had a wonderful time, Josh. Don't for a second think I didnt. Thank you for today."
Flashing a shy smile, Maya flicks her gaze to and from my eyes, present once again that same look, of a clear internal battle. Unsure of something...of me? Or perhaps herself?
I stand still in front of her. Towering over the petite blonde, almost predatorily. Something feral simmering just beneath the surface. Begging and demanding she know she can trust me. That I would never make the same mistakes from before. Although, logically I know it is too much to ask.
If she could just see my life without her, Maya would understand it was no life at all.
Crouching down, I rest my forehead to Maya's. Shutting my eyes, while I breathe her in.
She smells like my shampoo and some scent that is just Maya. It leaves a warm feeling in my chest, to know she smells like me, thinking my bed must smell like her too… And I just don't want her to go.
"I want to kiss you," I whisper thoughtlessly. Fear turning my blood cold of what my confession could bring.
Silence…
For more than a minute, nothing is said. No sound is heard. I don't believe either of us even breathed.
I open my eyes to have Maya's large doe ones staring at me purposely,
Licking her lips sinfully slow, she brings a pearly white tooth to pierce the bottom one. Jutted out, it begs me to suck into my mouth. Ignoring those impulses, my eyes track every feature, rubbing slow circles on her back where my arm rests.
"Why?" She finally offers, still not moving away.
"Because I love you…" I reveal without hesitation,subconsciously holding her petite body tighter.
Again, trying to commit every moment to memory as best as I can.
Pulling away gently, Maya moves her hands to meet mine behind her back. Lacing our finger firmly in font of us.
"Do you remember what you told me yesterday at the lighthouse?"
My brows Furrow curiously at the dismissal of my deceleration of love. "I said a lot yesterday"
"I don't show many people that spot. And honestly, after everything that went down between us, I genuinely don't know why I showed it to you. Yet, I did" One small hand rises to my chest to softly press the area closest to my heart.
"I went on a tandem on how I felt about where we were and that I knew how little people understand it. I have heard them give spiel as their dismissal of my facination. However, You didn't tell me that it was okay or that it was my thing anyway, like most people have... You Asked me to show you… Now, I'm asking you to show me." There's a urgency to her voice. Trying to convey best possible how serious she was.
"It is easy to say 'I love you', Josh. It's an entirely different one to prove it. So, show me Neverland, Peter Pan. " Releasing my hands, Maya rises to her tippy-toes and presses a long sweet kiss to my cheek.
It is then that I fully understand the scope of what Maya is demanding of me.
Captured by her saphire prison I analyze the words she has just profested to me...
I can say I am sorry a thousand times. I can tell her 'I love you' as much as much as I'd like, but if I don't prove- just as Corey said the other day- the words I say, then I shouldn't say them at all. Because if I don't show them, they don't mean a thing.
Gracing me one last meaningful look, Maya leaves the apartment and alludes;
"You love me? Show me…"
Show me, Peter pan...
Bonus:
(Convo with Zay)
Maya shuts the door as quietly as she can,jumping up onto the mattress a tad too tall for her height. Lowering the phone volume substantially as she listens to her best male friend reprimand her further.
"I swear to God, Curly, when I see you! What the hell is wrong with you, Maya. Not a single call?" He finishes, fuming strong enough for Maya to feel the heat radiating through the distance.
Though, the thought of it having more to do with the long smooth body she had spent the better part of all night with, was a more likely culprit to the butterflies swarming her stomach violently.
"Are you done yet?"
"Not even close!"
"Will you please stop arguing with me, Zay. I am safe. Josh got beat up last night after head guys went after me and drank a little after and neither of us were really thinking straight enough to call. I'm sorry. I'll give you and peaches the details when I get home."
In one breath Maya renounces the information fluidley. Pinching the cloth on her legs. Not recognizing the clothing at first, before realizing they must be Josh's.
"Wait… You slept in his house?" Zay whispers scandalized, suddenly morphing into a middle aged suburban mother I'm the eye of Maya's imagination.
"Yes, but nothing happened."
"Huh,"
"Don't sound so surprised!"
"Maya, honey, this is your first and possibly current love. You can't blame me for thinking impulse control wasn't really your strong suit with this guy. Especially when you consider your past." He notes Sympathetically, "Didn't you jump on his head once?"
"Are you laughing? Stop, jerk! I can restrain myself, thank you very much." The blonde sneers fighting a vengeful blush.
"I'll be home, soon. You can analyze the entirety of yesterday after this hangover is brutally murdered." Groaning, she digs the heels of her palm painfully into her eyes. Desperate to relieve all pressure.
"Now that I know you're safe, you just have to tell me about yesterday. I don't think I can wait!" Zay paces the shared guest room of the eldest Matthews giddily. The curiosity on top of the previous-but now discarded-worry making him antsy.
"Think you're gonna give him another chance, Curly?"
"Ugh, I haven't the faintest idea, Zay. I mean we have another not-whatever, but this one is his prerogative so-"
"Wow, another. That means something."
"I don't know, Z. It was more of a: I can't believe I got you beat up please let me make it up to you type deal. I was even surprised he agreed."
Laying back onto the quilt, Maya buries her nose in the scents surrounding the room, surpressing a delighted moan at how utterly delicious it all is.
If only 15 year old me could see us now…
"I think you should stay today."
"What? Are you insane?"
"Seriously, if you wanna see how you guys behave in private situations just as much as public this is your chance, just for a little."
"For someone who supposedly wants to pursue me romantically, you sure do push me into the arms of other suitors often enough."
Chuckling genuinely, Zay shakes his head at Maya's naivety. She still doesn't understand his main prerogative is always to have her happiest first.
"Ha! What can I say I have layers. I'm like an onion" Zay rebuffs with a laugh.
"Okay, Shrek" The artist snorts, recognizing the reference instantly. Glad that Zay is truly on her side, literally no matter what. If the current conversation is anything to go by. Still, she can't help the guilt constantly present when they discuss the youngest Matthews brother. Fully aware that it must somehow affect him, regardless of what he claims.
"Listen, do what feels right, Curly. I just… I have a feeling like you have to be sure about everything to do with Josh. And If you ever do decide you want me, I want you to be 100% sure. Okay?"
Nothing is said for a while before Zay checks to see if the blonde is still there.
"Maya?"
"Y-yeah. I'm here. Just thinking… Maybe I'll stay for a little while. I'll text you before I leave."
Nodding though she can't see him, Zay allows a confused cocktail of happiness for his friend and a very dull, nearly unfeeling pang. Something he has become very familiar with, that he really believes brings him no pain. The familiar feeling that Josh Matthews may be an ass whole but one that Maya will never fully let go.
He saw the look on his face the other night at the house and the same at the carnival. There's no way the man wasn't regretful of the things he had done. While Zay may not fully trust the older mechanic, he trusts Maya to make her own decisions, as well as caring enough for to push her towards the older man, if only for her to be happy. For that he will put aside any level of hate he holds for Josh and the things he's done to his friend.
"Be safe, Curly. Okay? Call me if you need me"
"I will"
With a deep breath, Maya attenotsto slow down her heartbeat. feeling it accelerate at the thought of being with her first love, alone. Again.
"Okay, okay, okay. You can do this, Maya."
The blonde chants incesively. Shaking her limbs loosely, before taking another breath and opening up the door to face her single greatest weakness.
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Okay! So that was chapter 13, I really hope you liked it.
It was my first time writing anything remotely steamy, please tell me if it was utterly dreadful so I can refrain from doing more while simultaneously working on making it better.
Thank you again for all the comments. They really do inspire me to do better. I tried to include a some things you guys suggested best I could.
This one also came out longer than expected, but I figured if people rather enjoyed the longer chapters I'll make more of a effort out of it. I'll make my decision on that front based on response.
Again let me know about the Nickname now that it's been cleared up, bye lovelies!
See you next chapter! We finally get another Riley, Maya, Ava and even Sarah. With a nice heavenly dose of Joshaya fluff, so stay tuned.
~Geni
