Hello, Loyal readers.

There's is no excuse! I am so sorry.

It was my last weeks of vacay and I just had to take advantage of the abundance of free time that came up before the start of the semester, so I basically did everything but write. Then school did start and I was disturbingly unprepared for how busy I would be. I had so much freaking fun writing this chapter, though! I hope you guys like it. There's really not much preamble for this chapter, however something is hinted at a bit Heavily, that answers the wtf is gonna happen with the Zay thing (which had been my plan from the get-go).

There are so many time breaks and Skips in this chapter, it's ridiculous! But it's my story so that's the way it had to be. Also the only big thing that's important is the person I envisioned as Sarah. She is the actress who plays Maya (Sabrina's Carpenter) sister; Sarah Carpenter. I think you guys are really gonna like her.

Thanks again for all the comments, I loved reading every one of them.

I sorta don't even have a clue if this is one of my best written chapter or one of my worst. its up to you guys. Either way I hope you enjoy.

Now, without further adieu Chapter 14!

Enjoy!

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Chapter 14: Everything I need.

Maya's POV

I lay down staring holes into the cracked plaster for a long time. Pleading for an answer to appear on the white ceiling. To rescue me from the self inflicted torture brewing in my mind. Allowing the lumpy cushions to wreak havoc on my tight muscles, I squeeze my eyes as tightly as I can. Willing my longing to ease itself from my body as I struggle to find sleep.

The past evening plays behind glassy eyes like a movie. A vivid splattering of images twisting and turning something powerful through my chest.

Messy brown hair and easy smiles so persistent in its beauty I feel myself fall further into my mind. Drowning in my confusion.

I can still feel his hands. Taste his breath. Recall with perfect clarity how close I had come to letting him kiss me. And I wonder, in the dead of night about more than I have let myself in ages. Clutching a ridiculously giant banana into my side, fabricating his warmth best I can.

What if I had? Would he have tasted the same?... What if I had?

I stared half the night onto that ceiling, eyes burning with unshed tears as I entertained the thought of going the rest of my life without kissing those lips ever again.

And honestly, I don't believe I can.

But fuck, if I wasn't going to try.

Ugh…

A sharp pain stabs into my back wickedly, rousing me from my not so wistful sleep.

It was worth it though, so I invited the pain.

Call it a penance, if you will. Payment for my instinctual- foolish- actions these last few days (And probably years.)

After spending the better part of the day wrapped up in everything Josh. His home, his arms… His bed. The mere idea of being anywhere else left me paralyzed.

Leaving was my only option if I wanted to explore a platonic relationship with the younger Matthews brother, but that didn't mean that every cell within my body wasn't weeping at the mere idea of having to go.

This strange consuming feeling crashed through my body like a tsunami when I left Josh's lower Manhattan apartment. A solid absence resigning in my chest. A feeling of not only missing the person or place you left behind but also missing who I am when I am there-anywhere-with him.

With my nose buried in the bright yellow cloth of Beanie, I subconsciously hug him tighter to my body. Josh's faint cologne still clinging to the fabric even days later.

I pretend not to recognize the warmth of comfort that washes through me. A small smile tugging at my lips as Josh's grinning face is painted behind my eyelids. The domestic and peaceful day before lingering in my thoughts, heavy with desire and that familiar easy happiness that Josh always seemed to wear like an article of clothing rather than a feeling.

Prying my eyes open, I turn towards the open end of the couch. I am drawn from the dizzyingly thoughtless joy that Josh has recently dominated in my mind, by a deeply irritated Zay.

"Hey.." I croak out. Voice rough from sleep.

Narrowing his eyes pointedly, I feel a chill battle against the warm thoughts that had just been swimming through my head.

Sitting up, I listen to the district pops of my cracking back. Knowing somewhere deep in my bones that something wasn't alright.

"Morning to you too, Sunshine" I say sarcastically to his lack of response, attempting at relieving the suffocating tension.

Zay doesn't move from his spot across from me. Pulling his phone out and typing in a few characters.

After a silent moment I hear my blaring ringtone come to life.

Carry on my wayward son!

there be peace when you're done!

Lay your weary head to rest!

Don't you cry no more, No!

Slowly moving my hand to bellow where a pillow sat, I pull out my cell phone from beneath It.

"Oh, so it does work!" Zay accuses sharply. Turning towards the kitchen, a look of pure rage contorting his face violently. Causing his almond colored eyes to darken further.

"Zay-"

"When did you even get home, Maya?"

"Not too late." I hesitate, knowing fully well, I had spent the better part of two hours (In addition to the half hour to get to Corey's from Josh's apartment) walking around aimlessly with the single purpose of avoiding my best male friend. Very aware, that by ignoring of all his messages since yesterday morning, could only mean an argument.

I had decided to spend the entire day in the company of the only man who managed to break my heart, rather than the few hours I had promised. It would've been naive to think something consequential wouldn't follow.

Returning home would mean going to bed. And going to bed means lying beside Zay. Something we had been doing when necessary since freshman year. It has never really meant anything before. Nothing more than having a comfortable place to sleep. It's not like we share a room in our shared apartment. Nothing more than a shared wall. But for some unknown nagging reason the thought of going back to the Matthews' and laying beside the one person who's had my back since the very beginning, well, it makes me physically sick. As if I'm somehow betraying Josh. As if,if I were to, I'd be sabotaging any possible future we could have.(Not that I believed we would have a future… But I guess hope is never so lost it can't be found.)

It didn't make sense, but the persistent nauseous feeling is what lead me to sneak into the dark city apartment and lying quietly on the rough sofa in silence. Wishing it was a different, blue one found on the other side of town.

Suffering through an internal battle of fear and hope, I stared blankly into oblivion contemplating all the signs that support Josh actually trying.

I found myself moving without my permission. Tiptoeing through the guest bedroom, flinching with every creak the floorboards made below my bare feet. Maneuvering through the room, my eyes catch the neon yellow of the desired object. Moving toward the toy and holding it to myself as I made my way to the door. Glancing back just once to ensure that Zay was still asleep.

Convinced I was in no danger of waking him, I pushed away the ball of guilt swirling in my stomach and closed the door as quickly and quietly as I could. Padding down the corridor, moving towards my bed for the night. Inviting dreams of a man I've tried so hard to erase, disregarding all my doubt in favor for embracing every desire.

I could feel the anger rolling off of Zays' shoulder in a blazing frenzy. It seemed he couldn't get away from me fast enough.

Heavy footfalls beat against the wood as he moved to the kitchen.

"Bullshit!"

Instantly I felt the sleep slide from my body like a blanket. Irritation swiftly replacing my veins haziness with sizzling fury.

Taking a controlled breath, I refrain from shouting 'I don't need to give excuses to anyone, including you.'

Instead choosing to say tightly,"Zay, calm down. It's no big deal."

"Did I do something? Are you mad at me a-and this is your way of getting back at me? Because if that's the case then I am sorry for whatever I did. I am. Now please stop acting so freaking reckless, Dammit!"

"Watch it, Zay!" I warn darkly, " And what are you talking about? I am not mad at you."

"So tell me, why did I wake up alone?" He contests, raising a single eyebrow in contempt.

The lights from the kitchen shone down above his head illuminating his anger all the more. The steely seriousness of our argument sending a nightmarish chill down my spine.

I think of telling him he truth.

Of honestly confessing I wasn't willing to put either of us in pain just by laying beside each other. I was aware that Zay could read me as easily as I could read him. It wouldn't take long at all for him to feel my rigidness beneath light covers. It wouldn't be long before he saw-truly saw- how pathetic I really am.

The words are right there at my throat. But what would I say?

With each passing day I become more and more sure that loving Josh is the only way I am allowed to feel in this world. And I am so disgustingly selfish I'm afraid if you were to know that, you and I will never be the same. So the thought of lying beside you- causing you to know and hate me as well as feeling as if I betrayed Josh made me sick. So I decided to sleep here.-Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. As much as I hated lying to Zay. Hurting him is worse.

"I fell asleep on the couch, Zay. It's no big deal.", I repeat, feeling my own anger passing slowly. More concerned with righting this awful wrong challenging our friendship.

"I'm not mad at you, Zay. I haven't done anything to hurt you"

At least not purposefully… At least not yet...

I watch as his shoulders relax, he leans over the kitchen table, palms up. A defeated look crinkling the skin of his forehead. I hate that look. More than that, I hate being the cause of it.

"Zay," I begin, taking small steps towards him. " I just wasn't tired when I got home and fell asleep reading fanfiction on my phon-"

"Stop it, Maya!" He snaps, turning fluidly to meet my startled eyes.

Several moments of choking silence abuses the air around us, yet I can see the surrender in Zay's stance.

He's never been one to stay angry at me, just as I never could with him.

His body turns to face me but his eyes stop somewhere behind me, before meeting my own. Tracking his eyes to where they were held, I recognize what he had directed his focus to.

There, peacefully innocent lays an obnoxiously bright yellow banana. Something he must not have noticed with my body having been practically on top of it when he entered the room. I turn back to him slowly, dred dancing vindictively through my veins.

Meeting my eyes, Zay bores into me. Instantly he knows. He it was a decision to sleep on the couch. He knows I'm lying. And he knows I did go into our room last night and made a conscious choice to find the closest existing object in that room, that connected me to Josh...In that look I can read that he knows I choose to sleep beside that, rather than him.

The expression on his face is indiscernible. Even for me; the one person who knows him best.

"You do realize this is me that you're talking to, right? You can't lie to me." I feel my eyes flash with my own anger, once again. The familiar defense rising up my throat.

"You can't tell me what to do, Zay."

Throwing his head back towards the ceiling, I watch him visibly shake as he straightens his back. A twin reaction bubbling to the surface within me too. A deep seeded sensation of dread swarming my head. It's too freaking early for this.

I hate fighting with Zay.

"We don't do that. We don't lie to each other, Maya. I've never lied to you, so I can tell you when you shouldn't. You and I have always kept it 100 with one I won't have you ruining that!" Running a trembling hand through his hair in frustration. Zay shakes his head once again as he walks past me towards the door.

"Where are you going?!" I demand. Feeling myself lose control of the situation.

"I need to get some air."

"Zay-"

"No, Maya. I told you I trusted you to make your decisions. And I wasn't lying when I said that I have your back regardless of who you choose. But going off and disappearing for entire days wasn't part of the deal! You don't get to go out and leave me here to worry about what's going to happen to you after being with him"

"I thought you trusted me!" I shout.

" , Maya! Not him!"

Without another word Zay swings the big mahogany door open and slams it shut without a glance back.

Fuck!

Tears pool past my crystal blue eyes and I blink them back best I can. I shouldn't have allowed myself to get so lost in my thoughts.

Zay's shouts were still vibrating through my rib-cage when Riley walked into the living room. Clad in a casual dress and flats. Her chocolate eyes hold a sorrowful underlayer. Shoulders sagged slightly as she took in my red-rimmed eyes. Clearly she heard what happened.

Zay and I hadn't exactly been discreet, but thankfully-and this is why Riley above anyone else is my best friend- could read on my face that I needed a distraction.

Smiling sympathetically, Riley stepped forward confidently. Taking my hand in hers and tugging me in the direction of the Guest Bedroom.

"C'mon, Peaches. We're gonna pick up Sarah and Ava. Get us some brunch, hmm yeah?"

She doesn't let me answer before I find an outfit strategically placed in my , I allow myself to be coaxed into a sweetheart top and artfully ripped jeans. Stuffing my feet into some boots.I vaguely acknowledge the new level of height I normally marvel in before leaving and trail behind my oldest friend.

The few precious moments of silence Riley gifts me, permits me to come to a disarming epiphany.

Yes, I felt my heart tear at the idea of Zay being angry with me. And yes, I wanted to shake with guilt as well as anger- frustrated because I thought he understood, he said he understood! And angry because he obviously didn't. However, in the next moment I just knew the guilt I felt was more so that I could tell he was hurting than for guilt of what I had done.

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It only takes twenty minutes to reach my mother and Sean's Apartment. It takes twelve for Riley to awaken the light back in my eyes.

The clicks of my boots are echoing through the staircase of the building when Riley finally brings up what we are both trying to forget.

"Zay was pretty loud this morning…" The brunet awkwardly declares. Fiddling nervously with the loose strands of her chestnut colored hair.

I roll my eyes endearingly, taking notice of the sheer effort it is taking her to not just sit us down on the center of the staircase and forcefully comfort me.

Grasping loose strands of hair between two fingers I avoid her good-natured investigation, raising them further behind my neck to trace the lines of my tattoo.

"So your house is still being fumigated I see. When are you and Lucas moving back in?"

"Maya…"

Sighing, I roll my eyes. Figuring it best to just get it over with. "Yeah. He may be a little crossed with me."

"Because of josh? I thought it was his idea for you to stay with him yesterday."

"It was." I admit, shame coloring my tone. I may not feel bad for what I did. The two days with Josh had their tense if not fully awkward moments but-just as everything that has to do with the man- it was Beautiful, so I just couldn't bring myself to regret them no matter how much I should. Still,I couldn't rid myself of our argument this morning. I could have handled it better.I know that.

"So was the trip to Montauk, but what he didn't suggest was for me to disappear for two whole days, Riles. I can't blame him for being angry... I fucked up"

The door is right in view when a pale petite hand comes up to squeeze my shoulder. "Maya."Riley uses that soft, 'I'm on your side but you're wrong' Voice. A plethora of middle school memories assault my brain at its use and my heart clenches.

"You didn't do anything wrong, and somewhere in that head of yours you're hurting yourself over something you know isn't your fault."

"Riley-"

"No, Maya. You and Zay have a really strong bond, I don't think it's going to end over this. It was just a stupid fight. Don't blame yourself. Just give each other time. He'll come around, Maya"

Nodding miserably, we step up to the brightly colored door and knocked a handful of times.

"Thank You, Riles"

Her smile is blinding,"Always."

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Sarah is beyond overjoyed. Skipping around beside us. A shocking contrast to the shy mumbling girl who we just picked up from mom and Seans place. But just as I knew,all she needed was a few bonding moments to acclimate herself to the eldest Matthews sister.

Plus, how hard is it really to get along with Riley?

"It is so amazin' to finally meet the Riley Matthews!"

Riley' eyes were as wide as her smile. Pleasantly surprised by the turn in Sarah's personality. "It's so great to meet you too! Maya has told me a lot of stories about you."

"All bad, I'm hope'in." Sarah smirks, shooting us both a wink.

Tossing my head back in a laugh, I link my arms with the two brunettes and am so glad I have them to distract me from what could've been a very self destructive afternoon.

"And all 100% true."

For a moment I felt weightless. A vacant portion of myself missing somewhere in the abundance of joy consuming me in presence of my sisters.

And Riley and Sarah truly were as close to sisters as anyone could get.

Thanks to them, if only for just these moments; I didn't think about Josh or Zay or about all that pain I suffered at either one's right now, I am just a woman spending her time with her girls. Relishing in their company as I so adored. With no drama, no confusion, no hurt...

Riley gave me a side look from my left, smirking knowingly, "Don't look too happy, M"

Sarah and I both raise a curious eyebrow challenging the other brunet,

"We still have to pick up Ava from play practice..." Opening up her mouth in fake shock with a mocking gasp and an amused smile flashing her teeth, Riley backs away wiggling her eyebrows.

Sarah barks back a rambunctious laugh of ignorant joy. I feel a giggle rise through my chest as well. Contorting my face into pseudo disdain, I shift my attention to Sarah.

"Don't laugh you pixie! You haven't even met her yet. So I suggest you don't kid, until after she's been released into the wild."

Sarah shot me a scandalized look, unlinking our arms to slap me."Hey! I'm like a freakin' inch shorter than you. And she cannot be that bad, Drama Queen!"

Chuckling evilly, I clutch my arm with my now free hand. Running it up and down as I move away. Jogging slowly so I am ahead of the two women.

I turn around so I am now walking backwards, preparing my stance in case I have to run.

"More like a foot" I taunt, watching as Riley shakes her head, grinning at our shenanigans.

"You're wearin' heels, you biatch!" The country firecracker shouts outraged, starting-just as I thought she would- in a running position to chase after me.

Our laughs and smiles blur into the background of the city noise, the weird looks from passing patrons meaning very little to that weightless feeling I hadn't known I missed so much. Riley runs after us too. Giggling uncontrollably just as Sarah catches up to me-damn heels!- and hops onto my back, proceeding to make me carry her piggyback all the way to the train station.

Yeah… today was gonna be a good day.

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We arrive at Columbia university at around twelve. Standing aimlessly by the front gates for Ava, chatting among ourselves.

It brings me an indescribable amount of appreciation and satisfaction that the two people in the world who I consider my sisters are getting along so well.

Being with Riley and Sarah has been distracting- in a good way- to say the least. But, there's just so long I can go without finding something that reminds me of him.

It's almost like he haunts me. Like the actual thought of him has unfinished business with my soul.

It's never anything lavishly relevant. It can be the shape of a cloud or a crack in the plaster of some random building.

Or as it was today; a vague, nearly unheard argument existing in hushed rage between two young lovers on the train.

His name rockets into my mind like a in-suppressible collision. It varies from bringing me elation and bringing me sorrow. Still, the misery at seeing these two strangers, drawn into their own vacuum of space, existing all on their own… It reminds me of all the times I've lost myself within Josh's gravity. Defenseless against his pull, as I orbit his beauty, gasping for his love as if it were oxygen.

And always opposed to my better judgement; I know in my heart of hearts,that I have never stopped loving Joshua Matthews.

Yet, that same level of unflinching devotion I had felt for him is no longer there.

It was replaced.

Ripped out and rewritten as an unyielding sense of fear.

It only got worse when the nameless couple inevitably made up. One second spewing venom in their muted corner of rage, the very next I watch as the petite redhead shoves the man before her, moving to stand, but he grabs onto her wrists. Whispering something that she must have found worth staying.

I stared, glad Riley and Sarah were so engrossed in whatever conversation they found themselves in, to pay attention to me and my clenching heart.

I watch entirely enthralled, biting my lip sharply as my rebellious mind swaps out these strangers with two very familiar faces. Just like magic, I observe this stranger,drag what must be his girlfriend into his lap, saying god-knows what, until her frown shifted into a grin. A mess of octopus arms clutching one another, in a way that wouldn't suggest they had just been at each others throats just moments before. Moving to be kissed breathless instead.

Blinking quickly, I shake the image of rosy pink lips pressed desperately against mine. Heat moving through my body-and not in a way appropriate for public transport.

Trying not to, only made me think of Josh more. Prompting an endless stream of memories from even before I came back. Where we have gotten in each others faces, bringing out the grittiest most raw parts of ourselves and remaining intimate all the same.

It hurt.

Because, despite what my imagination could lead me to believe, unlike that seamless couple on the other side of the train-car. Josh and I have never- and if I listen to my brain, will never- have that solution to the intimacy that crackles against the flames we ignite in each other.

It hurt more than I could possibly comprehend.

It was that pain that led me to understand, that though above most things I fear what Josh could do to further break my heart, it only solidified just how much I care for him.

I can understand that it's not always the fluttering nerves and goosebumps that tell someone you are in love with them… sometimes it's the pain. And the willingness to endure it.

"Hey, what are thinking about, Peaches?"

Riley is beside me before I can think of an excuse. Trying to escape the onslaught of all thoughts Josh and love. I turned to see both hers and Sarah's concerned faces.

Feeling myself shake the stiffness from my body, letting a smile possess my features to put them at ease.

The words 'nothing' just about to leave my tongue when Ava appeared. Clad in an ole' renaissance style floor length dress and a full face of powder white makeup.

"What's up bitchez!"

Riley and I share a meaningful look before crossing our arms and looking the teen up and down.

"Would you like to go first, or shall I?"

Tilting my head toward my best friend I grin like a child, "Oh, please let me go first."

Ava rolls her eyes,"If thou wilt needs marry, marry a fool; for wise men know well enough what monsters you make of them."

Sarah was the only one to laugh,

"Daammnn! That was good." Sarah snickers. Dragging Ava's attention from mine and Riley's confused yet amused faces.

"A little more than kin and less than kind." The teen enquirers. Still clearly not knowing who Sarah is.

I really shouldn't have been so surprised Sarah was playing along. Or that she apparently could recite lines from Shakespeare's 'Hamlet'.

"How now? A rat?"

"I am pigeon-livered and lack gall" Ava replies looking impressed. Raising both brows at the nearly excited smirk that pushes a sparkle into my baby cousins brilliant blue eyes.

"A beast no-more!"

There's several seconds of silence before Ava breaks character, stepping towards the brunette and slinging an arm over Sarah's shoulders.

"I like you."

"I get that a lot."

"No way, me too!-"

"Oh my God, there's two of them!" I offer in a false scandalized whisper. Taking the attention from a bemusedly dazed Riley and two drama nerds.

"Oh screw you, Maya!" Sarah shouts sticking her tongue out.

"Oh, I really like this girl!" The blonde teen declares with an excited squeal, "Who are you? This group needed someone else cool."

"Excuse me? Firstly, her name is Sarah and she's my little cousin. Secondly, you two just recited Macbeth in the middle of the street, how cool can you possibly be?"

"And have you looked in the mirror?" Riley adds.

Clearing her throat, Ava lifts her chin high and smiles brightly as to inform us, "Firstly," she mocks before cackling like a mad woman, "That was 'Hamlet'. Secondly,always be a stiletto in a room full of flats, ladies."

"You're insane" Sarah praises, like a compliment.

"Oh, totally! Though,I prefer creative."

"Alright, Mrs. Creative. Let's go before I die of starvation."

Riley moves forward drawing us towards a casual lunch spot. Assuming no other place would let Ava through the door adorned in her Ophelia garb.

The conversation follows no rhyme or reason after that. Dipping in and out of significance as we exhaust all forms of discussion.

Commending Ava on her lead performance in a college play despite her age and highschool status,and Sarah on her new job in such a different place than she grew up. The topics spearing as if from nothing. Refreshing more than anything else. To be so carefree and unafraid of revealing something that could potentially put myself at risk.

"So how's this Lucas, I've been hearin' so much about?"

"I bet perfect." Ava interjects. "Sarah, when I tell you that boy has been attached by the hip to Riley since middle school. I mean that seriously. My Auggie and I have only ever had eyes for each other that's rare! But those two, hmm. They're forever."

While Sarah's attention is focused on the blonde, I notice from the corner of my eye the stiffness that adopts Riley's back. The smile that had been playing softly at her mouth, freezing in place and not reaching her eyes. Furrowing my eyes pointedly, she turns to shake her head quietly, efficiently ignoring the concerned look I shot her way.

I make a mental note to question her on that, at a more appropriate time.

"Aww, that's so sweet. Do I hear weddin' bells ringin'?"

Laughing rigidly, I feel the need to change the subject. Stealing the attention from Riley, I meet Sarah's bright blue eyes. "What about you, shorty? Still dating that British guy?"

"Oh? There's a british guy?"

"Stop makin' fun of my height Maya! We are literally the same height." She demands with a light smile, ignoring Ava's comment.

"Yeah, okay.", I purse my lips, mockingly rolling my eyes before a sharp smack meets my bare skin.

"Ow! Will you stop hitting me?"

"Will you quit height shaming me!"

"Stop avoiding the topic. What happened between you and Balthazar wannabe?"

"God I wish you'd stop callin' him that. And you know I've never seen Supernatural. Those references go right over my head." She giggles. Pinching the bridge of her nose before giving a look that says she so done with me. "Collins and I sorta ended things last fall"

"Last fall? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't relevant..."

Trailing off after her sigh, shooting me a glowing grin, but I could just tell there was more to that story. Could read in her eyes a forced avoidance, screaming to be let free. A look, I myself neglected to face in the mirror for more years than I could count.

But again, not the time, place or audience to have such a discussion. I file another mental reminder beside Riley's, to check on them both.

"Did everything end okay?" Ava presses gently.

Sarah shrugs and smirks, this time it does meet her eyes, "Oh yeah. It was real simple, girlies. It was...religious differences."

"Religious?"

"Yeah. He thought he was god. I didn't." She chuckles, " I remember at the end he seriously thought his dick was a gift to humanity. I assured him it was not. Shit, Maya's got heels bigger."

"Bet the heels feel better too." We all erupt into small laughter falling back into comfortable territory.

"Before getting into anymore ex boo talk, let's asses how on everything that is good and holy, why are you still wearing that awful, awful dress, A?"

"What are you talking about? I look fabulous!" She exclaims loudly, flailing her arms in awkward sharp posses.

"You look twelve." I deadpanned. Sending a wink at our waitress standing by the hostess while watching our table like a reality T.V show.

"Yeah, on a scale of 1 to ten!"

"I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong." I smirk.

Riley and Sarah are laughing between us, trying to behave polite as our food makes it to the table. Though even the waitress has a creeping smile threatening to break through.

"Hey, listen, I'm not a narcissist, Maya. And I know looks aren't everything. But I have them at all times just in case."

The blonde teen counters, picking up a fork and dropping it to the table like a mic drop, looking very pleased with herself.

The waitress loses it! Snorting loudly, before quickly standing straight and apologizing. Scurrying off into the kitchen.

I school my face into a concerned expression,"Does it hurt your back, kissing you own ass that way?"

Ava gaps at me in shock, opening and closing her mouth until deciding to stick her tongue out at me as her best response.

"So, do they always do this?" Sarah inquires, facing Riley.

"Oh like you wouldn't believe! Once we visited her in Cali and we were kicked out of three stores."

"No!"

"Yup" The older brunette says to the younger. Popping the 'p' and she takes a sip from her cup.

"Umm, hello!" Ava interrupts, "We're right here!"

Placing her cup on the table and reaching over and pinching the teens check softly, Riley replies in a baby voice,"Yes, you are!"

Ava shakes off her hand and we all once again engage in a fit of giggles, picking at our food belatedly.

"Plus," I voice, " that was all Ava's fault, I was just an innocent bystander."

"Okay, well I certainly don't believe that."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Peaches, I love you, but… You're… You"

"Me?"

"Sorry, Cuz, but you are a bit impulsive."

"No I'm not!" I deny, munching on my fires as we talk.

They each give me a amused look.

"I know how to control myself!" I quip around a exasperated chuckle.

"You absolutely do not!" Both Riley and Ava exclaim in unison. Riley sounding much more serious than Ava's incredulous laugh at the alternative.

"Shall I remind you of the Car that Lucas is still driving with a very deep 'Texan Whore' scratch living on all four doors?"

"God! No!" Sarah shrieks, covering her mouth in disbelief, "That Story is true?"

"Oh it's true, babe" Ava stresses, " And she went over it again a few times to make sure it didn't fade."

"Even the genital drawings?...Don't look proud!" Sarah reprimands, but there's no heat.

"I can't help it" I confess, feeling my cheeks pink up in happiness.

"But, I so can control myself." I try again.

This time all three women chime in to disagree, "You absolutely cannot!"

"Why do people keep saying that?" I mumble to myself.

"Who else told you that?"

It was an absent minded question. One I'm not sure which girl said. And just as the question itself was asked thoughtlessly, the answer was received just the same.

"Josh said so too." I elaborate,taking another bite of my food.

That's where the easy going nothing conversations come to a screeching halt. Where our lack of rhyme or reason is replaced with a series of questioning and confused thoughts.

Generally, I don't want to talk about it. However, I know Riley's been struggling with not making me talk things out and I know it may actually help to say it all aloud, acquiring the advice and opinion of the three closest women in my life.

So I conceded after slight protest. Spinning the long tail of the past 2 days and that night in Coney Island. Recalling in perfect clarity every word, every emotion, every fear, that has loomed over me in the presence of Josh Matthews since we left for Montauk.

I feel myself fall deeper and deeper into everything that he is. A symbol of something I may never have.

Every word coming out of my mouth echoes inside my mind, while the girls just listen.

As I tell my story I see the gaps. I can vividly perceive the absence of his touch. I can feel in those moments the distance between us. Right now and even then, on that sandy beach just breaths apart were able to translate into miles in seconds.

My toes curl when the longing then creeps up on me. A sudden desire to enter the memories themselves. To be within them, alter them where I am a Maya who's never been hurt by him. A Maya who loves and is loved by him. The Maya I leave behind each time I tell him goodbye.

The Maya I always want to be.

I tell them about every thought that plagued my every movement. Reciting my inner monologue like a book burnt into flesh.

I'm not sure how long we were talking and honestly it could have just been a couple minutes, but the sign of all of our eaten meals suggested it was more.

But no one complains so I continue.

I end it all with the argument from this morning. The ragged edges stabbing into my guilt knowing that all I've done is further confuse myself and worst of all,hurt Zay even if it wasn't my intention.

"Damn, Maya…" Sarah trails off after I finish.

"Okay,Well I have a few comments."

I chuckle shaking my head, "Of course you would, Ava."

"Firstly, screw you for lying about not knowing fandom lingo. I cannot stress that enough. Secondly, I still ship you with Zay. He was worried about you, that's why he was angry. That's a guy who loves you."

It was too late to conceal my flinch. Though she didn't say it outright, I could still sense what she meant.

That Zay loves me, but Josh doesn't.

I don't say anything for a minute, allowing Sarah to pipe in, "Well I can't wait to meet him. Either of them."

"Thanks Cuz" I smile meekly.

Riley places a silent hand to my shoulder, "What are you thinking, M"

Shutting my eyes I take a deep breath, "I don't want to live without, Zay. But,… I can't without Josh." I fight the tears ruthlessly blinking hard and fast against the water. "I've done it before. But if these last few days with him have told me anything. Its that I just don't think I could do it again."

"Maya-"

"I will, if I have to" I assure, "If all these things. The attention and the sweet nothings or that freaking college he made-I told you guys how beautiful it was right? Earth shatteringly so, but... If it all turns out to be some ploy or bored curious interest." I sigh, knowing my next words will hurt us all. "I'm never coming back."

I hadn't expect it to be Ava to say what she did, "He seems sincere, M"

Ava hadn't kept her disapproval for my affections towards the youngest Matthews brother a secret.

Chipping in her two sense in every lull in my story.

"Listen," she pauses, speaking softer than I've ever heard her, "My dad was always here and there when it came to my mom. Keeping her close enough so he could have her whenever he wanted, but hurt enough she never thought she could have anyone else. So, when my step dad came along and made her just so happy, I couldn't blame her for wanting to be with him at all times even if that meant me being alone, so she could go off to his business trips. I'm not saying that Josh or Zay are either of my dads. Just that sometimes I project and if i'm completely honest, from what you've told us it sound like he is trying to prove it to you. So don't listen to my personal biases. What is your heart telling you?"

I didn't even want to think of my heart. It's traitorous instinct to just forget it all and fling myself into Josh's arms, shines brighter than all of my doubts, but so did the reminder that it's because I listened to my heart so many years ago I find myself in my current predicament.

I'm left gaping before Sarah interrupts my lack of response.

The smile she held was betrayed by the distraught shine of un\-shed tears in her eyes, "I have only ever heard of one man talk that way 'bout someone and willin' to risk their own beliefs to be with them..."

"Sarah," I defend discerning the seriousness of what she meant.

"It's true though, Maya." She continues with a watery grin. " You can't say you don't see it. Can't feel the affinity between the two… You know the end of this story, cuz."

Her voice is sweet and patient. So much like aunt Jazz it makes my back bone quiver with sheer absence.

Riley and Ava quietly looked at us with intense interest, creases on both their foreheads telling me they were trying to piece together our conversation. Neither willing to interrupt.

"Um, I've gotta use the bathroom. C'mon Ophelia."

"No-but I wanna he-"

Riley rolled her eyes and took hold of the teens forearm. Dragging the grumbling blonde away to the toilets.

Sarah asserts forward unblinking, determined to make me see "And there is only one other woman I know of, who acted so on Instinct and against herself, she could never tell which side was up. Doing what she wanted despite what her head was tellin' her b'cause her heart spoke louder." The twenty year old pauses, keeping it light the entire time before she reveals what I already knew she meant, " Those two people were my parents. And nothin' was going to stop them from bein' together, Maya. Even themselves- even when they didn't want to be." Shimmering eyes drawn back to me, "You know that better than anyone, so why are you makin' yourself suffer?"

"Sarah, It's not the same." I urge gently, ignoring both her scoff and cocky smirk.

"Only difference I see, is mom and dad were never nearly as stubborn as you."

I take the jest for what it is. A clarification that this isn't some heavy conversation, but something she feels I must acknowledge.

Chuckling softly I let her know I understand,

repeating, "It's not the same story, Sarah"

"How? Where are the differences?"

"C'mon. Y-your dad never…- And, and your mom, She-she never…"

"The similarities are striking aren't they? Just face it. It's not as complicated as you think it is! I know you, and you are wickedly and unequivocally mistaken right now."

The pressure was blinding. The truth of it all hypnotizing as I permitted myself to even imagine for the smallest of seconds that maybe, just maybe she's right. Though the details of both stories are skew and not identical by any means, they can hold twin endings.

But, in my Maya-avoiding-her-feelings fashion; I strengthened my back and let the hope simmer behind me. To properly process later, when I'm alone and can dissect the idea more than it probably should be.

Because this isn't a place to cry. This wasn't in the audience to have such a revelation in front of.

I could see Riley and Ava making their ways back us from the corner of my eye. The nerves in my body begging me not to think too much. Not to let myself fall into that beautiful pool of illusions that can drown me in images of his inhumanly beautiful face.

These are my friends and they were doing their best to keep me sane and I was going to do my best to help them.

So I placed a mask on my face that was oh so familiar and cracked a joke.

"Bitch please, don't talk to me about mistakes. Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom Factory."

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

"I love you Sarah, but that shit was funny!"

Ava laughs outright, extending out her hand to high five me.

"Let's change the subject, shall we?" Riley helpfully suggests, around a smile.

Smiling, we all agree, "Sure, But can I borrow your phone real quick, Big Cuz, mines' about to die."

Relieved by the change in subject quickly agree, handing Sarah my phone and directing my attention to poke fun and Riley and Ava. "Sure no problem." I dismiss.

"I've got a good conversation piece! How about how irrational, and if I may add, mean! You and Maya are when drunk. If Riley's behavior is anything to go by I feel bad for Josh." Ava volunteers. Clearly still a little bothered from Riley's microphone joke from the other day.

"Ava I apologized to like a thousand times already."

"Plus everyone's say stupid things when they're drunk or hungover." I add, smiling smugly. Only slightly trying to justify my own actions.

The blonde crosses her arm pouting, "Yeah, well not to brag or anything but I don't even need alcohol to make bad decisions… Wait that's not-"

I snort beside Riley, throwing my head back at her comment, "You're such a dork!"

Riley and I are practically wheezing with laughter before Ava also joins in.

Eventually, after catching my breath I look up to see Sarah tapping excessively at my phone screen.

"What are doing?" I ask not very interested.

"Nothing"

That piqued my interest. Her tone was a bit more defensive than I found comforting.

"Sarah…"

"Yes?" She controls her voice,but I can feel the suspicion when she turns the phone from my view.

"Are you...texting?"

She wouldn't... would she?

"Yes?"

"Who!?" I move to stand, moving to snatch back the phone, but she's already up and running from the table (Thank God we were seated outside).

"Oh my God, no! Sarah!"

And for the second time today I was part of a chase with my little cousin.

We make it half way down the block before I saw my phone pulled up to Sarah's ear.

"Sarah, you little shit! Get back here." I shout weaving through people in the crowd as she circles back towards the resuranut.

"Hiya, Josh."

Oh my- please God tell me she didn't.

"My names Sarah- Oh, you have? All bad things I hope, Yes well."

"Sarah, don't do that bit and hang. Up. The. Phone!" I'm shrieking, but the sly devil is just too fast.

"Oh, pay no mind to that. Anyway, so you're in love with my cousin, huh?"

I think my heart stopped beating. "Sarah Ann Carpenter-Hart!"

"That's no-one." she dismisses panting, " So Maya is free tomorrow- huh, what about tonight? Perfect! She was planning on going to see Antman and I wouldn't want her to go alone. Great, she'll love that. Yup, you got it. Hope to meet you soon Josh, bye-bye"

My feet are beating against the concrete frantically, throbbing against the pressure. I've never hated being in heels so much in my life.

When I finally meet up with her, she is back beside our table. Chest rising and falling violently. My cell phone abandoned on the table as she leaned against a chair casually.

"Hey, Cuz. Where'd you go?"

"I cannot... believe... you just... did that!" My hands are on my knees as I try to catch my breath, raising my head best I can to glare at the younger girl.

She doesn't even look ashamed!

"Well believe it, baby! You're going out tonight and the four of us are going shopping to get you something to wear."

I straighten up not knowing whether to strangle her or cry. Riley tries again to hide her amusement, choosing to pay the bill rather than take Ava's approach of munching on nonexistent popcorn as if we were a film.

"Why would you call him?" I shout. Flicking my now mushed hair out of my face. An unpleasant cocktail of anxiety, annoyance and… excitement? stirring in my belly.

"Because." Sarah challenges, "You need a swift kick to the ovaries, Hart. Take the fuckin' plunge, release that fightin' smile and let's get you your man."

Sarah holds a smug grin as she moves to grab her wallet to give Riley her cut of lunch. The other two woman also looking pleased at themselves as they avoid my gaze.

As if in daze, I'm walking beside them again then hoping into a cab.

Three sets of eyes are boring onto the side of my face, breaking my resolve. "Stop smiling!" I snap, feeling the corners of my mouth twitch up.

All that does is cause Riley to crack up for no apparent reason. In and of itself contagious by nature.

"Why are you laughing?" I mange between laughs.

"Be-because! Sh-she'll probably marry into my family" she tells me pointing at Ava before moving to Sarah "But she's already part of yours!"

"I swear, I don't get enough credit for dealing with you three unmedicated"

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Guys." I whine insistently. Stomping my foot against the linoleum in obvious frustration. The small act of of irritated rebellion ignored by the three women currently subjecting me to something Riley dubed 'Maya-Barbie.

"Shh!" Sarah urges, pressing a thin finger to her lips before turning back to Riley and Ava.

Traitor

"I like the red."

"Yeah, but a dress like that could be too much. All things considered"

"Hmm. Okay, what about the short one."

"Oh! She looked really good in that one."

"Mhm"

The trio hummed in unison, turning their attention back to me, or more like to what they last shoves onto my body.

"Huh…"

I swear I heard some of my veins popping under my pressured irritation.

"Oh. My. God." I hiss impatiently, "It's clothing, people. Not the meaning of life! Please pick one so we can gooooo!" returning to the dressing room.

I march away from the encompassing full length mirrors to the small stall flooded with hangers and rivers of fabric.

The low tenor of conversation shifts into a shallow static in the background. A semblance that should have held the power to put me at ease- especially after the nearly infinite afternoon of shopping, threatening my already limited level of sanity. However the moment the silence, so contrasted from the previous hours of rambunctious teasing and laughs took me off guard.

Suddenly, I was alone with my thoughts.

Suddenly, without warning the reality that I was king on another date (or not-date, since it wasn't initiated by either of us) with Josh.

I realized I had sink to the ground, clutching my chest around scanty cloth and skipping heartbeats, around the same time I noticed the shining smile nearly splitting my face in two.

"Maya."

Riley's voice is sharp compared to the crashing tranquility that kept me hostage with my confused joy.

A sentiment so familiar it felt like going back in time.

"Yes?" I croak surprised. Clearing my throat in embarrassment.

"Try this one again."

I couldn't stop the groan that ripped the joy right from my lips.

Stretching my neck, I look towards the ceiling exasperated, "You three are insufferable!"

"Thank you! Now try it on." One of them offers, chucking among themselves.

Scrambling to my feet, I bunch the series of jeans, blouses and dresses into my arms hanging them onto their respective hangers, beat I could.

Clutching my original outfit, in still shaking hands, I dress myself in a frenzy. The impending three hours before my dat-not date- whatever! With Josh loomed over my head like a restive reaper.

Despite the fact I wish he didn't matter, or how much I wanted not to care and just cancel right then, I wanted to rush to the store clerk and purchase what the girls would think he'd like the most more. To scurry home and do something to this mess of hair and go off to spend another night with the man who has always been my greatest weakness.

All of which:abundantly clear was absurd and dangerous, but still undeniable with my burning need to do them.

Opening up the swinging door I give the girls a meaningful look. Met with identical smirks, Ava's being the largest. The petite teen, still wearing that attention grasping costume, struts up to the sales clerk handing her a sweet flowy sundress and strappy sandals.

"Alright, bitchez. Let's blow this popsicle stand" The blonde cries, linking arms with a giggling Sarah." let's get Princess Drama queen home to get that thing she calls hair under control and to her Prince Better late than never."

"1. Screw you both. 2. I'm a queen. And 3. Yeah. let's go. Thank you." I count off joking, taking the bag holding the clothes she just bought and giving her a one-armed hug before leading the way back to the subway.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

The last thing I expected to see when we returned to Corey' and Topanga's apartment was a distraught Zay. Hunched over the couch cradling his face in his hands.

I take in his abused eyes and slouched posture, face calling in response.

"Maya" He speaks breathlessly. "I am so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking or why I thought yelling at you was the way to go of course it wasn't an-and telling you not to lie to me- I mean I still stand by that but yelling at each other was never our thing either and I went against that-"

My feet are moving before I can fully register what I am doing.

My arms wrap around Zay's middle, clasping my hands together at his back. His own heavy arms circling my shoulders.

"I'm sorry too" I mumble into his shirt. Fighting the tears when he pats my hair affectionately.

"I shouldn't have lied."

"I shouldn't have yelled."

"No you shouldn't have. But I Forgive you, if you forgive me"

He pulls away to give me a blinding smile, trying to distract me from the water present in his eyes "Always with the ultimatums, Curly. But of course. There was nothing to forgive."

"Aww" Ava breaks our moment. Showing Zay that we aren't alone.

Chuckling he releases me, "Hi, Ava."

It's in that moment that time freezes. It's almost like a scene from a movie. I can almost imagine the romantic pop song playing in the background as the scene is captured in slow motion.

Zay's eyes bounce from each girl by the door, waving a hand in greeting as Riley and Ava move further into the living his brown meets Sarah's blue, at the very end by the entrance.

I believe I mentioned it before, how Sarah may be an unruly firecracker once you get to know her. But initially she's never seen that way- and this is why I believe it's a true gift when she gets out of her shell, as well as a spectacular surprise - because gone is that brazen, phone stealing, plan hatching badass from the day. Replaced with a blushing, sweet, just barely out of her teens girl. Currently refusing to meet the eyes of my best male friend and failing miserably.

I feel a bucket of cold water hit me. The immeasurable devious joy that courses through me becoming unhinged the second I realize that he can't take his eyes off of her either.

"Zay," I start smirking, "This is my baby cousin."

I take a step back, staring as they gravitate to one another. Zay's eyes still wide and Sarah's cartoon orbs finally meeting them with full force intensity.

"You must be Zay." The brunette points out timidly, shaking the boys hand gently. Fingers lingering longer than they probably should for virtual strangers.

"Yes. And, you must be, Beautiful- Sarah! Must be Sarah. I mean, you must be Sarah. Not that you're not beautiful. You're freaking stunning. Not that that's a come on or anything just that-"

"Zay," She snorts, interrupting him (Still not letting go of each other hands by the way), "You can stop talking now."

The tips of Zays ears turn bright pink, as he releases a shaky break, "Thank you."

Biting her lip, the sides of her eyes crinkle with her signature sunshine smile.

I must have squealed because Ava heard the famous fangirl battlecry of possible OTP candidates.

It took a single look for Ava to drop whatever was in her hands, grappling for my shoulder, squeezing tightly in her excitement.

"Oh my, God. Oh my,God. Oh my, God! I ship it so hard."

Well it didn't take much to deter my ship, huh?

"What are you guys talking about?"

Zay and Sarah have yet to stop staring into each other's eyes. Looking like a straight up fanfiction chapter come to life.

Riley stays oblivious, missing this clear display of interest. Choosing to marvel at my and Ava's attention, instead.

"How is she not seeing this?"

"I've got this." I promise. Grasping Riley's cheeks with one hand- much like from when were younger- and moving her face to the two objects of our scrutiny.

Shifting her face to their body language until, "Ooooh!"

"Uhuh." I prod, releasing her jaw.

"C'mon lovergurl, we have to get Maya ready."

The smaller blonde's shrill voice seems to shatter their trance. An adorable fluster possessing them both.

"Oh, yeah...Well I should probably help M-Maya get ready now."

There's a pause where nothing is said. Zay probably too distracted to really register what was said.

"Oh! Oh, yeah of course. Yeah, hehe sorry…"

"Um...Zay?"

"Yeah, Sarah?"

"I kinda need my hand back"

He drops her hand like it has the bubonic plague. A horrified expression transforming his features.

"I'm so sorry!"

"No need to be. You're pretty cute."

She walks off into what she is clearly assuming (correctly) is my room. Swinging her hips delicately to gain the older mans regard. Shyness forgotten, so a smooth Sarah can assume its place, while she sauntered off.

Ava pats Zays back sharply, pulling him from wherever his thoughts had taken him.

"Good luck man. You're gonna need it; she's worse than me."

Shrugging I follow the girls to my room, thankful Zay was too distracted to ask me why I was getting ready or for what?

Upon entering the room I could already see the course our topics had tilted to entertain.

That is if a laughing Riley and heavily blushing Sarah was anything to go by.

"Okay okay. Y'all had your fun. Can we all focus on getting Maya ready, please?"

Sharing a look, we decide to spare her… For the most part,anyway.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

I wish I could say my nerves were under control, but it would be blatant lie.

Sarah left almost fifteen minutes ago after trading polite pleasantries with Josh. Maybe smiling a little too deviously when she left, but I honestly shouldn't expect anything less.

Ugh, Josh. The cause of all of this. The person to push all the blame on.

Him and his stupid beautiful smile and towering height. That velvet voice of temptation just digging up long buried desires- okay. Stopping now!

I can feel my heart beats at my fingertips. The loose curls framing my face somehow constricting. This feels too much like a date.

Is this a date?

No it can't possibly be a date. Not with how casual this is.

Not that you're dressed casually.

Ah, yes. Mental reminder to never let those fashion monsters play Maya Barbie with me ever again.

Though-as fucking Always- josh looked good enough to devour. My baby blue sundress and shiny sandals overpowering Josh's(much smarter) choice of clothes. Dark, well worn jeans, a red Henley and a thin dark blue army jacket- that I am in desperate need of-slung precariously over his shoulders.

Shivers jerk my body to and from itself as I internally curse Ava for convincing me not to bring a sweater. Her argument of: 'It'll ruin the aesthetic of the outfit', meaning very little beside the persistent air conditioner wailing its presence through the theater.

Damn, it's cold!

Snickering internally, I recollect Sarah's kind words of wisdom. Josh's tree trunks stance seen from over a block away, slapping what must be our tickets against his palm in what looks like nerves.

Is he nervous about me? ..If only he knew just how nervous he still makes me.

"That's him" I whisper irrationally. He's more than far enough not to hear me.

"Where?" The younger girl asks.

Pointing subtly I lead her eyes to his pacing form.

"Sweet Jesus!"

"What!?"

"What the hell is in the water out here? Are all the men just breath takin'?" I roll my eyes, glad I have her here to keep my anxiety at bay.

Sarah continues, just as astounded as before, "One thing's for sure you won't need a sweater sitting next to that hot piece of ass."

"Sarah!"

"Oh bite me it's not like you don't have eyes, otherwise you wouldn't be in this situation, would you?."

I snapped out of my thoughts by Josh's towering shadow. Both his hands occupied with popcorn and our drinks.

I shoot up out of my seat to help him carry it all.

"Oh, let me help you."

"No, I've got it."

"No, no, please. I can-" I insist, placing a hand on his wrist.

Sucking in a startled breath at the stream of tingles rushing where our skin touched, I drop my hand slowly-not wanting to let go- shifting to really look at him.

"-help…" I finish breathlessly.

Much too belatedly for my poor racing heart to endure, I realize I haven't really looked into his eyes since we met up at the front entrance (Even then, it wasn't long enough to indulge in its beauty.)

Hypnotic swirls of blue, green, and brown dance seductively within those dangerous hazel eyes...So dangerous.

Blinking twice, I swallow thickly, letting the older man take his spot beside me before passing me my drink.

"Thank you."

Smiling in response, we sit silently, waiting for the previews to begin.

My only thought, playing on repeat like an insult.

Don't shiver. Don't shiver.

Though it sounded more like, Don't be weak. Don't be weak… Prove him wrong…

Josh sighs loudly, breaking the silence that draped over us.

I snap my head to the man in question, both eyebrows raised in concern.

The burnett's eyes are shut tightly. Hands wrung tightly together on his lap, "We could just, um-go. I-if you want?"

"..What?".

"I can tell you don't wanna be here, M. Your all rigid and stiff. It's alr-"

"I'm not rigid!" I contest. A dreadful fear of this ending before it properly began too strong to hold back.

"It's okay, Maya. I obviously know this was Sarah's ide-"

I'm shaking my head so fast I think my brain moved, words failing me before Josh motion to stand.

"I'm cold" I confess.

Several eyes turning to us. I try not to blush.

"...Oh?"

"I just didn't want to look cold. I-I wanna stay. I promise."

Chuckling richly, he smiles relieved. I look down.

"Why didn't you just-" Trailing off, I figure he understands my hesitancy.

I'm jolted to reality when a warm jacket is draped over my bare thighs.

His lavishly callused fingers scorches my skin in the most delicious burn.

Josh brings my face to level with his.

He's smiling but, it looks sad.

I'm surprised by how much that bothered me.

"Want some nerds?"

"I only eat the-"

"Purple ones." He interjects, shaking a box of neon purple, diabetes inducing sugar atoms.

"I remember."

I smirk, stifling the increased sense of pride. He remembers…

Nodding, I accept the candy and the change in subject alike.

"Should I be flattered?"

"No more than usual." He replies.

The low rumble of his voice puts my nerves at ease and more comfortable Than should be considering how dreadfully overdressed.

"Am I overdressed?"

"Impossible! Speaking of which, didn't you spend the day with Ava? I heard she perfected the definition of overdressed today."

"You heard about that." I insinuate feeling my shoulders relax, just slightly.

"Auggie texted me a picture when he got home."

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head recalling the day, "You'll never believe what happened when Ava and Sarah met. Oh my God!"

Easing ourselves into lively conversation, we discuss everything under the sun. Laughing easily-so easily I forget it shouldn't be like this.

"Pick up your hair." He mumbles out of the blue.

"I know you've got a hair-tie somewhere." Implying (Correctly) I don't leave the house without one.

"Why?" I ask trying not to be anymore self conscious.

"Because you're breathtaking regardless, and I can tell that you're uncomfortable. But don't worry, " Josh adds softly. Body fully turned to. "I can only tell because i'm looking"

"It won't go with the dress." I argue.

"So?"

"No, It's fine-Josh!"

Grinning absurdly big, he grabs the tie at my wrist and swivels me, so my back is to his front.

Swooping my longish hair into his hands he pulls my golden locks into a practical ponytail.

"There." The brunette declares, satisfied.

Twisting me back around before running a gentle thumb over my pale cheek reflecting my toothy smile.

"There you are, Gorgeous."

My knees transform into jello and I'm thankful we're sitting because I would have surely fallen over.

I open my mouth to reply, not entirely sure how I was planning to respond, just as the lights dim and the screen comes to life.

Josh's proud smile when he directs his attention to the silver screen,doing nothing to help my already racing heart.

I'm so screwed.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Overall, Amazing movie, but that ending!? As if Infinity War didn't do a sufficient enough job of ripping my heart out; the MCU decides let's emotionally violate the fandom further with that."

Flailing my arms exasperated, I am caught in a cinematic paradox of thoroughly bothered and passively satisfied.

Josh snickers beside me, piping in with his own theories and complaints just as enthusiastically.

At some point during our rant-full stroll through Washington park, his arm found its way around my shoulder. Unwittingly running his fingers over my (his) jacket covered arm.

"Do you have any nerds left?" I ask craning my neck up to look at him trying not to pay much attention to the intimacy sizzling within the moment.

"Oh, that reminds me!"

Josh stands closer shoving a hand into the inside pocket of his jacket still wrapped around me.

"Oh" I gasp unsure of what to do.

Grazing my sides with innocent bashfulness, Josh then pulls out a small box from the jackets pocket.

It's petite in size. Wrapped in intricate gold and silver patterned paper. An enormous sheer bow poorly executed and stapled forcibly to the cardboard.

Mouth agape I stare as Josh opens up the package to reveal a pink jelly bean, yellow peep, and a chocolate buttercup.

Furrowing my eyebrows in confusion, I accept the box from his hands, "O-okay, so what is this for?" I say strongly, though even I can hear the grinning in my voice. His own oozing joy as he watches my reactions.

"A piece of Easter candy for every year you've been away."

"Josh-"

"I made sure to get you your favorites. At least I hope it's still your favorite. These were the only ones you always took from my basket when we were kids, so..." Josh explained humbly.

"B-but how do you remember which?"

"I told you, Wendy Darling... I remember everything about you"

The seriousness whips between us before that dangerous part of me comes out to play.

"Not everything. Not more than I know about you."

"Oh? You wanna bet?"

"Please! I seem to remember a very familiar scenario where similar words were said right before somebody lost"

"I got to spend two days alone with you didn't I?" The man counters stepping so close to me I could feel the heat from his skin taunting me.

"Sounds like a win to me, Gorgeous."

"Let's see then, shall we?"

"Okay." Josh agrees, smiling. One hand casually tucked into his pocket while the other rose to caress my cheek.

"What are the terms?"

Paralyzed, I forget how to speak, still not used to him touching me, not only willingly but enthusiastically.

Aghast at how anything at all had the ability to lead us down a path of such intensity I'm reminded of how I had fallen in love with Josh's touch, never having felt his hands.

Utterly captivated by the magnified sensation of feeling touched in the literal sense.

Choosing to stare into my man's eyes, soaking in that sensation. Knowing it wouldn't last.

We stay there for a couple minutes,drinking the other in while the pad of his thumb runs across the apple of my skin.

I could have stayed that way forever.

Marveling at the masterpiece that is Josh Matthews. I wanted to plop down to the ground with some charcoal or chalk and immortalize him on the concrete.

But all good things must come to an end.

Josh steps even closer, leaning down his forehead so it's only wisps of air away from mine.

Heart thudding against my ribs, I lift my hand to his wrist,softly stopping him in place.

Josh takes two large steps back his eyes widening comically. I repress the urge to pull him back in.

"I'm I-I should, umm" He looks devastated...Afraid.

I hate it.

Interrupting him I decide it's best to skip out on this part.

Suggesting playfully, " If I win you do whatever I say."

Blinking a few times he's sighs before huffing a laugh of relief.

"As long as I get the same."

"Deal."

I don't have time to regret the word before its left my mouth and register with Josh's challenge.

Immediately i'm tormented by a slew of thoughts.

What if he wins? What if he asks to kiss me? What if I let him?

"So what are the rules?"

Calm down, Maya. I renounce to myself, shaking my head, There's no way he knows more about you, then you do him.

"Three questions each. First one to get a question wrong loses.

"All right." He confirms, too confident for my comfort.

"I'll go first, and no easy questions ,Wendy Darling."

Rolling my eyes I walk towards the big pedestal fountain at the center of the mostly vacant park.

Sitting on the chilly marble, I peer up at the beautiful man.

"First question." Josh murmurs. Sitting beside me the moonlight hitting him perfectly.

"What is my favorite Marvel superhero?"

"I thought you said hard."

"Just answer the question,Maya."

"It's a trick question, Boing. Your favorite Marvel characters are all anti-heroes not superheroes. Answer? Drum roll please?" I quip, smiling.

Josh startles me by jumping up and crouching to the floor resting his weight on his knees. He slaps his hands against the misty marble to imitate a beat over my laughs.

"Deadpool." I venture.

Seizing the slabs, the brunette looks up at me, resting his arm down where it brushes against my leg.

"Ding,ding,ding,ding! Correct!"

"Thank you, thank you, thank you. Now it's my turn... Hmm question number one" I pause, tapping my lip in false contemplation.

"When did I stop believing in Santa?"

" Pff. Too easy. ten."

"Ha! Nope. I was nine. I win," Singing triumphantly, I unconsciously move closer to him.

"Maya,you were ten." Josh argues.

"How are you telling me?"

"Because," he urges, "I remember after that little brat in your homeroom in fourth grade told you Santa Claus was everyone's parents, you had come to Cory's house furious, with your arms crossed and your pretty cheeks flushed bright pink. Just emanating detrimental rage.I mean, no child should look so scary!

You kept saying you were lied to,but you didn't want to ruin it for Riley so you whispered it in everyone's ear before bed, remember?"

Slowly the memory comes back to me.

The older man continues. Fully sheathed into the memory.

"Everyone was trying to cheer you up and convince you that the brat was the one lying and in true Maya Hart fashion- you have down to a perfect art- you wouldn't listen. Then-"

"Then that night you made your mom write on candy cane scented paper something about Amber- the brat- just trying to get more kids in the naughty list." I recall, gawking at him in dazed wonderment.

"You snuck into the guest bedroom that night, to leave me a secret gift just between me and Santa."

Nodding, Josh stands before reclaiming his seat beside me. Pulling his jacket tighter around my shoulders when he sees me shiver. I wish I had the courage to tell him it had nothing to do with the cold.

"You are so happy the next morning. But then the next year you caught me leaving another note and present at the foot of the bed."

"I can't believe I forgot that."

"I can't believe you think candy cane scented paper is a thing!"Josh cries amused.

"W-what do you mean?"

"I rubbed a candy cane on that paper for like an hour to get it to smell like that."

My features loosen significantly. While I try to speculate how any of this makes sense.

How can this man before me possibly be the same man who tossed me away? Disregarded me as a unwanted conquest of disinterest. Yet somehow all the while he was committing non-consequential trivia to memory for for someone he considered disposable.

It didn't make sense.

His words, his actions past and present made no sense. Nothing made any sense!...Except maybe the way he was looking at me… And the way those looks made feel.

My voice is light, the rare quietness of the city much too precious to jeopardize.

"Why?"

Josh then bites his lip sharply and doesn't move.

"Question number 2", He begins, ignoring my previous comment "Burger King or McDonald's"

"Ha!"

"This is a serious question, Miss Hart. Gospel even!"

"Okay, okay, okay. I apologize Mr. Matthews. How will I ever redeem myself in those beautiful colorful eyes."

"...Are you blushing?" I exclaim.

"No."

"Oh my God! Did I make the Joshua-Stop- flirting-with-me-Maya-Matthews blush!?"

Is he blushing harder?

" . Not."

"Is it because I said you have beautiful, colorful eyes?" I taunt in a sweet voice.

"No!"

"Aww you're so cute!"

" I'm not- Y'know what? Fine. I'm blushing! Happy?"

"Aww" I gush, standing to be in front of him stating amused, "You blush."

"So do you!" Josh defends.

"Nope!" I gloat, pulling the hair tie from my head and letting my hair fall just to flick it over my shoulder dramatically, "I guess I just have more willpow- Ahhh!-Josh!"

Defined tan arms loop around my waist pulling me between mile long legs.

"What are you doing?" I gasp.

Smirking smugly, Josh doesn't say a word.

He moves his big warm hands to the side of my naked thigh,hiking it up to be on the marble beside where he's sat, then again with the other so I am straddling the older man.

By now I'm panting obscenely.

"What-do- you-think you're-doing" I say between breaths. Fighting every molecule living within me, demanding that I press my body fully against his own.

"Is the mighty Maya blushing?" The brunette mocks, gripping my thighs gently but with an unbreakable hold.

He quirkes an eyebrow and I wonder to myself; Is he challenging me?

My competitive Tendencies dance in the back of my mind, daring to win this too.

Don't risk it, another voice says. Though it's not as loud.

"No. I'm just peachy" I whisper coyly challenging him back, "But I am in a dress. So it's probably best to just…"

I marvel at his surprised expression. Josh clearly not expecting me to play along.

My thoughts become gleeful and light-hearted as I establish my victory, but then his smirk returns.

Oh shit!

"I could fix that, beautiful."

Tugging the edge of my dress down and sitting me onto his thighs, the youngest matthews brother clasps his hands together at the edge of my ass.

"See?" Josh persist. Giving me a look that says whoever blushes first loses.

Nodding, I control my nerves best I can.

Allowing myself to fall into a place I long ago abandoned as a fantasy, my heart flutters before draping my arms around his neck, possessively and pursing my lips seductively.

"Trick question again. Fries from Mickey D's. Nuggets from Burger King and burgers from Wendy's. Now my question two; Can I Whistle?" I prompt before he can do more than smile impressed.

Throwing his head back, Josh laughs loudly. The movement causing his hair to run through the tips of a finger or two. That gives me an idea…

"Absolutely no-uggnnn"

Josh groans, sending a tremor through my body. That seems to make it worse, that sexy moan rubbles loudly. His grip tightening. The small space between our chests shortening just a bit when his head drops down to my shoulder. The hands still at my waist abandoning each other to grasp my hips.

Stopping another shiver that threatens to leave me, I whimper against the older man. I continue to drag my nails up and down the nape of his neck my other hand dragging one finger from that strong jaw line to his collarbone so lightly I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't feel it at all.

"What was that?" I flirt. Not knowing how the hell I'm pulling this off.

There's a low rumble stirring in Josh's chest before he fully growls, raising his head and meeting my eyes with a fire that could rival my own.

It was strangely arousing.

Josh roughly yanks me to be fully in his lap. Our chests firmly pressed together, not an inch of space left in its wake.

"I wasn't done...Gorgeous."

It sounds like a promise somehow,but I couldn't be sure.

So I asked.

"Is that a promise, baby?"

It was like I was possessed by some sex goddess out for flesh and Josh. Controlling my smirks and limbs pushing me closer and closer to him.

Subconsciously I was aware of how non-platonic the scenario may appear but as I've mentioned before Josh Matthews is my single greatest weakness and there wasn't a single thing I could or-in that moment anyway- wanted to do about it.

Breathing in his arms, I feel my arsenal of defenses crumble and burst into flames against his heat and though deep down I know that I should pull away because he'll never stay-this feeling can never remain. There's another part-stronger than any other- that was desperate to see how hot we could burn.

The world vanishes behind us. Sounds ceasing to matter past the steady beats of our hearts.

"With you?" His breath fans over my cheeks. I can almost taste him.

"Always, Maya."

" Just answer the question, Matthews."

Sucking his teeth, Josh sighs composing himself before answering, "You cannot whistle, my gorgeous Wendy Darling. And the only reason you care is because you wish you could do the Hunger Games Mockingjay sound."

I try to hide my awe. I honestly didn't know he paid so much attention.

"Your turn."

Holding me tighter he gazes into my eyes, I can't hear my own from his lips.

"Have I ever been in love, Maya?"

"No."

I don't need to think or debate it. Josh doesn't want to love anyone. He said it- albeit years ago- himself. The distinct crack left in my sixteen-year-old heart still echoes through my ears nestled between his words.

It had been after a particularly difficult break up for him. Angry and agitated Josh's fresh rejection stinging palpably. The beanie wearing college vented idly with his older brother at the kitchen table.

Riley and I sat in pseudo disinterest. Pretending to be watching TV

"Love is ridiculous. It's unfair. Josh had groaned.

My attention fully devoted to the two men in the other room despite what our bodies suggested.

"Don't give up, kid. Love is just around the corner." Cory supplies helpfully.

"...Closer than you think, actually.",The source of all of affections scoffed disbelieving (or maybe disgruntled...disappointed?)

I never knew why I abandoned my composed facade, deciding instead to turn and catch just a glimpse of his side.

I had been surprised to meet his eyes from across the couch.

"Love is unattainable... For me" He finished, never tearing them away.

"I've never been in love?"

Shifting in his lap I focus on making him blush rather than indulging the memories threatening my placidity.

"Well according to nineteen year old Josh, love is quote unquote 'unattainable for you'."

Josh's expression is unreadable clearly recognizing the memory. His grip tightening, as if he expected me to disappear.

Carding my fingers through his cotton soft hair again, much more soothingly than before for no other reason than that I wanted to comfort him.

Purring contentedly, Josh honey eyes never waver from my own.

"You're wrong."

"Excuse me?"

"You're wrong."

"What do you mean, I'm wrong? You said-"

"I lied." Josh interrupts. Brushing stray strands of hair for my collarbone.

Breathing heavily, those two words send me over the edge. I feel the heat begin at the edge of my neck as it rises to the tips of my ears.

Grinning triumphantly, Josh stands up looping an arm under my legs.

I wrap my legs at his waist with a startled yelp as he bounces us up and down.

"Josh!" I giggle embarrassed, trying to cover my face self-consciously.

"Holy shit! I made the ever so stoic, badass and perfectly composed Maya Hart blush!"

"No. It- it's the cold!"

"It's summer, Mouthy Maya." Josh mocks.

Pulling back I shove him playfully, "Don't call me that!"

I must've pushed harder than I meant to, because before I can fully register what I've done, we're falling backwards into the pedestal fountain.

"Oh my God, Maya" Josh starts, about to apologize.

I'm poncing on him before he even manages to think of something to say. "That's what you get for calling me Mouthy Maya". Shutting him up, I laugh. Splashing water and trying to stand clumsily.

Josh graces me with a lopsided smile, extending his hands out to pick me up again.

"Please, no. I'm sorry." I shriek.

Josh and I splash and tease one another for longer than we probably should've. Playing like children when the sirens appeared.

"Okay, Casanova's. Out of the fountain." A deep voice screams into a megaphone.

Soaking wet and deeply startled, Josh hops out of the shallow liquid before lifting me by my waist then back to the ground.

"Thank you." I mumble. Walking forward to the tall, clean cut police officer, Josh's hand linked with mine reassuringly.

"There was a disturbance call made in regards to your public indecency." He recites tolerantly.

"Listen officer, I can explain," I pursue taking another step towards him.

Launching into a heavy winded spiel of I genuinely don't know what the fuck, the three of at the end up heaving with laughter.

"Then, this jack-ass here thinks it's smart to pick me up and call me Mouthy. The audacity right?"

"Maya, you pushed us into a fucking fountain! How am I the jackass?"

"Don't take it personal, Boing. I'm not insulting you, I'm just describing you." I sneer jokingly.

"Wait. Did you say Maya. As in Mayor Maya?" The cop announces suddenly.

"You know Navey Davey?" I question happily. The only other person who calls me that.

The excitement shimmering in the man's eyes at the mention of Dave revealing what he was going to say before he even did.

"I'm Tommy!"

"Oh my God!" I shout, pulling him into a hug. "I'm all wet. I hope you don't mind, but I'm so glad to finally meet you."

"Of course I don't mind! I've heard so much about you."

"Let me see, let me see." I demand, stepping back and grabbing his left hand.

"It's so awesome! It fits you so well. Dave did good, boo."

"Why, thank you" Tommy says boyishly, "And thank you for the gallery, and the music and the food and-"

"Seriously, Tommy, there's no need to thank me. That man loves you and you both deserve to display how much. I'm glad I could help with that."

Scratching the back of his neck, Tommy looks down sheepishly. " I wish there was some way to repay you."

"Weeelll" I sing whimsically. "You could not arrest us."

"Oh, of course not! absolutely. Do you want me to drop you guys off somewhere or something.

"No I think-"

"Actually!" Josh interjects. Speaking for the first time in several minutes.

I turn to face him, still wet hair heavy at my shoulders wiping to splash him a little more. Eyebrows furrowed in silent confusion.

" I won, remember, Gorgeous? You have to do whatever I say now."

Grabbing my hand again, he directs his attention to Tommy.

"Think you can give us an escort to the Brooklyn bridge?"

"No problem. Where's your ride?"

"Wait!" I stop them. "Am I expected to get on your motorcycle, Matthews?" I fume.

"Well, I mean. If you don't want to, maybe you can ride with Tomm-."

"Shh. It's about fucking time! Can I call shotgun on a motorcycle?"

Tommy and Josh both burst into fits of laughter as the officer gets into his car and drives off to meet us in the proper parking lot, where Josh's Motorcycle waited glamorously.

The brunette hands me a helmet, looking just as giddy as I feel.

" Two things, " I begin, " One I was dead serious can I shot gun?"

Josh shakes his head exasperatingly, before snatching the helmet from my hands and placing it on my head and clipping it for me like a child.

" No. Now hop on." He replies.

"Fine. " I consent. Too excited to do much else.

Swinging my leg around the bikes body, then wrapping my arms around his strong waist. Muscular abs prominent beneath my fingers I try to ignore the rush of hormones swimming inside of my body.

"What was the second question?" He yells over the engine after turning it on.

"Oh, yeah. What is it that I have to do. I don't understand."

"You'll see..." Josh smirks. Then turns into traffic behind the fast pace police siren escorting us whatever the hell was the continuation of this night.

I couldn't help, the silent thank I mentally sent to Sarah.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"You've got to be kidding me, Boing!"

"Nope. Now pose."

Josh's camera strap is wrapped around his neck like it's apart of his body. As if that was the only place in the world that it belonged.

"But, Josh" I whine, "I'm soaking wet still. There's no way I look good enough to photograph."

The older man's shimmering eyes, glisten behind the lights of the bridge. The lavish buildings painting the backdrop to a perfect picture. Nearly as earth shattering as the man standing before me.

"That's impossible. You're beautiful, Maya. And i'm gonna show you that. Now ignore everything else, and pose"

Pouting for a couple of seconds. I permit my gaze to find the captivating lights of New York city and accept the onslaught of flashes shuttering clicks past Josh's favorite camera.

"Beautiful" he breathes every so often. Along with, "Strong...Powerful…"

"Okay, Tommy" He calls out. Signalling the officer to turn on the police lights.

The blues and reds meld into my skin, so that I become a canvas ready for art. I had to admit; it was unlike any thing I had felt before.

Josh's eyes tracked my body, unashamed. Moving towards me time and placing those large calloused hands on parts of me never touched by a man. Never studied so intimately.

Josh lets me move like flowing water, sometimes redirecting my stream but overall just letting me be. Muttering to himself and grinning proudly when he captures me just right.

Throwing my head back in laughter, I finally turn my attention to those hazel eyes I've been trying to avoid.

I can't fathom the level of awe I am met with, lips mouthing words as my smile fades and I tell Josh things with my eyes I wouldn't even know how to formulate with words.

It's not until after dozens of pictures have already been taken and we had long since said our goodbyes to Tommy, with promises of dinner, that I realize all the things Josh had muttered during our impromptu photo shoot had been every single thing he had said I wasn't all those years ago.

We sit silently on the ground, cyclist riding on the bridge alongside joggers and bored teens.

The both of us content to look up at the sky.

A perfect calm settled on the world around us while a perfect storm brews inside my head.

"I thought you were going to ask to kiss me." I confess with no preamble. Staring out onto the water.

Without missing a beat, Josh counters, "Would you have let me?"

"I...I don't know…"

"Did you have fun tonight?"

"Yes" I say, "Like you wouldn't believe."

"I'm glad, Gorgeous. That's all I'll ever want."

We don't say anything for a couple of minutes. But this time the silence isn't comfortable.

Words lodged in my throat, I feel a vice grip me from within, urging me to speak. To share and return to that trusting place Josh used to represent.

"I like to think you mean something to me." I blurt out, thoughtlessly. Sliding closer to Josh so that our thighs are touching.

"I like to think I mean something to you, too." He approves, smiling softly.

I chuckle , resting my head on his shoulder. A dull sting weighing behind my eyes.

"What if I don't know what you mean to me." I add.

Clenching my eyes shut. I fear what my words will bring. However, Josh simply shifts where he's sat, encouraging me to lift my gaze. Long smooth arms are around me, pulling me into a heart stooping hug before placing a lingering kiss to the top of my head.

"At least I mean anything at all, Maya. I never thought I would again."

If he felt the tears slip past my skin to his, he never said a word… and neither did I.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Too soon we are back outside the Matthews apartment building. Both deflecting any thoughts of having to go.

"I'm scared to let you leave." With his lips pursed that way, I imagined each and every way I could make them say my name.

I genuinely don't think he understood just what that did to me.

"What are you afraid of?" I find myself whispering, suddenly afraid of something too.

This safe blissful bubble of carelessness could burst with just a single reality inducing word. Something I wasn't willing to do just yet.

My eyes track the tooth biting into his deep pink flesh, the distinct lub dub of my heart was beating so loudly to my own ears, it made me wonder for a moment if he could hear it too.

Running his tongue over the surface of rose petal lips he released a shivering sigh. Bringing his long strong fingers to my hip, tugging me forward softly. Somewhere deep in the darkness of my mind there was someone in the far back telling me to be careful. To pull away-walk away. However, it was like he trapped me in a trance. A spell that influence bone deep instinct. And apparently my instincts were crying out for Josh's delicate-addictive-touch.

My feet moved forward. Breath hitching when my breast met his chest. The warmth making love to the pool of nerves resting in my belly. What the hell is he doing to me?

"I-I used to be so afraid of someone-anyone- realizing how utterly amazing you are. Of you realizing how much better you could now-right now- I'm so freaking terrified of letting you go up those stairs. More than everything else. Because I know, " His voice takes on a tone I've never heard before. An earthquake of emotion raging behind stormy eyes. I never wanted to look away.

He raises his other hand to tuck a still wet tuft of hair behind my ear. Twisting the damp strands between his fingers before finally moving to caress gentile electrifying circles just below my jaw. "I'd be sending you into the arms of another. And I'm just haunted by the thought of someone else kissing your lips or taking my place… holding your heart."

"Josh-" I began, hearing my voice crack from the vice gripping my chest painfully. I knew in that instance that I had to come clean about Zay. That Josh deserved to know I wasn't with anyone. That I was fully involved in this little experiment we cooked up. This trail run of friendship that could possibly lead to more.

"No, Maya. You don't have to say anything. It's not my place, I know. I promised myself I would show you what you mean to me and i'm not going back on that."

I try again. "Josh", Moving my hand to hold his wrist, but that must have been the wrong move because I saw regret drag his shoulders down.

Josh steps back, stealing all the warm and soft thrum of electricity that had encircled the earth where we stood.

"I'm sorry" He mutters. Eyes cast downwards.

Crystal eyes widening, I rush to correct him, "No! Don't be sorry. That's not why I-"

Josh crouches down to my level placing a searing kiss to the top of my forehead. Another wave of rightness pushing through me.

"Goodnight, Gorgeous"

I feel my throat quickly closing up, a rough raspiness possessing my embrasure unexpectedly.

"Goodnight, Josh"

And then he's gone. The sounds of his motorbike fading into the background of the city madness. A hollowness, I am all too familiar with taking up space in my chest. As if he took my heart with him. As if anyone else could.

It's so easy to trust someone when they're saying all the things you want to hear. But it's so scary when you know that any of it could be a lie.

Though I can't, I want to believe him. Want to let down all my walls and bury myself in the safety of his arms. Every inch of my body bursting into flames as the pure desire threatens to push me toward the man before me. His smiling face staring down at me, more dangerous than any bullet could be. Somewhere along the way I began to trust Josh again. Somehow he slipped past all my defenses and left me utterly unarmed.

He has no clue, but I'm choosing to trust him, even though I can't believe him, at least not yet.

But fuck, if I wasn't going to try…

Josh is annoying and hilarious. He is Perfect but he is man enlists a perfect storm of emotions that somehow both transforms me into a whirlwind of worth and insecurities. A contradiction as it could makes me scream and drives me insane. He is clearly out of his fucking mind! But more than anything… he is everything I need.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

!(And everything she's gonna get)!

Okay so I really really hope you enjoyed this chapter! I hope that whole gravity space universe bit wasn't too nerdy or hard to keep up with. I can be a little geeky, though I try to banish it from my writing at the best of my ability. However, in this case I thought it fit pretty well with Maya's unwilling- or rather, her inability to stay away from Josh. As if there's another entity from another plane entirely,way out of anyone's control(except for mine of course) pushing them together.

I want to give a special shout out to one of the Guest's in the comments. I can't be entirely sure but I have a hunch that it was the same guest that kept leaving comments asking for updates and making sure I'm not giving up. I want to assure you that really does motivate me to get working. So, thank you! And also i'm not planning on giving up on TLTL, i'm just too invested at this point. Even if it does take me forever to update.

But, that's all for now. Again, please, please keep it coming with the comments they literally mean the world to me, and what's it gonna cost ya :) just a moment to make this nerdy fanfiction obsessed writers' day, right? Let me know if you like or dislike Sarah. I personally, love her. But I'll tone her down if u guys don't agree. And if anyone has any ideas for Zay and Sarah's ship name, please say in the comments

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and let me know if you guys have any guesses or any ideas for what's coming up or what you would like to read!

Love you, lovelies!

See you next chapter!

~Geni