Buffering
A/N - I'm a ghost.
Naraku stood at his stove, waiting for the tea to finish boiling. He rolled his eyes when heard the loud clinking of coins being shifted around. Jade had backed out of going to work to clean and showed up early for her payment. So, he gave it to her and now she was counting it down to every last quarter. Naraku walked to the entrance of the kitchen, leaning out to see Jade carefully aligning tall stacks of said quarters on his coffee table.
"You're going to count it all?" Naraku asked skeptically.
"Yup." Jade replied, her hands working quickly.
"I'm not the type to short someone when I owe them." Naraku said, shooting her a cheeky smile when she looked at him with a tired expression. She remained silent and returned to her counting. Naraku shrugged and walked back to the stove. He slid his hands into his pockets, his fingers on his right hand brushing against the shard of his mystery mineral. A silent laughter pushed on his chest when he felt the single missing quarter from Jade's money in his left pocket.
"How the fuck did the bank let you get away with this?" Jade asked with a whine.
"Well, they didn't let me do all quarters. I had a chunk of it put into single dollar bills."
"Did they give them to you like this or did you unwrap them from their little paper wraps? Did you suck their dicks really good, at least?"
"I unwrapped them and dumped them in the box myself." he answered, ignoring the last question.
"Yeah, I see that." Jade shot quickly, making Naraku snort to himself.
The tea only took a few more minutes, and Naraku poured Jade and himself a cup each. He placed the cups on a tray, along with some sliced apples and carrots. He froze for a moment, trying to remember if Jade used sweetener in her tea or not. He grabbed a few packets and a spoon just in case before lifting the tray and carrying it into his living room. Naraku placed the tray on the table and offered Jade a cup. She took it and held the cup to her lips, pausing for a moment.
"What did you do to it?" she asked him.
"Nothing, although, I still wouldn't drink it just yet. It's hot."
"Mm," Jade agreed after her lip touched the very surface of the tea. She placed the cup on the table and returned to counting her money. Naraku noticed she had reached the dollar bills and was now scooping them into a few stacks. He bit into a slice of apple, watching as her fingers smoothly slid the bills from her left hand to her right. She was very quick, placing the bills in smaller stacks on the cushion beside her.
"I know you handle money a lot, but you're faster than most bank tellers I've seen." Naraku admitted. Jade glanced at him, continuing to count her stack.
"When you deliver, you want to make it quick. Plus, some people try to pay less than what their food costs."
"Ah," Naraku bit into another slice of apple, looking over at the guinea pig chewing on his cage. He grabbed another slice of apple as he stood up and walked over, slipping it through the bars. The gray pig snatched the slice from his fingers and ran back into his plastic igloo.
"Have you named him yet?"
"No."
"You're so weird." Jade sighed, collecting her bills back into a single pile. She placed the pile in the box and then began counting the towers of quarters, typing numbers into her phone's calculator.
"You've no idea." Naraku said, walking back to the couch and sitting down slowly. He saw Jade frown and he grabbed another apple slice. Just as he was about to eat it, Jade held her hand out to him and snapped her fingers. Naraku blinked, but he placed the slice in her palm gently.
"You mother- I want my quarter! Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Jade stated loudly, but she was smiling. Naraku wasn't sure if she was angry or not, but he pulled the quarter from his pocket and offered it to her with a smirk. Jade reached for it, but he pulled it away, holding a finger up.
"I do believe I asked you for something earlier," Naraku reminded her, but a feeling in his gut told him she hadn't forgotten at all and that she was banking on him to forget instead. Jade stared at him blankly for a few moments, and Naraku almost relented, but she smiled again, holding back her laughter as she reached into her pocket.
"Here, I even fixed it up for you so you would know my class schedule and work schedule." she said, finally placing the slice of apple he gave her in her mouth. She pulled a folded paper out of her pocket with her other hand, handing it to him. Naraku took it and rested the quarter on top of his thumb, flicking it in the air. Jade caught the quarter and reunited it with its brethren on his table. She took her cup of tea and opened a packet of sweetener, sighing heavily as she stirred.
"Is the money inadequate?" Naraku asked, slowly unfolding the paper.
"Money is money. I'm just tired after counting two-thousand quarters and five-hundred dollars because my employer is a dick." Jade responded as she took a sip of tea. Naraku chuckled and shrugged.
"That should pay your rent once or twice, so you should be happy."
"Once or twice? Bruh, that's about five months, give or take other bills." Jade snickered. Naraku frowned and tilted his head.
"Five? Do you live in a cardboard box with a beautiful view?" Naraku asked skeptically, causing Jade to almost spit her tea out. She covered her mouth and shook her head a few times. His tone must have really tickled her.
"Nah, roommates," she said, wiping away a tear.
"Ah." Naraku looked down at her schedule. "Roommates aren't for me."
"No shit? Although, I think you and Sesshomaru would get along fiiiiiiiiiiiiine." Jade said sarcastically. She giggled tauntingly when Naraku's eyes locked on hers.
"I'll have to light some sage to ward off the bitterness and unfounded arrogance that his name brings along with it." Naraku sighed, looking back down at the schedule.
"Where will you stay until the sage wears off?" Jade asked in a serious tone. She waited for Naraku to look up at her again before smiling widely. He knew she was getting back at him for the quarter ordeal, but it still burned.
"My arrogance is founded and I am not bitter." Naraku corrected calmly. He could tell from the way her eyebrows twitched that she did not believe him and was ready to fire off another comeback.
"Ooooookay." Jade took another sip of tea and shook her head slightly.
"You do realize you're going to be very busy, yes?" Naraku asked after finally having enough silence to study her schedule.
"Mhm." Jade nodded.
"Your plan, if I'm reading this correctly, is to not have a life."
"Oh, I'll have one. Weekends, bro."
"Some of your weekends will belong to me." Naraku replied, reading the names of her classes. "You're taking Organic Chem with Bruce?"
"Orgasmic Chem? Yeah, he told me I had to."
"Oh, an art class?" Naraku perked up. "You do know this one has nude models, correct?"
"Yeah? I'm not twelve." Jade held a hand up expressing her irritation.
"Calm down. I'm only,"
"You're probing me and I don't like it. If you want to know something, ask me directly." Jade insisted, leaning forward and placing her empty cup on the table.
"No." Naraku answered. "There is more tea in the kitchen."
"Thanks." Jade remained sitting, though.
"I assume your research hours and your TA position also count as credit hours?"
"Yep. Bruce worked some of his advisor voodoo magic. So, two classes and two things that count as credit hours. I'll be working, but not as hard as you think."
"Indeed." Naraku said, holding back a smile. She had no idea how hard she was going to be working with him. Naraku glanced down at his pocket, his thoughts returning to the purple gem. He had already decided not to tell Jade about it, but at the same time, she was his assistant. She might need to know in case she came across something strange or to keep her eyes open for him. However, the people funding him insisted he be careful who to tell.
"Is that it?" Jade asked, jerking Naraku from his thoughts. He looked up and blinked.
"I suppose."
"Good. I need to deposit this ridiculous-ass money into my bank now. They probably already think I'm a stripper with the tips I bring in." Jade said dryly, scooting forward and scooping the towers of quarters back into the box. Naraku began chuckling when he realized her bank was going to have to count all of the quarters and dollars, too. Jade flipped him off, but she was also laughing.
'She handled this far better than I wanted her to. Oh well.' Naraku exhaled and looked away. Suddenly, another thought hit him and he stood up quickly.
"Hold on," Naraku told her, walking away towards his office.
"Okay," Jade replied. Naraku opened a drawer in his desk, pulling out a plastic bag holding a carefully rolled joint. He walked back into the living room and Jade had finished packing up her change, cursing him under her breath.
"Here," Naraku held the bag out to her. Jade frowned and pulled her hand back.
"What is that?" Jade asked, her tone reminding Naraku of a disappointed parent.
"What do you mean, "What is that?" You know what it is. Take it. My treat." Naraku insisted, shaking the bag gently. Jade crossed her arms for a moment, tilting her head to the side. She slowly tilted her head to the other side, reaching up with a hand to nervously scratch under her chin.
"I don't know. I was told not to take drugs from strangers." Jade replied with a smirk. Naraku mirrored her smirk with his own.
"You want it."
"Yeah, what's the catch?" Jade asked quickly, her hands now resting on her hips.
"Jade, you wound me. It's a gift." Naraku lied. He figured if she liked his weed enough, she would buy off him, and return portions of money to him. Although, Jade had definitely picked up on something, because she still looked reluctant and uncomfortable.
"No. I don't trust you. Your tea didn't hit me, but your weed," Jade's sentence trailed off, but Naraku knew what she was implying.
"What can I do to convince you?" Naraku countered, lowering his arm to his side. Jade bit her lips together and shook her head.
"You really want me to smoke that? I find that suspicious."
"I'll smoke it with you. I'll even take the first hit." Naraku offered. Jade looked away while laughing, but she hadn't said, "No." She looked down at the floor, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.
"Fine. But, I need to go to the bank first and then go hang out with my roommates for a bit. I can come back later. Midnight?" Jade suggested. Naraku nodded.
"I'll be waiting."
000000
Naraku slowly paced the floor behind his couch, dragging his finger up the screen of his phone. He had many contacts, most of which were clients or people important to his education, and a couple of groups of coworkers from previous jobs, but none of them had an answer for his mineral dilemma, if he could even call it a mineral.
'If these people were smart, they would have sent this to a mineralogist instead of me.' Naraku thought bitterly, which made him stop pacing immediately. Of course they would have sent it to a mineralogist. They probably sent it to an array of Geology-related professionals. He found himself staring at the purple mystery, which sat a little box on the coffee table in front of his couch.
"Unless there are more pieces and they sent a piece to everyone they knew," Naraku figured that was the most plausible case, seeing as they had little information to give to him to start with. It still left one burning question in his mind; why him? Of all professionals, researchers, professors; him? The graduate student of a well-known, but not insanely popular, Chemistry professor and researcher? And why insist to be careful who to tell, which included Bruce? Naraku despised Bruce, but the man was knowledgeable and if he didn't have an answer, he had ways of finding a good path to an answer.
'Absolutely ridiculous. This is a waste of my time and resources.' Naraku locked his phone, only to click the button again to check the time. It was close to midnight, which meant Jade would arrive soon.
Naraku placed his papers in a neat pile on the table and moved the mystery mineral from his coffee table to the top drawer of his desk in his office room. But, he didn't close the drawer. When he tried, he couldn't find it in himself to push it shut. What if Jade got curious and roamed his apartment if he used the bathroom or fell asleep? Naraku stuffed the mineral shard in his pocket and promptly left his office, closing the door behind him. Just then, a soft knock sounded from his living room. Naraku frowned, as he was sure the sound wasn't from his front door. It sounded as if something had tapped on glass.
"What are you...ugh." Naraku grumbled when he saw Jade standing at the glass door of his patio. He walked over and unlocked the door, sliding it open to let her in. "I have a door, a wooden one, that is used for letting people in and out of my apartment."
"I didn't feel like walking inside just to be let inside again. What's the big deal?" Jade argued as she slipped past him.
"We're about to get high and you decide to be completely conspicuous about entering my apartment."
"Says the dude who waved a joint at me like it was a victory flag,"
"Whatever. So, we can,"
"No. You're coming with me." Jade interrupted, crossing her arms. Naraku frowned, crossing his own arms.
"Where are we going?" he asked.
"I have a good place to smoke where no one will bother us. I don't want your guinea pig to get high, too."
"It has been a while since I've smoked elsewhere." Naraku lightly stroked his chin, which was now smooth after he shaved earlier. He heard Jade giggling and looked down at her. "What?"
"I just don't see you smoking weed. You come off as a cocaine man."
"I have to have a gateway drug first." he replied sarcastically, turning around to find his shoes and keys.
Jade left via his porch again and Naraku decided to leave his apartment like a normal person. When they reached her car, Naraku sat in the passenger seat, adjusting it back to give his legs more room.
'Who sits here and how short are they?' Naraku wondered, a part of him thinking the seat should remain adjusted for him permanently. He jiggled the handle, testing the strength of it. If it was easy to break, he figured he could do it now.
"Seatbelt, please." Jade said, clicking her own into place. Naraku let go of the handle and decided to break it later. He pulled the seatbelt across his body and clicked it into place quietly. Next, Naraku rolled the window down, and then rolled it back up. He did it once more, glancing at Jade out of his peripherals. Either she hadn't noticed or she was ignoring him, so he did it again, and again, and again.
"Do you want the AC on? Is that what that means?" Jade asked calmly.
"Yes, it's quite humid and hot." Naraku said.
"Use your big boy words." she bit back, pushing the button to activate her car's AC.
"Why would I do that when you just seem to know what I want?"
"That's true. I should probably stop that." Jade said.
"I'm actually excited about this. I haven't hotboxed since high school." Naraku admitted, glancing at Jade with a smile. He quickly turned away, though, asking himself why he did that, and if she had noticed.
"How long ago was that? Twenty years?"
"Ha. Funny. I'm not much older than you."
"That's what an old person would say."
"No, back in my day," Naraku began, hearing her giggle with agreement.
Naraku decided to pay attention to the roads Jade took to her special smoke spot. If it was as secretive as she claimed, he might use it himself. Part of him was still slightly uncomfortable smoking outside of his apartment. If a cop happened to catch him, he could kiss his degree and future careers goodbye. Jade seemed confident, though, which put him at ease. Naraku gritted his teeth. He would never admit that out loud or ever again. He noticed Jade turn onto one of the main roads, heading out of the city.
"I assume your spot is in the middle of nowhere?" Naraku asked aloud.
"You'll see. Chill." Jade said.
"I am completely chill."
"You're stiff as a board. We'll be fine."
"Hm." Naraku lowered his arms, annoyed that she had noticed his uneasiness.
The drive was just under twenty minutes and they had reached a road that didn't have any intersecting roads for what seemed like miles. A lot of trees and bushes followed the road, but there were points of wide, open fields, too. Naraku noticed Jade slowing down and looking carefully, as if not one-hundred percent sure where it was. She slowly came to a stop and Naraku looked at her doubtfully.
"Jade, we're in the middle of the road." Naraku pointed out. Jade shifted her car into reverse, turning to look Naraku directly in the eyes.
"Chill." Jade said, turning her wheel to the left, and rolling her car backwards off the road. Naraku wanted to look away, but he kept his gaze locked with Jade's. She was screwing with him. A few branches and leaves brushed against the car, but otherwise, it was a nice little nook almost completely level with the road; big enough for her car and it sat back far enough from the road to not draw attention.
"Cute." Naraku finally said when Jade shifted her car to park. She released her seatbelt and shook her head.
"Still not done," she said, opening her door and stepping out. Naraku watched as she sat on her hood and rolled over it to avoid the branches and bushes beside her car. She walked over to a tree and reached up, pulling a branch down.
"You're fucking kidding me," Naraku shook his head with slight disbelief. Jade untied a small rope, which allowed the branch to drop and mask the car with its numerous leaves. Jade walked back, rolling over her hood again, and squeezing back into her car. She turned her key halfway to only cut the engine and looked over at Naraku.
"Done. This is my spot." Jade said, slowly waving her hand palm up, as if introducing him. Naraku couldn't hold it any longer. He started laughing, leaning his forehead against his hand.
"Alright," he choked, reaching into his pocket for the joint. "I will admit, this is exceptional."
"Finally. I impressed you with something." Jade exhaled, but Naraku could tell she was being sarcastic. He held the joint up to her, checking his other pockets for his lighter.
"If I forgot my lighter,"
"Glove box." Jade pointed in front of Naraku. He opened it and pulled the orange Bic lighter out. He offered it to her, but even in the darkness, he could see her eyebrow arch.
"Oh, right. You think I would let you drive me all the way out here just to poison you?" Naraku asked, finally getting a flame on his third try with the lighter. Jade held the end of the joint to the flame and when it lit, Naraku took it from her.
"I don't know you," Jade argued in a soft, high-pitched voice. She rolled the passenger window down. "Blow it out there, cowboy."
"Heh," Naraku took as much into his lungs as he could, holding it and rolling his eyes at her dramatically, briefly acting out a fake seizure, and exhaling the cloud out the window.
"And now," Jade tapped the screen of her phone, activating the stopwatch feature.
"Oh, come oooooon," Naraku tauntingly waved the joint in front of her face. "I wouldn't poison myself."
"I know. You just want me to buy off you." Jade said, turning sideways in her seat to face him. Naraku's eyes narrowed.
"Then why did you have me blow the smoke," The realization of the situation hit him like a truck. She knew the entire time? Naraku looked at the joint, then back at Jade, who was grinning widely while nodding her head slowly.
"Yeeeeeeuh, bruh. What up?" she teased, both hands pointing towards her crotch victoriously.
'This bitch...I can't necessarily leave, either.' Naraku inhaled through his nose deeply. She played him? She played him! The breath he exhaled could have been fire with the amount of rage boiling inside him.
"You going to share that shit or what?" Jade asked, still grinning and giggling an shifting side to side in her seat with excitement. Naraku handed her the joint silently and stiffly, staring straight through the windshield.
'If I strangle her, she still wins. Goddamn it.' Naraku closed his eyes. He heard the motor of the window beside him whine as the glass rose. Then, he heard her slow, steady exhale and her soft, "Whoa." Naraku took some solace from that.
"You look like you could use another hit," Jade announced. After another moment of silence, she held the joint under Naraku's nose. Naraku opened his eyes and pinched the joint slowly between his thumb and index finger. He couldn't bring himself to speak.
Naraku closed his eyes...or had they already been closed? He didn't know. The only thing he knew was that it had been a long time since either Jade or he had spoken. When the joint still existed, they would either poke one another when ready for another smoke or simply say, "Hey." But, once it was gone, they would just exhale or yawn. Naraku figured they had been sitting there for at least an hour if not two. Probably three.
"Oh my God," Jade began, shifting in her seat. She swore that her eyes were sinking into her skull. "Wh-What did you do to this shit?"
"I did nothing." Naraku responded, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes had been closed longer than Jade's; the heavy warmth crept up his body as he came closer to falling into a deep sleep. He reached to the side of the seat and pulled the lever to lower the back of his seat into a sleeping position.
"I've never had weed do this to me before,"
"I thought you were down," Naraku insisted with a lazy grin.
"You told me it was fine; it tasted like strawberries. What did you do?"
"Don't worry about it."
"You said you did nothing,"
"Nothing dangerous." Naraku corrected, lifting a finger to scratch the itch on his cheek. He readjusted his body in the seat and cupped his hands on his stomach.
"Oh my God, I'm sinking,"
"I didn't know you were so sensitive. My apologies."
"Fuck you."
"Heh," Naraku inhaled deeply and felt himself being pulled into the seat. It had been a while since he felt so relaxed, especially in the presence of another person. It felt nice, and Naraku gritted his teeth. He hated that feeling. He pushed the thought from his mind by focusing on Jade's nervous giggling and continuous questioning of, "What is this?" Before he realized it, he had fallen asleep and the car had gone silent again. For another hour? Two? He still had no idea. He was sure he was asleep, but something was keeping him from fully losing consciousness. The inside of the car was uncomfortably warm, but there was something else bothering him.
'My leg! It's burning!'
Naraku inhaled sharply through his nose and felt his body jerk unwillingly in the seat, yanking him back into reality. He exhaled shakily and immediately pressed his right hand to his pocket. It was very warm. His hand slipped inside and touched the little gem. Within seconds, the heat left his pocket and Naraku's breath left his lungs.
'Am I imagining it?' Naraku wondered, taking a moment to steady his labored breathing. He sat up and looked over where Jade lay in the reclined driver's seat. She was still submerged in her hazed slumber. Time seemed to have jumped forward another hour since they fell asleep. Naraku placed his hand back in his pocket. It was warm from his body, but seconds ago, it was almost as hot as heat from a fire.
'Maybe not.' Naraku readjusted his seat so he could sit upright. The clank of the handle disturbed Jade, whose body jerked as she inhaled sharply.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck...what happened?" Jade groaned, pushing herself into a sitting position.
"Nothing." Naraku answered, stifling a yawn with the back of his hand.
"Fuck." Jade exhaled, readjusting her seat into the sitting position.
"Verdict?" Naraku asked, looking over at Jade with half a smile. Jade snorted quietly as she shook her head.
"I don't know, man. Can you grow some shit that doesn't give me weird dreams?"
"Weird dreams?" Naraku repeated. He immediately remembered the burning sensation on his leg.
"Yeah, weird dreams. I don't mind them, but if it's going to do that all the time, then no deal."
"To be honest, this is the first I've heard of it." Naraku said. It was the first time he had experienced it himself, so he doubted it was going to happen every time.
"Fine. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. It dropped me hard." Jade remarked with a soft laugh, absentmindedly rubbing her wrist with her hand.
"Do you not like being dropped?"
"Not quite that hard- stop smiling at me, asshole." Jade bit out playfully. Naraku chuckled and shrugged dramatically.
"I suppose I'll give you the weenie stash next time."
"Oh, eat me, Naraku. I probably just smoked too much. I smoke often, but not a huge amount every time."
"Stoner Jade defeated."
"You didn't outlast me, prick."
"I was not competing with you; the weed was." Naraku pointed out. Jade bit her bottom lip, trying her hide her smile, but it did not work. She shook her head and turned the keys in her ignition, turning the car on and rolling down the windows. They both sighed with relief when the heat escaped the car. It was still hot and mildly humid outside, but the car had become noticeably worse.
"Oops." Jade whispered.
"Hm?"
"My roommates wanted me home so I could do stuff with them tomorrow...later."
"Stuff?"
"No idea. They only said, "stuff."" she replied, quoting the air with her fingers.
"Oh." Naraku looked down at his lap. Jade knew that and yet she still chose to drive him out to her secret spot and smoke with him? As soon as the warmth filled his face, his leg began to shake side to side.
"I think I'm good to drive now." Jade continued, starting the engine to her car.
"If you kill us, I'm dragging you to Hell with me."
"Do it. Satan is a friend of mine." Jade switched her car into drive, only to curse and put it back into park. "I forgot the stupid branch."
Naraku exhaled loudly when he reached his apartment door. Apparently, Jade had felt the odd need to walk him to his door and bid him goodnight. His immediate thought was that she wanted him. It made his skin crawl, though, he had no evidence beyond his own mind that Jade wanted anything from him like that. She never asked to come in or what he was going to do. She only told him goodnight. Then, his mouth betrayed him.
"Are you hungry?" he asked her. Jade had turned to walk away, but she looked back at him, eyes widened as she thought about her answer. Naraku arched an eyebrow, half-tempted to recant his offer.
"Yeah." she finally agreed after what felt like hours. Neither stoner could tell if they were actually thinking and speaking slowly or if the weed was making it seem that way. Naraku pushed the door open and motioned for her to go first, following her in and closing the door.
"Do you always do that or are you doing it because I'm Japanese?" Naraku asked, pointing at Jade's feet as she removed her shoes.
"I assumed you were Korean." Jade shot back gently.
"Funny."
"No, I always do this. It's rude to track dirt into other people's homes, even if they're a filthy gook."
Naraku had to look at her because her tone said, "I'm serious." She was staring back at him. She wanted him to get upset, he assumed. So, instead, Naraku stared back calmly.
"One day, you'll find a slur that matches my ethnicity."
"I'd love to tell you that you'd be able to see that day, but with those squinty-eyes,"
Naraku's hand flew to his mouth as a boisterous laugh escaped it, echoing through his living room. They both glanced over at the cage where the guinea pig had ran into hiding out of fear from the loud, unfamiliar noise. Once Naraku saw the pig poke its head back out to sniff the air, he inhaled deeply through his nose before looking back at Jade, who was waiting patiently with her arms crossed.
"Alright. That was actually funny." Naraku admitted after licking the inside of his mouth to force the smile away.
"I appreciate your honesty." Jade replied, resting her arms at her side and bowing quickly.
"You're pushing your luck," Naraku warned lazily as he walked to his kitchen. In all fairness, she was amusing him more than he could have imagined. He no longer regretted inviting her in for food.
Jade stood behind Naraku as he fried up the eggs he cracked open into the pan. He glanced back at her a few times, watching her face go from, "Whoa," to, "This smells great." If she had any snarky comments, she was holding them back.
'Don't bite the hand that feeds you; at least she's considerate.' Naraku thought, until Jade stepped forward and sniffed the air loudly. Naraku prepared to eat his previous thought.
"Fuck me, is this some ancient Chinese secret to making omelettes or some shit? Smells great." Jade sighed. Naraku rolled his eyes, but his mouth was out of his control, stretching and showing his smile once more.
"If you can't watch quietly, then go sit down. Quietly."
"Did 'Nam take your sense of humor and your legs?" she asked quickly. Naraku was able to close his mouth, but it ended up making him giggle instead! He felt his back muscles strain to keep him from slamming his face down and frying it alongside the eggs to hide the pain of his shame.
"Go away!" Naraku hissed, not from anger, but from trying to hold back more laughter.
"No, asshole! You're going to poison my ching-chong omelette!" Jade argued. Naraku couldn't hold it any longer, backing away from the stove as he leaned against his refrigerator, the laughter straining his stomach and causing him to double-over in pain.
"You...You racist piece of shit!" Naraku choked out. Jade had fallen into her own fit of laughter, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
"This is what the Internet does to people, okay? I'm not proud of it." she explained.
"Yes, you seem very torn up about it, Jade." Naraku said dryly, returning to the stove to finish cooking the eggs.
"Incredibly."
"Mmm, you're bringing me to tears with your sob story of how you became a racist."
"I'm not a racist; I'm just an asshole."
"No, I'm an asshole. I treat everyone equally. Horribly, but equally."
"No you don't! That's part of being an asshole! You're supposed treat people horribly at different levels! So one person can see they're being treated worse and hate everyone else because they're being treated better for no reason!"
"That is a fantastic idea. Why didn't I think of that?" Naraku asked dramatically, but on the inside, he was frantically asking himself why he hadn't thought of doing that before. It was a great idea!
"If you do it to me,"
"If I hear one more Asian slur slither out of your mouth,"
"Ho! I am so sorry, Senpai!" Jade blurted out with a heavy accent. Naraku's arm flexed tightly and he had to silently tell himself not to hit her with the spatula. Then, he began laughing again.
"You're terrible." Naraku insisted as he shook his head.
"Oh pleeeeeease,"
"I kind of like it." Naraku interrupted, winking at her before returning to the eggs, which were now burning. He caught a glimpse of Jade's shocked expression and from the silence, he concluded that he regained some control of the situation.
"You don't want to go there with me, bro." Jade giggled after a few moments of silence. Naraku turned and handed her a plate of slightly overcooked eggs and a fork.
"Oh?"
"No, you don't. You're stepping into some dangerous territory."
"I think I can handle your false advances." Naraku said before taking a bite of his eggs. Jade stabbed a piece onto her fork and exhaled loudly and slowly, as if she deeply regretted something.
"Whatever you say, Daddy." Jade shot with a smile, biting the eggs off her fork slowly, suggestively. Naraku stopped chewing and stared her down. He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks. He didn't like that. At all. Jade knew it, too. She returned the wink.
They both finished their eggs and walked to his couch, collapsing on it simultaneously. As soon as Jade felt comfortable, she felt the sleepiness overtake her again. Naraku watched her quietly. Once he saw she was out, he closed his eyes and slipped his hand into his pocket to touch the gem. It was still warm from being in his pocket and nothing more. He pulled his hand out and yawned.
'A dream,'
